Gay Straight Alliance

[rabbithaver]

I've made my opinion pretty clear so I'm gonna sink back into the darkness until I see something I can reply to. Sorry if I offended/hurt anyone, that really wasn't my intent.

[Obscure_Trash]

This discussion about 'preferences' doesn't belong in the GSA thread. You may take it to the Sexual Orientation thread: https://forums.dragcave.net/index.php?showtopic=108411

[Gsea]

sorry just saw sock's post, will repost this in the right thread~

actually my post belongs in yet ANOTHER thread about gender identities so off I go!

Edited May 6, 2015 by glamoursea2

[sparkle10184]

oops ignore this

Edited May 6, 2015 by sparkle10184

[rabbithaver]

Ok new subject: how can we help cis/het allies be better allies?

[kitsune93]

Education is the best way.

Like explaining why something might be harmful.

If that doesn't work then probably nothing will.

Edited May 6, 2015 by kitsune93

[Gsea]

Ok new subject: how can we help cis/het allies be better allies?

Is "educate them" too obvious an answer?

 

I don't expect allies to be our saviours and spokespersons, I just want them to quietly support us when it's our turn to defend our rights and utilize their straight privilege when needed, because sometimes it does help to have straight people on our side to communicate our ideals to other straight people. But other than that, my advice to allies is: stay in your lane, please don't ever try to tag along with any attention given to lgbtq people/issues, and never stoop so low as to revert back to your internalized heterosexism for any reason, with the defense that we're 'lucky to have your support anyway'.

 

unfortunately i feel like too many "allies" don't actually care to put the work in - educating themselves on MANY issues instead of just, say, gay marriage - and they just want the privilege of being an ally. like, they want to be welcomed by the lgbtq community, but they forget that it is our community and spend too much time defending themselves for some of the problematic stuff they do/say/think, instead of dedicating time to educating themselves as much as we have. sooo that's why i'm super wary of allies. if you're straight and you think being gay is "totally okay! love is love!" then that's great, i'm always glad to meet someone accepting of me, but a lot of the people who are really eager to call themselves "allies" just don't deserve that title quite yet. i'm always going to advocate more and more education for everyone instead of just "gay couples are great!"

 

There are plenty of small things allies can do within their social circles of lgbtq people that really help. For instance, if a discussion amongst friends shifts to the lgbtq members discussing their sexuality + experiences, don't try to relate to their experiences...let them have that discussion because the experience of being lgbtq is something we have to ourselves + it bugs me just a little bit when my straight friends trivialize some of my experiences - like my first ever crush on a girl. And don't try to make yourself some type of hero for being an ally. Don't be like "oh, I'd never have a same-sex relationship, but I can't BELIEVE love is ILLEGAL, some people are just so ignorant but thank god I'm not! I love [stereotypical gay couple] on [TV show]!!" Yes, we really appreciate that you're not ignorant and we value your support but just remember that you're still part of the community of straight people who refuse to give us good representation and even refuse to give us jobs.

 

To reiterate: stay in your lane & listen to us & learn as much as you can.

[psyshock]

Also making them understand their privilege is a good way to go as well. They might be an ally, but still unknowingly perpetuating heternormativity or gender norms. This one video goes on a bit about it, but it was more so done as a response to comments saying essentially what the title is. It's a slam poem titled "We Get It, You're Gay" and it kind of goes on in a bit of detail about certain situations that can occur.

[Gsea]

Also making them understand their privilege is a good way to go as well. They might be an ally, but still unknowingly perpetuating heternormativity or gender norms. This one video goes on a bit about it, but it was more so done as a response to comments saying essentially what the title is. It's a slam poem titled "We Get It, You're Gay" and it kind of goes on in a bit of detail about certain situations that can occur.

yaaay i love slam poetry so much ;o; I've definitely got to watch that.

Also this reminds me of allies' tendency to interpret us as being "too open" with our sexuality. The "sassy, metrosexual, flamboyant gay male" is a trope that comes to mind. Straight people very often take the stance of "I'm all for gay marriage and gay adoption and equal rights but jeez can you go two seconds without doing something GAY ffs?"

...no. stop. leave us be.

Most/all of my friends are straight, and I'm fine with it, but I have one friend group that is 100% queer. We've got a bisexual, a pansexual, a pan-demisexual, and myself. Pretty much ALL of our conversations are gay. We spend entire class periods swapping stories of how we discovered our sexuality and other such situations, and it's really great because I can't share that stuff with my other friends. But straight people feel the need to intrude on our wonderful queer conversations and tell us "that's ALL you ever talk about".

My response is usually "well nobody else talks about it so I guess we're maintaining the balance."

[rabbithaver]

So many wonderful responses.

 

I've heard, "I don't mind gay people as long as they don't flirt with me!" and similar comments throughout the years. How should I handle this? It feels really offensive.

[Sundew]

So many wonderful responses.

 

I've heard, "I don't mind gay people as long as they don't flirt with me!" and similar comments throughout the years. How should I handle this? It feels really offensive.

I'm gonna take a leap of faith and say I think this is just another case of thoughtless wording. I don't like it when random people hit on me, regardless of their sexuality/gender/etc. "I like straight people as long as they don't flirt with me" can also probably be applied to a lot of he people making the same comment about gay people.

If you're assuming gay people are going to flirt with you automatically, that's either a bit of narcissism or stereotyping, and either way is something to avoid.

 

As far as responses go, I'd try to be light to figure out what they mean before trying to correct them. If the person is into jokes at their expense you might be able to say "Don't worry, no one would make the mistake of flirting with you". And if they're not, but you can sarcasm, maybe "Right, because all gays are doomed to hit on the first bag of flesh they see."

I dunno, but I wouldn't get involved myself unless I knew that they were stereotyping. :3

[kitsune93]

So many wonderful responses.

 

I've heard, "I don't mind gay people as long as they don't flirt with me!" and similar comments throughout the years. How should I handle this? It feels really offensive.

This always rubbed me the wrong way but all in all I don't have that much of a problem with that statement in and of itself.

 

Even worse is when they assume that a queer person will hit on them no matter what.

Like by best friend is a bi man who recently went off to college and lives in a dorm with 3 other guys.

He ended up telling them that he is bi and now his roommate is terrified that my friend is going to hit on him.

He's even told the other roommates who don't care, that's how my friend found out about it.

At that point it is really offensive.

 

But yeah, as ab613 said, the best way to deal with it is to make fun of them. They look like a fool and your friends get a good laugh out of it.

[rabbithaver]

In this case it tends to be from people who also think that all queer people talk about is how queer they are, or people who like to deny that they are homophobic, or any other negative thing a self-proclaimed ally can do. Overall it just seems to make other LGBTQ folks uncomfortable. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who finds it a bit upsetting.

[MedievalMystic]

I've heard, "I don't mind gay people as long as they don't flirt with me!" and similar comments throughout the years. How should I handle this? It feels really offensive.

 

I call it sending a message and being real. Why is that offensive? Sometimes, imo, there's a need for it, based on personal experiences.

 

I'm totally straight. Women have absolutely nothing I'd ever want, I'm totally into men. I've had friends and co workers assume I was gay or bi. I've had people tell me that I 'look' gay. People have told me I'd make a great lesbian. I just listen to this and I'm amazed. But alright, whatever...

 

Unfortunately, gay women seem to get a gay vibe from me too, and I'm not sure why. I do nothing, not one thing, to encourage women. If anything, the opposite is true because I have been hit on by women. I've had girlfriends of mine have one drink too many and come on to me in blatantly sexual ways...AWKWARD!

 

Some, not all, but some women really do cross a line with me. It's hard to know how to handle it. Normally, I handle unwanted attention from women the same as I do with men...my body language says it all. I don't even pretend to flirt. I'm not being mean or unfriendly, nor am I a homophobe, but sometimes, imo, making a strong point is necessary, no matter if it's a male or a female. I don't feel any need to apologize for that.

 

I don't hate anyone. My friendly meter just goes down a few notches when anyone, no matter who it is, gets into my space uninvited.

 

So yeah. From a straight perspective, when it became cool to be a lesbian life got just a tad more complicated.

Edited May 6, 2015 by MedievalMystic

[Kith]

Briefly going back to sex ed, this program in Canada is not only teaching the usual anatomy and STI info, but also relationships, gender, sexuality, and acceptance. The title is rather unfortunately phrased, and I'm not sure what the art has to do with it exactly, but the program itself seems sound, especially with its strong basis in creating a safe space for participants.

 

https://medium.com/bright/sex-ed-that-turns...en-ede65ca6e263

[ZontarZon]

YOOOOOOO Today (May 8) has been dubbed Ace Visibility Day. Tons of people on social media are spreading asexuality awareness.

 

*waves little ace flag*

[Obscure_Trash]

I'm a party pooper, but I'm not a fan of Ace Visibility Day. We have a whole Asexual Awareness Week in October that a selfie day would have fit just fine in. >_> The only reason it was suggested was because of Blackout and TDoV and the idea was to make it just posting cards so that it wouldn't be piggybacking on these movements/taking attention away from them, but all I've seen are selfies (with a card) anyway. <_<

 

/is asexual, yes

Edited May 9, 2015 by SockPuppet Strangler

[octopi]

I think it's cute! The problem is that the cards system kind of tries to shove all ace people into one of four categories? And like. Asexuality is a really huge spectrum and excluding the less common types is kinda ehh.

 

Also my invisibility is temporarily lifted so I can't steal from unsuspecting straight people, what a bummer

Edited May 9, 2015 by Fractional Pi Day

[Sylph264]

Hallo all! This is my first post on the thread. ^^ I have a question aimed at everybody: when did you first realize what sexuality you were (whether you're straight, gay, bi, pan, ace, demi... etc)? Did you always know? Was it a crush or a first kiss?

I'm asexual, and I started realizing this in high school when all my girlfriends began ooohing and ahhhing over hot guys (or girls), and I'm sitting in the corner going "bored." I could see that the guys in question were physically attractive; I was just never attracted to them. Or anybody. So eventually I figured there was something different about me and, ta-da Internet, discovered asexuality.

*sends hugs and support to everybody*

 

I was also completely unaware there was an asexual visibility week.

Edited May 9, 2015 by Sylph264

[Dr. Paine]

when did you first realize what sexuality you were (whether you're straight, gay, bi, pan, ace, demi... etc)? Did you always know? Was it a crush or a first kiss?

 

First realized I wasn't straight? That... was probably when I was about 12-13ish? It kind of started... funnily enough with getting Final Fantasy X-2, which is a fun but fanservice-y game and... yeah And in general I was just kind of... ??? Finding people were just. Kinda hot and there wasn't anything incredibly consistent to it. I also kind of experimented with things in rp/character making, basically 'well okay maybe she likes this ONE GIRL but it doesn't go anywhere.....'; and I grew up with... 'it's okay to be that way but I really hope none of you bring home a girl'.

 

... for the record, I didn't actually come out to myself until I was about 18, and even now I'm still sitting here trying to figure out exactly what the heck I am |D (at this point, I just really prefer saying I'm queer because that's what sums everything up the best).

Edited May 9, 2015 by Dr. Paine

[FiveSix]

Ace Visibility day didn't do a very good job considering I spent most of the day on and off AVEN and barely noticed We have a week later in the year to do that properly :3

 

I was 18 when I first (purely by accident) realised asexuality was a thing that existed (thank you TV Tropes) and technically applied to me but it took me a while to adopt it as an identity. Until then I thought I was just doing a terrible job at being bi since I didn't 'like' any one gender over another.

[Obscure_Trash]

I was also completely unaware there was an asexual visibility week.

Yep! Asexual Awareness Week, often abbreviated AAW, has been occurring for... four years now, I think. It's Oct 26 - Nov 1. I've never used this site, but apparently there's a site: http://asexualawarenessweek.com/ xP

 

We usually use this week to post and share a bunch of asexuality facts and information over social media. To be loud and proud. A lot of people decide to come out during AAW as well, as there's a lot of public solidarity so it's easier for them to find the support and courage to do so.

[kitsune93]

When I first realized I was bi was in like 7th or 8th grade.

At the time I was starting to feel attraction to guys and girls and I really didn't understand it.

Up until that point I was under the impression that you could only like one or the other not both. People who did were "greedy" or "****s" or "needed to make up their mind."

Then I heard someone talk about bisexuality and that it was ok to be bi. After that I started calling myself bi and never looked back.

 

That's why I'm in support of any awareness days, like Ace Visibility day.

Even if it helps one kid realize that asexuality is a thing and there isn't something wrong with them, it is necessary.

The same goes for any and all queer awareness or visibility stuff.

[Sundew]

When did you first realize what sexuality you were (whether you're straight, gay, bi, pan, ace, demi... etc)? Did you always know? Was it a crush or a first kiss?

I was never attracted exclusively to either sex. When I started having crushes, I looked at everyone, not just boys or girls. I learned about bisexuality and homosexuality when I was 11 or 12, and then identified as bisexual. Later I heard about pansexuality, which is how I currently identify.

I guess I've always known, but not consciously? I never tried to fight it. I actually didn't know that being attracted to any gender was unusual. I thought it was something everyone did.

[Kiya_Felixea]

Hey guys, just gonna pop in. I'm 22 and a cis female and demisexual. I used to always wonder throughout school why other people got all worked up over anyone they deemed attractive, when I just didn't care. It was refreshing to one day stumble across the term demisexual and realise it applied to me.

 

In total I've had three relationships, only two were really serious and one of those two was long distance. I've recently got in contact with the long distance partner after a few years of no contact (stemming from a bad breakup fueled by immaturity and the inability to actually talk effectively online to sort out our issues). He's Hoping to move out of America and to Australia, I've said once he's here I'm willing to give things a second chance.

 

I'm of course an ally to the LGBTQ, It honestly surprises me that there is still problems at all. I know so many people who aren't cis, and just can't see how this can even possibly still be a problem. I'm glad the support is out there though