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On 5/8/2018 at 12:27 PM, Sazandora said:

Today my older brother called me for the first time in well over a year -- and would you look at that, just to ask me to lend him some money. He did that last year and still hasn't paid me back -- good thing it was a small amount he asked and that's not really an issue. No, the problem here is that I honestly don't even know what to believe in anymore. He IS my brother and I've lived under the same roof with him for many years now... but now I'm kinda wondering, how much has he been lying to me all this time?

 

Back when we lived together with my father, well over ten years ago, he was already a hopeless party animal. Weekdays he spent just lying around doing nothing, on weekends he'd often invite some friends over to our (small) house to party all night, or he'd disappear for several days and come back with little to no explanation as to where he went or what he's been doing. It went so far that my dad just... gave up on him, didn't even ask any questions or anything, we just cracked jokes about my bro and where he's vanished to this time. Just harmless fun, I thought.

But today... I have no idea what he's doing, because I have no idea which parts of his tales are true and which are not. One time he told me he's working as some backstage organizer for local celebrities, that he's working with famous singers and the like, and more recently he told me he's working at some factory or whatever. I don't hear much from him, and most of what I do hear come from my mother. He just... never bothers to talk to me, unless he needs more money to probably fuel his partying habit or whatever. He even told me he's got a dog and for a good time I thought the dog was a lie too, but at least that part is completely true. Wow.

 

I hate having to lie to him, to dance around the issue why I don't want to lend him any money because I know he will never pay me back. For gods' sakes he's my brother and I've known him all my life, but today I wonder if I really KNOW him at all, wonder how much of what I know is just lies upon lies. I don't have the heart to set things straight with him, I just invent some white lies and cross my fingers and hope he'll forget about the whole thing, and then we could all go back to the way things used to be, to forget that we even exist. I'm just far too kind a person to ever admit it to him.

 

Long rambly post is long. No need to say anything, I just... had to say all this out loud. Thanks for... uh, listening or whatever.

You do not want to be an enabler, which is what you will be if you keep giving him money.  And it does sound like giving, not lending.  I'd just say you can't spare any and leave it at that. 

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I'm not okay right now.

 

My dad was having stomach issues for the past few days and last night I had to rush him to the hospital. I waited for over 2 hours until he came out and told me that he was being admitted to the hospital. He wanted my mother to bring over a bag with some clothes and a few essentials so I rushed home for her to do that. She was over there for an hour and the nurse told her to go home and they would call.

 

About an hour ago, mom woke me up and told me that my dad has to be airlifted out to another hospital. He has a microscopic tear in his bowel. The air ambulance is going to be airlifting him out sometime today and if there is room, mom is going with him. I told her that I'd feel more comfortable with her going with him.

 

I am so scared right now, I don't know what I'm going to do. This might be a small surgery but I'm completely and utterly terrified that it's going to go terribly wrong. My dad is one of the most important people in my life and I cannot lose him.

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3 hours ago, Zinogre said:

I'm not okay right now.

 

My dad was having stomach issues for the past few days and last night I had to rush him to the hospital. I waited for over 2 hours until he came out and told me that he was being admitted to the hospital. He wanted my mother to bring over a bag with some clothes and a few essentials so I rushed home for her to do that. She was over there for an hour and the nurse told her to go home and they would call.

 

About an hour ago, mom woke me up and told me that my dad has to be airlifted out to another hospital. He has a microscopic tear in his bowel. The air ambulance is going to be airlifting him out sometime today and if there is room, mom is going with him. I told her that I'd feel more comfortable with her going with him.

 

I am so scared right now, I don't know what I'm going to do. This might be a small surgery but I'm completely and utterly terrified that it's going to go terribly wrong. My dad is one of the most important people in my life and I cannot lose him.

My thoughts are with you and your family. There's not much advice here to give to you, except kind words and support. I have been in a similar situation few years ago: my dad got a stroke when we were just hanging at home, watching a movie at night. Fortunately me and my mom recognized the symptoms (slurring of speech, uneven hand control, throwing up) so we called an ambulance and the paramedics quickly arrived. Because of our quick reactions, they were able to perform a treatment at the hospital that cut out the damage to minimum.

 

This whole thing was a horrible experience. My mom followed the ambulance to the hospital while I stayed home. I stayed up all night, waiting for her to text me updates. At that moment, I didn't have any idea how serious the situation was, and I was fearing the worst. The next few days were a blur, visiting him in the hospital, seeing him in a state I have never seen before. But he made full recovery, only having to eat blood thinning medication.

 

My point here is, it's easy to jump into conclusions and worst case scenarios. Panicking won't help though, and the most important thing now is to be there for him and your mom, and looking after yourself too. Talk to your family members, or friends, or like you did, on the internet, and process your feelings. Try to keep your mind occupied so you don't constantly dwell over the situation: watch tv, play some games, play with pets or children etc, something that you enjoy doing. All the best to you and your family, I hope the surgery goes well and your dad makes full recovery.

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15 hours ago, Zinogre said:

I'm not okay right now.

 

My dad was having stomach issues for the past few days and last night I had to rush him to the hospital. I waited for over 2 hours until he came out and told me that he was being admitted to the hospital. He wanted my mother to bring over a bag with some clothes and a few essentials so I rushed home for her to do that. She was over there for an hour and the nurse told her to go home and they would call.

 

About an hour ago, mom woke me up and told me that my dad has to be airlifted out to another hospital. He has a microscopic tear in his bowel. The air ambulance is going to be airlifting him out sometime today and if there is room, mom is going with him. I told her that I'd feel more comfortable with her going with him.

 

I am so scared right now, I don't know what I'm going to do. This might be a small surgery but I'm completely and utterly terrified that it's going to go terribly wrong. My dad is one of the most important people in my life and I cannot lose him.

 

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it's so hard when a loved one is in the hospital. I'm glad that your mom might be going with him, that will probably ease both your minds. It's very easy to jump to worst-case scenarios when someone so important to you is unwell, but I hope you can maybe do something to get your mind off it for awhile. DragonCave could be good for that! Also, it may not help you, but some people find it helpful to try to think in facts, like 'this is what mom has told me, this is when he's going to be airlifted', factual statements can help ground the mind instead of running on emotions (I do that during anxiety attacks). 

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Hi all, 

 

My mother died unexpectedly last Friday and since then my father has had the viewing for her (Thursday).  It has been a very rough week.  The same day I found out my mom had died I found out my son was back in the hospital after his motorcycle accident because he is developing a pneumothorax and they are having trouble draining the fluid out of his chest.  He is still in the hospital in ICU.  I am nearing overload.  So any good thoughts or energy or prayers or whatever my way would be awesome.

 

Thank you,

 

Doc

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Lots of {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} and I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

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I'm so sorry. My heart truly goes out to you and your family. I hope that your son recovers soon and, even though she isn't with you physically, you can always cherish the good memories you shared with your mom. 

 

If you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open

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My sympathies.  You sound strong.  May your son heal, and your heart find peace... I lost my father recently and it's so hard, but it gets easier as you remember the joyful times, the goodness in someone that lives on...  I truly hope you get through these hard times with hope, and your son recovers well.  Blessings to you.

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My master's residence had been burnt to ruins thjs morning 2 am local time. Anyway, you must know that the work place (Offices) is beside that along with the lab filled with flammable solvents. It was only fortunate that the Offices were unharmed!

 

As it was reported in our online group that there was a fire but no one was hurt, I imagined only a small fire. As I came to work, I went to the house and saw the remains. Tbe whole house was affected.

 

We saw my master's mom standing there in the ruins. Apparently in shock. We had difficult time bringing her out.

 

Anyway, saw my master in the Office. He stopped by briefly. You could sense his calm. Like nothing happened. He just seems busy and in a rush. The work must still go on. He asked if we needed anything before going. To go with his mom for medicine.

 

Anyway, he also greeted me. I just froze. I felt guilty for not reacting. I just don't know how to comfort him. Hugging him, even if we're that close seems inappropriate. Anyway, I'm surprised he didn't blame me. You see, I also happen to be the Safety Officer.

I know it's not my fault and it's out of my jurisdiction (since it was the house not the Office which is under my watch). However I still feel guilty. Which is just ridiculous.

 

I also felt the need and want to resign. But of course, master doesn't need that. What with he needed me more than ever to check Fire Safety of other warehouses (also filled with flamnable products). It's just inappropriate to do so.

 

I'm just stuck on what to do.

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3 hours ago, georgexu94 said:

My master's residence had been burnt to ruins thjs morning 2 am local time. Anyway, you must know that the work place (Offices) is beside that along with the lab filled with flammable solvents. It was only fortunate that the Offices were unharmed!

 

As it was reported in our online group that there was a fire but no one was hurt, I imagined only a small fire. As I came to work, I went to the house and saw the remains. Tbe whole house was affected.

 

We saw my master's mom standing there in the ruins. Apparently in shock. We had difficult time bringing her out.

 

Anyway, saw my master in the Office. He stopped by briefly. You could sense his calm. Like nothing happened. He just seems busy and in a rush. The work must still go on. He asked if we needed anything before going. To go with his mom for medicine.

 

Anyway, he also greeted me. I just froze. I felt guilty for not reacting. I just don't know how to comfort him. Hugging him, even if we're that close seems inappropriate. Anyway, I'm surprised he didn't blame me. You see, I also happen to be the Safety Officer.

I know it's not my fault and it's out of my jurisdiction (since it was the house not the Office which is under my watch). However I still feel guilty. Which is just ridiculous.

 

I also felt the need and want to resign. But of course, master doesn't need that. What with he needed me more than ever to check Fire Safety of other warehouses (also filled with flamnable products). It's just inappropriate to do so.

 

I'm just stuck on what to do.

 

*Hugs you*  I know that feeling and escape from it isn't really easy.

I think that's lucky the offices were unharmed too.

 

(Sorry for my bad English.)

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Sorry for my bad English + vent emotions

 

I think other ARPG players cannot find this unless I mentioned it in DA site or tell them directly.

 

Spoiler

I enjoyed ARPG on Deviantart although I can't submit entries so much. And now, I'm on a kinda hiatus there. That reason why I became so active here recently...

 

I like to play ARPG, my own ARPG critters. And I don't want to quit ARPG for now.

But.. by keeping watch other ARPG players, I'm discouraged with my tail between my legs. Although I know they weren't being hostile to me.

 

The reasons

  • Lack of my social skill (And English isn't my native language.)
  • Strong and tight relationships are already built. So, I feel like newbies like me would be difficult to join there without good social skill.
  • So many other artists with a lot better drawing skills then me (Professional artists included)

I feel like most of other ARPG players look down on me. And my inferiority complex seems to revived... :(  Even they didn't tell me like this "You're worthless", "Get off from our ARPG!". "Your drawings are suck", "You're my eyesore", "You're gross".

 

I hardly admit I feel such emotions....

 

Do you think it's my wrong decision that I started to play ARPG? Socially awkard people should not join such communities?

 

Edited by Kyath The Dream Worker

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@Kyath The Dream Worker I don't think it was wrong to start doing it if you thought you might enjoy it, and if there are parts that you really enjoy then maybe it's a good thing. But I do understand those feelings... It might be a good idea to take a step back for a bit to figure out if you really enjoy it enough to deal with the negative emotions. I'm fairly awkward/shy and have anxiety issues and sometimes I need to step away from online social communities (including this forum) to regroup and let my emotions calm down. But when it's something you really enjoy sometimes the negative things are worth it, you just might want to figure out if that's true in your case. And taking a hiatus every so often so the negative stuff doesn't overwhelm you is probably a good idea.

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Lately I'm depressed. Like severely. I'm trying not to have a breakdown every other day, but it's getting too hard not to get frustrated from the constant negative feelings. There's a lot on my mind, and it's all melting down to me wanting to disappear off the face of the Earth at this point.

 

One of the main things is that I'm way too anxious to go anywhere. I don't want to be around people. Yet currently, I'm trying to enjoy myself in Colorado because I might just move here someday. I can't enjoy this trip even though I love it here.

 

Of course, it is certainly starting to get to me that I can't enjoy anything due to my anxiety and depression. Things that make people say "Wow so cool!!" or whatever just doesn't matter to me like it should. I keep rushing everything because my energy drains so fast.

 

I was literally standing on a mountain a few days ago and I just absolutely could not care at all. And I LOVE nature! So, I don't get it.

 

I hope this goes away before it consumes me. /cue my nervous laughter

Edited by Tesla

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I've been feeling icky lately... It's not depression in the usual way, I mean I'm very very familiar with the way I feel when my actual depression is coming back and it's not *that* bad, I haven't lost interest in things and I'm still able to have fun and smile. But I'm not doing too great, and the fact that it's not the familiar depression-symptoms is confusing me. I'm crying a lot, for no reason at all or for really tiny stupid reasons. I'm getting moments of feeling totally overwhelmed, despite not actually having anything to be overwhelmed about. It's possible it's just the change in the weather affecting me, it's getting to be summer-heat (104 right now) and my body doesn't handle that well. But it doesn't feel the same as the 'overheated feelings' usually do. I don't know, it's very possible it's nothing, but it's lasted long enough that I'm confused and concerned and annoyed. 

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@Tesla Don't worry too much about this. Think about yourself positively. I've had something similar to you after two really harsh years. Well, I still have, but not that much. Sometimes I still can't enjoy things that I used to enjoy. Give yourself some time. This helps me and I hope this will help you too. Additionally, I looking back to years when I was fully happy. I trying to find out what made me happy then. <Hugs you very much and having hope that your negative feelings will run away because of that hug.>

 

@HeatherMarie Don't focus to find out what make you feel that way. It will confuse you even more. Focus on something that relax you or makes you happy. I'ts very sad to me that you had depression. I really want to hug you and say "You're awesome and interesting person". :)

 

If you two will ever think about yourself negatively, think about me: someone in this world who's says that you deserves everything good. You both are wonderfull. :)

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13 hours ago, Gothh said:

@Tesla Don't worry too much about this. Think about yourself positively. I've had something similar to you after two really harsh years. Well, I still have, but not that much. Sometimes I still can't enjoy things that I used to enjoy. Give yourself some time. This helps me and I hope this will help you too. Additionally, I looking back to years when I was fully happy. I trying to find out what made me happy then. <Hugs you very much and having hope that your negative feelings will run away because of that hug.>

 

@HeatherMarie Don't focus to find out what make you feel that way. It will confuse you even more. Focus on something that relax you or makes you happy. I'ts very sad to me that you had depression. I really want to hug you and say "You're awesome and interesting person". :)

 

If you two will ever think about yourself negatively, think about me: someone in this world who's says that you deserves everything good. You both are wonderfull. :)

If I may add tot his and say that I KNOW from my own experience I am my own worst critic , to be honest.

 

So... jsut remember, that internal negativity is NOT necessarily an accurate representation of yourself, or even of how others see you. 

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Okay, so, I'm kinda freaking out right now. We have just been informed that we basically have to bag up and/or throw away a good 80% of the entire apartment, and I have no idea how on earth we are going to accomplish it. Basically, we've had a long-standing bug issue here, and the pest control business that the apartment complex uses has sprayed sooooooo many times, but it's never totally gotten rid of them. So we're at the point where they have to do a big, 'deep' spray, which includes us being out of the apartment for 24 hours (don't know how we'll do that either, nowhere else to go!) and bagging up *every* piece of clothing, bedding, fabric, etc... The list we were given includes stuff like 'Discard cardboard boxes, shoeboxes, paper and plastic bags, old newspapers, stacks of magazines, and any similar items' and 'remove everything from dresser drawers, nightstands, and dressing tables' and I really have no idea how we can do all this. Mom just spent her last $20 on big trash bags to start bagging stuff up, but I have so many questions, do I have to get rid of all my storage boxes that include old memories, what about all my books? Omg if they say I have to get rid of my books I might as well just start looking for a new place to live because that is NOT happening. 

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18 hours ago, HeatherMarie said:

Okay, so, I'm kinda freaking out right now. We have just been informed that we basically have to bag up and/or throw away a good 80% of the entire apartment, and I have no idea how on earth we are going to accomplish it. Basically, we've had a long-standing bug issue here, and the pest control business that the apartment complex uses has sprayed sooooooo many times, but it's never totally gotten rid of them. So we're at the point where they have to do a big, 'deep' spray, which includes us being out of the apartment for 24 hours (don't know how we'll do that either, nowhere else to go!) and bagging up *every* piece of clothing, bedding, fabric, etc... The list we were given includes stuff like 'Discard cardboard boxes, shoeboxes, paper and plastic bags, old newspapers, stacks of magazines, and any similar items' and 'remove everything from dresser drawers, nightstands, and dressing tables' and I really have no idea how we can do all this. Mom just spent her last $20 on big trash bags to start bagging stuff up, but I have so many questions, do I have to get rid of all my storage boxes that include old memories, what about all my books? Omg if they say I have to get rid of my books I might as well just start looking for a new place to live because that is NOT happening. 

You dont necessarily have to get rid of all of your things, but you do have to be super vigilant. If you have your own dryer: run everything that can handle heat safely through it on the highest heat setting,for at least an hour before bagging. invest in a steam cleaner (they can be as cheap as 25 bucks) and use it on the beds, couches and everything you can, going slow and letting the heat penetrate deep. If you have a porch/balcony, take things that cant go in the dryer easily, shove them in a black bag, seal tightly and leave in the sun, or better yet, a car parked in full sun to "cook" as long as possible. Boos and papers are major hidey holes, so those, you either are going to need to go page by page making sure they are clear, and if you arent 100% sure they arent hiding any, either toss, or try freezing. Store socks, panties and such in ziploc baggies after pulling them from th dryer, so theres no chance of reinfestation.

Spray any bugs you see with alcohol (be very careful about fire risks...). Pull all beds and furniture a few inches from the wall, you can place the legs in small bowls filled with oil (the more places you can eliminate contact between walls/floor and furniture the better as they dont jump or fly). Try to eliminate as much clutter as you can. DE powder, food grade dusted everywhere is helpful (wear a mask while using it, and give it a few hours to let it settle, but its safe to leave everywhere, and cuts their shells and dehydrates them). Get into the habit of trying to spend a few hours at least once a week going room to room checking every hiding spot and location you have seen them, and cleaning them out by hand, or with heat/alcohol/raid spray followed by a good vaccuming. 

Unfortunately, the more stuff you have, the more likely things will survive the spraying. If the complex isnt treating the surrounding apartments all at the same time, chances are you're gonna keep getting them.Heat is the most effective way for getting them all dead in one go, but its stupidly expensive and complexes like to do the cheapest available route. DE powder is fairly cheap, and proved highly effective for us on our infestation. I bought a 3lb container 5 years ago, and have over half of it left despite having dusted the house weekly for a few months. I use it on the pets for flea control too, and in the yard/ around the house for ant and spider control. :)

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I'm going through one of my weird mood cycles again. I have no appetite, so I've lost a few pounds this week and keep getting headaches from dehydration. I don't feel motivated to do anything but sleep--working is hell. I would just call someone and go out, but most of my friends are off on crazy summer vacations. If I were smart, I would at least start taking the useless antidepressant pills I dropped months ago, but I don't want to end up like my mother. I think I'm just going to sleep the next three months away. At least my classes will give me something to focus on in the fall. These cycles never last forever.

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So, I finally made the big step I was dreading, and informed my husband I am moving out, and want a divorce. The hardest part will be not living with the kids anymore, but I'll be close enough by to see them every day.

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@Thuban Thank you so much for the advice, details like that are definitely more helpful then the vague explanation the apartment manager gave us! Good luck with the divorce and moving out, it's a huge step but can often turn out to be the best decision ever. 

 

@The Dragoness Have you done research on the pills you don't want to take? I know taking pills is a very personal decision for many, but the more informed you are the better you can make a decision based on facts instead of fear about whatever happened with your mother. I've tried more antidepressants then I can count over the years, some didn't help much, some had bad side effects, but some are literally a large part of the reason I'm still alive. It might not be the right choice for you, but it's probably a good idea to consider your options.

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2 hours ago, HeatherMarie said:

@Thuban Thank you so much for the advice, details like that are definitely more helpful then the vague explanation the apartment manager gave us! Good luck with the divorce and moving out, it's a huge step but can often turn out to be the best decision ever. 

 

The sheet they gave you is because they want to clear as much surface area as they can, in order to be able to douse it with as much spray as possible. Do what you can to check everything for bugs before packing, to help them be able to get them more effectively. They wont be able to get them all, but if you can keep vigilant after they come next, and dust the place before you unpack it certainly will help keep them down to more managable amounts (or you'll get whats left on your own). I doubt they suggested it, but consider taking the outlet covers off and stuff too, so their sprays can get in them. They can hide in every crack, nook and cranny, so you'll wanna make sure you check the place over really well for things that could be sealed up better before unpacking. 

You'll get them handled fully, eventually.. but they are a rough, rough beast to get rid of. 

 

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I hate getting stressed about talking to others, sometimes it's just minor things, like making a phone call or like, asking a store worker for help, but it's even worse when I'm stressed about talking to my friends and people I already know. Sometimes I want to talk to my friends about issues and problems I've been having but I feel if I were to go out of my way and do that, I'd be burdening them with my own issues, or if this issue is about someone we both know, I'd be forcing them to choose sides, or it's something I fear it's something we wouldn't even agree with in the first place. And because I'm afraid of somehow hurting my friends feelings I just won't say anything, or if I do, I won't say enough and act as it's not as bad as it feels and when I do that my stress just keeps building up to the point it almost physically hurts. And I want to just talk about how I'm feeling sometimes and I dont know how to ask if that's ok. I'd love to be prompted to talk about things, but it feels rude to even consider that, especially since I feel it'd be putting unneeded stress on someones else. Besides, folks aren't mind readers and I don't do well with silent cries for help. Sometimes I also just fear if I voice my issues I'll just sound like I'm being unreasonable and mean. 

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So the other week I (finally) got the diagnosis of autism. I'm still in the NOTHING HAS CHANGED ACT NORMAL *immediately starts doing things as un-normally as possible* stage. (Stop being aware of your tongue! Breathe normally! Walk like a normal person!)

 

as an aside, college (A-levels, what you americans probably call high school) is over now and I have to figure out a schedule and keeping on top of my life as an adult now. SCHOOL IS OVER. NOT OKAY.

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