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Dr. Paine

Description comments

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Well, the last thread for it died (as in no posts in over a month), here's hoping this one lives!

 

This is the place to share odd description comments, whether they have made you laugh or face palm.

 

Here's a story to kick things off-

 

I'm waiting for a description to be approved, for my Pygmy I eated your server.

 

His description:

This little Pygmy dragon has been shunned from nearby dragons for the most part, thanks to what they say his naming brought upon them. The human who collected these dragons thought it would be fun to name him 'I eated your server', but shortly after doing so, a simultaneous drought, famine and plague seemed to break out among every cave in the area, resulting in the loss of several dragons. Server tried convincing the human to change his name, as older dragons began to mutter about it inviting the wrath of some demon, but it was too late. Things cleared up after a while, but Server now has to stay in his own little cave. Despite this, he's a fairly cheery little dragon, and still tries to make friends with the others.

 

The comment?

 

Reject: Um... SCARY!

 

-shakes head- Whoever that is, I wonder why you even play a game with dragons.

 

I am so happy to see this thing survive so long- it actually got a wipe! xd.png Keep it up people!

Edited by Dr. Paine

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I went through and checked to look at some of my dragon's description comments and if there were any new ones.

 

Lorax was born with the unique ability to understand and speak with forests. According to her, the rustling of trees is their way of communicating. As a hatchling, no one believed her ramblings. One day, she cried out to her cavemates, in despair, that the trees of the forest were in pain and dying. But it fell on everyone's deaf ears.

It was not until a year later, that they noticed something was terribly wrong. Long before the dormancy of fall, leaves were discoloring and falling. Finally, turning to listen to the young Terrae, they heard her speak of creatures that the trees described as bearing logs, brimmed with a mysterious green water. Since then, the cave has been monitoring the health of their forest carefully through Lorax's amazing gift and has guarded from further of these creatures from entering.

 

* Accept: ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! another awesomio one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* Reject: Last sentence is mistyped, makes no sense. The critters hurting the wood are described in a way that also doesn't make sense. And how did the dragons help the wood? It's all very confusing.

* Accept: I love it! Very good! I like the story, you are a very good writer.

* Accept:

 

*Glares at Reject comment* I think that person just wanted to be difficult. The last sentence is NOT mistyped! How would it come across as such? The way I wrote it, you'd have to infer what the creatures are. Trees would probably describe things differently than we would, so you'd need to use some brainpower.

 

Yumberry's favorite place to be is in the gardens. This is not surprising considering her days are filled with escapades of snatching fruits and berries from Thanksgiving's Harvest's bushels, vineyards and orchards. After every excursion into the gardens, her jade hide becomes pocked with blues, purples and red stains.

The upbeat Ochre, however, does not appear to mind the little thief most of the time. She actually finds it rather amusing how Yumberry will hide herself in big bushes of foliage and creep around, carrying them with her every movement, just to snatch the crops as soon as Thanksgiving picks them.

 

* Accept: "blue, purple and red stains." No need to pluralize the colors. Very amusing description otherwise. A good read and made me smile.

* Accept:

* Accept:

 

True. Unless of course, I'm describing multiple shades of the same color. But, you do have a point. I'll rewrite that part to make more sense. And thanks for the comment and I'm glad it made you smile happy.gif

 

 

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Actually, I think they gave you some very good constructive criticism. They weren't being mean at all. Constructiveness makes all the difference. When I read it, I didn't even realize at first that you were talking about some kind of parasite. I thought you were describing the trees as being full of green water (photosynthesis) until I reread it after your comment.

 

And, really, that last sentence is confusing. I had to read it several times to get what you meant. I thought it was missing a word or something:

 

"Since then, the cave has been monitoring the health of their forest carefully through Lorax's amazing gift and has guarded from further of these creatures from entering."

 

All you need to do is drop either the first or second "from" and it would clear things up. So it would read like:

 

"Since then, the cave has been monitoring the health of their forest carefully through Lorax's amazing gift and has guarded from further of these creatures entering."

 

It may help clarify if you added "the trees" or "the woods" on the end, but if you're short on space, it's not necessary. Or maybe say "stopped these creatures" instead of "guarded from".

 

Just my few cents.

 

 

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Actually, I think they gave you some very good constructive criticism. They weren't being mean at all. Constructiveness makes all the difference. When I read it, I didn't even realize at first that you were talking about some kind of parasite. I thought you were describing the trees as being full of green water (photosynthesis) until I reread it after your comment.

 

And, really, that last sentence is confusing. I had to read it several times to get what you meant. I thought it was missing a word or something:

 

"Since then, the cave has been monitoring the health of their forest carefully through Lorax's amazing gift and has guarded from further of these creatures from entering."

 

All you need to do is drop either the first or second "from" and it would clear things up. So it would read like:

 

"Since then, the cave has been monitoring the health of their forest carefully through Lorax's amazing gift and has guarded from further of these creatures entering."

 

It may help clarify if you added "the trees" or "the woods" on the end, but if you're short on space, it's not necessary. Or maybe say "stopped these creatures" instead of "guarded from".

 

Just my few cents.

*Grumble* Fine. I'll go back and fix it. I still don't get how it's confusing. I think it probably deals with different writing styles, as it makes perfect sense to me.

 

It's not a parasite that the creatures (humans) are bringing, but barrels of radioactive waste. Or something along those lines. I have no other way of describing it from a tree's standpoint... sleep.gif''

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Oh yikes. Yeah, I didn't get that at all. Perhaps rather than trying to describe it from the trees' viewpoints, you could just describe it from the dragons' viewpoints. Or just flat-out say it.

 

I didn't get that the "creatures" were humans, either. Using the word "creatures" is what made me think it was a parasite. I think you're trying to be a bit too subtle here. Perhaps saying it more plainly might clear that up.

Edited by Ahavah

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Oh yikes. Yeah, I didn't get that at all. Perhaps rather than trying to describe it from the trees' viewpoints, you could just describe it from the dragons' viewpoints. Or just flat-out say it.

 

I didn't get that the "creatures" were humans, either. Using the word "creatures" is what made me think it was a parasite. I think you're trying to be a bit too subtle here. Perhaps saying it more plainly might clear that up.

That's just the way I roll. I won't be blunt about it, because I want to make the reader really think about what's happening in the description. Having the dragon reword it would take away from the enigmatic tone.

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Frankly, even when I thought about it, I still thought of the "logs with green water" as containers with living things (kudzu, parasites, algae..). Keep in mind that what is very clear to you, may not be clear at all to a majority of your readers. Radioactive material is stereotypically neon green - adding that word in would clarify.

 

(Agreed on the "from" comment; I would use "guarded against further of these creatures entering".)

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That, and logs and barrels would not, to a tree, look much alike. That'd be like saying a rotting corpse and a poorly-made mannequin are the same to a human. Except maybe shape (and even then, we're looking at really uniform logs), the two don't have much in common. Different texture, totally different sound, smell, and internal systems. "tubes" or "cyllinders" would be much more accurate, and a little bit more revealing -- it adds a level of artificialness (which the trees would probably notice, if they have the perceptive abilities to open up tightly-sealed containers and have a looksee), which hints more strongly at humans.

 

Also, and I hate to bring this up... Isn't this a medieval setting, and thus somewhat lacking in toxic waste?

 

As for the "Well, it's perfectly clear if you think about the implication!" ...It's clear to you. I overthink it entirely and lose it, as shown above, most people's thinking goes in an entirely different direction. We need better guideposts if you want to lead us to where you want us to go. I go through this every time I'm at a workshop, and in fact, the first question I ask when asking someone to look something over for me is "does everything make sense to you? Anything you need me to spell out?" And yes, it ruins some, in my opinion, absolutely beautiful bits of subtlety. But such is writing.

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I think the Lorax description works perfectly as written. I would not get hung up on barrels vs logs, and who's to say the toxic waste is not a byproduct of magical/alchemical work?

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I got the absolutely strangest reject on one of my frozen hatchling's descriptions today.

 

Reject: more goo goooi have a freind soo more!

 

I'm not even irritated or annoyed, I'm just...confused. I have absolutely no idea about what this message is even trying to say. It's almost funny. I can almost make a coherent idea out of the first part, and almost a coherent idea from the last if I squint... But together, it doesn't work at all. It's like looking at some sort of horrible mutant.

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Accept: Wow...just wow. I can't wait to hear more about Hilltop Mews.

 

Whoever that was, I'm totally flattered! Thanks! (and lots of my other dragons have descriptions, most of them saying something about Hilltop's!)

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Reject: more goo goooi have a freind soo more!

xd.png

 

My newer resubmits (for edits) have comments, finally:

Fated was always fated to become an also-ran. Never quite the dragon prophecies called for, never quite the member her clan demanded, never quite the height her parentage suggested, she can only watch others surpass her in everything that should be hers by destiny.

She excels in only one area - frightening fellow forever-young hatchlings with her magical creations. Although unable to produce the arcane attacks typical to her breed, Fated is gifted with illusions. Her inability to reach the usual greatness of fate-touched dragons has given her a twisted mind for inspiration. All the smoke and mirrors demonstrate the illusion she must have of herself: second (or nowhere near) best in her other aspirations, she must pretend to power to keep her sanity.

Her creations are often even more disturbing than those of The Nostalgia for Infinity, another of Kad's clan dragons, but she doesn't have Infinity's aura. She can only steal away Infinity's sanity, steal her talents...

* Accept: Excellent.

* Abstain: I feel so sorry for her

* Accept:

* Accept: sad but beautiful

 

Visitors looking for the silver China usually see this sign instead: "Out. Come back when you're going to take me seriously. Give that do-gooder Xae a whack for me."

It's only in their best interests that they inevitably leave disappointed.

China's calm, haughty demeanor conceals a mind seething with discontent. Clan healer Vysilk has never seen a dragon crowded with more personas fighting for supremacy within her head. Her multiple personalities include Bureaucria, in control of her outer appearance and most of the internal functions; Tibia, resentful, rebellious, and the most fascinating to outsiders; Commonia, uncouth and sullen to outsiders but submissive to Bureaucria; Exotica, continually harping on about the past but ignoring the present mess in China's alcove; and half a dozen other mind-creations.

Kad's dragon clan even has a representative persona, Wairenia. Vys thinks it too weak to wrest complete control over China but guesses it's quite a troublemaker inside.

* Accept: Brilliant =)

* Accept: Great description!

Edited by kadoatie

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Wrote this for my paper, Paper lantern.

 

Lantern is a peculiar piece of paper. After its enchantment by a very eccentric magician, it decided it did not like being alive, and promptly ran away.

After being caught in a rainstorm or two and almost tearing to shreads, it ended up being found by Kaini, an intrepid dragon tamer. She took pity on the little parchment, and took it to live with her and her clan of dragons. Lantern has since adapted to being alive, and living happily with the others. It enjoys showing off by drifting on the wind endlessly.

 

Accept: Outstanding description -- Love it!!

 

 

I'm flattered wub.gif

 

Took me long enough to spell some of those harder words haha tongue.gif

Edited by Kaini

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* Accept: "blue, purple and red stains." No need to pluralize the colors. Very amusing description otherwise. A good read and made me smile.

    * Accept:

    * Accept:

 

True. Unless of course, I'm describing multiple shades of the same color. But, you do have a point. I'll rewrite that part to make more sense. And thanks for the comment and I'm glad it made you smile happy.gif

Oh hey, I remember typing that. Glad it helped. I always try to offer something to help whatever description I'm reviewing.

Btw, I looked the dragon up again and I like how you fixed it. Much more clear.

 

Matilda absolutely adores thunderstorms. She'll give chase to something or someone, freezing at each lightning flash so she looks like a malevolent, moving statue. These chases tend to end more towards her target being scared out of their wits than their being caught; she finds it more amusing to chase them than to actually catch them.
* Accept:

* Accept: sadist

 

Heh, I guess she is a little sadistic!

 

During daylight hours when he's idle, Conall Hoki is almost always seen at a nearby cathedral, either perched with the gargoyles on the roof, or standing as a guardian at the cemetery. He's never told anyone why, but it's rumored among the group that he fancies himself something of a silent protector, using only his statuesque appearance in intimidating poses to ward off evils.

No one has yet seen where he goes off to during the night.

* Accept:

* Accept: True to his breed but still sets how he is. Flows nicely as well.

 

Hey! Thanks for pointing out the strength in the description rather than just saying how you like it. smile.gif

That helps me identify what I can use to strengthen other, weaker descriptions.

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*bump*

 

Tidj was at first rather upset with her name, complaining "I'm not a frog!" However, after learning that Dendrobates simply meant "tree walker," she calmed down and conceded that it was appropriate. However, this led to some jokes being passed around; sometimes Karbyn or another joker will refer to her as "Froggirl," "Toady," "Wartface," "Tidj Frogtree," or other such names in jest, to which she gives them a cold, hard stare, which is usually enough to quit it. Karbyn thinks she's just not warmed up to the joke.

* Accept:

* Abstain: get her a mate that will stomp the bullies ad it onto your discription and THEN i will approve.

 

Ahaha! That's great. I'll have to think about that one! laugh.gif

It's more playful teasing than bullying...hrm, Maybe I need to make that more clear?

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Pegasus is one of the older and wiser birds in the family. She came from the first batch of chickens that arrived on the farm and was quickly dubbed 'Pegasus' because of her striking white wings and her ability to evade capture from her owner by flying up on top of the barn. In her earlier years, she was a nasty bird that picked on everyone, but as time went on she became more relaxed and unconcerned about the pecking order. Pegasus is best known as the 'movie star chicken', since she had a small part in a play that her owner was in. Though no one remembers the flighty bird from down the street, everyone remembers the time in the Christmas play when a girl pulled out a frantic chicken out of her costume when the true love offered three French hens to the audience.

 

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept: Love your story! =)

 

I enjoy all of my descriptions, but I've always held the descriptions for my chickens in a special regard becase all of them are based on my now-deceased pet chickens from when I was little. So when someone comments on them, no matter how small, I get the warm fuzzies. smile.gif <3

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... did this get another wipe?

 

Anyway, I recently wrote one for a Shallow Water male named and Zoidberg.

 

"Hooray, Zoidberg is here!"

A clumsy, awkward dragon, Zoidberg is often overlooked or our outright ignored by other dragons. When his siblings speak of him (when they remember he exists, anyway), they always seem to phrase it with '... and Zoidberg.' He does his best to get noticed- for several years, he learned healing arts from a rather demented White dragon, eventually proclaiming himself a doctor... except, he had absolutely no idea how to do anything, and in fact will usually cause more harm to his patients.

So next time you go to a certain lagoon, make sure to look out for Headcrab Zombie in the Water, Mesmer, SA-X... and Zoidberg."

 

Accept: Whoop Whoop Whoop tongue.gif love it!

 

Hooray, someone got it!

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I am mildly annoyed about this one:

 

SottoMarino is afraid of the dark. This is not good for someone who has to live in the deepest depths. He searches for vitamin enriched debris to eat that will enhance the power of his bioluminescence; this does attract prey and means that the antisocial Sottomare is slightly and grudgingly glad of his presence. He  appreciates that, as it means there is often someone close by when he has a fit of the heebie-jeebies.

But he so wishes he had been born a water-walker. He tries to divert himself from his fears by reading anything that floats to the sea floor - it is surprising how well some books survive, and he has almost read the whole of the Book of Days now. He also read part of Macbeth, but several critical pages were missing, and he lives in hope of them showing up some day, so that he can find out just what did happen to the witches.

 

I have two accepts

 

# Accept: Very original and well written!

# Accept:

 

- and a

 

Reject: Bad spelling work on it.

 

Except that it is UK spelling - what the *** ?

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... did this get another wipe?

 

Anyway, I recently wrote one for a Shallow Water male named and Zoidberg.

 

 

 

Accept: Whoop Whoop Whoop tongue.gif love it!

 

Hooray, someone got it!

Hey I get it. *Futurama fan*

 

 

Some of the stuff people put in their comment descriptions is funny and wtf at the same time though. I remember one time seeing.

 

Reject: OMG, WTF, IT EATS THOSE POOR DRAGGIE EGGIES?!!??!?

 

^ made my day though. laugh.gif

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Here's eggs for hungry dragons doesn't believe that dragons could hurt

her as long as she produces eggs for them. She usually stays with white dragons, because they are similar to chickens with their feathered wings. They have also

proven that dragons don't always have to kill to eat. Here's eggs for hungry

dragons has become a little blind to the dangers of dragons.

 

Accept: Like!

 

 

:3 my first description ever. I tried at least ^^

Just wondering when this will show up in its page.

Edited by Bamboomonkey

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What in the name of magical cheese...

 

5E, along with his mate Gold'nscale, owns a hot spring far from the cave of Emerald's dragons. Lots of dragons come and go, but the only permanent residents are Moo Moo Mozzy and some Shallow Water dragons, who he affectionately calls goldfish. 5E is responsible for finding blockages and pollution, and reports anything he finds to Gold'nscale.

 

Reject: You can't run a business when you don't have opposable thumbs...or arms. Unrealistic, but well-written.

 

I got some accepts as well, but seriously... WHO SAYS? xd.png

 

Anyway, Gold'nscale is helping him.

 

And I had to resend two of my descriptions due to stupid errors from typing late at night...wish I had saved the silly things the comments said.

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The description of my split dragon:

 

The love story of Draco bicepitis Inbred Two-Head and his mate, Draco Litus Eryx, is a strange one.  It was a case of mistaken identity when each was looking for a mate.  Their similar coloring caused them to fly straight into one another, each thinking they'd found 'The One' they wanted to spend their eternity with, but when they realized they were of different breeds, their hearts were broken.  They could not produce hatchlings of their own, so they felt their love was doomed.  But it has not stopped them from spending time flying alongside one another or hunting for fish and game and leaving presents of their catches in each other's nests.  The other dragons of the scroll have accepted them as mates and they are dedicated to the care of the frozen orphan hatchlings on the scroll.

 

The ONE comment I received:

 

Reject: This description is not so Good...

 

Okay, never mind that I did forget to capitalize the 'B' in his name. I can fix that. (His mate has the same description, btw.)

 

What bothers me is not that the reviewer says it's "not so Good...", it's the fact they don't tell me why. I'd love to know, so I can fix it or rewrite it so that it is so Good (why are they capitalizing the 'g' in good?).

 

 

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The fact that this person doesn't even know whether to capitalize "good" is an indicator their comment is bs. I don't see anything - whether major issues or minor mechanics - to change in your description smile.gif

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The description: This lovely lady and her husband have been banned from just about every human establishment they've wandered through, simply because they are TOO IN LOVE. All the romantic daydreams they share trickle down to those below, and cause a great deal of chaos amongst whoever they affect. But that isn't to say that everyone finds them to be an annoyance: couples will often pay the pair with shiny objects to float over them while they go on a date, upping the romantic feelings and making the evening all the more enjoyable.

 

 

The comment: Reject: Dragons can't be in love

 

I lose a little more faith in humanity every day.

Edited by angelicdragonpuppy

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Man, it really sounds like we have a troll reviewer. Dragons are fictional, and descriptions are awesome works of fiction, so I think this cat is just baiting folks.

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