Relationships!

[Katie]

I'm 17 and I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. We're total opposites but there are little stuff we have in common. I feel like if you liked the same thing of everything and have too much in common the relationship could get boring.

[Syaoransbear]

If you're at the point where you have to draw a spider diagram with all of your partner's good and bad points in order to work out if it's worth continuing that relationship...would it be fair to say that you've already answered that question before you even begin?

I think so. I think even entertaining the thought of ending the relationship is reason enough to leave. Someone posted this on another forum I go to that I think is very insightful:

 

Go, even though you love her.

Go, even though she’s kind and faithful and dear to you.

Go, even though she’s your best friend and you’re her's.

Go, even though you can’t imagine your life without her.

Go, even though she adores you and your leaving will devastate her.

Go, even though your friends and family will be disappointed or surprised or pissed off or all three.

Go, even though you once said you would stay.

Go, even though you’re afraid of being alone.

Go, even though you’re sure no one will ever love you as well as she does.

Go, even though there is nowhere to go.

Go, even though you don’t know exactly why you can’t stay.

Go, because you want to.

Because wanting to leave is enough.

[Lila]

I've been with my current boyfriend for ten months and I never even expected to date him. We are polar opposites, interest-wise and even in our beliefs, but we just get along so well. Even if we argue we still want to make up because we want to go back to getting along. I don't think either of us have ever wanted to give up or leave. So. Yea. It's nice.

[Victini]

I've been dating my current boyfriend for around 4 or 5 months, we have a lot of different interests, but he's really nice and he's one of the few people willing to listen to me ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ

 

My ex-girlfriend was really, really crazy. After not talking to me for a few weeks (although she kept talking to the rest her friends), she broke up with me because we never really talked. She then proceeded to block me on Facebook, send me death threats via Tumblr, and make an entire Tumblr dedicated to tearing apart everything I said and talking about how stupid I am. She said several times that she hoped me, my boyfriend, and a few of my closest friends killed themselves and made fun of me because I used to have an ED.

She still makes fun of my friends and I pretty often ://////

[Lila]

I've been dating my current boyfriend for around 4 or 5 months, we have a lot of different interests, but he's really nice and he's one of the few people willing to listen to me ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ

 

My ex-girlfriend was really, really crazy. After not talking to me for a few weeks (although she kept talking to the rest her friends), she broke up with me because we never really talked. She then proceeded to block me on Facebook, send me death threats via Tumblr, and make an entire Tumblr dedicated to tearing apart everything I said and talking about how stupid I am. She said several times that she hoped me, my boyfriend, and a few of my closest friends killed themselves and made fun of me because I used to have an ED.

She still makes fun of my friends and I pretty often ://////

she should not be so crazy. that would be nice.

[rilavision]

Hey everyone,

 

So I've been dating this guy that I was friends with in high school. I had the HUGEST crush on him in 9th grade (I'm a sophomore in college now)but became someone closer to him during 10th grade. He never really showed much interest in me then but body language usually told me otherwise. I had somewhat feelings for him but never acted on them and started dating this other guy at the end of 10th grade til the beginning of 11th. I transferred out of that school in October of my Junior year and started to attend school closer to my house(about a half an hour away from my old school). I didn't have his number and he didn't have a Facebook to my dismay. We lost contact and I didn't really hear from him after. I kept contact with a few friends from my old school but began to make a lot of new ones at the school I began attending after. I graduated, got my advanced regents diploma and went on to college. A lot of my friends had went away but I stood around in the city. Only two weeks after that he surprisingly added me on Facebook. He graduated from my old high school but didn't have plans for college, his plans were to go to the military. I had really no more interest in him as we'd both grown up, I figured he'd had already had a girlfriend and such so I tried to steer away from any conversation. Couple months after he first added me he messaged me again, asked me how I was, saying I looked more beautiful than I did in 9th grade. He wanted to catch up and see me in person since he hadn't seen me in such a long time. I'll tell you right now I was pretty nervous and I guess it was because I still was very attracted to him. We went out to see a movie and then he took me out to dinner. It was a blast and I didn't have THAT much fun in a while. He told me he knew he should of tried to communicate with me a lot more back in 10th grade and that he regret not doing so. We started talking a lot more after that and I'm just completely smitten by him, hanging out, having fun, just enjoying it the best we can even if we were doing completely nothing. Then, I come to remember he's leaving for basic training in June 17th and it is already April.. We spent the last weeks we had together the best we could and believe me it was the hardest thing letting him go but it's what he wanted even before we had something. I wasn't going to stop him. Recently he was given cellphone privileges and we got to talk for two days but those were the best two days of my life. I missed his voice and it was so much more relaxing to hear. Sadly, at 8pm yesterday he had to give in his phone. He's stationed in Kentucky and he told me he's supposed to come back on August 23rd before going to AIT. I'm just really hoping this time we have apart doesn't make him forget that I'm here waiting for him. I know that being with someone that is bound to a contract is very tough. Barely any phone calls, texts and little communication. I have a cousin that is a former Marine and him and his wife's marriage crumbled very horribly due to the military lifestyle. I don't know if I'm really even ready to handle more of this. It's a scary situation but shouldn't I be willing to do this if he's what I want? I just don't want this to hold either of us back from doing what we have to do... it's been so rough already.

[Lila]

snip~

 

It's a scary situation but shouldn't I be willing to do this if he's what I want? I just don't want this to hold either of us back from doing what we have to do... it's been so rough already.

I'm much younger than you, but if you want to try and work through it, I would talk to him about it and see if he's game for it too. If it's getting to be a struggle later on in the relationship, you can discuss it then, but don't end it now because it might be difficult. But if you don't want to wait around for him, then don't.

 

My boyfriend's actually away for ten days college hunting, and we've talked about what's going to happen when he goes to college. He wants to be a lawyer, so he's going to be in school for six years, and that's a long time to wait. We're going to date his first two years because he's going to commute, but after that we'll probably break up. To be completely honest, I would wait for him. I know I have the capacity to do so. Unfortunately, though, there are too many variables I can't control and he'll probably grow up 101% when I've only grown up 100%. I mean, I'll keep him in mind, and wait for him, but I know that it may just be one of those things.

[rilavision]

I'm much younger than you, but if you want to try and work through it, I would talk to him about it and see if he's game for it too. If it's getting to be a struggle later on in the relationship, you can discuss it then, but don't end it now because it might be difficult. But if you don't want to wait around for him, then don't.

I'm currently waiting for his letter, I'll be checking my mailbox every day. I just want him to write me. I want him to come back, it honestly hurts when you cannot talk to someone every single day wondering if they're okay over there. I really don't know where his first duty is going to be stationed at after he's done with training, but I know for sure it isn't going to be in New York. So while he's miles away from me now after he comes back from leave for two weeks he'll be on to another state right after. I will most definitely talk to him about it. Just being away from someone that you just want to hug, and kiss, and have face to face conversation with but can't because they're not physically there gives me stomach pains. I do want to wait around for him but the thing is if he'll wait around for me as well.

[Kestra15]

I may be in love with my lover. It might simply be a rebound relationship for us both. It may simply be the joy of rediscovering sex, or the warmth of knowing someone will give up five minutes for you. It may simply be lust. But I don't care. I'm happy and so is she.

[HeatherMarie]

It's weird, I used to think I've been in love four times. Four people, four relationships, over the course of my life. But now that time has passed between all of those relationships, I realize how fluid the concept of "love" can be. I loved Ann, definitely, but I don't think I was ever *in* love with her. I don't think I really loved Amanda at all, though at the time I thought I did. I *know* Maudree was my first real love, first "true love".... and Beth, I know I loved her, I was with her longer then anyone else.... I was with Maudree less then a year, and Beth over 3 years. But how I felt about Maudree, compared to how I felt about Beth.... Completely different.

 

Sorry for rambling, that's just been on my mind lately. Currently single, have been for.... 6 years? Not really interested in changing that.

[Qwackie]

Hurm, so there's this dude I've known for awhile and we're pretty much the exact same. We like the same stuff, we play the same games, listen to similar music, all that. We used to hang out a lot, but we stopped because he didn't like my friends. But whenever we saw each other after, we would still act like nothing happened and we're still close friends. We would tease one another, act like elves (long story and a bit of an inside joke gaha) and it was AWKWARD AS A DUK NAMED RONALD.

But I was at a highschool orientation tonight and he saw me. His dad saw me too and told him to say hi to me, and he was all nervous and awkward too. Strange, I'd only met his dad twice before.

So my parents think that he's got a crush on me (le gasp) and I do too. But I don't want to pursue dudes right now- I'm a freshman. But this dude is pretty awesome, and I've thought he was attractive since I met him. ARGH. Old (haha) an experienced people, what do I do? D:

[Lila]

It's weird, I used to think I've been in love four times. Four people, four relationships, over the course of my life. But now that time has passed between all of those relationships, I realize how fluid the concept of "love" can be. I loved Ann, definitely, but I don't think I was ever *in* love with her. I don't think I really loved Amanda at all, though at the time I thought I did. I *know* Maudree was my first real love, first "true love".... and Beth, I know I loved her, I was with her longer then anyone else.... I was with Maudree less then a year, and Beth over 3 years. But how I felt about Maudree, compared to how I felt about Beth.... Completely different.

 

Sorry for rambling, that's just been on my mind lately. Currently single, have been for.... 6 years? Not really interested in changing that.

Very much this. Fluid is an excellent way to describe it.

 

Hurm, so there's this dude I've known for awhile and we're pretty much the exact same. We like the same stuff, we play the same games, listen to similar music, all that. We used to hang out a lot, but we stopped because he didn't like my friends. But whenever we saw each other after, we would still act like nothing happened and we're still close friends. We would tease one another, act like elves (long story and a bit of an inside joke gaha) and it was AWKWARD AS A DUK NAMED RONALD.

But I was at a highschool orientation tonight and he saw me. His dad saw me too and told him to say hi to me, and he was all nervous and awkward too. Strange, I'd only met his dad twice before.

So my parents think that he's got a crush on me (le gasp) and I do too. But I don't want to pursue dudes right now- I'm a freshman. But this dude is pretty awesome, and I've thought he was attractive since I met him. ARGH. Old (haha) an experienced people, what do I do? D:

 

Evaluate whether or not he would make a good partner based on what you know of him. If you're unsure, don't actively pursue a romantic relationship until you are.

Edited August 7, 2013 by Lila

[7Deadly$ins]

Hurm, so there's this dude I've known for awhile and we're pretty much the exact same. We like the same stuff, we play the same games, listen to similar music, all that. We used to hang out a lot, but we stopped because he didn't like my friends. But whenever we saw each other after, we would still act like nothing happened and we're still close friends. We would tease one another, act like elves (long story and a bit of an inside joke gaha) and it was AWKWARD AS A DUK NAMED RONALD.

But I was at a highschool orientation tonight and he saw me. His dad saw me too and told him to say hi to me, and he was all nervous and awkward too. Strange, I'd only met his dad twice before.

So my parents think that he's got a crush on me (le gasp) and I do too. But I don't want to pursue dudes right now- I'm a freshman. But this dude is pretty awesome, and I've thought he was attractive since I met him. ARGH. Old (haha) an experienced people, what do I do? D:

Do nothing. If you don't want a relationship there there's nothing for you TO do.

[popcorncat11]

Don't get in relationships until you are at least 16. Just don't. It will only hurt one or both of the people in the relationship. Just don't. The only thing I regret in life is dating a guy in 7th grade.

[Lila]

Don't get in relationships until you are at least 16. Just don't. It will only hurt one or both of the people in the relationship. Just don't. The only thing I regret in life is dating a guy in 7th grade.

I think this is a very narrow-minded generalization to make. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and I'm fifteen, and our relationship has well matured from shallow things like appearance and kissing.

[Kestra15]

Don't get in relationships until you are at least 16. Just don't. It will only hurt one or both of the people in the relationship. Just don't. The only thing I regret in life is dating a guy in 7th grade.

Or rather get into relationships when you are ready? My first girlfriend was at 10/11yrs (can't remember precisely) and was a great learning experience, mainly in how not to have a relationship, but still enjoyed it from time to time. And my second g/f was at 14/15yrs and was a fantastic relationship for the most part. Yeah, she ended up sleeping around rather spectacularly on me and did rather hurt me in the end but again it was a good experience and not entirely negative.

[MichealTozier]

Yesterday I was with my boyfriend, Matt, at his grandfather's birthday party. After all the non family party guests left, everyone kind of congregated near the double doors. I was sitting at a table there, munching away at some chips. Matt's dad said "Everyone, Matthew has something important to say" and I looked up and there he was kneeling in front of me (Matt, not his dad) with a ring and he proposed.

 

I promptly squeaked and said yes and tackled him in a great big hug.

[Ninetails]

Congratulations!

[Crockturtle566]

Congrats!

[snoesiepoes]

Congratz That's a fun way to propose

[Lila]

That's so precious! Congratulations!

[Oriolous]

D'aaawwwww. That's awesome!

[Obscure_Trash]

Congrats! I've merged your thread with this one. There is also the weddings and marriage thread if you find that more fitting. :3

[crocodile100]

So I've been with my girlfriend for around 4 months now. She's great and all, but we hardly ever hang out. Like once a month. She's a really busy person, and I know that for a fact; she has a job and her parents are divorced so she switches between parents every week, and one of them lives pretty far away so really there's only a chance to see her every other week, and then out of those days she's only available around 3 days.

 

I really, really like her, but I don't get to see her as often as I'd like to. She always talks about wanting to hang out and how she misses me and stuff but then we're rarely ever able to make any plans. She acts like nothing's wrong but it's hard to actually stay interested when all I'm doing is staring at a damn phone (we text every day). I'm slowly losing interest in her and I guess the frustration is building up and making it worse but I still care about her and don't want to lose her. I just wish there would be a way to change this.

 

What should I do? And we're 16 if that matters. Also I know she's not cheating since she comes from a very religious family.

[brairtrainer]

LDR or relationships with busy people are hard (this is coming from a girl that made it through a band season with an LDR when our band nights were different).

 

Part of it is your age, but that doesn't mean you can't make it work long term. Here's what my boyfriend and I have done as well as some ideas that we haven't made use of or have.

 

1. Schedule a date night to call--for example mine and my boyfriends is on Sunday night when he's not working. Even if someone is busy there should be some time to call, even if its just 15 minutes

 

2. Plan fun interesting things to do. Hanging out only really seems to work if the distance is so long that you don't get much time for anything and all you wan is each others company or if you see each other a lot. Go hiking or something else active. You also mention she's busy, are any of these performance based/something you can attend as well? Learning about what someone is interested in can help. (Like I've been learning 40k lore over the phone, and my boyfriend came to an ARBA rabbit show I was going to.)

 

3. Take up a series (either you both are into already, one is into, neither are into but you've heard of it) and plan to watch an episode at around the same time and talk about it (either text or over the phone during or after it)

 

4. If you are more of a touch person it will still be hard (touch for affection) both my boyfriend and I are like that and deal with it by holding hands, brushing arms, playing with the others hair when together. IF you are primarily a touch person though this will be harder for you

 

5. If these things don't work, or are not viable then let the relationship go. Your girlfriend is not in a place to offer you what you need in a relationship if you have one right now. But talk over the ideas with her first.

 

That's all the advice I have.