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Coelophysis

Sexual Orientation

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Well, things may change in the future. It also may not. You never know. I'm not really sure what I am really, but whatever I am may change. I don't really think relationships are stupid and pointless at all. Sometimes they are a good thing. I'm just a bit confussed on what I want.

 

I also don't think it matters much what I am anyway. I am what I am, whether there's a name for it or not. Anyway, I doubt I will change. You may think, "Oh, whatever. Your only 14. You don't know what you are talking about." but there are many reasons I think I won't change my sexual orientation... whatever it may be at the moment... But again, things can always change.

 

(Now I think I might gray-asexual...)

To be honest, I don't believe people who claim to be asexual when they haven't finished puberty. This is probably super not "politically correct" but whatever. I'm fully willing to accept that you can be aware of being gay or not when young, but I don't think it's the same for asexual. I won't say "you need to have had sex before you can claim to be asexual!" but I do thing you need to be done with puberty.

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To be honest, I don't believe people who claim to be asexual when they haven't finished puberty. This is probably super not "politically correct" but whatever. I'm fully willing to accept that you can be aware of being gay or not when young, but I don't think it's the same for asexual. I won't say "you need to have had sex before you can claim to be asexual!" but I do thing you need to be done with puberty.

I knew I was asexual before I was 14.

 

But besides - even if they aren't asexual later, what is wrong with them identifying as asexual now if that's what they feel fits them best and want to use it? They've admitted they know things may change later - and that is far more than they needed to do. So why does it matter all that much, especially to you? The labels we use for identity should be for our purposes, not a box someone else thinks we should be shoved into.

 

They're at a point where they're thinking about orientation and labels, and that's good enough for them to use the asexual label for me.

 

Well, things may change in the future. It also may not. You never know. I'm not really sure what I am really, but whatever I am may change. I don't really think relationships are stupid and pointless at all. Sometimes they are a good thing. I'm just a bit confussed on what I want.

 

I also don't think it matters much what I am anyway. I am what I am, whether there's a name for it or not. Anyway, I doubt I will change. You may think, "Oh, whatever. Your only 14. You don't know what you are talking about." but there are many reasons I think I won't change my sexual orientation... whatever it may be at the moment... But again, things can always change.

 

(Now I think I might gray-asexual...)

 

Well, your romantic and sexual orientation isn't really dependent on whether or not you want a relationship - it's what kind (or not!) of romantic attraction and sexual attraction you experience. You can be sexual or asexual and not want a relationship. And that's perfectly fine. :3

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

I meant to share this earlier, but kept forgetting.

 

An Open Letter to Teenage Asexuals: http://hubpages.com/hub/An-Open-Letter-to-Asexual-Teenagers

 

Probably many of us aces here will find that article just spilled what our teen years were like. When I shared it on fb, my friends thought I *had* written it until it mentioned the 80s!

 

Just thought some here might appreciate it, especially those of you either curious about asexuality or wondering if you might perhaps fall on the asexual spectrum.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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So I don't know whether I'm bi or pan. On the one hand, I'd be fine with dating or marrying a woman. On the other, I'd also be fine with dating or marrying anyone else in the gender spectrum. All that matters to me is that we can both get along and that we genuinely care for each other. Is it possible to be both?

 

I'm also a little confused on whether I might be aromantic or not. That's where you're interested in sex but not a relationship, right? I've never dated anyone, never had any interest in dating anyone, and I would be perfectly fine going my whole life without a steady romantic partner. It's just there's also a little niggling part of me that believes in the whole soulmates idea and craves companionship, whether it's sexual or not. So it's a little frustrating to look at people and think they're sexy but not being able to picture myself asking them out or vice versa.

 

That all sounds really controversial but it was also nice to finally put it into actual words instead of conflicted feelings.

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So I don't know whether I'm bi or pan. On the one hand, I'd be fine with dating or marrying a woman. On the other, I'd also be fine with dating or marrying anyone else in the gender spectrum. All that matters to me is that we can both get along and that we genuinely care for each other. Is it possible to be both?

 

I'm also a little confused on whether I might be aromantic or not. That's where you're interested in sex but not a relationship, right? I've never dated anyone, never had any interest in dating anyone, and I would be perfectly fine going my whole life without a steady romantic partner. It's just there's also a little niggling part of me that believes in the whole soulmates idea and craves companionship, whether it's sexual or not. So it's a little frustrating to look at people and think they're sexy but not being able to picture myself asking them out or vice versa.

 

That all sounds really controversial but it was also nice to finally put it into actual words instead of conflicted feelings.

Well, bi means attraction to two genders while pan means to more than two. However, the lines between them are often blurred and some people may technically fall under the pan umbrella but choose to identify with bi and vise versa.

 

Also aromantic means that you don't feel romantic attraction. So an aromantic sexual (heterosexual/homosexual/bisexual/pansexual - whatever kind of sexual) would be someone who experiences sexual attraction but no romantic attraction. Maybe they want a sexual relationship. Maybe not.

 

I think people are confusing what asexual and aromantic means - it's not wanting or not wanting a relationship. It has to do with orientation - who you're romantically/sexually (or not!) attracted to.

 

And keep in mind that asexuals may still have a sex drive or libido, so they may not experience any sexual attraction, but they might still feel sexual desire (and may fulfill that with relationships to others or on their own). Some asexuals such as myself are libido-less.

 

Perhaps you should look into demiromantic or gray asexuality? But if you've no romantic attraction (which is what it sounds like from your description), that would indeed be aromantic.

 

Nothing wrong with wanting a relationship - romantic, sexual, or platonic in any case. :3

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I wasn't taking offense, I just wanted to explain why it's not the walk in the park some people assume it is, and that it comes with it's own issues that can be just as problematic to deal with as what some people assume they'd escape.

 

 

It really does, though, depend on what you're going through. Being asexual might help in that regard, or it could do absolutely nothing for you and instead ad an extra layer of trouble to deal with.

I do not mean any offense either. Sorry if anyone misunderstood.

 

I didn't mean that it would fix all my problems, or even really that it would remove all sexual attraction. I'd really rather not say what I mean, it makes me feel way too uncomfortable, especially in public.

 

I do believe it would help in my case, it would help a lot. The problems that I experience, mental BTW, probably wouldn't have come about in the first place if I were asexual.

There's a lot of things like that. Problems I wouldn't have if I were just this or only that. And if I were any of them, I would stop being me. So yeah, I wish I were asexual. Unfortunately, I also happen to actually be me.

 

Also, I really wouldn't mind people trying to tell me that I shouldn't/can't be asexual.

If they have a good reason, then they're probably right. I don't give a crap.

If they don't have a good reason, they can burn. I don't give a crap.

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Well, bi means attraction to two genders while pan means to more than two. However, the lines between them are often blurred and some people may technically fall under the pan umbrella but choose to identify with bi and vise versa.

 

Also aromantic means that you don't feel romantic attraction. So an aromantic sexual (heterosexual/homosexual/bisexual/pansexual - whatever kind of sexual) would be someone who experiences sexual attraction but no romantic attraction. Maybe they want a sexual relationship. Maybe not.

 

I think people are confusing what asexual and aromantic means - it's not wanting or not wanting a relationship. It has to do with orientation - who you're romantically/sexually (or not!) attracted to.

 

And keep in mind that asexuals may still have a sex drive or libido, so they may not experience any sexual attraction, but they might still feel sexual desire (and may fulfill that with relationships to others or on their own). Some asexuals such as myself are libido-less.

 

Perhaps you should look into demiromantic or gray asexuality? But if you've no romantic attraction (which is what it sounds like from your description), that would indeed be aromantic.

 

Nothing wrong with wanting a relationship - romantic, sexual, or platonic in any case. :3

I'm certain I'm not gray-asexual. I definitely like and want sex, no doubt there. Demiromantic sounds better. I cannot see myself taking a random stranger to bed, but a casual relationship with a friend or acquaintance is something I can.

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lulz I'm bi. I might be pan, but I've never really known many people who were trans, etc, so I don't really know. I've never thought about it before. XD I guess I'd be fine with anyone regardless of gender. o3o

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I have a question about my own orientation, specifically I want help identifying exactly what I am. I know I like guys- I like the penor... but I have no problem with the person having been born female or if they have/had both sets, but I would prefer them not to have boobs. So, am I still just normal hetero or does that make me something else?

Edited by Cecona

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I do not mean any offense either. Sorry if anyone misunderstood.

 

I didn't mean that it would fix all my problems, or even really that it would remove all sexual attraction. I'd really rather not say what I mean, it makes me feel way too uncomfortable, especially in public.

 

I do believe it would help in my case, it would help a lot. The problems that I experience, mental BTW, probably wouldn't have come about in the first place if I were asexual.

There's a lot of things like that. Problems I wouldn't have if I were just this or only that. And if I were any of them, I would stop being me. So yeah, I wish I were asexual. Unfortunately, I also happen to actually be me.

 

Also, I really wouldn't mind people trying to tell me that I shouldn't/can't be asexual.

If they have a good reason, then they're probably right. I don't give a crap.

If they don't have a good reason, they can burn. I don't give a crap.

At this point, as a user and an asexual (not as a mod), I'm going to ask you to please. just. stop. Apologizing because we "misunderstood" isn't an apology, so I can't accept it.

 

You are not understanding that if you were asexual you wouldn't find things easier. You'd find them different. If you had always been asexual, you'd have no reference point for how things could be different. If for whatever reason you started to feel asexual, it might feel easier for a while, but then you'd have a different crop of problems. They'd be different. That's all. I am really tired of being told that my problems are so easy to handle. Asexuals do not come from a position of privilege, and I'm getting really frustrated with people acting like we do. Our lives aren't easier. We aren't less distracted. We are just a little bit different and we have different issues to deal with. It's not easy to be any sexual minority. =\

 

You can say you wouldn't mind it now because when people say that, it doesn't affect you. It can and does affect me when people say I'm not real, just like when people insist they wish they were asexual because things would be so much easier. As if my problems, the struggles and hurdles in my life are nothing, because who cares about asexuals, right? We don't experience sexual attraction and therefore have no feelings and can go through our easy, distraction-less lives because at least we aren't sexual, when we might have real problems. (It's hard for those of us that don't exist to have real problems.)

 

So please, just stop. You want to continue to wish you were asexual? Fine. You want to continue to insist it would be so much easier? Fine. Please do so in quiet, though.

 

I'm certain I'm not gray-asexual. I definitely like and want sex, no doubt there. Demiromantic sounds better. I cannot see myself taking a random stranger to bed, but a casual relationship with a friend or acquaintance is something I can.

 

Whatever works for you! Labels are difficult sometimes because to get something that truly describes us, we may have to pick up quite a few. x3

 

I have a question about my own orientation, specifically I want help identifying exactly what I am. I know I like guys... but I have no problem with the person having been born female or if they have/had both sets, but I would prefer them not to have boobs. So, am I still just normal hetero or does that make me something else?

 

If you're female and you experience attraction to males, that is the description of hetero-. Being a transmale doesn't make them less of a male. There's a lot of roots in cissexism when people are only accepting of cis partners because they don't consider trans* or other non-binary partners of x gender really that gender, actually.

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If you're female and you experience attraction to males, that is the description of hetero-. Being a transmale doesn't make them less of a male. There's a lot of roots in cissexism when people are only accepting of cis partners because they don't consider trans* or other non-binary partners of x gender really that gender, actually.

Though I don't believe this is exactly a /bad/ thing in this case, to know if you only want a cis partner. I wouldn't exactly call it sexism. There's a lot of reason hetero people may only want a cis partner. For example, maybe they're just really set on having children?

 

Yeah, some of them don't really see them as male, but not all of them. Some people just know their boundaries. I believe a person can prefer cis partners and still be accepting of trans and all that.

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I believe Sock only meant that people that are cissexist will not see a trans person as the gender they want to be identified as. Not that all cis people are like that.

Edited by Cecona

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@Sock

 

Mkay. I will stop.

 

I can't understand right now, and I probably never will.

And you're right, I'm not asexual, so I don't know what it's like.

I can see that I'm upsetting you, and thus, despite being incapable of understanding, I'll just shut up.

I wish I could understand better, referring to the bit about being told your not real and such, but my feelings burned away a while ago. :/

(I'm really bad at shutting up, cutting myself off here before I end up saying something stupid)

 

Hope things improve for you at least smile.gif

 

P.S. I'm fairly certain I'm incapable of a sincere apology. So you're probably right not to accept one from me

 

EDIT: All that aside, how does someone who is unsure of their gender identify their sexuality?

Edited by MasterWeavile898

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I'm pansexual married to a hetero?(almost asexual) man. I also don't feel that I am any particular gender, though my body says I am female. Honestly, I have no gender identity whatsoever. I enjoy and participate in activities, customs and behaviors of both male and female, and do not feel particularly masculine or feminine. Honestly, I really don't care. I've always been this way. I just feel if you aren't hurting anyone, do what you want.

 

Edit, just found a term for my gender identity: androgyne

Edited by unforgotten13

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EDIT: All that aside, how does someone who is unsure of their gender identify their sexuality?

Gender, sex, and sexuality are three separate things, which is something that I don't think we're taught young enough or often enough, if at all.

 

So, there's not necessarily a conflict. You can feel uncertain of how you identify your gender (male, female, androgyne, etc.) and yet know precisely who you are physically, sexually attracted to. I.e., you might be born cis-male (with built-in male body parts), know that you feel a sexual attraction towards women, and still be unsure if you feel yourself to be male.

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@TPAM

Yeah, I got that part smile.gif

 

Allow me to clarify.

The words for defining your sexuality are based around your gender. Or at least the words for being attracted to a single sex. So what words would someone who is unsure of their gender use to identify themselves?

 

Hope that's clearer this time

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@TPAM

Yeah, I got that part smile.gif

 

Allow me to clarify.

The words for defining your sexuality are based around your gender. Or at least the words for being attracted to a single sex. So what words would someone who is unsure of their gender use to identify themselves?

 

Hope that's clearer this time

Someone in that position doesn't have to adopt any label yet. I mean, rather than saying "I'm gay" or "I'm a lesbian" or "I'm straight," they can just say "I like men" or "I'm attracted to people regardless of sex," for instance.

 

Labels aren't always necessary, so long as you can communicate what you need/want to.

 

Did that address what you meant to address?

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Yes, thank you. smile.gif

 

I am probably a horrible person for this, but I do kind of need labels. I guess I'll just have to live with it tongue.gif

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So, now that I'm in a relationship, self-discovery abounds.

And with this I'm becoming more and more convinced that I am actually asexual but demi heteroromantic. Although interestingly enough, I didn't know him very well before we started dating and even though I said yes to him I didn't really feel anything for him beyond platonic. But now that we've been together for awhile (three weeks? LOL) and we've gotten to know each other better I'm definitely a lot more into him than I was before.

 

I dunno. Stuff. lol

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@ Snickie

Well, as I'm sure you know by now, it is definitely totally possible for you to be romantically attracted to him, as more than just a friend, but in an asexual way. There's really such a huge spectrum for sexuality, from actual sexuality - asexual vs. sexual - to what gender/sex/etc. you're attracted to.

 

It's good that you have begun to realize those things about yourself, and it's good that the experience of being around him helped bring that out. Self discovery is an endless process. I wouldn't have known I wasn't straight until I had my first crush on a girl in 6th grade, and I didn't even realize I'd had stronger-than-friends feelings for her until a year later. And I wouldn't have known to identify as pansexual if I'd never done my research and thought about my feelings/past experiences. I still identify as pan even though I'm dating a girl.

 

...

 

I have some questions that came up during a discussion with my parents about transgender people, in general, as I was speaking about my friend's boyfriend (FtM) and my dad about his friend's FtM boyfriend.

 

If someone (we will call them A) identifies as a cisgender female lesbian, and is attracted to girls, but is dating a FtM transgender (whom will we call B, and is genitally female but identifies overall and dressed/acted as a 'typical' male): would A still be technically a lesbian because she is dating someone genitally female, or would it make sense for A to be straight because she is dating someone who is male in every sense but genitally?

 

I think it would depend just on whatever A feels comfortable identifying as, though in public they would appear as a straight couple, until the observer finds out that B is FtM. But I know someone who is in this situation in real life, and she still calls herself a lesbian, but her boyfriend is a boyfriend. So it makes me curious about how technical the definition of 'girl attracted to girl' is.

 

edit:

After just scanning through this page of the thread, I think the discussion between Cecona and Sock is basically the same as what I was asking ^^

As to what Sock said, that heterosexual females are attracted to males and that being transmale doesn't make anyone less male: that's what I thought. My only remaining question now is that, if by definition the person A is heterosexual because she is dating a transmale, why does she still identify as lesbian? She has also been attracted to cisgender females before, so if anything she would be bisexual, or even pansexual would be more fitting. Either she just prefers the lesbian label, or she hasn't had this self-revelation many of us have when we figure out our sexuality =P

Edited by glamoursea2

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Why jump straight to heterosexual (word play intended) - what happened to bi or pan? =o

 

In the end, though, yeah, labels should be for yourself, so it may be true that your friend is more comfortable with labeling herself lesbian than as anything else. Personally, in such a situation, I would just hope that both of the people in the relationship are okay with it - the transpartner knows the cispartner isn't labeling one way because they don't really accept them as trans*, for example, but for their own comfort.

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Why jump straight to heterosexual (word play intended) - what happened to bi or pan? =o

 

In the end, though, yeah, labels should be for yourself, so it may be true that your friend is more comfortable with labeling herself lesbian than as anything else. Personally, in such a situation, I would just hope that both of the people in the relationship are okay with it - the transpartner knows the cispartner isn't labeling one way because they don't really accept them as trans*, for example, but for their own comfort.

Ah, that was bad wording - I should have said in a heterosexual relationship, instead of generalizing her as heterosexual overall, which wouldn't even be accurate considering her past romantic feelings for cisgender females.

 

Yeah, I don't really know her partner all too well, so I wouldn't know his opinion on how she identifies. But the entire situation confused me, because I tend to get far too technical, and it's easy for me to forget that it's all up to whatever she wants to identify as, instead of what she would 'technically' be.

 

Thanks for clarifying it a bit c:

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I have some questions that came up during a discussion with my parents about transgender people, in general, as I was speaking about my friend's boyfriend (FtM) and my dad about his friend's FtM boyfriend.

 

If someone (we will call them A) identifies as a cisgender female lesbian, and is attracted to girls, but is dating a FtM transgender (whom will we call B, and is genitally female but identifies overall and dressed/acted as a 'typical' male): would A still be technically a lesbian because she is dating someone genitally female, or would it make sense for A to be straight because she is dating someone who is male in every sense but genitally?

 

I think it would depend just on whatever A feels comfortable identifying as, though in public they would appear as a straight couple, until the observer finds out that B is FtM. But I know someone who is in this situation in real life, and she still calls herself a lesbian, but her boyfriend is a boyfriend. So it makes me curious about how technical the definition of 'girl attracted to girl' is.

 

edit:

After just scanning through this page of the thread, I think the discussion between Cecona and Sock is basically the same as what I was asking ^^

As to what Sock said, that heterosexual females are attracted to males and that being transmale doesn't make anyone less male: that's what I thought. My only remaining question now is that, if by definition the person A is heterosexual because she is dating a transmale, why does she still identify as lesbian? She has also been attracted to cisgender females before, so if anything she would be bisexual, or even pansexual would be more fitting. Either she just prefers the lesbian label, or she hasn't had this self-revelation many of us have when we figure out our sexuality =P

I definitely think it's possible for people to be bi/pan, but to have a strong preference, which is what that situation sounds like to me. Personally, I would call it "flexible" (homoflexible or heteroflexible). I consider myself heteroflexible xd.png. I'm mainly attracted to men, but I'm kind of attracted to women, and I could see myself in a relationship with one if I might the right one. Whether or not she's trans wouldn't change the matter.

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I went from thinking of myself as lesbian-maybe-bi to thinking more along pan-lines when I fell for a MtF transgender. Sexual orientation can be very fluid.

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