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Obscure_Trash

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Silverwinter - While I can understand your mom's disappointment at the withdrawal of physical affection, she's definitely not handling it the right way by pushing you and invading your privacy. If you can't talk to your dad, is there any distant family you could talk to (distant just meaning not your parents)? Or a friend's parents that you trust and like? Someone who could help talk to your parents or help provide a buffer - perhaps a place to crash when you need a break?

 

Lady_Lunevis - When it rains, it pours! Hopefully that is just a coincidence. I'm glad you've got some great friends to help!

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Silverwinter - While I can understand your mom's disappointment at the withdrawal of physical affection, she's definitely not handling it the right way by pushing you and invading your privacy. If you can't talk to your dad, is there any distant family you could talk to (distant just meaning not your parents)? Or a friend's parents that you trust and like? Someone who could help talk to your parents or help provide a buffer - perhaps a place to crash when you need a break?

It's just upsetting because I've made it absolutely clear to her I don't want to be touched, and she's never respected my space.. I have no where to go, so it makes me feel completely trapped here. I can't drive yet.

I know a lot of people say this but I genuinely have no friends IRL, no where to go there.

 

Before I make myself sound completely helpless though, I might have a shining bright light at the end of the tunnel here. We're planning on building a separate place downstairs for me and my girlfriend.. I'm not sure how long that's going to take but god I hope it comes soon.

 

I also thought about maybe telling my therapist to help me out with my mom, I'd have to put up with an uncomfortable session where she's in with me, though.

I hate sounding like such a brat, but there's a lot of parts to my experience with my parents that are difficult to lay out. :/

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Mm, I'm sorry to hear there is no other easier alternative. I hope the downstairs works out!

 

Yeah, therapy is supposed to be a healing place and can end up being our safe space. There are things you need more time to be able to face. If your therapist could help with your mom, that'd be great! But don't push yourself to do something you're not ready for yet. <3

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Again sorry for not individually replying/offering support to others so *spreads the love*

 

I think my mother often reports my dads odd behavior to my grandmother but, not sure. I don't think anybody else realizes it though and honestly I'd like to keep it down until he lashes out. It's a stupid decision but I just..I dunno.

 

He's forcing me now to take driving school and such. HFAJHJHDSJF. I do NOT want to drive and do NOT want to learn anytime soon, he pressured and yelled at my brother so much, and now wants to do the same with me...HNNNGH.

 

He also keeps asking me if guys on TV are hot, like sometimes in movies there's a handsome looking guy, or a shirtless dude on those cheesy horror sci-fis like Croczilla or something. I keep telling him no, but I feel like he's asking to figure out what I'm attracted to. It happens only with the dudes in shows or walking by kids my age. It's so weird, especially since he doesn't want me having a boyfriend yet lmao. It sucks since I can't tell him I'm Pan, and I don't think he'd understand.

 

THANKFULLY though, my grades are pretty good, so that got him off my back..

But he crossed the line (my mother says) when he told me to work harder in Algebra.

 

I am horrible at Algebra and have math issues that go deeper then that, I think my mother said it was Algebra MD, I don't remember. But, I have a C in that class and work my butt off. He gives me a lecture saying how bad that is and that I need to try harder, socialize with teachers. They help me literally every chance they get and I'm trying my best. My mother is irritated because you never tell someone with learning issues and such to try harder.

 

Luckily, the Algebra teacher had sent a perfectly-timed report saying how great I was doing and how focused and hardworking I was, so he shut up real fast.

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He's forcing me now to take driving school and such. HFAJHJHDSJF. I do NOT want to drive and do NOT want to learn anytime soon, he pressured and yelled at my brother so much, and now wants to do the same with me...HNNNGH.

 

First off, *hugs* and I'm glad to hear that your algebra teacher knows you're doing your best and praises you for that, especially since it shut your father down on that topic.

 

And now for the part you might not want to hear... your father has a point in wanting you to learn to drive now. No, I don't agree with him browbeating you, pressuring you, etc; that's just wrong. But, and I'm talking from experience with friends and family here, the younger you are when you learn to drive, the better off you'll be... especially if you're in the US, where public transportation can be limited if not nonexistent.

 

This assumes no physical reason you can't or shouldn't learn to drive, of course.

 

But I remember my grandmother, who grew up in the 1930s, when it was still fairly uncommon for women to learn to drive. She did get her license when she was nearly 40, after my grandfather had his first heart attack, because she had to be able to take him to the doctor and stuff. But she was an awful driver, for not having learned at a younger age, and she was scared of driving to the point that she would still ask my dad or one of his siblings to take her anywhere further than about 15 or 20 miles.

 

I've got a friend who grew up in a large city with good public transportation, who chose not to go through Driver's Ed in high school, reasoning that she didn't need to drive because she could always take the bus. And now that she's out of college, she's discovered that she's limited in where she can live and find work, because she can't drive and too many places don't have good... or any... public transportation. She admits that she wants to learn to drive now, but is having trouble finding time and money for a driving school because the cost of living is high in the area she needs to stay in so that she can keep using public transportation. Plus the time she spends commuting to work by bus cuts into her free time by a lot.

 

And I know that last from personal experience as well. When my car was out of commission for a while last year, I had to take the bus to work. (Thankfully, at the time, I lived where that was possible!) A ten-minute trip by car could be anywhere from half an hour to 45 minutes including the wait at the transfer point when I rode the bus. It's for these reasons that I'm already taking my own daughter out to deserted parking lots and putting her behind the wheel for a bit, even though she's not quite 16 yet. She doesn't especially want to learn to drive and has no real interest in driving, but I've explained all of this to her and she agrees that she would rather learn now and get comfortable with the whole idea of driving at a younger age, than wait and either limit her own life options or become dependent on other people.

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Stopping by to say that I regret not learning to drive at 16. Everything's so far now and a surprising amount of jobs need me to have my own car to get to work -- and since I'm unemployed at the moment I'm taking driver's ed on my own time to catch up on what I missed.

 

Think of it as another step to growing up!

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I don't think anybody else realizes it though and honestly I'd like to keep it down until he lashes out.

You don't have to answer anything here, but I would just like to point out that if you start documenting things he says/does and when he says/does them, and you let somebody know about it - while nothing may get done now or be able to get done now, if he does become physical, having documentation of prior behavior and having told someone about it could end up helping you be believed and get help in the long run.

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This is quite trivial compared to some of the heavy stuff other people have shared, but this is bumming me out:

 

I was complaining about yardwork (specifically weeding, which is so BORING) and my boyfriend suggested that I wear headphones to give me something to do. I pointed out that it is unsafe to do this, as I am weeding the front yard that opens onto a public street- both because of traffic and because I need to be alert to my surroundings.

 

Really, this seems like an obvious safety issue for adults AND children. I feel frustrated because women are taught so many defensive strategies to protect themselves (which sucks in so many ways that I won't go in to at the moment), and because my boyfriend just doesn't get it. I tried to explain, and he kindly listened, but I think he just believes I am paranoid whenever I mention this sort of thing.

 

Edit: To clarify, I'm not bummed out at him, he's actually great, I'm bummed out at the way I've been trained to view my own safety. It makes me sad.

Edited by toyofubl

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it breaks my hear when animals die. It breaks my heart when some animals are dumb and it causes them to die. Such as my fish, it managed to find a tiny spot in the lid where it could get through and end up dying on the floor. It breaks my heart.

 

I want them to enjoy life, not end up dead at my hands, argh, firefish are leapers, I knew this,which was why I added a lip to my lid, but it must have had power enough to burst past that lip.

 

it REALLY upsets me that this happens. Its not the cost of the fish that upsets me, its the fact I somehow failed it.

 

I suppose a gumdrop croucher would be a better choice? They don't jump.

Edited by Starscream

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it breaks my hear when animals die. It breaks my heart when some animals are dumb and it causes them to die. Such as my fish, it managed to find a tiny spot in the lid where it could get through and end up dying on the floor. It breaks my heart.

 

I want them to enjoy life, not end up dead at my hands, argh, firefish are leapers, I knew this,which was why I added a lip to my lid, but it must have had power enough to burst past that lip.

 

it REALLY upsets me that this happens. Its not the cost of the fish that upsets me, its the fact I somehow failed it.

 

I suppose a gumdrop croucher would be a better choice? They don't jump.

Oh, Starscream, I'm so sorry sad.gif Our pets depend on us for so much, and it is painful when we lose them.

 

I've had this problem before- how large of a tank are we talking? I was able to use some tight netting over the lid, as long as it didn't form a pocket for the jumping fish to get caught inside.

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10 gallon, commonlykept pico fish.

I've done this trick with a 2.5, 5, and 10 gal.

 

I take craft store tulle and some kind of elastic/rubber band and pretend my tank is an old fashioned jam jar. I also tape or cover any areas where the filter/heater/air pump things come through the cover.

 

It's kept bettas, aquatic frogs (I caught one scooting across my carpet once, luckily I found him before he dehydrated), guppies, various other friends in their tank. I don't know if this is something you'd be interested in, but I did this after I found a dried guppy under my tank table. It was awful. I Thought he was a small leaf at first, but no, he was a dead fish.

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I have a lid, but it has just enough space it seems to get past. I probably will order a custom made lid that sits on the rim and leaves no space. I am really bummed out by this. Seeing I have no other fish in my tank, I have removed the lid - the coral can now get uninterrupted light.

 

the tulle idea is not really work able, due to the nature of the tank and how equipment enters it.

Edited by Starscream

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I have a lid, but it has just enough space it seems to get past. I probably will order a custom made lid that sits on the rim and leaves no space. I am really bummed out by this. Seeing I have no other fish in my tank, I have removed the lid - the coral can now get uninterrupted light.

 

the tulle idea is not really work able, due to the nature of the tank and how equipment enters it.

It sounds like your tank is probably cooler than mine, then, with more gadgets and thingamabobs. I hope you and your future fish have a safer, less sad time. sad.gif

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expensive gadgets and thingamabobs. Some of my reefing buddies have pointed me to a maker of tight fitting nice looking lids.

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This is quite trivial compared to some of the heavy stuff other people have shared, but this is bumming me out:

 

I was complaining about yardwork (specifically weeding, which is so BORING) and my boyfriend suggested that I wear headphones to give me something to do. I pointed out that it is unsafe to do this, as I am weeding the front yard that opens onto a public street- both because of traffic and because I need to be alert to my surroundings.

 

Really, this seems like an obvious safety issue for adults AND children. I feel frustrated because women are taught so many defensive strategies to protect themselves (which sucks in so many ways that I won't go in to at the moment), and because my boyfriend just doesn't get it. I tried to explain, and he kindly listened, but I think he just believes I am paranoid whenever I mention this sort of thing.

 

Edit: To clarify, I'm not bummed out at him, he's actually great, I'm bummed out at the way I've been trained to view my own safety. It makes me sad.

I'm sorry your boyfriend brushed you off and that you feel bummed out. D:

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A lot of people have prefaced their posts this way, so I must address it!

 

There is absolutely no need to apologize for needing a shoulder to lean on or an ear to rant to or someone to hug. Someone else's problems do not erase your own. You are allowed to have big problems. You are allowed to have small problems.

 

You are allowed to feel the way you feel.

 

This thread wasn't created to deal with only specific issue (and in fact some issues are so big, they belong with a professional rather than here). If you feel the need to post here, then your need is valid and legitimate.

 

You are not putting down anyone else's problems just by posting here with your own.

 

Your feelings are legitimate and real. Please don't feel as if you ever have to apologize for having them. That is what this thread is here for. <3

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@Sock Thank you for addressing that; I always apologize too much because I feel like my feelings are a burden bluh and I hate potentially interrupting people

 

--

 

I do have another thing to vent about, and it's not as intense this time but it's still crappy.

I'm worried that I'm extremely annoying?? Not a "usual" annoyance but just this specific thing.

 

For example, someone will introduce me to a game or something, and I'll get really into it because we both like it and it's exciting -- and eventually they'll stop playing, and I believe it's because I talk about it too much or want them to play it with me too much.

 

It makes me not want to do anything with anyone because I run the risk of this.

 

And also I feel like I try to help too much, or come up with too many ideas and overload people with a bunch of stuff. I don't know, it's hard to explain. I just think I'm annoying, and I always have a suspicion that people are just putting up with me being around. It feels like they're thinking "Oh god, it's them again." when they see me or whatever.

 

It's really hard to ask people if they think I'm annoying because they're not going to be rude and say 'Yes'. But on the other hand if someone DID say 'Yes' to that, I'd feel terrible.

Edited by Silverwinter

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sad.gif I feel upset. I'm jelous of people who do not need an effort to study yet get good grades or have success of some form. People who are innately intelligent. I on the other hand have to work hard for it. And yet, even with due diligence, I get lower success rates.

 

I probably need some other reply for this apart from the usual that I hear "It's your gain because they never experienced failure, so when it strikes them, they won't know how to react, whereas you do because you experienced it." That's a lot of garbage. What is more a garbage response is "Don't envy them. Do not envy wrongdoers and continue doing good." It is a garbage response because the other side didn't do anything wrong. They did no evil deed to get the success. They didn't cheat, or steal to obtain it. If they did, then this response will work.

 

I apologise if I keep on typing. Envy is one feeling I find difficult to cope with.

Edited by georgexu94

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I'm a bit upset right now; just got a rejection letter to one of the two universities I really wanted to attend. it has almost a 3x higher acceptance rate than my other dream school, too, so I feel like whatever chances I had at the other one just got completely voided unless some miracle manages to happen; and I won't even know until the end of the month for that one. I really don't know what to do now - I was completely banking on getting into this school and totally thought I had a good shot at it, and now I'm at a loss. I applied to tons of other schools, I just can't see myself going to any of them; I know very little about them and the areas aren't exactly my favorites, and I have absolutely no emotional connection to them like I did my top two. the fact that I also got waitlisted to a safety university today, too, isn't really helping my morale - I can't help but get scared that I only have a lot more rejections coming up. a little bit of support would be amazing. I just can't believe that the one place I honestly saw myself living at and enjoying suddenly isn't a reality I can live anymore.

 

senior year angst, everyone.

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@Sock Thank you for addressing that; I always apologize too much because I feel like my feelings are a burden bluh and I hate potentially interrupting people

 

--

 

I do have another thing to vent about, and it's not as intense this time but it's still crappy.

I'm worried that I'm extremely annoying?? Not a "usual" annoyance but just this specific thing.

 

For example, someone will introduce me to a game or something, and I'll get really into it because we both like it and it's exciting -- and eventually they'll stop playing, and I believe it's because I talk about it too much or want them to play it with me too much.

 

It makes me not want to do anything with anyone because I run the risk of this.

 

And also I feel like I try to help too much, or come up with too many ideas and overload people with a bunch of stuff. I don't know, it's hard to explain. I just think I'm annoying, and I always have a suspicion that people are just putting up with me being around. It feels like they're thinking "Oh god, it's them again." when they see me or whatever.

 

It's really hard to ask people if they think I'm annoying because they're not going to be rude and say 'Yes'. But on the other hand if someone DID say 'Yes' to that, I'd feel terrible.

(Do you have AVPD? Anxiety/depression? These kinds of thoughts are incredibly common with avoidants and others. You do NOT have to answer this, although I feel as though you might have talked about this before? I'm really just asking to give you something to think about.)

 

In any case, these are not fun thoughts to deal with them, and if you have somebody you can talk to about them (a school counselor, therapist, etc.), I think you definitely should. They can help you deal with these types of thoughts and deal with them in a more healthy manner.

 

One way to deal with thoughts such as these are to recognize them, address them, and then try to let them go/move past them.

 

Ex. "They must have stopped playing because I like the game too much and talk about it constantly!"

Pause, take a moment to breathe. Now address the thought. "People fall out of hobbies all the time. I am sad that I can't talk with them about this game as much now because they won't understand the references, but it's not my fault. I am allowed to like the game, and they are allowed to grow bored with the game. It is naturally to move post hobbies as time goes forward. It is not my fault."

 

Honestly, if people are making time to be around you, they don't find you annoying.

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sad.gif I feel upset. I'm jelous of people who do not need an effort to study yet get good grades or have success of some form. People who are innately intelligent. I on the other hand have to work hard for it. And yet, even with due diligence, I get lower success rates.

 

I probably need some other reply for this apart from the usual that I hear "It's your gain because they never experienced failure, so when it strikes them, they won't know how to react, whereas you do because you experienced it." That's a lot of garbage. What is more a garbage response is "Don't envy them. Do not envy wrongdoers and continue doing good." It is a garbage response because the other side didn't do anything wrong. They did no evil deed to get the success. They didn't cheat, or steal to obtain it. If they did, then this response will work.

 

I apologise if I keep on typing. Envy is one feeling I find difficult to cope with.

It's okay to be envious of people, particularly when they are succeeding where you are trying and not reaching the goals you want!

 

It's not like you're treating these people worse because they have talents that you don't, right? You're just having a normal human reaction. It's okay. You are not a bad person for having this reaction.

 

Yeah, it's really frustrating when you try so hard and can't get the same results. I've been there.

 

Perhaps you should try some different studying methods? Could you talk to a few different tutors or even just google some different study methods? Perhaps you just haven't found one that works for you yet. We are individuals with different learning styles. We're not all going to learn the same way or even be good at the same things.

 

Maybe those subjects just aren't your thing. It's unfortunate that there's very few school systems that understand and teach to kids of different abilities. School systems tend to be very stifling and unfortunately depressing.

 

I'm sorry that you're not feeling happy with yourself and that studying and working hard isn't helping. It does suck. Try to make a list of things you are good at. Whenever you're feeling down, think of that list and read it to yourself. This will remind you of things you enjoy and put your attention back on yourself, rather than those others who you are envious of.

 

You have worth. Just because school may not be your thing doesn't mean you can't do or experience good things. It's a struggle now, but you won't always be in school. You will be able to move on to things that you enjoy more and feel more successful at. =)

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I'm a bit upset right now; just got a rejection letter to one of the two universities I really wanted to attend. it has almost a 3x higher acceptance rate than my other dream school, too, so I feel like whatever chances I had at the other one just got completely voided unless some miracle manages to happen; and I won't even know until the end of the month for that one. I really don't know what to do now - I was completely banking on getting into this school and totally thought I had a good shot at it, and now I'm at a loss. I applied to tons of other schools, I just can't see myself going to any of them; I know very little about them and the areas aren't exactly my favorites, and I have absolutely no emotional connection to them like I did my top two. the fact that I also got waitlisted to a safety university today, too, isn't really helping my morale - I can't help but get scared that I only have a lot more rejections coming up. a little bit of support would be amazing. I just can't believe that the one place I honestly saw myself living at and enjoying suddenly isn't a reality I can live anymore.

 

senior year angst, everyone.

I'm so sorry! That must be devastating. =(

 

When I was a senior, I wanted nothing more than to go to college in another state. I wanted a fresh start with new people. I wanted out. But my state offered really good in state tuition and scholarships (I am one of the lucky few who left school debt free), so I ended up not even applying out of state.

 

I was really bummed about this. It was nothing that I hoped.

 

And then I went to college. Even going to such a small school, I did not run into people I knew all the time - in fact, hardly ever unless I set a meet up with them did I see them. I met plenty of new people. There was plenty of space and freedom to try new things and create something new for myself.

 

So I know you're bummed that you didn't get into your dream school and you don't really want to go anywhere else. But going to college? It's such a huge, new experience, that I bet you will find yourself enjoying whatever school you choose more than you thought you could.

 

Every school has its pros and cons. Make it work for you. If you wanted to go to your dream school for the classes it offers in what you want to major in, then choose the next closest program from the schools you got into. If you wanted to go for what the campus looked like - well, a lot of campuses are really pretty in order to draw in students. If you wanted to go for its size, again, choose the next closest for those you get into. Etc.

 

There will be natural ups and downs to any school you choose and its classes and its professors. But overall, the experience will be what you make it. Not making it into your dream school isn't the end of things. You still have a future in front of you. Just because it's not what you imagined doesn't mean it won't be great. <3

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(Do you have AVPD? Anxiety/depression? These kinds of thoughts are incredibly common with avoidants and others. You do NOT have to answer this, although I feel as though you might have talked about this before? I'm really just asking to give you something to think about.)

 

In any case, these are not fun thoughts to deal with them, and if you have somebody you can talk to about them (a school counselor, therapist, etc.), I think you definitely should. They can help you deal with these types of thoughts and deal with them in a more healthy manner.

 

One way to deal with thoughts such as these are to recognize them, address them, and then try to let them go/move past them.

 

Ex. "They must have stopped playing because I like the game too much and talk about it constantly!"

Pause, take a moment to breathe. Now address the thought. "People fall out of hobbies all the time. I am sad that I can't talk with them about this game as much now because they won't understand the references, but it's not my fault. I am allowed to like the game, and they are allowed to grow bored with the game. It is naturally to move post hobbies as time goes forward. It is not my fault."

 

Honestly, if people are making time to be around you, they don't find you annoying.

I have BPD. I think I might have AVPD too, yet I have reasons to think I don't at the same time. I'll try to take your advice and think about that when I feel like everything is my fault. Also, maybe I can try to talk to them about it if it really bothers me? If that's a good idea?

 

And thank you for taking the time to respond to my vents and everyone elses vents.

You are a very kind and considerate person. ^^

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I have BPD. I think I might have AVPD too, yet I have reasons to think I don't at the same time. I'll try to take your advice and think about that when I feel like everything is my fault. Also, maybe I can try to talk to them about it if it really bothers me? If that's a good idea?

 

And thank you for taking the time to respond to my vents and everyone elses vents.

You are a very kind and considerate person. ^^

Ah, yes - right! That could probably also add to those types of thoughts.

 

Yes, you should definitely be open with your friends if that would help. Unfortunately, we don't do a real good job of telling people how to help and talk with people who have such persuasive negative thoughts, so when you talk to them, I suggest mentioning why you're talking about it and how they can have these conversations with you in a helpful manner. Good luck! <3

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