Description Force!

[Lagie]

1 hour ago, Dirtytabs said:

Several comments saying the first sentence is a run-on sentence. FALSE

It just looks like a long sentence to me. It's grammatically correct the whole way through.

Love the OOL!

 

And yes, reviewing on a phone. I prefer a computer but I'll take what I can get.

Edited April 23, 2023 by Lagie
Afterthought

[Dirtytabs]

I still wanted to argue about semantics, but I did resubmit with one more period and fewer commas

Edited April 24, 2023 by Dirtytabs

[Feathers]

On 4/24/2023 at 12:45 AM, Dirtytabs said:

I still wanted to argue about semantics, but I did resubmit with one more period and fewer commas

I'm with you, sometimes sentences are just Long for the rhythm, but that doesn't mean they're necessarily run on! Good for you for being the bigger editor and making some changes, haha.

 

Kaini, thank you so much for approving some descriptions!! I will hop in and review some tonight and try to do at least a dozen or so a day. You've already made so much progress, that's fantastic!

[RainDear]

The description for RainDear's Zig Zag Heart was mod rejected around July 8, 2021 for being 1st person, but it wasn't actually 1st person. I rewrote it at that time to make the story more clear, but it still hasn't had mod approval or disapproval. Is it possible for someone to look at it and let me know why it can't be approved?

[Lagie]

8 hours ago, RainDear said:

 Is it possible for someone to look at it and let me know why it can't be approved?

Sure. Post it here and we can comment.

[RainDear]

Here tis:

 

Zig Zag Heart loves to fall in love. He does so so often that those who know him recognize the pattern:
Week 1: Zig Zag always says "I met a wonderful girl. She is just what I'm looking for."
Week 2: Zig Zag always says "I have never been happier. Never known anyone who makes me feel like this".
Week 3: Zig Zag always says "She is so controlling. I don't think this is going to work out."
Week 4: Zig Zag always says "Tell her I'm not home."
Week 1:..It starts again..

[Lagie]

Well, you've already fixed the one correction I had for you, so I think it looks fine.

[RainDear]

But it's been waiting for almost 2 years for a mod to accept/reject it, and I'm getting awfully discouraged. It was a long time before it was rejected the first time, and I am waiting for this one to be accepted before I write more. This process is disheartening to deal with.

[Lagie]

It is. Some of mine were three years before they were officially modded.

[Stormphoenix42]

At least with the "pending user description" thing a lot of the descriptions in progress are still visible to other users - it's nice to be able to share descriptions even if they haven't been officially approved yet  

[Lagie]

1 minute ago, Stormphoenix42 said:

At least with the "pending user description" thing a lot of the descriptions in progress are still visible to other users - it's nice to be able to share descriptions even if they haven't been officially approved yet  

Very true! That is a nice feature.

[Kaini]

On 5/1/2023 at 10:05 PM, RainDear said:

The description for RainDear's Zig Zag Heart was mod rejected around July 8, 2021 for being 1st person, but it wasn't actually 1st person. I rewrote it at that time to make the story more clear, but it still hasn't had mod approval or disapproval. Is it possible for someone to look at it and let me know why it can't be approved?

You're always welcome to DM me directly to look at specific descriptions. I'll gladly take a look, you need only ask.
 

Quote

But it's been waiting for almost 2 years for a mod to accept/reject it, and I'm getting awfully discouraged. It was a long time before it was rejected the first time, and I am waiting for this one to be accepted before I write more. This process is disheartening to deal with.

Message me.

Try being the mod that has 4,938 un-moderated descriptions! Over the years I have personally moderated over 12,000. I'm trying.

And as mentioned, descriptions are visible once they have enough user upvotes as long as the person opts to see in-progress descriptions. There is no difference in how they display.

[Chaos Rider]

Spoiler

Flower SCHoP has cultivated a greater variety of flowers and creepers than most Vine dragons and prefers to live under a building instead of in a clearing. There, he lays out his flowers on tables, his vines on trellises and places price tags next to everything. Many a gardener has wandered into his shop and while distracted looking at the pretty flowers they fail to notice the vines being wrapped around them until it is too late and they are dragged underground as food for a hungry Vine dragon.

Accept: Looks fine.

Accept: Clever use of the code!

Accept

 

Thanks, although now that I look at again the last sentence might be a bit of a run-on sentence. Not sure how to reword/break it up though. And the sentence before it about the vines, flowers and price tags being laid out. Is it just me or does it flow kind of awkwardly? Again, not sure how I should go about rewording it

Edited May 5, 2023 by Chaos Rider

[missy_]

4 hours ago, Chaos Rider said:

  Hide contents

Flower SCHoP has cultivated a greater variety of flowers and creepers than most Vine dragons and prefers to live under a building instead of in a clearing. There, he lays out his flowers on tables, his vines on trellises and places price tags next to everything. Many a gardener has wandered into his shop and while distracted looking at the pretty flowers they fail to notice the vines being wrapped around them until it is too late and they are dragged underground as food for a hungry Vine dragon.

Accept: Looks fine.

Accept: Clever use of the code!

Accept

 

Thanks, although now that I look at again the last sentence might be a bit of a run-on sentence. Not sure how to reword/break it up though. And the sentence before it about the vines, flowers and price tags being laid out. Is it just me or does it flow kind of awkwardly? Again, not sure how I should go about rewording it

I'll give it a stab.

 

Flower SCHoP has cultivated a greater variety of flowers and creepers than most Vine dragons and prefers to live under a building instead of in a clearing. There, he lays out his flowers on tables, his vines on trellises, (add comma) and places price tags next to everything. Many a gardener has wandered into his shop and, while distracted looking at the pretty flowers, they fail to notice the vines being wrapped around them until it is too late and they are dragged underground as food for a hungry Vine dragon.

 

I left it alone for the most part, as I didn't want to disturb the flow. Added some commas for clarification.

[Stormphoenix42]

The tense change is a little awkward as well - it goes from "has wandered" to "they fail/they are."  If I were editing it, I'd do something like the below:

 

Quote

Flower SCHoP has cultivated a greater variety of flowers and creepers than most Vine dragons and prefers to live under a building instead of in a clearing. There, he lays out his flowers on tables, arranges his vines on trellises, and places price tags next to everything. Many a gardener has wandered into his shop and, while distracted by looking at the pretty flowers, failed to notice the vines being wrapped around them until it was too late. They were then dragged underground as food for a hungry Vine dragon.

Just a suggestion, worth what you paid for it  I also adjusted the second sentence a tiny bit for flow, but that's more of a personal preference.

[missy_]

I think it's acceptable to mix tenses, in this case present perfect tense with present tense, depending on the circumstances. I find it a bit more confusing when it's changed to past tense.  Personally I don't think it's necessary to make the last sentence a standalone sentence, but that's just me.  

[Stormphoenix42]

I think it is incorrect in this case - it should either be "wander into/fail to notice" or "wandered into/failed to notice". There's not really a perspective change or dependency that would call for a switch. I agree the past tense version/standalone sentence at the end does still feel a bit forced, I was having trouble getting it to work as one sentence in past tense. Maybe switching the beginning to present tense would make it less awkward? 
 

Quote

Flower SCHoP has cultivated a greater variety of flowers and creepers than most Vine dragons and prefers to live under a building instead of in a clearing. There, he lays out his flowers on tables, arranges his vines on trellises, and places price tags next to everything. Many a gardener wanders into his shop and, while distracted looking at the pretty flowers, they fail to notice the vines being wrapped around them until it is too late and they are dragged underground as food for a hungry Vine dragon.

 

[Lagie]

8 hours ago, Chaos Rider said:

  Hide contents

Flower SCHoP has cultivated a greater variety of flowers and creepers than most Vine dragons and prefers to live under a building instead of in a clearing. There, he lays out his flowers on tables, his vines on trellises and places price tags next to everything. Many a gardener has wandered into his shop and while distracted looking at the pretty flowers they fail to notice the vines being wrapped around them until it is too late and they are dragged underground as food for a hungry Vine dragon.

Accept: Looks fine.

Accept: Clever use of the code!

Accept

 

Thanks, although now that I look at again the last sentence might be a bit of a run-on sentence. Not sure how to reword/break it up though. And the sentence before it about the vines, flowers and price tags being laid out. Is it just me or does it flow kind of awkwardly? Again, not sure how I should go about rewording it

I thought it was fine, but then, it kind of matches my own writing style! (I'm the one that laughed at your code!)

[missy_]

1 hour ago, Stormphoenix42 said:

Flower SCHoP has cultivated a greater variety of flowers and creepers than most Vine dragons and prefers to live under a building instead of in a clearing. There, he lays out his flowers on tables, arranges his vines on trellises, and places price tags next to everything. Many a gardener wanders into his shop and, while distracted looking at the pretty flowers, they fail to notice the vines being wrapped around them until it is too late and they are dragged underground as food for a hungry Vine dragon.

This! Is perfect, in my opinion. Problem solved!

[Lagie]

Well done, @Kaini!

[Kaini]

JSDKLFJSDLs all I did was offset one madlad, what the heck was that 😭

[Mathcat]

What in the world happened on July 1st, 2022? Attack of the spammer army? That's about 6 thousand new descriptions in very little time! (As well as about 4 thousand dealt with - very impressive.)

[Kaini]

2 minutes ago, Mathcat said:

What in the world happened on July 1st, 2022? Attack of the spammer army? That's about 6 thousand new descriptions in very little time! (As well as about 4 thousand dealt with - very impressive.)

I mean I did the 4k but I have NO idea what the heck that spike was. Maybe it wasn't accurately reporting? I don't recall them going up THAT fast...

[Lagie]

That spike is really odd.

[Mathcat]

Thanks, Kaini, for approving a truly absurd number of my descriptions! I'm sorry about submitting an overwhelming number at once, but I think I can pretty much guarantee it won't happen again. For one thing, everything on my scroll except the leetle tree and the one growing hatchling now has a description.