Single and child free by choice

[LADYDRAGONSKEEPER]

I've been having trouble with people trying to date me, to fix me up on dates, or 'help me out' by trying to 'let' me babysit for them. Does anyone else have a problem with people not understanding that a spouse and kids is not for everyone.

[Cecona]

-pat pat- I'm single by choice, relationships are really just too much hassle and drama for me. While I do like kids and want to have one or two someday I'm still in my early twenties and have plenty of time to deal with that crap. And the people that think everyone has to be in a relationship or think you'll only be really happy if you have a love life need to just mind their own business. Everyone finds happiness in their own way and if it's not with a significant other than it shouldn't be seen and some kind of bad thing. One problem I think is that people are getting married and starting families really young, and that's been something acceptable for so long people who don't want a relationship are seen as having a problem.

[Pokemonfan13]

I'd like to find a guy, but don't ever want kids. The most anyone would be able to talk me into is foster/adopt.

 

Can't you just say that you don't want to find a SO? At least then you wouldn't have to deal with multiple attempts by the same person.

[eritated]

I'm only 15, but I already know that I don't want kids. Besides the fact that I dislike them, I wouldn't want to pass down the genetic disorder I have. It's hard enough living with it, but having a kid with the same thing on top of that would just be living hell. I'm always told that I'll "change my mind" and I'll want them eventually. This really annoys me, because people always seem to think they know what I want and/or what is best for me better than I do, and they don't <_<

[lightbird]

I am in a relationship right now, which is alright, but I certainly don't think that you can only gain happiness by having a partner. In fact, I think that you can only find the way to happiness within yourself, since any external factors and people can be changing and/or disappointing = foolish to rely on for your satisfaction.

 

As for children, I've known for a long time that I don't want them, reasons for not wanting them have only grown over the years (I'm 25 now), and if I desperately wanted to care for a child, I'd rather adopt an existing life, there's no need to churn out my own.

[dustpuppy]

Oh yes! I'm a bit like the opposite of Cecona, I like having a partner (but one who isn't constantly hovering around me) but I will never have children and it gets quite annoying when people think they are doing me a favour by telling me "there's still time, maybe you can still have children one day!". No. I'm not denying myself something I wish for. I'm childless on purpose, yes really.

 

I think it is a good thing that you know yourself and don't do something just because "everyone" does it.

[Cecona]

I'd like to find a guy, but don't ever want kids. The most anyone would be able to talk me into is foster/adopt.

 

Can't you just say that you don't want to find a SO? At least then you wouldn't have to deal with multiple attempts by the same person.

Experience says this very rarely works.

[Red Dragonette]

I don't want to get married and have a family either. And there's a few good reasons why I need to stay single.

[siliconrose]

I'm married, but occasionally the "when are you having kids?!" pressure gets rather silly. My books, my programs, and my cats are my babies. I don't want real children.

[Bacon_Strips]

I'm married, but occasionally the "when are you having kids?!" pressure gets rather silly.

That's terrible! Why do people invade relationship privacy and think they're doing nothing wrong?! What goes on between a couple and their intimacy should not be a public topic of discussion.

[Dragon_Lord]

It's in natural human instinct to want to reproduce, but there are always exceptions to such things. I respect those who choose not to reproduce for fear of passing down a genetic condition.

[Pokemonfan13]

All I can say is I am extremely glad that at least I'll never have to deal with the "when are the grandkids going to come?" pressure from my parents. They seem to just understand that that's not part of my life goals.

[Cecona]

All I can say is I am extremely glad that at least I'll never have to deal with the "when are the grandkids going to come?" pressure from my parents.  They seem to just understand that that's not part of my life goals.

My mother is actually kind of happy she is the only one of her sisters to not be a grandma yet.

 

 

With there being the risk of a child of mine having either one, some, or all of the problems I have (Asperger's, Generalized Anxiety, Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, there is also bi-polar disorder, diabetes, and cancer that runs in my family) It's unlikely I'll have a child myself- if that's even possible with the whole PCOS thing. So when I feel I am ready I'll probably adopt as well.

Edited September 15, 2013 by Cecona

[HeatherMarie]

I'm married, but occasionally the "when are you having kids?!" pressure gets rather silly.

I've *really* never understood that. It's like if you are married, or even engaged, suddenly there's this huge sign saying the two of you are "supposed" to be having kids now! What is that all about? Omg and possibly worse is when they go on to say "you aren't getting any younger you know!" .... So question my life choices *and* insult me? Thaaaanks.

 

Personally I've always seen myself adopting one or two children, but I think that's becoming more of a leftover childhood dream. I've been single for 6 years and, while I would *like* a little romance and someone to care about me, it's not something I'm looking for and I'm perfectly fine with that.

[catstaff]

My mother is actually kind of happy she is the only one of her sisters to not be a grandma yet.

 

 

With there being the risk of a child of mine having either one, some, or all of the problems I have (Asperger's, Generalized Anxiety, Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, there is also bi-polar disorder, diabetes, and cancer that runs in my family) It's unlikely I'll have a child myself- if that's even possible with the whole PCOS thing. So when I feel I am ready I'll probably adopt as well.

Just as a side note, be hyper-vigilant with your birth control if you're not wanting to give birth.

 

Someone I knew on another forum had gone through getting her PCOS diagnosed (posting about the issues as they came up), and in her case, was devastated to learn that she probably couldn't have kids of her own. She and her husband figured they'd start trying almost immediately after the wedding, because she'd been warned that IF she managed to get pregnant, it would likely take a couple of years to happen. So naturally, she became pregnant within three months... and then got pregnant again barely four months after the first one was born.

 

While she was more than happy to have the kids, she ranted on the forum about the timing of both pregnancies, and wishing she hadn't listened to the doctors telling her that there was no way she'd get pregnant so quickly, especially the second time. Needless to say, even though the doctors were still telling her it was a fluke and she shouldn't "waste money" on birth control as they were surprised she'd gotten pregnant at all and it surely wouldn't happen again, she insisted on it after having the second child.

[Nectaris]

One good thing about having a sibling is that I feel a lot of the pressure is off of me. Given that my brother is married and does have plans to have kids eventually, my parents will be grandparents without my help.

 

I would like a relationship one day, but I am not seeing that happening, I am too much of a recluse and like my privacy too much to be comfortable with someone living with me. As for kids, I wouldn't necessarily mind them, but I don't really want them either.

[Cecona]

Just as a side note, be hyper-vigilant with your birth control if you're not wanting to give birth.

 

Someone I knew on another forum had gone through getting her PCOS diagnosed (posting about the issues as they came up), and in her case, was devastated to learn that she probably couldn't have kids of her own. She and her husband figured they'd start trying almost immediately after the wedding, because she'd been warned that IF she managed to get pregnant, it would likely take a couple of years to happen. So naturally, she became pregnant within three months... and then got pregnant again barely four months after the first one was born.

 

While she was more than happy to have the kids, she ranted on the forum about the timing of both pregnancies, and wishing she hadn't listened to the doctors telling her that there was no way she'd get pregnant so quickly, especially the second time. Needless to say, even though the doctors were still telling her it was a fluke and she shouldn't "waste money" on birth control as they were surprised she'd gotten pregnant at all and it surely wouldn't happen again, she insisted on it after having the second child.

I'm not even having sex so... yea. I have to take my birth control, it's what actually allows me to have a monthly. Without the stuff it only happened once, maybe twice a year. Basically it was the weight that caused it to happen. I don't know how severe a case that person was, and I know my mom's case was very minimal and basically fixed itself after having kids. But with how bad my case is even if I did get pregnant it would most likely miscarry. I have to be diligent already so I don't see it happening.

Edited September 15, 2013 by Cecona

[mugrum]

I also prefer to be single.

I do not see a reason why EVERYONE must be married/taken and have children. The world population is just too big and I have enough stress in my like without a child running around, ignoring its mother and a husband who either sits on the couch watching rugby or is away ALL freakin day. I do not want that and I never will. To everyone who thinks otherwise, bugger off and let us be, let us live our own lives and make our own choices about how we live it!.

[catstaff]

I'm not even having sex so... yea. I have to take my birth control, it's what actually allows me to have a monthly. Without the stuff it only happened once, maybe twice a year. Basically it was the weight that caused it to happen. I don't know how severe a case that person was, and I know my mom's case was very minimal and basically fixed itself after having kids. But with how bad my case is even if I did get pregnant it would most likely miscarry. I have to be diligent already so I don't see it happening.

Well, I'm not her, so I don't know all the details. But she'd told us on getting the diagnosis that it was a pretty severe case, she generally didn't get a monthly more than once every three months or so. She was told flat out that she'd probably never have kids between the reduced chances of getting pregnant in the first place, and the increased chance of miscarriage in the second.

 

I'd venture to guess that her case was something of a fluke, but yeah. I also watch stuff on TLC and Discovery and channels like that when I'm bored, and seems like a good quarter of the cases on the show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, were PCOS sufferers who'd been told years before that they could not become pregnant, full stop. So either they weren't careful about using birth control, or else they disregarded the occasional oops because they had their doctor's word that they couldn't become pregnant. And since they were used to going months at a stretch without a monthly anyway... they just never clued in.

 

Anyway, the point being, if it's your choice to be childless, that's great. Heck, I'll admit to occasionally being a little envious of my child-free friends. I just wanted to throw out a bit of a PSA about not thinking that a medical condition such as PCOS that makes it extremely difficult to get pregnant, will guaranteed keep you (general you) from becoming pregnant. That's all.

[octopi]

I'm still pretty young so I can't say I have much experience in this kind of thing but...

 

It bothers me too when people are like that. My mom keeps talking about what she'd do if I had kids even though I've made it very clear that I don't plan to and it's not nearly as bad as it could be but it's still annoying sometimes :I

 

I think if people actually start bothering me about that I'd just tell them bluntly that I don't plan on getting married or having children, that this is an informed decision on my part, and that I don't appreciate it when people try to change my mind because of what they think "should" happen. If they keep going, I can safely ignore them, knowing that they're just some idiot who is trying very hard to push opinions onto me. But then again I'm really good at ignoring people so I'm not sure if that'd work for anyone else.

[BlitzDrake]

Ugh. I found the perfect thing to actually speak my mind in. Those of you with the parents who *don't* tell you or ask you about having kids are really lucky . I've been harped on incessantly by my mother about how if I don't want kids I'm just being selfish and I'm not considering my "bf's feelings". I'm just....dude...wtf. First off, I'm fairly certain he respects my views. Or even better, if you're in a relationship where one wants kids and the other does REALLY gets so serious as a "I won't love you if you don't have kids" you might wanna reconsider what love it. Or even better, when my mother goes on an prints out a 12 page article on why people should have kids (from a Christain perspective, going out and being fruitful otherwise if you don't you're disrespecting god.)

I just "love" going to school and people asking me how many kids I'm going to have. And in the past, saying you hate children, have no desire to care for them, say you're sanity would drop and put you in a mental hospital didn't make people leave me alone. As they would just say "Oh you'll change your mind".

Edited September 15, 2013 by BlightWyvern

[Pokemonfan13]

Yea, some people just don't get that just because you were born with a uterus doesn't mean you're the type of person who even wants kids, let alone can handle them.

 

[general "you"]

 

Personally, I wish they'd take mine out. Probably should have mentioned it when they removed my gall bladder. x3

Edited September 15, 2013 by Pokemonfan13

[Cecona]

Well, I'm not her, so I don't know all the details. But she'd told us on getting the diagnosis that it was a pretty severe case, she generally didn't get a monthly more than once every three months or so. She was told flat out that she'd probably never have kids between the reduced chances of getting pregnant in the first place, and the increased chance of miscarriage in the second.

 

I'd venture to guess that her case was something of a fluke, but yeah. I also watch stuff on TLC and Discovery and channels like that when I'm bored, and seems like a good quarter of the cases on the show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, were PCOS sufferers who'd been told years before that they could not become pregnant, full stop. So either they weren't careful about using birth control, or else they disregarded the occasional oops because they had their doctor's word that they couldn't become pregnant. And since they were used to going months at a stretch without a monthly anyway... they just never clued in.

 

Anyway, the point being, if it's your choice to be childless, that's great. Heck, I'll admit to occasionally being a little envious of my child-free friends. I just wanted to throw out a bit of a PSA about not thinking that a medical condition such as PCOS that makes it extremely difficult to get pregnant, will guaranteed keep you (general you) from becoming pregnant. That's all.

I appreciate the help, but I'm well informed and know that I shouldn't miss a day but I'm not even having sex nor do I really see myself finding someone I will want to have sex with in the near future. And I think that doctors are required to tell women with PCOS that they have an unlikely chance of getting pregnant because that is one of the basic side effects of having PCOS. The body basically makes cysts instead of eggs, and without fully, properly developed eggs there is no baby. With medicine though, the body is able to make eggs and such because the hormones are being balanced so yea it is possible for women who have an active sex life to end up pregnant if they miss a pill. But like I said, not sexually active.

[Stromboli]

Meh. I'd like to be in a relationship, but I just don't know that time and my life situation allows for that right now.

As for kids... I don't think I'd be likely to volunteer the option of having any. And if my partner wanted any, I'd probably push for adoption. Partially because 80% of the things involved in pregnancy scare the heck out of me, and the otehr 20% gross me out like woah.

But my family's never pushed my brothers, my cousins, or me to settle down and start producing grandkids. And none of us are proving to be particularly promising on that front, either. We're a whole can of single pringles in this generation.

[BlitzDrake]

Aside from my own personal reasons (lockiophobic, etc, etc) I also fail to want to contribute to the overpopulation problem.