Single and child free by choice

[Pokemonfan13]

Have you met these kids? They are literally the worst behaved kids I have ever met in my life. Hell yeah they are straining their marriage. They'd probably ruin mine too except I wouldn't raise them to throw tantrums every moment they are awake.

 

But really I've noticed this sharp attitude being extremely common in people who have kids.

Badly behaved kids are usually because their parents let them behave badly. I've watched a few of those nanny shows, and it is amazing how they can turn the worst kids in the world into little angels, and teach the parents how to keep them good.

[BlitzDrake]

I hate the response 'Oh, just wait till you're older'. I mean, the thought of having children is repulsive for me. My body was ready to have kids a long time ago and I didn't want them then and I don't want them now. Getting older is likely not to change my opinion since I've already gotten older and my opinion has only intensified.

Same. -.-. I hate how people try to point out what they think will happen to us and just disregard how you feel.

[Kestra15]

I hate the response 'Oh, just wait till you're older'. I mean, the thought of having children is repulsive for me. My body was ready to have kids a long time ago and I didn't want them then and I don't want them now. Getting older is likely not to change my opinion since I've already gotten older and my opinion has only intensified.

I was the same - right up until my niece arrived just before Xmas. I'm still scared of having kids and still think I'll make a terrible dad, but I love Girl deeply and actually wish I could spend more time with her. So I'm not saying 'wait until you're older,' but rather don't always be 100% against or for the idea as experiences can and will change you.

 

If you're saying you don't want kids now then that's fine, and I won't try to change your mind. There may, however, come a time when you change your mind. You may never change your mind and that's cool too, and you can plan never to have them and that's fine. But just be aware you may surprise yourself one day.

[Husky51]

I've noticed that some of the comments about kids are about how unmanageable or uncontrolled they are. It is not necessarily the kids fault. There may be some mental or physical reason behind it, but for the most part it is the parents. When my daughter was 2 we went to a restaurant and at one point asked for a spoon for her. When the waiter brought the spoon to her, she thanked him (in her version of the words 'thank you'). He was flabbergasted and made a big deal about it, even bringing her a dish of ice cream (with our permission).

 

I have to say that I am proud of my kids (one girl, two boys) and of their behavior when in public. At my age, I sometimes find it tedious to cook for one and often eat out. When I am at a Sizzler it amazes me about how some parents let their kids run loose (yes, RUN loose). I saw one little girl actually picking stuff up from the salad bar and putting it back. I corrected her and told the grandparents about it. They didn't seem to see anything wrong with it. With that attitude, I understood where the parent attitude came from.

 

Some people should never have kids! Unfortunately many of those people don't understand that they shouldn't have kids and the rest of us then suffer for it. What I like about what I have read in here is that even through all of the age groups, you have decided already as to whether you want children or not and that is IMO commendable...

 

Just remember, it is YOUR choice and should never be forced upon you, one way or another.

 

Good luck and enjoy...

Edited September 17, 2013 by Husky51

[Cecona]

Husky, I agree with you totally. I could understand if the child had a problem that caused them to act out so long as it's actually uncontrollable and not the parents just using it as an excuse. I've had parents tell me "Oh they have ADD/ADHD they are just being themselves" and I just want to smack them. One of my best friends is ADHD and he was always a well behaved kid. An ex boyfriend of mine came from a family that took in foster children with disabilities and one boy he was really fond of had a rather severe case of autism. He had a few behavioral problems but when someone has autism you really can't be so upset. They are just trying to understand this world the way they can.

 

The child I had to live with could be taught, I was able to teach her not to take off the toddler proof knob covers by telling her in a stern voice that she should never take them off and always knock. Her mom was pissed at me because she thought I was yelling at her daughter. But it worked, she never took the thing off again and always knocked. It's obvious the problem was the parents.

[Syaoransbear]

Badly behaved kids are usually because their parents let them behave badly.  I've watched a few of those nanny shows, and it is amazing how they can turn the worst kids in the world into little angels, and teach the parents how to keep them good.

Of course. They seem to be doing some attempt at positive-only parenting where they never punish their kids, but what they are actually doing is appeasement parenting or just plain old spoiling. When they make supper and the kids throw a tantrum because they don't want to eat it, the parents go "Okay then, what would you like to eat?" and then they go make the kids that food. They aren't learning that if they stop their tantrums they get good things, they are learning that if they throw a tantrum they get good things. One time my niece was throwing a tantrum because she didn't get a kinder surprise so to get her to stop they actually took her to the store and bought her two kinder surprises. Obviously those kids have their parents pretty well trained and it's the reason they throw tantrums constantly.

 

But it's easy to say "Well kids misbehave because of bad parenting." It's not like good parenting is easy to do.

 

And of course once your kids grow up then you still aren't done with children because your kids will probably have children and then you have grandchildren. Being a grandparent is just being a babysitter for free. You don't get to parent, you just have to deal with whatever mess of a kid your kids created.

[Pokemonfan13]

I'm not saying good parenting is easy, but it is true that if the kid is a terror it is usually not the kid's fault.

[Cecona]

And of course once your kids grow up then you still aren't done with children because your kids will probably have children and then you have grandchildren. Being a grandparent is just being a babysitter for free. You don't get to parent, you just have to deal with whatever mess of a kid your kids created.

My mom has told me that If I ever have children(because even though I have PCOS I'm still more likley to have children than my older sister who hates them in a passion despite how much they love her) and I leave them with her, she is going to spoil them rotten and feed them nothing but candy and soda before sending them back to me.

 

Slightly off topic but what you said reminded me of that.

[Husky51]

I think that what helped me with my child rearing was when my baby sister was brought home from the hospital at 3 days old. In 1956 it was normal to stay in the hospital for a week before coming home. At 9-1/2 I gave her the first bath at home by myself cause mom was sick. For the next 8-10 years I was the main controlling person in my sisters life. At her wedding, she thanked me for giving her the early guidance in her life. Yes, I was the one who walked her down the aisle. When my first was born (a girl) I had to help teach my wife on how to care for an infant. She had cared for her brothers, but not at such an early age.

 

The thing was, at 9-1/2, I had to grow up fast in some ways and so learned at an early age what happens when you don't initiate controls when the child is young. I know for a fact that one of my sons is going to have major problems with one of his kids. At 5 he is spoiled rotten and is very big for his age. He will be a school bully, I'm sure.

 

Sorry, went off topic. All I can say is, child-rearing is not for all people and it should not be forced upon them...

[Flamingo]

I'm thankful that my family understands that I do not like/want/be anywhere near children, however... my significant other has admitted that he does want children. And while we really like each other, I don't know if this will become an issue down the road. I'd hate for what we have to fall apart over a stupid thing like that.

 

I really hope that my body has listened to my pleas and become infertile, so I can just say "welp, we tried, let's get another bird instead".

[Pokemonfan13]

If it comes down to it you could always take birth control behind his back. x3

[_Z_]

Lies, dishonesty is never the way to handle a relationship. If a partner wants something you can not give, it is best to be honest and upfront about it. Wanting children, a family is not something that should be denied anyone, or forced on anyone.

 

The way I see it if you really love someone you want to give them what they need or you let them go.

[Husky51]

Lies, dishonesty is never the way to handle a relationship. If a partner wants something you can not give, it is best to be honest and upfront about it. Wanting children, a family is not something that should be denied anyone, or forced on anyone.

 

The way I see it if you really love someone you want to give them what they need or you let them go.

I have to agree with you ~Z~

[Moeru]

Lies, dishonesty is never the way to handle a relationship. If a partner wants something you can not give, it is best to be honest and upfront about it. Wanting children, a family is not something that should be denied anyone, or forced on anyone.

 

The way I see it if you really love someone you want to give them what they need or you let them go.

I agree as well.

My partner in high school/college really, really really wanted to have kids someday and I really, really really do not. Among the myriad of other things incompatible with our personalities, the feelings about having kids was really the nail in the coffin. I was even told "If you don't want to give me kids then maybe I'll find someone who can." Considering my partner had grown up in a very abusive, dysfunctional household since birth, this was really surprising to me. :/

 

Once that wall of lying and deceit is put up there is rarely any going back. After you hide one important thing, it becomes easier and easier to put off revealing it and then you start adding more and more to your stack of lies....

 

For exactly this reason my current partner and I have been extremely open and honest with each other even when the truth is less than pretty. But for this reason she has become closer to me than anyone else and I certainly consider her my Best friend. :3 Neither of us are interested in having children, and comparing our childhood experiences it's pretty obvious we just don't want to put anyone through, or go through ourselves, the kind of years we experienced.

 

We are both deeply interested in the future, future tech and the possibilities of Transhumanism, and frankly the earth can't handle any more humans sucking up its resources. I find it very irresponsible and selfish for anyone to have children considering the lack of sustainability in our current population and the atrocious environment we are leaving to them.

[BlitzDrake]

"but what about our grandchildren?"

 

I literally just blew up when my mom said this to me. First off, it's my life. You made your choice, I'll make mine. You don't want to see 4 iguanas running around the house then you should've had another kid to impress your wishes on for a HUMAN grandchild(kids).

I mean seriously, that is probably one of the most selfish reasons I can think of. Ironically for me, I said I didn't want kids/hated kids/(insert more words here) and I was called selfish because that would mean I was "the end of the lineage".

Edited September 19, 2013 by BlightWyvern

[Natayah]

While I am not single, I came in knowing my sig other wouldn't accept children and if I wanted them I could just choose not to have this relationship. Which was kinda liberating. Anyways, until I got into my 30's, I would say I wasn't having kids and everyone told me I would eventually change my mind. I don't think they got that it just wasn't an option for me in the lifestyle and decisions (including ethical) ones that I had chosen.

 

I also worked in a bookstore, so I was around a lot of "enlightened intelligent liberated independent" females. One of them said they wanted to give birth so they could "know what it is truly like to understand all the wonderful aspects of being a true womanhood...." And I was like.... are you saying because I choose not to give birth I am somehow less of a woman? Are you saying because I chose to make a decision and stick with it and not let social mores dictate extra burdens I choose not to participate in.... I am somehow less of a woman..."

 

And honestly... the answer really was, although they would never dare say it to my face, was yes, I was somehow less of a woman. And would always be less of one. Whatever. Whats funny is people would never dare say that to me now because they know I am happy to stick my self-empowered fist in their face.

 

Because... you know to be a real woman you have to juggle home and children and family and career and marriage and education and community relations and building, loving and improving the world in every way I .... am what.... not as crazy as the mores bestowed upon men at 70% of the cost.

 

You are welcome to it. Enjoy your pooping screaming snot-nosed Womanhood. Way to go sexual equality and liberation.

[renlacarne]

everyone always says oh youll want a girlfriend when you get older oh youll want a wife

one im gay so no thats not happening

as for the children part id be an awful dad so no thats not happening either

[Cupcakefight]

I'm only a sophomore, but I should probably start thinking about this stuff early on so I don't go the wrong road, and although everyone says "living with children is terrible", I think it depends on how you raise them. Definitely not getting married or having children till I'm out of college and have a job and things get settled down.

 

But I do want a girlfriend, trouble is finding one.

[Rachel72]

When the timing is right, things always fall into place

[prairiecrow]

When the timing is right, things always fall into place

If you're talking about wanting kids... oh honey, I'm coming up on fifty years of age now, there have been a few times in my life when I could have had children, and guess what?

 

Never wanted them. Ever.

 

Some people just aren't cut out for childbearing and child-rearing, and anybody who thinks otherwise hasn't been paying attention to this entire thread (or to life in general).

[catstaff]

If you're talking about wanting kids... oh honey, I'm coming up on fifty years of age now, there have been a few times in my life when I could have had children, and guess what?

 

Never wanted them. Ever.

 

Some people just aren't cut out for childbearing and child-rearing, and anybody who thinks otherwise hasn't been paying attention to this entire thread (or to life in general).

I think the comment you responded to, was actually in reference to the next poster up saying he wanted a girlfriend but the trouble was finding one. Beyond that, pretty much everyone in the thread seems to be in agreement that anyone who chooses to remain single and/or child free should have their decisions respected.

 

At most, I've seen one or two people mention that sometimes life experiences do cause people to change their minds, and that younger people in particular might want to keep an open mind to the possibility of that happening at some point, while also acknowledging that sometimes those life experiences simply reinforce people's choices.

 

And I'll step forward here and say I -am- one of the ones who changed my mind about having kids. When I was 14 or 15... nope, don't want kids, never! Hate them! When I was 23 and several friends had babies... eh, still not entirely sure, but I suppose they're not too bad. When I was 29 and started dating my husband... yeah, okay, I do kinda want a kid although I won't go out of my way to have one.

 

I certainly don't think parenthood is for everyone. For that matter, as much as I love my kid, if things had worked out differently and I never got pregnant, I'd be fine with that, too.

[TikindiDragon]

You know it's funny - my Mum has actually said that my deciding I wasn't having children was one of the most mature and reasoned decisions she'd known me to make. The whole family is perfectly happy with the idea that I plan to be the worlds best Uncle (/Aunt, depending on how well they've adjusted to the idea I'm trans - that's been more difficult than the whole 'no kids' thing).

 

The general populace though, geeze. In order to avoid akward/annoying conversations with customers I actually wear a ring to work and will say (if asked) that I've got a four year old (I have - a 4 year old nephew that I know enough about to get away with). Trying to explain to an 80 something year old (when you are only there to read the meter) that, no, you aren't married but have lived with a partner for 10 years and, no, you don't want kids gets tiring. As well as repetitive and pointless. It's easier just to let them think what they want to think (nice young working Mum) for the few minutes you're actually going to be dealing with them than it is to answer akward questions 60 times a day.

[Syaoransbear]

Here's an article about 'mommyjacking' which I'm sure we're all pretty familiar with and can relate to. Despite how many times me and my husband tell people we don't want children, they still bring it up. WHY do parents want people who hate children to have them? No one would benefit from this. My husband hates children so much that he's excited about getting a vasectomy. I've never seen a man more enthusiastic about having that procedure done.

 

Personally I hope something I post on facebook gets mommy jacked so I can post this gif from Attack of Titan that properly expresses my feelings about the issue.

 

My mom has occasionally mentioned grandchildren but I have a very large german shepherd who satisfies her need for grandchildren. Half the time she gets overwhelmed by him so I think she knows that if she finds a well behaved dog overwhelming then she probably can't handle grandchildren. My MIL has actually said she doesn't want anymore grandchildren. She only has two. That's just how bad my SIL's kids are, lol.

 

The only time I've ever felt like having children was when I see my SIL and her husband making horrible attempts at parenting, then I feel like having my own child and raising it to be way more well behaved then there's and have everyone like it way more than their kids just to kind of rub it in. But showing someone else up is probably a bad reason to have a kid, heh.

[Pokemonfan13]

I was in a situation relatively recently where the person I was talking to just assumed I'd have kids later. I didn't want to have a debate, so I just kinda did noncommittal answers, but I really do wish that it wasn't just taken for granted that everyone wants and will have babies.

 

I'm considering doing fostering since I know finding them good homes is so hard, but not any of the "problem" kids, I have enough problems of my own....

Edited September 25, 2013 by Pokemonfan13

[Cecona]

I don't know if you would be able to get out of fostering problem children- the majority of children in that system are problem children. I dated a guy whose family was in the foster program and he told me some horror stories. And in the abortion thread someone else had their own story about problems with the foster system and child services. If you can avoid getting the problem children than good for you, but it might be unlikely that you cannot choose what child you get to a certain extent.

 

My best friend's cousin is adopted, her aunt is a foster parent- I actually lived down the street from her for a few years. I guess she loved that one specific baby so much and adopted her. But I think her birth parents were drug addicts and had mental problems, basically unfit, and she ended up having problems as she grew up. She ended up running away several times, sent to a kind of in patient psychiatric hospital and ran away from there too. I think she is doing better now though.

 

Also that gif omg Are those like... human children or titan children?

Edited September 25, 2013 by Cecona