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Well, I'm off to college tomorrow.

 

And I feel about as unhappy as humanly possible. I am not remotely looking forward to this, the entire college experience thing is just stressing me out. I really have no idea what to study, not even a clue. And all I get from family is negativity because I'm not blissful or happy or whatever. And my parents are being as abrasive as sandpaper: as I am packing today, they start physically throwing clothing at me and saying 'Are you keeping this? Can I throw all of this out now?' When I tried to explain I was focussed on packing, and stressing about that, I get 'We've had to put up with all of your stuff in our house for years! It's not going to stay here!'

 

I can't seem to do anything right, ever, and this is just another even bigger example. Not to mention my parents expect me to pay them back fully for the tuition they pay because I 'didn't get a good enough scholarship.' I don't even want to go to college!

 

I'm so upset and stressed right now; I have no idea what to do.

Have you told them you don't want to go to college? See, you shouldn't have to pay your parents back. We owe them more them then we can pay back. Once you're out of that house and you get a job, that money is yours to do with as you please. Then you can focus on what you want to do during college, explore your options. And I don't mean college wise, I mean find it in your own time. It'll be out there waiting for you. -hugs-

 

I'm sorry you have such abrasive parents sad.gif I'm lucky I don't have to go through that except rent :/ and that's only 150 a month.

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Well, I'm off to college tomorrow.

 

And I feel about as unhappy as humanly possible. I am not remotely looking forward to this, the entire college experience thing is just stressing me out. I really have no idea what to study, not even a clue. And all I get from family is negativity because I'm not blissful or happy or whatever. And my parents are being as abrasive as sandpaper: as I am packing today, they start physically throwing clothing at me and saying 'Are you keeping this? Can I throw all of this out now?' When I tried to explain I was focussed on packing, and stressing about that, I get 'We've had to put up with all of your stuff in our house for years! It's not going to stay here!'

 

I can't seem to do anything right, ever, and this is just another even bigger example. Not to mention my parents expect me to pay them back fully for the tuition they pay because I 'didn't get a good enough scholarship.' I don't even want to go to college!

 

I'm so upset and stressed right now; I have no idea what to do.

Internet hugs aren't much, but here's one: *hugs*

 

College should be a choice, and I'm so sorry your folks are pushing it on you this way. I've been in your shoes before, and I hope you'll keep these phrases in mind:

 

1. You're not wrong for feeling the way you do.

2. Anyone who says so isn't thinking about you.

 

I won't pretend to know what you should do or what's going on in your life; everyone's situation is different... But you are important.

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Well, I'm off to college tomorrow.

 

And I feel about as unhappy as humanly possible. I am not remotely looking forward to this, the entire college experience thing is just stressing me out. I really have no idea what to study, not even a clue. And all I get from family is negativity because I'm not blissful or happy or whatever. And my parents are being as abrasive as sandpaper: as I am packing today, they start physically throwing clothing at me and saying 'Are you keeping this? Can I throw all of this out now?' When I tried to explain I was focussed on packing, and stressing about that, I get 'We've had to put up with all of your stuff in our house for years! It's not going to stay here!'

 

I can't seem to do anything right, ever, and this is just another even bigger example. Not to mention my parents expect me to pay them back fully for the tuition they pay because I 'didn't get a good enough scholarship.' I don't even want to go to college!

 

I'm so upset and stressed right now; I have no idea what to do.

Wow, your parents are... prickly. o_O I'm so sorry there's so much pressure on you about this!

 

I know there's a lot of pressure because you're still technically under your parents thumb, but you do NOT have to go to college. Especially if it's expensive and you don't know what you want to do and you don't even want to go.

 

Get out your resume, clean it up, run it by some of your old HS teachers. Start applying for jobs. Get a cheap place to rent and move out! Get away from your parents and that apparently toxic environment.

 

If you're being forced to go to college, my advice is go. Set your major as undecided and sign up for some fun/exploratory classes - the minimum amount. Can you register as part-time? Not as many classes required, and hopefully that will cost less. Then you can have a place to stay at college, away from your parents, AND have enough time to get a job and start saving up some cash. After a semester or two, if you're still not feeling college, then pull out. But after about a year, you should hopefully have saved up enough money to be able to rent someplace cheap (and maybe you can meet some other students interested in living off-campus because living with roommates is usually cheaper than by yourself).

 

You've been put in a sucky, stressful situation, but there are ways to make this your own thing. <3

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Hey, guys. Thanks for the support. I meant to reply earlier, but unfortunately I had to finish packing first. I talked to my parents (again), and they (finally) agreed I could leave if I still didn't want to go by the start of Spring term, so at least progress has been made on that front. I'm still not looking forward to this, but I have an out, at least.

 

Again, thanks, I really needed that. And I really did need hugs. smile.gif

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Thank you. It'll be some time until I no longer want him to be hurting as much as I am. He once told me "Vengeance is in our cores" we were really similar me and him. We both like gardening, we both like the same foods, we did our work together and we were both interested in pursuing into the medical field. He had warm hands while I had cold so together we were warm. He once pointed out to me when we were holding hands that my thumb was ontop of his. He said that he never let anyone else do it even his mother and sister because it was a dominance thing but he didn't mind it when I did it and in fact he didn't notice it for awhile.

 

I really do want him to suffer and that feeling isn't going to go away for a long time. But thank you guys for your kind words I appreciate it

Hey, hang in there, and take care of yourself! Like others said, I hope you can feel better soon.

 

I actually came here to comment because I saw your sig about getting rid of your engagement ring. I heard a thing recently about laws pertaining to engagement rings, and whether or not they need to be returned if the marriage doesn't take place for any reason (including world-class jerkery). It apparently varies by state, so it depends on where you live - or what country you live in ... this could all be completely moot, of course. I just wanted to make sure this guy couldn't continue to screw you over (well, more), but legally and financially this time.

 

Does anyone else know more about this? I'm afraid I'm pretty uninformed, and maybe someone has more info.

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Hey, guys. Thanks for the support. I meant to reply earlier, but unfortunately I had to finish packing first. I talked to my parents (again), and they (finally) agreed I could leave if I still didn't want to go by the start of Spring term, so at least progress has been made on that front. I'm still not looking forward to this, but I have an out, at least.

 

Again, thanks, I really needed that. And I really did need hugs. smile.gif

So glad there's some good news. <3

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Trigger:mention Of suicide

 

We were forced to go through a suicide prevention program. We couldn't opt out at all.

 

I didn't want to be reminded of my failure of saving my best friend. I could have helped. I didn't cause I thought he was strong enough not to, and that he wasn't being bullied that badly, that I got everyone to stop. He killed himself two years ago. Every time we are forced to go through with these things, my mood drops for the rest of the day... For a reason. I can't stop blaming myself...

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Trigger:mention Of suicide

 

We were forced to go through a suicide prevention program. We couldn't opt out at all.

 

I didn't want to be reminded of my failure of saving my best friend. I could have helped. I didn't cause I thought he was --- not to, and that he wasn't being bullied that badly, that I got everyone to stop. He killed himself two years ago. Every time we are forced to go through with these things, my mood drops for the rest of the day... For a reason. I can't stop blaming myself...

I'm going to once again suggest you talk to a professional. In this case, at least talk to a grief counselor.

 

There are some things you just can't stop yourself from feeling. There are some things where you need help, where an objective third party can help. Stop torturing yourself by denying yourself help. =(

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I'm going to once again suggest you talk to a professional. In this case, at least talk to a grief counselor.

 

There are some things you just can't stop yourself from feeling. There are some things where you need help, where an objective third party can help. Stop torturing yourself by denying yourself help. =(

 

Trigger: small mention about suicide

Just letting it out helps, I just.... Feel more comfortable being slightly anonymous telling my feelings by typing them other than talking face to face with someone.

 

It's not bothering me now, it's more of the fact:" oh s-word he died why did I f up so badly. " He had his reasons, and even though he didn't have to end it that way, he did... And that was when I was all innocent and didn't realize people where like that. Soon after, I started helping people, and helped convince them not to commit suicide. If it wasn't for that, if he didn't do that, I wouldn't have my close friends today because they'd be dead.

 

On a much happier note: my internet still wont work.

Edited by Jsward322

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Trigger: small mention about suicide

Just letting it out helps, I just.... Feel more comfortable being slightly anonymous telling my feelings by typing them other than talking face to face with someone.

 

It's not bothering me now, it's more of the fact:" oh s-word he died why did I f up so badly. " He had his reasons, and even though he didn't have to end it that way, he did... And that was when I was all innocent and didn't realize people where like that. Soon after, I started helping people, and helped convince them not to commit suicide. If it wasn't for that, if he didn't do that, I wouldn't have my close friends today because they'd be dead.

 

On a much happier note: my internet still wont work.

unfortunately, i forget what the websites are called but there are a few that are created for venting to someone anonymous in a chat or forum if those might help even better ^^i just know i remember seeing them passed around before, and they seemed helpful for people who like to be anonymous

 

-

 

i just started a new therapist, and went to see her yesterday. i was a complete failure with communicating to her. its a shame i cant make eye contact like other people, i kept looking away or down, and i covered my mouth a lot like i do when im nervous.

 

i still have a really painful tic, one that makes my throat and mouth clench up and strain, and i do it every few seconds. its starting to cause a lot of irritation and soreness, but it cant be treated nor stopped

 

and also i've been off track health-wise for a long time now, because of being depressed. i recently tried to start taking my meds again, but it's been hard to remember because my sleeping is all screwed up. any kind of change in my diet never helps for long, because i am too depressed to get out of bed or even my house lately, so i don't have the energy to go buy food for myself or make anything good for me

 

finally i feel like i annoy everyone on here, it isn't anything personal and no one in specific like did something to me, but i can't help but feel very annoying or a burden. liike thats why i've stopped posting a bit because idk, i feel like when people see my username theyre like "oh not this again" s: but i say again, its not personal and probably just me being weird

 

so yeah things havent been great. it is my birthday on sunday but thats about it for now

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Trigger: small mention about suicide

Just letting it out helps, I just.... Feel more comfortable being slightly anonymous telling my feelings by typing them other than talking face to face with someone.

 

It's not bothering me now, it's more of the fact:" oh s-word he died why did I f up so badly. " He had his reasons, and even though he didn't have to end it that way, he did... And that was when I was all innocent and didn't realize people where like that. Soon after, I started helping people, and helped convince them not to commit suicide. If it wasn't for that, if he didn't do that, I wouldn't have my close friends today because they'd be dead.

 

as silverwinter said, there are many websites that you can use if you just need to vent. this is my favourite one: the thoughts room, where you can type everything on your mind and watch it just explode or fall into pieces. it has pretty nice music too!!

 

be sure to take a break while helping people, too. it's lovely that you're there for your friends and considering their mental wellbeing, but constantly helping others has a toll on your mental state, too. it's okay to take a break for yourself if you need it. <33

 

i just started a new therapist, and went to see her yesterday. i was a complete failure with communicating to her. its a shame i cant make eye contact like other people, i kept looking away or down, and i covered my mouth a lot like i do when im nervous.

 

i still have a really painful tic, one that makes my throat and mouth clench up and strain, and i do it every few seconds. its starting to cause a lot of irritation and soreness, but it cant be treated nor stopped

 

and also i've been off track health-wise for a long time now, because of being depressed. i recently tried to start taking my meds again, but it's been hard to remember because my sleeping is all screwed up. any kind of change in my diet never helps for long, because i am too depressed to get out of bed or even my house lately, so i don't have the energy to go buy food for myself or make anything good for me

 

finally i feel like i annoy everyone on here, it isn't anything personal and no one in specific like did something to me, but i can't help but feel very annoying or a burden. liike thats why i've stopped posting a bit because idk, i feel like when people see my username theyre like "oh not this again" s: but i say again, its not personal and probably just me being weird

 

so yeah things havent been great. it is my birthday on sunday but thats about it for now

 

i'm sorry to hear your meeting didn't go too well !! just take it slow and early. she's a professional, and she should know not to push you too hard. it's hard to talk to people normally, and even harder to talk about certain issues. don't be too harsh on yourself, it gets easier. maybe not today or tomorrow or even a month from now, but you just have to take it one step at a time, okay?

 

is there any way you could set reminders to take pills? maybe ask someone to remind you every once in a while, or set something up on your phone?

i'm really sorry to hear things aren't going too great; if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to pm me!! it's hard to get out of bed but just take it day by day, i wish i could help more and i'm sorry i can't ; (

as flimsy as this sounds, i hope you get the support you need and that things get better soon <33

 

ahhh oh gosh i'm not sure if you'd take the word from a stranger like me, but i tend to lurk the forums more than i post !! ( trying to post more lately idk aha ) but i've seen you around a couple times and even thought "oh wow what a cool person they're always active, i'd really like to be their friend" and i can promise you a lot of people must feel the same way bc i'm on a lot of different sites too and usually if there''s someone who posts often / semi-often and you seen them a lot, it's usually with awe because they seem so cool and friendly. ; o ; i understand how you feel but i can promise that it's usually not the case <3 and honestly if someone sees someone posting a lot and thinks "wow how annoying" they're honestly just being rude, you have a right to be excited abt things / want to talk abt things without someone saying you can't.

 

happy birthday !! i hope you have a good one, remember to stay hydrated and take your meds! <3

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i just started a new therapist, and went to see her yesterday. i was a complete failure with communicating to her. its a shame i cant make eye contact like other people, i kept looking away or down, and i covered my mouth a lot like i do when im nervous.

 

i still have a really painful tic, one that makes my throat and mouth clench up and strain, and i do it every few seconds. its starting to cause a lot of irritation and soreness, but it cant be treated nor stopped

 

and also i've been off track health-wise for a long time now, because of being depressed. i recently tried to start taking my meds again, but it's been hard to remember because my sleeping is all screwed up. any kind of change in my diet never helps for long, because i am too depressed to get out of bed or even my house lately, so i don't have the energy to go buy food for myself or make anything good for me

 

finally i feel like i annoy everyone on here, it isn't anything personal and no one in specific like did something to me, but i can't help but feel very annoying or a burden. liike thats why i've stopped posting a bit because idk, i feel like when people see my username theyre like "oh not this again" s: but i say again, its not personal and probably just me being weird

 

so yeah things havent been great. it is my birthday on sunday but thats about it for now

Honestly, I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" way to communicate with a therapist. They're there to help you with all that awkwardness and all that stuff that you think is a personal failing. I hope that you are comfortable talking to her - if not, might be time to shop for another therapist - but I hope it goes better next time. <3

 

As someone with an eye tic whose face sometimes gets exhausted from it and it gives me headaches - ugh! That sounds like an awful tic. I'm so sorry. Tics are extremely frustrating. D| *gently massages face in a non-awkward way*

 

Good for you for going back on meds and trying to fix your schedule again. It may seem like rough going, but the fact that you're trying? That's so awesome and so good for you. Just keep doing what you can. <3

 

You're not annoying. D: There are going to be people who don't enjoy your company because that's just life, but there are plenty of people who do enjoy your presence here, myself included. *hugs*

 

Happy early birthday!

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Trigger: small mention about suicide

Just letting it out helps, I just.... Feel more comfortable being slightly anonymous telling my feelings by typing them other than talking face to face with someone.

 

It's not bothering me now, it's more of the fact:" oh - he died why did I - up so badly. " He had his reasons, and even though he didn't have to end it that way, he did... And that was when I was all innocent and didn't realize people where like that. Soon after, I started helping people, and helped convince them not to commit suicide. If it wasn't for that, if he didn't do that, I wouldn't have my close friends today because they'd be dead.

 

On a much happier note: my internet still wont work.

I am glad that talking to us helps. I imagine that talking to a professional might help better resolve some of these feelings rather than getting fleeting feelings of relief. But that's what this thread is for, so I'm glad it is helping you. ^^

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Honestly, I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" way to communicate with a therapist. They're there to help you with all that awkwardness and all that stuff that you think is a personal failing. I hope that you are comfortable talking to her - if not, might be time to shop for another therapist - but I hope it goes better next time. <3

 

As someone with an eye tic whose face sometimes gets exhausted from it and it gives me headaches - ugh! That sounds like an awful tic. I'm so sorry. Tics are extremely frustrating. D| *gently massages face in a non-awkward way*

 

Good for you for going back on meds and trying to fix your schedule again. It may seem like rough going, but the fact that you're trying? That's so awesome and so good for you. Just keep doing what you can. <3

 

You're not annoying. D: There are going to be people who don't enjoy your company because that's just life, but there are plenty of people who do enjoy your presence here, myself included. *hugs*

 

Happy early birthday!

just a reply to say thanks, your message made me feel reassured <3 and im glad that someone can understand frustrating tics and stuff too, usually i bring them up and people dont know what it is ;;

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Trigger warning: mention of death

 

My cat was just euthanized. His health was failing and he'd been in the animal hospital for a week. Signs were looking good yesterday and we had cleaned everything up in preparation for his return. But then things turned bad. And he had lost too much weight. So I said goodbye, petted him, hugged him, and now he's dead.

 

He was the first pet that I actually, truly loved. And now he's gone... I don't know what to expect as a response. It's not like any of you can bring him back... I'm just feeling emotional and this is the place for emotional support. So anything you can say that might help would be nice. My wayofcoping right now is lying in my bed trying to fall asleep. I guess it's a way to try and escape the feelings.

 

Thanks for listening...

-Vrack

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Trigger warning: mention of death

 

My cat was just euthanized. His health was failing and he'd been in the animal hospital for a week. Signs were looking good yesterday and we had cleaned everything up in preparation for his return. But then things turned bad. And he had lost too much weight. So I said goodbye, petted him, hugged him, and now he's dead.

 

He was the first pet that I actually, truly loved. And now he's gone... I don't know what to expect as a response. It's not like any of you can bring him back... I'm just feeling emotional and this is the place for emotional support. So anything you can say that might help would be nice. My wayofcoping right now is lying in my bed trying to fall asleep. I guess it's a way to try and escape the feelings.

 

Thanks for listening...

-Vrack

I'm so sorry about your cat... I've had several of my cats die on me, so I know the pain of loosing cats. It gets better after a while, just think, he's not in pain anymore, and he might just be a ghost following you around or doing his normal antics in your house. That's how I cope, so maybe it will help?

 

*hug* again, I'm so sorry he passed.

 

---------

Edit:

 

I'm not good with wording things or make my voice sound joking. I accidentally called a movie my mother was watching a Crappy soap opera in a slightly snarky voice to her when it was my sarcastic voice. I also meant Cheesy romance.

 

I said exactly," I don't feel like watching a //Crappy soap opera //" (// for sarcasm)

 

She then said," get your smart A** up the steps before I whip it."

 

Didn't give me time to explain it was sarcasm or anything. I was joking. And now im probably gonna get grounded for my vocalizing skills.

Edited by Jsward322

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It's not normal for me to double post in topics that I didn't create but, what did I do to deserve this much censorkip.gif going on in my life. (Excuse my bleeping I need to cuss sometimes and this is a perfect opportunity to do so.)

 

My second oldest Sister broke her Shin and Tiba bone and is having surgery to replace them tomorrow.

My Uncle is going to have a heart valve replacement that may kill him coming up.

 

My grandpa is covered with a very contagious infection and is having heart problems too. And he has to take me to school in the morning.

 

 

 

I wanna scream and cry and punch something and sob and all these different things because everything's going on at once and I want it to stop I want it to be normal again I want to relax but I'm being asked to do so much all the sudden and it's stressing me out to the point I'm empathetic to everything on the outside but I'm screaming and crying on the inside...

 

Edit: and I don't wanna tell my parents how I feel because I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to be a censorkip.gif cry baby and trying to make my mental health more important that everyone else's physical health.... I do it all the time since my mom is in constant pain and I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to be more important to her or to my dad or to my sister or to anyone else....

Edited by Jsward322

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Long time no see GD.

 

I have a very tight friend group of four close friends. Two of them recently went through rough periods of breakups, depression, etc. and coped by turning to each other for intimacy even though they were both interested in other people. Now they both feel intense guilt and have agreed they can't see each other anymore which is shattering our friend group, and one of them lied to me about what happened even though he was pretending to be forthcoming about everything and asking me for advice.

 

So this rapid change of pace made me rethink everything I've gone through in the past few years getting to know these people and coming to college and everything else, and I remembered how I used to hop on here when I was in high school and dealing with similar problems. I was a bit of an ass then, alienated some people, but I made some cool friends and it was an overall happy time in my life. So I thought I'd revisit for some nostalgia.

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Trigger warning: mention of death

 

My cat was just euthanized. His health was failing and he'd been in the animal hospital for a week. Signs were looking good yesterday and we had cleaned everything up in preparation for his return. But then things turned bad. And he had lost too much weight. So I said goodbye, petted him, hugged him, and now he's dead.

 

He was the first pet that I actually, truly loved. And now he's gone... I don't know what to expect as a response. It's not like any of you can bring him back... I'm just feeling emotional and this is the place for emotional support. So anything you can say that might help would be nice. My wayofcoping right now is lying in my bed trying to fall asleep. I guess it's a way to try and escape the feelings.

 

Thanks for listening...

-Vrack

I'm so late, but *hugs*. <3

 

When my sister's cat died, she really just wanted to be left alone for a while. She tried to not even let me call her to just give condolences. Losing a pet can be devastating. I hope you are feeling better now? Honestly, time is really the only thing that can help. Time and knowing people are there for you.

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ok mention of suicide warning

 

my family has a bakery business but it isn't doing so well,  and i helped out at first but it's horrible to work there. we originally opened it because we were going to get my girlfriend over here to work there but the stupid government took 2 years to reject our request

 

so now we don't have enough money we actually want to invest in the business because we're trying to just sell it but my dad is the only one working there until we can.  this means my mom has been guilting and hounding me to help,  but i absolutely cannot. my anxiety disables me from it,  when i went there before i got so freaked out that i locked myself in the bathroom. so i cannot help,  i can't do it

 

she has no clue how her constant asking is making me feel. she thinks it's so simple.  she always brags about how she triumphed her fears,  but she never had an actual mental illness she was just shy btw. i have so much guilt and stuff kept inside of me that sometimes id really like to end myself just to get rid of it.  i have no where to vent except here, no friends,  no therapist. am i just a bad person ? do i not deserve to be happy? im literally just wondering that lately because it seems like it

 

i don't know what kind of difference talking about it here will make but it feels compulsory when i get upset

That's alright. I understand. My mom is similar to that. She keeps on seeing the negative of everyone. It makes people down. Parents may be such. I apologise I can't much give advice to this as I'm also thinking of how to address it on my own life.

 

smile.gif Anyway, you are not a horrible person. You should think that you have meaning in life- you just have to find out along the way what your purpose is, your strengths. No one can say what that is for you; you have to do that for you. It isn't by chance that you are here. Pfft, look at the probability; there is only a small chance of existing, yet you are here. You are special.

 

dry.gif And yes, parents can make you feel down by making you feel unimportant by saying "Go find work!" and rant about it just a few moons after graduating from college. But I cannot complain. I'm Asian. ninja.gif We're supposed to be "disciplined".

Edited by georgexu94

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mentions of substance and child abuse

 

Background: I was a child with mild to moderate RAD (reactive attachment disorder), now have BPD, generally struggle with life still.

 

I've been attempting to speak with my mother, which is an incredible ordeal in many ways, but the main problem is it's becoming clear to me that her denials go beyond mere shame, and she actually might not remember the heights of her abuse and the things she did at all. She did use and drink heavily but, it just didn't seem feasible she could be so completely naive. It's been suggested to me many times by professionals that she may have been so effected she could very well not remember it, but it just didn't seem possible to me.

 

The fact the the darkest, most horrible times of my life probably don't even exist in the consciousness of the perpetrator and are just lone, hazy memories in my own mind between me and a monster is just making me feel more alone and .. detached, unreal, than ever before.

 

take care everyone

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ok mention of suicide warning

 

my family has a bakery business but it isn't doing so well, and i helped out at first but it's horrible to work there. we originally opened it because we were going to get my girlfriend over here to work there but the stupid government took 2 years to reject our request

 

so now we don't have enough money we actually want to invest in the business because we're trying to just sell it but my dad is the only one working there until we can. this means my mom has been guilting and hounding me to help, but i absolutely cannot. my anxiety disables me from it, when i went there before i got so freaked out that i locked myself in the bathroom. so i cannot help, i can't do it

 

she has no clue how her constant asking is making me feel. she thinks it's so simple. she always brags about how she triumphed her fears, but she never had an actual mental illness she was just shy btw. i have so much guilt and stuff kept inside of me that sometimes id really like to end myself just to get rid of it. i have no where to vent except here, no friends, no therapist. am i just a bad person ? do i not deserve to be happy? im literally just wondering that lately because it seems like it

 

i don't know what kind of difference talking about it here will make but it feels compulsory when i get upset

How rough sad.gif Hounding you won't make the situation better, or make you any more comfortable! (Also, from a purely organizational point of view, it's not as if going in to work and then having anxiety will even remotely help out the business. Sheesh.)

 

I can't help with the suicidal thoughts (as I am in no way qualified) except to say please don't, my dear, but here's my random managerial input about the store:

 

Is it possible to help out at the bakery in a way that won't make you anxious? Would it be possible to pitch in while the store is closed and empty, rather than in service roles? (Or is it the location or something else that makes things difficult there?) I know bakeries have a TON of prep work and cleaning that has to be done prior to opening/after hours, which you could do at your own pace and with more control over negative influences.

 

Hang in there, please take care of yourself, and hugs smile.gif

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How rough sad.gif Hounding you won't make the situation better, or make you any more comfortable! (Also, from a purely organizational point of view, it's not as if going in to work and then having anxiety will even remotely help out the business. Sheesh.)

 

I can't help with the suicidal thoughts (as I am in no way qualified) except to say please don't, my dear, but here's my random managerial input about the store:

 

Is it possible to help out at the bakery in a way that won't make you anxious? Would it be possible to pitch in while the store is closed and empty, rather than in service roles? (Or is it the location or something else that makes things difficult there?) I know bakeries have a TON of prep work and cleaning that has to be done prior to opening/after hours, which you could do at your own pace and with more control over negative influences.

 

Hang in there, please take care of yourself, and hugs smile.gif

thank you for your kind words and concern

 

the thing is, even though the questions you brought up were good, the bakery will be closed soon - therefore i feel no need to stress myself to no end and help. plus it would just be me and my father there, and he is terrifying, so that would be no help to the situation

 

there's nothing i could do anyway, i can't drive - so if i wanted go there after hours or any less stressful time, i might as well just stay there all day and i'd like to avoid that. its a sucky situation, and i can't wait until this whole thing is completely over :/

 

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I know my problem is a lot smaller compared to a lot of the other struggles people are faced with... So I hope I'm not out of place for posting here <3

 

My boyfriend is in the navy (sumbariner) and is currently on Deployment, he's only been gone/out of contact for 2 weeks this time and we should be able to talk in a day or two. But he won't be coming home till the end of the year. We live together and at the moment I feel so alone without him here. I have a dog and cat keeping me company and my mother calls to check in on me. I have a job but it's only part-time casual so I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing and feeling inadequate. I don't have friends and don't feel like there is any point in socialising anyway, because it serves no practical purpose (that sounds really cold and logical but I still feel like there's something wrong with me for thinking that way). I also don't have my license nor do I earn enough for driving lessons, so I feel even more isolated and trapped in this house on my numerous days off. But the thing is, he isn't even in hostile or even international waters, and it's "only" been 2 weeks, and I feel so down and miss him so much. I don't know how I will cope when he goes on an operational deplpyment (into hostile waters) for several months with no or minimal contact... I feel like I'm incapable of getting my own life together and I still don't know why he loves me and I just don't know what I should be doing. How I can avoid feeling lonely in the evenings at home and over dinner. Why I can't seem to believe he cares about me. How to *live* when he's gone, instead of just *waiting*.

 

Anyway, if anyone has any advice on activities to feel happy and content, or ways I can feel like socialising is worth it, or ways I can convince myself that his love is genuine... Anything would be appreciated. I just don't know where to turn and end up suppressing all my feelings instead.

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