Emotional Support

[Moonwick]

6 hours ago, Redquaza said:

Some sad piece of work viewbombed and killed my rare eggs (two caveborn golds) so thanks pal, now I have to hide my entire scroll because you took time out of your day to be a complete and utter waste : ) Imagine being that petty. Imagine ruining someone else's time because you didn't grab a stupid pile of dumb pixels. I was looking forward to those hatchlings, bc yknow I haven't had much luck in caveborns lately, but I guess I'll die. I don't have much going for me IRL bc I don't work, I don't go out, I'm broke and I'm disabled so I take joy in stupid internet games like this but yknow - haha!! It's ok to be a petty garbage pile and ruin someone else's fun!!!!!!

 

God I'm so sorry about your dragons.  I got viewbombed earlier too but caught it in time fortunately. I play this game for similar reasons to you and I understand your frustration with nasty people like that. I wish they'd knock it off. Also, I think that Allure of Neglected Dragons was under attack earlier in general, so they may not have been targeting you in specific, if that helps any. It's still uncool, though.

I sincerely hope that you catch some nice new stuff soon and make up for the loss. 🖤 You definitely didn't deserve to lose them in the first place.

Edited December 3, 2018 by Tesla

[QueenAquariusDragon]

To all of those who are sad and need of someone to talk to, I may not be a counselor and I am quite young, but I'd gladly give someone somebody to talk to!! I wouldn't like anyone to be sad or hurt, I'd love to be a friend and help out!!

 

Also, @Redquaza, I'm very very sorry to hear about your gold dragons!! I don't find Cb golds(a friend gave me the pair I have) that often either, but if you'd like a 3rd gen pb gold, I could try to breed you one when they're off their cooldown!! 😊

Anyways, thank you so much to all and have a great day/night!! 😊☺️

[Zeditha]

So this probably isn't the right place to ask but here goes:

 

My brother recently came out as trans (like, a few months ago to me and our friends, about two weeks ago to our parents). He hasn't asked us to change pronouns yet, or name, he just wears dresses outside of his room now.

 

...I want to support him but I'm too awkward and don't know what to say. Help.

 

(male -> female trans in case it wasn't clear, he doesn't seem bothered that we aren't changing pronouns and he hasn't asked us to, he said it was fine for now when I asked)

[hazeh]

2 hours ago, Zeditha said:

So this probably isn't the right place to ask but here goes:

 

My brother recently came out as trans (like, a few months ago to me and our friends, about two weeks ago to our parents). He hasn't asked us to change pronouns yet, or name, he just wears dresses outside of his room now.

 

...I want to support him but I'm too awkward and don't know what to say. Help.

 

(male -> female trans in case it wasn't clear, he doesn't seem bothered that we aren't changing pronouns and he hasn't asked us to, he said it was fine for now when I asked)

Good for him! Sounds like he is becoming more comfortable with himself. I would just ask how best he'd like to be supported, and let him know you're always there for him however he needs it. I think a big thing for people who are transitioning or becoming open about their identities is making sure they have a stable support group. You don't have to say much, just treat him as you always have-- he's still your family. And if/when he wants to change pronouns or name, make sure you put in the effort to use those and correct other people who get it wrong. Maybe offer to take him shopping sometime or if he wants to get nails done, stuff like that to help reaffirm his identity  

[Zeditha]

Thanks! I'll do that

[Nagapie]

4 hours ago, The Dragoness said:

I just started dating a new guy that I'm not sure how to feel about. There's so much drama surrounding him that I don't know how to interpret, as it's very much his word against someone else's. My friends hate him and that makes him uncomfortable, as we're quite obviously not invited to double dates and parties because of him. Half of our dates have left me wondering why I'm with him and the other make me want to keep coming back. He's immature and irresponsible and nothing like my "perfect" ex that raised my expectations way too high. He also smokes, which makes me uncomfortable but he promised to not do it around me anymore. We're almost complete opposites. But he genuinely cares about me and is so interesting when we just stop and talk. It's nice to be dating someone again, but I'm not sure if it's because I want to date him. It's too early to know if I love him and I feel no sparks. Yet the idea of breaking up makes me sad. Maybe I'm just comparing him to my ex too much without realizing it.

 

I just don't know what to do. On top of my increasing lack of motivation and ability to care, I'm spiraling here.

 

Okay, so here I go again butting into other people's business I suppose. Just to clarify right off the bat, I'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to give my opinion and it comes off as pushy. That was not my intention. I just figured I'd give my own analysis of the situation based on my experiences in case it might be helpful to you in deciding.

 

I think it's good to have high expectations for your significant other. You deserve better than someone you are just ok with. While it may be flattering to spend time with someone who adores you one-sidedly, you need to ask yourself if you'd really be happy with this person in the long-term. That would be the fairest thing to do for the other person too, as no-one wants to be that person who realizes their love interest didn't actually have any feelings for them after the fact. In my experience, it's also a huge warning sign if the people that you usually surround yourself with i. e. your friends or family hate his guts. I myself wasted a lot of time and energy dating someone who became increasingly verbally abusive for a couple of years when I was younger because I completely ignored my parents and friends telling me he was bad news since day 1. As such, the way I'm bound to see the situation when it's described like that is that there is indeed something wrong with this new guy and you're just not seeing it as clearly as everyone else because he fascinates you to at least some degree and you don't want to see it. Not to mention, the beginning of a relationship is usually the time when everything feels the most amazing because neither of the two people have begun to let their guard down yet. If there are no sparks between you now at this stage, will there really be any later on when the initial magic disappears and you both start to reveal your true selves? As harsh as it sounds and as difficult as it is to put in motion, it might be for the best to just rip off that band-aid early on before you become more invested in the whole thing.

 

Well, these are just some of my thoughts on the matter though. I can't really say anything for sure since I am a complete outsider to the situation after all, and in the end you are the only one who can decide which outcome will truly make you happy. I just thought I'd give my two cents based on that description as this whole friends hating him thing sounded pretty alarming to me. Might be for the best not to risk any friendships or potentially your own mental health over a guy you've only just started dating.

Edited December 16, 2018 by Nagapie

[Natayah]

6 hours ago, The Dragoness said:

I just don't know what to do. On top of my increasing lack of motivation and ability to care, I'm spiraling here. 

Then you probably shouldn't be dating. I'm not a great one to give dating advice. Because I went from like never dating to married. I met my husband and after some awkward initial flirting in a period of 8 weeks I was from dating to living together and married in a span of 6-8 weeks. So this advice is going to come partially on his behalf, and partially on basic self care stuff. It sounds more like he's a great friend, you have a semi romantic interest, but nothing serious enough that you would live with this person forever and ever. I mean, you couldn't, he doesn't sound mature enough, much less care for another person and a household. That is OK. If you are "dating", generally you should be dating to have fun. But not everyone you have a romantic interest in is going to be "boyfriend" or "life mate" material. Heck, sometimes you'll have more than one at once. It doesn't really sound like you are really able to go out and have fun with this person other than when you two are alone together. So it sounds like he's a person you are deeply attached to and can have some really great conversations with and other benefits but it sounds more like a casual boyfriend that you keep to yourself, and keep away from your friends because he's more of a rebound that gives you the basics of what you need without being perfect. That is OK. I mean, he seems to sound like he's ok with that arrangement. So I would stop trying to impress your friends. Hang out with him, and hang out with them, and just keep the time separate. Work on you more than anything else. If you are not having enough time to work on you, then some of those things might need less time with them. But I really think you need to spend more time working on your relationship with yourself as an individual and be ok with yourself and solitude and how to just be with yourself and how to take care of yourself and survive on your own. Because for most of us, we are going to have to go at life for parts of it alone. We might have family, we might have roommates, we might have friends, we might have S/O's. But none of that is certain. So do the whole build yourself up and learn to love yourself and be ok with being with yourself, although don't do the whole "I'm going to marry myself" thing literally. That I never got. So that part is for you, the next part is for me to get out somewhere and is not meant to make you feel bad. But I hope by getting that part out, you know that people will always struggle, and you are just not alone. You are going to be ok if you work it. Honestly, what else can any of us really do?

 

Now I mean, that is a lot easier for me to say. Autism and what used to be called Aspergers (ASD now I guess??) is all real, but I guess people overdid it or something, and basically if you cannot get that labeling as a kid, you are screwed as an adult generally speaking and if you are high functioning enough to at least get thru most of life OK then you are just kinda on your own and no one really cares about any thing you might particularly need because if you meet like half the characteristics, but not the other half, so some and not others, which is more and more common, it is totally ok to write you up, say you aren't doing your job, and put you on warnings and firings and you are just stuck because - well you got the IQ and ability to accommodate and hide it, so you are at least one of the lucky ones. Even if I got the diagnosis, I would have no legal protections. I am technically too capable for it to mean anything. That sounds like a horrible thing to complain about. I feel bad about it. I just don't like this merry-go-round that I guess is ultimately my fault because of how I am wired. I can socialize enough, but I will always be a little quirky and will never have the social ability to be a normie drone that gets promoted. I mean if being lucky is that I literally have zero friends by choice besides my S/O because they betray me or just are too much work and I am ok with that for now and I start to realize just how much being exceedingly clumsy, bad spatial orientation hand eye coordination can cause issues (no fine motor skill jobs) , linear time and space literally do not exist for me (that makes time management a little difficult at times, although I just have to work harder at it and spend days off ignoring it), and I break down my world for the parts that I do function with by dividing them into segments and routines because otherwise I cannot get them and just how much my S/O has helped me get thru life and that I am going to have a time when they are not there and WTH am I going to do dear goodness I need to learn to make routines and discipline of everything because while I'm not OCD freak out about everything in life (I have a few areas), I am going to have to make that my life habits forever and force routines and discipline as it is the only way I am going to be able to survive on my own - that was a horrific awakening and that this is just going to be a repeating issue for me. I mean, at times I almost wish I could change my ability to be creative and have language skills (although, obviously verbose, unable to be concise), with a bit more science factual math focus base because at least I could make more money in STEM fields vs what I do now. I cannot monetize my "creative skills." I can brainstorm like a madman. That doesn't make money. I can make connections and see both big and little picture things no one else does - that just annoys people. Especially corporate management. And because I don't have a business professional license, or don't have a degree of some type, I am going to be stuck on a repeating set of jobs that I am really starting to worry about as it is enough to live on, but never going to be enough to give me the life I would like to have. I keep my online life very segmented as well as all aspects of my life. There is DC, there is a few other things I do online, there is my S/O and my work and they are all nice little neat compartments because to have them overflow would not be good for various reasons. I am OK with this. But I want to be honest and real here that whatever you are spiraling thru, other people do spiral thru it in their own ways. Don't be stupid like I have been a few times and not learn to stand on your own and get your stuff in order however you have to do it. And - 20's to 30's can suck for females because we are programmed to want to have kiddos starting WAY earlier than our society wants us, and those hormones just really muck with our minds and emotions and lives sometimes because if we aren't getting pregnant, our brain is going to trick us into wanting to do this or just at least wreck our lives during various hormone fluctuations. Including the need to have a stable partner. I mean, I guess I was lucky enough to have the lack of social skills to not really do the dating thing and make logical choices on my life in the future that would get me the kind of life I wanted and life partner I wanted. Graduate High School, Don't have Kids without Being Married/stable monogamous relationship, Get a Job (the whole not having kids thing was really nice, thank goodness for that choice, I would have regretted it badly, I can't take care of kids, I appreciate all those out there who can). Those are the three keys to being able to not be in poverty for the rest of your life. A lot of people are supposed to be making those choices before they are 12-14. How can someone that young make those choices? I have no idea. But love yourself, and invest in yourself, and know that when you spiral, don't be afraid to look a therapy and medication. Just also research your medication because you don't want to be a walking zombie and have an SSRI storm and go from someone who loves life and would never want to not enjoy life to someone who doesn't. It is a process. Some of it came easy to me. Some of it I am still struggling with. Some of it I only just am dawning on how lucky I have been and need to get fixed ASAP. I would not expect most pretweens, tweens or 20's to 30's to have all of this figured out. It takes a lifetime, and sometimes that isn't even enough time. Just take the time you need, cause in the end, the person you are going to life your entire lifetime with - at least for sure - is going to be yourself. Love your life and yourself enough to put it in the best possible position as much as you can. It is OK to take time. The best thing that came from that awakening of various aspects I'd never really pieced together myself is at least I now understand why I am always anxious all the time, and that it isn't necessarily a psychological thing I need to have diagnosed and treated, it is just my wiring. So I will go learn to meditate better and be less sensitive and less riled up now that I understand it. I hope you give yourself the same time to come to understandings about yourself too. Even if it isn't the answer you want, it will give you a way through and towards progress. Progress is always good. Sometimes a spiral can spiral outwards and upwards. Not all spirals need to be downward and destructive. Spirals are beautiful at times. But again, that is easier said by someone who doesn't really see the world thru order and sees more chaos, and understands what "order" I force upon it is mostly meaningless but is what I need to do since I live in a civilization and would like to continue to eat and stay warm and mostly happy.

[hedy]

I just need to rant for a little bit, this is nothing serious but I just feel like I have to write my feelings down somewhere.

 

I have a lot of stress right now. I've been working on my thesis for the past few months, and on top of that I have another extensive paper to write, an exam (tomorrow, and I just started studying for it today) and one course I haven't even started to work on (but it should be easy and simple). After tomorrow's exam I'm technically on Christmas break, but since I have deadlines for my thesis and the other paper in the middle of January, I know I have to write those during the break. I haven't even touched my thesis for the last two weeks, and I've made little to none progress on the other paper too (why did I choose a topic I care nothing about....). I technically have time to work on both, but I just don't have the energy/motivation to do either. Ugh.

 

Other topics I currently stress about are Christmas presents for my family (I'm running out of time, money and ideas!), my health (I have a lot of medical examinations coming up in January and even though it shouldn't be anything serious, I'm still worried) and my creativity (I WANT to do creative stuff, but I have no energy or motivation to do that either). I constantly feel bad for not working on uni stuff, so I don't really do the things that make me happiest either, I just waste my time doing stuff that passes time but brings me little joy. I know I should just set time aside for uni work, leisure and creative stuff buuuut I just can't get myself to do that either, because I know I won't be sticking to a schedule I made myself. I hope I can get some work done in the next few days before I leave to my parents' place for Christmas so I can just relax when I'm there. It's like I'm trying to bribe, threaten and/or blackmail a child or a teenager (me) to do stuff they don't want to, but I have absolutely no authority over said child or teenager (me). No matter how convincing reasons I have for just doing the stuff that needs to be done, I just won't listen to those. Dammit, me!!

[Nagapie]

36 minutes ago, hedy said:

I just need to rant for a little bit, this is nothing serious but I just feel like I have to write my feelings down somewhere.

 

I have a lot of stress right now. I've been working on my thesis for the past few months, and on top of that I have another extensive paper to write, an exam (tomorrow, and I just started studying for it today) and one course I haven't even started to work on (but it should be easy and simple). After tomorrow's exam I'm technically on Christmas break, but since I have deadlines for my thesis and the other paper in the middle of January, I know I have to write those during the break. I haven't even touched my thesis for the last two weeks, and I've made little to none progress on the other paper too (why did I choose a topic I care nothing about....). I technically have time to work on both, but I just don't have the energy/motivation to do either. Ugh.

 

Other topics I currently stress about are Christmas presents for my family (I'm running out of time, money and ideas!), my health (I have a lot of medical examinations coming up in January and even though it shouldn't be anything serious, I'm still worried) and my creativity (I WANT to do creative stuff, but I have no energy or motivation to do that either). I constantly feel bad for not working on uni stuff, so I don't really do the things that make me happiest either, I just waste my time doing stuff that passes time but brings me little joy. I know I should just set time aside for uni work, leisure and creative stuff buuuut I just can't get myself to do that either, because I know I won't be sticking to a schedule I made myself. I hope I can get some work done in the next few days before I leave to my parents' place for Christmas so I can just relax when I'm there. It's like I'm trying to bribe, threaten and/or blackmail a child or a teenager (me) to do stuff they don't want to, but I have absolutely no authority over said child or teenager (me). No matter how convincing reasons I have for just doing the stuff that needs to be done, I just won't listen to those. Dammit, me!!

 

This sounds so relatable to me right now. I've been procrastinating doing many university related tasks this autumn and should get at least most of them done this week before my boyfriend comes over for the holidays. I haven't started my thesis yet, but I've done some ground work for it in the form of another school task (about 20 page paper + a 20 min presentation). I still haven't written the 20 page paper for that either though and I'm struggling to start despite the fact that I know the subject matter and should not have that hard a time writing about it. Ideally I would start my thesis in the spring and take care of whatever is left of my current tasks while also participating in some other projects to get my course credits high enough for graduating, but yeah ugh. I'm really bad at getting myself to start working on tasks at a reasonable time even if I've tried to schedule specific things for specific weeks etc. I really wish I had more self-discipline and wouldn't just waste my time on pointlessly hanging out or playing endless time sink games like Overwatch. I don't even enjoy doing any of that stuff because I'm stressed out, yet I fall back to it every time just to avoid doing the actually important things. But yeah, long story short, good luck with your schoolwork my fellow procrastinator. I'm sure we'll both get through our struggles somehow.

[HeatherMarie]

I'm really really frustrated right now and I feel rather helpless and I guess the only thing I can actually do at this point is talk about it.

 

My depression is coming back. Like, rather badly. I've been more-or-less stable for over two years now, had ups and downs but nothing major... Now it feels like everything is going to heck in a handbasket. (Where did that saying come from?) I've been steadily working 2 days a week, 4 hours a day, for nearly a year. Today I had to ask my boss about cutting my hours because 4 hours is no longer do-able. Crying attacks, hysterical anxiety, manic symptoms that I haven't had in *years*.... Wanting to harm myself. I haven't harmed myself in over 2 years and there is no way in heck I'm going to break that streak now *stubborn face* but I've had multiple times where I really really felt that urge. Came home from work today after 2 hours. I'm feeling almost.... Almost paranoid, about certain things around the apartments, certain people. I've never really had an issue with paranoia before, but that's certainly what it feels like. I managed to move my psych appt from January 8th to January 2nd, but they can't get me in sooner then that.... I'm attempting to talk to them about possibly stopping my Abilify in the meantime because this all started when the dose was increased.... I'm just at that point where I don't know what to do and it feels like a waiting game. 

[hazeh]

12 hours ago, HeatherMarie said:

I'm really really frustrated right now and I feel rather helpless and I guess the only thing I can actually do at this point is talk about it.

 

My depression is coming back. Like, rather badly. I've been more-or-less stable for over two years now, had ups and downs but nothing major... Now it feels like everything is going to heck in a handbasket. (Where did that saying come from?) I've been steadily working 2 days a week, 4 hours a day, for nearly a year. Today I had to ask my boss about cutting my hours because 4 hours is no longer do-able. Crying attacks, hysterical anxiety, manic symptoms that I haven't had in *years*.... Wanting to harm myself. I haven't harmed myself in over 2 years and there is no way in heck I'm going to break that streak now *stubborn face* but I've had multiple times where I really really felt that urge. Came home from work today after 2 hours. I'm feeling almost.... Almost paranoid, about certain things around the apartments, certain people. I've never really had an issue with paranoia before, but that's certainly what it feels like. I managed to move my psych appt from January 8th to January 2nd, but they can't get me in sooner then that.... I'm attempting to talk to them about possibly stopping my Abilify in the meantime because this all started when the dose was increased.... I'm just at that point where I don't know what to do and it feels like a waiting game. 

 

I'm sorry you have to go through all of that  I wish I had worthwhile advice to give you, but I'm sure you've probably heard it all before. It's good you were able to move up your appointment at least a little bit-- that's 6 less days to wait for!-- but I understand that it feels still really far away. Is there a call-in nurse you can talk to over the phone? I don't know how viable of an option that is for you, I just know sometimes people can call advice nurses if they can't get seen sooner. To me it sounds like it probably is related to your medicine. I hope they can figure out an alternative for you that works better. In the meantime, is there anything you like to do to take your mind of things? Reading books, playing games, watching TV-- anything to help pass the time that can distract you from the paranoia/ depression at least for a while? No matter what, I hope you still have a good holiday (Christmas, New Year's, or whatever you typically celebrate) ♥

[Princess Kiara]

I'm carrying an unwanted pregnancy I can't afford in a country where abortion is illegal. I live with my abusive in-laws, my partner is also depressed and anxious, we're depending on his job because I had to quit mine to keep an eye on my dogs so my BIL wouldn't abuse them. To top things off, my husky attacked my collie and broke her leg, I will have to probably sell my violin to pay for her treatment and he will need to be rehomed. What I make in my online job is not enough and I cannot work outside the home until we move both due to my high risk pregnancy and my BIL's abuse of my dogs when I'm absent. I jist need some hope and a hug.

[HeatherMarie]

Oh goodness @Princess Kiara I'm so sorry. *huuuuuugs!* So much to deal with at once! I really hope things start looking up for you soon. (And I'm super-sorry about the unwanted pregnancy, that's horrible.)

[Moonwick]

I'd sit here and try to explain why I feel horrible but I just can't. I don't think I can keep going anymore, that's about all I can really say.

[Princess Kiara]

@Tesla I feel you completely. Stay strong is all I can say. I feel the same way you do, but I have my pets to keep me going...maybe something like that might help? I think what helps me the most is just a blind hope that maybe things can and do get better in time. It's not much but it works for me...one step at a time.

[Princess Kiara]

I'm fairly shaken up right now. This afternoon, my mother-in-law physically assaulted me, because I corrected my dog by holding her in a down position for trying to attack my other dog. She tried to force the dog away from me telling me to throw her out into the street, then my brother in law came and was going to hit me but chickened out when I confronted him. Then my BF came and defended me and they turned on him too. Finally he made BIL and MIL both leave and MIL threw a pan of dirty dishwater on my head from the window while screaming that she curses the day her son met "that hyena" (me). The whole time she and BIL were flinging a barrage of insults I can't repeat here at both me and my BF. Then they locked us outside in the yard for nearly half an hour. Luckily I got most of it on recording, but nothing I can do with it, because my prize show puppy broke her leg on Christmas Eve and needs surgery and my BF and I are both sick and need a variety of medical tests in addition to my prenatal tests as my pregnancy is high risk. We're broke at least until mid January as well, so we can't move out of her hellhole house.

 

MIL doesn't know of my pregnancy, as she's been very clear she wants me to birth a child to GIVE to her, and been very pushy about it. With how sickly possessive she is of my dogs who she professes to hate and want to kill, how much worse will she be with a kid? And cue the inevitable temper tantrum complete with screaming and crying and accusations of being a childish wh*re when I tell her she will not be allowed anywhere near the baby if/when it is born.

 

I know I should call the police, but I'm in Mexico, there's no shelters or emergency housing available, my mother lives in an affluent neighborhood but refuses to take me in without the dogs, oet friendly rents are through the roof (unless you choose an unsafe area, and in this city alone over 500 people, mostly women around my age, have been murdered this year) and on top of my pregnancy and other health and mental issues I have a bad knee (torn meniscus) that I have been unable to treat for over two years now. Plus my BIL has a law degree and lawyer friends, and the police force is beyond corrupt and unhelpful here unless you can bribe them generously, which I certainly cannot. It seems every time it looks like I'm climbing out of the hole and doing better, something happens and I fall back in deeper than before.

[HeatherMarie]

I am so sorry @Princess Kiara, what a horrible situation!

 

My mom just came home from two doctor appointments, crying. Apparently her knee is a lot worse then she realized ('bone on bone' the doctors both said) and she needs knee replacement surgery 'right away'. We knew her knee was getting worse, and we also knew that a knee replacement was inevitable sooner or later. We just didn't realize it was *that* bad already. Right now she's at that 'all the things I'll miss' stage, where she's not really thinking about the surgery itself just the fact that the recovery time means she'll miss the yearly religious conference in February, and she'll still be recovering when my stepdad visits end of February. She's also in that 'I'm such a burden' mindset, which I never really know how to deal with. She thinks I'm lying if she says I don't mind taking care of her, it's fine, etc (and yeah, it is a big deal to constantly take care of her but of course I want to help any way I can...). (And then there's always the worry in my mind of how will *I* deal with things while taking care of her and she's recovering and miserable and hard to deal with, I have my own issues...) We knew this surgery was going to happen eventually. I guess it's just a shock right now, realizing it'll be so soon, it's suddenly *real*. 

[AngesRadieux]

I've been in a downward spiral for awhile. A few months ago, things at school started to get really bad. Professors on my exams and eventual dissertation committee started talking like they don't want to work with me anymore and suggesting I transfer elsewhere. Except one of the issues they raised was that my research interests are too interdisciplinary and they argue they can't meet my needs. When I was deciding on a program, I asked about interdisciplinary work. My writing sample was interdisciplinary and I made it crystal clear in my personal statement that I planned to work on music history. I said as much when I visited. I specifically asked how they felt about interdisciplinary work. And they all said it would be fine, they'd make it work if I came. If they'd told me I couldn't do the kind of work I wanted to, I would've gone to another school. I had other offers, and they knew I had those offers, and they still gave me their song and dance about why I should attend my current university. But now all of a sudden, they "really want to see me succeed," but thAink it might be in my best interests to transfer because I "just might not really do history the way they do history here?" I feel lied to. I feel like they convinced me to come here under the assumption that they could change my mind about my goals, and now that they realize I haven't changed after a year and a half, they want to get rid of me. Which has dredged up a lot of other issues, because the same thing happened in undergrad. I was accepted to a program, the professor I was supposed to work most closely with claimed she had specifically chosen me and wanted me for the first year and a half. And then at the end of year two, they recommended leaving the program. I did. I changed majors. I took forever to finish undergrad, and now I can't pursue the career I really wanted. Now I see it all happening a second time, and it's taken a huge toll on my mental health.

 

I know I haven't been as proactive helping the situation as I could have been, which is on me. But that's because as soon as they said the word "transfer," I started replaying the scenario in undergrad, where no matter what I did, the writing was on the wall. At this point, I want to pass my exams this year out of sheer spite, just to prove that I can. But I'm also really grappling with myself, because a big part of me just wants to say "**** 'em all." School has me a total wreck, and I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through this upcoming semester without totally losing it.

 

On top of it, I've been home for a couple weeks for the holidays. And family is just making everything worse by stressing me out in a different way.

 

My twin sister and I live almost a thousand miles apart. When we're both home, I desperately want some sister time, because now that we live so far away there's only so many times a year we can see each other. Over the Thanksgiving break, she spent the entire time with her boyfriend and didn't make a single day for the two of us even though I hadn't seen her since August. My parents acted like I was being ridiculous for being hurt. And then for the first half of the winter break, it was the same scenario. She refused to do anything with me and just wanted to be with her boyfriend all the time, and when I was hurt by it, I was the bad guy. I had to beg her to make some sister time on New Year's day, and she finally spent all of an hour with me the day she was leaving. So I feel unwanted and abandoned by my professors at school, and then I come home and feel completely abandoned by my sister.

 

Along the way, my parents make stupid comments, as though I'm just incapable of understanding anything. The anniversary of my grandfather's death is close to Christmas. When my sister couldn't even answer my texts, my mom brought up that it was the anniversary and it was hard on my sister. But he was my grandfather, too. Just because I didn't post about it on Facebook doesn't mean I didn't know what day it was. But somehow, it was perfectly fine for my sister to shut me out, but my mom was talking to me about helping out with things for the holidays, and generally expecting me to be a responsive, functioning person. Most recently, my mom made some comment about how my sister's in school and it's hard, with the implication that I just can't understand. And that was absolutely infuriating, because I'm in school, too. I feel like I'm drowning and there's no lifeline in sight, so I know what it's like to have a really rough semester. But, my sister's in vet school. My parents are both in the sciences. I'm out here doing work in the humanities, so obviously it's just far less rigorous and I can't possibly comprehend what it's like to be a "real" student studying a "real" subject. Whenever I try to talk about it, I kind of get eye rolls, because my parents seem to think that studying history at any level is just learning a set of facts and memorizing timelines.

 

Christmas was also incredibly stressful, in no small part because my sister's boyfriend and his parents were all going to be there. I hate the whole family. And especially when I'm feeling replaced, I have this compulsion to prove I'm worthwhile. So my preparation for the holiday was all about that. My sister constantly talks about my sister's boyfriend's mother's cooking and baking. Several years in a row, at Thanksgiving she made a comment about how my sweet potatoes just aren't the same as her boyfriend's mother's. One of my aunts, on the other hand, has been desperately wanting me to make a cake for her, because she sees pictures of my decorated cakes that I post on Facebook. And I didn't bake her anything for Thanksgiving, so I felt like I had to make a cake for Christmas. So I did, but I was afraid the boyfriend's mother would also bring some kind of baked good, so my own baking wasn't enjoyable. It had to be better than hers and prettier than the things she makes, because otherwise, why would anyone need me? I sculpted a cake topper out of pulled sugar, and I almost started crying over several batches of sugar glass before I was able to buy a new candy thermometer with a more accurate temperature reading. And good thing I bake, because the first thing my aunt asked when she came through the door was "did you make a cake?" I also stressed myself out over picking gifts, because I had to get a gift for the boyfriend and his parents even though I hate them, and my sister and I have always done joint gifts for our family, and she didn't do any shopping, so I had to run out and get everything for everyone. Then I made myself insane picking the perfect wrapping paper and ribbon color schemes, and then went to four different stores to find silk poinsettias, because they're prettier than gift tags, because the gifts and the wrapping all had to be perfect. I also learned Christmas carols on the piano and guitar, because the same aunt who wanted the cake has been asking me about playing Christmas songs so we could carol for years. So I obliged. Except the boyfriend's mother complained that the carols I learned were too hard to sing and wanted me to play in different keys. Which, sure. Let me go ahead and transpose on the spot after I've had several glasses of wine with dinner. Right. There was so much stress to make everything picture perfect to prove I'm a worthwhile human being, and I still got complained at.

 

At this point, I'm probably just rambling and I'm sure it makes no sense. But I just have nonsense coming at me from literally everywhere. From my professors. From my sister who can't be bothered to make time for me. From my parents, who make excuses for her, claim I'm being ridiculous for being hurt, and make it seem like literally anything I'm going through is a thousand times less than whatever my sister's dealing with. And I also got a text message from a friend today, upset that I haven't been communicating more. Which is fair. I acknowledge I haven't been engaging as much lately. But it's not because I don't care. It's because when I'm feeling so unhappy and like there's so much pressure, I just withdraw because I can't handle it. It's not just this friend. I haven't spoken to another friend as much as usual lately. I started to completely withdraw from church. I haven't gone to services in like two months, and I haven't been to any of the bible studies or small group activities at church in around a month and a half. I know it's not health and it's not fair, and I'm really trying to pull myself out of at least that slump. But then I feel like absolute crap over that, too, which exacerbates the problem, and it becomes a cycle of guilt, and then wanting to reach out, but then feeling too overwhelmed to actually do it. I apologized for having hurt her and tried explain that it had nothing to do with her, I never meant to upset her, and I've just been so overwhelmed that I couldn't talk via text, and we planned on a time to have a phone conversation. But now I have anxiety over the phone conversation, because I feel like I'm just going to be yelled at. Which is fair. Again, I realize pulling away the way I do isn't a great thing to do. But I'm doing the best I can.

 

I really feel like I'm depressed. I'm planning to set up therapy when I get back to school and get help to try to curb it. But I don't even know if that will pan out, because I'm on the school's insurance, which isn't great and I'm afraid it'll take forever just to get an appointment. And even then, I'm not sure how much good it will do. I've taken antidepressants before that helped a bit, but that ended in a fight with my mom, because she thought I was just using medication as a crutch when, after trying the minimum dosage for awhile, I wanted to talk to the psychiatrist about possibly increasing it. So I stopped taking them for several years and now I'm a little anxious about the idea of starting again. On the one hand, it did help last time, but on the other, it could open up a whole new set of issues that I just don't have the time or energy to deal with.

 

Basically, I've just been a total wreck over all kinds of different things, and I don't see any of them getting better in the near future, and I'm afraid I won't be able to pull myself out of this tailspin I'm in before I crash and burn.

[HeatherMarie]

My mom is in the hospital. I called an ambulance after she fell in the middle of the night last night and couldn't get up, she was very weak and a little disoriented and she had hit her head when she fell. For now she's okay, apparently her blood sugar was literally off the charts (possibly a combination of medication, not eating enough, and drinking way too many sugary drinks while not eating) and they are slowly bringing it down. I came home to rest around 7am (she went in at 2am), I'm about to go back up there to sit with her for awhile. So far no word on when she can come home, still need to get the blood sugar stable and then I think the doctor wants to do some diabetes test or something. 

 

I'm.... Surprisingly stable for the moment, I've cried multiple times but I haven't totally broken down, which is definitely a surprise in this situation. I'm sort of waiting for it to hit though, maybe I'm just over-tired or still in shock or whatever, because I am *way* too calm right now. And then there is the part of my brain that is in overdrive, remembering the last time mom was in the hospital for serious reasons.... I can't go through that again and I know it. I'm more mentally stable in general then I have been in years, but I know I can't handle that again. So far there has been no indication that it's *that* bad, for her to have to stay at the hospital for weeks and then go to a rehabilitation place for weeks, like last time. Of course last time started out simple too, and then went downhill fast.... These are the things I'm trying really hard to *not* think about.

[Awdz]

@HeatherMarie , it is really good for your mother that you are there for her. I know that dealing with a parent who has medical issues can be very stressful, and that diabetes is a challenging disorder for many people to manage. Hopefully her blood sugar can be normalized quickly so she can be her usual self again. (Curiosity question: Is this going to change the timing of her knee surgery?) I pray for you & your mother to recover fully.

 

@AngesRadieux, it sounds like you have a ton of stressors that you have been dealing with; that is hard for anyone even when their expected support relationships are strong. The whole wrong career thing sounds really scary, and it is even harder when your twin (traditionally a strong bond to rely on) is distant. I hope you are able to get the counseling you seek in time and that everything works out for better. You are perfect enough in the eyes of those who love you. I pray for your school situation to work out and for you to understand the best balance for your life and health.

 

[The Dragoness]

1 hour ago, Predat0rs said:

I know a lot of people dislike me around here for one reason or another, but telling me "go kill yourself" is a bit low, dontchya think? As someone who suffers from severe depression and is an attempt survivor, that's definitely something I don't need to deal with, especially right now. I started crying as soon as I read what they wrote. I also can't even tell who it was, because they left the remark on my raffle form that I left openly in the Departure's Thread. I don't even know what to do now besides let my feelings out, and that's why I'm here. *deeply sighs and sniffles*

*Hugs* I know how that feels. Someone once wrote multiple horrible things in form submissions for one of my raffles. Things like graphic descriptions of how they were going to find me and rape me. It was scary that a stranger could hate me enough to say something like that. I never found out who it was, as they submitted those responses under the usernames of various other people that I know were innocent. I'm sorry that you're dealing with one of these pathetic people right now. For whatever reason, some people seem to think these things are "funny" or a "joke." Playing with a real person's emotions is never either one of those things. 

 

From what I've seen, you seem to be a great person. The spontaneous CB Metal raffles (even though you could be trading those CBs for amazing things! So very generous), your willingness to gift around the holidays, your always friendly attitude. And I admire the strength you have shown in some of your posts, especially the ones here that honestly made me feel like I wasn't the only one experiencing certain things/feelings. So please don't give in and harm yourself. Keep being strong. This person doesn't even deserve the satisfaction of your tears. 

 

If you ever need to vent, my inbox is always available ❤️

 

Edited January 23, 2019 by The Dragoness

[Evangeline]

People attack when they feel lesser than you. You’re doing wonderful things and those things are making them feel inferior. Some feel like they have to lash out to make themselves feel better. Please, ignore them. Their words are without substance. They’re an empty attempt to hurt you. The people who say these things don’t know you, so they don’t know the whole story.

And you’re not required to give your dragons away!! If you work hard and catch amazing things, those things are yours. There are a lot of little ones on here that don’t seem to understand that. I don’t know if that’s something you deal with. If not, don’t mind that. 

 

Feel free to come into my inbox and vent if you need! 

[-FireClaw-]

On 6/28/2014 at 11:34 PM, BlueMint said:

This is a really nice idea 🙂 I guess Ill give it a try.

 

Lately, Ive been feeling out of it all. Which is why I seem to be on Dragon Cave all the time now a days. Im just trying to distract myself.

Im in my late teens. And everyone seems to be rushing me into choosing the career I want to go for. Am I seriously expected to know at the age of **? But the majority of my peers at school seem to know exactly where they are going. And I just don't. I don't have that "goal in life" that I can look forward to and strive to achieve. Im just... Stuck. I don't know if this is just me that feels like this or if there are other young people out there who feel the same way I do. I know its probably not that big of a problem as I make it seem, but it is to me.

Im told everyone has a talent, and to pursue a career that has to do with that talent if one wants. But I just feel like I have no talent. It doesn't help that one of the most important people in my life recently told me I have no special talent or skill. Not too long ago, in one class, I was asked to write down what I am good at. My skills, talents, etc. I stared at my paper for almost 15 minutes. In the end, I made something up.

So I guess Im just feeling kinda sad. And lost. And have been feeling like this for the past 12 months. Im not depressed or anything, haha. But there are days when it just hits me that I have no idea where I am going.

 

I just needed to let that out.

And thanks for the cup of hot chocolate

 

An opposite perspective, for what it's  worth:

 

I am one of those people who always knew exactly what career I wanted, how I was going to get there, and had the skills/smarts/resources/etc to reasonably accomplish this goal. Looking back some 25+ years later, I find myself in a very different, yet comfortable, career - one much different than I had planned for myself. It's not a bad thing.

 

My career isn't related to my hobbies. Someone recognized something I happen to have some skill at and gave me a job. That job paid more reliably than anything related to my hobbies. Ideally, they (everyone/generic) recommend developing a career around doing what you love. I personally feel as that goal, while admirable, is a bit unrealistic. Some people find that sort of passion only after they retire and have a bunch of free time, and have their financials in order. Others find a passion for a while, then get bored of it and decide to do something different. 

 

Life gets in the way. Even if you have it all figured out, you may meet someone, or have an experience that exposes you to something totally new, and your desired destination train goes off the rails. Sometimes that is terrifying, and can be even more so for individuals who are less accostomed to seeing where the road less traveled leads. Your uncertainty may actually be a blessing - it leaves you open minded to experience whatever life throws at you.

 

Eventually, something will stick and feel 'right', even if that something develops into a recognition that flux is comfortable for you. You either just haven't found it yet, or the circumstances of your life aren't aligned in such a way at this time for you to want to pursue a given path. 

 

You certainly do have talents, you just may not be aware of what they are. You don't have to be better than everyone else at something to have a talent in something, but there are certainly things that may come easier to you than other things. Also, think of your hobbies for ideas of what your talents are. Do you doodle on napkins - maybe you have some artistic talent?  Good at trivia - maybe a particular subject interests you more than others? You could start there. Or perhaps you have some abstract talents that are harder to  pinpoint, although no less useful. If you have a knack for figuring out how to fix stuff easily, you could be mechanically inclined or a have logical logical thinking aptitude. Do you relate well to people or understand the perspectives of others -  empathy and compassion may be your talents. Daydream about or develop your own fantasy worlds filled with dragons? Maybe your talents are creativity, and storytelling? 

 

Not sure if this helps? 

[JavaTigress]

On 2/1/2019 at 5:21 AM, -FireClaw- said:

 

An opposite perspective, for what it's  worth:

... ... ...

You don't have to be better than everyone else at something to have a talent in something ....

Clipped for emphasis, but WOW! Your post got me to thinking.

 

I guess I never LOOKED at it that way.

Like... I always figured if I wasn't 'GOOD' at a thing ( here meaning, extremely, INSANELY good at it,) then I wasn't WORTH anything at it. 

A very rigid Black OR White, if Then way of looking at it? No nuance or room for a sliding scale?

 

Take, for example, my routine struggles with feeling 'good enough in chess. Like... if I lose I don't feel I have any talent for the game at all( ALTHOUGH I enjoy it). AND at that point I even wonder if I should continue to BOTHER. This gets tiresome because the even UGLIER side of this IS that now matter how many games I DO win, I always expect more from myself and it is never 'good enough'. I suspect that even IF I were absolutely, undeniably the best , it MIGHT not FEEL good enough, even then. Like, I always seem to take my failures more to heart than my successes. It gets tiring after a while ( AND even worse when I have had a loss and and am trying to compensate)... and there is part of me that wants to just be able to ENJOY the activity FOR ITSELF without making it into 'proving myself to myself'. Perhaps the TRUTH is that I have been looking at it all wrong? MAYBE,in some ways, I have the same problem @BlueMint does? That is... constantly comparing myself to others? AND perhaps worse even,not JUST comparing myself to others but using an an absolutely unrealistic sampling to do it. ( IE...looking at grand masters and saying " I am not as good as that, therefor, I have no talent at chess?") Food for thought, anyway.

Edited February 8, 2019 by JavaTigress

[-FireClaw-]

I have had similar feelings as those expressed by @BlueMint and @JavaTigress so that's (the perspective) where I've been writing from. Sometimes it helps just to know you aren't alone.

 

Cheers