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Coelophysis

Sexual Orientation

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i'm currently torn between my sexuality, so im identifying as pansexual for now. i've had multiple girlfriends AND boyfriends, but i couldn't really care less for their gender. (not in a rude way though)

 

i now have a lovely girlfriend who i care dearly for uvu <3

 

so i guess i fit into the pansexual category ahaha

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Straight and completely supportive of all the different combinations of genders, sexualities, etc.

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I could never imagine having a relationship with another male, but I'm what I'd call a very confused completely certain heterosexual...bear with me here.

 

Before junior high, I didn't even know such things as homosexuality or bisexuality could even be possible. I believed everyone was straight all the time. It caught me by surprise when I learned of the possibilities in the most blindsided way possible (which I'm really not at liberty to disclose). Soon, I'm finding more and more people were not entirely heterosexual.

 

Today, I know so many that are in some way bisexual or entirely homosexual that I think I know more of them than I know heterosexual. Some of these people I pegged to be entirely heterosexual, and was surprised to find they weren't. And I'll be completely honest, although I'm very pro-rights and wish nothing but great things for everyone, I am actually frightened to be a minority. I feel comfortable when I am with the majority in most cases, and with this feel as though the trend has shifted away from a nearly 99% heterosexual population of my youth to my more mature years, I find myself wondering unavoidably if there's something wrong with me in the fact that I don't see what everyone else is seeing. Yet despite trying to see if my bicurious side actually exists, I keep ending up finding I'm completely heterosexual. I don't know if any of that makes any sense.

 

That being said, I have completely and hopelessly fallen for a bisexual female, and I love her all the same. Sure, I know I now have to watch everybody rather than just the male population, but that's just a small price to pay. The long and short of it is, I'm completely okay with other orientations, but at the same time I'm afraid I'm losing my identity.

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Honestly, human sexuality is often not black and white. There are many shades of each sexuality--you don't have to be 100% any sexuality.

 

But it's okay to be 100% heterosexual! Sexuality really isn't a big deal, despite what so many people want to claim about it. All it really dictates is who you find attractive on a sexual level. And... Well, it doesn't matter who you find sexually attractive so long as if you're in a relationship with them it's a positive one.

 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you if you're 100% heterosexual, though. That's perfectly fine, and is just as natural as somebody who isn't 100% heterosexual!

 

And, I think it's natural to be uncomfortable when you're in the minority. We naturally feel better when we're in groups, and when that group is similar to us then we feel even safer.

 

I also think it's natural to be surprised to learn other people aren't like you. It happens to all of us--when we encounter something we've never had experience before, it surprises us.

 

Also, don't be afraid to "lose your identity"! It can be scary to have a shift in how you see yourself, I know. It doesn't matter if it's sexuality or religion or political or some other way we define who we are. But it's also totally okay and natural to have a shift in your identity. Sexuality is also fluid at times--and there are honestly people who do find that their sexuality shifts. Not only that, but we all change our identities as we grow and learn more about the world and the people around us. It's completely natural. But, like I said, I get that it is scary when you realize those shifts. Often I find that they're subtle and we don't notice them, but it can be hard when we abruptly realize what's happening and that we're changing.

 

I think that it's not that there are more people who aren't heterosexual, it's that it's becoming more accepted that it's who they naturally are so they're simply becoming more open about it. Well, with an ever-increasing population I suppose it also makes sense that the numbers are increasing, too, ahahah.

Edited by KageSora

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I'm kinda just.... in an awkward position.

I dont really have any sexual feelings, but i do get attracted to some people. I cant truly be positive, but im pretty sure im homosexual. as i said, im not really that far as to have any sexual feelings, nor do i really want to express any attraction for the moment, because im just starting high school and i dont want to bring any negative attention to myself. blink.gif

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I'm kinda just.... in an awkward position.

I dont really have any sexual feelings, but i do get attracted to some people. I cant truly be positive, but im pretty sure im homosexual. as i said, im not really that far as to have any sexual feelings, nor do i really want to express any attraction for the moment, because im just starting high school and i dont want to bring any negative attention to myself. blink.gif

Maybe homoromantic (A person who is romantically attracted to a member of the same sex or gender, but doesn't have sexual feeling) would be a better way to describe what you are saying, or maybe heteroromantic (A person who is romantically attracted to a member of the opposite sex or gender).

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Welp I thought I was gay for about 25 years until I met my girlfriend, a trans woman, so I suppose I'm latently pansexual.

Yes I am attracted to pans. It's hard to explain my need for affection from kitchenware

Meeting her actually opened up my mind to a lot of possibilities, like that I can be with whoever I want and not be ashamed of myself (imagine that!).

We are best friends on every conceivable level. I never get tired of talking to her. I don't have a single other person in my life that I can talk about art, quantum computing, Higgs Boson, genetics, kitty cat behavior and how cute they are, cooking, racist parents, gender issues, international news, Japanese puns, and nostalgic school stories with, all in the same conversation. I think I've never been so comfortable with anyone in my life. OuO

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I really wish we didn't have to have lables. What's wrong with saying, I fell in love.......and that's it? Human falls in love with Human. Human likes girls, but found true love with boy. They are still Human.

 

Something like that. I can dream.

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I really wish we didn't have to have lables. What's wrong with saying, I fell in love.......and that's it? Human falls in love with Human. Human likes girls, but found true love with boy. They are still Human.

Labels can make people's lives easier, though. In my case, I find that is easier to openly state that I am heterosexual - so women will know there is no chance I am interested in them and men will know that I might be (given I am single at the time being).

 

I'll, however, also say that labels should always be given according to the person's own definition of oneself.

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I'll, however, also say that labels should always be given according to the person's own definition of oneself.

I agree. Personally, I'm more comfortable as labeling myself homosexual, and would only be comfortable with a partner with a label as well. But that's just my own preference. No one should feel they have to label themselves though...

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I wish I could call myself heterosexual, but I think I lean more towards asexual. There's a small fragment of my mind that thinks I might be bi-curious too, but that probably comes from reading too many kinky lemon!fics. -___- And yet I can't seem to find anyone for whom I'll fall head-over-heels, though that's probably just part of my personality and has nothing to do with my sexual orientation. There are some whom I think I might like to try the boyfriend/girlfriend level with, but I'm usually too shy to initiate (usually because I'm never convinced I know them well enough) and they're either not interested in me or already have their own girlfriends, which just falls under 'not interested in me'. And the one guy who was interested in me was a complete creep (and is now dating my best friend -__-). Which is why I'm convinced that I'm going to be one of those single old ladies with all those cats. :3

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I'm probably bi-curious leaning towards heterosexual. The problem is I've never really found myself in love with anyone, just mildly attracted. And the attraction stems to both sexes. Now that I think about it, I'm probably just biromantic asexual. I've been in relationships before but they've never evolved into anything and I've never had any intention of moving to the next step. I really want to label myself and be done with it but since I've never really been intimate with anyone, I can't fit myself under one classification.

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Ah KageSora ah you take the words out of my mouth so often on this topic.

 

Sexual attraction still kind of confuses me. I experience it with two separate SFW things but in such a mild way that I find it hard to imagine that anyone can get such strong feelings towards something that isn't explicitly pr0n, I guess.

 

Something pretty NSFW: Sock: Let's stay on the safe side. ^^ /Sock I don't feel asexual, though, as there are the two things I find attractive, so eh. It just seems kind of confusing to me :c I don't particularly care if you like men or women or plants, it's just kind of hard for me to comprehend. If that makes sense.

 

Also I've never gotten any romantic feels towards anyone so there's that too

 

Edit: Mods, if this is too borderline, feel free to edit it/delete it. I'm kind of unsure myself haha

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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I look at it kinda like... Some people can get enjoyment of a non-sexual kind out of looking at artistic nudity, other people can get non-sexual enjoyment out of things like RPing NSFW content or cybering.

 

I've RP'd and written NSFW content myself, but it wasn't for sexual gratification--I enjoy it on a non-sexual level.

 

So, there's nothing wrong with cybering and feeling nothing from it, IMO. It's not for everybody, either--just like most things in this world.

 

 

As for the "not feeling asexual because you've found some things sexually appealing"... If you mean this in a fetish context... You can still be asexual and have fetishes--there are plenty of us out there!

 

How I've understood it is like this:

 

Sexuality is who you're attracted to, not who/what you're active with.

 

So, you can be asexual and have fetishes if you aren't actually sexually attracted to other people. You can be asexual and have sex.

 

Like how if a person is bisexual, they don't suddenly become gay or straight depending on who they're sleeping with at the time--they stay bisexual.

 

Fetishes don't really count, IMO, towards sexual identity. They're part of sexuality, but not sexual orientation. (Again, IMO).

 

 

(if you meant something else, sorry for reading it wrong? Just that you mentioned SFW stuff you found attractive, so...?)

Edited by KageSora

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Mm, fair point.

 

I always interpreted asexuality as not feeling any sort of sexual feelings whatsoever? What is that called, then? And I wouldn't describe it as a fetish but I guess that's kinda close haha. I just meant things that weren't explicitly pr0n or overtly sexual.

 

I guess sexuality can always make me feel kind of uncomfortable. I never seem to be able to fit in with any sort of group haha.

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Mmm... Asexuality is a spectrum, not an absolute. :3

 

There ARE asexuals who feel absolutely no sexual desire at all--they not only have no sexual attraction to others, but they also have no sex drive.

 

However, it's possible to have a sex drive without being sexually attracted to other people. There are aces who masturbate, and there are aces who have sex even if they're not attracted to the other person. (Think like how a gay man can father children with a woman--he's still gay, even if he was able to have sex with a woman)

 

To me, the deciding factor is if you find yourself attracted to other people sexually or not--since, like I said, your orientation is who you're attracted to not who you do(n't) sleep with.

 

After all, you can have people of other sexualities ranging from incredibly high sex drives to all but non-existent.

 

So, if you don't have much or any sex drive you could very well be asexual--or you could just have a low or non-existent sex drive and not be asexual.

 

Being asexual doesn't have to mean that those parts don't work.

 

But sexuality IS a confusing and complex topic.

 

I wouldn't personally worry too much about not fitting in with one group. Labels should be there to help us relate to our world, not to force us into boxes we don't feel we fit in. :3

 

And, there's also the idea of "gray asexuality"--for the most part you don't feel sexual attraction to others people, but from time to time you do feel some.

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Much like every other sexuality, I suppose. I knew it was a spectrum, I just didn't know how far most people interpreted it haha. And I get the sex drive =/= sexuality thing, as I'm aware I have a sex drive, it's just the sexuality thing that I get confused with. X)

 

Oh my no. I'm not worried about fitting in with a group. The problem is I have no idea how I could label myself. i feel kind of awkward talking about this though hjgfds been pressured by some family members to be straight by another to be lesbian what is sexuality even hfff

 

It is a highly interesting topic, though, as is every part of the human mind. I enjoy learning about it, I just hate actually getting involved with it personally. xd.png

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Yeah, sexuality will confuse you. It's a real nasty one, it is. xd.png

 

You also don't have to use a label. Not everybody needs one, after all. :3

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Personally, no one should apologize for feelings. Actions, maybe, yeah, if they interfere with someone else, or harm, but feelings should never be ashamed of. You feel what you feel, and it's right for you. No one should judge anyone.

 

Everyone is unique, and perfect, in their own way. If two people find each other's uniqueness palatable, then great. If not, no problem. Just be you.

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Asexual and proud!

 

It took me the longest time to figure out that I was...growing up, I always felt really awkward when people talked about sex, or about liking girls, or guys, or whatever. Everyone tried to assure me that it was all because I hadn't "met the right guy yet", and it was only late last year that a friend suggested I might be asexual and directed me to a few websites.

 

Beforehand was really scary for me, because I was supposedly (according to my family) at that age where I should have been looking for a guyfriend to settle down and have kids with...and I tried dating a few guys, but I was just...never interested in them as anything more than friends, and since everyone kept telling me I needed to be thinking about being intimate with the men interested in me and I had no interest in that, I always felt...I don't know, sort of broken and less than whole and dysfunctional, I guess.

 

But then I found out that it IS a thing, and that it wasn't something to be ashamed of, and I must admit that I feel much more at peace now that I don't have to worry about forcing myself to do things I have no interest in to make myself seem "normal".

 

As for what sort of asexual I am...I'm not entirely sure yet. I've yet to meet any other asexual people, let alone talk with them at length or get to know them, but I do like to think I'm pretty open-minded? I have had romantic feelings for both guys and girls before, but that was before I knew what I am and I'm not sure how exactly that's changed anything yet.

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Derranged--you can be asexual and still have romantic feelings for people! Sexual and romantic orientation don't always line up.

 

It might be best, though, if you ARE interested in a romantic relationship to look inside the asexual community since from what I hear it's harder for aces to have relations with sexual people since the sexuals DO generally want sexual intimacy.

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There IS a difference between wanting to cuddle and talk, and doing the dirty. lol...

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