Emotional Support

[Paradisiske]

actually i just want to point out that the media was supporting the democrats over trump and putting overly negative attention on trump over hillary. why is this bad? because the media isnt supposed to be biased for its viewers. the media isnt supposed to take any sides. now how do we know that the media was doing this? wikileaks

 

now trump did say some stuff that makes me want to puke

 

but you know what was a factor in trump winning? the overly negative media attention on trump did the opposite of make people want to vote for hillary it made them go to trump. its basically reverse psychological effects.

 

 

now for those of you in the lgbtq+ community and females and minorities i will fight to the death to support your basic human rights no matter who the hell is president

 

but i have to say im glad social security and stuff like it wont be gaining anything from trump being president. its a good program in theory and on paper like communism but just like comunism in reality social security is detrimental to good more people than it actually helps

[diaveborn]

Can everybody just...

 

This is a safe place. Everyone has a right to their own feelings and emotions. This is not the place to tell users that they are wrong or selfish. This is not a place to tell people not to complain. If you are found demeaning or dismissing a user or their situation, you will receive a warn.

 

[AngelKitty]

I'm afraid to even post this right now.

 

I'll say it right now: my family voted for Trump. And that's only because they don't trust Hillary; my dad worked in the military for 20 years and fought in Afghanistan. Benghazi and what's happened to the military in the past 8 years left such a negative impact on my family that they could never vote for Hillary. They definitely don't like Trump either, but we had to choose between one or the other. I genuinely wish there was a "N/A" option on the ballot; I'm pretty sure my parents (and many others) would've picked that this election.

 

I couldn't even vote, and I've been harassed by my classmates for my parents' decision. I've posted about my mental issues here earlier; since I don't have any reliable emotional support in real life, I go to the Internet to calm down after a rough day but today all I see whenever I go to any site is droves of people calling my family deplorable and anti-human rights due to their choice of vote. Even the people who I've made friends with online are attacking us and I don't know what to do.

 

I feel so alone and I feel like I've been driven into a corner due to circumstances beyond my control. I genuinely feel for the people who fear for themselves - I'm female, asexual and on the spectrum (my dad and my brother are also autistic), and I have no idea what's going to happen. Either way my family had to vote for a person who they despised; now we're caught in the crossfire, people are taking their frustrations out on us and there's nobody we can turn to. I was so nervous to post this because I was afraid of backlash due to our family being Republican... I really need a hug.

Your family are not deplorable or anti-human-rights for voting for Trump. I'm really sorry you're getting harassed and that your family is being used as a proverbial punching bag. Fear, founded or not, is no excuse to bully you or anyone else, and nobody should feel afraid for themselves because of who they (or their family) voted for.

 

*Hug!* Best wishes to you and your family! You know what you stand for, and that's what's really important.

[georgexu94]

@FlyingDragona: I'm sorry that you have to encounter this. As said above, nobody has the right to bully or nitpick somebody for voting a candidate. We all have the freedom to vote whoever we want to, and get the respect for whatever decision it is.

 

Have a healthy discussion with others who differ in opinion, whether these others are your classmates, older people, teachers, or even strangers. Tell them your framework for choosing that decision. And, listen what they also have to say. If they do not listen to ypu nor respect what you have to say, they aren't worthy of your time and effort.

 

 

I am not familiar with US Election procedures, but when I voted, I knew I could abstain and not shade any circle and choose a candidate. Also, there are other candidates, but I am aware voting for these would not result much. So that is another problem.

[aerolyx]

When your own family verbally insults and gives you heck over an opinion...

 

No not my immediate family thankfully, but more like my aunts and uncles. Most of my family is VERY diehard republican. They are very loud, hateful, and opinionated as well. So you can guess who they voted for. When the whole election was going on and I hung out with them, they would never stop being hateful and ranting about it to anyone in earshot. Often times that was me and you know what, I fully disagreed with them (and also tbh wondered at times how we're related). It made me sad and frustrated but I never said anything. Because everyone IS entitled to their opinions I feel

 

Anyways to the point, I shared a brief post on facebook (I dunno why I thought it was a good idea to go there in retrospect) expressing my fear with the results and what happens? Those same family members got mad. They mocked me, posted unfunny memes, ect. If this was some random jerk i'd ignore it but that's my FAMILY saying those things. The same one who preach how "oh family is number one!!! We'll love you no matter what". Right...

 

Of course I don't hate them at all but I....I hate to admit it but im more intimidated by them now?? Well a certain few have always scared me but now im kinda embarrassed and afraid of them too? I dealt with all their garbage without a word but the second I say/do anything, its bad and I should be ashamed? That's so wrong

 

I guess this makes me feel more alone too. I know millions and millions of people feel this way too right now so im not truly alone but...I barely have any friends. Family is all I got...or so I thought. I dunno it just hurts.

Edited November 10, 2016 by aerolyx

[georgexu94]

So it is not just me who have problems at home with family, I see...

 

And everybody is talking about the US Elections everywhere, I see... *sigh* No matter how somebody is determined to stand firmly to an idea, or in this instance a presidential candidate, with conviction, she still does not have any right to insult or dismiss somebody else's different views. We should really learn to respect. I am sorry to hear that many people here (and some others as well) aren't receiving that enough respect because of their difference in opinions and views.

[Esko]

I've heard of an incident in Virginia (or maybe it was West Virginia, I don't entirely remember) where a trans trucker got a Molotov cocktail thrown at them. Their truck was spraypainted with the word TRUMP. Also a few swastikas appearing around. I heard this from my dad, so it might not be entirely true -if at all- but it's still terrible to hear these things.

 

To anybody with family problems in the election- We're here for you. The DC community is a mature, loving, welcoming bunch that becomes a second family. If you need advice or just an Internet hug, we got chu, fam.

[aerolyx]

i'm sorry for everyone else going through bad times because of this election too.

 

@angelssin you're totally right and I need to remember that. That's why I started posting on dc in the first place....because it seems like a nice community and I was right. I used to just pop on once in awhile and kinda lurk because I was too shy but..well I worked up the nerve and joined the forum anyways. Im so glad I did because i've been met with only kindness and respect so far and I appreciate it so much

 

That goes to all of you too. You're all great and deserve only the best and many hugs. Times are rough now but we will make it through like always.

[EscapistLore]

*comes in and sits on a pillow with tea*

 

Hey... I think I just need a hug. I wrote up a thing to share but... I don't think I'm brave enough. Its not the nicest.

 

*has cookies to share*

[georgexu94]

I've heard of an incident in Virginia (or maybe it was West Virginia, I don't entirely remember) where a trans trucker got a Molotov cocktail thrown at them. Their truck was spraypainted with the word TRUMP. Also a few swastikas appearing around. I heard this from my dad, so it might not be entirely true -if at all- but it's still terrible to hear these things.

 

To anybody with family problems in the election- We're here for you. The DC community is a mature, loving, welcoming bunch that becomes a second family. If you need advice or just an Internet hug, we got chu, fam.

:'> That is heartwarming to read. Thank you! DC has come to be a second home indeed. Well, for me it is third, but none of that matters.

 

I actually was reluctant to share, but I still receive ridicule from my dad because I voted for Ma'am Miriam (Santiago) [i hail from the Philippines] and recently she had passed away. Well, he would say that our current president (Mr. DU30) is stupid or so on, and somehow would say something about it against me, just because he is my second option or I like him, etc. (I ranked the five candidates). *sigh*

[TheDarkCynder]

Just really needed a place to vent a bit and. despite not really checking these forums too much anymore, this thread is the first place that came to mind.

 

I moved out of my dad's house a bit over a year ago. I had around $10,000 on me, maybe a little more, thinking it'd be good to save to get a start on education after getting a job. I moved out of my dad's house to move in with my boyfriend and it'd been going great. I have really bad anxiety and paranoia, but I was incredibly determined and confident that I'd be able to get a job, especially since I'd done an internship in high school where I was essentially an assistant to an office worker and enjoyed thriving with work every day of it.

I started out kinda passively applying to jobs, but nothing really came out of it. I had a handful of interviews, but it never went further than that. I started getting a little panicked because I absolutely do not think I could work in customer service; to this day after having lived with a few roommates for over a year I can't even greet them without stuttering or worry intensely about running into one every time I leave the room.

Obviously, my $10,000 quickly dwindles down going towards rent before I'm left with nothing and still no job. My boyfriend pays my share of rent with no problems, but obviously we can't stay like this if we ever want to have our own place and such, and it stresses me out every single day.

 

So, several months ago, a golden opportunity opened up for me. My boyfriend works at a hotel and they'd had an opening for a laundry attendant position, and he asked me if I'd like for him to tell his manager about me. Naturally, I said yes, and after an incredibly short interview, I ended up getting the job.

The first day was fantastic. It was really stressful for me, especially because I had to talk to guests in the hotel a lot more than I'd expected to, and the work was really rough and confusing, but I pulled through. The woman training me was very nice, and just had me do basic things for the first day, guiding me through everything really carefully. She'd be training me for a week, so I was really confident that I'd be able to learn everything well and succeed. I even spent a while afterwards perfecting my ability to quickly fold towels the proper way.

The next day was absolutely awful. It was one of the busiest days of the week for the hotel, but I didn't know what that meant for me before it started. The workload ended up being several times what it was the day before. I walked in with a lot of optimism and enthusiasm. And then the manager told me my trainer didn't come in today, and that I'd have to figure everything out myself.

He had one of the housekeepers go over everything I had to do, but I didn't understand any of it. There were so many things I had to keep track of all at once; check the computer for rooms that guests had checked out of (a computer system I had no idea how to navigate), strip all of the sheets and towels out of each room, load all of the laundry into a huge industrial washing machine, fold all of it, as well as knock on guest doors to ask for their towels. (Also, I had to go into the room if there was no answer and no "do not disturb" sign, even if they were sleeping, and grab used towels.) All of this being incredibly fast paced because the housekeepers couldn't clean rooms if they weren't stripped of laundry.

 

I hadn't been taught to do most of this. All I'd done on the first day was strip maybe five rooms or so myself, watch my trainer use the washing machine without explaining how to use it, and then fold some laundry. Today I had to strip 40 rooms myself, load all of that laundry, and fold all of it. I tried so hard. I tried so hard to do everything as fast as I could to the best of my understanding. But I quickly fell behind. Knowing I was disappointing people, I started panicking incredibly hard, which made everything so much harder. But I tried so hard! I really did. That's probably the worst part of this whole thing for me, is how hard I tried. I mistake at one point and one of the housekeepers chastised me for it, saying "I must've gotten lazy and forgotten to do it" really sarcastically, and it broke me. A lot of the hotel staff ended up having to fold laundry with me because I absolutely never had time to sit down and fold it. I worked for 7 hours that day without so much as stopping for a second or taking a drink of water. At one point I was so dehydrated and desperate while rushing to work that I stuck my face under a bathroom sink in a room for a second just to wet my tongue. There just wasn't any time to stop. The manager would constantly get angry at me for not being able to keep up. And other people would have their own jobs delayed if I stopped for something like that.

After just having laundry to fold, I was so exhausted, both physically and emotionally, I could barely keep myself together. The manager told me I'd have to stay for several more hours just to fold all of the laundry. I was okay at folding most things, but I'd only barely gotten an understanding of folding fitted sheets. I could've passed out from exhaustion. Then, the one positive thing to happen the entire day, was the front desk employee changed shifts with an incredibly sweet woman who came back to help me fold since she'd have a lot of downtime in her shift. She asked me how I was doing, and I told her honestly that I was overwhelmed and explained that this was my second day and the person training me didn't come in. She understood.

 

Eventually the manager came and told me to leave for the day, and the front desk woman told me she'd take care of the rest of the laundry. After stepping outside, I was shaking so bad and immediately started bawling when I got home. My muscles ached for days afterwards. I didn't go in the next day, nor did I even tell anyone I was going to stop coming in. I just couldn't. My boyfriend told me they'd gone through several housekeepers after me that quit, and that it was ridiculous they tried to give someone on their second day the workload that one experienced person wouldn't even be able to handle alone. I didn't regret quitting unprofessionally after hearing that.

But I regret quitting. After being so confident about getting a job, I just... quit. I let myself down, and I let my boyfriend down. I'm back to leaching off of him. And where before I was optimistic, if a little nervous and discouraged, about finding a job, I'm now absolutely mortified at the idea. I'm 20 years old and I've been mortified about getting a job after this experience, and all it comes down to is essentially being lazy and leaching off of my boyfriend.

[georgexu94]

@TheDarkCynder: *pats* There, there. It is alright to tey a job and find that it is not for your stomach. And as for quitting unprofessionally, hey, I don't care. If they do not treat you well, then leave. I actually had left unprofessionally for an interview because the recruiter was very late and stupid. He did not even tell me the exact place and had me waited for an hour and a half.

 

I suggest taking your rest first before trying out in a new venture. Talk to your boyfriend about this in a way that can be helpful for you. List down your plans. Have them written down and suggest plans for action.

[RWyvern]

TW: suicide mention, self harm, some descriptions of things. Pls don't read if you're upset by that! D:

 

So, after the election, as many of you know, things have been going pretty badly. Even here in Australia, and many people have been taking it very, very hard. In fact, one of my friends possibly has nerve damage in their hand now.

 

But amidst all the stories I'm hearing and now this with my friend... why do I feel completely apathetic towards it?

 

I've felt like this for pretty much a year now.

 

Like, I feel sad. I feel concern. But only deep down. Anything along the lines of 'self harm, suicide, self-hatred etc.' is literally not met with anything from me - it's like the appropriate responses are locked away, if that makes sense? Part of me wants to keep it that way, and unfortunately that's the conscious part. So I just keep on repressing and I don't know how bad that is, if it is at all. These days, I avoid nearly anything that makes me sad and carries the risks of these things - that includes establishing new relationships.

 

The only answer I can put to this is that after someone very close to me attempted suicide... three times... and committed horrendous self harm, I was diagnosed thereafter with mild PTSD. I sometimes suddenly become fearful of seeing blood on things (probably related to the first attempt... an image I still see vividly), sometimes I think I see that person actuallly, y'know... successful but it's just my imagination. I hear sounds at night and I'm fully awake and listening for anything, I have nightmares to this day and even if that person's usual habits are a little off schedule and they don't walk past at a certain time I get anxious.

 

So all this taken into account, I suspect that's the reason I feel so apathetic towards these things. In a literal 'whatever, it's your business and I'm not getting dragged into this' kind of way. It feels bad but like I said early, I maintain a conscious effort to keep it that way. It's not like I abandon people, but I will not EVER speak of those subjects and just focus on other things in an effort to try and divert their minds as well.

 

Really, I just wanna little hug. I occasionally post here but delete them. And that's fine, I'd rather I kept most stuff to myself. But given that what I typed about here maybe actually affects others...? Is it more damaging to them than I assume?

 

ETA: Avoidance. I think that sounds close? I avoid things if they have upset me in the past and/or have the potential to do so again.

hmm

Edited November 11, 2016 by rampaging wyvern

[georgexu94]

@rampaging wyvern: :-/ Erm, I do not understand much about the issue that you posted. I read your post several times and I still do not understand. All I know is you need to seek professional help for these as not all of us here are licensed.

 

Anyway, I am sorry you have to encounter these self harm issues.

 

Regarding the recent elections, I can say one thing. At the end of the day, it still is up to the citizens to make the nation great. Sure, current elected leaders are ****ty and so on, but we have a democratic state where people have the power, power to change. We should use that power to change for the better.

[CatCreature]

rampaging wyvern

I know how it is when you get apathetic. It's your brain telling you that it had enough. No space left so to speak. It might lead to a deep depression if you're not careful. Seeking professional help will help.

 

I know how hard it is to be selfish but you can't lend a hand to someone if you're not steady on your feet. You will fall too. So take care of YOU when you need it. <3

[AppleMango]

When your own family verbally insults and gives you heck over an opinion...

 

No not my immediate family thankfully, but more like my aunts and uncles. Most of my family is VERY diehard republican. They are very loud, hateful, and opinionated as well. So you can guess who they voted for. When the whole election was going on and I hung out with them, they would never stop being hateful and ranting about it to anyone in earshot. Often times that was me and you know what, I fully disagreed with them (and also tbh wondered at times how we're related). It made me sad and frustrated but I never said anything. Because everyone IS entitled to their opinions I feel

 

Anyways to the point, I shared a brief post on facebook (I dunno why I thought it was a good idea to go there in retrospect) expressing my fear with the results and what happens? Those same family members got mad. They mocked me, posted unfunny memes, ect. If this was some random jerk i'd ignore it but that's my FAMILY saying those things. The same one who preach how "oh family is number one!!! We'll love you no matter what". Right...

 

Of course I don't hate them at all but I....I hate to admit it but im more intimidated by them now?? Well a certain few have always scared me but now im kinda embarrassed and afraid of them too? I dealt with all their garbage without a word but the second I say/do anything, its bad and I should be ashamed? That's so wrong

 

I guess this makes me feel more alone too. I know millions and millions of people feel this way too right now so im not truly alone but...I barely have any friends. Family is all I got...or so I thought. I dunno it just hurts.

That sucks that happened to you I hope you're okay.

 

I have a sort of similar experience, it's not as bad as yours, but I'm sure that unfortunately there are others like you and you aren't alone. <3

I posted something about being unhappy Trump won, and my boyfriend's mother said "You know your boyfriends step-family voted for him?" And then proceeded to be rude to the person who replied to the comment She is so immature sometimes. (We're Australian but my boyfriend's step-dad is from America and his family are American)

 

If you click on the button next to post when you are typing a status you can block certain people from seeing your statuses. So you can have like "Friends except: (your aunts and uncles"

This change will stay for all your statuses until you change it again. OR you can change the status after you post it and it will apply to just that status. You just click the little arrow in the top right corner of the status and press edit and then the button is next to the save button.

You should be able to share your opinion without being scared of what people will say.

 

 

------------------------------------------------

 

@EscapistLore

*hugs*

 

Edited November 11, 2016 by AppleMango

[SullenCat]

After a long discussion with my mom

The reason I hate myself

The reason I pick every flaw

The reason my self esteem is gone

Is my dad.

He's a hateful beat me down man

 

54 years and that never changed. She knows there's a sliver of good in him but we just need to pull it out somehow Meds, therapy, doesn't work

 

~While we deeply feel for what you're going for, unfortunately, we are just not well enough equipped to be able to help you. Please contact some emergency helpline or text service if you don't have other options for getting help~ I feel awful. I feel alone.  I just helped a friend get her own partner and now...everyone that had disbanded from the group now has someone, a love.

All but me. Now nobody will care, they have someone to care for. I'm almost out of school, and unlike most, I haven't found a special someone...and probably won't.

Oh my...

Please know that you are not alone. Please know that we care. I know I do. PM me, I will be glad to send you my mobile number and will talk with you for as long as you wish.

Few weeks ago, my partner lost a battle with cancer. I feel damaged and sorry. I wish I could somehow "compensate" and feel that her battle wasn't useless.

I beg you, do not give up. I'm here for you. This community is here for you.

Edited November 13, 2016 by SockPuppet Strangler

[Obscure_Trash]

@sockpuppetstrangler no offense meant but that is not really a great way to talk to or deal with someone going through this speaking from personal experience rules or no, you literally could push her over the edge and yes just rejecting disallowing her to speak can do that, it doesn't take much when your going through it and I know we aren't professionals and taking on that responsibility can be problematic but not doing so does as well. professional help I found doesn't always help because professionals are people too and they make mistakes too and as such they are just as capable of saying or doing the wrong thing and making it worse. Sorry if responding to you is wrong but I feel very strongly about this.

This is a perfectly valid response, and I appreciate your reply. This issue is why I didn't remove your response.

 

However, for the safety of all forum users, it is clearly stated in the first post that we are not equipped to be able to handle such serious issues. There are plenty of forum, text, and phone-based helplines and means of support for these types of things that put people into contact with those who are better equipped to help people through problems such as self-harm than the general userbase on DC.

 

I would not be against adding some sort of list of forum users that could be PM'd for various self-harm issues (and they could specify cutting, eating disorders, etc.), but I'm not up for simply removing the rule, as several users did agree with/appreciate the addition of the rule.

Edited November 13, 2016 by SockPuppet Strangler

[Fuzzbucket]

Perhaps gentler, less dispassionate wording when deleting might help ? More along the lines of "Removed; it's not that we don't care, but we aren't professionals and cannot handle this kind of information, which may also trigger reactions in others. Please seek professional help as soon as you can."

 

* * * *

 

NoraNora - we are all here for you, and we do care; is there perhaps a crisis line you can call ?

Edited November 13, 2016 by fuzzbucket

[Obscure_Trash]

Perhaps less dispassionate wording when deleting might help ? More along the lines of "we aren't professionals and cannot handle this kind of information, which may also trigger reactiosn in others; please seek professional help as soon as you can."

 

NoraNora - we are all here for you; is there perhaps a crisis line you can call ?

I actually was doing that in the past. It's been a while since the issue's come up, though, so I did forget my usual response. I can go edit again.

[SullenCat]

This is a perfectly valid response, and I appreciate your reply. This issue is why I didn't remove your response.

 

However, for the safety of all forum users, it is clearly stated in the first post that we are not equipped to be able to handle such serious issues. There are plenty of forum, text, and phone-based helplines and means of support for these types of things that put people into contact with those who are better equipped to help people through problems such as self-harm than the general userbase on DC.

 

I would not be against adding some sort of list of forum users that could be PM'd for various self-harm issues (and they could specify cutting, eating disorders, etc.), but I'm not up for simply removing the rule, as several users did agree with/appreciate the addition of the rule.

I'm appalled. I'm aware that the the majority of the users is "not equipped to be able to handle serious issues", but, at the same time, if this is the only place where they will express their desperation, we must do something other than tell them that is not our problem. Before it is too late.

[Fuzzbucket]

I actually was doing that in the past. It's been a while since the issue's come up, though, so I did forget my usual response. I can go edit again.

Thank you. That is a major improvement.

 

Sullen - I hear what you are saying, but as one who has worked in health services for many years, the wrong advice from some well meaning member here could make things worse. I don't think Sock is saying it isn't our problem - and I hope Nora Nora does feel she can come here and ask for hugs and so on; we will all be there to hear about her feelings about her father and her loneliness - both are awful for her, and my heart goes out to her - but details of cutting, suicide plans and the like can trigger others to do likewise.

Edited November 13, 2016 by fuzzbucket

[SullenCat]

Thank you. That is a major improvement.

 

Sullen - I hear what you are saying, but as one who has worked in health services for many years, the wrong advice from some well meaning member here could make things worse. I don't think Sock is saying it isn't our problem - and I hope Nora Nora does feel she can come here and ask for hugs and so on; we will all be there to hear about her feelings about her father and her loneliness - both are awful for her, and my heart goes out to her - but details of cutting, suicide planes and the like can trigger others to do likewise.

Fuzzy dear,

I can understand and share your point of view. Let's just hope we don't read about NoraNora in the news and feel like c..p because we did not do more.

Love you lots,

Me

[Eto]

Let's just hope we don't read about NoraNora in the news and feel like c..p because we did not do more.

it's a bit rude to talk about noranora in that sense, don't you think?

this thread is a place for supporting people who need emotional support, not to assume what may happen or your own personal feelings concerning the matter.

 

personally, i support the idea of censoring graphic details. fuzzbucket is right; none of us (or very few) are actual trained professionals, and the wrong advice, even meaningful, can have a negative impact.

it's also important to keep in mind that there are users with triggers who are reading the forums, and especially this topic.

 

sock - i like the idea of creating a list of users who are open to receiving messages to talk about sensitive subjects! thank you for being so supportive in spite of everything. <3

 

noranora - lots of hugs and support; remember that you do not owe your parents anything if they aren't fulfilling the role of a parent. there is so much more for you, an entire future, beyond this. you will survive this. your parents do not and can not dictate who you are nor your importance on this earth.

[SullenCat]

it's a bit rude to talk about noranora in that sense, don't you think?

this thread is a place for supporting people who need emotional support, not to assume what may happen or your own personal feelings concerning the matter.

Rude???? Really???? Explain why. It is easy to just insult someone else without bringing up why. Guess what, I can't find a single word in my posts to justify your accusations. Just go ahead and explain your rationale.