Gay Straight Alliance

[kitsune93]

That still sounds better than the sex ed I got.

It was glossed over briefly in my 9th grade Health class. Mostly it was just "there are terrible STIs and condoms don't work so wait till you're married like a good Catholic."

 

In 10th grade Religion class we talked about sex when we got to the unit on marriage. In this class it was "There are terrible STIs and condoms don't work so wait till you'e married like a good Catholic. Oh, and here are some pictures of herpes."

 

In 11th grade Religion class, which was called Morality, I probably got the best sex ed I ever got in that school. Yes, Morality class is where I got the best sex education. He told us the same basic stuff as the other two but he also talked about how conception actually happens and where babies come from. He was also the only teacher that said God won't hate you if you do have sex outside of marriage.

 

Things that were never mentioned in any sex ed I received: how any kind of sex actually works, anything about puberty or menstruation, anything about birth control other than "condoms don't work", that gay people exist, that trans people exist.

Edited May 1, 2015 by kitsune93

[FiveSix]

I think primary school sex ed just covered puberty which was OK I guess. My mum had already bought me a couple of decent books on the subject. The only good thing about puberty was getting taller.

 

Sex ed was pretty good at my secondary school - contraception, sex and STDs were covered properly in some combination of science, PE and PSHCE. We had someone in to talk about how gay and bi people exist and it's totally OK to not be straight, but I don't think transgender identites were brought up and asexuality certainly wasn't. They told us about a teenage sexual health advice/counselling service without religious attachments and were just generally pretty neutral about everything.

 

I'm 99% religion never came up in the whole thing, which is surprising because for a non-religious school they sure shoved a lot of Christianity into our brains in the compulsory weekly assemblies. It was a long time ago but mostly I remember the messages were along the lines of 'if you're gonna have sex you should totally use condoms regardless of other birth control, otherwise you will have all the diseases.'.

[Gsea]

Sex ed according to a central Florida public school:

4-5 grade: the puberty talk. Only girls get to learn about periods. "sperm + egg = baby"

6-7 grade: genitalia! STD's! Sex is boy genitals + girl genitals. Let's memorize the definition of vas deferens and label some diagrams kids. Herpes and AIDS!!

8th grade: ah yes, the students are Real Mature Teenagers now. So guys, here's a condom. Also there's a thing called anal sex and oral sex - we aren't going to educate you about them because we assume you already know from the internet. Don't have sex, don't get pregnant ever

High school: nothing at all ever

[sparkle10184]

Hearing about others' less-than-perfect sex ed experiences, I feel blessed that my sex ed in middle school was great. It was mandatory to take the class, we learned about all the contraceptives (condoms, pills, sponges, etc.) and how to use them, and we discussed gender and sexuality. We learned about STDs/STIs, but not in a "This will happen if you have sex so don't do it." Instead they explained the different types and how to prevent the spread of them through contraception and regular testing. We were even told where we could get condoms for free.

[Gsea]

Hearing about others' less-than-perfect sex ed experiences, I feel blessed that my sex ed in middle school was great. It was mandatory to take the class, we learned about all the contraceptives (condoms, pills, sponges, etc.) and how to use them, and we discussed gender and sexuality. We learned about STDs/STIs, but not in a "This will happen if you have sex so don't do it." Instead they explained the different types and how to prevent the spread of them through contraception and regular testing. We were even told where we could get condoms for free.

^^^ what all sex ed should be like!!

But I'm glad I didn't go to a school with any religious influence. Like at least we didn't get "and God will hate you" on top of "you will GET PREGNANT and GET HERPES"

I just wish so, so badly that one of my teachers had mentioned other sexualities AT ALL. I think it would have helped me so much. Then I wouldn't have had to discover my sexuality after reading about a lesbian crush in a novel. And I wouldn't have gone through a confusing (albeit short) period of time during which I was like "what is lesbian sex?? is it even real??"

 

edit;

I was just reminded of something sexuality-related that happened earlier! My science teacher is openly gay and luckily the LGBT+ population at my high school is pretty prominent, so everyone accepts him. And even more luckily, he's an awesome guy so not only is he just accepted, but we pretty much love him. Anyway, today he told us that the only time he's been truly angry with a student was when some kid told him "I don't have phagocytes, I have straight-o-cytes" (they were learning about the immune system & phagocytes are cells that engulf other, infected cells. Pronounced like the slur). So my teacher kicked him out of class and didn't speak to him for the rest of the year. This was at another school, years ago, and when he told us about it today I literally felt it like a blow to my heart because oh my god?? I just don't understand the need to make terrible jokes regarding slurs like that isn't exactly violent homophobia but it's still offensive like?? WHY use gay slurs to make a cheap pun?? it hurts me it physically hurts me THE IGNORANCE

Edited May 1, 2015 by glamoursea2

[ZontarZon]

edit;

I was just reminded of something sexuality-related that happened earlier! My science teacher is openly gay and luckily the LGBT+ population at my high school is pretty prominent, so everyone accepts him. And even more luckily, he's an awesome guy so not only is he just accepted, but we pretty much love him. Anyway, today he told us that the only time he's been truly angry with a student was when some kid told him "I don't have phagocytes, I have straight-o-cytes" (they were learning about the immune system & phagocytes are cells that engulf other, infected cells. Pronounced like the slur). So my teacher kicked him out of class and didn't speak to him for the rest of the year. This was at another school, years ago, and when he told us about it today I literally felt it like a blow to my heart because oh my god?? I just don't understand the need to make terrible jokes regarding slurs like that isn't exactly violent homophobia but it's still offensive like?? WHY use gay slurs to make a cheap pun?? it hurts me it physically hurts me THE IGNORANCE

One time in my Art CP class my sophomore year my table of about four other people started talking about sex (the art teacher was super cool and let us talk about whatever we want) and I explained to them that I was asexual. Then this one girl at the table started talking down to me and literally said WORD-BY-WORD "You don't have the right to talk about sex."

 

Oh really now? Am I not human? Am I not allowed to talk about religion because I'm nonreligious? Am I not allowed to talk about gender because I'm agender? Am I not allowed to talk about beef because I don't eat it?

 

A lack of participation does not mean I can't have a point of view on the topic. To this day I still fume about how she demeaned me publicly in that classroom with no second thoughts.

 

I really feel for that teacher of yours though. If people down here in SC find out that there's an openly gay/lesbian teacher they will do everything in their power to get that person fired and/or not send their kids to that school. And sadly I have an old friend from high school who is openly gay and attending a university for a history teaching license. He also wants to work in SC. It will be so rough down the road for him...

[InugamiZERO]

glamoursea2's post reminded me of this joke I made in high school once

 

so in my high school the girls would always go to the bathroom together and all the guys would make jokes about them making out, some would go so far as saying they were having sex, and no one had an issue with this

so in one English class two guys (they were friends, meaning they get into trouble together) asked to go to the bathroom at the same time and the teacher said no, one could go after the other and the guys asked why they both couldn't go together and I answered (without thinking) the question by saying that they were afraid of you two making out in the bathroom

the entire class got so offended (as if I had gone on some slur filled rant) and the teacher told me that that's not alright

 

I seriously hate double standards

[Shienvien]

I wish people would stop using the word "phobia" for unjustified acts of hatred. It is everything but phobia - phobia is pathological fear. Medical condition that can send a person into severe panic attack. Comparing senseless hatred to that is unjustified.

[Meg_752]

Hey guys! Figured I'd stop by here and say hi!

I'm Meg, and I'm either cis- or agender- female, and am demi-heteromantic asexual.

 

I may have to come back here, since I was reading through the tread and there were some pretty interesting discussions.

[kitsune93]

I wish people would stop using the word "phobia" for unjustified acts of hatred. It is everything but phobia - phobia is pathological fear. Medical condition that can send a person into severe panic attack. Comparing senseless hatred to that is unjustified.

This.

Someone who's homophobic isn't afraid of gay people, they're just ***s.

 

[Obscure_Trash]

I honestly don't mind -phobia anymore because the terms are so popularized now. We know what they mean. There's not anyone out there getting them confused for fear/phobias. Using -phobia doesn't dull the meaning of other phobias.

 

But if you're looking for alternatives there's:

heterosexism (umbrella term for bigotry against queer folk)

monosexism (term for the bigotry multisexual people face for being multisexual)

cissexism (umbrella term for bigotry against nonbinary people)

transmisogyny (term for the bigotry that trans women face)

binarism (more specific term for the bigotry nonbinary poc face for identifying as genders that colonialism wiped out or tainted ex. the Native two spirit identity)

[ZontarZon]

I wish people would stop using the word "phobia" for unjustified acts of hatred. It is everything but phobia - phobia is pathological fear. Medical condition that can send a person into severe panic attack. Comparing senseless hatred to that is unjustified.

I had to be treated for thanatophobia by systematic desensitization. My phobia ate up my entire life for two unbearable years.

 

You don't know fear until you wake up every night in a sweat and occasionally see hallucinations of your fear going after you. (In my case, the grim reaper)

 

Phobias are no laughing matter. Even after the treatment is completed that kind of mental scarring lingers. I stupidly went to a funeral about a year after my desensitization... and almost had a relapse. I got a panic attack and had to be escorted out.

 

Every time someone is like "Yeah, I have arachnophobia, spiders creep me out" or something equally absurd I can't help but think to myself "You have no freakin' idea what fear is..."

 

I back up your argument on "homophobia" in its modern definition.

[Gsea]

I honestly don't mind -phobia anymore because the terms are so popularized now. We know what they mean. There's not anyone out there getting them confused for fear/phobias. Using -phobia doesn't dull the meaning of other phobias.

 

But if you're looking for alternatives there's:

heterosexism (umbrella term for bigotry against queer folk)

monosexism (term for the bigotry multisexual people face for being multisexual)

cissexism (umbrella term for bigotry against nonbinary people)

transmisogyny (term for the bigotry that trans women face)

binarism (more specific term for the bigotry nonbinary poc face for identifying as genders that colonialism wiped out or tainted ex. the Native two spirit identity)

Yep, I totally agree. That's why I almost always say homophobia. Is it technically incorrect? Yes, I suppose. But it's the (mostly) universally accepted term so I still use it. I will, though, try to get more in the habit of saying heterosexism + the other terms, since I can understand it bothering people who have actual phobias. My only phobia is trypophobia (fear of small holes, especially in clusters) but it's fairly easy, in my experience, to avoid triggers for trypophobia, so I've not suffered greatly due to it and am therefore not phased by the use of homophobia/transphobia etc.

[Shienvien]

Having seen -"phobia" used to shut down what are simply different opinions (including those of people who are actually trans themselves being almost systematically harassed because apparently what they feel about their bodies is not what a trans person *should* be describing oneself as?) and having seen a couple of phobic attacks from the side, one not so long ago ... it originally didn't bother me that much, but now it definitely does, to the point some part of me wants to physically cringe every time I see the word misused. It doesn't feel all that different from seeing several other medical conditions being used as insults anymore...

 

(Not sure whether heterosexism and some similar are neccessarily the most apt - I keep thinking the aforementined refers to sexism towards heteros, for instance - but in the lack of better concise wide-use terms, they are certainly much better than the -"phobia" versions. Transmisogyny and -andry, as well as binarism (gender-, sex-binarism?) I quite like as terms, though.)

[InugamiZERO]

I had to be treated for thanatophobia by systematic desensitization. My phobia ate up my entire life for two unbearable years.

 

You don't know fear until you wake up every night in a sweat and occasionally see hallucinations of your fear going after you. (In my case, the grim reaper)

 

Phobias are no laughing matter. Even after the treatment is completed that kind of mental scarring lingers. I stupidly went to a funeral about a year after my desensitization... and almost had a relapse. I got a panic attack and had to be escorted out.

 

Every time someone is like "Yeah, I have arachnophobia, spiders creep me out" or something equally absurd I can't help but think to myself "You have no freakin' idea what fear is..."

 

I back up your argument on "homophobia" in its modern definition.

just because some morons used the word wrong, doesn't give you the right to be disrespectful to those with actual arachnophobia

my mum has arachnophobia, real arachnophobia

 

ok Sorry

Edited May 4, 2015 by InugamiZERO

[FiveSix]

I don't think ZZ was saying arachnophobia isn't a thing, I think they were pointing out that just thinking spiders are creepy isn't arachnophobia in a clinical sense.

 

All of these inaptly named 'phobias' where people aren't afraid they're just s can be pretty well summarised as 'bigotry', no need for new words :3

[rabbithaver]

I think the hard part about using these new terms (the ones Sock posted) is educating people outside the LGBTQ community about what they mean. Pretty much every cishet person knows what homophobia is, and so sometimes it's just easier to use that word so they know what I'm talking about. I mean, phobias aren't new to me, either; I have some pretty stubborn agoraphobia, but I also feel there's a difference between homophobia in the context of bigotry and a phobia in the context of fear. Idk. *shrugs into the void*

[ZontarZon]

just because some morons used the word wrong, doesn't give you the right to be disrespectful to those with actual arachnophobia

my mum has arachnophobia, real arachnophobia

You don't seem to understand the context. Why would you think I would disrespect phobias when I know what it's like to have a legitimate, crippling phobia? Did you not read my comment or understand the entire point of it? Arachnophobia is very widely known as an extremely misused term, in addition to homophobia, which is why I gave it as an example. Surely you would know this with your knowledge on arachnophobia.

 

Rethink before you jump to the gun next time.

Edited May 4, 2015 by ZontarZon

[rabbithaver]

Can we all calm down? Things feel really tense all of a sudden.

[psyshock]

Complete change of topic and I guess slightly braggy, but i kind of just want to mention it, but I was talking with my best friend last week and he's straight, he knew I was gay but it wasn't something we ever really talked about in depth before, but I was able to tell him that I used to have a crush on him at one point which was really uplifting for me. Typically I'm bad at talking about personal things and feelings especially in person and verbally. I also wasn't sure whether I was over the crush or not. So I told him, and he responded well to it and stuff, and it felt great, it gave me a sense of closure and now I can move on from it easier I guess? He's straight and has a girlfriend, so that was also sort of on my mind as well when I was gong through this, but now I don't have to worry about it anymore. I also and the randomest encounter I have ever had in my life half an hour or so later, but that is a completely different story.

[rabbithaver]

Aw, I'm glad you got a sense of closure. Crushes can be hard, especially when they don't (or can't) return your feelings. I'm in a similar rut myself.

[ZontarZon]

Can we all calm down? Things feel really tense all of a sudden.

Sorry if it seemed to get tense there. I'm not mad or anything. ^^; There was just a misunderstanding is all.

 

And psyshock, congrats. I glad that he took it so well. That's evidence of a very admirable trait.

[Gsea]

So I've got a question that I fear may seem a little ignorant, but it's a legitimate curiosity I have.

Are most (I won't say "all" because that's terrible over-generalization) bisexuals attracted to cis males and cis females? And what stops bisexuals from just identifying as pansexual? Of course being attracted to men and women (or whatever 2 genders you like, idk, I can't speak for bi people because I'm not one!) is a completely legit sexuality, but I've always been curious as to why bisexual people know they are only attracted to 2 genders and not other nonbinary genders. I feel like gender definitions are quite blurred nowadays, so if you find a feminine-looking person attractive but discover they identify as nonbinary, or they've got male genitalia, or they violate the gender binary in some other way, would you no longer be attracted to them or would you not care, in which case "pansexual" seems more fitting than "bisexual"? Does sex (forgive me for using the word rather loosely) matter just as much as gender to bisexuals, if you get what I'm saying?

 

Idk if I worded that well, but yeah. Just really curious, for all the bisexuals out there~

Basically my question is: bisexuals, why not pansexual? How do you define your two genders?

[rabbithaver]

Well, bisexual means two or more genders, not just cis men and cis women. That's the community definition, and it is fully interchangeable with polysexual, omnisexual, multisexual, etc. Most polysexuals (if you're attracted to more than one gender, you fit under this umbrella term) are actually very relaxed about attraction; it isn't so much, "GASP you are nonbinary THUS I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU GOODBYE" as it is "huh, I know your gender, and I'm attracted to you. You're special."

 

Anyone who says bisexuality is JUST cis men and cis women is using an extremely outdated and transphobic definition.

[Gsea]

Well, bisexual means two or more genders, not just cis men and cis women. That's the community definition, and it is fully interchangeable with polysexual, omnisexual, multisexual, etc. Most polysexuals (if you're attracted to more than one gender, you fit under this umbrella term) are actually very relaxed about attraction; it isn't so much, "GASP you are nonbinary THUS I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU GOODBYE" as it is "huh, I know your gender, and I'm attracted to you. You're special."

 

Anyone who says bisexuality is JUST cis men and cis women is using an extremely outdated and transphobic definition.

Yeah, I said men/women in my post because in my experience that's almost always how they explain it to me - "yeah I like guys and girls, I can't choose just one, I'm bisexual" but I know it could mean any two genders.

It's just that pretty much every bisexual I've ever known has actually fit the definition for pansexual - attracted to people regardless of gender. And they've all been totally aware of the definition for pansexual so I always wondered why they didn't just identify as such. It could just be personal preference of one term over the other, but it seems to be a recurring trend.

 

lul everything I type sounds far better in my head.. ah well I'll just let people get some answers out before I worry about everything I've already said wrong haha

Edited May 5, 2015 by glamoursea2