Single and child free by choice

[sparkle10184]

I probably won't ever have kids. People are always shocked when I tell them that I don't like babies (another shocker!) and I could adopt an older child, but, this is going to most likely sound selfish, I feel like I have better things to spend money on and do with my life. Eh, kids just ain't my game!

[Brotato]

I probably won't ever have kids. People are always shocked when I tell them that I don't like babies (another shocker!) and I could adopt an older child, but, this is going to most likely sound selfish, I feel like I have better things to spend money on and do with my life. Eh, kids just ain't my game!

"Shame on you, for not wanting to spend your hard earned money and for being unwilling to subject yourself to the mental and physical tortures of having and properly raising a child, to fulfill the expectations forced upon you by society!"

 

 

..sarcasm FTW. You're not alone on this.

I can't stand little kids either.

Live your life!

Edited November 12, 2014 by Brotato

[King_Max_Cat]

I can't stand little kids either.

Live your life!

Eh, I can handle little kids - some of them are OK. Just as long as they're not my own though! So I can come home to a nice, quiet apartment, full of easily breakable things....ahhhhhh.

 

But yeah. So many reasons I can think of not to have kids.

 

I have a question for the thread though! Does anyone else sort of think of pregnancy like the movie Alien? You know....you're "infected" with this....thing....and it grows inside your body, a lot like a parasite, slowly stealing your nutrients/etc....and then, once it gets big enough, it busts out of you, ripping flesh and spilling blood all the way. They just seem like really similar experiences to me.

 

*shudder* bleehhh....

[LaHaine]

No, I don't like kids. I have to fake being interested when someone shows me their baby to look "normal". I still remember the weird looks I got from classmates when I refused to hold my friend's baby sister...

 

I don't know, my grandma and my mom both had to raise their kids by themselves and went through many hardships to support them. I just can't see myself going through that, I want to live life at my own pace... I don't think I can take care of someone else

[Mondat]

Single and child free by choice, what's wrong with not wanting a family?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. There is also absolutely nothing wrong with being swingers and living with 4 other married or unmarried couples in a large house and taking care of your what, 16 children together - as long as you are happy and nobody gets hurt.

 

I have been asked all the typical questions and have heard all the silly things people could try to tell you. My former best friend who turned into a stranger who could not take time for her friends anymore once she met this idiot telling me "but having children is a great responsibility and wonderful, it is a life work and fulfilling" (good for her!)...sexist old Japanese men telling me "but you´re not that young anymore, you should hurry getting children!"

I have seen their looks, judging me without saying anything. Because having a vagina = I should breed!

 

And you know what? I just do not respond to that crap anymore. I´ve started to treat these situations the same way I treat Japanese strangers who try to talk to me (uh, no, men holler at me) in bad English on the streets because I am a foreigner (and appear female).

 

After years of "defending" myself I have finally learned that I do not need to justify myself for choices regarding my personal life. If they ask their questions and I do not respond & they keep being nosy I just say: "I do not have to justify myself for my choices nor state any reasons why I feel things my way. It is none of your business."

Edited November 14, 2014 by Mondat

[Draikette]

It all comes down to the fact that it's a choice.

I don't want kids and have been single for a while because hey, it's just not for me.

A girlfriend may be nice but oh well. *shrug*

[ishlia]

I never liked the majority of the Humankind and their children even when I was a child. We either abuse or wast our over developed abilities, acting like an abomination. I don't want to add another one to our number. Been demand again and again by all sorts of people on having something I don't want, don't care, or feel disgusted with simply makes me want to do bad things . And I don't want to be chained by marriage either. People demand both of those a lot around here.

Edited November 15, 2014 by ishlia

[ishlia]

sexist old Japanese men telling me "but you´re not that young anymore, you should hurry getting children!"

Haha, this happens a lot in our good ol' Asian culture that almost become everyday-life. Ignore them is the right thing to do.

[shadowfighter]

I've always wanted to get married, and if I do have kids, (I may not due to genetic abnormalities) I want to adopt. Maybe have kids of my own, but there are so many children without families. But thats just me

[Trope]

I'm 26 and single by choice. I'm a rather selfish person and very materialistic. I'm also friendly and open towards everyone I meet (both males and females) which causes a lot of people to think I'm just in denial. Since I'm good with people, I must obviously want a relation and children of my own.

 

What people do not know is that I'm introvert, need my alone time and don't handle unexpected situations well. I also do not like sharing and looking out for someone else. I snap when someone tries to hover over my shoulder or give me advice when I've not asked for it myself. Most of all, I hate people who try to a. help by introducing me to someone or b. see what kind of childhood trauma is now clouding my vision because I am Not Normal.

 

There is a guy who has been trying for over a year to get me to go on a date with him. For him, it's become an obsession. People are also still encouraging him because - according to them - I'm secretly head over heels for the guy. No means yes and all that.

 

Me? I'm plotting the perfect murder. I think I almost have it.

 

So no. No relation for me and most certainly no children for me. I'll stick with computers and cats.

Edited November 16, 2014 by Trope

[ishlia]

There is a guy who has been trying for over a year to get me to go on a date with him. For him, it's become an obsession.

This happened to me too. When he couldn't get the things he want, he created bad words about me all over the place. Some male in estrus just has their brain damaged.

[Stromboli]

This article has started floating around tumblr and Facebook. I dunno, but people telling me that I should be getting married right now makes me even less interested in getting married right now?

 

Hey Young People: Now's the Time to Get Married and Have Kids

 

The straight white male perspective is so strong on this one as well.

[edwardelricfreak]

Warning! Wall of Text inbound!

 

This article has started floating around tumblr and Facebook. I dunno, but people telling me that I should be getting married right now makes me even less interested in getting married right now?

 

Hey Young People: Now's the Time to Get Married and Have Kids

 

The straight white male perspective is so strong on this one as well.

I will admit that the age the writer says is when he got married is the age I would start to consider marriage and maybe even do it if the conditions are right for me. Though, I still don't think I would have kids yet then (or ever).

 

I think it's a good thing that we aren't all going off and getting married young. There's really no need to. This point in time, more people are focused on school and traveling the world and making advancements in technology- and more times than not a family only slows them down. Nuclear families are becoming a thing of the past (and even then they weren't the most common, just the most "correct" and "accepted" form :\).

 

But anyway, let's pick apart this post:

Rejecting an institution that is integral to our advancement as a species; that will be our legacy.

Wait, what's integral about marriage??? Why do we NEED marriage? Why can't a couple just be happy and live together without needing rings and contracts to prove something? The ONLY reason I would want to be married to my SO is because of the benefits.

 

But what about marriage is integral to the advancement of our species? That part I don't understand. If anyone would like to clarify, please do.

 

Maybe our kids — the dozen or so we collectively produce — will continue this process of self-destruction by being the first to voluntarily give up on water and oxygen.

I see a big 'slippery slope' fallacy here: for one thing, I fail to see how not engaging in marriage (at a young age or otherwise) is self-destructive, and it's compared to a situation that's absolutely ridiculous without a severe evolutionary change OR technological alteration/substitution.

 

I assume the writer says it's "self-destructive" under the assumption that only married people have (or at least want/will have) children. It's fully possible to NOT be married and still have kids and even be a happy, well-sustained family!

 

I implore you, friends, don’t be afraid of marriage.

Assumes those who aren't getting married are somehow "afraid" of it.

 

Look, I’ve been young and single. In fact, I’ve been more single than many of you, as I lived completely on my own — no roommates or live-in girlfriends — for the first five years of my twenties. And I’ve also been young and married with kids and responsibilities. If I could choose between the two, I’d take young and married every time, without a doubt.

Good for you, buddy! Not everyone is like you. Not everyone prefers being with others or wants children, be it for medical, mental, or other personal reasons.

 

You won’t hear this from very many people anymore, but this is my advice: get married young. Have kids.

I'd rather focus my younger years on going to school, networking, getting a job, getting a house, and otherwise establishing myself. While a family may not necessarily prevent that, it *will* slow me down. It's more mouths to feed, more money to spend, more time to invest in something that isn't establishing myself and learning.

 

And amazingly, not everyone wants kids. Kids would definitely slow me down like crazy. I'm NOT ready to handle that. I can barely take care of myself. I'm not too great with children to begin with. I can't handle the possibility of ending up with a rebellious/suicidal/homicidal/whatever else child that will eat up more than just money and resources, but be taxing on my mental, physical, and emotional health.

 

Don’t be scared of growing up.

Assuming that being married and having kids = growing up/being an adult, AND that I'm somehow "scared" of it (well, in some ways I am terrified of having to go out in the world, but marrying+having kids does NOT mean I'll be a grown up any more than anything else, really.

 

Most people are supposed to venture out into the world and start families while they are still young and full of life and energy.

 

Most people. I didn’t say all. I didn’t say every. I didn’t say there aren’t exceptions or that people don’t have different vocations and callings in life. I said most. As a fundamental, general principle, human beings shouldn’t wait until they’re 35 or 40 to start a family. That’s what our twenties are for.

*Excuse* you? "I didn't say every"- no, you didn't, but you are bigoted in shoving YOUR belief that our youth is *MEANT FOR* starting a family. Sure, you don't think everyone feels that calling, but you're claiming that, essentially, we're supposed to be doing that, whether we feel that calling or not.

 

Besides, every day I see a link on Facebook to ridiculous clickbait websites like Elite Daily or Thought Catalog, explaining the ’30 Things You Should Try in Your Twenties,’ or some such nonsense, and the list always includes traveling, partying, and hanging out at bars.

 

What do all of these things have in common?

 

They cost money. A lot of it, actually. We don’t get married or have kids because we ‘can’t afford it,’ but we certainly don’t let our limited finances get in the way of our recreational activities. And we definitely won’t allow our minimal income to prevent us from collecting all of the latest Apple products.

 

We can’t afford to be spouses and parents, but we can sure afford to be extremely active consumers.

I do have to say, he's right, it doesn't have to cost much money to be married (though most of the time the ring and the wedding reception do eat up *tons* of money) and those other activities certainly cost more. BUT there's a huge key difference in the act of marriage and those recreational activities:

 

The recreational activities are all for the experience and networking, two HUGE factors in establishing yourself in *anything*. And while marriage itself doesn't necessarily have to stop those activities or otherwise get in the way of them, this article already has the assumption that being married is the lead up to having kids- and children are DEFINITELY the most resource-intensive things out there. Divorce can also be a nasty business that can be quite expensive for at least one of the parties involved.

 

very few people can claim they ‘don’t have the money’ to do important things. It’s not a matter of a lack of resources at all — it’s a matter of jumbled priorities.

Implying marriage is an "important thing" and that networking and experience isn't. You know what my priorities are, even if I'm a little lacking on the over-motivational side of things? School. A job. A home of my own. Doing everything I can and want to do with friends and my current boyfriend before deciding on settling down anywhere (and even then I don't want to totally settle!). I want to experience as much as I can- go to parties, travel with friends, meet people- before anything else.

 

Neither do kids, incidentally. I know economists like to assign completely arbitrary cost figures to raising kids — I think it’s over a quarter million dollars now — but I can tell you unequivocally that it’s all nonsense. My parents raised six kids. By these calculations, they would have plunked down around 1.5 million dollars throughout my childhood.

 

They didn’t. Not even close. In fact, there are many large families out there who manage to survive and thrive on solidly lower-middle class incomes. It’s not magic. It’s just a matter of controlling your impulses and exercising a little discipline.

Last I checked, yes they do. Children are extra mouths to feed, extra bodies to clothe, extra people to *take care of*. They can get sick a lot easier than I do. They can have fatal allergies that make getting a vaccination out of the question, or make buying certain foods hard. And let's not get started on how much a rebellious child can cost in damages/bail or even a handicapped or special needs child can be.

 

These families are usually also always poor throughout their life because they have to take care of so many people. Generally they have to buy the cheapest *everything* just to scrape by. They have to make some scraps of food last a month between 4+ people. That's not living. That's surviving. That's not dying. The only way it is "living" is the bare minimum of breathing and sustaining.

 

I'll tell ya what kind of impulse control and discipline you could take: not having kids when you're not ready! There's a whole lot to sexual education and planned parenthood beyond abstinence or the bare minimum of condoms and/or birth control pills, but that's for another discussion.

 

A great many Millennials came of age in this kind of tumultuous, spiritually violent environment. Having seen nothing but failed marriages and bitter divorces — having never witnessed a healthy, stable, married life — they’ve become incredibly jaded.

 

Marriage is misery, they think, and I can’t blame them for feeling that way. Still, it’s about time they come to understand that their parents made choices. They chose to have that kind of marriage.

 

You do not have to make the same choice.

 

You are not your parents.

 

You have seen a bad marriage, now go and make a better one.

Please please PLEASE do NOT try to assume how I or anyone else who grew up then feels, or try to sympathize and say how "terrible" our lives were because we didn't have the "perfect nuclear family". It is *incredibly* patronizing and makes me want to vomit.

 

I'm not my parents. I don't plan on doing what they've done. But I also don't plan on doing everything they *didn't* do, one of those being marriage. I don't plan on getting married because I want to show up anyone else's marriage.

 

I don't think marriage is misery. I don't think parenthood is misery. I am NOT jaded! I'm not in denial. These are simply things I don't want for MY life (at least right now and the near future) because I want to live my life free of all of that. I want to carve my own path.

 

 

Marriage is about experiencing life with your spouse by your side.

Why can't I just do that WITHOUT being married??? Why can't my SO and I just experience life by each others' sides first???

 

There’s a very basic and very lethal flaw in the “I’ll get married once everything is perfect in my life” philosophy. Actually, two.

 

First, nothing will ever be perfect. Sorry.

I can accept that nothing is perfect. I don't think it will ever BE perfect- however! I *do* think it's a hell of a lot more responsible to feel at least *somewhat* ready. I want to have some things established beforehand, like having a job, having known my SO for a few *years*, having a car, having my own home, and also having lived with my SO for at LEAST a year.

 

Second, a big advantage to marriage is that it gives you the wonderful opportunity to traverse the peaks and valleys of life with your husband or wife beside you.

Again, WHY DO I HAVE TO BE MARRIED??? Why can't I experience life alongside my SO without EVER BEING MARRIED???

 

Maybe this is another reason behind the divorce epidemic. We don’t go into marriage prepared to meet any serious challenges because we think we’re supposed to wait until all of those challenges have passed. But they’re never gone for good, so when they inevitably reappear we start looking for the nearest exit. “Hey! What is this — an obstacle? I didn’t sign up for this!”

This is exactly why I'd rather WAIT to marry until after I've established a bunch of things and feel ready- to avoid divorce as much as possible. I don't want to marry someone willy-nilly- I want to know that we're compatible, that I can live with them without wanting to murder them every other day, that I know we can sustain ourselves without much, if any, outside help. It's not so much obstacles I want to avoid- if we get into a situation where we're stressing over bills or some other obstacle that comes with living together, I'm not going to take it on the other person by divorcing them. The only reason I would divorce someone is if it just becomes impossible to live with them because they refuse to contribute at all and I feel I'm carrying a dead weight, or we both simply agree that we no longer feel any urge to be together and want to go our separate ways.

 

But those who want to back out at the FIRST sign of trouble should have thought about it more beforehand before jumping into married life. Look before you leap and all that.

 

Youth is a gift.

 

...With youth comes health, energy, endurance, and vitality. These are good things; they give us purpose and promise in our younger years.

 

The question is how do we use these gifts? Or, more importantly, who do we give these gifts to?

 

Do we keep them to ourselves? Do we use them to become more passionate consumers, more fervent video game players, and more enthusiastic bar patrons? Do we devote them entirely to our employer in the name of being more perfect servants to our corporate masters? Or do we give them to our spouse and then to our children?

 

Which is the most worthy and worthwhile cause?

Implying that having a spouse + children is more worthwhile than any other cause.

 

I completely think we should always keep our youth to ourselves. It's OUR youth, so sorry that I don't want to waste it on someone else and would rather do what *I* want. It's also implied that those things are the only things a youthful person ever wants to do.

 

I don't want to waste my youth on children that will only age me faster with all of the stress they can cause.

 

On a related note, Facebook and Apple recently announced an exciting new health benefit: they’ll pay to have their female employees’ eggs frozen so that the women on their payroll can concentrate on attending meetings and doing their boss’ bidding without worrying about any pesky children showing up and getting in the way.

This is honestly AMAZING and I'm so glad it's being done. Personally I wouldn't mind having some eggs frozen and just donating the rest! Gives me one less painful thing to worry about month to month.

 

Feminists have called this empowerment, but I think we can call it another cultural nadir.

You better damn well believe it's empowerment. A man, or rather, people without fertile uteruses do not have to worry about becoming pregnant and having to go through 8-10 months of life-risking pregnancy. I'm not going to go into details right now because that, again, is another argument, but pregnancy has the potential to be an incredibly physically, mentally and emotionally taxing process that risks the uterus-bearer's as well as the child's life.

 

We have sunken so low that now we treat children as leftovers, storing the ingredients in the freezer, hoping to come back to them at a more convenient time.

Gee, so sorry that I want to live MY life. Why should I take care of someone else when I can barely take care of myself? It's not that I don't want children because I hate them- if I don't have the time for them or otherwise don't want them *now* I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE PRESSURED INTO HAVING THEM NOW.

 

It’s crazy. And I mean really crazy, especially now that we’ve started removing body parts in order to ensure that kids don’t spoil our chances of climbing into the next tax bracket.

Is it so hard to believe that NOT EVERYONE WANTS CHILDREN?

 

Our world is crowded enough as it is. If I want a child, I can adopt. Removing a body part does not prevent me from having children if I want one. The adoption system is incredibly messed up; it could use all the help it can get in getting those kids out of there.

 

This is the kind of behavior that our ancestors would look upon with pure bewilderment and disgust.

 

I know how they feel.

Then you can take your bigoted opinions and get out of my sight. You've now fallen to shaming those who don't want to live as you do, as if we're some kind of disease.

 

Family life is edifying.

Ooh, getting into morality business here.

 

It sure can be- for some. I realize the writer claims he's not talking about everyone, but he's stated before that, though it's not everyone's calling, it's something that we "should do" anyway. And now, the implications are that those who choose to not start families are somehow less moral or not as moral and intellectual as they could potentially be.

 

But, at their essence, families are built and held together through sacrificial love, and this is something that can — if you give yourself over to it — sanctify you and bring you closer to God.

I was WAITING for the moment religion was brought into this article. And at this point, I'm not even surprised it was. In my eyes, I don't care if someone marries and has a family for religious reasons- so long as it's not the ONLY reason. You shouldn't marry for God, Allah, Ra, Zeus, or anyone other than you and your spouse. Not even children. In fact, marriages only done or sustained for the sake of children are some of the most damaging.

 

I also just want to say that why 'sacrificial' love??? Am I sacrificing myself or my family somehow? A relationship should not be about giving in and having to sacrifice anything. Both sides need to give and take and help build, not give in and have to make sacrifices all the time.

 

 

When you pour your energies and efforts into serving and loving your spouse, raising your children, and guiding your family, you’ll find that, inevitably, you grow and mature in the process.

But why do I need to be married to have any of that?

 

Certainly, live-in girlfriends and boyfriends are no replacement for the commitment, sacrifice, and profound love of a family joined together through the sacrament of marriage.

But why not? What difference does a ring and some paper make? Why can't I have a deeply-fulfilling relationship with my SO without being married? What makes MARRIED life so much better- no, so much more CORRECT and MORAL than NOT being married???

 

You aren’t fated to love any particular person. You choose to love them, and when you marry them you reaffirm that choice every day, forever, until death do you part. There’s nothing written in the stars.

This is exactly the reason I don't want to marry willy-nilly. And why bother needing to marry at all to reaffirm such a choice?

 

Biology is a thing.

I actually laughed at this because of how unspecific it is. Why yes, it is a thing! It seems you're trying to avoid saying "sex happens". Hey, it's okay, you can say sex. Sex is a natural biological function. But maybe you didn't mean sex? There are a lot of other things this statement could have meant: urination, defecation, mastication, digestion- all natural things! Biology could also mean plants, animals, or other living organisms and their functions. But I'm going to assume he means sex given what this article's topic is.

 

Now, I ain’t no scientist or nothin’, but I’m pretty sure there is a limited period of time when a woman can naturally conceive children. I think, at the very least, we ought to take this as a strong hint that it isn’t necessarily advisable to save having a family for the precise point in our lives when having a family is potentially physically impossible.

 

And even before it becomes impossible, it becomes increasingly risky as women get older. I’m not saying that women in their late 30′s shouldn’t have kids, only that it’s usually not the best strategy to wait until then to start trying.

This is exactly why the ability to freeze eggs and sperm as well as adoption are all very empowering. BECAUSE we have a limited time. We don't necessarily have to birth the children.

 

Our fertility is not a disease. Our biology is not a mistake. Our bodies definitely have an opinion about when we should start making a family, and I think we should probably listen.

Then we probably shouldn't be taking any medicine or vaccinations, or trying to wear glasses or braces or anything. Shouldn't we just let life run its course? If our bodies fall ill to some terrible fatal disease, then it should be our time to go. Our biology isn't a mistake, unless you count genetic "mistakes" such as infertility, disease, mutations, etc.

 

It’ll be the best adventure of your life.

Not necessarily. It could be the worst. But you say it with such assurance that I feel like it's okay to blame you if I do it and it turns out you were wrong.

 

We’re young. We’re risk takers. Thrill seekers. We’re bold and ambitious. We’re the strivers, the dreamers, the fighters, the revolutionaries.

I think this is exactly the reason to put off family-making! This is the time to explore ourselves, each other, and the world. This is the time to focus on creating a better future for not just our descendants, but for the planet as a whole. We need those dreamers and revolutionaries NOW, not in ten years after they've settled down and have a family they need to look after.

 

 

So if you really want to do something bold and beautiful with your youth — love someone, commit to them, have kids, forge a place in this world for you and your family. You can go stare at buildings in Europe and walk across sandy beaches on the Pacific, but none of those experiences will teach you more about yourself and the world than staring into someone’s eyes and saying “I do,” or holding your child and swearing silently to God that you will gladly die for this little being in your arms.

How do YOU know that??? Maybe my fulfillment WILL be when I walk across some sandy beach.

 

...and I'm not going to swear to anyone but myself that I'll protect anyone, thank you. What good will swearing to God do? Why do I need to make that promise to Him or anyone else?

 

 

I think we’re capable of great things.

 

And there’s nothing greater than starting a family.

I think we're capable of great things, too, but starting a family is one of the most mundane, everyday things we can do. Why not, instead, create time machines or the cure for the deadliest of diseases or some other huge technological breakthrough? We've just landed on a comet. A COMET! Do you know how mind-blowing and amazing that really is? We could discover one of the possibilities for the beginning of life and all this writer wants is for everyone to start a family. A family might not get in the way of these advancements, but I wholeheartedly disagree when I think of the greatest things humanity can achieve.

 

Thank you for reading this huge wall of text.

[_Z_]

You know life is full of choices, we have the choice to choose a path in life. Never expect having children will fix your life, they are a work in progress. Chose wisely and thoughtfully it is a forever decision not something to be taken on a whim.

[Starscream]

wow, what a... peabrain. I skimmed your post edwardelricfreak. That person is a self-righteous-bigoted-scrapheap.

 

I say if people can wait to get their lives in order, set down a good foundation to raise children, if they choose, at a later date, then more power to them. They and their family should enjoy a better life and quality of life than those who pop out kids left right and centre and have to rely on handouts and foodbanks.

 

I have been mighty glad I did not have children because this year has been the hardest in 17 in regards to income - I finished college then due to a sudden death of a family member during the last month of school, was thrown behind, late getting a job, I could not find one for a while. And I had NO money for food. I had NO ingredients to make any meals. What food I had I gave my spouse so he had energy to work. With children we'd be even more up the creek.

 

It’ll be the best adventure of your life.

LOL, yeah, NO. It probably has been the best in their life. Not mine. I can't stand babies. They really freak me out.

 

In general Marriage is a choice that is either here or there. For the most part, legal benefits to being married. Marriage allowed me to keep the man I was interested in in the country. Because I was married to him, it allowed him to extend his visa and get a permanent resident status. That meant I could be with him. I did not have to get married, but he would have had to leave when his visa expired. In our case marriage was in our best interest.

 

I have had arguments with people who say that my husband and I are not a family. We are. Just because we don't have little bipedal critters (outside of a pigeon) running around does not make us less a family.

 

Second, a big advantage to marriage is that it gives you the wonderful opportunity to traverse the peaks and valleys of life with your husband or wife beside you.

LOL. you can do that with a good friend too. Even your pet.

 

For me, I think it boils down to that I am selfish. I do not want to lose my freedom, have to over supervise kids or be called a bad parent for not. I want to have my things, enjoy my things without a child ruining it for me. Yeah could call that selfish. How do I phrase this... I do not want children to suffer because of my own desires.

 

In a nut shell, Youth is for living the way you want to live. With children, or Child free. In the end that ultimate discussion is yours and yours alone and no bigoted nut job can force you to do so.

[Wahya]

It's nice to see the CFBC community is active and represented here

 

I'm not single, though I've been single for the majority of my life. I wouldn't mind getting married, but if I don't, it's not like I'm going to die from it. So for me, that could go either way. Currently, I care deeply for my boyfriend and hope we get to spend the rest of our lives together.

 

That being said, I've known since I was around 7 I didn't want children. I've never actually wanted kids. I have no drive for them, no passion for them. In fact, they repulse me. However, I'd never hurt a child, and I'd do anything I could to protect one in danger (just like like I would for adults in the same situation). I think it's a silly stigma that most CFBC individuals hate kids and want to hurt them. I strongly dislike them, but would never think of harming a child.

 

Luckily, my boyfriend is on the exact same page. He has two kids already, and doesn't want any more. As soon as he gets adequate health insurance he plans on getting a vasectomy (and I had nothing to do with this decision - he was going to do so before he met me - which is something I respect; I can't stress enough that sterilization is a decision an individual should make by themselves for themselves without any influences from other parties [unless of course they seek information/opinions]). I'm pretty sure I'm still going to be sterilized myself (both for extra protection, and because unfortunately rape is all to common, and a risk where I live).

 

Everyone has the right to live their lives the way they want to (within reason - i.e. as long as they aren't harming anyone), without other parties making them feel guilty/sinful/wrong. I don't understand why so many people feel they have the right to control the lives of others. It's moronic.

 

So, to everyone out there, make decisions concerning your life for yourself, not because of what others tell you is right/acceptable/expected! You have a brain capable of making informed decisions and intelligent deductions

[Brotato]

This article has started floating around tumblr and Facebook. I dunno, but people telling me that I should be getting married right now makes me even less interested in getting married right now?

 

Hey Young People: Now's the Time to Get Married and Have Kids

 

The straight white male perspective is so strong on this one as well.

Well, I just read a sales pitch for marriage!

...excuse me, I need to go vacate my stomach.

Edited November 21, 2014 by Brotato

[C88]

I am certain that I will never want children. The idea of carrying around something feeding off of me around for 9 months is absolutely repulsive to me. I do not have the patience nor the tolerance for children, and if I somehow became pregnant I would likely abort. If you don't want children, don't let anybody tell you otherwise. It is your body, you and you alone decide what you want to do with it. My mother says she is fine with me getting an abortion if I am absolutely sure, and I doubt she would harass me about having children. When I am older I will likely try to get sterilized, just in case something awful happens. Live how you want, don't let others bother you

[savorysaige]

Right now I don't want kids. I have an affinity for them, so later in life I may change my mind. But for right now I prefer to babysit other people's kids. I adore my nephew to bits. But I am not in a place to be responsible for a child's whole future. Maybe someday I'll adopt. I definitely don't want to pass my genes along and I also find pregnancy repulsive and horribly inconvenient.

 

But I digress. For now I am fine exploring my sexuality until I maybe find the right person and raising cats instead of small humans.

Edited January 8, 2015 by Seraphinu

[Dauntingale]

Pretty sure I don't want kids. I'm a career-type person, and I don't really want the extra hassle because I know kids require a LOT of attention. Maybe I'll change my mind when I'm older. My partner is fine with it either way for the most part.

[LupaWulf]

One thing that surprises me is how many men out there are obsessed with having kids. I don't date men who even think they want kids, it's a waste of time on both of our part.

 

For a whole I was with a guy who has primary custody of his son. His son was 10 when we got together, and a teen when we split. The reason we split was not the kiddo. We are still friends.

 

 

But that being said, I wouldn't do it again.

[Banyanpan]

I honestly don't understand why people seem to think everyone should get married and have children.

People are all different, what's wrong with someone not wanting to do those things? Not because they can't, but because they don't want to. Why try to force it on them?

 

I personally want to have kids someday, but seriously. What's wrong with not wanting to?

[AnanoKimi]

I find it annoying and occasionally disrespectful when people hear that I am 24 (almost 25 and unmarried with no kids. They ask why not? and I sit here like "Why?"

 

I can barely feed my self and my family (Mom and lil brother) why am I going to take on the extreme responsibility of not only creating another mouth but raising it, clothing it, and just raising a baby is so expensive!

 

No thank you. I want to wait until I have a much more stable job or at least for my boyfriend to finish his civil air patrol and maybe get in air force like he wants or something that can make us enough money to support a family so I can stay at home and raise my baby. I want to be a stay at home mom if I have a baby, especially since my biggest dream is to have twins.

 

For now, I'm ok. Having babies can wait another couple of years and such.

[Twyro]

I think that it's wrong to set up life standards and goals that should be same for everyone. For example this - saying that people can't be happy unless they get married and have a family. Why should that be a rule?

Not all people are meant to live that way, not all people are obliged to find their happiness in a family. I think that it's up to us to choose our own happiness and create it in our lives ourselves. We didn't choose to be born, so why should we let others choose what our lives are going to be on behalf of us?

Some people are never responsible or patient enough to have children, some are not happy with just one person to be with their whole life. And in my opinion, it's much better to be alone and happy than miserable and trapped in a life you didn't want just because someone somewhere said that it's meant to be that way.

Maybe I'm meant to settle down and have a family someday, but now is not the time for me to even think about it. And if that is considered wrong by some people, I refuse to listen to other things they have to say. My life = my choices.

[lady_caetlyn]

I see nothing wrong with being single and child free, if that is what you want....(I personally am married with a child.)

 

I don't understand though how people can think that marriage and family automatically = adult, and single/unmarried with no children is not an adult. Marriage and family does not make you an adult...I've seen plenty of married couples with children who were so immature, and had no business having children and playing house.

 

I agree that it is wrong to set one standard for everyone. What is as annoying for me is when people keep asking me "are you going to have another one? When are you going to have another one?" For various reasons, one is enough right now...

 

People need to do what makes them happy, not what makes other people happy. I am in total agreement with Silver Fox. It's your life and your choice - live and let live. I have many friends who do not have children, and I totally respect their decisions.

 

AnanoKimi, I agree that it is disrespectful for them to at least be judgemental of you. Your reasons are valid ones, and even then its really nobody's business.