Description comments

[ArynChris]

    A native of the Longish Mountains, this chicken took a fateful vacation in the Chickabean Seas and got up close and personal with the Great Ninja Versus Pirate Rivalry.  Enamored of a particular peg-legged cockerel, she chose to renounce the traditional ninja stance of Lorraine's chicken army and return to the mountains as the dread pirate wench Chickeneer.

    In general, Chickeneer's sister chickens either take offense at her or ignore her outright.  A few maintain that "this is just a phase she's going through."

    It is unknown at this time whether International Talk Like a Pirate Day had anything to do with Chickeneer's origins, but Lady ArynChris smiles mysteriously whenever the subject comes up.

 

Accept: This... is beautiful.

Accept: Arr, now that thar be a fine descrption! Captain Sir Potatoes approves! >;D

[Zovesta]

I write a lot of descriptions and I've already had the usual "several accepts and one unexplained reject", and I had people tell me to explain the very thing my description explained or rejecting British English (and, thankfully, lots of useful criticism too). But this is new :

 

User Comments

 

* Accept:

* Accept: ok f*ck you

 

(the original comment was not censored)

I lol'd.

 

Determined that she will one day become a big hit and have millions worship her, When I Evolve is constantly trying to have humans notice her. She refuses to have a mate or any hatchlings that might steal her soon-to-be glory. She can become quite viscous when it comes to her fame, so much that, in fact, she has tried to murder all of the dragons in the surrounding area. This led to her narrowly avoiding death and, therefore, having to find a new area to live - this has made her a nomad.

 

 

Accept: I love this dragon just a tiny bit right now.

Accept:

 

 

This made my day.

[Dr. Paine]

Oh lord, where's an epic facepalm when you need it.

 

For Dark Samus: (re-posting the description itself)

 

She looks to the stars and dreams of far off worlds, longing to find one... and rule it.

Fathered by a passing Nebula, Dark Samus was the desperate product of two dragons who were unable to breed their own children. She knew from the start she was only the second-best thing they could have, looking nothing like her Snow Angel mother or Sweetling 'father'. This was what drove her out of the ApSci canyons the moment she could fly, and for decades she wandered, trying to find a place in the world, never even looking at the sky for a pattern to call her own.

During her travels, she learned of a famed Guardian- Samus Aran. She followed every tale of her exploits, and before long, began picking fights in an attempt to be like her heroine. This wasn't enough, and as the years passed, she became a tyrant, invading cities (14 to date) with allies she had overpowered or charmed into working with her, and devouring any who would not accept her as their unquestioned queen.

 

Abstain: Not all disscriptions have to be like lengdarry or something like that .Try making a funny one once in a while.And way to long.

 

Either we got a troll here, or someone who did not look at my other dragons... for god's sake, I have a melting Cheese dragon! And Bob! I've got plenty of funny! And what's wrong with length?

Edited September 22, 2010 by Dr. Paine

[Emerald_Shadowclaw]

Oh lord, where's an epic facepalm when you need it.

 

For Dark Samus: (re-posting the description itself)

 

 

 

Abstain: Not all disscriptions have to be like lengdarry or something like that .Try making a funny one once in a while.And way to long.

 

Either we got a troll here, or someone who did not look at my other dragons... for god's sake, I have a melting Cheese dragon! And Bob! I've got plenty of funny! And what's wrong with length?

Plus it's incorrectly spelt... I'd ignore it if I were you.

[Dr. Paine]

Plus it's incorrectly spelt... I'd ignore it if I were you.

When I'm sick, I can ignore NOTHING!

[Pinkie]

Well, I got the same person reviewing my des twice. And both times he/she wrote a comment that kinda makes me seeth because its obvious...you'll see.

 

Anna, as Andromade prefers to be called, has lived a fairly balanced, sheltered life up until now. After much jostling, her family finally fully settled down just before she was born. Her father had finally gotten over the illusion that he was the center of the universe. Now, Anna was. Her mother taught her the art of reading vibrations to "see," a trick her blind grandmother invented.

Inquisitive and a bit tactless, Anna was destined to get in some sort of trouble. It came in the form of Ace. She found him late one night, bleeding and belligerent. Not knowing who he was, she brought him back to her family's cave to nurse him back to health.

It was like a ghost came back from Hell.

Her parents were beyond shocked when they found their kidnapped son bleeding and sleeping in their home.

Since then, Anna has been determined to prove to Ace, who is in her life debt, is not the monster Cruorluna made him.

 

User Comments

Accept: Ha ha, I just rated the original description yesterday. Better, but maybe explain was "seeing" is?

 

Hmmm I sense and ijiot. Aggie, the blind grandmother of Anna, sees by picking up the vibrations in the air, thereby getting a clear picture of the world around her. She was inspired by Toph from Avatar the Last Airbender. She taught her daughter the trick and her daughter taught it to her daughter. Not rocket science. Plus, if you read one des, you are likely to read the parents too if you're confused. Most people read my full page because I kind of got a plot going that's pretty interesting between the splitting of the clans and Anna is highly instrumental in this.

 

 

 

Edit: Well, today I got a few more pretty rude ones. I'm sorry I write a lot, but you dont have to be such a jerk about it. I doubt he even read them. If you dont want to read, why the f are you reviewing descriptions precisely?

Anyhoo here are the comments. There's nothing in them that really pretains to the dragon...at all.

 

User Comments

Accept:

Reject: teryaki chick you suck eggs!

 

User Comments

Reject: it's sooooooo long

 

 

(this one was on the favorite of my batch. I'll post te des too and you can tell me if its boring....)

 

The day of a terrible hurricane, a wild grey hen sought refuge within the Elders clan. She was gravely ill and was suffering a terrible wound. When the healers went to treat her, they discovered she had a small, meek hatchling with her. They did their best to save both mother and son, but she died within a few hours, leaving them with no more than the little hatchlings name: Torei.

Despite strange circumstances surrounding his birth, Tore grew up to be a high-strung stud with an attitude and two best friends: Shay and Cass. Things were looking good for him and every prospect was open.

Until Izdati, a rogue murderer plaguing the land, openly claimed him as his son. Tore was shunned by everyone but a few select dragons, and Shay and Cass. Tore is truly nothing like his father, but that won't make it any easier for him to be accepted again.

 

User Comments

Reject: falls asleep

 

 

Edited September 23, 2010 by Pinkie

[Zovesta]

Determined that she will one day become a big hit and have millions worship her, When I Evolve is constantly trying to have humans notice her. She refuses to have a mate or any hatchlings that might steal her soon-to-be glory. She can become quite viscous when it comes to her fame, so much that, in fact, she has tried to murder all of the dragons in the surrounding area. This led to her narrowly avoiding death and, therefore, having to find a new area to live - this has made her a nomad.

Reject: A bit violent, don't you think?

 

I feel like all of my organs are blowing up inside me. And now I'm going to start oozing blood out of my eyes.

 

THIS... DRAGONS. NOT. HAPPY. UNICORNS. DRAGONS. BAD. CASTLE. *boom*

 

Also, unexplained reject:

Tre Api hates everyone, ever. Raised by a Hellfire Wyvern mother (who was, in fact, raised by a Sunset mother and a Hellfire Wyvern father, both very mellow) that could care very little about anything, and an overly emotional Black father, it's amazing that she has turned out as she has. Determined not to be like her parents, she went to other Hellfire Wyverns and pleaded for them to take her under their wing. After refusing to adapt to their customs and viewing males to be just as boring as females, she was forced out. Now very bitter and accepting no help from her parents, she wanders alone, setting whatever she can find on fire.

 

Reject:

 

Edited September 25, 2010 by Zovesta

[Dr. Paine]

Head, meet wall. Comment from SA-X:

 

Reject: Samus is a video game character which does not exist in the time period of the Cave. Please read the description guidelines.

 

1. In SA-X's description, is is mentioned several times that the Samus in question is a Guardian dragon.

2. I have checked with mods, and there is nothing wrong with adapting a video game character to the DC time period. Even then, there's nothing against that in the guidelines themselves- there is a rule against modern things being directly mentioned, but not adaptions. So yeah.

[kadoatie]

^ gives me some consolation that no one recognizes most of the characters I adapt

 

Jec, male alt black:

Claw by claw Jec climbs over the walls,

In search of treasure - little large, mostly small -

For Jec is a creature of little courage and all mind

Who prefers black goods he finds easy to hide.

A traditional thief, he likes rocks and teeth,

Weapons with no warning for the residents of the keep

Who leave their baubles out on shelf and windowsill

For criminals with sharp eyes and strong wills.

He lacks the conscience to ever make amends:

Needless to say, Jec hasn't made many friends

Who would bail him out when the guards raise defenses.

For now, however, he loves his poor dragon's revenge.

* Accept: Wow! This is amazing

* Accept: this is an awsome poem

* Accept:

* Accept: Nice little poem.

 

It's the only poem I've attempted for a dragon description ^^; This encourages me to try more in the future.

[Lizzyluna]

Sometimes, a wrong name can be a burden. That's what happened to this poor Dorsal: the owner called him Lord Blackwood, without considering Blackwood was also the name of the most evil vampire in the cave, Lucy. To make things worse, Lord Blackwood's father and Lucy's mate were nest brothers and have similar names.

As a result, other hatchlings mistook him for some sort of powerful vampire able to resist in the sunlight and for a long time they were too scared to play with him.

 

* Accept:

* Accept:

* Reject:

 

Serial Rejecter strikes again!

[Dr. Paine]

And we bring you yet another moment in 'wall-banger rejections.'

 

This was for Dark Samus- who, let me remind you, is about forty characters short of the 1000 character limit.

 

Reject: no parenthesis, write a bit more.

 

-beats her head against the wall-

 

But wait, there's more!

 

For SA-X:

 

Reject: too subjective. like, really.

 

What the hell is that supposed to even mean?

Edited October 1, 2010 by Dr. Paine

[Zovesta]

Lol no idea Paine. Maybe you viewed it from a certain angle too much, rather than stating it as fact?

 

Also, I got an unexplained reject on one of mine...

Flying Shark just turned into a young adult, but that doesn't stop him from believing that he is millions of years old. Flying for a solid month with no sleep, he began to hallucinate and landed in the water. Sadly, he drowned, and was saved by a great white shark, who ate him and promptly spat him out on the beach. Surviving with only a little "drain blamage", as he calls it, the delusions that he is actually several millions years old started. Now he wanders about, finicky about mates because he thinks they aren't old and wise enough to breed with - and they happen to lack leprechauns that he can devour as a symbol of love.

Reject:

 

... but that's ok, since I got a very nice one that has made my day.

 

Vyrasmureg is highly picky. He only drinks the blood of dragon with blood type 'Z'... and very few dragons have this rare blood type, so he normally starves. Most think his hunger is just because he's very polite and kind and doesn't want to hurt people, so he often gets a kind nod of the head. He views their nods as a way of saying "My neck, back off." As such, he likes to drink only the blood of hatchlings (as long as they have a Z blood type).

Due to a freak accident involving time travel, dungeons, dragons, and monsters that live in pockets, he found his home only after he was wandering for two years. He now lives in a coffin, sharing with a true vampire. The vampire died a couple of years ago, though, not that Vyrasmureg noticed.

Accept: This is the most creative dragon description I've ever seen.

[sonictheonlyhedgehog]

Recently recieved this little 'gem of advice'

 

User Comments

•Accept: Just add a hyphen in "bio-luminescent". Sorry dislike red lines

 

... I spelled it "bioluminescent"...

...I'm pretty sure it doesn't have a hyphen in it, but I could be wrong... so, am I?

[Dr. Paine]

Recently recieved this little 'gem of advice'

 

 

 

... I spelled it "bioluminescent"...

...I'm pretty sure it doesn't have a hyphen in it, but I could be wrong... so, am I?

Bioluminecent is how I've always seen it. -shrug-

[sonictheonlyhedgehog]

Meh; oh well. It was still an "accept"

 

I like some of the comments that people leave, though. :3 My personal favs are on my waterwalker:

 

Jacana is a wanderer; a sort of 'nomad' of the dragon world, if you please. He has no set 'home'--no cave, no lair, no nest--and (currently) does not belong to any sort of clan or pack. Jacana explores the marshes by day; at night, he settles himself wherever he sees fit at the time (patches of marsh-grasses that appear to have been flattened or sat on usually indicate one of Jacana's former napping places). Generally wary, he keeps his distance with strange discoveries (like other dragons); yet, if no threat is posed, he can become quite curious, and will approach with caution.

•Accept: Well written, and even proper use of a semi-colon. The first semi-colon however, probably could be something else - a dash, perhaps, since the phrase after is not independent. But good job! :-)

•Accept: Cool. Very professional, actually.

 

I'll probably get around to fixing that first semicolon (I might need to find another way, though; the dash didn't look right (to me) when I first typed the description, hence my choice of semicolon) but, still. ^^

[Carnivorous M.]

Here's mah next one! I'm mainly going to be focusing on frozens for a while. Meet Creja Re Wind, my summer seasonal!

 

Creja Re Wind is a silent, melancholy hatchling; unlike Rasuke, he was pressured by Rasadine into having himself frozen for being inbred. Carnie was horrified when the truth was revealed, but it was too late: the spell had been cast, and Creja was doomed to remain a hatchling until his dying day. He wasn't terribly talkative to begin with, but this traumatic event only drove him further into himself. It took weeks for Rasuke to solidify herself as a friend, and only recently has the seasonal hatchling begun to open up about himself (for instance, that the name he claimed is pronounced 'cray-ah,' not 'cray-juh').

 

EDIT: ...AUGH I DID IT AGAIN I'M SORRY

 

-runs to look for the Description Beta Service, facepalming at own idiocy-

Edited October 4, 2010 by Carnivorous M.

[Dr. Paine]

First of all!

 

Describing game! Give it some love!

 

Second, my description inspired by said game:

 

Female Silver, named 1000 Words (from... I forget who, but they had over 1000 dragons and were breeding for people in celebration )

 

Once, there was a dragon breeder who had raised and studied over one thousand dragons. In celebration of this accomplishment, they gave eggs of all breeds, rare or common, to any who asked. The only condition was that the dragon be named, and that name was to have '1000' in it.

When 1000 Words' egg came to the cave, there was a great deal of talk over how this condition would be met without saddling her with a poor name. By the time she had hatched, the little Silver was still without a name.

This didn't bother her too much- she was a dull-scaled little hatchling, rather than attracting attention for her rarity and silvery glow, she was praised for her artistic talent. She kept this up as she grew, creating larger, more elaborate paintings, never caring that the paints and dyes had permanently stained her silver scales and pale pink mane all sorts of colors. If anything, she became pickier, intent on becoming a work of art herself- a picture worth more than a thousand words.

 

I had to do a lot of cutting down to keep it in the limit, but this worked ^^.

 

Comments so far:

 

* Reject:

.... Kay...

* Accept: oh verry nice

[littleangelamy22]

Rozalina is a very motherly dragon, and enjoys looking after the other dragons, whether they want her to or not. She can be stubborn and patronising, but her heart is always in the right place, and she always means well. 
She is a very happy dragon, and even if she isn't feeling great herself she will always keep up a pretence of happiness and optimism to keep the other dragons motivated. 
Rozalina's only fault is that she is prone to being very proud, particularly of her children and grandchildren and their accomplishments.

 

My only comment was

ACCEPT: Check spelling. A.

 

I may be being stupid, but that spelling looks right to me. :/

[Carnivorous M.]

Other than patronizing and pretense, which are, to a certain extent, optional, I don't see anything wrong with the spelling...

 

Ohaithar, description comment!

 

On TG- Rasuke's description:

 

The first of the hatchlings in the cave to be properly frozen by resident wizard Carnie, Rasuke sometimes wishes that she had not asked for permanent youth; she looks wistfully on as other hatchlings grow older, find love, have families and great responsibility in the cave. Calm, down-to-earth and mature, Rasuke has made it her business to help the guardians and parents to raise the eggs and hatchlings, giving other young ones advice and a listening ear from another child. The young storm dragon leads the other frozen hatchlings of the cave, organizing their home and special duties. While wary of the mysterious, sly zombie hatchling Szabaru, she will never forget his kindness to her in her first days of uncertainly and regret of her decision (whatever motivations might have been behind it other than friendship), and thinks of him as a sort of older-brother figure.

 

Accept: Nice description.

 

-does happydance for first actual comment in a long while-

Edited October 5, 2010 by Carnivorous M.

[littleangelamy22]

Other than patronizing and pretense, which are, to a certain extent, optional, I don't see anything wrong with the spelling...

 

Okay, Thanks. I just spelt it the English (UK) way rather than the English (US) way. Thanks. I'm sometimes picky about my spelling, so it bugged me.

[Carnivorous M.]

Aaaaah, that would explain it. You're welcome! ^^

[littleangelamy22]

Vatten Cavell is a noble sort of dragon, he thinks highly of himself and thinks most are inferior to him. He can disguise his arrogance well, only fooling to disguise his true feelings From Miss Bellesa, a dragon who he can't ever see eye to eye with, despite the fact that they grew up together.

 

Not my greatest description, a mix of rejects and accept. All blank, except this one:

Reject: bad now your dragon dies

 

I feel sad now.

Any ideas on how to improve... I have a block.

[Carnivorous M.]

...Geez, it looks like we have trolls in the Reviewer's Section again. >.>

 

My best advice is to look at a sentence that seems too long, and try and think of a way to separate it into smaller sentences that would still make sense. Semicolons should be used sparingly.

 

Although I'm still having a great deal of trouble with sentence separation and semicolon abuse, so maybe my opinion should be taken with a grain of salt. ^^'

Edited October 5, 2010 by Carnivorous M.

[Dr. Paine]

New batch for Dark Samus...

 

* Accept: Awesome. :3

* Accept: 1. She sounds rude and e[vil in the end (give this part a reject) -- 2. This is pretty good thinking. Are you a writer? If not, think about it because your good at it. that is approve. -- approve

 

1. That's the point- she's evil. Dragons aren't all sunshine and butterflies, she is a power-hungry nut and will eat you if you get in her way. 2. Sort of, I am aiming to get a story into a sci-fi magazine one day

[Emerald_Shadowclaw]

For Kama Dorkface, my Vampire Dorkface...

 

Kama Dorkface isn't like the other Vampire dragons. She obviously can't leave the cave in the daytime, but she's somehow managed to befriend some of the dragons and gradually gained acceptance. Her best friend is, ironically, Kasaini - mother of one of the other Vampires who's egg was stolen from her. Kama has been trying to help the grieving Kasaini by proving to her that Vampires aren't ALL bad.

 

* Accept: Very interesting, and quite sweet too. Double accept. ♥

* Accept:

 

They just made me smile :3