Jump to content
Obscure_Trash

Emotional Support

Recommended Posts

I have had similar feelings as those expressed by @BlueMint and @JavaTigress so that's (the perspective) where I've been writing from. Sometimes it helps just to know you aren't alone.

 

Cheers :)

Share this post


Link to post

I just had to let go of my 15 year old dog this morning. It feels surreal. I keep expecting to see her lying in the living room. It had to be done, though, as much as I wish it didn't have to happen this way. She had pretty bad arthritis and bone spurs in her hip, so she could only walk on 3 legs. Mobility was very limited. Every time she tried to sit down, she would whine in pain. On top of that, she recently developed some kind of skin problem that caused her to start losing a lot of hair. Then she got a bladder infection, or at least I think that's what it was. There was blood in it, as well as in her...other business. That, I don't know what was causing that.This is the second time I had to go through this, but the first was her sister and it was due to cancer. I keep telling myself it was the right thing to do, she's no longer in pain, she's with her sister again, and so on. But god(s)damn, it still sucks. I don't think it ever will be easy. It's hitting me in waves as it has been for the past 1.5-2 weeks. I'll be fine, then start crying like a child. I haven't been able to focus on anything, either. I haven't touched Photoshop in maybe a month. Even video games have been struggling to hold my attention. I've been flip-flopping between binge eating and not eating at all due to my stomach feeling upset out of anxiety/stress. I haven't been this depressed in a long time. It's sort of like an old, familiar friend. Not saying I like it, just saying it's a "nice" familiarity....is that weird?  >.>

Anyway, I could ramble on for hours, but I won't. I just miss my old girl already. My brain thinks it's a good idea to keep telling me I'll never be able to pet her again, or see the way she looks up at me with the big puppy eyes. ffs

Share this post


Link to post

@Jet Raptor  - So sorry for your loss! I know it really hurts to lose a cherished pet, no matter the circumstances. Losing them sucks! My heart goes out to you.

Share this post


Link to post

@Jet Raptor That is quite awful. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug, or send my snuggle pup to give you comfort the way only a doggie can.

 

I lost my 1st pup a couple years back due to a brain tumor (she was pretty old for her breed and had had a good decade+ with me), but I still cry when a Facebook memory pops up.

 

There is a free online pet virtual memorial service every Monday night at the Rainbows Bridge website (you can search it or message me for the website if anyone needs it). It's pretty much an open chat room for pet grieving/support. I found it pretty helpful. I felt a lot of guilt when I agreed with the vet that she was suffering and decided that it was time. Talking with other grievers helped and so I am sharing this because you or others may find it helpful. (Mods please remove this if reference sites are not permitted.)

 

It doesn't really get easier, but it may be helpful to know that the amount of grief you feel just reflects the amount of love you felt for your dog.  ❤️

Share this post


Link to post

TLDR; Got a wedding dress and my fiance and I are picking our flowers and cake so my mom disowned me

 

Some backstory. For 3 years now my fiance and I have lived together 4 hours away from my home town. Despite multiple invites and me having consistent days off my family hasn't visited once even when the two of us got our own apartment and left the roommates behind. We've been together 5 years and he proposed Christmas night at the place we first met December of 17 so it's finally time to actually do the wedding stuff. I went to look at dresses at this resell dress shop just to figure out my size and what type of dress I want. I haven't worn a dress since high school prom and know noting about dresses so I went in just to try on stuff I like. The ladies there were so helpful and supportive and I found one that fit in the places it needed to with some need for alterations here and there. This dress was only $200 and despite knowing nothing about dresses I knew this one was cheep. It would take my family at least a week to be able to get a day off and come down maybe even longer if they wanted to make a big deal and get the grandparents involved. I wasn't letting the perfect dress at the perfect price pass me by so I bout it. 

 

After letting my mom know she goes on this rant about how she should have been there, and would have been in town for that despite not coming here yet. She also went on about how she was mad we are now having it in this town and not my home town, after her already not liking the location we chose at my home town and repeatedly getting me to try and change it to where my cousins got married, a place that held no value to either of us. Anyway, she started to go on about how she picked out a cake and flowers for us and got mad at us for wanting to pick out our own stuff and not making it her wedding. I told her she knows noting about his favorite color and was so offended that we wanted to plan our own wedding and told me to have a nice life and goodbye. That's been a few week ago and she hasn't contacted me since. She's always been someone who tries to make everything about herself so this isn't that surprising. I feel like I should be more sad about this but I'm not, I feel more ok with it than anything and I think that bothers me the most. I decided that unless he apologizes than I don't want to deal with her she's just been so toxic about everything. So I haven't contacted her since and she only reached out to me to tell me my wedding present would be her cutting me off of her phone plan. I've let her cut herself out of my life. I don't know if it's normal to feel ok bout these things but I do and I guess that's ok but the whole thing feels like a mess. All I know is I'm not going to let her ruin my wedding. I hope not at least. 

Share this post


Link to post
12 minutes ago, LazuliOrchid said:

TLDR; Got a wedding dress and my fiance and I are picking our flowers and cake so my mom disowned me

 

Some backstory. For 3 years now my fiance and I have lived together 4 hours away from my home town. Despite multiple invites and me having consistent days off my family hasn't visited once even when the two of us got our own apartment and left the roommates behind. We've been together 5 years and he proposed Christmas night at the place we first met December of 17 so it's finally time to actually do the wedding stuff. I went to look at dresses at this resell dress shop just to figure out my size and what type of dress I want. I haven't worn a dress since high school prom and know noting about dresses so I went in just to try on stuff I like. The ladies there were so helpful and supportive and I found one that fit in the places it needed to with some need for alterations here and there. This dress was only $200 and despite knowing nothing about dresses I knew this one was cheep. It would take my family at least a week to be able to get a day off and come down maybe even longer if they wanted to make a big deal and get the grandparents involved. I wasn't letting the perfect dress at the perfect price pass me by so I bout it. 

 

After letting my mom know she goes on this rant about how she should have been there, and would have been in town for that despite not coming here yet. She also went on about how she was mad we are now having it in this town and not my home town, after her already not liking the location we chose at my home town and repeatedly getting me to try and change it to where my cousins got married, a place that held no value to either of us. Anyway, she started to go on about how she picked out a cake and flowers for us and got mad at us for wanting to pick out our own stuff and not making it her wedding. I told her she knows noting about his favorite color and was so offended that we wanted to plan our own wedding and told me to have a nice life and goodbye. That's been a few week ago and she hasn't contacted me since. She's always been someone who tries to make everything about herself so this isn't that surprising. I feel like I should be more sad about this but I'm not, I feel more ok with it than anything and I think that bothers me the most. I decided that unless he apologizes than I don't want to deal with her she's just been so toxic about everything. So I haven't contacted her since and she only reached out to me to tell me my wedding present would be her cutting me off of her phone plan. I've let her cut herself out of my life. I don't know if it's normal to feel ok bout these things but I do and I guess that's ok but the whole thing feels like a mess. All I know is I'm not going to let her ruin my wedding. I hope not at least. 

I'm so sorry that she's acting like this. I don't have any personal experience with this, but my mother does. Her mother pulled the same behavior (wanting to pick the dress--she won, picking the flowers--she won again, picking the location--yep, of course grandma won) and my mom just accepted it. My mom has regretted almost 100% of her wedding day ever since. Nothing about it made it *her* wedding. Her mother never did change, and as a result it is impossible to tell her no about anything. Their relationship is unfortunately very strained these days due to that.

 

So I think you really dodged a bullet. Family or not, your mom made it very clear that she doesn't deserve to be at your wedding. Your wedding is about you and your husband. Not her. If she can't accept that, well...she'll figure out what's she giving up soon enough. You, on the other hand, have a lovely new life to look forward to with your husband. I hope your ceremony is everything you want it to be and more :)

Share this post


Link to post

My sister in law had a very similar experience to you. In the end, they did their own thing, her mom, who practically disowned her until 2 days before the wedding, gave in and showed up with minimal drama. The drama resumed not even a week later, and sister in law and her mom are still on rocky terms 4 years later, but they are mending slowly.

 

When you do your own thing, you also have full control of the guest list, so there's that consolation.

 

I hope it works out for you, but - do what you think you can live with. You can only control your own actions and reactions. And that is all you can truly be responsible for. 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post

@The Dragoness I'm sorry your mom had to go though all that but thank you so much for the advice :) your right sometimes being family doesn't mean that they have to be involved.

 

@-FireClaw- That's a lot to happen right before a wedding but I'm glad it kind of worked out. Thank you for the advice as well! Yeah, I'll just keep that in mind that's a super comforting thought :)

Share this post


Link to post

Today a former childhood friend of mine tried to contact me after... I think 2-3 years of total radio silence. During those years I decided to cut all my ties with her since I had moved far away from my hometown (where my former friend lives), and last time I met her I realized that so much about her has changed and she doesn't feel like the same person I used to know and love. So I left her a message telling her that I don't want her contacting me again as I know it'd just lead to more misery for me. Can't speak for her, but considering she hasn't bothered to reach out to me in years I doubt she even cares.

I know I've left some posts on the internet saying pretty hurtful things about her. There was a time when I felt angry about what felt like her abandoning me, but since then I've just stopped caring entirely. I kinda feel bad about telling her to leave me alone and I wonder if I really did the right choice. But then it feels like it really is that, because we haven't talked in years now and we both have changed so much and I don't like the person she's become. Following that path would only lead to more misery and anger and bitterness and I don't want any of that.

Share this post


Link to post

@Sazandora 

 

I've been there and pretty much did/felt the same as you. I don't believe there is anything wrong with not wanting to be someone's friend if you don't like the kind of person they are or have become. It's your choice who is included in your life and no one else's. I'm not sure what it is that you don't like about her, but whatever it is, if it's a gut feeling that you should avoid it, then do. Your message may have hurt her feelings, but then again she should not have expected anything more after not talking for years, I'm assuming without a goodbye. She will have to move on and that is her own problem.

 

If someone causes misery to you, even if unintentional, don't feel pressured into including them into your life. Only let people in that make you happy and feel comfortable because that's what you deserve.

Share this post


Link to post

@Tesla Yes, she dropped off the face of the Earth without so much as a goodbye, or really anything at all. Yesterday it was rather upsetting to see her messaging me again, but I feel a lot better now. I tried to be as kind as I could be in my last message to her, though there was a lot of anger and bitterness in me that might've poured out in that moment. But maybe it was for the best so I'd never have to tangle with those feelings again, so I can just move on with my life and leave this ghost of the past behind for good.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you the best in life.

Share this post


Link to post

Posted (edited)

A year or so ago I was an idiot just coming out of the idiotic furmommy adopt-don't-shop phase and I decided stupidly to breed my dog, I didn't know at the time what health testing was and I thought it was just a clean bill of health from the vet. The breeding didn't take but later I got two Chi pups and a husky pup, I posted a video of them playing and people decided because my house was a 30 year old dingy old hole in Mexico that I "never clean", they started going after me, calling me a hoarder, making a group specifically to harass me and screenshotting EVERYTHING I did in EVERY group. Even editing screenshots and attributing comments to me that were made by other people. Somehow that now has evolved and it seems I can't post anywhere without being accused of being a hoarder, flipper, dog abuser, housebreaker and God knows what else.

 

I have not sold a dog, like, EVER, and many of my dogs are rescues. Never mind AC approves of the way I keep my animals, never mind that an actual reputable breeder looked at my living situation and willingly sold me a dog because she knew I would always care for her. All my salary goes to my dogs. They get homemade raw food, tip top vet care, the best of the best. They are my whole life. And this is REALLY getting on my nerves, to the point where my dogs and bf are literally the only things keeping me going. These people live in a whole other country from me, yet do not hesitate to pretend they know me better than I do and to make up lies. Some have even gone so far as to claim I sold them a dog (they were later forced to admit they were just making it up and got the photo off Google). I'm so over it at this point and I just can't anymore. They'll literally post a SS of my profile showing pics of 4 well cared for dogs and claim that "proves hoarding" when two of said dogs are dogs I had when I was a kid and don't have anymore...then they claim that me not having them anymore means I'm a "flipper". My reputation in dogbook is in shambles, I see no way of fixing it, and all over the pettiness of some people. I don't know what to do. I want to be a reputable breeder/show owner once I get the hang fully of genetics, health testing, temperament testing, titling etc, and all these people want to do is bring me down. Even my beautiful show line collie girl they claim is "hideous", "lacks breed type" and "looks like a badly done taxidermy". They just don't stop and it's been a year and a half almost of constant harassment. I've switched profiles, left groups, changed names, and nothing works.

 

To make matters worse, a "friend" who I thought I could trust told these people I have almost twice as many dogs as I actually have, that I have "countless" unfixed cats that I breed for money, and a lot of other lies. She also played dumb when I straight up asked her if it was she, until I caught her out red-handed. Upon which she flipped tables on me, telling me I betrayed HER by planning to ethically and responsibly breed my dog if she passes health and temperament testing sometime in the future. She even threatened me. And I'm so broken, because I trusted this person and looked up to her.

Edited by Princess Kiara

Share this post


Link to post

Posted (edited)

@Princess Kiara  - Stay strong in loving and caring for your dogs! We all know the internet is full of trolls, and I would not at all be surprised if some of those harassing you are breeders who would see you as competition. Too many people seem to think they know how others' lives "should" be, judge them unfairly, and gossip terribly about them. You deserve far better than that!

 

You also deserve much, much better than a false "friend" who feeds the trolls. How on earth is your responsibly breeding your dog a betrayal of her? Unless she provided you the dog on the condition you never breed her, that person is being ridiculously judgmental and is totally out of place. I'm sorry that you lost what was a cherished relationship, but it sounds like you are far better off without her toxic underhandedness in your life.

Edited by Awdz Bodkins

Share this post


Link to post

Sending all my love and support for those who are struggling with loss of loved ones, people or animals, and to all of those with life issues that have made them unhappy and sad, angry, in disbelief or feeling in any other negative kind of way. You can make it for sure. <3

My pet budgie got sick a little less than a month ago, my best friend who didn't even turn four yet and he had sinusitis. I took him to the only vet that works with birds in my city to see if it can be treated and he was given three different antibiotics to treat it and it was a success so I was over the moon happy thinking it was over with and that he'd be happy and healthy for the rest of his life with me, which would be around twelve more years. Last Friday I went to a one day trip to Vienna with my friend, and when I got back I noticed that he was feeling down and less active and the vet believed that he was tired of the previous illness and that he was also moulting and that it was transitory. However, this Thursday he diagnosed him with megabacteriosis, a system fungal infection that made him lose strength, got him diarrhea and he lost a worrying amount of weight so he prescribed him an antimycotic and a special kind of diet that I had to force feed him with, but sadly yesterday my little feathered friend passed away. I'm so heartbroken and I miss my little guy so much. Not only did he do everything with me, from studying with me for my exams and singing along to every song on my favourite radio station and playing video games on my phone, but he was also the last living memory of my grandma who passed away last year in January. I used to have three pets and in less than a year I lost two and I'm broken and it feels so empty and quiet without my budgie, it will take me so much time to get used to living in a room where he was living with me.

Share this post


Link to post

So sorry to hear about the loss of your birdie friend. Cherish the good memories - no one can take those from you. ❤️

Share this post


Link to post

*sends lots of hugs and good vibes to everyone*

 

I'm.... Struggling. Been struggling with anxiety a lot lately, much more then usual, and it's really affecting my ability to do anything productive. On top of that, I'm having a huge 'crisis of faith' due to some issues with the church I've grown to love and I really just have no idea what to do about that. Without getting into controversial topics, I'll just say that I really thought I finally found a church I feel comfortable in, felt accepted in, felt *excited* about going every Sunday... And then a sermon a few weeks ago proved to me yet again that religion and I just don't mix. I actually was anxious enough to avoid the whole sermon (left church early) and only yesterday finally sat down and listened to it all online. And now I honestly don't know what to think or do. It's really not something I can just look past, regardless of how I'd felt about the church before this... I'm so confused and disappointed. 

 

Also, my mom's knee surgery has finally been scheduled, for April 10th. And I'm low-key freaking. We've both agreed that she needs to accept the option of going to a rehab place instead of coming straight home, we are smart enough to realize that the two of us just can't deal with her recovery alone... But I'm really really nervous about being here alone for a week or so while she's at rehab. I don't do well alone. 

Share this post


Link to post

@HeatherMarie I'm so sorry you're going through this. Being alone can be scary, but it can also be great! Do you by any chance have a dog or cat? Throwing yourself into trick training them really helps you bond and not feel alone, plus time flies when you're with them and nothing equals the feeling of seeing an animal's joy at finally understanding what you're asking of them! (Yes, cats can be trained, too!)

Share this post


Link to post

My boyfriend broke up with me now after two years. He said he had been losing feelings for some time now and that it simply doesn't feel right anymore. We are both 18 and we had made plans for the future and moving together.

I honesrly think he is doing a big mistake and I would like to change his mind but I don't want to write with him and I dont know if he will change his mind.

 

I am socially anxious so I don't really know where to meet any other man and I don't really have friends to meet up with and talk about this. My mother lives 1000km away from me so I can't ask her for cuddles either.

Share this post


Link to post

@nordana Hey, I'm so sorry to hear that! :( I don't really have much relationship experience so I'm not sure what kind of advice I could offer, but I can offer internet hugs. *Hugs*

If you guys didn't talk about why he broke up, and you really want to get back together, maybe you should try talking to him and finding out why he's been losing feelings and if you could change that? I don't know, hopefully someone smarter will chime in. :P

Either way, I'm sure it will work out for you, even if you don't get back together with him, you'll be able to find someone else who is a better fit. :) I think it's pretty rare to end up with someone you began dating as a teenager, since you both change so much from there to adulthood.

*Hugs again* Hope you're doing better by the time you see this. ❤️

Share this post


Link to post

@Aqub Well, we did have a long talk about all those reasons when he broke up with me today. And I would take him back within the blink of an eye if that was his will.

But he seemed so sure that we cannot change his feelings and all, so I decided I wont write to him unless he writes first. Or if I think of a genuis solution to this that will make all our problems disappear.

 

If he doesn't want to try to fix things, I can't change it and I don't want to beg for his attention and his sympathy like a lost puppy.

Although I might have, if I was just a bit more shocked.

I did feel some sort of weird static in the air the days before the breakup. His behavior didn't change at all, but I just subconsciously seem to have noticed something. Because I did some things I usually would never do (listened to music that I know he hated but I enjoy, etc).

 

I think I need to swallow this decision of his and then try to heal.

Yes, we are young and all, but I am impatient and both of us didn't want to wait ten thousand years for a "long lasting relationship". And I don't know- but maybe exactly that was the mistake- maybe we should have waited until he is less stressed with school and has a stable job and has less other things going on in his life before we commit to a relationship.

 

And thank you for the virtual hugs. They are very very appreciated :D ❤️

 

Share this post


Link to post

@nordana

Aw, I see. Sometimes that growing apart thing just happens, I guess. Good luck with that healing. :) You seem like a very sweet person so I really think you'll be able to find someone else who can reciprocate your feelings! :D

Share this post


Link to post

@nordana Never ever try to change someone. It doesn't work. Even if it works for a while, the underlying issues creep back up. 

 

Even though it sucks now, you deserve to be with someone who wants to love you as much as you love them. One sided relationships inevitably fall apart. 

 

The best way to find a partner is not to look for one. Sounds cliche', but it's true. Focus on working on you - your hobbies, your school, your career. When you are happy with yourself, you open yourself to other's noticing  your joy. 

 

I get that you are socially awkward, it's more common than you think. I like to feel that it makes us more picky with who we do choose to spend our time with and be vulnerable to. That may open the door for a little harder hurting when stuff like this happens, but also makes us appreciative of what we have when we find the right companion who feels similarly to us.

 

One day, you will look back at this and probably remember the good memories and see how your life still worked out for the best. The wound is raw right now, so it is normal to want things to go back to like they were before. 

 

If you haven't seen it before, this advice may help:

 

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.


When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.


Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season. Like the reason people, they leave when that experience has passed. They often teach a skill, whether how to love, how to accept, how to cope, etc. When you have learned the skill, the 'season' of leaning ends, and they leave you, sometimes as quickly as they entered your life, and sometimes without a logical 'reason' for leaving. Just as you had an experience through them, they learned something through their relationship with you. When the lesson is learned, it's time to move on.


LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

 

Don't mourn the loss of reason or season relationships for too long. Take peace in knowing the lesson that this experience, no matter how long or fleeting. Cherish the good memories and use these to help you find your path towards the best future for you. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤

Share this post


Link to post

Posted (edited)

@-FireClaw- thank you so much for this text. ❤️

I really feel with my heart that you are right. It's just so hard to be alone right now. But if you are right, then i shouldnt hope he will come back.

Some distant friends gave me hope for that earlier- they said they were in sinilar situations and got back together and it worked out fine again- but i am losing that hope. He doesn't seem to want to get me back and I don't know if i can look him in the eyes again after this. But i still love him sadly. 

Edited by nordana

Share this post


Link to post

Today started out SO well. I had a fantastic ride (horse) and was feeling really on top of the world. Then my advisor took forever getting suggested edits to me on the application due today. Then I call the office to double check a formatting thing regarding the application and discover my second letter of recommendation writer had not sent in my letter yet and had just left for Spain. So I email him, and I figure I will take my dog for a while while I wait for a reply. I didn't even make it to the park (a few blocks away) when some self-absorbed jerk came flying out of a parking garage and very nearly hit my dog. If I had been a split second slower in yanking him HARD backward by the leash/collar, he would have probably been dead. And the guy looks down at my dog, then just speeds off. Didn't even have the decency to look upset about it, let alone apologise. My poor dog was so confused and frightened by suddenly being yanked by the leash (not something he is used to), and I have been in a fit all night about it. All the stress has given me a killer headache, and I have a quiz tomorrow morning. Ugh.

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.