Description comments

[Emerald_Shadowclaw]

 

Well, with the first one, there's a few grammar issues. "Constitutes" is awkward there; I think you meant "consists"? And with the "It was her..." sentence, it should actually be "she," not "her" ("It was she who was responsible...")

 

That's no reason to reject it, though (especially without saying why! ). I think it's a great description!

Resent Black Mallow's, and...

 

User Comments

 

    * Accept: Owaaaa, how feirce! I like it.

 

Thanks whoever wrote that

[dragongrrl]

I get the feeling there must be someone who likes to just run through, clicking reject, without paying any attention to what they are reading.

 

I do reject some (maybe a lot?) of pieces, that really need more work, have seriously grammar or spelling problems, no details, etc., but also reject some that are almost there, generally needing some grammar adjustments. A lot of people seem to be missing the subject-verb agreement, or a using long series of dependent clauses without ever forming an actual sentence, but I try to let the writer know what the problem is, rather than leaving a blank reject. (And in case you haven't guessed, I am a fan of the complex-compound sentence!) There are many good ideas that just need a solid rewrite.

[Danne]

I do reject some (maybe a lot?) of pieces, that really need more work, have seriously grammar or spelling problems, no details, etc., but also reject some that are almost there, generally needing some grammar adjustments.  A lot of people seem to be missing the subject-verb agreement, or a using long series of dependent clauses without ever forming an actual sentence, but I try to let the writer know what the problem is, rather than leaving a blank reject.  (And in case you haven't guessed, I am a fan of the complex-compound sentence!)  There are many good ideas that just need a solid rewrite.

Now see, if I see something that's good, but has a few problems, I accept it but leave the corrections in the comment. (If you get one that has "[misspelled word]" -> "[correction]" in it, that's probably me. ) If there are a lot of grammar problems, but the content is still good, I usually abstain (and leave suggestions in the comments). It's only the ones that are terrible, or have poor content ("This was my first dragon!!!1!!1!") that I reject. It seems too harsh a response for something that's good, even if it can use a bit of improvement.

 

Edit for spelling fail!

Edited November 20, 2010 by Danne

[dragongrrl]

Now see, if I see something that's good, but has a few problems, I accept it but leave the corrections in the comment.  (If you get one that has "[misspelled word]" -> "[correction]" in it, that's probably me. )  If there are a lot of grammar problems, but the content is still good, I usually abstain (and leave suggestions in the comments).  It's only the ones that are terrible, or have poor comment ("This was my first dragon!!!1!!1!") that I reject.  It seems too harsh a response for something that's good, even if it can use a bit of improvement.

My Rejects usually do need major work, even if the ideas are good. A reject with a comment about very good ideas may be me. I will Accept with one or two fixes, noted in comments and, in the last few days, have started using the Abstain in the way you describe. You're right, reject does feel too harsh for some of the stories that still need grammar and spelling work.

 

And then there are those pieces that are a delight to read, good to go just as they are written!

[Mathcat]

Here's another batch of comments.

 

Legend tells of a distant mountain where those who dare may consult with one of three mighty elemental dragons - for a price.  Legend, however, is less than a decade old, concocted as a way to swindle gullible humans.  The mountain and the dragons are real, but the advice is meaningless, dreamed up by the magi dragons responsible for the scheme.  Stories have a way of becoming reality, though, and lately even the most outlandish prophecies have been coming true.

At first, Uniora seems like an unlikely member of Mystical Mountain.  She's quiet and retiring, refusing to tell fortunes or even participate much in the scam.  When Uniora does contribute something, though, her suggestions make even Agarnca shudder, but are delivered in the same soft, calm mental voice she always uses.

 

* Accept: This is as good as the discriptions of the other dragons of Mystical Mountain.

 

(Always interesting when a commenter has read others of mine).

 

Morovek is an unusually innocent vampire, seemingly incapable of harming another creature and baffled by the thought of biting helpless eggs.  He acts more like an overgrown hatchling than an adult dragon, and is full of a childlike curiosity and sense of wonder.  Many a traveler has awakened with a start to find Morovek standing over them, only to find him more interested in asking questions than in attacking.

 

Accept: Aw, how cute for a vampire! :3

 

(Cute? I guess).

 

While stranded on Dragonhaven Island due to a bad tropical storm, Quelhana befriended the frill dragon Arokla, and was touched by her sad story.  Determined to find a way to reverse the sterility plague (and perhaps find other frill survivors in the process), Quelhana joined the Seekers, and travels with them searching for answers.  She's had no luck so far, but refuses to give up hope, believing that the next weyr will hold the cure she seeks.

 

Accept: sounds like you got a story going here...is intriged

 

(Yes, but unfortunately it's not hers - or Arokla's).

 

Legend tells of a distant mountain where those who dare may consult with one of three mighty elemental dragons - for a price.  Legend, however, is less than a decade old, concocted as a way to swindle gullible humans.  The mountain and the dragons are real, but the advice is meaningless, dreamed up by the magi dragons responsible for the scheme.  Stories have a way of becoming reality, though, and lately even the most outlandish prophecies have been coming true.

Xerad loves putting on a show, which is quite fortunate, considering how often he has to fill in for notional Enli.  With a few simple illusions, he makes quite a convincing thunder dragon, and there's been talk of replacing Enli permanently with him.  When not performing, Xerad dedicates his time to getting Uniora to become more social, but has had little success so far.

 

Accept: Woah. Now that's a great description. I wish I could approve this twice.

 

(Thanks. Lots more where that came from).

Edited November 24, 2010 by Mathcat

[Draco Knight]

Slender Man prefers to lurk in wooded areas, especially around rivers. This dragon cares nothing for interactions with other dragons and has no desire for a mate. Some dragons, when they get enough courage to speak of Slender Man aloud, agree he must have no true emotions. Slender Man seems to enjoy only one thing: scaring humans. Once you look upon Slender Man, he knows you. He only preys on a single human at a time, and will spend months slowly cultivating the terror and fear of his victim. He begins as nothing more than a shadow as you fall asleep, a tiny noise that is easily dismissed, and little by little -- bit by bit -- drives his victim to the brink of sanity.

 

Accept: *can't remember first part* SLENDY IS HAUNTING ME HELP!

 

Edit: It was the only reply I got.

Edited November 25, 2010 by Draco Knight

[Unscrupulous Dragon Trainer]

undead hatchling description

This poor little hatchling lost his life at the hands of an unscrupulous dragon trainer set on performing unspeakable experiments.  Fortunately for him, after the terrible ordeal was over Carmilla and Varney were more than willing to give him a stable, if unconventional, home.  Now he has a fairly happy unlife with the vampires des Justes, and spends his nights playing with them and his days bedeviling the white dragon Vivienne. When he's not busy being dead, that is.

 

* Accept:

* Abstain: this is sad, but i don't know what to say.

* Accept: funny!

 

Um... it's an undead hatchling, there's going to be something sad about it. Glad your buddy sees the dark humor...

[Pinkie]

I've had two today with the same, stupid comment that explains nothing whatsoever. Which is odd because the one I've come to really love even though it took me a minute to pull her description together. The comment makes me think that whoever it is didn't even bother reading the descriptions, just branded them as long and said "I refuse to even read the first line." *fumes*

 

Sierra can never sit still or go long without cracking a joke no matter how dire the situation. She pretends not to take life seriously, like she hasn't a care in the world. But its all just a beautiful lie; one she is bent on never facing.

You'd never guess from that funny exterior that she was kidnapped by the Creorluna Clan and experimented on. She is marked by same bright blue eyes that Taint has and along with his curse. Every so often, magic possesses her body and she blacks out. When she wakes, she often finds herself surrounded by of blood and destruction and she has no idea how it all happened. It was in such a state she woke one day. She was lying, covered in soot, in a crater seventy feet wide. The area was absolutely devastated; trees leveled and blood everywhere. Along with two bodies. She was set into horrible tremors upon seeing them, knowing that she may or may not have accidentally killed her own mother and sister.

She came to the clans with only one desire: to forget.

 

Abstain: Kinda long, but I don't think it's approvable or rejectable.

Accept:

 

Cheesypotato's name is a sick joke, meant to relieve pressure during these dark times. See, Cheesy freaks every time someone says the word potato. If you've never seen a blob of dragon-shaped cheese running away screaming about demonic potatoes, add it to your bucket list. For it is one hilarious sight to behold.

Other dragons don't really know why Cheesy acts so strongly to the word. They believe he was traumatized from the time when crazy Hyph chased him around screaming "I like carrots and sometimes potatoes!" for three weeks. If only the knew

When Cheesy was a hatchling, a peasant caught him in a bear-trap. He was understandably very excited, as having Cheesy meant he had an unlimited supply of cheese.

Every day, he'd go to Cheesy, saying  "Sorry little one, potato time" and chop a piece of cheese off the small hatchling and melt it over potatoes for his family to eat.

This continued for almost two and a half years before Cheesy was located and rescued by his old clan.

 

Abstain: Kinda long, but I don't think it's approvable or rejectable.

Accept:

 

So anyone care to enlighten me about what whoever was talking about? Length is my own decision and I've had ones confirmed before that are cut off at the end, but these I've made sure to keep bellow 1k characters. I also had the same comment on one that I already had confirmed, but I like her a lot and noticed there were a few spelling/grammar mistakes.

Edited November 26, 2010 by Pinkie

[dragongrrl]

I've had two today with the same, stupid comment that explains nothing whatsoever. Which is odd because the one I've come to really love even though it took me a minute to pull her description together. The comment makes me think that whoever it is didn't even bother reading the descriptions, just branded them as long and said "I refuse to even read the first line." *fumes*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So anyone care to enlighten me about what whoever was talking about? Length is my own decision and I've had ones confirmed before that are cut off at the end, but these I've made sure to keep bellow 1k characters. I also had the same comment on one that I already had confirmed, but I like her a lot and noticed there were a few spelling/grammar mistakes.

Personally, I prefer longer descriptions, and these would both get approves from me. My own preference would be to change the semi-colons for commas and the colon for a dash or an ellipsis in Sierra's description, but apart from that very minor preference, these both look great to me. Unfortunately, it seems some people just use the reviews to make smart aleck comments.

 

My descriptions tend to run up to the limit, too!

[Rally Vincent]

I've had two today with the same, stupid comment that explains nothing whatsoever. Which is odd because the one I've come to really love even though it took me a minute to pull her description together. The comment makes me think that whoever it is didn't even bother reading the descriptions, just branded them as long and said "I refuse to even read the first line." *fumes*

 

So anyone care to enlighten me about what whoever was talking about? Length is my own decision and I've had ones confirmed before that are cut off at the end, but these I've made sure to keep bellow 1k characters. I also had the same comment on one that I already had confirmed, but I like her a lot and noticed there were a few spelling/grammar mistakes.

I got comments like that on two or three descriptions. I repeatedly land somewhere on 950 - 990 characters after I cut down enough (tee-hee), and often enough 1.000 characters are not enough to write down what I wanted to. I always seem to come down one sentence short. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with long descriptions (on the contrary IMO). This is not Twitter.

 

On Sierra's description, there should be an "it's" or "it is" instead of the "its" in the second sentence. I think the semicolons are fine, but I'd add a comma after "destruction".

 

On Cheesypotato's description, there seems to be a full stop missing at "If only they knew."

[Pinkie]

I got comments like that on two or three descriptions. I repeatedly land somewhere on 950 - 990 characters after I cut down enough (tee-hee), and often enough 1.000 characters are not enough to write down what I wanted to. I always seem to come down one sentence short. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with long descriptions (on the contrary IMO). This is not Twitter.

 

On Sierra's description, there should be an "it's" or "it is" instead of the "its" in the second sentence. I think the semicolons are fine, but I'd add a comma after "destruction".

 

On Cheesypotato's description, there seems to be a full stop missing at "If only they knew."

Thanks for the help on the edits both of you. Yeah, I have a mild obsession with semi colon. Use um too much and I know it.

[Ahavah]

I am a huge fan of semicolons, but I have to agree with dragongrrl on this one. For a semicolon to be used properly, the portions on both sides of it need to work as stand-alone sentences. Semicolons can take the place of periods, but they do not take the place of commas.

 

It works in the first instance, sort of. Maybe. It seems like a dash would definitely work better here. The second instance definitely needs a dash or comma (or maybe change it to the word "with"). If you really wanted a semicolon, it should be changed to something like "The area was absolutely devastated; there were trees leveled and blood everywhere." (Because "Trees leveled and blood everywhere" would not stand as a complete sentence by itself.)

 

As for poor Cheesy, I thought it was a cute description. I'm not sure why someone would say it's not acceptable or rejectable. Same with Sierra's. I think it's just someone putting the same blanket comment/abstain on all of them, which makes no sense at all. Why bother voting at all, if that's the case? If it's our resident description troll, their work has turned subpar.

 

I also prefer longer descriptions. When they are funny or tell a good story, so much the better!

[Rally Vincent]

While "Trees leveled and blood everywhere" would not stand alone in terms of perfect grammar, incomplete sentences like that are not uncommon to be used as stylistic element when describing things. I think it's fine to use a semi colon. It's probably a matter of preference.

[Ahavah]

Guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. Improper grammar as a "stylistic" choice is a big peeve of mine. It rarely works. Guess I can blame that particular peeve on lame fanfics. Unless it's a stream of consciousness or first person POV where someone actually thinks in fragments, basic rules of grammar should be adhered to (especially when someone asks for concrit on how to improve).

[Rally Vincent]

Right, lets leave it at that. I admit that you have a good point with what you wrote in the brackets, though.

[Danne]

I'm going to way in with Ahavah here. I'm a huge fan of sentence fragments as a stylistic choice, but only if you know what you're doing. Also, a semi-colon should only be used* if both sides of the sentence are complete**. The fact that a tasteful sentence fragment can be used to spice up one's writing doesn't mean that it's complete; it is, by definition, a fragment, and therefore is incomplete.

 

*There are actually other uses, but let's not get into them. They don't apply here.

**Which is most instances does indeed merely mean "it can stand alone," but since we're talking sentence fragments let's get a bit more technical.

Edited November 27, 2010 by Danne

[Awdz]

Can anyone explain this one to me? Why would it have been rejected??

Edit to note: Foodancer is a male Flamingo Wyvern.

 

Description Status: Rejected

 

Description:

Foodancer believes that he can summon food by performing a whirling dance in shallow water. In fact, his kicking up the muddy sand and splashing about disrupts the flora and fauna, causing it to swirl up to the surface of the water. Foodancer eats up the food he sees as he dances. Between the exercise and good meals, he is a well-fed and quite fit wyvern.

 

User Comments

•Accept:

•Accept: Good

•Accept:

 

Edited November 28, 2010 by Awdz Bodkins

[RMMC]

I'm going to way in with Ahavah here. I'm a huge fan of sentence fragments as a stylistic choice, but only if you know what you're doing. Also, a semi-colon should only be used* if both sides of the sentence are complete**. The fact that a tasteful sentence fragment can be used to spice up one's writing doesn't mean that it's complete; it is, by definition, a fragment, and therefore is incomplete.

 

*There are actually other uses, but let's not get into them. They don't apply here.

**Which is most instances does indeed merely mean "it can stand alone," but since we're talking sentence fragments let's get a bit more technical.

And we also need to mention that you use either a semi-colon or a conjunction, but not both.

 

I've recently run across a sentence with a semi-colon followed immediately by the word 'and.'

[Pinkie]

Can anyone explain this one to me? Why would it have been rejected??

Edit to note: Foodancer is a male Flamingo Wyvern.

 

Hmm...I wonder why it was rejected by the mods. I mean, I was only skimming it for a reason and didn't see anything that screamed "WRONG!" I mean, I've written approved ones that have been much more ooc for the dragon type than that one.

 

Speaking of which, could someone please explain to me why so many of the description reviewers don't seem to have any imagination. I'm trying make sure Angel's description is perfect and reapproved pretty soon, so I reposted hers today and here's the comments I got:

 

Angel was discovered wandering with Tesky in the forest one day, her smooth blue scales caked with blood.

She has no memory of how she got this way, nor did she really know who Tesky is. Tesky, ever silent, has made no comment on this matter. But it's no mystery. The small, half-moon crest carved into both of their bodies tells the whole story. Cruorluna is getting stronger.

Versace, a reformed ex-member of the malicious group, confirmed her injuries and memory loss to be their work. He's grown strangely attached to Angel, scarcely daring to leave her side, much to Tesky's dismay. It borders upon obsession, but his attentions are not unwanted.

Angel herself has a rather gentle persona. Whenever she is around almost anyone, once flaring emotions cool. Perhaps this was part of the attraction along with her connection to Cruorluna and his past which so infatuates Ace.

 

Approve:

Abstain: You used a lot of names. I don't know who those are. You should cut down on the names. This definitely (with an I, not an A) needs work.

 

.....

 

Sorry, but what the love? Could you possibly possibly infer a little? All of those names I mentioned? They are all the names of the dragons/clans they belong to. You don't know them because their descriptions were confirmed about two months ago.....

 

Tesky=A neotropical whose description tells the rest of Angel and another dragon, Alabi's, story.

 

Versace "Ace" =Angel's mate and the father of Alabi.

 

Creorluna=Evil clan who's been tormenting the other clans.

 

Wait a minute...That's only three other names...how the heck is that confusing?

[Obscure_Trash]

Can anyone explain this one to me? Why would it have been rejected??

Edit to note: Foodancer is a male Flamingo Wyvern.

 

No idea. If you submit it again, I can approve it. o3o

[Nadat]

Sorry, but what the love? Could you possibly possibly infer a little? All of those names I mentioned? They are all the names of the dragons/clans they belong to. You don't know them because their descriptions were confirmed about two months ago.....

 

Tesky=A neotropical whose description tells the rest of Angel and another dragon, Alabi's, story.

 

Versace "Ace" =Angel's mate and the father of Alabi.

 

Creorluna=Evil clan who's been tormenting the other clans.

 

Wait a minute...That's only three other names...how the heck is that confusing?

There's inference, but there's also leaving a lot out. I would abstain as well from this, because while it's got proper grammar and punctuation, it doesn't flow or make sense on its own. A reader has no idea that Tesky isn't the owner, that Ace is Versace, that Creorluna is a thing instead of another dragon, and that the malicious group is Creorluna.

 

Your description is all the reviewer sees. Take a step back from it and try to see it from the viewpoint of someone only seeing what you've got there.

[Awdz]

No idea. If you submit it again, I can approve it. o3o

Thank you, I've resubmitted it. I was wondering what I had missed; I'll assume it was a misclick since there was nothing to indicate why it was rejected. I appreciate the time folks took to review it for me!

 

Pinkie - on your description, I'd probably click approve since someone reading your dragon description is likely to be reading all of them from your scroll. However, I do agree with Nadat that it makes very little sense independent of the other descriptions on your scroll. It is more clear to explain relationships in each individual description.

Edited November 29, 2010 by Awdz Bodkins

[Danne]

@Pinkie: You also need to watch your verb/tense agreement. For example, "...nor did she really know who Tesky is" -- "did" is in past tense but "is" is in present. I would say "nor did she know who Tesky was." You should give it a good read through or submit it to the Proofreading thread to clean it up.

 

[/grammar nerd]

Edited November 30, 2010 by Danne

[Pinkie]

Pinkie - on your description, I'd probably click approve since someone reading your dragon description is likely to be reading all of them from your scroll. However, I do agree with Nadat that it makes very little sense independent of the other descriptions on your scroll. It is more clear to explain relationships in each individual description.

Yeah, I went ahead and fixed it just to clear things up a little. Too bad there isn't a way to make little changes. I was reading through a few of my descriptions and there's just little mistakes that drive me nuts. Few of them have been described for quite some time now, back so little people really used the feature or maybe they were just all getting their ideas together, but either way I got them confirmed the same day I wrote them...

 

@Danne Not quite sure about that one, maybe I'm making some general tense mistakes to begin with. I'll look hers over again. She's a pretty big part of the little story I came up with, so I spose I don't want have hers be bad at all. She'll probably pop up a few more times, since I seem to be fond of toturing characters I like...Rotfl.

[Teez]

One of my mints, Gonna Walk All Over You:

Gonna Walk All Over You likes her name, but prefers to be called "Boot" or "Miss Boot" for short. Although she's still fairly peaceful, she's not as shy as the other Mint dragons she knows, and will always speak her mind.

Oddly enough, when no one else is watching, she likes to sing and dance -- well, as much as a dragon can. Her favorite song goes a little like this: "Miss Boot was made for walking, and that's just what she'll do! One of these days, Miss Boot is gonna walk all over you."

 

User Comments

* Accept: *chuckles at the song*

* Accept:

* Reject:

* Accept:

* Accept:

 

I'm glad someone seems to have gotten the reference. I wonder why one reviewer rejected it, though?