Emotional Support

[KageSora]

Meletonin has really good effects for some people. It had horrible effects on me. My body doesn't correctly completely paralyze me when I dream, so I will shout and move some while sleeping and dreaming. With the Meletonin I somehow become almost fully active. This led to a very bad experience because my husband thought I was fully awake and was being a big jerk and I was in the middle of a dream and had no idea what was going on.

 

So if you move a lot in your sleep more than just simple "tossing" and speak a lot or such, I'd stay away from that stuff. Or speak to a few doctors first...

Thankfully nothing like that happened, I just toss and turn a bit. But mostly it just. Does absolutely nothing for me. At all.

 

At this point gonna have to talk to the doctor because there was ANOTHER night where I got pretty much an hour tops of sleep even with the medication...

[andromedae]

I just need to talk this out a little. Figured it would be the right place. I have been so tired, emotionally and mentally. This last year has taken its toll, I've been working very hard for my grades, but sometimes I perform a lot worse than I thought I would and I hate myself for it. I think I have complex emotions and a difficult perspective of the world. 'Difficult' as in feeling like other people have trouble relating to me. For starters, I only have a few friends. I often face a tough time balancing between controlling my temper and coming off as too nice (and because of that, people want to take advantage) or excessive aggression (which obviously is not the solution either) but at least makes people have a little more respect. My friends...they can be pretty judgy, and I seem to seek them out more than they look out more me. I know how to be alone, but it makes me tired. I face the stress of not knowing whether or not I'll be getting into my dream college (I've already been accepted, the thing is: money), and other issues relating to money. My parents' divorce has left me very unstable in general, and I constantly feel like I'm not enough. I also dislike my body, but I do not have the time and energy to get into shape. Also, my best friend is hundreds of miles away for her exchange year, and although I'm guilty for not reaching out, she hasn't talked to me in quite a while either. She didn't reply to my last message, and it makes me sad. She talks more to her other friends (who are also here with me) than to me. I wonder if we're drifting apart, I think she might be forgetting our friendship. I usually talk to her when I'm not okay, but burdening her is something I won't do. I'll leave her be, but it's still sad. Phew. It felt alright to push that out. And this is only half of it. Sorry if you actually read through all of my problems!

Edited April 15, 2016 by andromedae

[Syiren]

Okay so this has been going on for a while now, but there's this girl in my orchestra class who is horrible to me, and I don't even know why!

 

But according to some of my friends, she tends to rant about "how I think I'm all that," and "how I think I'm better than everybody else."

 

I don't think I've ever expressed that viewpoint, to anyone, ever, because I do not think that at all. I work hard to sit first chair in orchestra. I don't think I'm better than everyone at all, I just have nothing better to do thn to practice all the time.

 

I have never been anything but nice to her, and since she's so mean, I go out of my way to compliment her hair, how she's the only one that looks good in a certain shirt, (a lot of us girls have it from Project Lead The Way last year) I've complimented her amazing instrumental skills, I've complimented her fake septum piercing that she wears to school frequently. I have never  expressed that I feel like I'm better than her, or better than anyone. Because she is truly very pretty, and she is an amazing violist.

 

But she hates me. SO MUCH!

 

You'd think, that by the way she treats me, that instead of going out of my way to compliment her, that I go out of my way to actively piss her off. But I DON'T!

 

I was playing through Star Wars the other way and I played one note out of tune. One single note. And she looked dead at me, and LAUGHED in my face, because I made a mistake. You'd think she was waiting for me to mess up, just so that she could point and laugh at me!

 

She hates like, all of the violinists. But she hates me most of all, and I don't even know why. She was blaming the whole orchestra speeding up on OUR section. And she has said things about not liking violins in general, but this, she made it personal. "I hate our first violinists." And of course she's looking right at me when she says it.

 

Then she has the nerve, to in front of the whole orchestra, say "people are saying that I think I'm better than everyone else because I point out when other people are out of tune, but I'm really just doing it for the good of the orchestra, and I actually don't think I'm better."

 

Like, what the heck? You literally just replicated my situation almost exactly but I'm still the one in the wrong!

 

But today, it was worse. See, we were going around and playing little ditties on our instruments and recruiting some people to join orchestra next year. So we're walking around the cafeteria, and she's there, playing a song that we both played for State competitions. In seperate groups, of course. So I thought it would be fun to join in, cause our groups worked together. I meant to give her backup, but she hears, turns around, and gives me the most hateful look I have ever seen, with this wicked little smile on her face. It was the most "get the heck out of my sight I hope you die" look I've ever seen. And I am not exaggerating. because I had done something that we did together, just a few weeks ago.

 

And then her gaggle of friends gets all up in my face and suddenly she's just standing there , and they're all yelling things like "It's a solo act! She doesn't need you! It's a solo, not a duet!" And I'm there with this half smile on, pretending that it's all okay, but in reality I'm crumbling inside. And on the bus home, my friends at the table that this "incident" occurred were talking about it, like "I have an issue with that girl who just glared at you," and "You're better than her," and that is sweet but it doesn't make the pain go away.

 

I know there are always going to be some people that hate me, I just wish I knew why they did.

 

But I don't even like her! So why does it hurt so much?

Emma, it's perfectly okay that it bothers you. That's a sign that you're a great person. You're mind is just trying to figure out the problem, and without any easy clues you're getting frustrated.

 

Sometimes people are mean to you and you don't know why, even if you are nice to them. It's confusing, but I believe it's her that is dealing with something and her only outlet is to take it out on you. She may assume that you're not being genuine because she doesn't understand. She may be surrounded by people who may not treat her with genuine kindness and so as a defense she assumes every kind gesture may have an ulterior reason or is sarcastic.

 

It reminds me of when I was in Kindergarten through 1st grade. There was this girl who was always mean to me on the bus. Once I said hi to her and waved and she grabbed my hand and twisted my wrist really hard. She moved away before I could ever understand why she did that, but I always wondered the same things.

 

See if you can get her alone and talk one on one, ask her gently if she could use a friend to talk to, or ask her straight out what's bothering her and why she targets you. It may not end on a happy note, but if she can tell you what's wrong and you explain that your skills come from practice and even propose to combine your music skills into something like a duet, it may help smooth things over.

 

But never let anyone get you down by assuming you're something that isn't true. Know that you try to help and be kind, but if people refuse to take your word then don't worry about them. If they laugh because you make a mistake then that only makes them look foolish, because no one is perfect and if she thinks making mistakes is something to laugh at then she must be pretty perfect, because obviously she's been perfect all her life.

 

Just remember in the end, no matter how things turn out, ignorant people don't matter, it's the ones who love you and appreciate you that count. I know someone's whose Second chair in an orchestra for their school, so I know being First Chair is a big thing, seriously congrats!

 

 

~*~~*~*~*~*~

 

The reason why I'm here is to just vent off some steam. I walk to the library every morning, only this time I saw my mother who left earlier for the bank standing on the other side of the street. I was curious, so I walked over and see a possum laying in the grass, looking hurt. apparently he was hit and left in the road. The city worker came by and raked him, yes, RAKED him to the side of the road and just left him there. It pulled itself onto the grass where it's stayed ever since. It pissed me off so bad. How could anyone DO THAT? What if it was a dog or cat? Would they just get raked to the side and left? No. They'd call animal control and get taken to a vet. But, the poor possum gets brushed to the side like garbage?! WHAT THE ? I hate swearing online, but seriously, what the . How could anyone be so heartless? Oh, and Animal control doesn't open until 10 am and they don't have an answering machine set up. The message says to call the police when they're not open. When did animal control turn into a 9-5 job? What happens if a bear dives into the early morning trash? or if someone finds a snake in their bathroom at night when they want to jump in the shower? The cops can't do much, so it falls to animal control, but they don't come out because they're closed? That makes no sense what so ever.

 

Mom finally got ahold of someone and she's waiting for someone to show up. I hope it makes it okay, or at the very least is treated with respect. Unlike that other jerk who just shoved him off to the side and left him. "Oh, the guy's already got hit, let me just roll him around with my rake, it won't hurt him further or nuthin, dur hurr." That's animal cruelty! Ugh I'm so mad right now.

[Clya]

Hi everyone, I haven't really come here to rant myself before, but I'm feeling really bad right now

So please just bear with me...

 

So I'm getting out of the shower, just a regular everyday thing, and I happen to take a glance at myself in the mirror, normally I wouldn't care and just carry on with my day, maybe fix my hair etc.

This time, though I just hate what I see and break down. I'm not the prettiest or unusual and I know that, and that's not what bugged me. It wasn't my height (I'm pretty short), or the awkwardness of my hair, but it's the fact that the right side of my body is practically a straight line. You see, I have scoliosis (if you don't know what it is, go look it up, basically though it's a spine deformity).

I've known I've had scoliosis for about 5 years and the only thing that has been done about it, was the day I found out 5 years ago I got an x-ray proving I had it. I know so much about it from what I have looked up myself and learned about it (from what I can tell I have a Right Lumbar case of scoliosis). I hate hate hate hate hate how it makes me look, I can't wear form fitting clothing, I hate changing in the female locker room at the gym because I always get some sort of comment or look, and I'm a case where the curve in the Lumbar part of the spine causes me pain. Because of the pain I can't do certain activities I've come to enjoy because I am afraid they will cause me more pain or I just can't do it. And when I say hate, I really mean hate.

 

My parents seem to shrug off the entire thing whenever I bring it up, I have no brace, there has been no comment of surgery, nothing. I bring it up almost all the time because it worries me. It scares me. I can tell it's getting worse, and that's the scary part. And I don't know what it is this time, but I saw it and I just broke down. I don't normally care too much about my appearance, I do try to some extent, but I just completely broke down when I saw myself. I don't know how to go about this anymore, I know it's been a subconscious worry in the back of my mind and I think I just snapped. But like I said, it's SCARY. And people always like to point it out and the people who need to point it out just ignore it!

 

Thanks for letting me rant here, sorry if I went off track and you can't make sense of this... just letting me get this out is nice, thanks

[brairtrainer]

Hi everyone, I haven't really come here to rant myself before, but I'm feeling really bad right now

So please just bear with me...

 

So I'm getting out of the shower, just a regular everyday thing, and I happen to take a glance at myself in the mirror, normally I wouldn't care and just carry on with my day, maybe fix my hair etc.

This time, though I just hate what I see and break down. I'm not the prettiest or unusual and I know that, and that's not what bugged me. It wasn't my height (I'm pretty short), or the awkwardness of my hair, but it's the fact that the right side of my body is practically a straight line. You see, I have scoliosis (if you don't know what it is, go look it up, basically though it's a spine deformity).

I've known I've had scoliosis for about 5 years and the only thing that has been done about it, was the day I found out 5 years ago I got an x-ray proving I had it. I know so much about it from what I have looked up myself and learned about it (from what I can tell I have a Right Lumbar case of scoliosis). I hate hate hate hate hate how it makes me look, I can't wear form fitting clothing, I hate changing in the female locker room at the gym because I always get some sort of comment or look, and I'm a case where the curve in the Lumbar part of the spine causes me pain. Because of the pain I can't do certain activities I've come to enjoy because I am afraid they will cause me more pain or I just can't do it. And when I say hate, I really mean hate.

 

My parents seem to shrug off the entire thing whenever I bring it up, I have no brace, there has been no comment of surgery, nothing. I bring it up almost all the time because it worries me. It scares me. I can tell it's getting worse, and that's the scary part. And I don't know what it is this time, but I saw it and I just broke down. I don't normally care too much about my appearance, I do try to some extent, but I just completely broke down when I saw myself. I don't know how to go about this anymore, I know it's been a subconscious worry in the back of my mind and I think I just snapped. But like I said, it's SCARY. And people always like to point it out and the people who need to point it out just ignore it!

 

Thanks for letting me rant here, sorry if I went off track and you can't make sense of this... just letting me get this out is nice, thanks

I feel for you right now. It sucks when parents ignore your crys for help or to talk about something medical. If I were you I'd call your doctor and see if you can schedule an appointment and tell your parents. Have him address the issue with them and maybe they'll listen. *hugs*

 

[wondergirl888]

Hi. My parents have been divorced for about 3 years, and I live with my dad. I rarely see my mother because she is an alcoholic. Me and my brother used to have supervised visit with her on a weekly basis. Those visits stopped for a long time, but she called. Then she stopped calling. And a few months ago she called, but she said mean things about my dad. Today my dad said that she called and said that she wanted to talk to me. I reluctantly said yes not wanting to be rude. Then my dad says that anytime something bad happens with my mom my grades suffer horribly. I noticed that pattern too. I don't want to be rude, but if something bad happens my grades will suffer. What should I do?

[brairtrainer]

Hi. My parents have been divorced for about 3 years, and I live with my dad. I rarely see my mother because she is an alcoholic. Me and my brother used to have supervised visit with her on a weekly basis. Those visits stopped for a long time, but she called. Then she stopped calling. And a few months ago she called, but she said mean things about my dad. Today my dad said that she called and said that she wanted to talk to me. I reluctantly said yes not wanting to be rude. Then my dad says that anytime something bad happens with my mom my grades suffer horribly. I noticed that pattern too. I don't want to be rude, but if something bad happens my grades will suffer. What should I do?

I'd recomend requesting a no contact order for your mom. Depending on the state you may have to get it reissued every so often and you may be able to put stipulations (like if she regularly attends AA meetings for a period of time she can contact you, etc.)

[Ribombee]

This is a rant mostly to get it out, but if you have helpful suggestions, I'm open to them.

 

I'm such a ball of stress right now. I'm working on my thesis. I have two advisors. One is very nurturing and supportive, but the other is very hardcore and brutal. I've sent my intro chapter draft to the supportive one, but it's time to send to the other. I don't mind if he tears it up and shows me where to fix problems. What scares me is that I'm convinced he thinks I don't really do much or that I'm not a good student. He always expects an immediate answer from me when he asks a question, but I don't work that way. I'm a deep thinker. I always take a few moments before I say anything of any importance. It's just how I work. Yet he takes it as a sign that I don't know my own research. So every time, it only increases my nervousness about talking to him, which makes everything worse because then I do often say the wrong things. So I'm kind of terrified of sending my draft to him.

 

On top of that, I have a publication I'm a coauthor on which has been submitted to Genome Biology. They rejected it at first, but now they've rescinded the rejection and are considering it again with no revisions necessary yet. So I'm on pins and needles about that.

 

So here I am, a big puddle of stress, and I think I should take some time for myself. Except when I do that, I feel super guilty and also have a really hard time picking my work back up. I know doing so will just skyrocket my stress levels again. Any suggestions for stress management that doesn't require taking much time out of my day? I do go on walks, cuddle my cats, try deep breathing. I'm mostly able to manage until I remember I have to go talk to my advisor about my thesis. Then it starts up all over again. It's paralyzing to the point at which it's difficult to do anything, but then if I don't do anything, I really AM a bad student. It's a vicious cycle.

Edited April 27, 2016 by harlequinraven

[Natayah]

Dear Harlie, I'm gonna send you a private PM about some things, but there is one thing I would like to address.

 

Aside from the emotional support thread, which I think has helped a lot of people, I think there should be a "thesis process (masters or PhD)" support thread or group here. That may sound really narrow, except when you count in the age range of people here and how often I hear people talking about this process, a ton of people have either been thru the process in the recent past, are going thru it now, or are going to go thru it. A Thesis process is very different than most life stressors. Unfortunately, it is one of the most critical things you will be doing in your life (at least up to this point) and you have spent so much money time and effort, you've got to get thru it. And a "do over" isn't really a good answer. Not without a TON of time and effort. And some people its do or die. So I think talking to people who go thru that specific life event is fantastic. And since there a greater concentration of females in STEM or related type subjects (of course it would be often to all, but there are also concerns for that demographic specifically), there are a lot of people who play this game who fit that bill.

 

So you guys should go start that thread. I skipped the whole college process (which I am proud of, but that's a whole other conversation), but I'm married to a crazy brilliant person who knows lots of other type people, and if people are going to also discuss these topics, based on what it is, I would even chime in if I could offer support on a specific topic.

 

But for nutshell: Thesis process doesn't get a do-over. There are some reasons that profs might be hard in the current learning culture or just their personality. But you need support to get thru it cuz you HAVE to get thru it. And you will. I think talking to others who are going thru this and have gone thru will provide you the most critical support. Someone go start a thread on this if it doesn't already exist cuz its super critical.

[georgexu94]

I'm such a ball of stress right now. I'm working on my thesis. I have two advisors. One is very nurturing and supportive, but the other is very hardcore and brutal. I've sent my intro chapter draft to the supportive one, but it's time to send to the other. I don't mind if he tears it up and shows me where to fix problems. What scares me is that I'm convinced he thinks I don't really do much or that I'm not a good student. He always expects an immediate answer from me when he asks a question, but I don't work that way. I'm a deep thinker. I always take a few moments before I say anything of any importance. It's just how I work. Yet he takes it as a sign that I don't know my own research. So every time, it only increases my nervousness about talking to him, which makes everything worse because then I do often say the wrong things. So I'm kind of terrified of sending my draft to him.

 

-snip-

I'm going on a similar though not completely the same situation. I have a thesis too and well, I'm going to say that there are times when people will dislike your work (or work you and your groupmates made) but that does not mean the output is worthless. They are comments to make you improve. I do however agree that there are just arrogant people who like to show off by dismissing another's idea. The tricky thing is the balance on whether a comment is constructive criticism or just plainly pulling you down. You have to be empathetic with your mentor. Only you (and your groupmates), who are experiencing how your other mentor speaks can judge if he's just being mean.

 

Anyway, you can always come to both mentors for emotional support too. You can tell your second mentor that how you say stuff is just being you. You have to say or show it clearly that you did your due diligence. Most mentors I encounter are understanding like that. I'm a very emotional person and I don't hide my feelings. If I find the approach of one professor a bit uncomfortable, I speak to them about it.

 

Lastly, this is not related to thesis and school work, but rather self care. Self care is very important. You got to love you. You should know your own self worth and not let other people's comments tell you otherwise.

[NoraNora]

Had my confirmation, hated it, since I don't believe.

Dad was surprisingly tame for it. The other day, I got lectured almost to tears from him screaming about how saying "Maybe, probably, the other day," aren't real answers, and other day means any day (pretty sure it means the day before yesterday which I told him..)

 

Oh yeah, I met a girl ;3; She was an absolute sweetheart. She's nice, caring, trusting, and understanding. While I'm not a look-judger, she's super freaking pretty..

 

So I made a move and asked her out. She had no clue I was Pan though. We got real close, and I felt that since we were so tight-knit, it would work out..

 

WOW, I was so terribly wrong.

In my confession I worked up the courage to say, I told her I was pan, and how I felt. She gave me the most disgusted look I'd ever seen and rejected me completely. She told me Pans, bis, whatever she could think of were disgusting, and she'd never told me she was against any of it. Thankfully she didn't humiliate me since it was Saturday and we were hanging out in the park, a little bit away from people. She raised her hand like she wanted to hit me, but thank god she didn't..

 

When she calmed down during the rejection though, she kindly told me we couldn't be anything more than passerbys to each other now, because she wanted nothing to do with a "Pan- -freak" like me..

 

 

My heart is so broken right now. My parents don't know since I never came out to them. I'm just nothing but a huge ball of depression....

Love really sucks sometimes...and she was the first crush I'd ever had..

[HeatherMarie]

Oh my goodness I'm so sorry NoraNora. That really sucks. Rejection can take awhile to get over. I have to say I'm glad that you told her, though, because the longer you wait the worse the rejection feels.

[Syiren]

Had my confirmation, hated it, since I don't believe.

Dad was surprisingly tame for it. The other day, I got lectured almost to tears from him screaming about how saying "Maybe, probably, the other day," aren't real answers, and other day means any day (pretty sure it means the day before yesterday which I told him..)

 

Oh yeah, I met a girl ;3; She was an absolute sweetheart. She's nice, caring, trusting, and understanding. While I'm not a look-judger, she's super freaking pretty..

 

So I made a move and asked her out. She had no clue I was Pan though. We got real close, and I felt that since we were so tight-knit, it would work out..

 

WOW, I was so terribly wrong.

In my confession I worked up the courage to say, I told her I was pan, and how I felt. She gave me the most disgusted look I'd ever seen and rejected me completely. She told me Pans, bis, whatever she could think of were disgusting, and she'd never told me she was against any of it. Thankfully she didn't humiliate me since it was Saturday and we were hanging out in the park, a little bit away from people. She raised her hand like she wanted to hit me, but thank god she didn't..

 

When she calmed down during the rejection though, she kindly told me we couldn't be anything more than passerbys to each other now, because she wanted nothing to do with a "Pan- -freak" like me..

 

 

My heart is so broken right now. My parents don't know since I never came out to them. I'm just nothing but a huge ball of depression....

Love really sucks sometimes...and she was the first crush I'd ever had..

*hugs you tightly*

 

I'm so sorry that happened. I went through a break up a few months ago and it hurt, but I can't even begin to understand how horrible is feels to be flat out rejected like that. Even worse was what she thought of you and others who see love differently.

 

I believe that if you love someone it doesn't matter if they are of the same gender. Love is love and you can't deny it what you feel. There is nothing wrong with it. It's heartbreaking to know that she even prefers to not be friends anymore just because your views are different and she can't seem to handle different kinds of love.

 

I know this won't cure your pain, but maybe it can ease it a little.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C6jG2ZLSq4

[NoraNora]

Thank you for the messages and responses on the thread..it means a lot. Sorry I couldn't get back to them all, though.. *hugs everybody back*

 

But unfortunately.. I didn't stop by again just to say that..

And if you read a lot of my posts here, the most common cause is my father..

me, right? Ha...

 

He basically buried my self esteem six feet under the last night..and made it just as hard to hope that one day I can come out as Pansexual.(Well, panromantic Demi)

First, he 'taught' me how to eat chicken (like the wing, usually with your hands) but I prefer using utensils because I don't like using my hands for certain foods like that. He got mad because I was 'too ladylike'...how? By not eating like an animal with something I'd most likely never eat around others?

 

Then suddenly, he brought up a sensitive topic, being my weight. Which should show I obviously don't like to talk about it but whoops here we go..

After the weird lesson, he brought up how much I'm not eating or excerciseing. Um, sorry, I do more than you do each week, sorry. But, he said I was lacking a lot of stuff like protein, and then compared me to how my mom was back when she was my age. He basically told me she was in way better shape. Um, that's because (and she told me) she did tennis four hours a day and didn't eat much, but still got what she needed.

Then he had the nerve to say, and I quote, "<Name>, lets be real, I'm more fit then you and your brother, and that's not good." OH, so my brother and i are fatter then you? You started eating pastries or something in place of dinner(though not all the time), shut your mouth please.

 

Onto the coming out part. We were watching StrangeAddiction, and this girl came up. She was transgender, and my dad nearly blew up. "He's not a girl. If he thinks that, he had some serious mental issues. Same with your friend whose genderfluid. She needs help too, that's not healthy. If he owns a , he's a boy, end of story." Well, my friend has nothing to do with that so don't bring him into this. And that's great, people who are themselves have mental issues apparently, okay great. And since he hates that, I've heard him rant about 'pansexuals aren't real, all these weird sexualities are corrupting our world." So there went any chances of coming out. Hahahahahahaha, great right?

Edited May 10, 2016 by NoraNora

[Twilight-Stasis]

Thank you for the messages and responses on the thread..it means a lot. Sorry I couldn't get back to them all, though.. *hugs everybody back*

 

But unfortunately.. I didn't stop by again just to say that..

And if you read a lot of my posts here, the most common cause is my father..

me, right? Ha...

 

He basically buried my self esteem six feet under the last night..and made it just as hard to hope that one day I can come out as Pansexual.(Well, panromantic Demi)

First, he 'taught' me how to eat chicken (like the wing, usually with your hands) but I prefer using utensils because I don't like using my hands for certain foods like that. He got mad because I was 'too ladylike'...how? By not eating like an animal with something I'd most likely never eat around others? 

 

Then suddenly, he brought up a sensitive topic, being my weight. Which should show I obviously don't like to talk about it but whoops here we go..

After the weird lesson, he brought up how much I'm not eating or excerciseing. Um, sorry, I do more than you do each week, sorry. But, he said I was lacking a lot of stuff like protein, and then compared me to how my mom was back when she was my age. He basically told me she was in way better shape. Um, that's because (and she told me) she did tennis four hours a day and didn't eat much, but still got what she needed.

Then he had the nerve to say, and I quote, "<Name>, lets be real, I'm more fit then you and your brother, and that's not good." OH, so my brother and i are fatter then you? You started eating pastries or something in place of dinner(though not all the time), shut your mouth please.

 

Onto the coming out part. We were watching StrangeAddiction, and this girl came up. She was transgender, and my dad nearly blew up. "He's not a girl. If he thinks that, he had some serious mental issues. Same with your friend whose genderfluid. She needs help too, that's not healthy. If he owns a , he's a boy, end of story." Well, my friend has nothing to do with that so don't bring him into this. And that's great, people who are themselves have mental issues apparently, okay great. And since he hates that, I've heard him rant about 'pansexuals aren't real, all these weird sexualities are corrupting our world." So there went any chances of coming out. Hahahahahahaha, great right?

oh wow, that sounds terrible!*hugs*

I not very good with advice on parents seeing as I have no idea how to talk to my dad at all but I'll try.

My dad is pretty similar, except he isn't very open about what he thinks unless its at the dinner table. However I do know that whatever your dad thinks, you are you, and if that means that your Pansexual so be it. Coming out can be difficult, do you have any friends or family you can trust to tell first? If so start there, with a friend or sibling you trust after carefully asking about their opinions on sexuality and gender. I know that getting shot down like that may have made you cautious about telling others about your sexuality, or afraid to bring the topic up around friends but telling someone can really take a weight of your chest.

I'm sorry if this didn't really help much, but I just wanted you to know, that we are all here for you if you need someone to talk to.

[~Magpie~]

@NoraNora

Add in another person you can talk to.

 

I'm a gay agender ace (my partner is also agender. we're also the same sex but that's less relevant), and my parents were hardly the most receptive to me coming out [against my will]. My mother refuses to accept the idea of my gender, and my dad thinks both my gender and sexuality are wrong and disgusting. He's even gone so far to insult my mental health because of it in more ways than I'd care to recount here. My mental cocktail may be interesting, but it isn't remotely related to my gender.

 

The same for you too, my dear. I'm sorry your dad is so ignorant, and I promise you your sexuality is valid no matter what he says. <3

 

If you ever feel the need to vent feel free to hit me up, I know people like your dad can be extremely frustrating and hurtful and it can feel good to get it out sometimes.

 

In regards to the weight thing: Your dad handled that poorly. I know less how to respond to this part, but in general I'd just say try to take care of yourself as best you're able and do your best to be comfortable with yourself. A healthy body doesn't always look like the media tells us it does, and that's definitely way more your personal concern than it is your dad's anyway.

[Predat0rs]

*looks around nervously*

 

Hello.

 

Where to begin...

 

Well, I'm a pansexual, transgendered guy with polyamorous thinking.

I'm married to a wonderful transgender woman, with a beautiful autistic son.

While we are trans, we are not going to change our "parts." We are legally a married Straight couple, female and male.

 

My mom is against the LGBT Community and it irks me. Her thinking is that I am a girl, will always be a girl, and claiming I'm anything but is against God.

Though I will never change completely into a guy, I still consider myself to be a guy. I will answer to her/she, but I prefer masculine pronouns. I wont correct someone if they refer to me as female.

She believes pansexuality is a sin, and for me to like anything other than just "penis" is wrong. Even when I claimed to be bisexual, she believed it to be a sin.

She even went above and beyond to tell me that if I ever got married to anything but a man, she'd disown me. I did get married to a "guy," but the fact that he's trans makes her angry.

 

My mom also dislikes the fact that I'm okay with multiple lovers. I understand this part, because not a lot of people do. Poly is gross to the majority of people.

 

Why are parents so ignorant sometimes, though?

[Twilight-Stasis]

*looks around nervously*

 

Hello.

 

Where to begin...

 

Well, I'm a pansexual, transgendered guy with polyamorous thinking.

I'm married to a wonderful transgender woman, with a beautiful autistic son.

While we are trans, we are not going to change our "parts." We are legally a married Straight couple, female and male.

 

My mom is against the LGBT Community and it irks me. Her thinking is that I am a girl, will always be a girl, and claiming I'm anything but is against God.

Though I will never change completely into a guy, I still consider myself to be a guy. I will answer to her/she, but I prefer masculine pronouns. I wont correct someone if they refer to me as female.

She believes pansexuality is a sin, and for me to like anything other than just "penis" is wrong. Even when I claimed to be bisexual, she believed it to be a sin.

She even went above and beyond to tell me that if I ever got married to anything but a man, she'd disown me. I did get married to a "guy," but the fact that he's trans makes her angry.

 

My mom also dislikes the fact that I'm okay with multiple lovers. I understand this part, because not a lot of people do. Poly is gross to the majority of people.

 

Why are parents so ignorant sometimes, though?

That is not ok, your mother is handling that very poorly and it is not ok for her to do that.

I think parents are ignorant sometimes because of the fact that some of them have this image in their heads of their children being absolutely everything they want them to be and when they realize that's not who you are they freak out. All the same, it's not ok for someone to go "well so and so were born a such and such sex, so I think of them as a such and such gender" I think very few people realize that your sex and your gender aren't the same thing. Having a sexuality different form 'the norm' is not a sin so don't feel guilty about it, your life is your life, live it the way you want to.

[Predat0rs]

That is not ok, your mother is handling that very poorly and it is not ok for her to do that.

I think parents are ignorant sometimes because of the fact that some of them have this image in their heads of their children being absolutely everything they want them to be and when they realize that's not who you are they freak out. All the same, it's not ok for someone to go "well so and so were born a such and such sex, so I think of them as a such and such gender" I think very few people realize that your sex and your gender aren't the same thing. Having a sexuality different form 'the norm' is not a sin so don't feel guilty about it, your life is your life, live it the way you want to.

Thank you for the support.

 

I know she wants me to be her idea of a "perfect child." I do know that. She even says it at times. "Why couldn't you be the child I wanted??"

 

It's all very emotional. I wish she'd understand that I am not what she wanted in a child, and that my life IS my life.

[hazeh]

Thank you for the support.

 

I know she wants me to be her idea of a "perfect child." I do know that. She even says it at times. "Why couldn't you be the child I wanted??"

 

It's all very emotional. I wish she'd understand that I am not what she wanted in a child, and that my life IS my life.

For whatever reason, some parents get this notion of "I created/raised you, therefore you are mine" that leads them to feel as though they are entitled to the compensation of your utmost obedience. The "you owe me" mentality for doing the basic requirements as parents irks me to no end. Regardless of your circumstances, you are you own person, and you are not obligated to preform according to how your parents want. You have your own agency to be you.

 

I'm sorry your mom treats you like that. Every parent runs the risk of raising a child different than they expect, and she is no exception. I hope some day she treats you with more respect.

 

All my best to you and your wife!

[AppleMango]

*looks around nervously*

 

Hello.

 

Where to begin...

 

Well, I'm a pansexual, transgendered guy with polyamorous thinking.

I'm married to a wonderful transgender woman, with a beautiful autistic son.

While we are trans, we are not going to change our "parts." We are legally a married Straight couple, female and male.

 

My mom is against the LGBT Community and it irks me. Her thinking is that I am a girl, will always be a girl, and claiming I'm anything but is against God.

Though I will never change completely into a guy, I still consider myself to be a guy. I will answer to her/she, but I prefer masculine pronouns. I wont correct someone if they refer to me as female.

She believes pansexuality is a sin, and for me to like anything other than just "penis" is wrong. Even when I claimed to be bisexual, she believed it to be a sin.

She even went above and beyond to tell me that if I ever got married to anything but a man, she'd disown me. I did get married to a "guy," but the fact that he's trans makes her angry.

 

My mom also dislikes the fact that I'm okay with multiple lovers. I understand this part, because not a lot of people do. Poly is gross to the majority of people.

 

Why are parents so ignorant sometimes, though?

I don't think that most people think being poly is gross. I think they more think that it's kind of immoral or kind of like cheating.

I think that as long as everyone that's in the relationship knows about it and is alright with it than there's nothing wrong with it, even though it's not something I would want for myself.

I wish more people would see it that way, or if they don't then just realise that someone else's relationship isn't really any of their business and they should just butt out. I'm sorry more people don't understand you, especially your mum.

I think it's impossible to have a child without thinking about what you want them to be, and some parents don't know how to cope when the child doesn't grow up to be what they imagined. More people need to realise that your children aren't your property. They are their own human being and they will most probably grow up differently to what you imagined, but that isn't a bad thing.

[Predat0rs]

For whatever reason, some parents get this notion of "I created/raised you, therefore you are mine" that leads them to feel as though they are entitled to the compensation of your utmost obedience. The "you owe me" mentality for doing the basic requirements as parents irks me to no end. Regardless of your circumstances, you are you own person, and you are not obligated to preform according to how your parents want. You have your own agency to be you.

 

I'm sorry your mom treats you like that. Every parent runs the risk of raising a child different than they expect, and she is no exception. I hope some day she treats you with more respect.

 

All my best to you and your wife!

Thank you, thank you!

 

I really hope that she does treat me with a little more respect in the future.

 

I don't think that most people think being poly is gross. I think they more think that it's kind of immoral or kind of like cheating.

I think that as long as everyone that's in the relationship knows about it and is alright with it than there's nothing wrong with it, even though it's not something I would want for myself.

I wish more people would see it that way, or if they don't then just realise that someone else's relationship isn't really any of their business and they should just butt out. I'm sorry more people don't understand you, especially your mum.

I think it's impossible to have a child without thinking about what you want them to be, and some parents don't know how to cope when the child doesn't grow up to be what they imagined. More people need to realise that your children aren't your property. They are their own human being and they will most probably grow up differently to what you imagined, but that isn't a bad thing.

 

Thank you as well. I understand that a lot of people may see it as cheating, et cetera. I wish my mom didn't see me as property, but as a human being who wants to be accepted and loved unconditionally...

[Shadlok]

It's 5:08AM as I begin to write this, and I really wish I could just sleep. I'm so exhausted all of the time, I'm 30weeks and 6days pregnant, and I've just got out of hospital again after another 3 day stint. This time it's suspected pre-eclampsia but I'm going to have to wait until they can do a detailed scan to find out, and if it is then I'm going to have to be kept in hospital for the last couple of months of the pregnancy so they can continually monitor me. I've had so many health issues with the pregnancy now that I just feel drained. I'm only awake now because of the sickness, and I've actually lost weight in the past 10 weeks because of how sick I've been. I'm so tired of being in hospital and having needles, my arms are both really swollen because of the IV fluids I've been having to have over the past few days and I won't even begin on the emotional stress of thinking about the labor and if I'm even good enough to raise a child alone.

 

It seems really petty now that it's written down, but it's bugging me so much right now.

[Obscure_Trash]

It's 5:08AM as I begin to write this, and I really wish I could just sleep. I'm so exhausted all of the time, I'm 30weeks and 6days pregnant, and I've just got out of hospital again after another 3 day stint. This time it's suspected pre-eclampsia but I'm going to have to wait until they can do a detailed scan to find out, and if it is then I'm going to have to be kept in hospital for the last couple of months of the pregnancy so they can continually monitor me. I've had so many health issues with the pregnancy now that I just feel drained. I'm only awake now because of the sickness, and I've actually lost weight in the past 10 weeks because of how sick I've been. I'm so tired of being in hospital and having needles, my arms are both really swollen because of the IV fluids I've been having to have over the past few days and I won't even begin on the emotional stress of thinking about the labor and if I'm even good enough to raise a child alone.

 

It seems really petty now that it's written down, but it's bugging me so much right now.

That's so scary! I'm so sorry your pregnancy is so rough. *hugs* But I know that you can do this. You can get through this and you are good enough to raise a child alone. No one ever feels like they know what they're doing, whether it's their first kid or their fifth, but you figure it out as you go. There are plenty of resources to go to if you have questions, as well. (Yay internet for making it easier and quicker to communicate with each other.)

 

Your pregnancy is eventually going to end and those sore arms will heal and you'll feel better rested. We're here for you. You can get through this. Just keep on trekking. You're doing great so far. <3 Send you all my best thoughts for luck and health.

[WolfBrother1992]

*looks around nervously*

 

Hello.

 

Where to begin...

 

Babe, I love you!

 

Mom-In-Law can be a bit against us, but we will make it through! We always do!

 

Have faith, you little atheist.

 

Love,

Your wifey.