Single and child free by choice

[BlitzDrake]

I do not believe that people can't change their minds in the future- some will, some won't (the majority probably won't, because they have very good reasons not to). What I believe is that, if people say they won't change their minds, then you should respect their beliefs and leave them alone about it.

I can say I am one of such cases...being a lockiophobic and all (fear of child spawnage and anything that goes with it). Along with how my temper and patience are far from being "child safe". And lets not forget, I've developed a stronger and stronger dislike a children with ever year. Soh, I can validate I WON'T change my mind.

Edited October 2, 2013 by BlightWyvern

[whitebaron]

It does real world women concrete harm in any number of ways.

Yes, as do many other arguments made all over the world. Anything can be used to harm, even medicine. It's also clear from this thread that it was not meant to be used that way.

 

What really annoys me is the tendency to say "I am a target now, you are so evil", when there really was no malicious intent present in the first place. It tries to give one the status of a martyr/victim without ever being attacked - and many women try to play it that way, because they are oh so poor. Same happens here all over again.

[Cecona]

Yes, as do many other arguments made all over the world. Anything can be used to harm, even medicine. It's also clear from this thread that it was not meant to be used that way.

 

What really annoys me is the tendency to say "I am a target now, you are so evil", when there really was no malicious intent present in the first place. It tries to give one the status of a martyr/victim without ever being attacked - and many women try to play it that way, because they are oh so poor. Same happens here all over again.

........................................................................................-headdesk-

[Dr. Paine]

Yes, as do many other arguments made all over the world. Anything can be used to harm, even medicine. It's also clear from this thread that it was not meant to be used that way.

 

What really annoys me is the tendency to say "I am a target now, you are so evil", when there really was no malicious intent present in the first place. It tries to give one the status of a martyr/victim without ever being attacked - and many women try to play it that way, because they are oh so poor. Same happens here all over again.

...

 

Or people are just really annoyed/offended with the fact that you (and others who've posted the same sentiment) are coming into a thread that is by definition for single and child-free people to discuss their experiences and such, saying 'well you might change your mind', and refusing to just back off even after multiple different people have said they are aware of that and/or given reasons why no, they actually aren't likely to change their mind in the near or distant future. That's like if I went into the parenting thread and started going 'you might one day hate your children and wish you never had them in the first place'. It's off-topic, incredibly rude, and just completely uncalled for.

 

(Also, hi, Paine here; single *though that one's not exactly by choice * and with a deep aversion to ever having children because wow I am not good with kids and would rather spend time raising a nice puppy. I allow for the exception in like... maybe, maybe adopting an older kid later on-- and yeah, it would have to be adoption because pregnancy terrifies the hell out of me, and I just better see myself in long-term relationships with women over men. This aversion to children/parenting has been in existence through my entire life (even my parents can't really recall there ever being a time where I've been interested in it), soooo yeah, I feel pretty safe in saying it's not going to change any time soon.)

Edited October 2, 2013 by Dr. Paine

[whitebaron]

That's like if I went into the parenting thread and started going 'you might one day hate your children and wish you never had them in the first place'. It's off-topic, incredibly rude, and just completely uncalled for.

 

Feel free to go there. But it would be a lot more off-topic there than it is here, because it's not about "i love my children". Its how you raise them, and you can raise brats you don't like as well as children who are always adorable.

 

Also, you are right. In my family, there are multiple examples of kids not liking the parents and vice-versa. - Gladly, they are kinda far removed from our side. :-)

[Flamingo]

I for one am NOT going to change how I feel about having children. I did not carry around baby dolls when I was young, I did not offer to babysit when I was a teen for extra money, and I most certainly do not want anything to do with children now. The thought of giving birth or even having a child through adoption sickens me in ways I can't even describe. If knowing I'm never going to have children makes me a 'psychic' then I'm the new Miss Cleo.

[BlitzDrake]

@Whitebaron / mommykitty

How about for an example I'm 24. And for 10 years I've had the mindset that I hate kids, don't want them near me, and def. don't want to have them. People would tell me that my thoughts would change back when I was about 16, you know what? It never did, if anything my loathing of such things has only increased.

Even so, why do people feel the "need" to tell those that prefer to stay single/not have kids that "they could change their mind"? First off, you don't KNOW the person's life even, so you don't know what makes the think the way they do. You don't know why or what they went through to make them not want kids or stay single.

So yes, people are annoyed or get righteously indignant about this because you can't fully be aware or knowledgeable about the people and their choices.

 

And lets not get into how I would raise children.

Edited October 2, 2013 by BlightWyvern

[diannethegeek]

I'm 30 years old. I'm single by circumstance and childfree by choice.

 

I love kids. Everyone around me is having them and I'm thrilled for them. I love my friends' kids, even if they can barely hold their heads up right now. I love my niece and nephew. My sisters and I have talked and I know where I stand on the list should unfortunate circumstances take them away from their children. I will take my niece or nephew into my home and love and support them if that should ever happen.

 

I have no medical issues that I'm aware of that would keep my having healthy children. No genetic conditions. No pregnancy fears (other than the usual squicks).

 

I actually believe that I could be an awesome parent if the situation ever arose. I'm good with kids (as long as you don't want diapers changed). They seem to like me, anyway. And I've learned a lot over the years about how to teach your kids to grow up strong and healthy.

 

I just don't want any of my own. In the same way that I know I don't want to change careers and become a firefighter. Sure, I might change my mind one day, but that doesn't mean I should learn to drive a firetruck now just in case.

[Carmelita-Fox]

Ok, I don't get the point of telling people they'll change their minds. Maybe they will, but does it really do any good saying that? I hate cats, are you going to tell me I'll get over it in a decade? Personally, I'm engaged, and I've really started thinking recently how much I would love to have a daughter.

 

My best friend, on the other hand, has told me since she was fifteen that she never wants a husband or kids. At 23, that has not changed. I love her and I would never tell her to change her mind. She's fiercely independent, loves to travel, and has zero patience with little ones She tried marriage, but her independence is what makes her truly happy. Nothing wrong with that.

Edited October 2, 2013 by Sister of the Dragon

[bafleyanne]

Ok, I don't get the point of telling people they'll change their minds. Maybe they will, but does it really do any good saying that? I hate cats, are you going to tell me I'll get over it in a decade? Personally, I'm engaged, and I've really started thinking recently how much I would love to have a daughter.

 

My best friend, on the other hand, has told me since she was fifteen that she never wants a husband or kids. At 23, that has not changed. I love her and I would never tell her to change her mind. She's fiercely independent, loves to travel, and has zero patience with little ones She tried marriage, but her independence is what makes her truly happy. Nothing wrong with that.

Seriously, this. Who am I to tell someone else they should or will change their mind? I personally love kids and have 2 of them. I know lots of people who are childfree by choice, and I think that's great for them. I honestly think it is good when a person knows him/herself well enough to know that he/she does not want kids. Far too many people realize that AFTER they have them. One of my good friends years ago told me that her father constantly told her and her sister that they were the biggest mistakes of his life. I can't imagine how a child would feel hearing that.

 

If I can say so without offending, I think there are a couple of types of childfree folks. Some, like a few posters here, have known since they were young that they never wanted kids and that will never change for them. Some feel that way early in life and then change their mind later, and others just don't care that much and are in the "if it happens, it happens, but I'll be happy either way" camp and just don't happen to have children. It's all valid. Live your own life.

[bafleyanne]

PS: I learned something today. I had never heard the word "lockiophobia" before and now I know what it means!

[prairiecrow]

PS: I learned something today. I had never heard the word "lockiophobia" before and now I know what it means!

There's also tokophobia, which is fear of being pregnant in the first place. Personally I have both lokiophobia and tokophobia, though I'd describe them in terms of revulsion rather than fear. There are also plenty of people who are afflicted with one but not the other.

[BlitzDrake]

There's also tokophobia, which is fear of being pregnant in the first place. Personally I have both lokiophobia and tokophobia, though I'd describe them in terms of revulsion rather than fear. There are also plenty of people who are afflicted with one but not the other.

Ah, and I learned what tokophobia means, guess I can add that to my list

[Kestra15]

My cohort has just been asked to watch a video of a woman giving birth, close-ups and all. Quite a lot of them are now rather adamant that they don't want kids.

[lightbird]

My cohort has just been asked to watch a video of a woman giving birth, close-ups and all. Quite a lot of them are now rather adamant that they don't want kids.

I have seen a documentary about childbirth, full-frontal view and goop and all, but it didn't strengthen my resolve to not have children as much as learning about all the hormonal/physiological changes in pregnancy in a human physiology class years later. But that particular lecturer was such a colourful speaker, so to say, that I could see that a lot of students felt really uncomfortable after that particular lecture. ;D

[Lila]

I just don't want any of my own. In the same way that I know I don't want to change careers and become a firefighter. Sure, I might change my mind one day, but that doesn't mean I should learn to drive a firetruck now just in case.

No one quoted this for emphasis so I figured I should do the honors ;D

 

Except instead of a firetruck, it's a lifelong commitment that takes time and money and emotional and mental strain.

[whitebaron]

My cohort has just been asked to watch a video of a woman giving birth, close-ups and all. Quite a lot of them are now rather adamant that they don't want kids.

Every childbirth is different. For documentaries and the likes, you don't see the normal 50%. Usually you don't even see the harmless, a little longer births. You usually see the last 5% where something bad happens, where it really hurts, or something out-of-line happens.

 

I totally hate such documentaries. It's like showing people with digestive problems on the toilet. Or only showing animal hating factory movies to show how meat is produced. There's a big variety, and for show its usually only the "big ones".

[LADYDRAGONSKEEPER]

Has anyone had people actually try to cure you? I actually had someone insist on handing me their baby after I said I didn't want to hold it because I had a fear of dropping it.

 

I'm not kidding. I had agreed to watch her while the mom went into a smoking lounge. I was rocking her little carrier getting surrounded by several co-workers. Mom comes back and lets me know I can hold her. I explain in detail that I can't get over the fear of actually having a helpless life in my hands and she unstraps the kid from the carrier and hands it to me!

 

It didn't help my friend thought that my owning cats made my argument sound stupid. (Before she handed me the kid I pointed out cats land on their feet.)

 

 

Edited October 4, 2013 by LADYDRAGONSKEEPER

[Cecona]

Man that's messed up.

[Husky51]

I have seen a documentary about childbirth, full-frontal view and goop and all, but it didn't strengthen my resolve to not have children as much as learning about all the hormonal/physiological changes in pregnancy in a human physiology class years later. But that particular lecturer was such a colourful speaker, so to say, that I could see that a lot of students felt really uncomfortable after that particular lecture. ;D

Hahahaha, reminded me of the great idea we had as a way to get our daughter to abstain from sex in her early teen years. A friend of ours had three children and was almost due with her fourth. She was having it at home with a midwife and invited young daughter to observe. Great we thought, she will see how hard it is, pain and all (daughter was a wuss about pain) and lesson learned...

 

sigh...

 

Laura (prego) had an almost painless childbirth, no drugs, no sweat, no strain... Daughter became active at 16... sigh.. At least she practiced safe sex, as a father I couldn't ask for more I guess...

 

Oh, btw, she now has eight of her own now... EDIT: They were all conceived in marriage (one)...

 

Edited October 4, 2013 by Husky51

[Pokemonfan13]

Doesn't that tend to be the case with later children? At least that's what I heard.

 

 

To me as long as protection is used sex shouldn't be a big deal.

[Husky51]

Doesn't that tend to be the case with later children?  At least that's what I heard.

 

 

To me as long as protection is used sex shouldn't be a big deal.

 

 

It may be, but Laura told us later that she never went more than 1 or 2 hours in labor and never felt the need for an episiotomy or drugs. She said they all four seemed easy to her...

 

I forgot, but as I remember her, she was a very, laid back women and had wide hips. Maybe a larger birth canal helped. All of her kids weighed in between 7 to 8 pounds birth weight.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Husky51

[Kestra15]

Every childbirth is different. For documentaries and the likes, you don't see the normal 50%. Usually you don't even see the harmless, a little longer births. You usually see the last 5% where something bad happens, where it really hurts, or something out-of-line happens.

 

I totally hate such documentaries. It's like showing people with digestive problems on the toilet. Or only showing animal hating factory movies to show how meat is produced. There's a big variety, and for show its usually only the "big ones".

White, this was a normal birth, no complications. It wasn't a documentary, it was a learning tool for nurses and midwives. So it wasn't made to be some big, out-fo-line thing, it was a simple ordinary birth.

 

It was still full of blood, guts and poo.

[whitebaron]

Doesn't that tend to be the case with later children? At least that's what I heard.

 

 

To me as long as protection is used sex shouldn't be a big deal.

Later children usually go faster, yes. But easy or not, its every time a lottery.

 

I think age still matters, though 16+ would be my age of choice for teenagers to do more than heavy petting.

 

Besides that, @kestra: Yes, blood is in the nature of things, the placenta needs to go out, physiological fact. But poo depends greatly on the length of the birth and how your intestines work. And guts? Hmm, I must be interpreting that word wrong. There are no intestines to be seen in a normal birth. Please elaborate?

[Kestra15]

Besides that, @kestra: Yes, blood is in the nature of things, the placenta needs to go out, physiological fact. But poo depends greatly on the length of the birth and how your intestines work. And guts? Hmm, I must be interpreting that word wrong. There are no intestines to be seen in a normal birth. Please elaborate?

'Blood, guts and gore' i.e. lots of messy stuff. Poo is common regardless of length of labour as the contractions and the action of hormones on the gut means that any faeces from the mother that is in transit will most likely make an appearance during labour. There is the chance of the child also producing meconium (it's first stool), which is not ideal but not uncommon either. And the placenta is still an organ at the end of the day, so 'guts' when used in slang terminology can still refer to said organ.