Emotional Support

[Obscure_Trash]

A lot of people feel like this. Two things that may be good practice:

-Even if you don't feel like you deserve praise, always say thank you and accept it with a positive attitude. This can help us feel like we are deserving when it comes our way.

-When you've done something big, share with those who care. If you get insulted, put up your hand and say "No, thanks. I am proud of what I've accomplished and I'm sorry you can't be happy for me."

Thanks, that's nice. Regarding the second part, that sounds like bragging!

We're allowed to brag, lol. Sometimes we gotta toot our own horn. Take pleasure in what you do well. It's okay to be proud of your accomplishments.

[LupaWulf]

Also, I think it's fair to keep activities at K's place outside or to meet at a more neutral place. Her smoking literally harms you physically. If she's a friend, she should understand that being at her place is harmful to you and work with you. Yeah, it sucks when you and a friend have such different needs, but hey. I lived with two smokers for a few years and both highly respected my asthma and health needs. They never smoked inside or with windows open where they were smoking. When they were outside and I was coming home, they always moved so that I wouldn't be downwind of them. My female roommate in particular was especially careful to watch both of them and make sure I was okay. These were never things I asked them to do. They did it because they understood and were happy to make sure my health wasn't affected by their habits. Our house never reeked of smoke. They were very responsible and careful about it.

 

Anyway. I feel like you mostly just need to get that out and it sounds like it helped. Glad that you post!

Thanks!

Yeah, I'm not putting up with the lying. Or any other business until she figures her self out again. And another friend offered to watch my rabbits this summer, so I don't have to worry.

 

Yes, K's doesn't bother me as much as anyone else. She buys pipe tobacco and has does roll your own with s little machine. It's cheeper.

 

The commercial ones really kill me. I can tell the differce too. My boyfriend's parents. Their house for the holidays, wow. I tried the new prescription from the doctor and did great until I got a migrane. I didn't get sick, but I'm not sure which is worse! I kind of crack up sbout that at home in retrospect.

 

The person I'm stuck working with for a bit longer too. She doesn't smoke around me, but the 3rd hand at clings to her clothes is so bad. I am positive it's that too, she usually drives the work van, and I have a reoccurring ear ache I'm battling on the left side. I felt better from the New Years holiday short week too.

But I spoke with the boss and soon will be working solo. Hopefully that will be it.

[SUP3RSPAWN3R]

Thanks for the advice. I'm not very squeamish (watched an open heart surgery in Biology without much trouble) so I may choose to only get my mouth numbed up for it. I have a long time to think about it (surgery is during spring break). I really hate soft foods though (except ice cream), so I guess I'll find a new respect for mint chocolate chip...

[lady_caetlyn]

*hugs anyone who is having a bad life at the moment*

This.

 

It was a pretty rotten day at work (It's been a rough six months at work) I am looking forward to going back to my original department.

 

My supervisor is a real b*#&% and tends to pick on me and two of my coworkers in turn. She's been more brutal with me as of late...and she tends to bully and try to evoke reactions. I think she's mad because I don't react to her in the way I think she wants.

 

The problem is that one of the divisions I support - the managers have not been clear on what they expect; I don't even think they know...

[Fizzix]

The surgery center charge for Dad's surgery: $48,154.83.

That number doesn't include the ~5000 ER visit a week after the surgery. It doesn't includ the anesthesiologist, and we don't know if it includes the surgeon. It certainly won't include the PT he'll need later, and additional doctor's visits keep adding.

 

I feel like puking.

[MedievalMystic]

Fizz, is there any way you could talk to the hospital to set up some sort of payment plan? Have you tried? They're usually receptive to that.

 

Lady C, can you report that woman on the down low?

Edited January 10, 2015 by MedievalMystic

[lady_caetlyn]

Mystic, I have. That's why the union got involved...

[MedievalMystic]

That's good, Lady C. Nobody in a position of power should be allowed to bully anyone and make their lives miserable just because they think they can. I hope she gets nailed to the wall and peace returns.

[LupaWulf]

The surgery center charge for Dad's surgery: $48,154.83.

That number doesn't include the ~5000 ER visit a week after the surgery. It doesn't includ the anesthesiologist, and we don't know if it includes the surgeon. It certainly won't include the PT he'll need later, and additional doctor's visits keep adding.

 

I feel like puking.

Talk to the hospital's billing department.

 

You might have to sit down with them and do some paperwork regarding your dad's income/financial status, but meh hospitals will give discounts or even write off huge bills -even those left after insurance pays some. Or there might be a grant available to help cover.

 

Seriously, it is a massive pain in the butt, but it is doable. I dogged the local hospital up here when I was oh Remicade. Even after insurance AND a grant from the medicine company, I was still out $1000 per month to JUST the hospital. Not including every other copay for other meds, blood work, doctor appointments. It was an awful feeling to have it all hanging over my head. It worked out, I paid some, but they really cut it down.

 

Best of luck to you and your family. I'm so sorry our medical stuff is such crap and more of a money maker than caring about making people well.

[georgexu94]

This.

 

It was a pretty rotten day at work (It's been a rough six months at work) I am looking forward to going back to my original department.

 

My supervisor is a real b*#&% and tends to pick on me and two of my coworkers in turn.  She's been more brutal with me as of late...and she tends to bully and try to evoke reactions.  I think she's mad because I don't react to her in the way I think she wants.

 

The problem is that one of the divisions I support - the managers have not been clear on what they expect; I don't even think they know...

Aww, I know how much superiors are whimsical at some times. Just endure it until you can find a better job. Find a job to replace your current one or ask to be reassigned somewhere else. However, it is difficult to be unemployed so that's why I say find a replacement one first before leaving your current one. Best wishes to you!

[lady_caetlyn]

George - she is that way with my two coworkers too...plays games, etc, has tried to turn us on each other (we are a pretty decent team).

 

I have been looking for other jobs, and am on the list for any lateral opportunities; that said, I'm going to now be supporting the division that is pleased with my work full time - it will be good because I KNOW what they want, and I know the expectation.

 

Since my husband is out of work, and I'm the one with the benefits, you are darn right that I'm not quitting.

 

and ***HUGS*** all around to everyone who needs one.

[Cottoncat]

I'm super scared about a presentation I have to do this spring at school. It has to be as long as an entire lesson, and I have no idea how I'll survive. Last time I had a presentation, it was less than ten minutes long and I was really close to fainting anyways. I've always had a fear of presenting in front of people, because during all presentations (if I don't have a paper to read from) I happen to forget everything and stutter. After that, the horrible sweating and quivering happens and I start to feel like fainting. Something about my blood pressure also makes it worse, since it doesn't let me stand up for more than ~10 minutes. Last time it was only six minutes, before I began to feel dizzy.

 

There is a possibility to talk about the presentation with the teacher, if there's a reason one can't do it. Even though I'd like to mention my fears to him, I somehow feel like he's going to assume that I'm just giving him an excuse to prevent the presentation.

[georgexu94]

I'm super scared about a presentation I have to do this spring at school. It has to be as long as an entire lesson, and I have no idea how I'll survive. Last time I had a presentation, it was less than ten minutes long and I was really close to fainting anyways. I've always had a fear of presenting in front of people, because during all presentations (if I don't have a paper to read from) I happen to forget everything and stutter. After that, the horrible sweating and quivering happens and I start to feel like fainting. Something about my blood pressure also makes it worse, since it doesn't let me stand up for more than ~10 minutes. Last time it was only six minutes, before I began to feel dizzy.

 

There is a possibility to talk about the presentation with the teacher, if there's a reason one can't do it. Even though I'd like to mention my fears to him, I somehow feel like he's going to assume that I'm just giving him an excuse to prevent the presentation. 

Oh Styx! Same problem here and you got me worried about my future presentation next month. Oh dear!

[Fizzix]

I'm super scared about a presentation I have to do this spring at school. It has to be as long as an entire lesson, and I have no idea how I'll survive. Last time I had a presentation, it was less than ten minutes long and I was really close to fainting anyways. I've always had a fear of presenting in front of people, because during all presentations (if I don't have a paper to read from) I happen to forget everything and stutter. After that, the horrible sweating and quivering happens and I start to feel like fainting. Something about my blood pressure also makes it worse, since it doesn't let me stand up for more than ~10 minutes. Last time it was only six minutes, before I began to feel dizzy.

 

There is a possibility to talk about the presentation with the teacher, if there's a reason one can't do it. Even though I'd like to mention my fears to him, I somehow feel like he's going to assume that I'm just giving him an excuse to prevent the presentation.

There are reasons to get accommodations to lessons made, and this is one of them. Talk to your teacher about maybe being able to sit down while you make your presentation due to the blood pressure, and learn to use an outline. If you know your topic well, even an outline or some notecards (so you can flip through them, have a motion that lets you know you're moving on, and a bit of a fidget to focus you) can help keep you on track without the rigidity of reading from a paper.

 

Remember that if everyone else has to do this presentation, they're going to be as scared of doing theirs as you are of doing yours. Even though they're not doing it on the same day, they're probably worried about doing theirs more than how you're doing on yours.

 

Public speaking is hard, but it doesn't have to be. It's a common fear. Make sure you know everything you possibly can about your subject, and narrow it down to what you need to share with the class.

[annageckos]

We just had to put down our German Shepherd, Nevada. She was 11 and always had poor health. But it was so fast. I'm having a hard time adjusting to her not being here. To start she was a puppy mill dog. When she was a pup she had to have heart surgery. Over the last few months she got a cough, our vet told us it was 'old dog bronchitis', I think it has something to do with her heart. She got to a point where she didn't want to eat much and I didn't think she would make it much longer, we had to coax her to eat. I started her on some supplements for her heart and overall health and she started to come around, started eating like a pig again. But she was having a hard time walking, I though it was hip dysplasia but now and thinking it was Degenerative Myelopathy (DM). If it was DM there is no treatment, no cure. It was so fast, over a couple hours she started dragging her back leg, then lost all movement of it. Her other leg was getting weak too. It would have been no quality of life, she couldn't walk and we couldn't carry her around. As it was she messed herself and we cleaned her up. I would have happily cleaned up after her if I thought she had any chance of recovering. So we put her down. I know we did what was right, we couldn't have let her suffer. But I can't help but feel we killed her.

We had taken our basset, Shorty with us. He loved her so much. After she passed he was licking her all over. When that didn't work to wake her he just laid down next to her. It was heartbreaking. We will be getting her ashes back soon, and I know that will start the pain fresh all over again.

[lady_caetlyn]

Annageckos, I am so so so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. You did the right thing, although it was probably one of the hardest things to do. *hugs*

 

CottonKatt: good luck on your presentation. I agree that you should talk to the teacher about accomodations for the presentation...that way you aren't getting out of it; you just need certain accomodations for medical reasons! Will keep good thoughts.

[DragonSpirit009]

Recently it feels like everything is upside down.

At the moment I'm living with three other people, lets call them Elizabeth, Marcus and John. Elizabeth, John and myself work for the same company in the same department. We all live together because work moved us and not one of us is financially strong enough to afford a flat on our own.

 

Recently Elizabeth and Marcus just got married and wants to move out which means John and myself will need to find a new place to stay because we can't afford the current flat between the two of us. But today I just heard that John quit and going back home to the West Coast which leaves me to find a new place to stay before the end of the month. The problem is I'm financially in my glory already and now I have to look for a flat and there isn't anything in my price range. Not even for a room to rent in someone's house.

My work wont give a salary adjustment and they never even did when they moved us.

 

I feel so panicked and stressed because there is always something happening and changing. Not once I have I felt any structure since my work moved me.

 

I know some would say look for a new job but in my line in my country its kind of hard. Especially since my skill set is so low compared to what other businesses want. I just want to sit in a corner and cry.

 

[Kestra15]

*cuddles Spirit*

 

I hope you find somewhere, and wish I could give you some meaningful advice. I guess finding a whole new line of work won't solve the immediate problem since you'll still need somewhere cheap to live, and while moving back in with family may be an interim solution it's a lot of independence to lose at the drop of a hat. Have you asked around at work to see if anyone else has a spare room going, or is looking to house-share?

[annageckos]

Annageckos, I am so so so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. You did the right thing, although it was probably one of the hardest things to do. *hugs*

 

Thank you. Yes, it was hard, still is. There is a huge hole now, but it's getting easier. A little.

[DragonSpirit009]

*cuddles Spirit*

 

I hope you find somewhere, and wish I could give you some meaningful advice. I guess finding a whole new line of work won't solve the immediate problem since you'll still need somewhere cheap to live, and while moving back in with family may be an interim solution it's a lot of independence to lose at the drop of a hat. Have you asked around at work to see if anyone else has a spare room going, or is looking to house-share?

*huggles Kestra*

 

I've asked but everyone is either married or is starting a family and I don't want to intrude in their homes. The only solution I could come up with for the time being is driving in and out daily. It will exhaust me and will be a bit dangerous but I'm not planning to do it for the rest of my life. I need to save money for a fridge as well and this is the only way I can do so.

I spoke to my mother and she thinks also its a good idea.

The only problem now is getting all my stuff from here back home.

 

I really dislike all this insecurity and not sure where I stand. It eats me away.

[AnanoKimi]

I'm in this awful mix of depressed but hopeful... Monday last week I tried to feed my snake to no avail. I feed her in a separate container and when after about half an hour to an hour of refusing to even look at her pinky I placed her back in her tank... Between then and this Monday she somehow went missing. Her tank has a top that is secured by pressing it down firmly. I always make sure to press it down and she is still a very young snake as as such not very strong. She couldn't have bumped it open on her own but my cats have been restless lately and I feel somehow her top got bumped enough to where it got loose. Now I know I should have purchased a different top, latched it some how, but I've been short on cash. She was a gift from my dad and I already had the tank, I just needed to find some sort of latch or make one which at the time I was unable to... Long story short I didn't check on her that Wednesday like I had the gut feeling to, got sick the Thursday after that, and only really had the energy to check on her that Monday, to find her gone.

 

I am kicking my self for not checking sooner and the part of me that constantly belittles me is screaming at how inadequate of a pet owner I am. It doesn't help that as of November of last year just all sorts of awful things have been happening in terms of my pets. One of my cats got shot, went through surgery, recovered only to go missing and is presumed dead. My other cat suddenly became mangy but it wasn't mange and the tests to check if it was allergy were an arm and a leg and I had to have him put down. I had a lizard that got infested with mites and I noticed too late. By the time I was starting to investigate and trying to figure out how to help my lizard she died from the mites. And now my snake, my pretty, gorgeous, sweet little CA King snake is somewhere in my house cold as hell, or somewhere in my yard, or god forbid one of my cats got to her before she could get to a safe hiding spot.

 

I set up scent traps, and I'm trying to be optimistic, I haven't told my mom out of fear of her just yelling at me and adding to my already crappy mood. I want to keep my hopes up that maybe, just maybe I can find her, but a foot and a half long (give or take) king snake in a house with dogs and cats where the doors are almost always open its hard to keep my hopes up that shes even in the house much less alive. Part of me just want to curl up in a ball and just weep my eyes out till I drown in a pool of my own tears and another part of me wants to try and find her. I feel so inadequate and just... awful. I feel like a bad pet owner and I just don't know how to deal with this...

 

[Note: The scent trap I set up consists of empty water bottles not dried out containing one cotton ball dipped and partially soaked in blood. I quick made these and might poke a few holes in them to allow the scent to travel more freely from other than the mouth of the bottle.]

Edited January 14, 2015 by AnanoKimi

[Fuzzbucket]

(((HUGS.)))

 

I know it will not help AT ALL, but I accidentally let my daughter's gerbil loose once. That was some Houdini gerbil. And my deafness means that I have NO directional hearing. I managed to work out that he was in the kitchen - but where ? And we were in a row house with not very good divider walls and next door had two cats...

 

in the end I HAD to go to work. I rushed home on my lunch (I did NOT want her coming back from school to find him eaten ) and I did manage to catch him - only because he had made it into the oven and couldn't get out. But these annoying pets do have a way of turning up. Never lose hope until it comes and says it gave up on YOU.

[Omega Entity]

Snakes love heat (though I don't need to tell you this!), so check places like under the stove, under the dryer, and in the heating vents. Pull out those appliances so you can check thorougly, though that will likely require help, and having to reveal what happened to your mom.

 

Good luck!

[annageckos]

AnanoKimi, try setting up a heat light or heating pad around where you think the snake may be, against the wall or something. Snakes will normally follow the wall because they feel more secure that way. You can also try to put down flour, that way you can see if it's in crossed the flour. I've never heard of using blood to attract snakes, I really don't think it will work. The scent of a mouse may work, you could get some used bedding and put out some water. Also look everywhere, and I mean everywhere. Up high, down low, in draws, closets. Everything. They can get into surprising places. Cali Kingsnakes are nocturnal so try looking at night with a flashlight.

There is a huge debate about feeding in cage or in a separate container. I have always fed in cage. It doesn't cause cage aggression. Trying to feed in a separate container can also cause stress and many snakes will not eat outside of the cage. I know this doesn't help now, but it's something to think about later.

What kind of cage do you have? Does it open from the top? You could try to either get clamps or get something heavy to put on top. And in the future if you ever see mites on your reptiles you can use dawn dish soap to kill them. Then clean the tank out and sterilize everything. Mites will hid out in the corners of the cage and in the decor, if you don't get them out you'll just keep getting re-infested.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. Those little Cali Kingsnakes can be little Houdinis. I had one get out of a locked cage, I found it not far away. It was a teeny tiny little gap, never would have thought it could get out, but then I found it halfway out, squeezing through. It got moved to a new cage after that. I've also had other small snakes get out. I had a little baby garter snake get out of an aquarium. The lid was on, it was just able to squeeze through.

Edited January 14, 2015 by annageckos

[lady_caetlyn]

*hugs* Spirit.

 

Change like that is really sucky. Maybe you will be able to save up some money living at home and then can go find a flat of your own. I hope it works out for you.

 

AnanoKimi, you aren't an inadequate pet owner. Things happen. I remember one year, my husband and I were on our way to go camping. We were about an hour and a half away from home, and I panicked because I hadn't seen our cat before I left. We had to turn around and go home and look for her...I was that panicked. We found her hiding in the closet. I am sure your snake will turn up at some point.

 

We all have those coulda, shoulda, woulda moments. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. (hugs)