Emotional Support

[Syiren]

@PrincessLucy I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. Reading that made me tear up and we may have never met in real life, but I still have a strong urge to give you the most supportive hug I can. My heart goes out to you and your family. And it's never what someone wants to hear, but take relief in the fact that she's no longer in anymore pain, nor is she suffering. 

[PrincessLucy]

@Astreya I am glad that you are at home and recovering.

 

@purplehaze Thank you.

 

@trystan Thank you.

 

@Syiren Thank you too. Funny thing you say about the hugs. I went to speak to the priest today, who I don't know as I don't church, and I also saw an old friend of my mother who both hugged me. My son and I went to a festival today to grab something to eat and get a little bit of happy in our day and a stranger wanted to know what was wrong, and I told her and she ran up to me and hugged me.

 

I have done nothing today except for find a copy of my mother's will and arrange a meeting with someone from the funeral home for tomorrow.  My son said that my mother wrote a new will (wrote some stuff out and had my son make copies), but I cannot find any of that. It wouldn't be legal anyway, but I think it was more of a division of possessions kind of thing, like I know she wants my brother to have any of the furniture pieces that my father made to keep them in the family kind of thing. I guess I will find it when I find it.

 

The estate is split 3 ways and I really don't foresee any fighting over stuff happening anyway.

 

I have a bunch of boxes with my stuff to go down to the first floor today, as I will be renting a storage locker for when we declutter the house. The will gives me 6 months in the house paid for by her estate, to give me time to fix things up and arrange to find somewhere else to live while being able to show the house.

 

I don't want to pack up my mother's things as my brother and sister may want or need something.

 

Edited to add: LOL, I have a dozen boxes that I thought were ready to go downstairs. Turns out, 6 are ready and the other 6 are mixed stuff and financials that I didn't want to sort, so I had just boxed them together. Now the 6 mixed boxes are all over my bed, while I try to finish grouping them.

Edited May 1, 2022 by PrincessLucy

[Astreya]

@purplehaze

Thank you very much - and yeah, I finally could take some deep breaths by now (quite literally as my lungs don't hurt too much any more by now).

 

@PrincessLucy

My Mom is currently decluttering her flat, too. She's going through the cellar and my Dad's wardrobes and other places where he put his stuff, and she is very astonished all the time at what she finds there. Many of the things (clothing, shoes etc) go to some welfare organisations that either directly use them or sell them to raise money for their projects as my brother can't use any of our Dad's things anyway as he just doesn't fit into them.

I hope you will manage well - but as we found, our funeral director did most of the necessary paperwork and there were mainly some signatures left for us. With some luck it should be the same for you.

Edited May 1, 2022 by Astreya

[PrincessLucy]

4 hours ago, Astreya said:

@PrincessLucy

My Mom is currently decluttering her flat, too. She's going through the cellar and my Dad's wardrobes and other places where he put his stuff, and she is very astonished all the time at what she finds there. Many of the things (clothing, shoes etc) go to some welfare organisations that either directly use them or sell them to raise money for their projects as my brother can't use any of our Dad's things anyway as he just doesn't fit into them.

I hope you will manage well - but as we found, our funeral director did most of the necessary paperwork and there were mainly some signatures left for us. With some luck it should be the same for you.

I am sorry for yours and your mother's loss. My father passed over 15 years ago, and we still have some of his stuff, as it was supposed to go to my brother who just doesn't have a place for any of it. He will need to take it soon, as I am not paying to store his stuff.

 

I found the official will, which was in my room for safekeeping with my financials. It also had a copy of her living will, and her wishes hadn't changed in all these years. I knew her wishes, but I think my sister will want to see and know that we were doing what my mother wanted. I ran out of boxes to put my stuff in, but I plan to go to the grocery store that I work at in the morning to get some more. as my brother and sister will be over to go thru my mother's things.

 

Most of the clothing will go to our town's community service program, as they will be free to anyone in need. Some things will be kept, probably by my sister, as she is more attached to possessions than I am  They also take a lot of household items there and there is a place a few miles away that helps homeless people who get an apartment furnish it, so they take some furniture and when I find a good sale on small appliances (especially coffeemakers) I pick some up to donate.

 

I set some things of mine aside for my brother and sister to look at, as I will have a garage sale once we do the big decluttering. I own hundreds of DVDs and I will never watch half of them.

 

I have lists on the refrigerator for things that need fixing by us and another one for the electrician to take care of. I only want to bring him in once.

 

I plan to speak to a realtor tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday morning. I am far from ready to sell, but I am hoping that they can give me some advice as far as when I should start looking into a mortgage for myself and what expenses I should expect to incur when I close. I have never owned a house before. I would prefer to buy, but finances may not allow for me to buy right away, as houses are super expensive now, even for a house half this size, which is what I want, so I may have to store the rest of the house or go into an apartment or hotel while I wait to buy. I have to speak to my financial guy. I may borrow against my retirement, as I can put the money back in when the house sells. I have a blind diabetic dog and a kidney failure cat, and getting an apartment with pets kind of limits things. I just don't know. I don't want to have a mortgage once everything settles, as I am retiring in less than 6 years.

 

My son will be getting a job soon, as he stopped working back in March of 2020 to care for my mother full-time. He was offered a job caring for an elderly person, but he doesn't think he wants to do that, as caring for my mother was a lot of stress on him, and he doesn't want to go thru that again, especially since he would certainly develop an emotional attachment to anyone he has to care for and the loss of his grandmother is too fresh.

 

One this that I learned from when my parents moved here back in the 70's--don't label boxes as collectibles or jewelry, etc. They had to store the house for a week when they moved up here, and mysteriously they had several collectible boxes and a TV missing.

 

We have used this funeral home before. I know I need to sign to have her embalmed and that he will provide me with death certificates. I was involved when my father passed, but everything is new for my brother and sister, as they left everything to my mother and myself to handle.

 

I still have to contact Social Security and the pension department, but I had dealt with doing that when my father passed, so it shouldn't be too hard.

 

This really is overwhelming, and I tend to obsess over details, so I have been making mental lists for years, as I knew we would eventually have to go thru this process.

[Astreya]

@PrincessLucy

Thank you!

 

I'll send you a lot of positive energies so that you will be able to manage everything as well as possible! I hope everything will go as well as it can for you and your loved ones!

 

[AsymDoll13]

Hi everyone. 

 

My little brother is going to drive me crazy. When he moved from one state to another last year, I thought he'd find a (not perfect) but decent job fairly quickly. Nope! He's working for commission selling life insurance and also doing door dash. So yeah. Sigh. Last month he didn't have his rent ready and was almost kicked out of his apartment, and I have a feeling it's going to happen again this month. My mother managed to help him last month, but this month since we'll be moving and stuff to a house (to buy! yay!), he's going to be out of luck. I wish I could help, but I have health issues and don't work. Sigh. 

 

Being a big sister is hard work, and I don't know if I recommend it (I'm mostly joking here). 

[w1sp]

Hello all *hugs for anyone who needs it*

 

Nothing serious from me, just that drawing has started to feel... boring. And it's kind of got me in a down mood. I'll get over it, I'm sure.

On 5/3/2022 at 1:54 AM, AsymDoll13 said:

Hi everyone. 

 

My little brother is going to drive me crazy. When he moved from one state to another last year, I thought he'd find a (not perfect) but decent job fairly quickly. Nope! He's working for commission selling life insurance and also doing door dash. So yeah. Sigh. Last month he didn't have his rent ready and was almost kicked out of his apartment, and I have a feeling it's going to happen again this month. My mother managed to help him last month, but this month since we'll be moving and stuff to a house (to buy! yay!), he's going to be out of luck. I wish I could help, but I have health issues and don't work. Sigh. 

 

Being a big sister is hard work, and I don't know if I recommend it (I'm mostly joking here). 

I feel for you and your brother.  Finding your place in life can be hard, but so can caring for someone who's struggling to get it together. I hope your brother manages to find a better paying job and that it all works out well in the end. Don't feel guilty for not being able to help him, it's not your fault.

[DraconicDetective]

6 hours ago, Greyphilosopher said:

Nothing serious from me, just that drawing has started to feel... boring. And it's kind of got me in a down mood. I'll get over it, I'm sure.

omigosh burnout is.. the worst. i mean.. at least, thats how burnout feels to me at least. or art block. you'll be around it! if its boring, umm.. you could try art challenges, or working outside your comfort zone? sometimes that frustrates me and makes it worse, so don't push yourself too far, but other times its really exciting to try and really enjoy something new and things start to feel fresh again.

 

On 5/2/2022 at 6:54 PM, AsymDoll13 said:

Being a big sister is hard work, and I don't know if I recommend it (I'm mostly joking here). 

i getcha .. i hope your brother is ok! its not your obligation to take care of him though, even if it can feel that way sometimes. i hope it all works out, thoughts and love.

 

 

for myself... ooouhhh i don't know what to do. im in college; a freshman, second semester, and it's finals week, but ... i don't know that i can be in school. i really love it, i love learning, i miss people and i like learning and i want to be a scientist and.. yknow. science is pretty big, it needs a lot of work, but. i feel like i cant do it, yknow? its like um.. i have anxiety and depression and probably adhd (not confirmed) alongside like, physical health issues that make my energy both physical and mental just tanked, all the time. ive taken 9 classes in 2 semesters and failed 4 of them... maybe five, depending on how my french final goes on tuesday. im just real worked up about it and behind on my work.. burnt out on school and struggling to keep any sort of momentum.

 

i have figured that i want to go from biology to.. a different science, a soft science, like sociology, but thats still a lot of work and i. i dunno. ill survive the semester and won't get kicked out of school just yet but its scary to think that i'm unable to do what i want to do and im wasting my family's time and money while i figure it out. i havent told my mom that i failed classes, but ill be with her over the summer again, and idk. idk! my family prizes and prides intelligence and etc, my mom tells me about how she had a hard time in college because she was taking a latin course and physics in the same semester, but she managed to get an A in both. .. which .. isn't at all comforting, yknow? anyway... i have papers to write, im just worked up and need to get this out there before i get to work so it doesnt like. trip me up or whatever. id love and appreciate any sort of support on the matter though.

 

i hope everyone is well (or if not, feels better soon). much love all ❤️

[AsymDoll13]

Small update that I meant to do. 

 

My brother and his girlfriend are taking a break at the moment, so he's looking for a new job! He needs to put in applications, and yeah. It's been tough on him, but he's doing some door dash and making a bit of money. He's okay though. I try to make sure that he's all good, so yeah. It's good. He's okay. I just have to worry as a sister. 

[StormBirdRising]

Hugs for anyone who needs one 💖

@Astreya  I am glad you are feeling better.

 

@PrincessLucy   My deepest condolences for your loss.

 

I hope everyone is well and feeling better. 

[PrincessLucy]

17 hours ago, StormBirdRising said:

Hugs for anyone who needs one 

 

@PrincessLucy   My deepest condolences for your loss.

 

I hope everyone is well and feeling better. 

Thank you. It has been tough. Between picking out pictures for a slide show, deciding on the menu for the post funeral reception, running to the banks, calling more people than I normally talk to in a week, seeing the lawyer and the realtor, I have been busy, but luckily I have a family who is there for me.

 

My brother-in-law put the sideshow together and he also put pictures up on display boards.

 

My brother brought 5 watercolor paintings that my mother did and the funeral home had easels for us to display them on.

 

As a surprise for my mother at Christmas,  my neice had taken some home movies of 1 of the shows that my mother wrote and put them on video. We had the video from 1 performance and the audio from a different one. The video only version was played at the funeral home.

 

I have to move. No choice as the house is only 1/3 mine, and I  can't afford to by my brother and sister out. Hopefully the realtor can help me find sometime. Until then, I declutter declutter and declutter.

[Astreya]

@StormBirdRising

Thank you!

 

@PrincessLucy

Having to do all these things fortunately gives one something to do before the loss really is felt. I hope you will manage to get your housing situation sorted ASAP. ❤️

[AsymDoll13]

Welp. Since my mother helped my brother last month by maxing out her credit card to pay his rent (siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh), we didn't get the house we wanted. Sigh. What the actual heck? I'm so annoyed. Worst part? The boy still hasn't found a job besides door dash. 

[HeatherMarie]

*sending hugs and love to everyone in this thread*

 

Mom is still not home, in rehab now. At one of the two places we did *not* want her to go to, but thanks to stupid  insurance issues it's literally the only place she could go. It's still not a great place but it has changed management and kinda-sorta gotten it's act together since the last time she was there over a decade ago. Although there have already been multiple occasions where I've had to call the front desk *multiple* times to get a nurse into mom's room because no one was answering her light/indicator thing (she was okay, just needed some help). That honestly freaks me out, knowing that it sometimes takes over a half a freaking hour for someone to respond, what if something was really wrong?? I really try not to think about that though. 

 

Tomorrow is Mother's Day so I'm going to visit her for a bit, for the first time since she went to the hospital. I've stayed away for my own sanity but I know it'd suck to not see each other on Mother's Day... I'm a little nervous. I've been doing alright, crying at least once a day but definitely more mentally stable than last year when she was in hospital/rehab. I just know from experience how little it takes to push over the edge, I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow and I'm only planning to stay for an hour and she's not hooked up to anything or anything like that... But I'm still nervous about going. I'm hoping that taking an anxiety pill beforehand will be enough. I'm also hoping that the cab I already set up for will actually be relatively on time (I can deal with a slight delay of course but anything past 15-20 minutes I'm freaking out thinking they forgot about me....). 

[trystan]

{{hugs @HeatherMarie}}

[StormBirdRising]

On 5/5/2022 at 6:27 PM, PrincessLucy said:

Thank you. It has been tough. Between picking out pictures for a slide show, deciding on the menu for the post funeral reception, running to the banks, calling more people than I normally talk to in a week, seeing the lawyer and the realtor, I have been busy, but luckily I have a family who is there for me.

 

My brother-in-law put the sideshow together and he also put pictures up on display boards.

 

My brother brought 5 watercolor paintings that my mother did and the funeral home had easels for us to display them on.

 

As a surprise for my mother at Christmas,  my neice had taken some home movies of 1 of the shows that my mother wrote and put them on video. We had the video from 1 performance and the audio from a different one. The video only version was played at the funeral home.

 

I have to move. No choice as the house is only 1/3 mine, and I  can't afford to by my brother and sister out. Hopefully the realtor can help me find sometime. Until then, I declutter declutter and declutter.

That is such a beautiful tribute to your mother. 💖 I hope you find a nice house where you will be very happy.

[HeatherMarie]

So, mom is coming home from rehab tomorrow. And I'm both excited to have her back home and absolutely panicking. I've actually stopped crying every day while she's gone, but today I've had two hysterical crying episodes. It's just... Completely overwhelming.  And I'm not talking about the list of things I need to do before she gets home (take trash out, clean up dog's room, etc). 

 

I'm scared. I know she's made so much progress while at rehab, she can get in and out of bed and walk to the bathroom (with her walker).... But I'm so scared. It was downright terrifying to see mom like she was before she went to the hospital, unable to get out of bed or even turn over. It feels like every single time something happens that lands her in the hospital it's worse than the time before. I can't... I love her so so so much and miss her like crazy and want her to be home, but taking care of her is so very stressful. I've still been worrying about her, about how she's doing and her progress and such, every day that she's been away... But having this distance and her being somewhere with professionals, it's so much different than the type of worrying I constantly do when she's home. Every single time she gets up to walk even a few steps, checking on her constantly because she has a habit of trying to do things on her own instead of asking me, wanting to be close to her but feeling so stressed at the same time... It's so hard.  

 

We both know that any sort of long-term 'nursing home' or whatever is out of the question, on both sides... She's terrified to be in a place like that for long and I definitely can't handle being away from her long-term and living alone.  But this is all so overwhelming and stressful and I almost just don't want her to come home but then I feel absolutely awful for even thinking that and.... Sigh.

[AsymDoll13]

Will you have anyone to help? Like a nurse that comes out to check up on your mother? Or are you all alone in this? 

[AsymDoll13]

Holy moly. What a freaking day. 

 

My brother's ex girlfriend/they're on a break, well, she tried to take too many pills. And he saved her, and now he's upset and I'm... Oh my god guys. I'm so lost. I dunno what to even do. I'm scared for her and him and just... Ah... 

[PrincessLucy]

I've seen three condos this week.

 

The first one we saw was the one we were supposed to see seven times before but the tenant wouldn't let us in. 2 bedroom. They put in a new floor over over the old floor and didn't put back the molding. Now the molding around the sliding door won't fit because they put floor over floor. The woman has four cats there an overflowing litter box with all kinds of messes on the floor. It was supposed to have new cabinets and there's some damage on the ceiling. All for the bargain price of $120,000.

 

Condo #2 was a 3 bedroom with electrical outlets out of the wall and extension cords to get power to the kitchen. Washer in closet on one side of the room and dryer in closet on other side of the room. Looks like place was painted every year by a toddler.  Damage in bathroom ceiling, full nasty vent in bathroom and only the downstairs was vacuumed. They left the vacuum. Why not finish the job? $135,000.

 

Condo #3 was "move in ready". 2 bedroom. No lights working in the garage, wires hanging from garage door opener, no railing to get up the stairs, part of the wall in boiler room not nailed back in, and an active leak onto the kitchen floor. Bathroom was dry, so it looks like the leak is in the ceiling. Hopefully one of the 2 realtors (mine or the one showing it right before us) reported it to the late owner's family. $140,000.

[StormBirdRising]

@PrincessLucy  I hope you find something beautiful very soon,  at a great price, and that you are very happy living there.  

[PrincessLucy]

So frustrating.

 

Was supposed to look at a house and 2 condos yesterday.

 

The house was too small and the floor was rolling. It was built in 1900 so I guess that is to be expected. My brother showed me what they do for that, as the polls were in the basement.  My son loved it though. "Possible third bedroom upstairs" really means the pull down staircase is in the second bedroom, so he would sleep in the 3rd bedroom and use the second one for his desk and games. Meanwhile, my bedroom would have no closet.  Realtor didn't feel that the place would be a good deal, as far as resale value.

 

We saw a condo which didn't have enough room for my son's bed, 2 dressers and desk, but had a nice walk-in closet in the hall, but no other real storage. There was a definite tilt to what would be my bedroom, Neighbors were nice. Yes, I purposely walk around trying to meet people who live nearby. 

 

The realtor beat us to the other condo, so she had time to speak to one of the tenants there. I guess one of the other tenants is a drug addict who tried to set the complex on fire. Old furniture all over the grass near the dumpster. We never went into the building.

 

Meanwhile, of the 3 condos we saw recently, the one that had the woman still in it with the unfinished floor/moldings, etc sold, as did the one with the active leak in the kitchen from the ceiling pipe.

[AsymDoll13]

Finding decent places for a good price is so hard. I understand your pain. I'm still living with my best friend while my parents live in this tiny trailer with their dog. I'm in their living room right now and it is tiny. 

[PrincessLucy]

1 hour ago, AsymDoll13 said:

Finding decent places for a good price is so hard. I understand your pain. I'm still living with my best friend while my parents live in this tiny trailer with their dog. I'm in their living room right now and it is tiny. 

 

Yeah, sorry you are going thru that.

 

The house we saw yesterday accepted an offer from someone, so did the one with the structural damage that we wanted to see a couple of weeks ago. It would be interesting to see whether they are going to rehab it or tear it down and build a new one.

 

I am going to contact my agent in the morning about a 2 bedroom lake view house with a fenced backyard, but I am willing to bet that it will already be gone as it has been on the market for 3 days.

 

[Essfia]

I dunno should I write it here or no...

Yesterday I lost my friend, forever. She was in a car near the driver (her father) when they're were attacked. Her father is alive, but in a hospital. Poor her two young children. Her husband on the war now, and she...

Sorry. It's very hard for me. I just need to write it somewhere