Emotional Support

[AsymDoll13]

@Emerald01

 

I'm glad you have so many cool coping mechanisms. That's always a good thing to see! ^^

[Emerald01]

On 12/20/2021 at 4:47 PM, AsymDoll13 said:

@Emerald01

 

I'm glad you have so many cool coping mechanisms. That's always a good thing to see! ^^

Thanks.  They don't always work. Like when a lady cut directly in front of me in the local CVS, and nobody else had anything to say about it, I kind of lost my mind and started screaming at her. But then I bought my things and left. So.... *shrug* This was why I needed my service dog in the first place. I don't cope well with people who are just jerks, and now that I live where I live, there are a lot more of them to cope with. blech

[AsymDoll13]

29 minutes ago, Emerald01 said:

Thanks.  They don't always work. Like when a lady cut directly in front of me in the local CVS, and nobody else had anything to say about it, I kind of lost my mind and started screaming at her. But then I bought my things and left. So.... *shrug* This was why I needed my service dog in the first place. I don't cope well with people who are just jerks, and now that I live where I live, there are a lot more of them to cope with. blech

 

Ouch... I hope you feel better now. 

[Emerald01]

Well, I'm still not living in Maryland, but I do feel better. LOL

[Dinosaurbean]

hello im dino! ive been kinda struggling a little. when i was younger i was in a toxic friendship, which stressed me out a lot causing me to have mild sound and visual halluciations, i stopped eating wanting to starve myself, i did ask for therapy, and my mom declined, but after a year she asked if i wanted therapy, and i panicked and said no. 

 

after a year ive finally started thinking about therapy again since ive lost motivation to do basically anything, and all i do is sleep and be sad. honestly idk if i need therapy, i mean im 13, and they say that pheromones can make you sad, and i mean i have both parents, and a stable family, so i have no reason to be sad, i just dont know 

[AsymDoll13]

36 minutes ago, Dinosaurbean said:

hello im dino! ive been kinda struggling a little. when i was younger i was in a toxic friendship, which stressed me out a lot causing me to have mild sound and visual halluciations, i stopped eating wanting to starve myself, i did ask for therapy, and my mom declined, but after a year she asked if i wanted therapy, and i panicked and said no. 

 

after a year ive finally started thinking about therapy again since ive lost motivation to do basically anything, and all i do is sleep and be sad. honestly idk if i need therapy, i mean im 13, and they say that pheromones can make you sad, and i mean i have both parents, and a stable family, so i have no reason to be sad, i just dont know 

 

I think if I'd been offered therapy at 13, I'd be happier than I am now. Diagnosed with depression and anxiety. But it's a very personal thing to each person, so if you think you'd like therapy or that it would help, go for it. Doesn't hurt to try, right?

[HeatherMarie]

2 hours ago, Dinosaurbean said:

hello im dino! ive been kinda struggling a little. when i was younger i was in a toxic friendship, which stressed me out a lot causing me to have mild sound and visual halluciations, i stopped eating wanting to starve myself, i did ask for therapy, and my mom declined, but after a year she asked if i wanted therapy, and i panicked and said no. 

 

after a year ive finally started thinking about therapy again since ive lost motivation to do basically anything, and all i do is sleep and be sad. honestly idk if i need therapy, i mean im 13, and they say that pheromones can make you sad, and i mean i have both parents, and a stable family, so i have no reason to be sad, i just dont know 

 

Sending good vibes to you! If you have the option of therapy, please take it. Getting therapeutic help at an earlier age really can be so so helpful (from personal experience, I started around 13 too). And please don't fall into the trap of thinking that you have a 'good life' so you 'shouldn't be sad' or whatever, that kind of thinking can become very harmful long-term. What you do and don't have in your life doesn't always line up with how your brain works and how your emotions go, and that's true for many people. 

[Dinosaurbean]

14 hours ago, HeatherMarie said:

 

Sending good vibes to you! If you have the option of therapy, please take it. Getting therapeutic help at an earlier age really can be so so helpful (from personal experience, I started around 13 too). And please don't fall into the trap of thinking that you have a 'good life' so you 'shouldn't be sad' or whatever, that kind of thinking can become very harmful long-term. What you do and don't have in your life doesn't always line up with how your brain works and how your emotions go, and that's true for many people. 

thanks for the good vibes!!! ill try ask my mom for therapy when i get enough courage to do so

 

also thanks for spending your time to respond ❤️

[Dinosaurbean]

So I did it, I asked for counseling, and I talked with my mom a little and she said I’ll be fine and that it’s most likely pheromones and Change, so yea idk what to do know, because people always just told me to get counseling 

[Emerald01]

On 1/11/2022 at 10:56 PM, Dinosaurbean said:

So I did it, I asked for counseling, and I talked with my mom a little and she said I’ll be fine and that it’s most likely pheromones and Change, so yea idk what to do know, because people always just told me to get counseling 

What works for me is to write things down, so that I have time to say exactly what I want to say. Then I give the message to my mom to read when she is by herself and doesn't come back with a kneejerk response.  Hormones don't make you excessively sad all the time. They tend to cause erratic behavior instead.  But You know yourself better than anyone.  Try asking your mom if you can at least get an evaluation with a counselor. Therapists are extremely busy these days, so you're unlikely to get a false positive, as it were.  You may want to choose one who is partnered with a Psychiatrist in case you may need medication help.  I waited too long in life to do all this, and my life could have been so much better if I'd been diagnosed when I was young.  Don't give up!  You have people in your corner here!  Sometimes, you have to fight for yourself because you deserve to feel better.  You DESERVE to feel better!  There are a surprising number of helpful videos and blogs. Even hotlines you can call. This is a good time for you to learn how to take care of yourself and let the people who love you know how to help you.  Just remember that moms can make mistakes, especially if they never had to deal with these kinds of mental health issues themselves.  You just have to find a way that works. But if you can keep it low pressure, such as a message, she can have time to think it over.  If you want someone to help you write the message, you can PM me, or ask one of your friends if you're comfortable with that.  I hope you feel better soon!

[HeatherMarie]

On 1/11/2022 at 8:56 PM, Dinosaurbean said:

So I did it, I asked for counseling, and I talked with my mom a little and she said I’ll be fine and that it’s most likely pheromones and Change, so yea idk what to do know, because people always just told me to get counseling 

 

Seconding @Emerald01's advice. Especially the idea of writing down what you want your mom to know, maybe even keeping a 'log' for a week or two and just jotting down feelings and thoughts, something like that might help your mom to see that it's not just normal growing up. And if it *is* just normal changes/etc, hearing that from a therapist will at least confirm it instead of just assuming it is and not doing anything about it. 

I think a lot of parents have that knee-jerk reaction of 'you'll be fine, this is normal' more because they *want* that to be true, they don't want to believe that anything could actually be wrong. And hey, maybe it'll turn out to be nothing serious, but it's better to know that for sure. Also agree with what Emerald said about hormones not usually causing this consistently... When I was 13-14 I saw my friends go through some hard times, things changed, they changed, people go through stuff at that age. But there *is* a difference between all of that normal stuff and actually having something like depression or some other issue, it can sometimes look the same to others but it's really not. 

 

Okay, so why I came into this thread just now... I'm a bit nervous. I just had my last therapy appt with my therapist. We had already talked about slowly tapering off because I've been doing better for awhile now, we went from once a week to once every two weeks and then the past few months have been once every three weeks. I am doing better, I'm definitely more stable in general, but it's always hard to actually stop therapy and just not have that 'safety net' as it were. I can request therapy again in the future if I need it of course, and I still have my case manager to talk to and help me, it's just always a little hard to get used to not having these set appointments.

[Emerald01]

2 hours ago, HeatherMarie said:

Okay, so why I came into this thread just now... I'm a bit nervous. I just had my last therapy appt with my therapist. We had already talked about slowly tapering off because I've been doing better for awhile now, we went from once a week to once every two weeks and then the past few months have been once every three weeks. I am doing better, I'm definitely more stable in general, but it's always hard to actually stop therapy and just not have that 'safety net' as it were. I can request therapy again in the future if I need it of course, and I still have my case manager to talk to and help me, it's just always a little hard to get used to not having these set appointments.

I know how you feel. My therapist retired in September and didn't do anything to help me find a replacement.  And it's been very stressful times.  My psychiatrist is retiring, and he never got around to actually diagnosing me.  (That is a really long story having to do with moving between states in 2019.)  It does look like I'll have someone in place to take over, but I'm going to make sure he treats me like a brand new patient because I'm definitely not getting all the medications I need, and I hadn't been getting the right kind of therapy anyway.  I'm glad this thread is here, because it's kind of become my only outlet.  I can't bring myself back into my previous community because when my service dog died in August, there wasn't anything anyone could do, and it wasn't their fault, but it takes a lot of time to make adjustments for me.  When I think of him, I still feel like my heart is being squeezed in someone's fist.

 

In other words, I understand, and I'm here for any of you who want to talk.

[Dinosaurbean]

@emerald01 that you so much for the suggestion! I have tried texting her but she usually wants to talk to be in person, I will try to talk to her about that. Also she did ask if I wanted to talk to like the local pastor, which I mean yea it’s free to talk to him, but I don’t really like him, and I basically have no want to tell him how I feel ( ´-` )

 

thank you both for your kind and reassuring words (´∀｀*)

 

also I hope that both of you can find someone who will be able to be there for you while you search for the medical professionals you need ♥️ 

 

[Aniia]

20 hours ago, HeatherMarie said:

Okay, so why I came into this thread just now... I'm a bit nervous. I just had my last therapy appt with my therapist. We had already talked about slowly tapering off because I've been doing better for awhile now, we went from once a week to once every two weeks and then the past few months have been once every three weeks. I am doing better, I'm definitely more stable in general, but it's always hard to actually stop therapy and just not have that 'safety net' as it were. I can request therapy again in the future if I need it of course, and I still have my case manager to talk to and help me, it's just always a little hard to get used to not having these set appointments.

 

Wild idea here... is there a way you can set up email contact with your therapist? Not for like regular reports or anything, but just something like if you wake up with a question or something... that way you're not feeling completely on your own? Also, congratulations on your progress :)

[blah]

On 1/14/2022 at 10:01 AM, Dinosaurbean said:

@emerald01 that you so much for the suggestion! I have tried texting her but she usually wants to talk to be in person, I will try to talk to her about that. Also she did ask if I wanted to talk to like the local pastor, which I mean yea it’s free to talk to him, but I don’t really like him, and I basically have no want to tell him how I feel ( ´-` )

 

thank you both for your kind and reassuring words (´∀｀*)

 

also I hope that both of you can find someone who will be able to be there for you while you search for the medical professionals you need ♥️ 

 

Your mum sounds like she cares but maybe has fallen into the trap of not realizing that your feelings are just as real as the feelings of an adult. That happens to a lot of adults, me included, and sometimes we need a reminder. I get those frequently because I'm a teacher but maybe your mum doesn't. It probably feels very dismissive to you and you're allowed to feel that. Just because someone loves you, that doesn't mean they always get it right and you don't have to pretend they do. 

 

I would try writing her an actual letter, pen and paper, handwritten. It feels a lot more personal than a text message so she might not object to it as much. You could even try having a diary that you and your mum pass back and forth to keep communication open over a longer period of time. 

 

If you do not want to talk to the pastor then don't. Trust is important and there is no use in forcing yourself. What kind of person is he though? Do you think he'd be likely to talk to your mum and help her see that you might benefit from actual counseling? Because if she trusts him that might be worth a shot.

[Emerald01]

@Dinosaurbean

Finding someone you are comfortable with is very important. But sometimes you have to go through someone you might not be comfortable with. I've done that.  Maybe start with a psychiatrist instead. That way, if you have an undiagnosed condition, they can write prescriptions, but also point you to the right kind of therapist.  Therapists tend to specialize in different things, so you might need someone who knows all about your thing.  Some specialize in working with adolescents. Or certain kinds of therapy.  A psychiatrist is pretty good place to start.  I find that PsychologyToday.com can help with the search.

[IzzyCat91]

I do not have the spoons to respond to all the posts before this but I love you all, I see you, and if you really need to please feel free to message me and I will respond as soon as I am able *hugs*

 

Hi, my name is Izzy, and this is my first time posting here. Let me preface this with I am 30 years old, I have depression, S.A.D, and anxiety. I DO go to therapy, but I am in between sessions at the moment and while my partner has been very supportive, he does not really know what to say or do to help and honestly, I don't NEED help right now, I just need to get it all off my chest.

So, the issue is my best friend (We'll call her N) and I have been best friends for YEARS and were so close we were basically dating in all but name. In the last few years, we made a new friend (we'll call her A)

 N started being weird when I started dating my current partner (B) 3 years ago, and now with the pandemic and A in the picture, I feel like N has abandoned me. I live LITERALLY 5 minutes from N's house....I see her like once a month because "She's busy and tired and has work and yada yada yada". A lives TWO HOURS AWAY and gets to see her more than I do. I don't even get invited to hang with them anymore. N doesn't even respond to my messages as often anymore, especially when A is around. All the things we use to do together, she now does with A. (yes, I have spoken with her about this multiple times, obviously she doesn't seem to get it or just deosn't care, not sure which)

Most of my other friends from the group don't really reach out to me and when I reach out to THEM, I never know what to expect or if they'll respond. (talked to them about it this too, same result)

My family has all but disowned me besides my mother, sibling, one cousin and his girlfriend. And even they don't really talk to me much anymore unless they need me. I'm the black sheep of my family, so I kind of always expected it to happen sooner or later, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

 

While I know it isn't true, I am starting to feel like a "throw away person", someone people keep around until they have no use/need of them and then is discarded, and quite frankly, my heart hurts because of it. I'm lonely and isolated and feel like everyone I love is slowly leaving me (besides B, he has been AMAZING with me and my mental issues for the past 3 years and I couldn't ask for a better partner)

 

Work has been alright, but I have been passed over for a promotion 3 times now and it's not looking good for this round either, which makes me feel underappreciated, because I bust my backside to be the best employee I can be, learn as much as I can, and be helpful and I can't seem to get anywhere. I literally carry around index cards to take notes so that I can learn all about the machines and how to do the various positions required to run the production lines. I have been there over a year. I LOVE my job and most of my crew, heck even my boss isn't terrible for once in my life, but he has such high standards that I don't think I'll ever get anywhere at this point, but I don't want to leave.

 

I'm just....Sad/Mad and I don't really know what to do right now.

 

Thank you all for taking time to "listen". I wish you all the best in return.

Many Hugs and Lots of Love,

~Izzy.

Edited January 16, 2022 by IzzyCat91
added some clarifications

[jewel21]

On 11/9/2021 at 3:38 PM, HeatherMarie said:

Sending lots of hugs and vibes to @jewel21! That sounds so frustrating and upsetting. Since you were at the new job for such a small amount of time, it doesn't seem like they gave you much of a chance to actually get better at things and work on developing your productivity and such. Now I obviously have no clue about the atmosphere or behind-the-scenes there, but I too have similar issues you've mentioned regarding working under stress and such and the job I had was so good about letting me know (gently) when something needed changing and giving me ample time to get used to the changes and fix things. I'm sure not every job can afford to be like that, but it does seem that your job was just... Too eager to let you go. In which case, as frustrating as it may be, you may be better off somewhere else. 

 

Thank you for the support. I hope things are going better with your mom. 

 

I found another job and it was chaos from day 1. I wasn't trained well, was left alone to fend for myself multiple times, was put in charge of not only receptionist stuff for a busy clinic, but I was put in charge of all the work accident and car accident patients, plus I was the personal secretary for a surgeon who came into the clinic once a week. 

 

I hated it from the beginning and my anxiety was coming back as well as my migraines with auras. 

 

On Friday they called me into the office to say I wasn't quite the right fit for the company and they didn't think I was up for meeting the demands of the company. 

 

All in all, another job lost after only 2 months. That's gotta be a record. That's two jobs in 4 months. I don't know what to do anymore. I tried so hard, it was finally starting to feel like it was meshing (except for the work accident stuff  because that was all in French and I struggled) and now this. 

 

I'm just at a loss. 

[HeatherMarie]

@IzzyCat91  Sending lots of love and hugs! 

As hard as it can be, it sounds like it may be time to consider that the friends you used to have aren't really your friends anymore. I completely understand missing them, wishing they would reach out more, wanting to hang out more, and wanting to hold onto that. But there is a point where old friends just can't be considered real friends anymore and maybe you are better off moving forward to find new friends instead of trying to get back what you used to have with these old friends. (I had to face that sort of thing in the past, two girls I was super-close with for 10+ years started drifting away and after about a year it was clear they were deliberately dodging my calls and just didn't want to be around me anymore, it hurt like heck but it was also kind of a relief to really realize it and move on instead of worrying over them so much.)  I'm so glad you at least have your partner in your corner. 

 

Lots of hugs and love to everyone in this thread!

[Aniia]

20 years ago I was sexually assaulted. My way of dealing with it was to bury all the feelings, toughen up, move on, and most importantly tell no one.

I refused to see myself as the victim, and convinced myself that I made a mistake.

Surely, nothing was done to me. Rather there was something I did or didn't do that bore consequences.

 

Fast forward to today and I've been doing some deep introspection during the pandemic years, with all my extra time. Yesterday something triggered all the memories, none of which I've ever dealt with, and now I'm as mixed up as if it only happened weeks ago. I want to finally, properly, deal with it now, but I don't really know how.

 

I don't think that here is the appropriate place to share my story, but does anyone know of a safe place that is?

[jewel21]

I'm sorry that happened to you, Anlla. Therapy has helped me in the past when I was going through some family stuff. Would that be something you would consider? There might also be message boards for survivors of sexual assault out there as well. 

[HeatherMarie]

I just spent a half-hour outside in 100-degree heat frantically trying to pull my mom up after she fell in the parking lot (as well as frantically running around trying to find *someone* to ask to help!). By the end I literally felt like I was about to faint or throw up from the combination of overheating and panic. This is basically my worst nightmare, my mom falling and not being able to get up and I'm *not* physically able to pull her back up and there was no one around at all, we live in an apartment building and usually there are people in and out constantly but there was no one. 

 

I eventually found a woman by the office (the office which was closed) who looked to be wearing nurse's scrubs or somesuch and she was able to help get mom to her feet and helped her into our apartment and to her bed... If she hadn't been there I would've had to end up calling 911 like I did last time she fell in the bathroom. This whole situation is absolutely horrifying and I'm shaking and her knees just aren't getting better and I love her so much and want to do anything and everything possible to help her but sometimes it really feels like I don't know how much longer this can go on the way it is. 

[AsymDoll13]

@HeatherMarie I am so sorry that this happened to you. My grandmother was the same way, since she had bad arthritis in both her legs from breaking them as a teenager. She was a fiercely independent woman, and she was all hell or high water. I'm not sure if your mother is like that, but I'm glad that she's okay now, and that you're able to rest a bit. Could she get a nurse or something to help her and you? I'm not sure the full extent, but it's something to think about maybe. Mostly, I'm just happy that someone helped. 

[HeatherMarie]

Aaaand now my mom is in the hospital. 😭  She hasn't been able to get out of bed since that fall, she kept saying she was feeling a little better and didn't want to do anything drastic (like hospital) but she couldn't even sit up without crying in pain and she hasn't even attempted to stand, and this morning she couldn't get herself to roll over... I helped her as much as possible but I'm not strong enough to lift her or anything like that. Yesterday I mentioned she might need to get checked at the hospital but she kind of waved it off, but this morning I ended up calling 911 to help her roll over and then take her to the hospital. It just happened not too long ago, I haven't heard anything since the paramedics took her and I know I need to be patient and wait until she's settled in and been looked over but I'm just so flipping scared right now. I prayed for the first time in forever, if God is out there and listening I just hope He can help her.... I feel so very helpless right now. 

[trystan]

{{hugs @HeatherMarie}}