Emotional Support

[Sundew]

Rude???? Really???? Explain why. It is easy to just insult someone else without bringing up why. Guess what, I can't find a single word in my posts to justify your accusations. Just go ahead and explain your rationale.

you were very empathetic in your earlier posts towards Nora, but this one in particular, I can definitely see how it would be interpreted as rude:

 

Let's just hope we don't read about NoraNora in the news and feel like c..p because we did not do more.

you're talking about a real person who asked for help here and speculating about how her emotional difficulties would make you feel like "c..p". instead of actually offering any comfort or trying to help, you're offhandedly hoping she won't make any bad decisions and referencing her as "in the news" like any other statistic. regardless of your intentions, i can certainly understand how your wording could be interpreted as rude.

 

so, your other posts were fine and i expect this is definitely just poor phrasing and misunderstandings. but there is the rationale for you, as laid out by someone else.

 

on the issue--this thread is for emotional support, and i don't think it's right to remove the parts of the post with which a user most needs help. i understand the reasoning for it, so if it must be done, a list of people who have experience with issues like self-harm/ED/suicide and are willing to help with them would be a good alternative.

 

@Nora: if your dad is making it so that you have difficulty taking care of yourself or feeling good about yourself, it may be best to distance yourself for awhile. focus on making sure you are okay; prioritize yourself instead of prioritizing pulling a sliver of goodness out of your father.

it's okay to be lonely, even if you don't have the sort of relationship you want right now, there are people who care about you. i'm sure there are people in real life who love you and judging by the responses here, we care about you too.

Edited November 13, 2016 by ab613

[NoraNora]

Okay whoa, that's quite a bit there...thanks for the nice words and rather, honestly somewhat odd post about the news...don't know if I'd go that far? I removed the rest of the bottom half of my other post though as to not turn anymore heads.

 

Edit

Well that keeps getting out of hand. Deleting it altogether. Starting whatever is happening is not at all what was intended.

Edited November 13, 2016 by NoraNora

[SullenCat]

you're talking about a real person who asked for help here and speculating about how her emotional difficulties would make you feel like "c..p". instead of actually offering any comfort or trying to help, you're offhandedly hoping she won't make any bad decisions and referencing her as "in the news" like any other statistic. regardless of your intentions, i can certainly understand how your wording could be interpreted as rude.

 

on the issue--this thread is for emotional support, and i don't think it's right to remove the parts of the post with which a user most needs help. i understand the reasoning for it, so if it must be done, a list of people who have experience with issues like self-harm/ED/suicide and are willing to help with them would be a good alternative.

Yeah, I'm, we are talking about a real person that needs help. Someone that is posting in this forum, hopefully to get help, hopefully posting somewhere else where he/she can get professional, qualified help.

Who the heck cares about "my" feelings, for sure I do not on this subject. Do I care about her becoming another "statistic"? You can bet that I do. People are not "statistics", they deserve quite more than that. Sorry if you can't understand that.

What I'm peeved about is that high-handed approach, that "just go somewhere else, we are not qualified", while some attempt to understand and help could be a good approach. Provide listing of helpful resources but be ready to welcome any contact, be ready to listen.

Anything else is a lot of BS and "not my problem, just go away".

Edited November 13, 2016 by SullenCat

[Sundew]

Yeah, I'm, we are talking about a real person that needs help. Someone that is posting in this forum, hopefully to get help, hopefully posting somewhere else where he/she can get professional, qualified help.

Who the heck cares about "my" feelings, for sure I do not on this subject. Do I care about her becoming another "statistic"? You can bet that I do. People are not "statistics", they deserve quite more than that. Sorry if you can't understand that.

What I'm peeved about is that high-handed approach, that "just go somewhere else, we are not qualified", while some attempt to understand and help could be a good approach. Provide listing of helpful resources but be ready to welcome any contact, be ready to listen.

Anything else is a lot of BS and "not my problem, just go away".

i think you misinterpreted my post. i also edited it before you posted in order to try to make my point more clear, but i did not edit the direct part you quoted, so i suppose that's not so important.

 

my point was to provide a rationale for why Xvi thought your last post was rude, the reasoning being: the way you phrased it made it seem like you did care about your feelings on the subject, and that you did think that people, a person on this forum specifically, were statistics.

specifically:

Let's just hope we don't read about NoraNora in the news and feel like c..p because we did not do more.

in this, you are not referring to Nora as a person, nor are you addressing any of her issues. instead, you are making a conclusion that she might end up "in the news"--again, like a statistic, according to your phrasing--and that you would feel like crap because of it. this was the interpretation of your post, and this is why another user called you out for being rude.

 

i am not trying to attack or insult you, i am just trying to explain what the problematic phrasing in your post was. you asked for a rationale, so here one is. i am not addressing or assuming what your actual thoughts on this are, i only mean to explain why your post was seen as rude at face value.

 

i agree that the high-handling of this issue could and should have been done better.

Edited November 13, 2016 by ab613

[hazeh]

That's enough. If you don't have anything to say that is to directly emotionally support someone, kindly take it elsewhere more appropriate. NoraNora specifically asked above not to continue this. If someone is having an issue where they need professional help, no one is stopping you from personally messaging them in a private manner with guidance if they need it. But because Sock and I have already discussed the issues that can and do arise when we allow such sensitive issues to be discussed in depth, I cannot allow that to continue into the thread.

 

We are here to emotionally support, and we will do our best as friends on the internet. But none of the mods, and I daresay most of our community on Dragcave as a whole, is equipped to assist in these very serious matters on a professional scale. If you can, then please do so at your prerogative, but as moderators we cannot properly supervise something to that degree.

 

Now please, let us continue supporting our friends that need supporting.

[ladyvidel]

In general, life is kinda driving me bat**** insane, can I get lots of virtual hugs right now?

[purpledragonclaw]

*hugs ladyvidel*

 

I hope you are okay, ladyvidel.

[georgexu94]

*sending virtual hugs to ladyvidel*

 

[SkinDrake]

So, this is not really an emotional support really, but i've finally come back.

 

I used to chat in private with some people of this forum, which helped me a lot, but in june i went to hospital for a bad infection caused to my... ow, can't remember how do you say in english when you give birth to a Child.

 

Meanwhile, we had some bad economic problem, cause both me and my husband were without a job.

 

Now he found one, and we have to pay a lot of Bills. A Lot!

 

But really, and i know it may sound stupid, i'm really happy to be able to come here again!

[silver_tiger]

So, this is not really an emotional support really, but i've finally come back.

 

I used to chat in private with some people of this forum, which helped me a lot, but in june i went to hospital for a bad infection caused to my... ow, can't remember how do you say in english when you give birth to a Child.

 

Meanwhile, we had some bad economic problem, cause both me and my husband were without a job.

 

Now he found one, and we have to pay a lot of Bills. A Lot!

 

But really, and i know it may sound stupid, i'm really happy to be able to come here again!

I'm glad you're doing better. I hope you and your husband can get out of debt soon; as someone who also has a lot of bills to pay, I feel you there.

 

It's not silly or stupid to be happy you can play a game again. We need our little distractions to get ourselves through the day!

[Fuzzbucket]

 

To all who need it. Which includes the mods on this thread.

[KageSora]

I'm stuck being mediator between my brother and my parents because my parents have no idea how to handle what happened with him and he's worried/scared about talking to them face to face.

 

He accidentally outed himself last night, which... Isn't actually the reason my mom freaked out. We've sort of figured for a while now, and my friend and I have been calling it for years. The reason is that he's dating a guy literally twice his age who could be his father, and he's not exactly the... Brightest when it comes to being careful? So she's just worried about him being taken advantage of?

 

But I'm kinda stuck in the middle as the "responsible" one who also isn't straight so like... I'm the one passing messages between both sides?

 

I ended up coming out to my mom last night along with it and I'm basically just tired and want a nap and everything is kind of a confusing mess.

 

@_@

[Obscure_Trash]

Thank you for adjusting to a gentler response. I was afraid how she would take it knowing myself how I might have taken it. Sometimes someone just needs to know people care and hearing from someone who knows exactly what your going through makes more of a difference than going to a profession who you pay to listen to you. I got better without professional help, meds, or any support at all. I did it on my own. That is not the way to go for the majority of people. Strangely enough it was when I turned to someone I thought was a friend and they had the nerve to ask how serious I was cause Ally McBeal was on tv,and boy did that make me mad and if I had been a different sort of person that might have broken me instead I learned how to stop letting others dictate my moods cause I decided that they just were not good enough to be friends with. That being said There is a great site that I used that I would recommend as it has many groups for all sorts of issues. DailyStrength.org.

No - thank you and fuzz for bringing it up.

 

This is also a note that the first post has been updated to specify that people can post to ask for PM help. It also includes links to some helplines - and to the web service you generously provided.

 

In general, life is kinda driving me *** insane, can I get lots of virtual hugs right now?

 

*hugs!* <3

 

But really, and i know it may sound stupid, i'm really happy to be able to come here again!

 

Glad to see you around again! Good luck on those dreaded bills. <3

 

To all who need it. Which includes the mods on this thread.

 

<3

 

I'm stuck being mediator between my brother and my parents because my parents have no idea how to handle what happened with him and he's worried/scared about talking to them face to face.

 

He accidentally outed himself last night, which... Isn't actually the reason my mom freaked out. We've sort of figured for a while now, and my friend and I have been calling it for years. The reason is that he's dating a guy literally twice his age who could be his father, and he's not exactly the... Brightest when it comes to being careful? So she's just worried about him being taken advantage of?

 

But I'm kinda stuck in the middle as the "responsible" one who also isn't straight so like... I'm the one passing messages between both sides?

 

I ended up coming out to my mom last night along with it and I'm basically just tired and want a nap and everything is kind of a confusing mess.

 

@_@

 

D: It's not fun being in the middle and definitely not so when it's your family.

 

*gently dumps Kage in bed and makes nice and comfy with blankets* Definitely take that nap, okay? <3 You deserve a break.

[Fuzzbucket]

I'm stuck being mediator between my brother and my parents because my parents have no idea how to handle what happened with him and he's worried/scared about talking to them face to face.

 

He accidentally outed himself last night, which... Isn't actually the reason my mom freaked out. We've sort of figured for a while now, and my friend and I have been calling it for years. The reason is that he's dating a guy literally twice his age who could be his father, and he's not exactly the... Brightest when it comes to being careful? So she's just worried about him being taken advantage of?

 

But I'm kinda stuck in the middle as the "responsible" one who also isn't straight so like... I'm the one passing messages between both sides?

 

I ended up coming out to my mom last night along with it and I'm basically just tired and want a nap and everything is kind of a confusing mess.

 

@_@

Hugs and chocolate.

 

But why carry messages ? Seriously - tell your mom you've got his back, and then talk to HIM. Because you have the knowledge he needs. Still and all - it's good that you are out now, isn't it ? A positive out of it all ?

 

Like Sock said - have a nap. With cookies.

[Kyleedj]

Just found out my ex is going to my friend's party too...

 

HHHHHH

 

Wish me luck ._.

[RWyvern]

tw suicide mention

 

Attempt number five. Five attempted suicides by one family member in one year. I'm getting so used to this like it's a routine. I don't even feel that concerned or upset. Far cry from the first two or three rounds, indeed. I don't plan to have that unable-to-stand-talking-to-self-while-drowning-in-tears reaction for a third time, it's useless. Now to watch some anime, go to sleep, wake up and nothing will be different.

[NoraNora]

Another, and another, and another

and even she stopped talking to me

lol, i'm not built for socializing

and he deleted me off the list just because he thinks that you don't build connections with people, not even on the romantic level. We're people, we have feelings, not robots that you just use for your own fun then ditch.

 

My guilt tripping friend got snappy online, because when we roleplay, i like to play odd or somewhat aggressive characters. I chose one that is, by nature, a jerk. She got angry because i treated her character poorly, but that's what mine does, he's a brute. So now, she won't interact with her characters to mine, and won't speak to me. She, a 27 year old woman, is being a 4 year old brat.

 

She claims that if I leave, she'll break. You know what? I'm tired of being dragged everywhere and treated this way. I'm not a tool to use, and those mary sue characters filled with edge are making me scream inside. I know it's what you like, but with all the garbage you come up with to make them invincible, it has to stop somewhere.

And i'm going to end it.

 

 

Still depressed though, obviously. Hoo-rah.

[Fuzzbucket]

((((NoraNora))))

 

If your friend is guilt tripping you she ain't no friend. There are BETTER friends out there for you. If she says she'll break - let her.

 

Snuggle up with hot chocolate and sod the lot of them.

[NoraNora]

((((NoraNora))))

 

If your friend is guilt tripping you she ain't no friend. There are BETTER friends out there for you. If she says she'll break - let her.

 

Snuggle up with hot chocolate and sod the lot of them.

Yeah, I do have this weakness for people that use guilt tripping because there are things she said that have worried be..but there's no excuse to continue to use them and get fussy because of it. We've been friends I think for a year but she makes it feel like three months of pain. I just never acknowledged it until now. And I'll probably drop her later tonight. Though after how much she's guilt tripped me it's like, at this point I just know what to say with her, and anyone.

 

 

I like hot chocolate OwO

[Lemniscate]

I usually don't like to talk about how I feel in real life on the internet, but I feel like I should probably get some advice or support or something. Just seeing how other people look at it and react will probably help. I wanted to post this last time, but I refrained because my reasons for not feeling so well are really selfish.

 

Basically, I've been feeling lonely lately. Actually, not really just lately, but usually I don't dwell on it. I'm not sure why I feel so lonely, since I have people to talk to and a nice family. It could be transitioning to a new school, but I've been feeling like this even back when I was in my really awesome old school with all my friends. I just kinda feel isolated from people in general. I have plenty of friends who are really nice who I like and I have every reason to, but I also kinda dislike them at the same time. I have no real reason to dislike them, only selfish reasons, so I feel really guilty for half-disliking them. But whenever I do anything, I feel like they just do it better. It's not like I'm a really good socializer and popular either, so it leaves me feeling useless. I don't feel important to anyone or anything, so I end up feeling isolated.

 

It turns into a vicious cycle, really. Since I doubt anyone else feels the same way I do, I keep my thoughts to myself. When I do that, I just feel more different. When I feel different, I keep more of my thoughts to myself but put on a smiling front. I don't know why I do it, but the more different I feel in front of my friends, the more I pretend like I don't feel that way. I feel like they'll think I'm weird if I tell them my thoughts how I really feel. It doesn't help that my thoughts are kinda dark now (they used to be less so but that's another story), making me less willing to express my real feelings toward things.

 

I've begun to just dislike all people in general now because of this lonely feeling. I don't want to have the alone in a crowd feeling. This also turns into a vicious cycle. I'm fully aware of all the things I'm trapped in, but I don't want to risk revealing my thoughts to people. I just feel... hopeless I guess. Hopeless and selfish, and guilty about being selfish. I don't want to feel alone forever. I'm not even really alone, it's just me getting stuck in my own head... There are so many different things to think about and consider and I just don't know anymore.

 

Anyways that might have been kinda rambling, but I guess I just want advice and/or support. >.< I feel selfish for complaining about just loneliness when other people have more impactful problems...

[georgexu94]

I usually don't like to talk about how I feel in real life on the internet, but I feel like I should probably get some advice or support or something. Just seeing how other people look at it and react will probably help. I wanted to post this last time, but I refrained because my reasons for not feeling so well are really selfish.

 

Basically, I've been feeling lonely lately. Actually, not really just lately, but usually I don't dwell on it. I'm not sure why I feel so lonely, since I have people to talk to and a nice family. It could be transitioning to a new school, but I've been feeling like this even back when I was in my really awesome old school with all my friends. I just kinda feel isolated from people in general. I have plenty of friends who are really nice who I like and I have every reason to, but I also kinda dislike them at the same time. I have no real reason to dislike them, only selfish reasons, so I feel really guilty for half-disliking them. But whenever I do anything, I feel like they just do it better. It's not like I'm a really good socializer and popular either, so it leaves me feeling useless. I don't feel important to anyone or anything, so I end up feeling isolated.

 

It turns into a vicious cycle, really. Since I doubt anyone else feels the same way I do, I keep my thoughts to myself. When I do that, I just feel more different. When I feel different, I keep more of my thoughts to myself but put on a smiling front. I don't know why I do it, but the more different I feel in front of my friends, the more I pretend like I don't feel that way. I feel like they'll think I'm weird if I tell them my thoughts how I really feel. It doesn't help that my thoughts are kinda dark now (they used to be less so but that's another story), making me less willing to express my real feelings toward things.

 

I've begun to just dislike all people in general now because of this lonely feeling. I don't want to have the alone in a crowd feeling. This also turns into a vicious cycle. I'm fully aware of all the things I'm trapped in, but I don't want to risk revealing my thoughts to people. I just feel... hopeless I guess. Hopeless and selfish, and guilty about being selfish. I don't want to feel alone forever. I'm not even really alone, it's just me getting stuck in my own head... There are so many different things to think about and consider and I just don't know anymore.

 

Anyways that might have been kinda rambling, but I guess I just want advice and/or support. >.< I feel selfish for complaining about just loneliness when other people have more impactful problems...

I most of the time feel the same way. I know why I dislike (half dislike my friends). As you said, you feel they do better things than you. For me, it's the same thing, and because they have a lot of opportunities and are very fortunate.

 

People would go out and not invite me at times because I am stuck at home and studying. Whereas they have less work load and have more free time. I feel it is unfair.

 

Other writers get their works published or have workshops on improving their writings, but the workshops I participated in (two in total) got cancelled. I was really looking forward to it, but well, it was cancelled so I cannot do anything about it and there were no more opportunities for me to participate in another.

 

I just feel sad generally about myself. I don't know I'm feeling this way; I know I shouldn't. >.<

[Fuzzbucket]

Hugs to both of you. I have felt that way in my time, and what I found helped was to find one person I could trust, and talk to them. Not about this, just talk. About anything. Movies, books, chemistry class, the weather. Any communication makes a link to others which can then spread.

 

If it pans out you may find you feel safe talking about your feelings later. But for now - just make small talk. You aren't different - I'm willing to bet LOADS of those people you feel different from feel just as different as you do. Hey wait - that's because we ARE all different

 

You are not alone. Either of you. Here or IRL.

[hazeh]

I found out the other night that a friend of mine committed suicide. I had just spoken to him last week, too. I've had friends attempt before, but this is my first experience with a successful attempt, and I'm just...reeling from it, I guess. I don't really know what to feel.

[Fuzzbucket]

I found out the other night that a friend of mine committed suicide. I had just spoken to him last week, too. I've had friends attempt before, but this is my first experience with a successful attempt, and I'm just...reeling from it, I guess. I don't really know what to feel.

((((Shiny))))

 

Don't worry about what to feel. It's not something you can choose. Hold on to your own sanity, and liaise with anyone else who is affected. It's a time to be together with those who care. These thing have a nasty habit of being infectious; sticking together is important.

 

And YOU are important - don't try and be everything to everyone. Take care of yourself - it is a terrible shock to the system.

[Obscure_Trash]

I found out the other night that a friend of mine committed suicide. I had just spoken to him last week, too. I've had friends attempt before, but this is my first experience with a successful attempt, and I'm just...reeling from it, I guess. I don't really know what to feel.

*HUGS*

 

A few years ago, a friend of mine died. We thought it was suicide (but it was revealed later as an accidental death, the circumstances of which I won't share publicly). The worst thing I did was force myself to go to class that day and the next. I had such a hard time focusing and not just bursting out into tears.

 

So I know you didn't ask for advice, but part of my support is to encourage you to take whatever time you can afford to take off. It's completely understandable that you'd be reeling from this, that you'd be confused, that you don't know how to process this yet. Even if you've experienced a personal death before (ie, someone you know/love), that doesn't make the next time any easier to deal with.

 

I'm really sorry for your loss. Please take some time off so you can naturally process your own thoughts and have some time to break down or accept it or whatever else stage you need to go through. <3