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Its just so hard for me to not beat up myself about any little mistake, because the closer and closer I feel like I'm getting to a C, I beat myself up more. My parents won't let me get C's. If I get a C I'm grounded from every electronic until the next report card. (Nine weeks) And just... That makes me panick. Badly.

 

And the fact I wasn't allowed into my favorite field of science, herpetology, (even though it's not a science credit at my highschool) because I was going to do both biology and herpetology in the same yea and that's not allowed now.

 

And I'm sorry if it seems like I'm complaining, it's just no one will actually ever take the time and listen to me vent, and as selfish as that sounds, I need to tell people about my problems so I can have support and stuff, since I haven't really had that.

 

But on the bright side, my cat won't stop meowing at my mom and following her around and that makes me laugh. And when we get enough money I'll be able to get another Betta.

I know the feeling of not having electronics because I was grounded for a while. At least you don't have a big yard to rake up smile.gif so that's a plus. I really didn't care for my 8th grade year and I really wished I had cared.

 

Don't worry about complaining or being selfish. That's what this thread is here for. To offer support and comfort -hugs-

 

It's always good to have a pet around whether it be a dog or cat. Animals are huge stress relievers and know when something's bothering you. If I am disgruntled and am in a bad mood, as soon as walk through my front door, my cat is there to greet me. She knows how to change my mood in a heartbeat. Maybe the cat knows you're stressed and is trying to help in the only way it knows how.

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(in advance, please ignore autocorrect errors that I may not notice.)

 

I have a beautiful daughter who is 9 weeks old, however, I had a lot of problems during the pregnancy. At approximately 6 weeks pregnant, i collapsed with stomach pain and was told it was a suspected ectopic pregnancy, fortunately it was just a kidney stone. I was then diagnosed early on with hyperemesis, because I was vomiting over 40 times a day. I was rushed into hospital repeatedly to be put into IV fluids because of the dehydration. After this, I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, and as soon as they realised that after a routine scan because my placenta wasnt functioning properly, i was admitted and going to be kept in until I had my little girl. I hated being kept in and was constantly on hourly obs, more medication than i care to remember, and 4 times a day i was put on the baby heartbeat monitor for two hour periods. The whole experience was a nightmare, but nothing prepared me for the crapstorm that was labor.

 

On the 14th July, my blood pressure became completely uncontrollable and doctors decided I had to be induced immediately, so I was taken down to the delivery suite, put on an arterial line to monitor my blood pressure constantly and given the pessary. What they discovered was that the "braxton hicks" I'd been having all day were actually contractions and I was in slow labor. Id been having regular pains for 15 hours and only dilated to one centimetre. I was taken down at about 11:30PM. However, throughout the next few hours, my blood pressure became critical at 231/119 (fluctuating up and down but only slightly), and so I was prepped for a category 1 emergency cesarean section. I don't remember much of that night apart from being taken in, being jerked around and then hearing my baby crying. She was born 5 weeks premature, weighing 4lb 5 at 7:43 on July 15th.

 

Then the worst part came. For the first 24 hours, I was still so I'll that I was kept in the delivery suite in the high dependency unit. All I got for the first day of her life was a single picture of her. I hadn't held her or seen her properly. When I was finally taken up the transitional care unit, I was happy to be with my little girl. Only, they told me that her blood sugars were constantly dipping and after having only a couple of hours with her, she was rushed off to the Neonatal intensive care unit. I could visit her whenever I wanted and I walked up and down from the third floor to the ground floor having only just had the operation the day before so I could sit with her, having to go back to get my painkillers and other medications so I was in constant agony (No rest for the wicked I suppose.) I was told that they had done tests and her haemoglobin count was far far too high. She had polycythemia which is a life threatening thickening of the blood treated with an exchange transfusion. they took out half of her blood and replaced it with saline to allow her blood to be able to run through her body properly, as before it was like sludge. It was so thick, they couldn't actually get it through a cannula properly and had to scoop it out. Finally, she came back up on the ward after recovering from the transfusion and I finally had skin to skin contact after almost a week of her being born.

 

She has since been a rather poorly baby, having got croup rather young, then being told she has suspected laryngomalacia which may need surgery in the future. She doesn't sleep well and she can only be comforted by myself. Her father left me the night I was told I might be ectopic, so I have no help from him or any contact with him at all, as he lives in WI and Im in England.

 

Now I have developed Post-Natal Depression and I feel like the worst mother in the world. I love my little girl to bits but sometimes I just feel like I hate her. Like she has ruined my life, and like I want to walk out and never come back. Or we will go for walks and I'll have horrible premonitions of a car mounting the curb and hitting the pram and I end up having panic attacks over the thoughts. I will always love her, but I just feel like such a failure, especially after everything I've gone through with her, how can I ever feel like I hate her? How could I look at her and feel so empty? The loneliness is so crippling and sometimes I really struggle to cope. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? What do I do now? I'm terrified of telling anyone around me how I feel because I don't want people to think I'm not good enough for my daughter, and why wouldn't they when I feel so inadequate sometimes? Am I just being selfish? What do I do?

Okay. I am not a mother so I have no idea what you are going through. It's human nature to be selish, it's like a disease, we can't get rid of it. The fact that you got those notions that a car could end up hitting you means you care for her. You may not realize it, but I think you care for her truly and deeply even though you may not realize it yet. And I don't expect you to see it right away because you just went through horrible stuff during your pregnancy and the fact that her father left you to raise her by yourself, which is in a way selfish on his part. however, take a good hard look on the bright side.

 

You are still alive. Your daughter is still alive. You have a home you can go to. You have food and water. And I'm positive that you're going to meet a guy who truly cares for you and will stay by your side no matter what you're going through. He's going to take one look at you're little girl and think she is the most beautiful girl in the world.

 

I'm sorry if this doesn't encourage you, I'm not the best at trying to encourage people, but every story is in my thoughts and prayers.

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Thank you sock and angel.

 

Its just so hard for me to not beat up myself about any little mistake, because the closer and closer I feel like I'm getting to a C, I beat myself up more. My parents won't let me get C's. If I get a C I'm grounded from every electronic until the next report card. (Nine weeks) And just... That makes me panick. Badly.

 

And the fact I wasn't allowed into my favorite field of science, herpetology, (even though it's not a science credit at my highschool) because I was going to do both biology and herpetology in the same yea and that's not allowed now.

 

And I'm sorry if it seems like I'm complaining, it's just no one will actually ever take the time and listen to me vent, and as selfish as that sounds, I need to tell people about my problems so I can have support and stuff, since I haven't really had that.

 

But on the bright side, my cat won't stop meowing at my mom and following her around and that makes me laugh. And when we get enough money I'll be able to get another Betta.

This is an apology free thread. It is here so you can complain and get support. All you've done is used it when you needed. There's nothing wrong with that. It's why this thread exists. ;3

 

I'm really sorry your parents overreact to your grades like that. Society puts a lot of pressure on making anything less than an A seem like failure, but it's not. And honestly, if you are failing, there are so many factors that could go into why that even getting a D or an F may not be a direct reflection on you.

 

You should be allowed to get a C. I hope you can take that herpetology class! It sounds really fun, and it's awesome that your school offers it.

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(in advance, please ignore autocorrect errors that I may not notice.)

 

I have a beautiful daughter who is 9 weeks old, however, I had a lot of problems during the pregnancy. At approximately 6 weeks pregnant, i collapsed with stomach pain and was told it was a suspected ectopic pregnancy, fortunately it was just a kidney stone. I was then diagnosed early on with hyperemesis, because I was vomiting over 40 times a day. I was rushed into hospital repeatedly to be put into IV fluids because of the dehydration. After this, I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, and as soon as they realised that after a routine scan because my placenta wasnt functioning properly, i was admitted and going to be kept in until I had my little girl. I hated being kept in and was constantly on hourly obs, more medication than i care to remember, and 4 times a day i was put on the baby heartbeat monitor for two hour periods. The whole experience was a nightmare, but nothing prepared me for the crapstorm that was labor.

 

On the 14th July, my blood pressure became completely uncontrollable and doctors decided I had to be induced immediately, so I was taken down to the delivery suite, put on an arterial line to monitor my blood pressure constantly and given the pessary. What they discovered was that the "braxton hicks" I'd been having all day were actually contractions and I was in slow labor. Id been having regular pains for 15 hours and only dilated to one centimetre. I was taken down at about 11:30PM. However, throughout the next few hours, my blood pressure became critical at 231/119 (fluctuating up and down but only slightly), and so I was prepped for a category 1 emergency cesarean section. I don't remember much of that night apart from being taken in, being jerked around and then hearing my baby crying. She was born 5 weeks premature, weighing 4lb 5 at 7:43 on July 15th.

 

Then the worst part came. For the first 24 hours, I was still so I'll that I was kept in the delivery suite in the high dependency unit. All I got for the first day of her life was a single picture of her. I hadn't held her or seen her properly. When I was finally taken up the transitional care unit, I was happy to be with my little girl. Only, they told me that her blood sugars were constantly dipping and after having only a couple of hours with her, she was rushed off to the Neonatal intensive care unit. I could visit her whenever I wanted and I walked up and down from the third floor to the ground floor having only just had the operation the day before so I could sit with her, having to go back to get my painkillers and other medications so I was in constant agony (No rest for the wicked I suppose.) I was told that they had done tests and her haemoglobin count was far far too high. She had polycythemia which is a life threatening thickening of the blood treated with an exchange transfusion. they took out half of her blood and replaced it with saline to allow her blood to be able to run through her body properly, as before it was like sludge. It was so thick, they couldn't actually get it through a cannula properly and had to scoop it out. Finally, she came back up on the ward after recovering from the transfusion and I finally had skin to skin contact after almost a week of her being born.

 

She has since been a rather poorly baby, having got croup rather young, then being told she has suspected laryngomalacia which may need surgery in the future. She doesn't sleep well and she can only be comforted by myself. Her father left me the night I was told I might be ectopic, so I have no help from him or any contact with him at all, as he lives in WI and Im in England.

 

Now I have developed Post-Natal Depression and I feel like the worst mother in the world. I love my little girl to bits but sometimes I just feel like I hate her. Like she has ruined my life, and like I want to walk out and never come back. Or we will go for walks and I'll have horrible premonitions of a car mounting the curb and hitting the pram and I end up having panic attacks over the thoughts. I will always love her, but I just feel like such a failure, especially after everything I've gone through with her, how can I ever feel like I hate her? How could I look at her and feel so empty? The loneliness is so crippling and sometimes I really struggle to cope. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? What do I do now? I'm terrified of telling anyone around me how I feel because I don't want people to think I'm not good enough for my daughter, and why wouldn't they when I feel so inadequate sometimes? Am I just being selfish? What do I do?

That is so rough, Angel. Oh my gosh. That is so much to handle. But you are doing soooooooo great. <3

 

The father sounds like a real jerk. Too bad he didn't reveal that earlier. =\

 

Please, please, please get help for your post-natal depression. There are some things you just can't tackle on your own, and there is good help out there. You do not have to feel all those bad feelings. You are dealing with enough without trying to punish yourself by keeping this quietly. There is help out there. You should definitely seek it out. You are dealing with a lot, and it is no small wonder you have developed depression. You are doing so well, though. Just get some help for your depression and take it a day at a time, okay?

 

Your baby is so lucky to have you. None of what she's been through is your fault. You are doing so great. I am so proud of you. <3

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*sighs* I guess it's my turn and it's more of a rant then anything.

 

I could have seriously lost my job today. Over what? A small set of keys.

 

Since the state I live in got flooded (I'm fine btw before you ask) we've been getting people from other Wal-Mart stores have been coming in and working. One of these people is a Customer Service Manager (CSM) who has been working at our store for the past five days. I am usually good with names, but her name I just can't really remember.

 

Anyway, it was thirty minutes before I left for the day when this CSM called me over to her. So I go over to her thinking someone needed a break before I went home for the day. No, what she wanted me to do was to take her keys ONLY CSMs are supposed to have, go outside and help this guy out with propane. She walked to the cash office while I'm protesting I don't know how to do propane before she takes some keys before shoving her keys into my hands. She took two keys and said one of these keys should work.

 

With that she walked off. So I'm standing there confused before I scurry outside to see if I can't help this guy. After failing to get into where the propane is, I went back inside and found my friend who is a CSM and just held up the keys. My freind start censor swearing saying that the CSM who gave me those keys is an idiot. She takes the keys before going up the the manager who gave me the keys and said, 'you are not supposed to give these keys out to anyone.' so my friend helped the dude and we went back inside (cause I walked outside with her) and we stood by self checkout.

 

We discussed it and the person over there said the the CSM said I didn't try hard enough. First she gives me the keys to do something I don't k is how to do, then she tries to slander my name to the same person who trained me on a register? I'm sorry if you've forgotten, but this is not your store. You are not my manager. I don't know you except for the last five days. I am all for helping the CSMs out but not if I'm going to lose my job over it.

 

Luckily I got my butt out of trouble by talking to one of the assistant managers and explained to him what happened.

 

Edit: it could have been avoided had she not given me the keys in the furst place or if I just simply handed them back to her because I was about to panic, thinking about the worst situation if I find talk to the assistant manager

Edited by Raptor of Dragons

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Trigger warning: Anxiety, potential mental illness, genetic disorders: specifically deafness and Retnitis Pigmentosa

 

Ahhh... where to start.... I just...

 

Why am I too scared to talk to anyone... except when I can't see them and they cannot hear my voice...?

 

I am just reading all these, and I feel like a self-entitled little brat... but here goes.

 

I just... can't stop going. If I do... I remember the axe hanging over my head. Someday, I'll be blind. Someday, I'll lose drawing, video games, and my favorite books. I can't read Braille without a cheat sheet, I can't remember any contractions. Andvthen I'm also deaf without cochlear implants. They spazz out when multiple people are talking at the same time, and hate digital voices. I can't watch a movie without subtitles, and my family has had to leave cinemas when captioning devices fail. And then buy the movie. And they've spent the money on tickets already... before leaving because if me. Guess whise school uses videos on class? And every year since 3rd grade, people talked in class. It's really taking a toll on me, dealing with how my implants act when people talk all together...

 

Then there's the familial mental health issues. My mother had depression, and I may have inherited some form of it. What does not help is that I just... can't talk or think about my emotions. I get too sad... and then I backslide. But I've gotten far too good at pretending everything is just peachy. Every time someone tries to help in real life, I cannot accept it. I have to be strong... and I'm too scared to show the people who know me my emotions. I flip out over tiny little things and throw stuff, but all I could do when Great-Gramdma or Great-Grandpa died? Say oh. And nothing. No emotion. I can't make a real-life friend because I can't feel for them. I feel emotiomless, nay, empty. I just seem to have a darker spin on things, too, and my family thinks I'm too young to be like that.

 

I can't take disappointment and anger. I can't take failure. I try to hide it... but every time someone is disappointed in me... or angry at me (or at least raising their voice at me)... or when I fail, I hurt. It's raw. I feel like I have to make up for being born like I was - born deaf, born going blind. All my self-esteem is staked on being the best, on getting good grades. I have to succeed. I had to grow up mentally before I was 10. Believe me, that was painful. Growing up too fast... it hurt. And I can't show it. Why? I have to be mature... There's also the fact my parents hate me stimming (kicking my legs) while I'm thinking. But I don't know I'm doing it till I'm told off....

 

I have to keep going, keep thinking about my dreams and fantasies. Because if I look back to reality, I can't be happy. I have nightmares about my dreams dying... about never being able to do what I want to do. Because of how I was born...

 

And all I can do is stand there as my fate looms... and I am helpless. And in these dark moments, it's hard to believe the world cares. After all, I'm white, so according the world I must be privileged, happy, maybe even smug... but I'm just a forlorn person who hides herself.

 

I play Pokémon and Minecraft and Spore, I come to DC to forget what's coming, but sometimes I cannot. And that is why I'm here now.

Edited by Dusky_Flareon

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Trigger warning: Anxiety, potential mental illness, genetic disorders: specifically deafness and Retnotis Pigmentosa

 

Ahhh... where to start.... I just...

 

Why am I too scared to talk to anyone... except when I can't see them and they cannot hear my voice...?

 

I am just reading all these, and I feel like a self-entitled little brat... but here goes.

 

I just... can't stop going. If I do... I remember the axe hanging over my head. Someday, I'll be blind. Someday, I'll lose drawing, video games, and my favorite books. I can't read Braille without a cheat sheet, I can't remember any contractions. Andvthen I'm also deaf without cochlear implants. They spazz out when multiple people are talking at the same time, and hate digital voices. I can't watch a movie without subtitles, and my familyvhas had to leave cinemas when captioning devices fail. And then buy the movie. And they've spent the money on tickets already... before leaving because if me. Guess whise school uses videos on class? And every year since 3rd grade, people talked in class. It's really taking a toll on me, dealing with how my implants act when people talk all together...

 

Then there's the familial mental health issues. My mother had depression, and I may have inherited some form of it. What does not help is that I just... can't talk or think about my emotions. I get too sad... and then I backslide. But I've gotten far too good at pretending everything is just peachy. Every time someone tries to help in real life, I cannot accept it. I have to be strong... and I'm too scared to show the people who know me my emotions. I flip out over tiny little things andvthrowcstuff, but all I could do when Great-Gramdma or Great-Grandpa died? Say oh. And nothing. No emotion. I can't make a real-life friend because I can't feel for them. I feel emotiomless, nay, empty. I just seem to have a darker spin on things, too, and my family think I'm too young to be like that.

 

I can't take disappointment and anger. I can't take failure. I try to hide it... but every time someone is disappointed in me... or angry at me (or at least raising their voice at me)... or when I fail, I hurt. It's raw. I feel like I have to make up for being born like I was - born deaf, born going blind. All my self-esteem is staked on being the best, on getting good grades. I have to succeed. I had to grow up mentally before I was 10. Believe me, that was painful. Growing up too fast... it hurt. And I can't show it. Why? I have to be mature... There's also the fact my parents hate me stimming (kicking my legs) ehile I'm thinking. But I don't knowvI'm doing it till I'm told off....

 

I have to keep going, keep thinking about my dreams and fantasies. Because if I look back to reality, I can't be happy. I have nightmares about my dreams dying... about never being able to do what I want to do. Because of how I was born...

 

And all I can do is stand there as my fate looms... and I am helpless. And in these dark moments, it's hard to believe the world cares. After all, I'm white, so according the world I must be privileged, happy, maybe even smug... but I'm just a forlorn person who hides herself.

 

I play Pokémon and Minrcraft and Spore, I come to DC to forget what's coming, but sometimes I cannot. And that is why I'm here now.

-hugs- keep those dreams sweetie and keep on dreaming. Heck, reach for the stars and beyond! Explore every single one of them in your dreams. Create new aliens and make new adventures with them. And above all, never feel like a brat.

 

And I really am sorry to hear that you're going blind and that you're dead sad.gif still, keep those dreams alive. Never give up hope.

 

Even if you feel like no one cares about you, we at DC care. I care, Socky cares, anyone who comes to this thread cares even if they don't reply.

Edited by Raptor of Dragons

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I had a panick attack and my dad forced me to work outside through it. Then wouldn't help me when I severely needed it since my hands where shaking so badly I couldn't open up the trash bags. (Picking up cardboard from when I had to fix his trucks transmission.... He made that mess in the first place I don't see why he didn't pick it up himself. That's what he taught me and my sisters to clean up our own messes but he makes my mom and I serve him like we are servants.) I'm still trying to stop shaking.

Edited by Jsward322

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*sighs* I guess it's my turn and it's more of a rant then anything.

 

-snip for space-

Rough day but it's over now. I hope today was a better one. =)

 

Trigger warning: Anxiety, potential mental illness, genetic disorders: specifically deafness and Retnitis Pigmentosa

 

-snip for space-

First off, it's not your fault that places do not offer good d/Deaf or HoH support. I'm glad your family supports you when these issues crop up. Tbh, if CC devices fail and other issues like that, you should be able to get your money back. Has your family ever tried talk to a manager when this happens? They should 100% offer you reimbursement or some kind of discount/free food/etc. as an apology for their poor equipment.

 

As for the mental health issues... *offers hugs*

Do you talk to a professional? It is okay to need help. It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to get help. That's why these services exist. You can't always defeat these feelings and negative cycles on your own. It definitely sounds like you need someone you can talk to. It'd also be nice to have someone who understands the audism issues you're facing, if that is possible to find. If your parents won't let you see someone, at least approach your school guidance counselor and try talking to them. It is not a bad thing to need to talk to somebody.

 

I'm sorry your parents don't let you stim, though. You should be free to stim as you need. =(

 

Just keep taking things day by day, okay? You can do it.

 

I'm not going to get into the bit about your misunderstanding on what privilege and racism is, but if you're up to the talk, you can PM me.

 

I had a panick attack and my dad forced me to work outside through it. Then wouldn't help me when I severely needed it since my hands where shaking so badly I couldn't open up the trash bags. (Picking up cardboard from when I had to fix his trucks transmission.... He made that mess in the first place I don't see why he didn't pick it up himself. That's what he taught me and my sisters to clean up our own messes but he makes my mom and I serve him like we are servants.) I'm still trying to stop shaking.

Hey, have you stopped shaking yet? Take a deep breath. In and out, in and out. It's over. You don't have to deal with that anymore.

 

I'm sorry you didn't get to work through your panic attack in a more healthy way.

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somedays, I feel perfectly fine, and next day's everything's hurting or I have a panick attack, or anxiety attack, or even a fit of self hate. But I just don't know why this started this year. It hasn't been like this until this year. Maybe it's because of the fact I got a huge reality check when a close friend of mine back stabbed me last year. Or the stress of how many people are at my school and how easily they'll threaten you if you accidentally bump into you, but it's been bad this year and truthfully, I am scared to talk to older adults, except if they remind me of my sisters. My control at my highschool is nothing like that.

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somedays, I feel perfectly fine, and next day's everything's hurting or I have a panick attack, or anxiety attack, or even a fit of self hate. But I just don't know why this started this year. It hasn't been like this until this year. Maybe it's because of the fact I got a huge reality check when a close friend of mine back stabbed me last year. Or the stress of how many people are at my school and how easily they'll threaten you if you accidentally bump into you, but it's been bad this year and truthfully, I am scared to talk to older adults, except if they remind me of my sisters. My control at my highschool is nothing like that.

Do you see a therapist or professional? If not, it sounds like it would really help you to be able to do so. If your parents won't let you or you don't have the resources to be able to, try talking to your guidance counselor.

 

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. You are allowed to ask for help. It is not a bad to need help. *offers hugs*

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Do you see a therapist or professional? If not, it sounds like it would really help you to be able to do so. If your parents won't let you or you don't have the resources to be able to, try talking to your guidance counselor.

 

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. You are allowed to ask for help. It is not a bad to need help. *offers hugs*

In all honesty, I think it's a phase. *hugs*

 

Oh and a little gripe: my internet hasn't been working, ever since the electric company accidentally screwed up and caused Allen avenue and upper Gallagher St to go out for a bit, then lower Gallagher after that, then a brown out on Allen the next day...

 

I think my internet box has been fried and if it's not fixed soon I'm going to bring up the fact I need the Internet we had at the original speed for my schoolwork.

Edited by Jsward322

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In all honesty, I think it's a phase. *hugs*

Even if your anxiety/panic attacks are a phase, it does not change the fact that you are allowed to need help and allowed to ask for help.

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I just...I have felt so low and so lost lately

 

I finished my two years at community college and now I am free to do what I studied to do. And that is Graphic Design. I went to school for years to pursue Graphic Design. But I realized something along the way and that is..that I dont actually like Graphic Design? I become irritated, restless, and bored when I do anything related to it. So instead I opted to pursue something outside of Graphic Design

 

The problem is....what? What do I do now?

 

I dislike graphic design and my only other interests are animals and video games. However I just feel like I would be miserable if I went to any of those fields too. Plus my 2 plus years of Graphic Design would be a huge waste of time and money..

 

Not to mention I have severe social anxiety and I have developed depression due to my anxiety. It is hard enough as it is but anxiety of course makes everything so much worse

 

My friends (who have probably all made new and better friends at this point) and cousins are moving up in the world. They know what they want to do and are pursuing it and are very good at it. Meanwhile I am..? Nothing. I have no talents, no career interests, and too much anxiety and pressure for my own good. It's crushing me and it's absolutely exhausting and I just don't know what to do anymore. And why I should even bother in the first place

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I just...I have felt so low and so lost lately

 

I finished my two years at community college and now I am free to do what I studied to do. And that is Graphic Design. I went to school for years to pursue Graphic Design. But I realized something along the way and that is..that I dont actually like Graphic Design? I become irritated, restless, and bored when I do anything related to it. So instead I opted to pursue something outside of Graphic Design

 

The problem is....what? What do I do now?

 

I dislike graphic design and my only other interests are animals and video games. However I just feel like I would be miserable if I went to any of those fields too. Plus my 2 plus years of Graphic Design would be a huge waste of time and money..

 

Not to mention I have severe social anxiety and I have developed depression due to my anxiety. It is hard enough as it is but anxiety of course makes everything so much worse

 

My friends (who have probably all made new and better friends at this point) and cousins are moving up in the world. They know what they want to do and are pursuing it and are very good at it. Meanwhile I am..? Nothing. I have no talents, no career interests, and too much anxiety and pressure for my own good. It's crushing me and it's absolutely exhausting and I just don't know what to do anymore. And why I should even bother in the first place

Hey, don't feel bad. No one in my family has went into the profession they went to collage for, so it's not a waist of money. You did what you thought would make you happy, but it didn't, so try something else. As odd as it is to say, I cannot suggest a thing for you to do since I haven't really gotten to know many people on this site.

 

 

It will get better though. Don't give up.

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Hey, don't feel bad. No one in my family has went into the profession they went to collage for, so it's not a waist of money. You did what you thought would make you happy, but it didn't, so try something else. As odd as it is to say, I cannot suggest a thing for you to do since I haven't really gotten to know many people on this site.

 

 

It will get better though. Don't give up.

That is very true. I did get a degree in the end and even though its a degree in something I dont enjoy, its still better then nothing right?

I guess I feel so much pressure because of my family. They dont get it at all and they tell me constantly, even daily, I need to choose something right now or i'll end up some kind of failure. They compare me to everyone else. I've ignored it at first, working at my own pace. but after years of this it just becomes exhausting. The few things I expressed interest in before they did not agree with and made me feel guilty about it to the point where now I cant find motivation to do it anymore

 

..aah sorry I didnt mean to whine again. Thank you for replying it means a lot to me. Oddly enough I have been on and off this site too since the beginning and all this time I have not gotten to know anyone either. I'm quite shy so I mainly just lurk around ha ha. So you dont have to suggest a thing it's alright. Thank you again *hugs*

Edited by aerolyx

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That is very true. I did get a degree in the end and even though its a degree in something I dont enjoy, its still better then nothing right?

I guess I feel so much pressure because of my family. They dont get it at all and they tell me constantly, even daily, I need to choose something right now or i'll end up some kind of failure. They compare me to everyone else. I've ignored it at first, working at my own pace. but after years of this it just becomes exhausting. The few things I expressed interest in before they did not agree with and made me feel guilty about it to the point where now I cant find motivation to do it anymore

 

..aah sorry I didnt mean to whine again. Thank you for replying it means a lot to me. Oddly enough I have been on and off this site too since the beginning and all this time I have not gotten to know anyone either. I'm quite shy so I mainly just lurk around ha ha. So you dont have to suggest a thing it's alright. Thank you again *hugs*

You're family, I hate to say this and I'm sorry if I offend you, sounds like they are toxic people. Please don't let them get to you. You won't be a failure, you never will be one once you find something that makes you happy. if you get a job to get money to get away from them, no matter how hard it hurts to do that, I'd do it. And now that I think about it, that might be a solution to your self esteem issue..

 

And you're welcome *hug*

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who cheats on their fiancee and then denies it even with the proof staring at them in the face

 

~name removed~ is a horrible person and i hope he rots in hell

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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who cheats on their fiancee and then denies it even with the proof staring at them in the face

 

~name removed~ is a horrible person and i hope he rots in hell

They're are a lot of people in this world like that I'm afraid. I watch a lot of Homicide Hunter on TV and the world can be a cold and malicious place sometimes.

 

I don't know who the person is (and I don't want to know) but I agree with you there about being a horrible person. I don't agree with the rotting in hell part. We're humans and we give into our temptations a lot and I don't know what's going on with the dude, bit I think he's ashamed he got caught?

Edited by Raptor of Dragons

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who cheats on their fiancee and then denies it even with the proof staring at them in the face

 

~name removed~ is a horrible person and i hope he rots in hell

Aww, I'm really sorry to hear that. You're definitely better off without him. <3

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Thank you but he's not ashamed. He feels like "I don't need to explain myself to you" He was my world I gave him everything and this is what I get in return. I ended up in the hospital for over a week because of suicide over this. His past two girlfriends cheated on him and he promised he would never cheat on me so I would never have to go through that pain. He's such a filthy liar

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Thank you but he's not ashamed. He feels like "I don't need to explain myself to you" He was my world I gave him everything and this is what I get in return. I ended up in the hospital for over a week because of suicide over this. His past two girlfriends cheated on him and he promised he would never cheat on me so I would never have to go through that pain. He's such a filthy liar

Oh, I'm so sorry sad.gif I didn't realize that happened to you. I just thought you meant in general. You'll find a guy one day who will treat you like the jewel you are smile.gif

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who cheats on their fiancee and then denies it even with the proof staring at them in the face

 

~name removed~ is a horrible person and i hope he rots in hell

Someone who has very little self respect and no thought to anything or anyone but themselves.

 

You are worth way more than he could ever appreciate. This isn't about you at all, he has some serious growing up to do. While it hurts more than words can describe, you will be far better off free of someone who doesn't value himself and hurts you in the process.

 

It is ok to be hurt, angry, upset, even vengeful in thought, but don't unpack and live there. Every day is to precious to waste thinking about anything but what makes you happy. The important thing at this point is to focus as much energy on what makes you happy. It is time to rebuild your confidence and have some fun.

 

Hoping the pain passes quickly.

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Someone who has very little self respect and no thought to anything or anyone but themselves.

 

You are worth way more than he could ever appreciate. This isn't about you at all, he has some serious growing up to do. While it hurts more than words can describe, you will be far better off free of someone who doesn't value himself and hurts you in the process.

 

It is ok to be hurt, angry, upset, even vengeful in thought, but don't unpack and live there. Every day is to precious to waste thinking about anything but what makes you happy. The important thing at this point is to focus as much energy on what makes you happy. It is time to rebuild your confidence and have some fun.

 

Hoping the pain passes quickly.

Thank you. It'll be some time until I no longer want him to be hurting as much as I am. He once told me "Vengeance is in our cores" we were really similar me and him. We both like gardening, we both like the same foods, we did our work together and we were both interested in pursuing into the medical field. He had warm hands while I had cold so together we were warm. He once pointed out to me when we were holding hands that my thumb was ontop of his. He said that he never let anyone else do it even his mother and sister because it was a dominance thing but he didn't mind it when I did it and in fact he didn't notice it for awhile.

 

I really do want him to suffer and that feeling isn't going to go away for a long time. But thank you guys for your kind words I appreciate it

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Well, I'm off to college tomorrow.

 

And I feel about as unhappy as humanly possible. I am not remotely looking forward to this, the entire college experience thing is just stressing me out. I really have no idea what to study, not even a clue. And all I get from family is negativity because I'm not blissful or happy or whatever. And my parents are being as abrasive as sandpaper: as I am packing today, they start physically throwing clothing at me and saying 'Are you keeping this? Can I throw all of this out now?' When I tried to explain I was focussed on packing, and stressing about that, I get 'We've had to put up with all of your stuff in our house for years! It's not going to stay here!'

 

I can't seem to do anything right, ever, and this is just another even bigger example. Not to mention my parents expect me to pay them back fully for the tuition they pay because I 'didn't get a good enough scholarship.' I don't even want to go to college!

 

I'm so upset and stressed right now; I have no idea what to do.

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