Relationships!

[Stunningfire]

You females out there. Lend a bro a hand here. If you were really close friends with a guy, and he had strong feelings for you, would you want him to tell you, even if you didn't feel the same way? Or would you be upset that he told you because it made the friendship awkward? I mean, I'm talking we're REALLY close... going on several years of building a friendship on a very deep, personal level.

YES. Definitely. For me, I'd rather be sure that I'm not leading on a friend if I don't like him - and if I do, well, that'd be awesome. If you guys are as close as you say, then it probably won't be awkward unless one of you makes it; if she doesn't like you, make it clear that you still want to be friends with her.

[5icky]

You females out there. Lend a bro a hand here. If you were really close friends with a guy, and he had strong feelings for you, would you want him to tell you, even if you didn't feel the same way? Or would you be upset that he told you because it made the friendship awkward? I mean, I'm talking we're REALLY close... going on several years of building a friendship on a very deep, personal level.

I to say yes. I wouldn't want it to be a secret, because i know how it feels. I have a very VERY close guy friend.. And i wish i could tell him but i barely even make new friends, i'm way to shy.

 

He also has a girlfriend...

[Gsea]

Halp.

 

Okay, so anyone who has seen my recent posts in this thread can tell I'm having some problems >.< I like a guy that I have liked on-and-off for the past year, a little over a year actually. At one point, he got a girlfriend and around that same time, I fell totally head-over-heels in love, or so I thought. But if I had really loved him, I wouldn't be feeling like this now, would I?

Problem: he has also liked me on and off. He will hint that he likes me, maybe attempt to initiate a relationship that goes a bit further than just texting each other, and every time this happens - every flipping time - I collapse. I get physically sick and nauseated and I tell myself, I just can't do this, I don't like him like that, I need to break it off before he thinks that something is going on between us.

So I stop talking to him and then, days later, I think "yeah, I could do this. I like him." So we go back to where we were - friends who flirt - and things are fine. And in my last post in this thread, I said that I was interested in going out with him and I didn't know how to restore the relationship. Update on that: I'm in full-out panic mode and feeling that same repulsed feeling that I always get around this point.

The thing is, I like him for who he is because he's funny and silly and smart. But I'm not really attracted to him, physically or anything, and I know attraction is key in a relationship. I just don't really......well, yeah, he's just not the kind of guy I fantasize about being with. But aside from that, he's sweet and funny and he definitely likes me.

I'm just...freaking out.

I need help making a decision. I know what I'll probably end up doing is ditching him again, ignoring him, and crawling back to him. But it's not good that the day after we have a flirty conversation I find myself walking around school saying "I hope I don't bump into him" because things are easier when he's not around...

D:

Another thing. He changes when he likes me. When we were just friends I was in love with him because he was so witty and energetic and adorably nerdy, and when he likes me, he gets so sensitive and just...needy. I don't enjoy it. But he's sweet...I guess...And he's all like, 'you looked pretty today' and what is wrong with me that makes me slightly repelled by that?? Most girls would be like 'aww, how sweet!' and I'm just like...uh, ok. Thanks?

Today I walked by him and he looked up and said 'hi' all bashfully and I sort of looked up and said hi, and then people walked in front of us and he just kept walking, then today I got home from school and he texted me "Um today I said hi to you and you just kept walking."

I did say hi back, but anyway, why is he being so sensitive?

I don't know what to do.

He definitely likes me and I just don't think I could ever go out with him, really.

I feel so bad. I have been leading him on for so long. And here I am, backing out again. And I told him I would go with him to Barnes & Noble after school, with a few other kids, but I suddenly didn't want to so I pretended like I couldn't make it and told him I would go on Monday. But I don't want to go on Monday.

Gah. The only reason I'm not flat-out telling him "hey, I don't really like you like that" (because that'd make things so easy for me, srsly) is because I'm scared that in like four days I'll like him again. What the hell is wrong with me? I swear.. >.<

Also I'm really shallow and holding out for a, well, more desirable guy and also I can only think of like one person who would approve if I went out with him - my best friend. Everyone else would be like "Why are you dating him?" just like they did when we went out a couple years ago, which lasted about...three days. Lol.

But seriously guys, help... D:

 

Edit:

Also I'm really shallow and selfish for another reason, one of the reasons I keep crawling back to him is because I want a boyfriend Dx Oh self, thou art a despicable being.

 

Scratching this.

I've decided. I will not go through with a relationship I'm not ready for. I'm going to feel guilty for cutting the rope with which I dragged him along, letting him think there was something happening.

I have problems I need to work out with myself.

In the meantime, I can't be with him like he wants. Like I thought I wanted. :/

Edited October 11, 2012 by glamoursea2

[brairtrainer]

Scratching this.

I've decided. I will not go through with a relationship I'm not ready for. I'm going to feel guilty for cutting the rope with which I dragged him along, letting him think there was something happening.

I have problems I need to work out with myself.

In the meantime, I can't be with him like he wants. Like I thought I wanted. :/

*offers Glamoursea2 a hug*

 

That's a really hard decission to make, but a wise one. I hope you can work out all the problems you have, and don't run into this problem again.

[Stunningfire]

Scratching this.

I've decided. I will not go through with a relationship I'm not ready for. I'm going to feel guilty for cutting the rope with which I dragged him along, letting him think there was something happening.

I have problems I need to work out with myself.

In the meantime, I can't be with him like he wants. Like I thought I wanted. :/

GOOD FOR YOU. Seriously. I've had troubles with that in the past, too, and it took everything to just stop leading him on and stuff. Good for you.

[Obscure_Trash]

That is a really mature decision, glamoursea2. Good on you. <3

[Mupen64 Man]

I haven't dated in 2 years, it was messing with things that should have had a higher priority, there is plenty of time to date when I have settled myself nicely as an adult.

[epicguy10000]

Well here I am, offering an opinion, as I tend to do

 

Personally I don't plan on having a relationship until I am much old, I have seen when people tried having relationships back in elementary school and I'm fairly certain none of them made it longer than 2 years, I find it somewhat silly to have a relationship before somewhere around 9th grade

*shrug*

Edited October 12, 2012 by penguin_adu6oo

[Stunningfire]

I was stupid and went out with this guy in sixth grade who I didn't even really like.

It lasted, like, six months, which is REALLY long for a middle school relationship... and it was completely meaningless. We didn't even do anything.

 

So yeah, I've learned, and I'm prolly not gonna date again until college, even if I find a guy who I genuinely like that likes me back. It's just... too much commitment if there's not a possibility to marry them. And lots of heartbreak.

[5icky]

Well here I am, offering an opinion, as I tend to do

 

Personally I don't plan on having a relationship until I am much old, I have seen when people tried having relationships back in elementary school and I'm fairly certain none of them made it longer than 2 years, I find it somewhat silly to have a relationship before somewhere around 9th grade

*shrug*

I would just like to state that i started dating a guy in 4th grade, and we went out until after 6th grade. We only broke up because i had to move

.. i only get to see him once a year though now, maybe more during the summer.

 

However now, it seems to be harder to keep up with a relationship. My last one lasted 8 days before two months.. the one before that was with my best friend, and i felt i knew to much about him. It's obvious that we still like each other, but we decided to stay friends, very good friends at the least, but friends

I moved again anyway..

 

Now i have an issue with a guy i really like, he's a lot like me which isn't common at all.. I have no idea if he actually likes me either though, because he is like me and i don't show it very well.. i can't tell

i have such good luck huh?

 

Anyone want to offer any help for me?

Edited October 12, 2012 by IcarusTheDragon

[Switch]

Hm, I've never really been that interested in being in a relationship... I've never dated anyone or ever had a crush on anyone before (beyond screaming fangirl crushes, that is.)

I doubt I'll ever really actively seek one out. I mean, if a guy I like comes along, great! If not, I can live with that.

 

But I have a pretty tenuous grasp on being social and talking to people so it's not likely. |D

[Hyesu]

If a guy who is 40 and 50 something tries to pick up a girl/young woman in her twenties than I guess it's a no brainer it's not gonna work.

 

Unless you have something in common and no I don't think temporary unemployment count as one.

[eritated]

Would it be a good idea to ask the guy I've previously mentioned to not talk to me for a while?

 

I realized I can't keep going on like this (me not talking to him much and not liking him, then he talks to me more and I start liking him again) after he accidentally sent me a text last night that he meant to send to someone else: "I think you need a bf." which totally freaked me out. I'm not sure exactly why it freaked me out so much, but it did, and I'm still freaked out about it.

 

I'm hoping if he stops talking to me for a bit, I might be able to let him go.... Could this possibly help?

[philpot123]

Well, I'm getting close to the point where I'm either going to have to tell her how I feel or I'm going to go nuts. I'm fairly certain the feeling isn't mutual, but there have been little things that have made me wonder if I'm being too pessimistic. So now my issue is timing, and the fact that I'm moving away next fall, so even if she does care about me, the prospect of an LDR might sort of be a repulsion.

[Gsea]

If telling her would make things that much better and give you the feeling of 'getting it off your chest' then I'd say go ahead and tell her. If she doesn't feel the same, I'm sure you two will still have your friendship, and little to nothing will change. If she does feel the same - and you might very well be underestimating her feelings for you, it's a huge possibility that she does like you and you can't see it yet - then that's all very well. As for the possibility of an LDR, I don't know what to say except try to maintain the possible pending relationship as you would maintain your current status of friendship. I have to say I have no real helpful experience on LDRs

 

 

@ Erica

 

I have to say, my limited 'experience' has told me that the solution is silence My 'on-and-off-guy-friend-slash-crush-slash-boyfriend' and I have gone through periods of silence and these have always really made me realize my feelings for him. At the moment I'm trying to avoid talking to him in hopes that he will eventually stop liking me, thus reducing the overall...awkwardness >.< For you I think it's always a good idea to take a break from someone who makes you feel this mixed up. You like him, you don't like him, you don't want to like him, etc. As for the text message, it might be safe to say the reason it freaked you out was because you took it as him suggesting something. You either wanted him to be suggesting this because you do like him, or you were hoping he wasn't suggesting it because you don't like him enough for that. I don't know how you feel exactly but I can tell you that I have been the most confused person ever for, like, the past month because I didn't know how I felt. But things like that would always shake me up. "Is he implying something? What is he saying?" Well I would say if you two took a break from each other, you would have time to clear your head and figure things out. That usually seems to work.

[Syaoransbear]

Would it be a good idea to ask the guy I've previously mentioned to not talk to me for a while?

 

I realized I can't keep going on like this (me not talking to him much and not liking him, then he talks to me more and I start liking him again) after he accidentally sent me a text last night that he meant to send to someone else: "I think you need a bf." which totally freaked me out. I'm not sure exactly why it freaked me out so much, but it did, and I'm still freaked out about it.

 

I'm hoping if he stops talking to me for a bit, I might be able to let him go.... Could this possibly help?

I think if you told him not to talk to you, he might either become super desperate to talk to you and make it really difficult, or he'll get mad and see you as an enemy and start to treat you poorly. I don't think he would calmly listen to your request.

 

Instead of directly asking him not to talk to you, I would be more subtle about it and just try to drift away slowly. I would not engage in conversation with him, and if he says anything to you I would just give one-word responses like what he was doing.

Edited October 13, 2012 by Syaoransbear

[Gsea]

Yes, you probably wouldn't want to say up front "Don't talk to me." But instead, answer him less often and with less obvious interest so maybe he'll take a hint. And if you're the one to start the conversation, then don't start it at all. In person, don't directly ignore him, but try to be otherwise occupied, like talking to someone else instead of to him.

[eritated]

Yes, you probably wouldn't want to say up front "Don't talk to me." But instead, answer him less often and with less obvious interest so maybe he'll take a hint. And if you're the one to start the conversation, then don't start it at all. In person, don't directly ignore him, but try to be otherwise occupied, like talking to someone else instead of to him.

I think if you told him not to talk to you, he might either become super desperate to talk to you and make it really difficult, or he'll get mad and see you as an enemy and start to treat you poorly. I don't think he would calmly listen to your request.

 

I would not engage in conversation with him, and if he says anything to you I would just give one-word responses like what he was doing.

But the problem is, in homeroom, he comes over to talk to me. I can't walk away because I have no other friends in my homeroom. And I would feel bad for ignoring him /:

Edited October 13, 2012 by Erica8798

[Stunningfire]

Would it be a good idea to ask the guy I've previously mentioned to not talk to me for a while?

 

I realized I can't keep going on like this (me not talking to him much and not liking him, then he talks to me more and I start liking him again) after he accidentally sent me a text last night that he meant to send to someone else: "I think you need a bf." which totally freaked me out. I'm not sure exactly why it freaked me out so much, but it did, and I'm still freaked out about it.

 

I'm hoping if he stops talking to me for a bit, I might be able to let him go.... Could this possibly help?

I think so... as long as you're not rude about it or anything. I mean, he was rude to you before, and it obviously hurts.

So maybe tell him you think it'd be a good idea for you to not talk to him as much and that it's not that you hate him or anything. xP

[eritated]

Thanks to all of you so much for your input! I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do yet, but I'm probably just going to talk to him as little as possible for now.. (:

[Stunningfire]

Thanks to all of you so much for your input! I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do yet, but I'm probably just going to talk to him as little as possible for now.. (:

Okay, good choice. c; Good luck~ I think it'll work.

[MysticMusician]

There is this guy I like, he's younger than me though I'm in 8th he's in 7th. He's a good friend of mine I've known him for a few years now and I see him quite often about three days a week we have orchestra together and I usually walk down the hall with him after band or orchestra. He's the only other cello player so I sit right next to him. He's a rather quiet person and so am I but when I'm at orchestra we talk and laugh and have fun. I think he knows that I like him but I'm not sure how he feels about me. He does stuff for me like put my music away for me and things like that without me asking him to, and he's very nice but many times when we are walking down the hallway he won't talk to me at all when he had just been previously talking to me at orchestra. :/ Does anyone have any advice?

[Kyrieath]

There is this guy I like, he's younger than me though I'm in 8th he's in 7th. He's a good friend of mine I've known him for a few years now and I see him quite often about three days a week we have orchestra together and I usually walk down the hall with him after band or orchestra. He's the only other cello player so I sit right next to him. He's a rather quiet person and so am I but when I'm at orchestra we talk and laugh and have fun. I think he knows that I like him but I'm not sure how he feels about me. He does stuff for me like put my music away for me and things like that without me asking him to, and he's very nice but many times when we are walking down the hallway he won't talk to me at all when he had just been previously talking to me at orchestra. :/ Does anyone have any advice?

I'd suggest letting it ride for awhile more and seeing where it leads. A few weeks isn't much to go on, especially if you aren't meeting outside of school on even so much as the friend level. It's normal at your age to get a crush on a someone that's interested in the same things you are and who behaves pleasantly, but it's important for you yourself to decide if it is a simple crush or if there's a chance of it being more before you think ahead to a possible relationship.

 

Also- decide which is more important to you at this point in time before you decide to say anything or not: friend or boyfriend. It's hard to back step from boyfriend/girlfriend to friend for some people.

[armadillosushi]

There's this girl I have a crush on. We've known each other for years. She's really nice, and we're friends, but it's more like 'part of a large group of friends' than 'close friends'. It's like one of those cliche 'emotional torture' moments, but longer and drawn out. I feel like I always have to try and act normal so she doesn't catch on, because I don't want to lose my friends. I'm in 7th grade, so it's not exactly now or never, but I feel like I never have the courage to tell her I like her. And, since she and another of my friends are really close, some people (as a joke, no offense) started to call them lesbian. It's super awkward, because we're all girls! nothing against homosexuals but... I don't think she likes girls too...

Edited November 20, 2012 by armadillosushi

[IvanYouAteMySock]

OKay, it's been like 6 months now for my boyfriend and I and apparently he thought I was mad at him. Everyone was making me feel bad about it even though I WASN'T mad at him and I had NO idea what I even did to make him think that. My friend was like "Look, he's a sweet guy. Just try to be nicer to him." I don't know what I did. :/ So I felt bad about that.

Well, then my other friend told me today that when he first met us all, he didn't think my boyfriend and I were dating. He thought it was him and one of my other friends. But never once did he think that my boyfriend and I were dating. In fact, he didn't think I liked my boyfriend at all because I always seemed to be annoyed by him. Yes, he does get annoying at times but that's when he decides to be stupid. Anyway, and then my friend said that he bets by the end of the school year, my boyfriend is going to do something stuoid and I was going to most likely end up getting hurt.

Okay, yes, my boyfriend is stupid. But not stupid enough to do something to ruin our relationship.

I told my boyfriend about this and he got all sad thinking about it...we didn't even really talk about it because neither of us wants to think about it.

My friend tells me that he constantly worries about me since I'm in pain all the time because I have back problems and apparently I'm 99% of what he talks about. So, the thought of him doing something to hurt me and ruin our relationship it hard to believe, but it also pains me to think about it.

I don't know. today has been quite the odd day.

Oh, I got my first kiss a couple weeks ago. It made me happy.

My friend thinks that my other friend that told me he doesn't think my boyfriend and I aren't going to last very much longer likes me.

I'm so confused...