Emotional Support

[Tomato_Juice]

Today my mother went for genetic counselling to find out if she needs to take a genetic test. She had breast cancer in her thirties, which is rather young. People who have had cancer at that age run a higher risk of carrying a breast cancer gene.

 

So it turns out that she needs to take the genetic test. She has a 15% chance of having the gene. Having the gene means you have a really high chance of getting ovarian or breast cancer again, and you may need to remove them to avoid getting cancer.

 

I'm really concerned and scared. For my mother, and for myself. If a parent has the cancer gene the child has a 50% chance of having it. I'm worried and I just need some support.

[Shienvien]

So it turns out that she needs to take the genetic test. She has a 15% chance of having the gene. Having the gene means you have a really high chance of getting ovarian or breast cancer again, and you may need to remove them to avoid getting cancer.

 

I'm really concerned and scared. For my mother, and for myself. If a parent has the cancer gene the child has a 50% chance of having it. I'm worried and I just need some support.

Giving any estimates before the test is a very fidgety thing at best. It's just an "educated guess" - in the matter of fact, it's still just as probable it was sheer bad luck. In any case it's better to know and prepare, than to forever wonder and live in the fear of "I might" (there is, after all, a much greater chance that you can breathe a sigh of relief and forever stop worrying over that particular gene after the test, as you'd know for certain that you don't have it). Stay strong!

[NoraNora]

Oh hoo-frickin-ray.

 

My parents have been late the past few days, so it was pretty nice just relaxing..

My brother comes home this Friday, so that's also a plus!

And it'll snow this weekend!

 

The other night my dad comes home, says hi, blahblah, then does whatever he does on his laptop.

I'm playing a game when he randomly walks in and says "Oh by the way I signed you up for driving school" Gee thanks, didn't ask me, didn't make sure I was ready for it, didn't reassure me. He literally did it because "The prices would go up if I didn't" (they start kinda cheap at first, but go up throughout the year. It's weird.)

 

So...now I get to drag myself to that. Then last night, there are dishes in the sink. I haven't washed them yet since he takes so dang long eating. He puts his dish in, and I wait until I finish my homework, which is around 9-10pm(I had to get it done so I could study for something I needed it for) He stomps in, points to the dishes, and then like, calmly warns me for leaving dishes, like that creepy unusual calm attitude. "Yeah, hi. Remember those dishes? Yeah, I'd love when dishes are done before midnight, okay? Thanks." Then he walks away in a huff. Note, he said that with the worlds calmest, yet sassiest tone I have ever heard, and let me tell you, that infuriated me. I hate getting sassed at, especially when the sass comes from him.

 

Oh I'm sorry your highness, but if you can't let me finish my work, DO IT YOURRSEELLLFFFF. It isn't that hard. I actually had WORK to do, unlike him. He comes home energized and ready for whatever, only to do nothing but sit on the couch, boss me around, watch tv, and do whatever on his stupid laptop.

[Obscure_Trash]

Today my mother went for genetic counselling to find out if she needs to take a genetic test. She had breast cancer in her thirties, which is rather young. People who have had cancer at that age run a higher risk of carrying a breast cancer gene.

 

So it turns out that she needs to take the genetic test. She has a 15% chance of having the gene. Having the gene means you have a really high chance of getting ovarian or breast cancer again, and you may need to remove them to avoid getting cancer.

 

I'm really concerned and scared. For my mother, and for myself. If a parent has the cancer gene the child has a 50% chance of having it. I'm worried and I just need some support.

Cancer is always scary to have to deal with. *hugs you and your mom* I hope that you get good news, but I know you guys will pull through this even if the news isn't good. <3

 

 

@NoraNora - you're welcome to keep posting here, but may I suggest the rant thread: https://forums.dragcave.net/index.php?showtopic=135863 As well, I really, really think you should talk to your guidance counselor. Just to talk to someone. Talking to somebody can help, particularly talking to them in meatspace where you can really see them listening. The end goal doesn't have to be to report your dad or anything you're uncomfortable with. It can just be to have a 3rd party ear to listen to what you have to say. You post here an awful lot. I think it's time to take steps to make sure you're in a healthy place mentally, and that means talking to someone in meatspace.

[andromedae]

I wish I could love myself with less difficulty. I've been doing better, I do not hate who I am anymore, but sometimes it's just too easy to remember all the hate that had been harbored within myself for so long. I just want to give more love.

Edited March 18, 2016 by andromedae

[Obscure_Trash]

I wish I could love myself with less difficulty. I've been doing better, I do not hate who I am anymore, but sometimes it's just too easy to remember all the hate that had been harbored within myself for so long. I just want to give more love.

It's a struggle sometimes, but it sounds like you're doing so great! I'm so proud of you for the effort you've made and how far you've come. I'm sure it will continue to get better. You've already come so far. <3

[TehUltimateMage]

This isn't really for emotional support, but I have no idea where else to put it.

 

I hate how I instantly assume that when someone is stating a fact after a small accident, my knee-jerk reaction is to feel that I'm being blamed. I lash out (yelling something along the lines of "Stop blaming me!") and it takes me a full minute to stop and tell myself that it's a small thing that's not worth getting upset over.

 

And these are really tiny things too, like having an email attachment that didn't work, or breaking a glass on the floor, or spilling water on a book. "X wouldn't have happened if you did Y" is usually what I'm told in the aftermath, by different people. Why am I so defensive and why do I get pissy so easily?

 

I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate my emotions and how they're so uncontrollable. I hate how I get mad so easily and hurt the people close to me!

[Obscure_Trash]

This isn't really for emotional support, but I have no idea where else to put it.

 

I hate how I instantly assume that when someone is stating a fact after a small accident, my knee-jerk reaction is to feel that I'm being blamed. I lash out (yelling something along the lines of "Stop blaming me!") and it takes me a full minute to stop and tell myself that it's a small thing that's not worth getting upset over.

 

And these are really tiny things too, like having an email attachment that didn't work, or breaking a glass on the floor, or spilling water on a book. "X wouldn't have happened if you did Y" is usually what I'm told in the aftermath, by different people. Why am I so defensive and why do I get pissy so easily?

 

I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate my emotions and how they're so uncontrollable. I hate how I get mad so easily and hurt the people close to me!

I'm definitely not saying it is, but this sounds kinda like borderline pd behavior.

 

In any case, do you talk to anyone about this? Lashing out like that certainly can't be fun for others and it certainly can't be fun for you. It's worth talking it over with a removed third party, such as a therapist or guidance counselor. As well, they should be able to give you ways to help you cope so that you can hopefully better control this. Nobody should have to live feeling so defensive so often. I'm so sorry you struggle with this. I know it must be tough. :<

[andromedae]

It's a struggle sometimes, but it sounds like you're doing so great! I'm so proud of you for the effort you've made and how far you've come. I'm sure it will continue to get better. You've already come so far. <3

Thank you for your support <3

[TehUltimateMage]

Thank you Sock. I really appreciate you taking the time to answer everyone in this thread, and I'm sure everyone else appreciates it, too. Sometimes I want to provide emotional support here, but never get around to it or don't know how to express it.

 

On to an update: I think (or at least hope) that my temper is due to stress since this only started in the last month or so; if it persists, I'll be sure to look into it! Thanks again.

[HeatherMarie]

I had a doctor appt yesterday about my worsening depression and anxiety. She added Wellbutrin to my medicine list, but also basically told me I have to completely change my diet and exercise every single day. She was giving me lists of all these different foods that contribute to depression, and every single one was something I eat regularly. Also, the whole thing about needing to eat more vegetables and fruit ('cause seriously, I'm picky and don't like anything).

 

This would be frustrating to hear in the first place, but I used to be severely anorexic and still struggle with the mentality every single day. It's extremely difficult for me to change *one* little thing about my diet without freaking out and going into Ana-mode. I can't eat salads because it's all I used to eat and the taste makes me want to puke now. Restricting junk food and changing the way I eat, every single time I try I end up relapsing. Every single time. This has been a struggle for over half my life.

 

I'm obese and I'm honestly okay with that because I'd rather be obese then fall back into Ana, which is what happens when I try to diet or change my eating habits. Now knowing that what I'm eating could be affecting my depression... I don't know what to do. According to my doctor almost everything I eat is wrong. I don't know how to change any of that without falling back into Ana.

[Obscure_Trash]

I had a doctor appt yesterday about my worsening depression and anxiety. She added Wellbutrin to my medicine list, but also basically told me I have to completely change my diet and exercise every single day. She was giving me lists of all these different foods that contribute to depression, and every single one was something I eat regularly. Also, the whole thing about needing to eat more vegetables and fruit ('cause seriously, I'm picky and don't like anything).

 

This would be frustrating to hear in the first place, but I used to be severely anorexic and still struggle with the mentality every single day. It's extremely difficult for me to change *one* little thing about my diet without freaking out and going into Ana-mode. I can't eat salads because it's all I used to eat and the taste makes me want to puke now. Restricting junk food and changing the way I eat, every single time I try I end up relapsing. Every single time. This has been a struggle for over half my life.

 

I'm obese and I'm honestly okay with that because I'd rather be obese then fall back into Ana, which is what happens when I try to diet or change my eating habits. Now knowing that what I'm eating could be affecting my depression... I don't know what to do. According to my doctor almost everything I eat is wrong. I don't know how to change any of that without falling back into Ana.

D:

 

Is this a doctor you normally like/who normally listens to you? If so, I think you should bring up to them what you brought up here because that is all very valid. If not, are there other doctors you could talk to and feel out how responsive they'll be to you? You need to do what is best for you, and it certainly doesn't sound like completely changing your diet is what is best for you.

 

It must be so hard to be in recovery and have to recognize what is best for you, even if the struggle conflicts with what your doctor seems to want. It sounds like you're dealing with it all very well. You know you best. <3

[georgexu94]

It's okay to be envious of people, particularly when they are succeeding where you are trying and not reaching the goals you want!

 

It's not like you're treating these people worse because they have talents that you don't, right? You're just having a normal human reaction. It's okay. You are not a bad person for having this reaction.

 

Yeah, it's really frustrating when you try so hard and can't get the same results. I've been there.

 

Perhaps you should try some different studying methods? Could you talk to a few different tutors or even just google some different study methods? Perhaps you just haven't found one that works for you yet. We are individuals with different learning styles. We're not all going to learn the same way or even be good at the same things.

 

Maybe those subjects just aren't your thing. It's unfortunate that there's very few school systems that understand and teach to kids of different abilities. School systems tend to be very stifling and unfortunately depressing.

 

I'm sorry that you're not feeling happy with yourself and that studying and working hard isn't helping. It does suck. Try to make a list of things you are good at. Whenever you're feeling down, think of that list and read it to yourself. This will remind you of things you enjoy and put your attention back on yourself, rather than those others who you are envious of.

 

You have worth. Just because school may not be your thing doesn't mean you can't do or experience good things. It's a struggle now, but you won't always be in school. You will be able to move on to things that you enjoy more and feel more successful at. =)

Actually, I already discovered my own study methods that are very efficient. It's just that I'm envious of people who need less time and effort to achieve the same results and maybe even better results.

 

Some thought popped out (inspired in philosophy class) that it's better to learn from mistakes and be motivated to study better than be good without exerting effort. This gave some comfort for a while, and I think that's enough for me to keep going.

 

Edit to add: Also, I believe in the "easy come, easy go" principle. So for example, a person got good grades but doesn't seem interested in it but is naturally good with it, whereas I like the subject despite havig great difficulty but then strived hard to study it, I believe in the long run, I will retain that knowledge more than the other person. (So true with my sister. I remember more of business law, chemistry, and history than her.) I think the same is true with a person gambling and earning lots of money compared with another who saves wisely. In the long run, the person who earns a lot would have less than the person who saves.

 

@SockPuppet Strangler: Thank you still for your advice, Sock! I really appreciate your help and kindness. You will prosper in life.

 

 

And in other news... A favourite teacher from high school passed away. :'( Just feel bad. They were supportive for our batch. Just found out through facebook group for our batch who studied in my uni.

Also, I don't know why the only way I can help is through monetary means (for support for their family). It just means I can't help, being financially unable myself. I don't know. It always seems to be monetary. Something I do not have the luxury of. Of course, there's prayer but then despite being Christian, I think welfare in the physical world is more important the the spiritual welfare.

Edited March 19, 2016 by georgexu94

[SkinDrake]

So, this is, i think, quite pathetic to say, but being on this forum is helping me a lot.

 

Since my son was born, and even during my pregnancy a lot of friends of mine, as i said in post before, kind of disappeared: i don't if it was my fault (too busy to be actually there for them), or just because a changing so big in my life was "too much" for them.

 

but i'm a social person. I like to chat, virtually or face to face, and i was starting to feel isolated, not able anymore to have a social life.

 

Honestly, i've started to think that maybe i'm the cause for people disappearing. I still have this though.

 

So, yes, i think it is pathetic to affirm that, but being here, having.. some kind of hobby, let's put it this way is helping me a lot.

 

Now i've started to think that new friends will come, that after my son will grow a little more everything will be easier, and i'm not afraid of depression like i was one month again.

 

It's not exactly the right place to say this maybe, but i found a lot of nice people here, and even if it sounds stupid, i kinda feel really grateful for this.

 

Ps: It's completely off topic, so i apologize with MODS, but in one of previous posts you were talking of debt for university and letters of rejection/acceptance, and i've always wanted to ask how those things works in U.S.

 

I know this is not the place, but if someone of you could explain to me, via PM also, that would be nice.

[Omega Entity]

Honestly, it's not at all uncommon for friends to fall to the wayside after someone has a baby. People's schedules change, especially with the parents and the new kid. With some of my friends who now have kids, it's simply that I don't want to impose - I'm the interloper in that situation.

 

So I'd say it's less to do with you, and more to do with the situation as a whole.

[Tomato_Juice]

Thanks for the kind words.

[Laryal]

It is a very sad time for my whole family really.See my aunt died last month and Saint Patrick's day was her birthday.So on the 20th everyone who wanted went to the grave yard to set off ballons.We then went to my cousin's house just to be together at this very sad time. Things are so upsetting me like i missed this month's release and other things as well is all. I wish she was still here becouse my mom and her was so close closer then the others three brothers and now six sisters my mom has now. Yea my grandma had ten kids and this is the first of the ten who died. We are all so close that it is tearing our hearts to peaces really.

Edited March 22, 2016 by Laryal

[CatCreature]

So, this is, i think, quite pathetic to say, but being on this forum is helping me a lot.

 

Since my son was born, and even during my pregnancy a lot of friends of mine, as i said in post before, kind of disappeared: i don't if it was my fault (too busy to be actually there for them), or just because a changing so big in my life was "too much" for them.

 

but i'm a social person. I like to chat, virtually or face to face, and i was starting to feel isolated, not able anymore to have a social life.

 

Honestly, i've started to think that maybe i'm the cause for people disappearing. I still have this though.

 

So, yes, i think it is pathetic to affirm that, but being here, having.. some kind of hobby, let's put it this way is helping me a lot.

 

Now i've started to think that new friends will come, that after my son will grow a little more everything will be easier, and i'm not afraid of depression like i was one month again.

 

It's not exactly the right place to say this maybe, but i found a lot of nice people here, and even if it sounds stupid, i kinda feel really grateful for this.

If your friends don't have babies of their own they might not have anything to talk about anymore. But I bet you will meet other parents soon, when your child gets older. You have something in common with them and can start talk about babies and continue with hobbies, work, and so on.

 

And I agree on this forum being a really nice place during a rough time. I had some years when I really struggled due to my grandma's death + my workplace going from bad to worse + a stalker with learning difficulties + dental issues with connected bad memories + more. I found my refuge here on this forum and I love this place to bits. <3 <3 <3

[SkinDrake]

Oh yes. On internet it's quite easy to find forums full of angry/nasty/rude people, but i have to say, and maybe it's also due to some age diversification, that this is like a breath of fresh air, not mentioning how everyone i "met" is soo kind.

 

But sorry Sock, i'm going off topic!

 

Yes Cat, they don't have babies, but the worse thing is that they're accusing me with something i've never done, and i REALLY can't understand why. By the way, as soon as i can, i've decided to go to a therapist, because i REALLY need to find out if there's something wrong with me that makes people go away, sooner or later. Thanks for your support!

[Obscure_Trash]

And in other news... A favourite teacher from high school passed away. :'( Just feel bad. They were supportive for our batch. Just found out through facebook group for our batch who studied in my uni.

Also, I don't know why the only way I can help is through monetary means (for support for their family). It just means I can't help, being financially unable myself. I don't know. It always seems to be monetary. Something I do not have the luxury of. Of course, there's prayer but then despite being Christian, I think welfare in the physical world is more important the the spiritual welfare.

Oh no! I'm sorry for your loss.

 

A card (homemade even if you want) expressing your condolences, I'm sure, would be much appreciated. Just knowing people are thinking of them means a lot. I'm sure they don't expect everyone they know to be able to give them money.

 

So, this is, i think, quite pathetic to say, but being on this forum is helping me a lot.

 

Since my son was born, and even during my pregnancy a lot of friends of mine, as i said in post before, kind of disappeared: i don't if it was my fault (too busy to be actually there for them), or just because a changing so big in my life was "too much" for them.

 

but i'm a social person. I like to chat, virtually or face to face, and i was starting to feel isolated, not able anymore to have a social life.

 

Honestly, i've started to think that maybe i'm the cause for people disappearing. I still have this though.

 

So, yes, i think it is pathetic to affirm that, but being here, having.. some kind of hobby, let's put it this way is helping me a lot.

 

Now i've started to think that new friends will come, that after my son will grow a little more everything will be easier, and i'm not afraid of depression like i was one month again.

 

It's not exactly the right place to say this maybe, but i found a lot of nice people here, and even if it sounds stupid, i kinda feel really grateful for this.

 

Are you a part of any Mommy&Me groups or anything similar? If not, you should search out groups like this. It'll give you new people to meet and talk with - and people who understand the busyness of having a child. As well, could come in useful if you need a babysitter for a date night or something. =p

 

<3

 

It is a very sad time for my whole family really.See my aunt died last month and Saint Patrick's day was her birthday.So on the 20th everyone who wanted went to the grave yard to set off ballons.We then went to my cousin's house just to be together at this very sad time. Things are so upsetting me like i missed this month's release and other things as well is all. I wish she was still here becouse my mom and her was so close closer then the others three brothers and now six sisters my mom has now. Yea my grandma had ten kids and this is the first of the ten who died. We are all so close that it is tearing our hearts to peaces really.

 

Aw, I am so sorry for your loss. That must be very hard on you. Give it some time, and you will make room in your heart to be able to move forward. For now, just let yourself continue to grieve. *hugs*

[Fuzzbucket]

And in other news... sad.gif A favourite teacher from high school passed away. :'( Just feel bad. They were supportive for our batch. Just found out through facebook group for our batch who studied in my uni.

Also, I don't know why the only way I can help is through monetary means (for support for their family). It just means I can't help, being financially unable myself. I don't know. It always seems to be monetary. Something I do not have the luxury of. Of course, there's prayer but then despite being Christian, I think welfare in the physical world is more important the the spiritual welfare. sleep.gif

Oh no! I'm sorry for your loss.

 

A card (homemade even if you want) expressing your condolences, I'm sure, would be much appreciated. Just knowing people are thinking of them means a lot. I'm sure they don't expect everyone they know to be able to give them money.

Absolutely. It really IS the thought that counts.

 

@ NoraNora - I know a man like your dad. I think it is no coincidence that he too did military service. He has FINALLY accepted that he has PTSD. He still cannot really accept that life cannot all be under his control, but the anger is getting better.

 

It's the ghastly things they have seen that means they HAVE to be able to FIX things, and the way officers controlled them that makes them feel they have the right to control others. And they HAVE to be able to order people around and expect them to offer respect and do as they are told. Unfortunately life isn't like that outside the army - but they still "know" it ought to be. And they also (see under driving lessons) HAVE to do everything they can to make sure everyone they care about has every possible skill they will need in life.

 

As to the guys on TV - he is probably terrified you are gay. Rigid army types often find that desperately threatening. You don't have to discuss your sexuality or your religion with him - and since he clearly couldn't cope with hearing about it - just don't. It could be worse. I know things about my parents' sex life NO daughter should ever be told. TMI is a real THING

 

It's hell for you - but I also feel sorry for him.

 

Hugs and stuff.

Edited March 22, 2016 by fuzzbucket

[Laryal]

Thank you SockPuppet Strangler i know and i just hope my mom and her brothers and sisters as well as their mom can do the same.

Edited March 24, 2016 by Laryal

[RWyvern]

So today I learned that I pretty much have Major Depressive Disorder along with traces of PTSD.

 

Well great

 

And there I was a few months back thinking I was perfectly alright from day one.

 

Oh yeah, and the neighbours made me feel insecure in my own home after yesterday so I can't wait to see the electric fences installed in our property.

[Syiren]

Has anyone here ever gone to a funeral? I have to go to one on Friday and I have no idea how to handle it. Do I be strong for my friend (the mother) like I have been trying to do, or can I let my tears fall?

 

I feel awful that I've only cried once about it. The funeral is for my best friend's 1-month old baby and the only time I cried was by hearing the song Everglow by Coldplay. The lyrics matched up so perfectly and before I realized it, I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

 

I don't know if I'm just confused because of what's happened or if I'm trying to be strong for my friend or what, but I'm partially worried that I'm going numb to the whole thing. My mother's already cried countless times as have the little guy's parents.

 

I don't want to be a cold person, or be numb. I want to shed tears, but they won't come. Even if I manage to cry at the funeral, should I? Or should I fight them back and be strong again?

Edited March 29, 2016 by Syiren

[Aqub]

@ Syiren

 

Funerals are supposed to be a step at helping give us closure and move past the deaths of loved ones. I believe it is a time where you should express your feelings. You can't stay strong all the time, after all.

It's perfectly normal for you to feel numb. It doesn't make you a cold person, it's just your brain's defense mechanism to protect you from the sad feelings that are brought by situations like this.

I admire the way you're staying strong and supporting your friend. It makes you seem like a really awesome friend! But, you don't have to stay strong all the time. Your friend may even be glad to see you crying, because it shows that you're feeling bad for what's happened. However, feeling numb and not being able to cry is just another way you're feeling bad for what's happened.

I hope this has helped with your doubts a bit. When the funeral comes, I think it comes down to what you're feeling at the time. You're doing a great job supporting your friend so far, so I think you'll be able to know the right way to handle this when the time comes. c:

 

(I've been to funerals, and they're all kind of different. Depending on the feeling of the atmosphere, just act in ways that fit with whatever other people are doing. Some funerals are very sad and serious, while others are more happy and fun. I'm sure this one will be more of the former, so as long as you act seriously it'll be fine. This is in parenthesis because I'm not sure if you even needed this advice. I for one am the kind of person who genuinely doesn't know how to act appropriately in a lot of situations and I'm not sure if you are, too. c: )