Description comments

[Ansela Jonla]

Wait, this is a reference? I literally just saw that description. Oh, is it that really weird anime that's getting a live-action film soon?

It's a reference to the Animorphs YA series, which was adapted into a live-action tv series.

[Keileon]

It's a reference to the Animorphs YA series, which was adapted into a live-action tv series.

The TV series part is especially relevant here as the first (two?) episode(s) is titled "My name is Jake".

[Dirtytabs]

Uggh! Why do some people reject a description and then NOT give their reasons for rejection ?

 

If it were an abstain i could understand... but if you reject a descrip, you must have had a reason.

Some people might just be mean.

 

 

The Grave Little Toaster isn't very little, but he does toast and is definitely a grave dragon. Two out of three ain't bad. He travels around with his friends, a bunch of inanimate objects that seem to hold some importance to him, looking for a particular human, presumably to toast.

 

Accept: ahahahaha, this is amazing

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Muammar Gaddafi, May His Spellings Be Many, is what humans call a dictator. His territory is a very unpleasant place to be, with more iron-tooth violence and terrible ideas than the typical dragon has seen in a lifetime, and dragons potentially live forever. Gaddafi is outspoken and tactless and does whatever he can to assert his power, under the guise of objectivity and fairness. He claims to have a committee to advise him, while in reality, he overrides whatever he doesn't like. Gaddafi also has pictures of himself all over the territory and keeps bodyguards at all times. He has a small group of "supporters" and a much larger group who want him dead.

 

Accept: Oh my gosh. I shouldn't laugh but You should do descriptions for other infamous dictators!

Accept: I love it! ~Remy

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I was thinking of describing his mate, but she's far less interesting. I suppose no one's more interesting than Gaddafi.

[Lagie]

Some people might just be mean.

Nah. It's the "Random Rejector" at work again! There are some of us who think they just go through and reject everything.

[Mathcat]

Goldenlove Heart's-ease is the first student of Herald Heart's-ease. Without Bittersweet Herald's influence, he's stayed more idealistic than his mentor, which is not always desirable. Goldenlove believes that love conquers all and that any two dragons, once in love, must surely be destined to remain together for the rest of their lives. In particular, the idea that any two dragons he paired up might some day choose to separate is completely unimaginable.

 

Reject: Bad idea: unless you include something like a "Marriage" option. After all, many use dragons that dont usually breed(ie: holidays) to get a rare. But a BSA allowing you to lock a couple has merit.

 

Uh, what? Did I miss something?

[Lagie]

Uh, what? Did I miss something?

Someone mixing up BSA's with descriptions, it looks like.

[MyaMouse]

Uggh! Why do some people reject a description and then NOT give their reasons for rejection ?

 

If it were an abstain i could understand... but if you reject a descrip, you must have had a reason.

I hear ya, man.

 

Violette Sharde's name came from where her egg was and her color. She is purple, hence the Violette, and she was from the Alpine cave, so she has Sharde. She loves flying and will fly with her friend-who used to have the same last name as she- Wynter Froste, a Frostbite. She is smart and friendly, and likes King Galletian Redstone, but he dislikes her because she is too "peppy" and cheerful all the time. Her mate is Sunstone Gold.

 

User Comments

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Edited December 29, 2014 by MyaMouse

[Sundew]

Whim was, as a hatchling, an obnoxious know-it-all who frequently tore apart tales told by her clan's storytellers. This quickly made her unpopular and--while she did not mind being disliked--she wanted respect and begrudging admiration from most of her fellows, and sought to do this by disproving the proudest storyteller of them all. This was a mistake: That dragon was the clan's own V-GINY, who--while regarded as a nuisance by most dragons--had magical prowess like all of his kind, and thus the means to shut down the annoying Waterhorse once and for all. He cast a spell upon her that altered her appearance, causing the illusion that she was an Undead dragon. One cannot now look at her without seeing decaying body parts and stray sparks of mana, flying off as a side effect of the alleged failed experiment with revival magic. While most of her clan mates know that Whim is not actually an Undead and thus no threat whatsoever, they are happy to use this as an excuse to get away from her.

 

Abstain: Spaces after punctuation please.

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Accept: cute

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Reject: The dragon doesn't actually look like an undead dragon, so...

 

Abstain: Spaces after punctuation isn't taught where I live, and as far as I know, is restricted to certain regions. I believe it's similar (or a part of?) the differences between American and British English.

I'm also completely out of character room, so I couldn't include more spaces if I wanted to.

 

Reject: I'm curious--does anyone else think that is a problem with this dragon?

I don't want to give this description to a real Undead dragon because, well... the description isn't about an Undead dragon. It's about a dragon who isn't Undead, and changing that kind of feels like defeating the purpose of the entire spell being an illusion.

Sprites are also, technically, sketches on our scroll of what the dragon looks like--it would make sense that I, as the dragon's owner, would know its actual identity as opposed to just what it looks like.

[Lagie]

You don't do spaces? Where are you? I've never heard of not doing spaces.

Those --while-- things would be ... well, I'd probably suggest you replace them with commas.

 

I wouldn't worry about the reject. You do say it's the illusion of an undead.

[Herk]

You don't do spaces? Where are you? I've never heard of not doing spaces.

Those --while-- things would be ... well, I'd probably suggest you replace them with commas.

 

I wouldn't worry about the reject. You do say it's the illusion of an undead.

I think ab means double spaces, she DOES have spaces in the description posted after all. Which is why taht comment is weird unless it refers solely to the *--* which could be commas anyway.

[Sundew]

Oh yes, I meant double spaces after punctuation. I use single spaces all the time.

 

I've changed the "--" to commas.

[Dirtytabs]

Mr Bonding is incredibly weird to most people who know him. Some say he wasn't laid and hatched like a normal dragon but was created when a sextet of dragons joined together and became one being. He has this purple toupee and moustache on his head and almost always talks about some curious magical powers he can bestow. Someone - anyone - meeting him for the first time will be treated to an explanation of his powers. If they accept his subsequent proposal, he will say his catch phrase, "It's bonding time!" before, presumably, "bonding" with that person. The recipient can meet Mr Bonding several times to receive different powers. Once cast, each power lasts a few minutes and gives the caster abilities such as hatching eggs more easily and regenerating mana more quickly. Many adventurers find Mr Bonding's powers useful, but they're always a little shaken by the encounters with him.

 

Accept: It's bonding time!!! :0

Accept: What a strange dragon

Let's get started, shall we?

 

Aarune is the (self-proclaimed) expert on secret bases. He soars through the sky, looking all over the region for large trees, grass stacks, and rock walls in which to create a base. Once he finds a desirable spot, he makes an entrance to his secret base using a technique called, appropriately enough, "secret power". Soon, the base becomes like a smaller version of home, similar to a human dwelling, which travellers can visit and explore. Aarune travelled all over the region to teach anyone interested about secret bases, and once he found enough followers, he founded a Secret Base Guild. A lot of people there love secret bases and share the locations with others, while nobody mentions they're not actually very secret.

 

Accept: Oh hey, look! It's an ORAS reference!

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Yes!

 

Plastic Flamingo has little to do every day because she's done her jobs so poorly in the past that the Leader just gave up. Now her main job is to not get in trouble and not break anything. She does a very good job at that because she always wanders into human territory - the dragons don't mind what happens there. Plastic Flamingo's new hobby is standing in front of houses doing nothing else, not even chatting with passersby. People wonder if it's some sort of meditation or if she puts herself in danger so readily because she has some agenda they can't figure out. A few humans have been rubbing their chins and thinking about making fake flamingo wyvern ornaments to decorate the house fronts.

 

Accept: Love the the bio being a joke about plastic flamingos.

Accept: This is very funny!

[MessengerDragon]

GentleCrusher

GentleCrusher is so named because she is very kind to her friends, but quite ruthless with anyone who wishes to harm them. She is very loyal and protective of her owner and their cave, and often stands guard to ensure no-one of ill intent gets anywhere near it.

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A hobby she has is, surprisingly, reading. GentleCrusher loves how a simple piece of paper or parchment can create such exciting and thrilling worlds. However, since most dragons of her species don't encourage reading books or scrolls, she tends to be secretive about this passion of hers, telling only her most trusted friends. She has recently found it necessary to resort to bribery - those pesky pygmies somehow found a way to get into her secret cave! Now she has to give them sweets in return for the promise not to tell other brutes. (Although she occasionally has to threaten them, the misfits have quite a reputation for not making good on promises.)

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GentleCrusher's owner is glad to have such a loyal dragon on her side.

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[Auriene]

I'm curious about your opinion on something... How do you feel about describing your dragons through their thoughts, behaviors or scenes of their lives, instead of writing in "straight" descriptive mode? I've recently added description for this Holly:

 

Young dragoness looked at the strange plant with uncertainty. She couldn't fathom how this green bush with spiny leaves and tiny red fruits, barely higher than her, could be associated with her kind. She curiously sniffed one of the branchlets and almost immediately snorted - there was some kind of poison inside these drupes, maybe not deadly, but definitely unpleasant.

Trian glanced on her other hatchday presents - unsurprisingly, the vast majority of them were various pieces of jewelry, golden trinkets and gemstones. Her friends knew about her weakness for shiny objects and sometimes even joked that she must be a gold dragoness in disguise... but apparently, this year someone had decided to give her a bush in red pot.

She regarded the present tag once more. There was only one phrase written in elegant handwriting: "Remember - when the bare and wintry woods we see, There's nothing more cheerful than the Holly-tree".

 

User Comments:

 

Reject: The first sentence is a fragment; it should start with 'The' or something similar. Also this is more of a scene than a description; it needs to be redone as one.

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I have a few descriptions written in similar style. The majority of them have positive reviews, but sometimes users reject them and comment that these are not proper descriptions. So... what do you think? Of course, if they really don't fit the site's standards, I'm going to rewrite them. I just thought that not every description has to be written in "this dragon is..." style and that sometimes we can leave it up to the reader to read between the lines.

[Lagie]

I'm curious about your opinion on something... How do you feel about describing your dragons through their thoughts, behaviors or scenes of their lives, instead of writing in "straight" descriptive mode? I've recently added description for this Holly:

 

 

 

I have a few descriptions written in similar style. The majority of them have positive reviews, but sometimes users reject them and comment that these are not proper descriptions. So... what do you think? Of course, if they really don't fit the site's standards, I'm going to rewrite them. I just thought that not every description has to be written in "this dragon is..." style and that sometimes we can leave it up to the reader to read between the lines.

The description is fine as is (bar the missing The, and I'd put 'glanced at' rather than 'glanced on'). Res was accepted though not in 'straight descriptive mode'. It's often a matter of a reviewer having set ideas of what they expect to see.

[Auriene]

The description is fine as is (bar the missing The, and I'd put 'glanced at' rather than 'glanced on').  Res was accepted though not in 'straight descriptive mode'.  It's often a matter of a reviewer having set ideas of what they expect to see.

Thank you

[Data_Girl_3]

Can't remember if I posted this before, but this is the description for my Holly Hatchling, Cranbertwist

 

The youngest of Luolon Long and Spirit Giver children. Since he first hatched, Cranbertwist always seemed smaller than most dragon hatchlings, but it was not until his wings began growing in that his parents saw reason to be worried. Cranbertwist's left wing was deformed from the very start, preventing the little dragon from learning how to fly. Despite the best efforts of the skilled healer, Ivory Starlight, nothing could be done to help Cranbertwist become airborne. At first, Luolon Long and Spirit Giver held great concern over what kind of life their small son would have, considering he would never be able to fly like the rest of the herd's hatchlings, and worried that he would feel left out while playing with them. But to their relief, Cranbertwist never showed any indication that he felt cheated due to his disability, even going so far as to point out that lots of dragons, such as Mystic Lyric and Terra Scythe, were naturally flightless and still managed to get by just fine.

 

Here are the Comments:

Accept: Nice -H

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Accept: "are naturally" -DT

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Accept: Aww, good for him. ~PG

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Accept: Good work! It sure explains why we only see a little part of the left wing

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Accept: Good story! ~D

Accept: ^^ That's a good way to make lemonade from lemons! ~Vixen~

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Abstain: Why is he frozen? I feel so sad (Why he's frozen for the accept)

 

...Why are you sad? Maybe I just wanted to freeze him so he'd stay a hatchling.

[Lagie]

Can't remember if I posted this before, but this is the description for my Holly Hatchling, Cranbertwist

 

Here are the Comments:

 

...Why are you sad? Maybe I just wanted to freeze him so he'd stay a hatchling.

After reading the description, I had guessed he was frozen so he wouldn't grow up with the deformed wing! Either way, it doesn't need to be spelled out in the description. (That's an amazing number of accepts! )

[Dirtytabs]

Kryod is fairly new to the Christmas celebrations but she's mature for her age because she says so, deal with it! She would like others to call her "t3h aws0me phen1x!!!!". t3h aws0me phen1x!!!! is such a random name and that's how she is. She loves randomly meeting new dragons in popular hangouts (but they have to be friendly, duh!) and takes a drinking straw everywhere and randomly pokes things with it. Kryod (or "t3h aws0me phen1x!!!!") has a best mate who is an ice dragon, so it's just like her mum and dad who are also solstice and ice; that is totally a random coincidence! They hunt and eat together and love to go to the local theatre to view comedic plays "becuz those r of fun and soooooo random!!!! xDDD".

 

Abstain: Not sure if drinking straws exist in medieval times.

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On Earth they did, just not plastic bendy ones. Think solid gold Sumerian straw and ryegrass straw that annoyingly wasn't very robust in fluid.

[Jashypoo]

Alan Turning is a very intelligent dragon. His favorite thing to do is solve puzzles and loves when a puzzle takes months for him to figure out. Because of him being gay, however, his dedication to his clan isn't noticed.

 

And a rejection I got was this:

 

its rather short, and just isn't worth it.

 

The user might not have meant it, but it seems a tad homophobic and isn't helpful at all. It doesn't tell me how to improve my description which I really want to do.

 

Am talking to someone else at the moment who gave me some pointers of how to improve

[Orlageddon]

OKAY so I got back into Periodic Clan descrips and haven't been getting many comments, but today I got this:

 

Neon is probably the most popular of the famous Noble Gases, idols of many dragons all across the Periodic Clan. With graceful movements, a nice singing voice and a good sense of rhythm, he's a performance artist and all about the show at all times, particularly renowned for his aerial acrobatics, catchy songs, and using his magical abilities for flashy light effects and the like. His fame has made him fairly stuck-up with typical diva manners though, he'll give other dragons a hard time if they don't meet his demands, or simply because they're unworthy of the superstar's presence. He loves nothing more than being in the center of attention, though he's really not all that bright and oft winds up making a fool of himself with inane remarks and frequent pointing out of the obvious. He's a major tease with a bit of a 'look-don't-touch' attitude, often found flirting with dragonnesses and dragons alike, although the moment one dares to lay a paw on him - he's suddenly nowhere to be seen.

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    Reject: say "often" instead of "oft"

so uh, I don't mean to be rude, but why?

English isn't my first language, so it's perfectly likely I missed something there, but I've been convinced that 'oft' was fine to use - if a little archaic. Anyone care to clarify?

Besides, if it's wrong then I've got a problem, because I only have one character left - so, to say 'often', I'd have to rephrase things all around... and this description happens to be one of my favorites, so I'd rather not unless truly necessary D:

[Gingehfish]

'Oft' is acceptable in my book, but it is archaic and not used very much. I would have given an accept. That person is just being picky.

[Earth Gurl]

This dragon believes in nothing as much as he believes in luck. When his best friend, L'amour, and he were hatchlings, they were attacked by a furious Red dragon. The Red dragon was furious because he never felt the Christmas spirit. He stomped on the two dragons and nearly tore them to pieces. This dragon managed to escape and flew for help. He flew frantically searching for the Avatars. They arrived just in time to quell the Red dragon's anger.

L'amour was rushed to the Heal Sector and the Whites, and this dragon, now called Lucky X-Mas, was hailed a hero and awarded with a medal. In addition, he is allowed in the Master's Estate any time he likes. He was also made a Cave Elder for his bravery in the face of danger.

Each Christmas, he spreads Christmas cheer by giving gifts to hatchlings and scouring EG's Cave for hatchlings in peril.

 

Reject: grammar, wrong terminology,

 

(yes, this is the full comment, they probably meant to say more after the comma but didn't)

What did I do wrong here? because I honestly don't see anything... except maybe scoured? Which I will change now to "searching". I'm usually careful with my usage and commas...

Edited January 17, 2015 by Earth Gurl

[Lagie]

Looks fine to me, bar the "When he and his best friend" reversal.

 

I like scoured...

Edited January 17, 2015 by Lagie

[Stormphoenix42]

Red dragons are one of the most common breeds in this Cave, but many of them are descended from a single pair. To prevent inbreeding, Ezizel has taken it upon himself to keep detailed records of each Red dragon's lineage. His cave is covered in rolls of parchment, each with complicated symbols representing mated pairs of Reds. He has so far refused to take a mate himself, knowing that his own lineage is quite long and rather mixed. The other dragons pretend to take no notice of his work, but whenever one of the young Reds begins to show interest in a mate, the parents of the intended couple are sure to discreetly seek Ezizel's advice before encouraging the pair.

 

Accept: Ha ha! Finally a dragon's description that mentions careful avoidance of inbreeding. -DT

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I think they all do it, but it's not something to discuss in polite company

(This is based on a notebook I've started keeping. I've got a category for each generation, and a symbol for each pair of CB reds and their descendants.)

 

Shatterbird is known for her massive glass creations. Very few of these creations last, however, as she is a relentless perfectionist. She is proud, almost haughty, and refuses to let any work she considers flawed be associated with her. Creations that don't meet her standards are abruptly smashed, sending shards of glass flying.

Wildbow, a Sunstone dragon, found this out the hard way. He had reached a difficult place in his story, Wyrm, and had decided to go for a walk and think it over. Deep in thought, his path led him down to the beach that housed many of Shatterbird's creations. His only warning was a frustrated growl, before glass came flying toward him like a barrage of translucent arrows. Wildbow escaped injury only by ducking behind his manuscript, which unfortunately had to be rewritten. Irritated at the extra work, he wrote Shatterbird into the story as a dangerous villainess with silicakinetic powers.

 

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Accept: How can I not accept this?! lol, good job.

 

To the commenter: Have you read Parahumans? I've got a few others like this in the queue.

To the random rejector:

 

Also, as always, thanks to everyone who leaves a comment on my descriptions. I've gotten some really nice notes on my Avatars and a few other more 'dramatic' ones.

Edited January 18, 2015 by Stormphoenix42