Posted June 4, 2015 I believe they are suggesting a change to this: Despite his breed, Dalaigh acts dead..in a way. The only emotion he shows is towards his beloved mate, Lulaya. If he lost her, he would fall into either a depression or a rage that would destroy his owner's cave, and everything in it. He is dead-pan, heartless, cold-hearted, just overall a killjoy without his owner or his mate. I agree with their grammar fixes (watch your spacing! There needs to be one space in between every sentence) - and dead-pan is deadpan in AE, and there should be an "and" between cold-hearted and just - but I think your comments on how Dalaigh is around Lulaya are fine. =3 Ohhhhhh, that makes a lot more sense Though I'm still not sure what spacing you mean, I just typed it up the way I usually type :3 Share this post Link to post
Posted June 4, 2015 Ohhhhhh, that makes a lot more sense Though I'm still not sure what spacing you mean, I just typed it up the way I usually type :3 For example: She is mute, so no roaring or intimidation for her.She has very good hearing as well as tracking, meaning she can hear, and find, even the smallest of things, like a worm moving 5 feet under.She seems to have the ability to befriend even the most aggressive of dragons, making her somewhat popular, though sometimes she prefers being alone, or with her mate, Dalaigh.As a hatchling, she was abducted from her cave by 'caretakers', being beaten and scarred. It took only a few weeks for her new owner to steal her back so-to-speak, nursing her back to health.The two, three counting Dalaigh, love to look at the stars. Sometimes she can be seen with her owner on her back, with or without her mate, flying through the night sky. The only sentence that has a space between it is "scarred. It took only a few weeks" which is correct. The rest are all "word.Sentence" which needs a space. ^^ Share this post Link to post
Posted June 4, 2015 For example: The only sentence that has a space between it is "scarred. It took only a few weeks" which is correct. The rest are all "word.Sentence" which needs a space. ^^ ..Oh wow, how did I not see those Whooops! Share this post Link to post
Posted June 5, 2015 Okaaaay... Stony Hearted was named so because he attempted to break the other hatchlings out of their shells before they were ready. Everyone thought he was going to grow up to be a warrior, and named him after a ruthless dragon killer named Heart of Stone. As Stony Hearted grew up, his parents saw that he was not going to be the dragon they intended him to be, and ended up teleporting him away to an owner who would appreciate his tenderness. As thanks to his parents for giving him to her, the owner kept the name Stony Hearted, but instead calls him Softie, as she later learned that he was trying to help the weaker hatchlings out of their shells, not attempting to kill them. Comments: Accept: Accept: Abstain: Oh huh. I really don't get the last one. Is there something wrong or wrong button? Share this post Link to post
Posted June 5, 2015 Okaaaay... Stony Hearted was named so because he attempted to break the other hatchlings out of their shells before they were ready. Everyone thought he was going to grow up to be a warrior, and named him after a ruthless dragon killer named Heart of Stone. As Stony Hearted grew up, his parents saw that he was not going to be the dragon they intended him to be, and ended up teleporting him away to an owner who would appreciate his tenderness. As thanks to his parents for giving him to her, the owner kept the name Stony Hearted, but instead calls him Softie, as she later learned that he was trying to help the weaker hatchlings out of their shells, not attempting to kill them. Comments: Accept: Accept: Abstain: Oh huh. I really don't get the last one. Is there something wrong or wrong button? I dunno, but his parents are geodes, so maybe it's an abstain because they're not magis? I see nothing obviously wrong on first read. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 5, 2015 I dunno, but his parents are geodes, so maybe it's an abstain because they're not magis? I see nothing obviously wrong on first read. I had to stare at it for a while to understand... I'm not sure. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) I had to stare at it for a while to understand... I'm not sure. To clarify my comment, teleport is the magi BSA, so perhaps they feel only magis can actually teleport dragons. Which isn't an obviously wrong conclusion (and may be right), and if I came across your dragon, I might also Abstain because I'm unsure about this, though I'd do it without a comment and so you wouldn't see it. Edited June 5, 2015 by pinkgothic Share this post Link to post
Posted June 5, 2015 To clarify my comment, teleport is the magi BSA, so perhaps they feel only magis can actually teleport dragons. Which isn't an obviously wrong conclusion (and may be right), and if I came across your dragon, I might also Abstain because I'm unsure about this, though I'd do it without a comment and so you wouldn't see it. I'll change it to "Have him teleported away" instead of "teleported him away" Share this post Link to post
Posted June 6, 2015 (edited) On John Steed: Steed and Peel. Peel and Steed. Together the two dragons are known affectionately as The Avengers, though most of the other dragons aren't quite sure what they're meant to be avenging. Steed considers himself a proper gentledragon and always somehow has a carnation affixed nattily to his chest. He wears a peculiar rounded hat that he calls a bowler and usually carries an umbrella on his upraised paw. Mrs. Peel is always to be seen close by, the two of them investigating into mysterious doings and unusual deaths. Steed often finds himself having to rescue Mrs. Peel, but now and then it is she who rescues him. Accept: This is probably referencing something I don't know of, but I love murder mysteries and this is very well written. Why, thank you! It's referencing The Avengers, the original TV series from the 60s, not the current stuff. (Now to find me a Mrs. Emma Peel! ) Edited June 6, 2015 by Lagie Share this post Link to post
Posted June 11, 2015 Emotion Tramp has the unfortunate habit of spewing her problems to any dragon willing to listen. Her thoughts probe out to anyone open to receiving telepathy, and she will continue to badger listeners until their "Oh my goodness, you know I could lend you some mana if you really need it"s turn to bored "Mm-hmm"s and "I totally know what you mean"s. E.T. will leech off of sympathy and patience until it's close to running out, leaving a trail of irritable and reluctant dragons in her wake. But this dragon is not malicious, and does her best to repay those dragons who have been kind to her. Emotion Tramp believes strongly in karma, and those who are kind to her will almost always receive a mysterious bundle of generosity a few months after the therapy session. Accept: Uh-huh. I get it. Mmm. Very good. Right. Yeah, yeah, totally. -DT Pffft Share this post Link to post
Posted June 16, 2015 And lo, Mrs. Emma Peel! Steed and Peel. Peel and Steed. Together the two dragons are known affectionately as The Avengers, though most of the other dragons aren't quite sure what they're meant to be avenging. Mrs. Peel is a thoroughly modern lady appearing more delicate than she is. She's extremely intelligent with knowledge in many areas and is well versed in paw-to-paw combat should the need arise. Not surprisingly, it often does while she and Steed are out investigating unusual doings and mysterious deaths. Mrs. Peel frequently finds herself in need of rescuing by Steed, but now and then it is she who rescues him. Accept: Ah, yes, I've heard about this girl in the Description comments thread! Accept: Share this post Link to post
Posted June 26, 2015 Swowu's egg was rescued from some bandits who'd planned... well, no one in the flock is quite sure what they planned to do with a Copper dragon egg or hatchling, but it probably wasn't any good. The lost little Copper was subsequently raised within the flock, and given as much care and attention as any of the dragons that come under the watchful eyes of the Pink dragons. Quite unfortunately, Swowu grew up to be rather... odd. She can go months without being seen by any flock member. When she is making her presence known she wanders around muttering nonsense to anyone she can convince to listen to her. Her most frequently repeated comments are dire warnings about "Him", a supposedly chaotic being that Swowu refuses to name directly. A being who will be born in an outpouring of decadence, and whose coming will herald a new beginning for those who value beauty, music, and all the joyful things in life. Swowu clearly believes this is a bad thing, but not all the flock agrees with her. "Reject: I would abstain from using trail-off periods." Why? Share this post Link to post
Posted June 26, 2015 "Reject: I would abstain from using trail-off periods." Why? Some people (myself included) dislike ellipses, but they work sometimes, and yours work. I wouldn't worry about it! (Rejector needs to learn the proper term for them! ) The 'real' John Steed, actor Patrick Mcnee, passed away. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 26, 2015 Some people (myself included) dislike ellipses, but they work sometimes, and yours work. I wouldn't worry about it! (Rejector needs to learn the proper term for them! ) Reminds me a bit of a semi-recurring reject I used to get: Reject: elipses are not used in this manner My comment on my description overview page about that has always been "am unlikely to take questionable advice from people who cannot spell 'ellipses'. " Share this post Link to post
Posted June 26, 2015 "Reject: I would abstain from using trail-off periods." Why? Too many ellipses is like too many exclamation points , but you used them well. A reject just for that is harsh. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 26, 2015 Me again... still going through my descriptions, getting them copied to another place Just In Case. June is rather slim-built for a Horse dragon, a fact which makes her extremely agile and light on her hooves. She loves to dance to the tunes of human bards, minstrels, and bands. Twisting, turning, spinning or walking on just her back hooves, or leaping high to perform brief aerobatics. Her human partner, a stablehand who begged to run away with her, to escape a harsh master, performs his own tricks on her strong back. Their skills have brought them fame across the lands, and people and dragons come from far away to watch them perform. Kings invite them to court, and warlords give them safe passage for the price of a show. The one thing the duo want most of all is a permanent musician, someone who will work with them to produce music that will fit their show perfectly. Until then, they'll just keep dancing to the local beat. Reject: Prefer third-person dragon descriptions. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 27, 2015 Reject: Prefer third-person dragon descriptions. Does this rejector not speak English? Psst, stable hand is two words. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 27, 2015 (edited) Do you think they just selected the wrong message from the drop-down menu? The Mercies are flirtatious and reckless and have a notably strong "I-do-what-I-want" attitude. Lettice is the more talkative one and tells stories of their adventures. She has a way of horrifying her audience, then making them laugh raucously. Grace talks less and likes to watch a good fight, especially one where her combatant of choice wins. Both love to sing questionable tunes. The dragon is large enough to give humans a lift, and during their runs, they may stop by one and croak for wine - wine for a ride. A human who manages to hold on while she bolts and turns erratically through and above town wins the Mercies' respect and esteem. Reject: This seems to be describing a group, not this individual hatchling. Ugggh but but it's describing a two-headed dragon! [blah blah blah] Once they've spoken for a minute, she casually, innocently strolls up to them and says, "Please stop, I'm bored. Please stop, I'm bored. Please stop, I'm bored" until they stop. She helps the ceremony run briskly, to the benefit of all. Accept: While the idea of a dragon speaking as you've stated is unique, the dragons communicate via telepathy. So perhaps she'd stroll over and use the telepathic method. Wonderful though. That's what I meant. Don't you think it'd get tedious to explain every time that their speech is from their head? Edited June 27, 2015 by dirtytabs Share this post Link to post
Posted June 27, 2015 Psst, stable hand is two words. Not when it's someone who works in a stable. =o Share this post Link to post
Posted June 27, 2015 Wrote a couple of good descriptions yesterday. So far all I've gotten is 'accepts' with no comments. Why no comments? If you come across a Copper dragon referred to as Tarn or a fever referred to as Carrie...those descriptions are mine give me comments! Share this post Link to post
Posted June 28, 2015 Wrote a couple of good descriptions yesterday. So far all I've gotten is 'accepts' with no comments. Why no comments? If you come across a Copper dragon referred to as Tarn or a fever referred to as Carrie...those descriptions are mine give me comments! It is hard to comment on everything! We do try, but when you're on a roll, sometimes it's faster to just accept. I will keep my eyes out, though! Share this post Link to post
Posted June 28, 2015 It is hard to comment on everything! We do try, but when you're on a roll, sometimes it's faster to just accept. I will keep my eyes out, though! I know it's challenging. I try and leave comments though if I found the description to be really good. That's why I want comments otherwise I feel like my poor descriptions are mediocre at best. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 28, 2015 I know it's challenging. I try and leave comments though if I found the description to be really good. That's why I want comments otherwise I feel like my poor descriptions are mediocre at best. I'm more inclined to comment on a mediocre one (usually with ways to improve) than on a good one. For me, silence tends to mean I like what I've read! Share this post Link to post
Posted June 28, 2015 I always seem to have this problem, but two of my dragon's descriptions have been caught in queue for over a year- Is it typical to have to wait this long? They've been submitted, I think, since late 2013/early 2014... (90% of the comments on both of them are blank accepts, by the way, so...) Share this post Link to post
Posted June 28, 2015 I always seem to have this problem, but two of my dragon's descriptions have been caught in queue for over a year- Is it typical to have to wait this long? They've been submitted, I think, since late 2013/early 2014... (90% of the comments on both of them are blank accepts, by the way, so...) With 13k unmodded descriptions, I'm afraid that yes - this is rather normal Share this post Link to post
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