Emotional Support

[Shienvien]

@Trinketguu: There will always be people who will listen, even when they might not always be the easiest to identify. I often linger in the background, but when I say something, or try to help someone - I will remember that myself, often for years, and if I could help just a bit ... it is a good feeling. Knowing you can make someone feel better. And I sure do not intend to disappear anywhere, I can tell you that.

I am sorry for your loss ... and I don't know what else to say. I know that additional pain and loss feels terrible. Remember him for the good person you make him sound he was. I am certain he cared about you, and would rather have you be happy.

Your life still goes on. You can be stronger than you think you can. Set small goals to yourself, you can get quite a bit done if you are doing just something small to progress whenever you can. I know people who are stuck with chronic pain or disability - and I've also seen them overcome it; state that be they damned if they ever let pain, or blindness, or whatever they have stop them.

Humans are adaptive creatures. And there will always be people who will want to help you and make you feel better. Sometimes they will be a bit over-eager to do so, but that's only a guarantee that they will definitely respond once you ask for them.

Do you have any hobbies?

[NatPur]

@Trinketguu, you are definitely strong enough. I firmly believe that no one knows how strong they are until they are tested. Not many people give themselves enough credit for what they go through, and it seems like you've made it through a lot already. It may take some time, but you are capaple of getting through any rough patch in your life.

[Myra the Sark]

So I'm going to have to get all four of my wisdom-teeth out. I've been told that it's not a big deal, but I am seriously freaking out over it.

[InugamiZERO]

So I'm going to have to get all four of my wisdom-teeth out. I've been told that it's not a big deal, but I am seriously freaking out over it.

I'm getting mine out in a few months and my mum got hers out a few years ago

its not that big of a deal, after it you will be in a bit of pain and limited in what you can eat for a while but most people are fine afterwards

maybe looking into it a bit will help you calm down or talking to someone who has had it done already

[Ruby Eyes]

Getting wisdom teeth out basically means, soups and icecream afterwards, for a week or two. The pain is manageable, even for a wuss like me (speaking from experience, yes).

You'll bite through this, Myra - there must be a reason why I always misread your name as "the Shark," after all

[amillionelephants]

So I'm going to have to get all four of my wisdom-teeth out. I've been told that it's not a big deal, but I am seriously freaking out over it.

I just got mine out a couple days ago. It wasn't as bad as I thought. The surgery itself didn't hurt at all (I got anesthesia through the IV so I was unconscious throughout the thing). It only started really hurting the day after the operation. But the only real issue is that I'm kinda out of it due to all the pain meds. Don't worry too much

[Syiren]

I really 'd up this time and I may have lost a friend over it. He was one of the first friends I ever met online and that was back in Myspace's early days. 2003/2005? something like that. It started out as role-playing friendship then it turned into greater friendship and we were soon friends on almost every website we had accounts on.

 

It turned into online dating and I had feelings for him and he did for me. Then I started falling into depression and becoming distant. He was patient, but months went by without talking. Did I feel horrible? Yes, but I developed this awful habit of not wanting to talk to people. It wasn't just him and it still isn't. I don't talk to my older brother or my sister-in-law who i love dearly. It's nothing they've done and it's nothing I've done, I just....don't really know why I don't. I get real anxious when I think about talking on the phone to them or in my friend's case, messaging him. It's almost like I feel they'd be disappointed in me, but about what? I feel like I've let them down, wihout a reason why.

 

My friend sent me a message on another site and the PM title read "I'm done..." I didn't open it, assuming the worst of what it meant and from him that's probably what it is, "I'm done waiting".

 

I wrote him a new message without opening the one he sent me and explained in detail what has been going on with me the past few months. My depression, the new medication, my daily struggles. I try to put on a brave face, act cheerful. i try so hard to be nice and kind to others because it's then that I forget the pathetic existence I'm living in.

 

I want to stay friends with him, but if he doesn't want to understand I'll be upset, but what else can I do? I just don't want to ends things badly after all the years we've been friends.

[MysteryX95]

What is friendship supposed to be? It seems like it's supposed to be some kind of militarian dictatorship where the lesser party submits to the every will of the higher ups. This feels wrong to me but anytime I try to be what I thought was a good friend, I get made to feel I was wrong and I should just be a servant boy who speaks not and obeys all. Is that what I should do? Just obey and forfeit my own will and dreams? Is that what love is as well? Forgive me if this isn't the kind of post this topic was intended for, it was the only one I could find that seemed to fit my troubles.

[Syiren]

What is friendship supposed to be? It seems like it's supposed to be some kind of militarian dictatorship where the lesser party submits to the every will of the higher ups. This feels wrong to me but anytime I try to be what I thought was a good friend, I get made to feel I was wrong and I should just be a servant boy who speaks not and obeys all. Is that what I should do? Just obey and forfeit my own will and dreams? Is that what love is as well? Forgive me if this isn't the kind of post this topic was intended for, it was the only one I could find that seemed to fit my troubles.

Believe me, I so relate to how you feel. I'm going through a similar issue myself on a number of levels involving several people in my life.

 

It's not easy to be treated like an adult or like an equal when no one around you seems to see you as one. I wish I had some helpful advice for you, but at the moment I'm a bit lost to the unknown myself. All I can say is, try to take it one day at a time and if it gets to be too overwhelming, try to find a positive outlet to vent.

Edited December 16, 2014 by Syiren

[MysteryX95]

Believe me, I so relate to how you feel. I'm going through a similar issue myself on a number of levels involving several people in my life.

 

It's not easy to be treated like an adult or like an equal when no one around you seems to see you as one. I wish I had some helpful advice for you, but at the moment I'm a bit lost to the unknown myself. All I can say is, try to take it one day at a time and if it gets to be too overwhelming, try to find a positive outlet to vent.

Sorry you've been having such troubles. It sucks :<

 

I've figured a few things out, thanks for the support guys.

Edited December 17, 2014 by MysteryX95

[Ruby Eyes]

@Syiren: I've been there, too, including the role-playing, feelings etc, even around the same years as you. Only difference with us was that we both were falling into depression, each on their own, and we could not do much to support each other, and thus we lost contact about 8 years ago. I'm hoping she's fine, these days ...

Fact is, depression does this to you. It's a big pile of rubble that you have to deal with, that's eating up all your power - your emotional and social energy. I've been unable to communicate, too, to the people who meant the most to me, and some of them didn't have the patience to wait, like your friend.

 

It's good that you were able to get help, and that you were able to explain things to him now. As far as I can tell from here, you can only wait for him to read and understand, and wait patiently for him to react.

 

Is it you who made him wait all that time? Yes, but it's not your *fault*, it's a disease that disabled you, in a way. You feel guilty, of course, and I've seen people stick to their feelings of guilt because it gave them the illusion of having been in control of what happened.

What your guilt can do for you is to teach you how to handle things differently in the future. You know your enemy now - depression - and you can try to prepare for it.

I found this page recently, and found it quite helpful for dealing with this pile of rubble in my head, and its side effects: http://www.depressioncomix.com/posts/212/ (it says "comix" but it isn't really comical)

[Ytak]

I could use a hug. I'm taking care of grandma and Sunday I went to the hospital with the worst pain I've ever had in my life. Turns out I had an ovarian cyst that burst. I'm feeling much better after a full night's sleep (in my own bed) but now I worry about a relapse. Even with medication, I really don't want to go a second round with that level of pain.

[Ruby Eyes]

*offers a big, gentle hug*

[DoggyGuy]

I think a hug would hurt

Gives a hug anyways (well, as much as I can)

 

OK, I have used this once before, and I shall use it again.

Basically, I am getting married tomorrow as the wedding had to be rescheduled. I am scared. I ad back surgery a while ago, but as a result I get servere pains that literally leave me immobilized and in so much pain that I can't do or think or anything but writh around, moan as screaming hurts my head even more and hope for it to stop. The attack starts with a moderate pain, then slowly grows until it spikes and immobilizing me for about 2 hours. The pains stay severe for a week. I had one today along with my knees weakening so they can't support me, one of the effects of my bone structure not correct. My lower legs' bones curve inward, and my knees weaken so I collapse. This happened at the same time as my back attack. I have to go to the wedding, but I still can't get out of bed or move my knees. The doctor can't do anything, so I have to wait it out. My future wife wanted to cancel wedding and let me heal, but I refused, so the wedding is still set for tomorrow and can't be moved. What do I do? I need some support, physically and mentally. I doubt I could get physical support, so I must get mental support. Also, my future wife has gone to prepare for the wedding, so I can't see her until the wedding as usual customs are. The wedding is in about 16 hours, but my future wife can't some since its a long drive here, my place and where the wedding is to be held.

Edited December 17, 2014 by DoggyGuy

[Rachel72]

*Gives a hug to anyone who either needs or would like to have one

[Lady_Lunevis]

hi i'm back and i'm so sorry for having to dump all of this emotional stuff on you guys but i just really need to let this all out

 

so basically--i think i've talked about this before--but it's my mom. who i am. very confused about ???

 

so for the past few days i've been having really bad depression and panic attacks, so badly that i had to go back home halfway through school on monday and i stayed home on tuesday. because of this, i had to phone my therapist who suggested i book a doctor's appointment and see if i need antidepressants, because i've started having rly bad thoughts and cutting again.

 

my dad has been very supportive of the whole thing, but unfortunately he's rather estranged and can't outright take care of me since custody belongs to my mom.

 

this night, i was printing my cover page for english ( we're supposed to write a mini novella, draw pictures, and make a cover ), and she came in and started screaming at me. she was asking why i was wasting my time drawing ( while it's actually really helpful for my anxiety and depression--it's one of the things i really like doing, along with writing ). i told her i was finishing up pictures for english and she just freaked--she kept demanding why i was even working on schoolwork when apparently i didn't want to go to school anymore. at this point, i burst into tears and kept telling her i was sorry and that i'd go back to school tomorrow, but she told me she didn't care anymore and so i was really confused and asked her what she wanted.

she never really told me; she just kept screaming at me about how sick i was and how she wasn't surprised i was sick. this is the same woman who has thrown pills at me before and told me to overdose and kill myself, so naturally i was just sobbing and unable to really speak.

she kept yelling at me to stop crying and then she said something along the lines of "you always do this, never listening and just crying", and so i kept telling her i was sorry and asking her to stop yelling.

she just told her boyfriend how i always overdramatised things. at this point i just hung up on her ( we were talking using the phone because she's in bed and she can't be bothered to get up or something ).

she even threatened to take away my dog who is really, really good emotional help to me, and when i told her not to she told me that my dog preferred her over me anyways and honestly, i was just so ??? what ????

 

but, at the same time, i don't want to make my mother sound like a complete witch, either. she's also been incredibly nice--getting me a dog, for example, and sometimes we have nice talks. when she's feeling okay, she can be a really good mother. and honestly, none of my friends really believe what i say because, i repeat, she's very charming and very nice most of the time. i don't know why she has such bad mood swings but she just goes completely off sometimes ??

and when i tell someone this literally everyone says "don't worry she just cares a lot about you" and i know she cares because she's told me myself and she's hugged and kissed me and i shouldn't even be complaining because a lot of my friends have mothers far worse

 

but this just ?? doesn't feel right ?? i can't tell her anything because she won't believe anything serious and honestly, i don't feel safe here. emotionally and mentally. it's horrible of me but my mother is just such a huge strain on my life because she can be so, so nice, but can turn mean and nasty in an instant. for someone who deals with mood swings on my own and depression, i just can't keep up with everything she does. and frankly, it really doesn't feel right that she screams at me like this--she's never raised a hand to me before apart from one small incident involving a book, but that time i aggravated her so ?? yeah

 

honestly i don't even know what i'm saying anymore idk i'm so sorry for wasting your time i just needed to get this out

Edited December 17, 2014 by Lady_Lunevis

[Fuzzbucket]

Lady_Lunevis, I think you NEED to talk to your dad in detail - maybe he could take the custody issue up with the court ? Your mother sounds disturbed, and as if she needs help as much as you do. Or confide in a doctor, who may be able to get through to her, if she is able to hear. You can't keep going in a situation like that. Is there any kind of children's (sorry but that tends to be what they call them !) advocacy service around you ? If you are really in Strong and Free, there should be. Even Children's Aid ?

 

And vent all you like - if it helps - that has to be good.

[MedievalMystic]

Lady L, your mom sounds to me like a first class narcissist. Do the research on that disorder. She's a manipulator. Nice one minute, crazy the next. The perfect picture of motherhood in front of everyone else...narcissists have an extreme need for others, not family, to see them as wonderful, kind, generous, with halos glowing.... but they're a totally different person behind closed doors where only you can see. Sound familiar? It's like trying to tell people that there really is a monster in the corner, but only you see it. You've described classic narcissistic behavior. Giving the dog, taking the dog. All that crap is designed to keep you off balance mentally, make you feel crazy and keep her feeling superior and in control. If she fits the bill for narcissism, she's a sick puppy and you need OUT of there. There is no pleasing these types. EVER. Go against a narcissist, stand up for yourself, or even disagree with them over some piddly, small thing, and here comes jekyll and hyde and be prepared for war. Everything is war with a narcissist. And if you do stand up for yourself, all of a sudden you're 'unreasonable', 'overly sensitive', etc, etc, and they become the long suffering martyr, a role a narcissist LOVES to play. Narcissists fight to win, and they play dirty, and they don't care if they leave you a shattered, bleeding mess as long as they get what they want out of you, come hell or high water. Hugs and kisses don't make up for that kind of craziness. And it just keeps getting worse. Soon, if you don't already, you won't know whether you're coming or going. A narcissistic parent is the worst kind there is and everything, and I mean everything, is YOUR fault. Narcissists, in their own minds, are never, ever wrong and can become incredibly nasty if they're blamed for the slightest thing. They are the ultimate masters of head games. If you can, get your dad to petition for custody. You need to be elsewhere before she completely drives you over the edge. A narcissist will twist you mentally like no other. And don't let that 'nice' role she plays fool you. A role is all it is. The only person a narcissist loves and cares for are themselves. To them, you aren't even human. You will never truly get your mothers approval if she's a narcissist. It's not because you aren't worthy of it, it's because they're incapable of giving it. I am so sorry. <3

 

Oh, and this ridiculousness...?

 

she told me that my dog preferred her over me anyways

 

A very typical comment a narcissisticc personality would make. It's designed to hurt and make you feel low. And that's what all narcissists do. They worse you feel the better they feel. Sad, isn't it? But that's part of the sickness. There's nothing 'nice' about getting your kid a pet only to use it against them with threats. If your mom is a narcissist, she got you that dog so she could use it against you like a weapon...not because she's 'nice'. Let a narcissist know that something is important to you and they'll use it against you every chance they get and do their best to destroy any good you feel about it.

 

I could be wrong. Maybe your mom isn't a narcissist. She sounds like one to me. If it turns out she is, if you think so after doing some research....RUN. And don't look back.

 

Sound Familiar?

 

And this?

 

Or this?

 

If any of this sounds familiar to you, get the hell away as fast as you possibly can. Do some research on this disorder. There is no good to be had, ever, with this kind of parent. You can give and give and try and try and bleed for your mom until you're a dried up husk and nothing you do, nothing you give, no effort you make, will ever, not one minute of one day, be enough. And know that that's not about YOU, that's about HER.

 

Sorry for the babbling. I could be wrong. I really hope I am. Do the research, Lady L, and maybe have your dad help, too. If that disorder does describe your mom, she's got a mental illness that you are in no way, shape or form equipped to handle.

Edited December 17, 2014 by MedievalMystic

[Starscream]

failing talking to your father...

 

IF there is any way to record your discussions with your mother, and take them to child support programs - along with your dad. Perhaps something can be done to help the situation. I feel so bad for you and her attitude - throwing pills at you like that? does not sit well with me.

 

I will give you snuggles - all of the snugs you need.

[MedievalMystic]

I'm with Starscream, Lady L. Record that mess if you can, every chance you get, without her knowing.

[Syiren]

hi i'm back and i'm so sorry for having to dump all of this emotional stuff on you guys but i just really need to let this all out

 

so basically--i think i've talked about this before--but it's my mom. who i am. very confused about ???

 

so for the past few days i've been having really bad depression and panic attacks, so badly that i had to go back home halfway through school on monday and i stayed home on tuesday. because of this, i had to phone my therapist who suggested i book a doctor's appointment and see if i need antidepressants, because i've started having rly bad thoughts and cutting again.

 

my dad has been very supportive of the whole thing, but unfortunately he's rather estranged and can't outright take care of me since custody belongs to my mom.

 

this night, i was printing my cover page for english ( we're supposed to write a mini novella, draw pictures, and make a cover ), and she came in and started screaming at me. she was asking why i was wasting my time drawing ( while it's actually really helpful for my anxiety and depression--it's one of the things i really like doing, along with writing ). i told her i was finishing up pictures for english and she just freaked--she kept demanding why i was even working on schoolwork when apparently i didn't want to go to school anymore. at this point, i burst into tears and kept telling her i was sorry and that i'd go back to school tomorrow, but she told me she didn't care anymore and so i was really confused and asked her what she wanted.

she never really told me; she just kept screaming at me about how sick i was and how she wasn't surprised i was sick. this is the same woman who has thrown pills at me before and told me to overdose and kill myself, so naturally i was just sobbing and unable to really speak.

she kept yelling at me to stop crying and then she said something along the lines of "you always do this, never listening and just crying", and so i kept telling her i was sorry and asking her to stop yelling.

she just told her boyfriend how i always overdramatised things. at this point i just hung up on her ( we were talking using the phone because she's in bed and she can't be bothered to get up or something ).

she even threatened to take away my dog who is really, really good emotional help to me, and when i told her not to she told me that my dog preferred her over me anyways and honestly, i was just so ??? what ????

 

but, at the same time, i don't want to make my mother sound like a complete witch, either. she's also been incredibly nice--getting me a dog, for example, and sometimes we have nice talks. when she's feeling okay, she can be a really good mother. and honestly, none of my friends really believe what i say because, i repeat, she's very charming and very nice most of the time. i don't know why she has such bad mood swings but she just goes completely off sometimes ??

and when i tell someone this literally everyone says "don't worry she just cares a lot about you" and i know she cares because she's told me myself and she's hugged and kissed me and i shouldn't even be complaining because a lot of my friends have mothers far worse

 

but this just ?? doesn't feel right ?? i can't tell her anything because she won't believe anything serious and honestly, i don't feel safe here. emotionally and mentally. it's horrible of me but my mother is just such a huge strain on my life because she can be so, so nice, but can turn mean and nasty in an instant. for someone who deals with mood swings on my own and depression, i just can't keep up with everything she does. and frankly, it really doesn't feel right that she screams at me like this--she's never raised a hand to me before apart from one small incident involving a book, but that time i aggravated her so ?? yeah

 

honestly i don't even know what i'm saying anymore idk i'm so sorry for wasting your time i just needed to get this out

Lady L. You are in no way wasting time. Reaching out for help and advice is one of the best things you can do when you have no answers.

 

forgive me if I say something that's wrong or out of line, but is your mother possibly suffering from any mental issues? Bipolar, depression, or possibly even menopause? She seems to have a lot of anger issues and or there is a lot of stress she's dealing with, same with you.

 

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. *sends infinite huggles and a basket of fluffy kittens to cuddle*

 

Writing is also a way for me to deal with my depression so I fully relate to that. Perhaps you should try to explain to her (if possible) calmly the benefits your stress-relief methods have on you. Pets have been proven to reduce stress, so has listening to music, writing, drawing, painting, anything that is calm and allows your mind to focus on something like a hobby is good therapy.

 

Maybe try to set aside time you and your mother can share together and try to relate to each other in an event. Such as watching a movie together, bike riding, or even a shopping trip to the mall or other store. Do something where you and your mother can bond and create good memories and that way forge an easier way to communicate your issues without her scream her lungs out and causing you more emotional pain.

 

My mother and I used to go at it like cats and dogs. (We still do every once in a while, but it's rare now) but then we discovered a small ice cream shop downtown and it became our hang out. Every week we went there and spent an hour or two just talking and spending time with each other and we are better off because of it.

 

Having said that it's also wrong that she threatened to take away your dog. If it helps you to have him then she's only creating a bigger problem and secondly, a pet is not another toy that a parent can take away when the child doesn't want to listen. A pet is a living creature that needs love and attention and it's just as much an unfair punishment to him/her as it is to you.

 

*More hugs* Wishing you all the best.

 

[Fizzix]

Dad had neck surgery today. Last night I spent a couple hours freaking out about it. I took something and was able to fall asleep. We found out just yesterday that we owed $5000 for the surgery. Nope, we found out today that was just the costs for the surgical center, and didn't include the surgeon or the anesthesiologist. We're in trouble.

 

I have irrational responses to bad news and self esteem issues. I already deal with not feeling like I'm allowed to/deserve to eat sometimes. Now's another one of those times. The good news is I know I eat too much anyway so I'll just. not?

[MysteryX95]

Dad had neck surgery today. Last night I spent a couple hours freaking out about it. I took something and was able to fall asleep. We found out just yesterday that we owed $5000 for the surgery. Nope, we found out today that was just the costs for the surgical center, and didn't include the surgeon or the anesthesiologist. We're in trouble.

 

I have irrational responses to bad news and self esteem issues. I already deal with not feeling like I'm allowed to/deserve to eat sometimes. Now's another one of those times. The good news is I know I eat too much anyway so I'll just. not?

I hate medical bills. Still getting bothered by people occasionally for something that should have been taken care of.

 

Everyone has different ways of dealing with things. However I don't recommend not eating, it causes some bad things to happen. I know someone who used to be like that, not pretty. Eat a little less if you think you eat too much but don't stop eating entirely. You need the food to give you energy so you can deal with the troubles ahead.

 

I do hope your bills don't become too big of a problem and something can be worked out for payment.

[amillionelephants]

Dad had neck surgery today. Last night I spent a couple hours freaking out about it. I took something and was able to fall asleep. We found out just yesterday that we owed $5000 for the surgery. Nope, we found out today that was just the costs for the surgical center, and didn't include the surgeon or the anesthesiologist. We're in trouble.

 

I have irrational responses to bad news and self esteem issues. I already deal with not feeling like I'm allowed to/deserve to eat sometimes. Now's another one of those times. The good news is I know I eat too much anyway so I'll just. not?

My mom recently had ankle surgery. The bills are expensive and it's stressful yes. But we just figured out how to cope. Right now I bet it feels crazy and like everything is spiraling out of control. But soon you'll get used to it. You'll adapt and learn how to work around his recovery. Just be careful to take care of yourself even if you're worrying a lot. Remember to keep your everyday routines at least somewhat intact. Everything will settle in.

It's also good to do things that you normally enjoy. Like draw or write or even watch your favorite show. Don't let your Dad's surgery and worrying for him consume your life. Sometimes just doing things that you love is enough to help the anxiety.

[Fizzix]

To clarify, I deal with clinical depression and self-worth issues chronically anyway. This isn't anything new for me, unfortunately. .-.