Jump to content
Descripforce

Description Force!

Recommended Posts

8 hours ago, Lagie said:

This one:

every odd tree and root thet grew there: this 

 

... should be that, not thet.

Oh yep, didn't see

Share this post


Link to post
Quote

White Is the Winter Night, or "WItWN", studied potions and medicine as a youth and is now a purveyor of digestive aids and related novelty items. Her first cave is her home, while she runs her business from cave number 2. Around the late fall and early winter holidays, she gets more customers seeking laxatives, due to increased treat intake and feasting. Her shop is lit warmly, with friendly signs all around, and she and her helper speak gently and cheerfully. While the little kids are very honest about poop, the adults tend to be more uptight, with some even believing the slightest mention of poo is unforgivably inappropriate. WItWN doesn't want clients to feel bad about coming in and asking questions, and she continues to devise ways to make certain adults more comfortable discussing their bodily functions, because their health depends on it. Humor and honesty usually help. The first sign guests see when entering WitWN's cave has the optimistic message, "This two shall pass."

 

Reject (Grammar/Spelling Errors): Who let you have a comma sprinkler? Put it back. Multiple unnecessary commas and a run-on sentence near the end.

 

How very informative. I helped myself to it,,,,,,,, thanks.

Share this post


Link to post
3 hours ago, Dirtytabs said:

 

How very informative. I helped myself to it,,,,,,,, thanks.

XD I disagree with them,,,,, on both counts! ;)

Share this post


Link to post

I have always felt like commas are like garlic, in that I always want more of them than the Rules call for. c;

 

AND: To the Commenter Who Wrote This Comment on This Description:

Spoiler

Fisherfast hasn't always lived in abundance just because her Weyr controls most of the continent's resources. Her Clan, the Aranoa, are often at the whims of disasters that make survival hard. In fact, Fisherfast herself is named for the season of disease and famine when she was laid; she's still scrawny for her size. Knowing hunger made her sharper, even as it thinned her happiness.

 

When she met her mate, he brought more joy to her shriveled, hungry heart than she knew was possible. He was a Sapo, of a Clan she didn't know, and she wasn't sure where he went when he wasn't with her. But when she laid an egg that seemed unlike any Aranoa she'd ever seen, she knew where her precious eggs would have to go to be safe. The Weyr of Flame is cruel to dragons perceived as strange, and being one of their own is no protection.

 

She yearns for her hatchlings, sent to live with her mate in secret, and though she misses them terribly, she must be content to know they are happy, and well-fed, there.

 

Accept: Poor Fisherfast... I hope she has a good day today!

Please know you have my sword in battle and I would die for u

Share this post


Link to post
Spoiler

This is a story
the neglected tale
where Eve was the star;
sit down now, let's hear
this story's fate!

When she hatched
she would always bite the other's tail
and later pretend
"Oh no, it wasn't Eve!"
and then she would bite 'em again.
Oh, how she loved their cry!

When she was two
she would trick
the vampire juveniles -
a game in the woods
yes, time for her fun!
They would be forever lost
quite a reasonable cost.
Oh, how she loved their fear!

When she was six
she made the most evil deed.
Her only friend, Sin, was quite dull,
the laughter in her skull
urged her to bury Sin alive,
her friend didin't survive.
Oh, she forgot, Sin is a zombie alright!

Eve's not a bad gal, even though she does bad things,
very bad things, such horrible things ...
But it's not quite what it seems!


Aw, hell, she's exactly what she seems ...

Ok I write odd descriptions, I find it more intriguing and inspiring. Especially being inspired by songs, as in this case. I sort of liked how this one turned out ... But is it too inappropriate?

Share this post


Link to post
5 hours ago, Caius said:
  Hide contents

This is a story
the neglected tale
where Eve was the star;
sit down now, let's hear
this story's fate!

When she hatched
she would always bite the other's tail
and later pretend
"Oh no, it wasn't Eve!"
and then she would bite 'em again.
Oh, how she loved their cry!

When she was two
she would trick
the vampire juveniles -
a game in the woods
yes, time for her fun!
They would be forever lost
quite a reasonable cost.
Oh, how she loved their fear!

When she was six
she made the most evil deed.
Her only friend, Sin, was quite dull,
the laughter in her skull
urged her to bury Sin alive,
her friend didin't survive.
Oh, she forgot, Sin is a zombie alright!

Eve's not a bad gal, even though she does bad things,
very bad things, such horrible things ...
But it's not quite what it seems!


Aw, hell, she's exactly what she seems ...

Ok I write odd descriptions, I find it more intriguing and inspiring. Especially being inspired by songs, as in this case. I sort of liked how this one turned out ... But is it too inappropriate?

It's fine! But didn't is misspelled. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
4 hours ago, Lagie said:

It's fine! But didn't is misspelled. ;)

Wopsi, I'm too quick sometimes over the keyboard (and perhaps a tad too blind and not reading every letter when I'm reading things), lol. XD
But thanks a lot! ^_^

Share this post


Link to post


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.