Single and child free by choice

[Cecona]

Meh. I'd like to be in a relationship, but I just don't know that time and my life situation allows for that right now.

As for kids... I don't think I'd be likely to volunteer the option of having any. And if my partner wanted any, I'd probably push for adoption. Partially because 80% of the things involved in pregnancy scare the heck out of me, and the otehr 20% gross me out like woah.

But my family's never pushed my brothers, my cousins, or me to settle down and start producing grandkids. And none of us are proving to be particularly promising on that front, either. We're a whole can of single pringles in this generation.

Lol single pringles, I like that

[LegendOfKorraFan]

I'm fine with being single, for now. But in all honesty, I'm lonely. I want someone that I can meet up at school with and hold hands with. I want someone who I can invite over for a movie and cuddle. Being alone sucks to me. I see all my friends with people, and they're HAPPY! I want to be happy too! The problem, with me is that I always get friend zoned right off the bat because I don't have as much muscle on my arms as the football kids.

 

As for the kids thing, don't let anyone rush you. It's totally a persons choice if/when he/she wants kids. Same goes for CHOOSING to be single ^-^

[Switch]

I'd honestly really like a boyfriend but I couldn't handle kids. I can barely take care of myself and I'd have no idea what do. ;c I haven't been pressured about it much fortunately.

[Riverwillows]

Growing up, my best friend Candy and I were very different in this. I knew I wanted to be a mom, loved kids, couldn't wait. She on the other hand, was never very comfortable around young kids. When she turned 21, she got her tubes tied. I was married and expecting a baby. Both of us never regretted our choices. She married a man with similar outlooks. She loves her nieces and nephews, and my kid, but never desired one of her own. I will always respect that, she knew what she did and didn't want, and took responsibility for it. We are in our late 40's now.

[earthgirl]

I'd love to get married and have kids someday, but just...not now. I'm 27 and for a long time I've been under the impression that happiness means having a husband and kids. But some events completely changed my opinions over it.

 

Right now, even though I'm 'old enough' to be in a relationship and I know that most of my former classmates already have kids of their own, I just don't see it happening for me anytime soon. I'm okay with that.

 

What enrages me are guys who think that if I'm single, I'm desperate enough to hump them in the first 5 minutes. :/ Well, nothnx. I used to do that some years ago when I was dumb and naive. I want a family, yes, but not with a desperate creep who cant respect one's personal space.

[Mousia]

Anyone who doesn't want to have kids or be in a relationship should have their choices be respected. That's like if a whole bunch of you teamed up and started nagging your married/parent friends to leave that situation. It's their choice to have kids and be in a relationship, just as it's yours to not want that.

 

Personally, I'd like a family, but it's always been my choice. Of course, being an only child, it's been on my shoulders to carry on the family line, but I've got no problem with that. *shrug*

[Husky51]

Let me start off by this admission: I am a guy and have 67 years under my belt. Now before you start throwing stones at me, let me say this, I have a sister (my only sibling) who early on, decided that kids were not in her future plans. Her career came first. She was an RN in a major hospital and worked primarily with terminal cancer patients. She later moved to working in a doctors office. With her medical connections, she was able to have herself sterilized without too much trouble and she has never been disheartened by that decision.

 

Her first marriage, at about 25 or so, ended 15 yrs later with her husbands sexual preference change. Now, at 58 (still very healthy and energetic) she is married to a man who owns a comedy club who had the same thoughts early in life. Unfortunately, abt 17 yrs ago (before they were married) he fathered a child under circumstances too lengthy to entail .

 

The child has been provided for and has a relationship with his father. And so, my sister married her way into step-motherhood.... And, well having some feelings for her step-child, has not liked the situation at all, especially now that he is living in the home part of the time. I am occasionally called upon for advice for them (I have three of my own) and the latest was, "When does parenting end?" I had to laugh. I looked at her and said, "Never!". It lasts until the day you die...

 

They had the idea that when M finished high school all they would have to think about from then on was providing him with college funds and no further contact or guidance was necessary from then on, etc. I set them straight on that issue, but they have accepted it and deal with it. M does not suffer on their account.

 

This is merely background to the topic. I fully support the right of a person, be they male or female, to not have children or marry if they decide not to. There are times when I wished I hadn't done either, but I have to say that I love my children even though I still have to help out two of them. Instead of being able to travel, etc I am still partially supporting my daughter and one son. Between the three of them I have sixteen grandchildren and step-grandchildren.

 

My situation? After 27 yrs of marriage my ex and I divorced, no alimony, etc. And now I am pestered with people trying to 'set me up'! If I am out with a friend at bingo or in a restaurant, others think I am still 'fishing'. I am not! These people are either casual friends or relatives. I don't want people meddling in my affairs (haha, pun?) and just want them to stop looking to either hook up with me or connect me with another. Even at 67 yrs of age, it still goes on so be prepared.

 

You can't blame them. They have had years of married, childbearing happiness, for the most part, and think that you are missing out on all the joys and sorrows of the aforementioned experiences. They cannot fathom the idea that you are happy just being yourself, making your OWN decisions, etc. Something must be missing from your life and they have just the cure for you...

 

Hang in there! Don't be pressured! Understand where they are coming from and be strong in your beliefs in yourself.

 

'nuff said.

 

Good luck.

[Cecona]

My mother was also under the assumption that after my older sister and I hit our late teens/early twenties we would move out and take care of ourselves (like she did, she always tells me "Well I was out of my parent's house by 18" I'M NOT YOU MOM) and she would "have her life back". Basically she makes it sound like having kids is a burden on her and her ability to stay out all night drinking. Unfortunately she ended up having a child that is basically completely dependent on her due to certain issues.

 

I know that she loves my sister and I unconditionally and she is a really really good mother and person, but she wants to be able to go out almost every night with her friends and drink cheap wine and vodka. And when she is out too late I can't help that my anxiety gets the better of me. And then she gets pissed off at me because I started crying because I couldn't get a hold of her and she's like "oh my god, Cara, stop panicking you have no reason to panic!" PANIC AND ANXIETY ISN'T RATIONAL, MOM, IT JUST HAPPENS AND I CAN'T CONTROL IT!

Edited September 15, 2013 by Cecona

[Endyr_Serifi]

Personally I hate when people ask me stupid questions like ' who do you have a crush on; do you have a boy friend; ect.'. I just don't get those people. I don't want to go through all the heartbreak my (21 year old) sisters went through! I'm not even in high-school yet and people are bugging me! Why can't they just leave me alone? 。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。

[Kanaye]

When I was younger, I used to say I wanted to be married and have kids by the time I was 30, but now thats less than 2 years away. I can't see my situation changing so drastically that this would happen.

 

I've been single for little less than a year now but my last boyfriend lasted 4 years. At the three year mark, people kept asking us when we were going to get married. It would always take me aback. Married? I wasn't ready for that then and I'm still not now.

 

And kids? I've seen what having kids does to my friends, my family. While I love my niece (she's 5) and am so happy to be getting a nephew, I'm doubly not ready to be a parent.

 

My eldest sister had a lot of birth issues, which led to several other issues in her adult life. She ended up marrying a guy older than my parents and, despite my parents objections, went to fertility clinics to get pregnant.

 

My parents would also object to my attempting to get pregnant, though not for the same reasons.

 

However, my youngest sister was married 3 years ago and is now expecting my nephew. My parents are so happy.

 

Two sisters, both married and with a kid and I'm not even in a relationship. While I have been trying to change my single status, its not something I need to be happy.

Edited September 15, 2013 by Kanaye

[Husky51]

@ Cecona

No, this is no relief from irrational fear, it happens. Wishing you the best.

 

@ Jsward322

The thing is, as you have already found out, people will ask and the only thing you can do about it is to come up with a stock reply that one, tells them you are not ready; two, too butt out; and three do it in a manner that is not belligerent.. I wish I could give you some verbal choices, but, alas, I cannot at this time... Think about it beforehand and practice it in a mirror.

 

@

Kanaye

Good luck in however your endeavors take you...

[Caesin Miirik]

I think the only reason some people pester about relationship status is so that they have something to gossip about to the rest of the world. Almost as if they feel like it's their "sacred" duty to blab about who's with who when it's none of their business in the first place. I've never been in a relationship, I'm not interested in one. I probably never will be, unless I meet the perfect guy. (Probably not happening.) I'm lucky, though, because my parents aren't interested in being grandparents yet, and I don't know enough people to be pestered with match-makers. The few people I do know understand that I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship. I guess the only time I ever got badgered about if I had a boyfriend or not was was when the kids who rode the bus got bored and decided to pester me. (But these were the same kids who wanted to know my birthday so they could type it into a perverted app, so...yeah. I'd never tell them anything anyway.) All of that pestering ended when I started driving myself. But seriously, I never got along with the younger kids. I never understood why babies screamed all though church services or parents took their howling kids to movies. I just don't understand children, so why would I want any of my own? They ask annoying questions...never-ending, annoying questions whose answers they don't understand anyway.

[St. Jimmy]

Ugh, I get the pestering all the time from my parents. Even after telling them that I'm tokophobic and pregnancy would mentally destroy me, I still get "oh, you'll change your mind someday" "it's different when they're yours" "but what about our grandchildren?" (when they asked that one, I pointed right at my brother, who DOES want kids.) I even had a friend on facebook tell me I'm selfish for not wanting kids because "your parents gave you life, now it's your job to do it" and some crap about responsibility. Yeah, no.

 

As for marriage, I would love that someday. But it's unlikely to happen anytime soon, since society seems to have a problem with polyamory.

[igloo9201]

As I've mentioned in other places, I'm Lutheran. I love both of my pastors, but one of them irritates the crap out of me. Why? He thinks I'm completely insane for not liking/wanting kids. He always tries to change my mind. It makes me want to duct tape his mouth shut.

 

I don't know why, but even though I'm only thirteen, I know that I want to be married without children. I'm taking NO chances of having kids EVER! I think it's really dumb shown kids my age always date, so I'm obviously not dating anyone. Besides, who would really ever put up with me? ^-^

[Jet Raptor]

I'm single without any kids, and I'd like to keep it that way. I just have no interest in that stuff. My mom doesn't have a problem with it. People make me nervous, anyway, so it works out for me. :I

[senyi]

I don't know why, but even though I'm only thirteen, I know that I want to be married without children. I'm taking NO chances of having kids EVER! I think it's really dumb shown kids my age always date, so I'm obviously not dating anyone. Besides, who would really ever put up with me? ^-^

My thoughts exactly. I think I'd prefer to stay single until I finish college, but you'd never know, I guess.

[Syaoransbear]

I just turned 24, I got married over a year ago and I'm child free hopefully for life. I've never wanted children, and just before our wedding because of uncontrollable circumstances my SIL and her family moved in with us(they have recently moved out, though). She has two small children. Living with those children was hell. I can honestly say that I would not be sad at all if those children died.

 

My feelings for them aside, you could tell their children are taking a toll on her marriage. Me and my husband have always been loving, respectful, patient, and well mannered to each other no matter what kind of emotional crisis we were having. My SIL and her husband were constantly short with each other and always having inappropriate responses. Even if one of them asked the other something as simple and innocent as "What do you want for supper?" it would be met with such an extraordinarily harsh and inappropriate answer, such as "I DON'T KNOW what I want just MAKE SOMETHING, okay?!". It was shocking. This was how they regularly treated each other. I never, ever want my marriage to be that way. Those kinds of responses are what you say to enemies.

 

Although my marriage, so far, is pretty much as perfect as they could come and as perfect for me as it could be, I'm not always sure I made the right decision. I'm not sure I'm suitable to be in any kind of relationship, and for my mental health I wonder if I'd be better off alone. I'm an extremely paranoid person and being close to someone and having your livelihood depend on them makes my anxiety and paranoia barely tolerable. My husband could leave me at any moment and my life would pretty much be ruined. It's terrifying to depend so much on another person. It doesn't matter how well you know someone, you'll never, ever really know exactly what they are thinking.

 

I have never desired to be in a relationship. I never understood those people who had a goal of "finding a boyfriend/girlfriend" and would try to meet people or use things like dating websites. Even when my first relationship ended, which lasted 3 years, I don't remember feeling very sad about it. If this one ends prematurely I will be sad, but I will be pretty happy about exiting the relationship life permanently and fully indulging my desire to be alone.

 

And I know the following is cliche, but I'm not really sure who I am and I never got to heal the wounds that were inflicted on me for so many years. My 'true' personality feels wrong, and any personas I adopt also feel wrong. The personality I adopt when socializing with people especially feels wrong, and every word that comes out of my mouth when I'm talking to someone makes me hate myself more and more and I just want to punch myself in the face. I try to take up hobbies that I should like and that I'm positive I will like, only to end up hating it for no particular reason and fully frustrating myself. It's like sharing a mind with a stranger.

 

I don't know how one discovers their personality, and even though I do love my marriage I imagine that always thinking for two isn't the way to discover it. But I'm content sacrificing not knowing who I am for this marriage.

[Kestra15]

I am very happy with my lover even if it isn't an official relationship, but I certainly do find myself much happier with someone in my life than when I'm single.

[7Deadly$ins]

I just turned 24, I got married over a year ago and I'm child free hopefully for life. I've never wanted children, and just before our wedding because of uncontrollable circumstances my SIL and her family moved in with us(they have recently moved out, though). She has two small children. Living with those children was hell. I can honestly say that I would not be sad at all if those children died.

 

My feelings for them aside, you could tell their children are taking a toll on her marriage. Me and my husband have always been loving, respectful, patient, and well mannered to each other no matter what kind of emotional crisis we were having. My SIL and her husband were constantly short with each other and always having inappropriate responses. Even if one of them asked the other something as simple and innocent as "What do you want for supper?" it would be met with such an extraordinarily harsh and inappropriate answer, such as "I DON'T KNOW what I want just MAKE SOMETHING, okay?!". It was shocking. This was how they regularly treated each other. I never, ever want my marriage to be that way. Those kinds of responses are what you say to enemies.

 

Although my marriage, so far, is pretty much as perfect as they could come and as perfect for me as it could be, I'm not always sure I made the right decision. I'm not sure I'm suitable to be in any kind of relationship, and for my mental health I wonder if I'd be better off alone. I'm an extremely paranoid person and being close to someone and having your livelihood depend on them makes my anxiety and paranoia barely tolerable. My husband could leave me at any moment and my life would pretty much be ruined. It's terrifying to depend so much on another person. It doesn't matter how well you know someone, you'll never, ever really know exactly what they are thinking.

 

I have never desired to be in a relationship. I never understood those people who had a goal of "finding a boyfriend/girlfriend" and would try to meet people or use things like dating websites. Even when my first relationship ended, which lasted 3 years, I don't remember feeling very sad about it. If this one ends prematurely I will be sad, but I will be pretty happy about exiting the relationship life permanently and fully indulging my desire to be alone.

 

And I know the following is cliche, but I'm not really sure who I am and I never got to heal the wounds that were inflicted on me for so many years. My 'true' personality feels wrong, and any personas I adopt also feel wrong. The personality I adopt when socializing with people especially feels wrong, and every word that comes out of my mouth when I'm talking to someone makes me hate myself more and more and I just want to punch myself in the face. I try to take up hobbies that I should like and that I'm positive I will like, only to end up hating it for no particular reason and fully frustrating myself. It's like sharing a mind with a stranger.

 

I don't know how one discovers their personality, and even though I do love my marriage I imagine that always thinking for two isn't the way to discover it. But I'm content sacrificing not knowing who I am for this marriage.

The fact that they have a bad relationship and also have kids doesn't mean that one of those is the cause of the other.

[Doomy]

I can't seem to even FIND someone interested in me, so in that regard, I'm single.

However, no matter what, I do not want to have children. The fact that I have a very very low tolerance for pain combined with...the kind of person I am and the issues I deal with does not make me ideal birthing/mothering material.

Like a lot of people who have already posted, people are always trying to tell me that I'll "change my mind" about having children, but honestly I believe that I am one of those people that just shouldn't have kids.

 

 

 

 

[Syaoransbear]

The fact that they have a bad relationship and also have kids doesn't mean that one of those is the cause of the other.

Have you met these kids? They are literally the worst behaved kids I have ever met in my life. Hell yeah they are straining their marriage. They'd probably ruin mine too except I wouldn't raise them to throw tantrums every moment they are awake.

 

But really I've noticed this sharp attitude being extremely common in people who have kids.

[Moonlight_Eevee]

I'm glad that I'm still single. No one can everchange that but me and I do not want to date anytime soon. I hate makeup, dresses, clothes, and the things that make a girl...well a girl

[pudding]

I hate the response 'Oh, just wait till you're older'. I mean, the thought of having children is repulsive for me. My body was ready to have kids a long time ago and I didn't want them then and I don't want them now. Getting older is likely not to change my opinion since I've already gotten older and my opinion has only intensified.

 

[Cecona]

One thing I know is if I do adopt I may just adopt an older child so I don't have to deal with all the little kid stuff. Or maybe I can adopt a baby and then give it to someone else when it turns 2 and get it back when it's 8 or something. (Joking obviously)

 

I love little babies, I adore them when they are still tiny and can't walk yet or destroy my stuff. When I saw my cousin after she gave birth two weeks before I spent a lot of time just holding the little baby. He was so well behaved because he slept a lot and didn't cry often.

 

But the moment they are able to walk about they turn into little terrors. For several months my mom allowed her friend, two kids, and husband stay at our house- I hated it. Let alone I can't stand how my mom just lets people live with us without paying even though the agreement stated they needed to pay rent in order to help us with our money issue while they stayed. It was a nightmare! They have a little 3 year old (at the time, now 4) that everyone thought was adorable and hilarious but she was just a menace to me. She would come into my room, no knocking, no asking, just comes in and bugs me when I want to be alone and touches all my . We ended up having to get toddler proof doorknob covers because she kept opening the doors, including the front, and let the cats out even though they are indoor cats. And she would throw the biggest nastiest tantrums if she didn't get her way and she would spend hours crying and screaming while her parents just let her go until she couldn't cry anymore. I'm sorry but if you are living with someone else you don't let your toddler get away with all the they let her do. I told my mom over and over that they don't do anything to control their child and my mom just made excuses for them like "oh well they aren't living in their own home so it's harder for them" bull****! If you are living with someone else you make damn sure your child is well behaved. At some point she realized how to take the knob things off and just came into my room with them in her hands. I was so done with her but I didn't scream or yell at her. I took the things from her hands and very sternly told her that she is NOT to take those off the door knob and that she should knock and ask for permission before going into a room. Her mother was in the next room and then suddenly I'M the one that gets in trouble. I'm sorry, I was only doing what YOU AS A PARENT SHOULD BE DOING YOURSELF! Surprisingly every time after that she knocked on my door instead of just came in.

 

Not even a few months after they moved out my mom let this jobless alcoholic rent the free room because he promised to pay rent. He now owes my mom thousands of dollars and no matter how many times I tell my mom to get rid of him she goes "I can't do that, that's too mean." OMG MOM! She doesn't even CARE about how I feel about that ! I've told her over and over and over and over countless times that since it's MY check that pays the rent I should at least have some say when it comes to this kind of stuff. She tries to humor me, allowing me to say what I want, and then ****ing ignores me! She doesn't care if I don't like these people that mooch off of us and take advantage of her kindness and generosity. She doesn't care if I would want nothing more than for the house to finally be just her and myself and our pets. NO ONE ELSE GAAAH IT JUST MAKES ME SO ****ING MAD!!

 

 

 

TL;DR- I like baby babies, but hate little kids and bad parents. And also my mom is too erogenous for her own good despite how much it effects me.

 

 

sorry went real off topic there....

Edited September 16, 2013 by Cecona

[LibbyLishly]

I'm happily married and expecting my first kid, but I TOTALLY support people who simply do not want kids. Some people do wind up changing their minds later on, but some do not, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you have no desire to be a parent, you should not feel pressure to become one.

 

Me? I've always wanted kids of my own, though I hated babysitting with all my heart, because I had no control over the discipline of those kids, which was the source of most of the problems with them. But marriage and parenthood is not for everyone, and I don't see a problem with that.

 

I HATE people asking "So how many kids do you want? Is there a maximum?" and such things. What business is it of yours? What if I change my mind on a given number in 10 years? What if something goes horribly wrong? And are you going to judge me for wanting a larger number than most? Similarly, I get mad when people ask my newly-engaged friends or newlyweds when they're going to have kids. Why would you ask that? You don't know what circumstances might dictate that. Maybe they're trying and you asking is making it worse. Maybe there's a medical condition that means they'll never have kids and maybe that's a massive tragedy to that couple. And maybe, just maybe, they don't want kids and now feel awkward trying to explain, without incurring your judgement, that they're not actually planning on having kids of their own. Maybe they'd make TERRIBLE parents! Ever think about that?

 

*Goes in a corner to rage*