Description comments

[Mageziya]

The description: This lovely lady and her husband have been banned from just about every human establishment they've wandered through, simply because they are TOO IN LOVE. All the romantic daydreams they share trickle down to those below, and cause a great deal of chaos amongst whoever they affect. But that isn't to say that everyone finds them to be an annoyance: couples will often pay the pair with shiny objects to float over them while they go on a date, upping the romantic feelings and making the evening all the more enjoyable.

 

 

The comment: Reject: Dragons can't be in love

 

I lose a little more faith in humanity every day.

The comment is BFS, also I just decided to review descriptions right now and the first description I got was, well, the one you posted!

[Lolchen]

The description:

A frozen hatchling whose life meaning is to have fun, Funaloon chose to be frozen in time to always be able to have fun. She believes that dragons, once they grow up into adulthood, loose all sense of humour and aren't fun to hang out with anymore. Thus she can only be found around the hatchlings of the cave, playing anything from Drop the Stone to I spy. There's only one game she dislikes, and that is racing. Since she is a balloon dragon, she can just float and is not very fast, either. Hence she lost all interest in any games circled around flying fast or with agility.

Her best friends are the guardian hatchlings because they tend to freeze up and not move as much as the other hatchlings. Also, they don't make fun of her, either, which is another plus in her books. While Funaloon likes having fun with others, she detests bullying the ones weaker than yourself for the fun of it. It just isn't her kind of fun.

 

The comment:

Reject: Overuse of the word fun

 

Now, first thing I want to state is: I'm not mad. In any way. Actually, this comment kinda made my day. I had much fun thinking about this one. And I even counted the 'fun's in the desc, just to notice I forgot to put in a 'funny'! So now I owe this reviewer, too. BTW, there are 7 'fun's plus 2 (the ones in her name).

 

So, I had a few funny thoughts due to this comment, and like to thank whoever you are. And yes, there's a lot of fun in there. I did that on purpose. Maybe it's due to my humour being rather strange and abstract (especially lately - I've got Little Kuriboh's abridged series to blame, though!). But to appease you, I took one of the 'fun's at the end out... and added a 'funny' *whispers*

 

A note for any mod who might stumble across this and my description: Repetition is a common linguistic device often used in... well, about every medium. So please don't reject it because of that!

 

 

Edit: Got a new one! Thanks to whomever it was!

Accept: Cute. It was a fun description to read.

Edited August 21, 2010 by Lolchen

[Dr. Paine]

More for Zoidberg:

 

[quote * Accept: Lol, Futurama

* Accept:

* Accept: umm weird but you must be a first timer so i will approve at least yours has words unlike that one discription...

 

To the last one: I've been doing weird descriptions for a long time. ... what's wrong with being weird? D:

[Awdz]

Anyone know why the following description for a coastal waverunner frozen hatchling would get "Reject" without any reason given? I've not gotten any other comments or judgements on it after several days.

This hatchling was playing on the beach one day when a passing seagull lost a feather which fluttered down to land on his nose.  Tickled by it, he snorted, and the feather blew up into the air and fluttered down to him again.  He was fascinated by its slower descent, and now spends hours playing with any feathers he chances across.

Edited September 2, 2010 by Awdz Bodkins

[Awdz]

Here's a question: should I resubmit this description as is because I disagree with the suggested changes or just leave it with the existing comment?

Description:

Paullie has a very rich diet, to the point where she takes her good food for granted. Once she came across a nearly tasteless cracker that had been dropped at the edge of her feeding grounds; its different texture and lack of taste struck her fancy. Thus, although she has plenty to eat of healthier food, Paullie wants a cracker.

 

User Comments

•Accept: Feeding ground(no plural required), you dont need "nearly", and the last sentence is awkward. But the desc is cute. Fix it!

I assume Paullie eats in more than one location, thus plural for grounds is fine; "nearly" does not hurt and fits what I had in mind; the last sentence is structured specifically to mimic "Polly want a cracker?"

 

Is the approver likely to make these kind of suggested changes to content based on the comments? If so, I will resubmit it to get rid of them.

[Dr. Paine]

Anyone know why the following description for a coastal waverunner frozen hatchling would get "Reject" without any reason given? I've not gotten any other comments or judgements on it after several days.

Because it's not a description of the dragon, just an event that happened to it. I'd reect if I came across it.

[Awdz]

Because it's not a description of the dragon, just an event that happened to it. I'd reect if I came across it.

Part of it is an event, but it gives the background for his current behavior which is also mentioned.

[Ahavah]

I think it's cute. It tells about his main passion, chasing feathers. My only issue would be that there's some grammar problems (the first sentence is kind of clunky, and the last sentence doesn't need a comma). Ideally it would tie into his name, but the name isn't given so I don't know.

 

I also like Paullie's description. I've seen plenty worse. The last sentence is a *slight* bit awkward (I personally would drop "thus" and say "Although she has plenty of healthier food to eat..."), but nothing to reject over, imo.

[Awdz]

I think it's cute. It tells about his main passion, chasing feathers. My only issue would be that there's some grammar problems (the first sentence is kind of clunky, and the last sentence doesn't need a comma). Ideally it would tie into his name, but the name isn't given so I don't know.

 

I also like Paullie's description. I've seen plenty worse. The last sentence is a *slight* bit awkward (I personally would drop "thus" and say "Although she has plenty of healthier food to eat..."), but nothing to reject over, imo.

Thank you. Fethyrbloer's description was approved as written so I'm not going to change it now, but I do appreciate the feedback.

[Mathcat]

Miss me? I'm back writing (sort of), and uploading a few I've had written for weeks. One comment already - with luck, more to follow.

 

Carassius Seagold is sullen, withdrawn, and snappish, to Penika's sorrow (she'd hoped for someone to talk to).  She goes out of her way to be unlikable, and drove away many would-be mates before she met Zaveo.  Carassius is usually no kinder to Zaveo than to any of the other dragons she's come in contact with, but he's too determined to be so easily driven away.  Even motherhood hasn't softened Carassius at all, and her children usually end up being raised by Penika.

 

Accept: Excellent description!

Edited September 11, 2010 by Mathcat

[Zovesta]

Drache and Drago, with a history longer than they can remember, are very old dragons, and very senile. Drago normally seems kind and motherly (and happens to be gay), but is no better than his brother. Drache, unable to breathe fire, takes to stealing cigars from humans that he finds. He is fairly laid back and easy going when it comes to his brother's mad obsession over eggs and hatchlings, but when it comes to any sort of female dragon, he promptly knocks his brother out and seduces the female in question. As he has many eggs that his brother doesn't know about (abandoned, at that, as he leaves any eggs with the mother), he loves sleeping with any single-headed dragon, as he is sterile with them.

They are unable to fly, due to their wings being savaged by the many wars and fights they have been in. They are also covered in scars, for the same reason, though they often fight with one another - physically and verbally. The fact that Drago has raised as many as he has is amazing.

 

Reject: NO! way to much info there dude. dragons dont smoke, and you are tecthicanlly using sexal language

 

I rofl'd at this. How is a funny comic different from a funny description? I mean, nobody gave me any problems in my comic as to 1. the aging process 2. the "unfertile" eggs 3. the filthy teeth 4. the smoking 5. the stretchy necks, etc.

 

Also, breeding = sex. Breeding is a huge part of the site, so sex is a huge part of the site. =V

Edited September 11, 2010 by Zovesta

[Dr. Paine]

Zovesta: While funny, I think it's skirting the lines a bit close I'll leave it to mods.

 

Moar for Zoidberg:

Accept: Epic. That's all I have to say. "

 

I also have a new one, for Dark Samus (female Nebula)

 

She looks to the stars and dreams of far off worlds, longing to find one of them and take it over.

Fathered by a passing Nebula, Dark Samus was the desperate product of two dragons who were unable to breed their own children. She knew from the start she was only the second-best thing they could have, looking nothing like her Snow Angel mother or Sweetling 'father'. This was what drove her out of the ApSci canyons the moment she could fly, and for decades she wandered, trying to find a place in the world, never even looking at the sky for a pattern to call her own.

During her travels, she learned of a famed Guardian- Samus Aran. She followed every tale of her exploits, and before long, began picking fights in an attempt to be like her heroine. This wasn't enough, and as the years passed, she became a tyrant, invading cities with allies she had overpowered or charmed into working with her, and devouring any who would not accept her as their unquestioned queen.

 

... Yes, I am fully aware of the unfortunate implications surrounding her parentage (not that, good god no. Just a passing Nebula was offered shelter, food, etc... in return he had to leave them with an egg. ... Ivy and Pastiallge really wanted there to be SOME blood relation). I'm also doing a long journal-story in the 'Give your Dragon a Journal' thread, surrounding her mother, her 'father', herself, and perhaps some observations from GLaDOS.

 

Who knew video game names could make such fun connected descriptions?

Edited September 11, 2010 by Dr. Paine

[Lizzyluna]

New desc for Sun Sparkling Edward.

Despite being a powerful magic creature, this dragon had serious self-esteem problems because of his name: even his companions couldn't help laughing.

But finally, after saving Rani's life in a fight (and after some well-placed hits on someone's head) he obtained a bit of respect and was chosen by the Cave Security Staff (AKA Ely, Pansy, Rav and Rose) as foster parent for vampire babies. Obviously, this job has its downsides: his own daughter was turned into a vampire because Cinnia mistook the bright Magi egg for a chewing toy.

 

* Accept: awwww- cute, but sad!

 

 

Vampire children are actually two, but Louis wasn't an accident.

And oddly enough his grandchild is a vampire too. What a shame for its father Van Helsing!

[Dr. Paine]

Comments for Dark Samus and SA-X:

 

Dark Samus:

 

* Abstain: Great description of the dragon`s background, but kind of leaves you hanging. Put something like how many cities she sucessfully conquored or something like that. - Good point. I had to constrain myself though, stupid character limit I only had room to put a very quick add-in, I don't want to completely re-write it.

* Reject: ??? Samus is current day - lolwat?

 

SA-X:

While Dark Samus prefers to rule, SA-X is just in it for the kills. Even as a very young hatchling, SA-X knew she had a remarkable talent- through long observation and a little magic, she could mimic the attacks, even the looks, of other dragons. By the time she had matured, SA-X had decided to go far beyond simply acting like Aran. She would be better. Stronger, more agile, capable of everything the Guardian could do and more.

Getting that strong took time, though, but SA-X had plenty. She found small towns or caves, and taking the guise of Samus Aran, offered to protect them. Once she gained their trust... well, some things are best left unsaid. She still hunts the Guardian, waiting for her perfect chance. In the meantime, it has become good advice to hide, should you ever hear SA-X's telltale tapping footsteps.

 

Accept: Very creative. Really tells the background of the dragon. - Thanks :>

 

ETA: For Dark Samus (I can't resist)

 

Accept: Ironically, I just rated SA-X's description, too. - IRONY DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

Edited September 12, 2010 by Dr. Paine

[Luckyclaw]

Most of my descriptions are already approved, but there's still a few loud and clear in my mind. Here they are, to my best memory.

 

Davako never liked the surface. Even as a young hatchling, he stayed under the waves. Many of the elder dragons complained that he never did anything good, but that definitely wasn't true. He always swam into underwater caves, and in doing so, his cheerful whistles bounced off the cave walls as creepy echos. Unknowingly doing so, he stopped several deadly enemies from proceeding an attack on his clan. Other then his unnoticed deeds, he is a normal hatchling. He loves to find seashells, and he storms open clams to see if they've got pearls.

 

Approve: Clam abuse is unhealthy for the mind and soul. Other then that, good job

 

^ This, I clearly remember, had brightened one of the worst days of my life to the fullest. To this day I want to hunt down the person who commented this and give them an uber hug. I take comments waaaay too seriously.

 

Paie hatched in a strange situation. A wolf mother had just lost a pup to bears, and sadly whimpered as she padded through the forest. Then she heard a cracking sound. Running to investigate the noise, she came across a small, baby dragon sitting in the rubble of a white shell. Startled, the uttered the only confused noise she could say, "Paie". The hatchling repeated, and the wolf found this adorable; So she took her in. Paie grew to be an elder in the pack, outliving even her adopted litter mates. Paie, as she called herself, only had two problems in the pack, she couldn't bring herself to kill. Attacking and fighting, yes, but never killing. So she allowed her pack mates kill the prey for her. The other problem was meat. She couldn't stand it. So she ate plants. Years later, she met a dragon clan, she was maybe 54 years old (young for a dragon). She decided to join them, but with one wish, she wanted to be frozen so she'd never be bigger then her wolf pack.

 

I can't remember the comment fully... but here's the part I remember-

Approve: A heart-warming tale-

 

And the last one:

 

Tarsenteren was only made as a sick joke. When the giant piece of Swiss cheese rose up in the form of a dragon, his creator laughed. And on that night, his creator fell at the claws of his own cheese. But before he left the small hut that was his creator's workshop, he happened to see just a part of himself in a mirror. Aside from the bloody claws and fangs, he felt ashamed to be made of cheese! So he made a plan, a plan so he could hide his cheesy interior. When he hatched the perfect scheme, he set off to attack his first castle. But unlike greedy dragons who would just attack for the gold, Tarsenteren was after the knight's armor. After about five years of castle-wrecking sprees, he had enough metal and chain mail to hide the fact that he was made of cheese. However; now most of Europe was after him. So his only chance was to hijack a ship and sail for somewhere they'd never find him. Eventually he shipwrecked on undiscovered North America. Talk about Luck.

 

There where a lot of LOL posts and saying how this was funny... How? I re-read it, and WROTE it, it's not funny to me...

[Feathers]

Halp? Got a comment about spelling, but other than my *coughcoughobviouslyintentionally* made-up names and words, I can't find anything. Are my eyes blinded to my own mistakes? D=

 

Stoneshard is a male Geode dragon of the Featherwing Weyr. He is a genial, friendly dragon, so calmly pleasant that even the pranks and games of the most irritating of hatchlings seem to bounce harmless from his scales. He is also extrememly patient and kind, never judging his Weyrmates for their faults or quirks. It was his quiet, gently accepting personality that won him his beautiful, protective mate, Jewelshard; he helps her learn to be gentle when situations call for it, and she defends him viciously when others would push him around. They're a good pair.

Someday, Stoneshard will make a kind, loving, gentle father to many hatchlings.

 

~Feathers

[Mathcat]

Spotted a couple of typos. Other than that, it's fine.

 

Stoneshard is a male Geode dragon of the Featherwing Weyr. He is a genial, friendly dragon, so calmly pleasant that even the pranks and games of the most irritating of hatchlings seem to bounce harmlessly from his scales. He is also extremely patient and kind, never judging his Weyrmates for their faults or quirks. It was his quiet, gently accepting personality that won him his beautiful, protective mate, Jewelshard; he helps her learn to be gentle when situations call for it, and she defends him viciously when others would push him around. They're a good pair.

Someday, Stoneshard will make a kind, loving, gentle father to many hatchlings.

Edited September 14, 2010 by Mathcat

[Feathers]

Thanks much, Mathcat. *huggles*

 

And, so as to be on topic, here's a comment that warmed the cold, dingy recesses of the place where my soul was before college ate it:

 

Pinksweet is a female Flamingo Wyvern of the Featherwing Weyr. Being rather bubbleheaded and silly, Pinksweet doesn't get a lot of respect from her fellow Weyrmates who value intelligence or wit; however, with her simple sweetness and pure honesty, she's got nary an enemy and many a friend. Her closest friend among her Weyrmates is Dawntaste, the airheaded Dawn Glory Drake; the two of them can spend hours at a time chatting about totally meaningless nonsense.

Pinksweet and her mate, Quickbeak, plan on someday having hatchlings together.

• Accept: Nice.
• Accept: i like the word "bubbleheaded"

X3

 

~Feathers

Edited September 14, 2010 by fly_away_soon

[Zovesta]

"Accept: bb"

 

Bb? What's that mean? o_o

 

Also, on different descriptions...

 

Cerrig Dydd Sul likes two things in this world: herself, and art. So much does she like them that, in fact, she views herself to be a work of art. These delusions came from her vain mother and artsy father as she nearly worshiped them. So great was her admiration that she decided to be like both of them, and cast away all other aspects of life. She often terrorizes humans to steal their art, as dragon have a pretty hard time simply making a straight line with their uncoordinated arms.

She refuses to breed with any except for a select few, but sooner or later, she grows bored of her new "masterpiece" and casts it off. She spends all of her days basking in the sun, staring at her scales.

Accept: LOL What a narcissist dragon

 

Determined that she will one day become a big hit and have millions worship her, When I Evolve is constantly trying to have humans notice her. She refuses to have a mate or any hatchlings that might steal her soon-to-be glory. She can become quite viscous when it comes to her fame, so much that, in fact, she has tried to murder all of the dragons in the surrounding area. This led to her narrowly avoiding death and, therefore, having to find a new area to live - this has made her a nomad.

Accept: LOL Another narcissist dragon . . . maybe it reflects the scroll owner haha

 

This is hilarious because my family is constantly trying to boost my self-esteem...

Edited September 14, 2010 by Zovesta

[Rally Vincent]

This comment just made me laugh.

• Accept: A bit too short....

It is a description with 986 characters.

[Luckyclaw]

*Slaps topic to the top* This thread may not die!

[Mathcat]

Submitted a couple more - got a comment.

 

Zwev, another of Goldenfield Village's resident dragons, seems to be under the impression that he is a cat (he was raised by one, which could explain the confusion).  He drinks milk from a saucer, plays with balls of yarn, and even purrs (telepathically, of course).  Zwev is better behaved than most cats, so the humans are glad to humor him by pulling bits of string for him to chase or letting him sleep on their laps.

 

* Accept: Cute description for a pygmy!

* Accept:

 

Enjoyed writing this one - glad someone liked it.

[Kaini]

Bless is something of a father figure to the dragons of Kaini's clan. He was the first male to join the clan, and therefore watched over the rest of the dragons as they grew up, teaching them the skills they needed to survive. He and loving Viktory (his mate) are seen as the parents of the group; and for that reason, most consider them the clan leaders. Bless's children are given high esteem in the clan as a result.

 

Reject:

 

 

 

 

Um....why? o.o

[Zovesta]

Determined that she will one day become a big hit and have millions worship her, When I Evolve is constantly trying to have humans notice her. She refuses to have a mate or any hatchlings that might steal her soon-to-be glory. She can become quite viscous when it comes to her fame, so much that, in fact, she has tried to murder all of the dragons in the surrounding area. This led to her narrowly avoiding death and, therefore, having to find a new area to live - this has made her a nomad.

Abstain: Youch.....

 

... Thank you.

 

 

[dustpuppy]

I write a lot of descriptions and I've already had the usual "several accepts and one unexplained reject", and I had people tell me to explain the very thing my description explained or rejecting British English (and, thankfully, lots of useful criticism too). But this is new :

 

User Comments

 

* Accept:

* Accept: ok f*ck you

 

(the original comment was not censored)