Posted January 8, 2011 That's why I made it hard to find, she can only get it when she knows the person better then herself, and she wouldn't controll her companions. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) Now can I have a recap or shall I continue reading the pages, I am currently at.... page 11. Thankies Edit: Nevermind Edited January 8, 2011 by warewolves Share this post Link to post
Posted January 8, 2011 Ummm well the main parts are that a lot of people are in the lobby speaking and you need to check in with the drag anthro. Both teams had killed their own monster and have returned. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 8, 2011 Haha, I am holding off my posts until either Jaina or Kira posts. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 8, 2011 Btw what kind of connection do they have and what was she telling him with her eyes? Share this post Link to post
Posted January 10, 2011 ffffffff must post. I'll go read up on what's been happening. oh and do we have our monsters yet? I can't wait for them to go out and kill some stuff again~ Share this post Link to post
Posted January 11, 2011 What wars? And Kira if you feel inclined to go grammar Nazi, please do. I ain't the best writer and I do want to learn, hence the reason I am here. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 11, 2011 really, you don't mind? I give you fair warning, I will go all out on your posts if you let me~ The Jackal sighed and looked off briefly before turning back and chuckling. He had sighed about what Mitosu had said. She had saved him once, at the price of his biggest secret and wouldn't let him forget it. He turned his head slightly at Zhiess and his eyes flickered to Signum and back. "Fine. Though don't expect me to be too friendly." Jackal smiled, "I am not a team person, I am sure my past.. partners can vouch for that." He chuckled again and putting his head back. First sentence, you used "and" twice. Generally, it's best to avoid doing that. Also, try making a sentence without using "and". Third sentence, that comma after "once" doesn't need to be there. Where his eyes are flicker back and forth between Zhiess and Signum there, two "and"s there again. See I said "flicker back and forth" there? That's a much better way to phrase the way when someone is looking to one person, then another, then back. When he first speaks, put a comma after "friendly" and keep the "Jackal smiled,". And ellipses require three dots, not two, and no spaces after it. So it should look like this: ""Fine. Though don't expect me to be too friendly," Jackal smiled, "I am not a team person, I am sure my past...partners can vouch for that." For more detail where he paused there, you could do something like: "I am not a team person, I am sure my past," he paused for a moment here, glancing over at Signum, "partners can vouch for that." To me, ellipses are kind of an ugly thing. >w< Last sentence. What? "and putting"? That's not good grammar. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 11, 2011 Thanks I will go edit, but yeah go all out. I type the way I speak and that makes it hard in roleplays. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 11, 2011 I'm glad you don't mind, 'cause some people get a stick up their @ss when you try to correct them. >w< Share this post Link to post
Posted January 11, 2011 Ha I know. But I am a junior in high school with exit level exams coming up soon and I really want to pass them >.> Share this post Link to post
Posted January 11, 2011 Ah, that is a good idea. Though, since it's high school, it shouldn't be too hard. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 11, 2011 I have done ok with my others but I am going to college also and that is neede. Edited check and tell me if it is good and I think something there might cause you to want to slightly change your post. I don't know. I will post again after I get a response to this. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 12, 2011 No, I think my post is good. Zhiess doesn't know about Jackal's past partners dying. He just thinks that Jackal is one of those loners who just hates working with others. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 12, 2011 ffffffff must post. I'll go read up on what's been happening. oh and do we have our monsters yet? I can't wait for them to go out and kill some stuff again~ I have a few shoddy photos of them... o.o Just need to remember what they were called... x.x I'll prolly edit the 'monster' section of the thread in a little while. c: Share this post Link to post
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