Description comments

[Mirhana]

We're Stuck Together, female Split:

This may look like an ordinary two-headed dragon, but looks deceive: she did not start out as such. A long time ago Magi dragons had not yet mastered the art of teleporting but experimented on volunteers to expand their knowledge and perfect their skills. Two giggling young Guardian dragons thought the idea of being magically transported over vast distances rather marvellous, and volunteered to be teleported. Since Litrigh's attempt to beam two adult Guardians at the same time, no Magi has tried to teleport adults at all. He created a monstrosity. The two bodies were torn and ripped into pieces and molten into one. Shrieks of horror were the first things the young Guardians heard when they awoke. Except they werren't Guardians anymore, but something... else. Disgusted by themselves, they fled. After a long, lone existence in a dark forest, they have finally joined a group of normal two-headed dragons and accepted what they are - stuck together.

 

Accept: *marvelous *weren't Guardians ~D

Accept:

Werren't was a typo, thanks for pointing that out Marvellous was not though. Out of curiosity, is British English still accepted by the moderators? I've been out of description writing for years; back in 2008/2009 British spelling was fine, and prior to Biomes it was also fine to say your dragon lives in Scotland (as long as he lived in a medieval Scotland) and what not, which obviously isn't accepted nowadays Can't see any changes in the description guidelines though.

 

Origin:

Middle English: from Old French merveillus, from merveille (see marvel)

 

Spelling help

Spell marvellous with a double l (the spelling marvelous is American).

Nvm, it's still there:

"As there is often debate about this and since Terri’s wonderful write-up was gotten rid of, yes, American English and British English are both acceptable in descriptions."

Which means you'll be seeing a lot of unnecessary extra letters from me (sorry guys)

 

Edited December 8, 2013 by Mirhana

[Dimar]

Yeah, American and British are both acceptable. I didn't know British spelled marvelous with two l's though, so I thought it was another typo. >.< Sorry...

 

*goes off muttering about how many mistakes she's been making*

[Mathcat]

Draconic history is full of tales of would-be dark lords and conquerors, and yet few stories mention what happened to these ambitious dragons once they were defeated. Some were killed, yes, but most were wily enough to fake their own deaths. Many of these have wound up in one particular weyr, otherwise unremarkable, where they gather each week to recall past glories and share the mistakes that led to their defeat.

Zetlen can always be relied on for exciting stories. Nobody really believes him, of course, as no one dragon could have done a tenth of what he claims to have achieved, but he's entertaining enough. Zetlen is lying, but not in the way everyone imagines. Every one of his stories happened exactly as he described, except for one significant detail. His former employers were the true protagonists, while he was just the humble minion who watched and took notes for future reference. Zetlen doesn't dare admit this, of course, so he lets the others believe what they want to.

 

Accept:

Accept: Very nice! ~D

Accept: LOL, he's just a minion. Love it! -

 

The same person left comments on all three of the descriptions I submitted that evening. Thanks, whoever you are (your signature got eaten).

[Lagie]

Nhio may be one of the better dance-flyers in Lagie's caves but he has a dreadful stutter when speaking and has difficulty being understood by most of the dragons he meets. He has taught himself to use his four wings in a kind of sign language thinking this will help him out. The only trouble with this is, no one else has yet learned what the signs mean, so poor Nhio is just as misunderstood as he was before.

 

Accept: Aww, poor guy. ~PG

Accept: Aww, poor guy. ~D

 

Were you two chatting together? You have exactly the same comment, punctuation and all!

[Evolette]

I just looked over the thread and I realized some of the comments were mine. o.o *hides*

[Hazel360]

Welp, I've been stalking this thread for a while and I decided to post some of my descriptions and their comments.

THEN WHO WAS LEEK, as his name probably suggests, wants to know who Leek was. Every two weeks or so, LEEK runs around the Cave, screaming, "Then who was leek" to storks. The other dragons are absolutely clueless as to what he is blabbering on about. Because of his endless questioning, he has been nicknamed "Inquisitive LEEK", and is often avoided by the saner dragons.

 

Accept: Nice ~PG

Accept: This must be a reference to something. o_O ~D

 

((Yes, it's a reference to the "THEN WHO WAS PHONE?" Trollpasta.))

 

"Beware, beware the potatoes in the sky!" is Potatoes In The Sky's catchphrase. It believes that the apocalypse will come when potatoes fall from the sky, which is why it can often be spotted looking upwards. Potatoes, as it likes to be called, has come up with many barmy theories. They range from telepathic ostriches achieving world domination to omnivorous vegetables brainwashing all of dragonkind. In its free time, Potatoes enjoys preparing its army of fireflies for a possible potato invasion.

 

Accept: Your descriptions are insane, I never know what to expect ~PG

Accept: Sooo strange. x3 ~D

 

In Hazel360's Cave, it is not uncommon to encounter with insane or abnormal dragons. Among these oddities is "I made my own brain lag", who is currently competing for the title of weirdest dragon in the Cave. From making her own brain lag, conspiring against pancakes and exotic dancing, she has done many things to disturb the peace of the few sane residents. Lag, as she is called, has even managed to irritate the other crazy hatchlings with her abnormality.

 

 

Accept: Nice ~PG

Accept: Very nice! ~D

 

Despite not being crazy, like most of the other hatchlings in Hazel360's cave, Hitting Lamp-Posts is clumsy. "Clumsy", of course, is more of an euphemism to describe its lack of coordination. Hitting Lamp-Posts managed to accidentally push a chicken off a cliff with his tail, earning it the nickname of "Pushing Chickens". To make up for its gracelessness, Lamp-Posts is a disciplined one, and always strives to become harder, better, faster and stronger.

 

Accept: Haha, nice! ~PG

Accept: Very nice! ~D

 

Ever since she was a little hatchling, Hanging By A Heartstring wanted to be different from the others. Not that she wasn't different, being one of the few Albino dragons in the Cave. Bullied for lacking pigment in her scales, she has tried many times to be noticed for her many talents. These include plate-spinning, singing on-key, impersonating frogs and miscellaneous magic tricks with onions.  Unfortunately for Heartstring, many of her attempts to gain recognition have failed miserably. The only dragon that pays attention to her is her own reflection. Because of her rejection from draconic society, Hanging By A Heartstring can often be heard bawling in a dark corner of the cave.

 

Accept: Well, if embarrassed to be found crying, she can always blame it on the magical onions...? ~m

Accept: Very sad. ~D

Accept: Aw. How depressing--I like it. > LOL, kidding. -

 

*Looks at first and last comments and has nothing to say*

 

Ever since he was a hatchling, Onion Jockey Angel of Timbuktu, or just Onion, had an abnormal affinity with horses and all things equine. Because of this, he was bullied by the other hatchlings. They teased him with pony-related songs, all sung off-key. Emotionally scarred by the bullying, but still unfazed, Onion set out to follow his hatchlinghood dream: To build a sanctuary for horses, named Equestria. Onion still hasn't succeeded, but tourists often visit the cave to see this famous horse-taming dragon.

 

Accept: D'aaw -H /me sings (in-key) *Come on every dragon smile, smile, smile..*

Accept: Nice! ~PG

Accept:

Accept: Ahhhh I love it. ~D

Accept:

Accept:

 

Am I the only person that read the first comment in Pinkie Pie's voice?

Edited December 10, 2013 by Hazel360

[Lagie]

Z'Lottery Licket of Trotsky:

Tick loves to gamble, much to Lagie's dismay. Tick says she was born to be lucky, and so far her experiences have backed her up.

If she's betting on any kind of race, Tick always says it's a 'sure win' just as she places her best. Sure enough, somehow, she wins, every time. The cave's bookies always insist that she be last in line, though, as they don't want to end up losing all their gemstones to multiple winning dragons.

 

Accept: Ha, nice. ~D

Accept: What a lucky dragon. .__. I wish I had that kind of fortune. - Evo

Accept:

 

She has to be lucky! Check out her parents' codes: http://dragcave.net/lineage/Zt0s4

[Evolette]

Z'Lottery Licket of Trotsky:

 

 

    Accept: Ha, nice. ~D

    Accept: What a lucky dragon. .__. I wish I had that kind of fortune. - Evo

    Accept:

 

She has to be lucky!  Check out her parents' codes: http://dragcave.net/lineage/Zt0s4

That was my comment. I was switching from using "Evolette" and "Evo" as my signature, then I decided to stick with Evolette. Her parents' codes are amazing! ._. I didn't even notice them until now.

[Dirtytabs]

Wearing a cape, tight face mask, bishop's headdress, and giant silver star, Sheriff of Night Vale watches over the denizens of his section of the desert. He keeps track of all conversations, and with help from his equally mysterious assemblage and some powerful magic, he's able to keep constant surveillance of everybody, for their safety of course.  He is surprisingly good at writing poetry.

 

Accept:

Accept: AH HA HA I haven't seen a WTNV descrip in a while. Thank you for that, Tabs. ~D

 

I recently also did this Night Vale-ish description:

UFOs Are Totally Not a Thing reminds everyone that UFOs are totally not a thing. They are merely enormous balloons, which are actually misplaced clouds. And clouds are dreams that have escaped sleep... and she rambles on. What the others point out is that UFOs were never a "thing". She just made them up, or perhaps took the idea from humans, then pretended they were a thing so she could tell the confused populace that they aren't.

[Draco Knight]

The chains pulled taut, putting strain on flesh that could no longer feel pain. A young woman gazed in sadness and regret at the poor dragon, the vicious, twisted creature her magic had created. Chains rattled against the stone dungeon floor as Check once again began to restlessly pace, desperately wanting freedom from her dark prison; freedom to kill without sense, to devour the flesh of the living. And so it was for all time; the midnight hour called her body back to animation, and the chains protected the world from her ravenous hunger.

 

Accept: Nice -H

Accept: Very well-written ~PG

Accept: Nice job. ~D

Accept: Creepy...

[Hazel360]

Some older descriptions which I decided to check:

Awesome Toilet Seat is one of the many cases of insanity on Hazel360's Scroll. It believes that "goat" is a gender, and is aggressive to all who try to prove it wrong. One of its many hobbies consist of decorating the cave with seashells, rotten fruit, and sand. Because of this, Awesome Toilet Seat, along with its friend Epic Toilet Seat, has been told off many times by Deck the halls with detergent.

 

Accept: I can't spot the difference still hilarious -H

Accept:

Accept:

Accept: Haha, nice. ~PG

Accept: But it's good to have a hobby... Right? - MC1

Accept: I LOL'd at this.

Accept:

Accept: Looks good to me. ~D

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

 

For the 1st comment: Neither could I, until some grammar Nazi pointed out a typo.

 

Epic Toilet Seat is one of the residents of Hazel360's Draconic Asylum. Along with his best friend Awesome Toilet Seat, it enjoys making Deck the halls with detergent's life Hell. And boy, are they persistent. Epic Toilet Seat's nickname is just "Epic", like his best friend's is "Awesome". On Halloween, it likes to grease the floor with an ectoplasmic undetermined substance.

 

Accept: OK - H

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept: Haha, pretty good! ~PG

Accept:

Accept: ...interesting name. ~D

Accept:

 

As its name says, Life is just a big toilet seat believes that life really is a big toilet seat. It prefers to be called "Seat", and is one of the sanest frozen hatchlings on Hazel360's Scroll. Apart from claiming the apocalypse was yesterday and that cow-frogs are real, it has never done anything too... abnormal. Occasionally, Seat yodels while doing the Conga with geese, but that's it. Hopefully.

 

Accept: Incredibly enough *one of the sanest* is completely true -H

Accept: Do the geese agree to do it with Seat? -Ƭ

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept: Hmm. Well, that's random. ~D

Accept: I seriously have never read a more wacky description! It's amazing!

Accept:

 

For the 2nd comment: No, they don't.

Edited December 12, 2013 by Hazel360

[GreatDragon]

Alright, so, I decided to redo two of my dragons descriptions (before they were accepted) and then add two more. All four of them relate to each other and to the game that I'm referencing.

 

So far, two of them have gotten blank accepts. The other two, however, have some comments that I would like to have some explanation. The style of writing for the four of them are all the same and are more story than description.

 

I Narrate For You, Male Grave Dragon (a redo)

This is a story about a dragon who was trapped in a never ending cycle.

.

He had to narrate the endings for a certain dragon over and over and over. The endings were different but on repeat, because the dragon's choices were always changing, and I Narrate For You had to describe it all every time, even if it happened already before. He had to follow the rules, continue the cycle for all eternity.

.

But eternity turned out to be quite short. The endings broke free, letting I Narrate For You and the other dragon out into the real world. But it had been a very long time since they were real and neither lasted long. The other dragon retreated into the cycle once more, leaving the narrator alone.

.

The Grave Dragon now sits alone in a small cave, with nothing but eternal life. He wonders what happened to the dragon he spoke to since forever, wondering if he should have went with him.

.

But it didn't matter anymore. Time will continue on and the end is never the end is never the end is never-

Accept:

 

The Stanley Parable, Male Albino Dragon

This is the story of a dragon named Stanley.

.

Stanley worked in a small village. He jotted down numbers of things that the village needed. He did this everyday. Some say that it is the worst life that anyone could choose, but he seemed content.

.

Then, one day, Stanley got tired. He got tired of his job, of his life, and his friends. Of course, he did not try to change it. Instead, Stanley used his imagination and made up an adventure for himself.

.

He pretended that everyone in the village disappeared. He then imagined that he walked around the village and came upon a forked path. 'Now, here are some choices!' He thought to himself.

.

Down one was a story about a Magi that mind controlled all of the villagers. Down the other was a plot about him running in circles and playing with babies. It didn't even matter which one he chose. Stanley would just pick one and then do another the next day. And all the while, he continued to jolt down the numbers, slowly but surely killing himself.

Accept:

 

The Yellow Adventure Line, Male White Strip

This is not the story of a dragon named Stanley, or Marrial, or I Narrate For You. This is a story about a dragon who believes in the ending, not the journey.

.

This dragon knows that, sometimes, the ending isn't there. Sometimes, the ending runs away, leading any unsuspecting creature on a wild chase to nowhere. So, this dragon helps them find their ending.

.

He shows them the way, paving a yellow line straight to the running ending. He traps it, keeping it safe for the being that wants their ending. He accepts no thanks or even an I.O.U.; he has no need for them.

.

On some days, especially the rainy ones where no one wants their endings, he wonders about his ending. His ran away long ago, and he can't ever find it. Such a thing dooms one to eternal life, but The Yellow Adventure Line doesn't have any qualms against it. He'll spend his forever running time to help everyone else find their endings.

.

Even if their endings don't end in happiness.

Reject: good story in all, but its not really description material you see.

 

^I've written story like descriptions and seen story descriptions while reviewing other peoples dragons. There are not that many rules to box in uniqueness when writing a description. There is no rule where you are not allowed to write a story to describe the dragon.

 

A Woman Named Marrial, Female Dark Myst Pygmy (a redo)

This is the story of a Dark Myst Pygmy named Marrial. Marrial woke up on a day like any other. She ate breakfast, had a talk with a nearby Mint, and took a walk thinking over an appointment she had later today.

On this day, her walk was interrupted by the body of a dragon, who had been stumbling around muttering to himself and then collapsed dead on the ground. And, although she would soon run for help, for just a few seconds, she looked at the strange dragon.

He was definitely insane. Everyone knows what insane dragons look like. At that moment, she thought about how lucky she was to be normal.

'I am sane. I control my life and destiny.'

It was comforting to think that, and, in a way, seeing this dragon made her feel better.

Then she remembered the appointment she had. There were important dragons to meet and their decisions would affect her life. She did not have time for this.

.

So, it was only a moment that she stood there, staring down at the body.

.

And then she turned and ran.

Accept:

Abstain: An interestingly thought out description... I don't understand why "she" would run if she had wings and could fly. The story seems somewhat incomplete to me, but those are minor problems.

 

^The story is supposed to be incomplete, sort of like a cliff-hanger (except it isn't a cliff-hanger). Saying that she 'turned and ran' sounds better than she 'turned and flew'.

 

 

If I'm just being an idiot and writing descriptions the wrong way, then tell me. I'll go back and change them to sound like an ordinary description and avoid this whole mess.

[Pokegirl858]

If I'm just being an idiot and writing descriptions the wrong way, then tell me. I'll go back and change them to sound like an ordinary description and avoid this whole mess.

I remember accepting two of those descriptions, and you fixed the only real mistake I saw (I sign with ~PG). Even though I still consider myself kind of 'new' to reviewing, I disagree with the comments that were made. An ongoing story between dragons that still describes the individuals can be much more interesting, and it encourages people to check your other dragons for descriptions too

[DangerDragon]

What do You think about this?

 

 

"DragGrave was one of the very first Grave Dragons. DragGrave was a tiny little egg when her previous owner found her. She hatched, and like all hatchies, she thought that the first person they see is friendly. The owner was friendly, but when she gendered as a female, the owner was angry because he wanted a male. So the owner put her in cage and did not give her any food. One day the owner was going to kill her, but when he opened the cage, DragGrave killed him. And after that she never trusted anybody. She burned villages down, killed people. She thought that all humans are cold-hearted killers. But then she met DangerDragon alone in the forest. They are friends now."

 

•Accept:

•Accept: Not bad. ~D

[Mirhana]

If I'm just being an idiot and writing descriptions the wrong way, then tell me. I'll go back and change them to sound like an ordinary description and avoid this whole mess.

As the guidelines thread explicitly states that stories are fine, I see no problem with your work.

 

Anyway, female Magi No newspaper 4 U

She hoards newspapers. Her cave is stuffed to the brim with them. Any year, any languages, she wants all of them. All of them! She loves them, orderly stacked in piles around her home or folded neatly to make a warm nest for herself. Nothing makes her angrier then people abusing them by whacking each other in the face with it. Or even worse, whacking Dragcavebot.

 

Accept:

Accept: I assume Dragcavebot is another dragon? And not actually a bot? ~D

She is (though based on the IRC bot of course), and part of my Magma x Magi project including You Have Been Kicked By, Dragcavebot, The Cake Is Real, No Newspaper 4 U, Failcave, Server Crash, 522 Connection Timeout and 400 Bad Request You get the theme...

 

White Bird Ninja:

White Bird is a member of the Ninja Chicken Army, an organisation of native chickens fighting off the invading Space Chickens. With her exceptional intelligence, she has discovered how to craft bombs shaped like an egg, which she loves to drop on unsuspecting Space Chickens' heads.

 

Accept: I would say that there weren't bombs in medieval times, but when it comes to Space Chickens it's a different situation. X3 ~D

Accept:

Gunpowder was known since the 13th century in Europe and before that in China, not to mention fireworks, though the earliest actual bomb I could find was from the 15th century which is quite late in the Middle Ages. Anyway, if it gets rejected I'm confident I can argue my way out of it. Or rewrite it with a hostage Magi forced to build them for her.

For anyone experiencing a WTF-feeling when reading the variously coloured chickens, for your reference: Space Chickens, Ninja Chickens, and Angry Birds.

 

Unfolded, this large paper dragon forms half of a map showing the ancient land called Alba. It consists of a mountainous area surrounded by rocky islands and wild sea. At the bottom is a red dot marked "Mirhana's cottage". There are small pictures of dragons denoting various clans and families. Four clans of Guardians and Silvers, proud and stubborn, live near the coast in the north-west. Several large families of other mountain breeds live deeper in the Highlands. Their territory is dotted with packs of water and forest dragons inhabiting the lochs and woods. Various Blacks and their family occupy the rough islands to the north; raiders and warriors, they are a menace to the other clans. Clan Dealain and the Frosts have taken the fertile lands in the south-east. A few arrogant Golds aside, they are peace-loving and kind. On the snowy mountain peaks lives a family of Winter and Ice dragons. Cold-hearted and haughty, they mix only with their own kind.

 

Accept: Very nice! ~D

Accept:

Accept: What a beautiful description. o.o Also, I love this idea! *goes away silently to steal idea, realizes she doesn't have a Paper, and sits in a corner sobbing dramatically* -

Thank you! Edited December 14, 2013 by Mirhana

[pinkgothic]

Davifrir has turned his pacifism into a deontological worldview for social interaction, defining harm as anything done to another sapient creature or their belongings without their consent. Since express consent cannot reasonably be gotten for every action, implicit consent is a wholly acceptable substitute to him, assuming one is willing to accept to offer compensation if one misjudged. For him, rules of conduct are only valid if one has chosen to obey them, making him wary of self-proclaimed kings or queens - or indeed anyone who claims to be able to govern another, or that others cite as having unquestionable authority.

He's Neike Taika-Tessaro's mentor, infecting her with his gentle but assertive outlook, teaching her to be sceptical of all things... including voiced scepticism itself, which he finds is far too rarely contested. He champions 'non-conformism to non-conformism', lauding true individuality - as long as no one comes to harm, of course.

 

Got an odd reject on this one:

 

* Reject: Skepticism and skepticism are spelled incorrectly. Begotten is one word. I don't see a reason to use single quotations for nonconformism (which doens't need to by hypenated), as it stands on its own.

 

'Skepticism and skepticism are spelled incorrectly.' ...no?

 

'Begotten is one word.' ...'be gotten' and 'begotten' mean something very different, though. I'm using it as 'be obtained' (I had to be sparing with characters to make the description limit), which 'begotten' just... doesn't mean.

 

'I don't see a reason to use single quotations for nonconformism (which doens't need to by hypenated), as it stands on its own.' Yeah, it could be without them, but it's a phrase he uses sometimes, so something of a quote-in-spirit. It's not as clear in this final rendition as it could be. I might take them out if you folks think I ought to? Opinions?

 

(Also, slightly tempted to change 'be gotten' to 'be obtained' and axing the hyphens in 'non-conformism'; character juggling at its finest, aha. I didn't know it didn't need to be hyphenated. *eyebrow wiggle*)

 

Edit:

 

As a protege of Davifrir, Neike Taika-Tessaro believes in the liberty of expression for all sapient creatures, passionately convinced that all oddities in behaviour are entirely valid as long as no harm is inflicted on the unwilling. Perhaps the relationship with Morgrim, one of her mates, once began its life as a stubborn proof of concept, to show that even the sadistically inclined are respectable members of society as long as their victims consent to their actions... but whatever knot she may once have tied herself into, she's long since discovered Morgrim's attention is a genuine expression of affection, more cautious than it appears. Any long-term damage she might be in unintended danger of is offset by the healing magic of her other mate, Rehchoortahn, devoted part of their sessions that he makes himself. She explains her delight at her 'tortures' to others as a gift: She's exploring the brink of perception with her trusted mates, knowing any voiced objection would be honoured.

 

* Reject: Both of your descriptions read like a college textbook. I recommend dumbing them down a little. I zoned out after the second sentence on both. Protege. Several grammatical errors as well.

 

Can someone help me with the grammar errors? My friends didn't catch one, but that doesn't mean there aren't any. (I don't think the start of the reject is worth reacting to, mind, that's personal opinion; and I definitely won't 'dumb it down', thankyouverymuch, I don't believe people reading descriptions are stupid. <3)

 

--

 

Edit II:

 

Got another reject on Davifir:

 

* Reject: Too many wordy phrases, in my opinion. -CL

 

I'm not upset, but is that a genuine reason for a reject? I've always reviewed descriptions regardless of literacy or what I personally think of the descriptions; I Accept one-line descriptions just as much as I Accept poetic descriptions, and I Accept descriptions I personally dislike but that don't violate any guidelines I know of... should I not be doing that? I'm a little confused.

 

I don't need any of you liking my descriptions, but these descriptions are just behaving kind of oddly to me. (I don't usually get reasoned rejects, much less two in a row. And this isn't any more 'wordy' than my other stuff, I don't think?)

Edited December 14, 2013 by pinkgothic

[nlechoppa]

The boss of nature is exactly what the name says. The boss of Guardian of natures manages when summons work and don't work. As he is the Guardian of nature who was summoned first try they appointed him boss. So he works quietly sitting in the ocean and land making sure Guardian of nature only are summoned when needed. And he also defends the place he was summoned. So that's why they call him the Boss of nature.

Accept: Not bad. ~D

•Reject:

Edited December 14, 2013 by Soulking

[Lagie]

Got an odd reject on this one:

 

* Reject: Skepticism and skepticism are spelled incorrectly. Begotten is one word. I don't see a reason to use single quotations for nonconformism (which doens't need to by hypenated), as it stands on its own.

 

'Skepticism and skepticism are spelled incorrectly.' ...no?

 

'Begotten is one word.' ...'be gotten' and 'begotten' mean something very different, though. I'm using it as 'be obtained' (I had to be sparing with characters to make the description limit), which 'begotten' just... doesn't mean.

 

'I don't see a reason to use single quotations for nonconformism (which doens't need to by hypenated), as it stands on its own.' Yeah, it could be without them, but it's a phrase he uses sometimes, so something of a quote-in-spirit. It's not as clear in this final rendition as it could be. I might take them out if you folks think I ought to? Opinions?

 

(Also, slightly tempted to change 'be gotten' to 'be obtained' and axing the hyphens in 'non-conformism'; character juggling at its finest, aha. I didn't know it didn't need to be hyphenated. *eyebrow wiggle*)

 

Edit:

 

 

 

* Reject: Both of your descriptions read like a college textbook. I recommend dumbing them down a little. I zoned out after the second sentence on both. Protege. Several grammatical errors as well.

 

Can someone help me with the grammar errors? My friends didn't catch one, but that doesn't mean there aren't any. (I don't think the start of the reject is worth reacting to, mind, that's personal opinion; and I definitely won't 'dumb it down', thankyouverymuch, I don't believe people reading descriptions are stupid. <3)

 

--

 

Edit II:

 

Got another reject on Davifir:

 

* Reject: Too many wordy phrases, in my opinion. -CL

 

I'm not upset, but is that a genuine reason for a reject? I've always reviewed descriptions regardless of literacy or what I personally think of the descriptions; I Accept one-line descriptions just as much as I Accept poetic descriptions, and I Accept descriptions I personally dislike but that don't violate any guidelines I know of... should I not be doing that? I'm a little confused.

 

I don't need any of you liking my descriptions, but these descriptions are just behaving kind of oddly to me. (I don't usually get reasoned rejects, much less two in a row. And this isn't any more 'wordy' than my other stuff, I don't think?)

There are two spellings for scepticism. I see nothing wrong with yours. Same for be gotten (though I might use be obtained rather than gotten, but that's just my dislike of the word get/got in general). The hyphen's fine.

 

There's NOTHING wrong with sounding like a college textbook! It's a pleasure to see people use long words or uncommon words. Please keep doing so!

 

This is the only sentence I'd change - Any long-term damage she might be in unintended danger of is offset by the healing magic of her other mate, Rehchoortahn, devoted part of their sessions that he makes himself. - probably by making it into two since devoted doesn't seem to relate to the first half.

 

I wouldn't fret too much over rejects. Reviewers have their own opinions. Mods may or may not take them into account when they evaluate. Personally, I like your descriptions and would approve them if they showed up in my queue!

[Lagie]

The boss of nature is exactly what the name says. The boss of Guardian of natures manages when summons work and don't work. As he is the Guardian of nature who was summoned first try they appointed him boss. So he works quietly sitting in the ocean and land making sure Guardian of nature only are summoned when needed. And he also defends the place he was summoned. So that's why they call him the Boss of nature.

Accept: Not bad. ~D

•Reject:

It's a wee bit repetitive, but you may have done that deliberately!

So he works quietly sitting in the ocean and land making sure Guardian of nature only are summoned when needed.

would be better without the 'so' and you need an s, either as Guardians of nature or as Guardian of natures, depending how you structure your noun. The verb is 'are' so the noun has to be plural.

[pinkgothic]

There are two spellings for scepticism.  I see nothing wrong with yours. Same for be gotten (though I might use be obtained rather than gotten, but that's just my dislike of the word get/got in general).  The hyphen's fine.

 

There's NOTHING wrong with sounding like a college textbook!  It's a pleasure to see people use long words or uncommon words.  Please keep doing so!

 

This is the only sentence I'd change - Any long-term damage she might be in unintended danger of is offset by the healing magic of her other mate, Rehchoortahn, devoted part of their sessions that he makes himself. - probably by making it into two since devoted doesn't seem to relate to the first half.

 

I wouldn't fret too much over rejects.  Reviewers have their own opinions. Mods may or may not take them into account when they evaluate.  Personally, I like your descriptions and would approve them if they showed up in my queue!

 

Thank you very much for the feedback! That helps immensely; I was genuinely unsure if I wasn't maybe doing my own description reviewing wrong, or misunderstanding Reject/Accept in general.

 

Would you mind if I PM'ed you about the sentence crit' to polish it with you? (Regrettably I'm extremely close to the description size limit, which in itself makes for some awkward sentences, but I'd love to work in your suggestion if we can juggle it together. <3)

 

[ Edit: Lagie started a PM conversation with me. Thank you, Lagie! ]

Edited December 14, 2013 by pinkgothic

[Obscure_Trash]

I don't see any grammar errors either, pinkgothic. Besides the sentence Lagie mentioned (which confuses me a leetle), the only thing I would suggest changing is:

 

but whatever knot she may once have tied herself into

 

to "but whatever knot she may have once tied herself into" or "but whatever knot she may have tied herself into once"

 

Also, having read many college textbooks in my career, none have been so fun nor interesting (and rarely as easy to understand) as your descriptions. o3o

[pinkgothic]

I don't see any grammar errors either, pinkgothic. Besides the sentence Lagie mentioned (which confuses me a leetle), the only thing I would suggest changing is:

 

 

 

to "but whatever knot she may have once tied herself into" or "but whatever knot she may have tied herself into once"

 

Also, having read many college textbooks in my career, none have been so fun nor interesting (and rarely as easy to understand) as your descriptions. o3o

 

Thank you - both for the grammar help and the kind comment! Much appreciated. I'll work one of your two variants into the resubmit; you're absolutely right that it's less awkward that way.

 

Edit: I resubmitted both descriptions with some minor tweaks (I am sure I'll get the same rejects since most of the text is still the same, but I won't be fussed over them this time). Thank you, Lagie, for your feedback in PM; and thank you, Sock, for your help here.

 

Edit II: Yep. Predictably:

 

* Reject: Not a fan of the long, wordy phrases. -CL

 

Ah well. ;3 Suit yourself.

Edited December 15, 2013 by pinkgothic

[Mirhana]

Edit II: Yep. Predictably:

 

* Reject: Not a fan of the long, wordy phrases. -CL

 

Ah well. ;3 Suit yourself.

I review solely to help people correct possible spelling mistakes and other errors and thus help the mods, but it always surprises me how often people review based only on liking or disliking the story. I've had a reject saying "this is not description material" without further argumentation and several rejects because I was being "cruel" to the dragon I'm used to the trolls by now. Anyway, I liked both your descriptions, don't get discouraged

Edited December 15, 2013 by Mirhana

[Hazel360]

Despite encounters with rather unique dragons being common in the cave, few can compare to this one. KyaryPamyuPamyu is a Spitfire who can often be found singing,  songwriting or making extravagant costumes and scenery. She pesters the fellow residents with songs like "Pon pon way way way" and "Cherry, cherry, cherry bon bon..." Hypnotized by her music, the other dragons can be found singing these parts of her songs, because that's the only part they know and understand. When not doing music-related activities, Kyary enjoys inventing dance routines and forcing hatchlings to be her backup dancers.

 

Accept: ...is this a Patapon reference? If so, you're *awesome*. -pg

Accept: double space before "songwriting" ~PG

Accept: Hey I just learned who Kyary was yesterday. ~D

Accept: Interesting -Jay

Accept:

 

@Pinkgothic, it wasn't meant to be...I know absolutely nothing about Patapon

Edit: I resubmitted it now, thanks for telling me about the double space, PG.

Edited December 15, 2013 by Hazel360

[DangerDragon]

Accept: ...is this a Patapon reference? If so, you're *awesome*. -pg

Accept: double space before "songwriting" ~PG

Accept: Hey I just learned who Kyary was yesterday. ~D

Accept: Interesting -Jay

Accept:

 

@Pinkgothic, it wasn't meant to be...I know absolutely nothing about Patapon

Edit: I resubmitted it now, thanks for telling me about the double space, PG.

I have seen this description. Its good.