Description Force!

[Dirtytabs]

Nearly 0

[Obscure_Trash]

To be exact, it's 264 at the moment, which is less of a backlog and more a day or two of writing. =)

 

You can thank Earth Gurl for that!

[Lagie]

That's so awesome!  Thanks, Earth Gurl! (And Sockmeister - I know you did some, too!)

I do try to keep up with my reviewing so I reach the end of the queue every day.

[Obscure_Trash]

I'm messing around with roles on the discord. If you're on, you should stop by and request any appropriate ones. Trying to make it easy to identify other writers, reviewers, and see who will help you proofread.

I could also make some more channels, if anybody is interested in an expansion. o3o

[Earth Gurl]

On 7/24/2017 at 6:11 AM, SheridanCharon said:

So, I have a question.

 

I was doing some reviewing earlier, and despite one or two that used first person, most weren't too bad. But I found one which, while relatively well-written, is on a drake and the description seems to be a bit too...intelligent? From my understanding, drakes are compared to dogs in regards to intelligence, but this description is of a Dragon able to read, speak and cast spells. So would that be a reject on grounds of being out of character for the breed?

 

I reject all drakes who are portrayed as being very intelligent (able to have conversations with others). I can bring this up to other mods and we can coordinate and perhaps change the rule if necessary. 

[love_HP]

Thank you so much for the numbers!

[Dirtytabs]

You've been very, very busy, Mathcat.

[SheridanCharon]

I read a description yesterday that was literally just "Blah blah blah....." Um, okay?

[Mathcat]

I still have 1650 dragons that need descriptions, so I'm trying to get through as many as I can while I have a little extra time for writing.

 

(Also, a note for some frequent commenters. While many of my current descriptions are quite short, they're not too short to get approved. I have seen approved descriptions that were even shorter. I appreciate that there is at least one person who would like to see a lot of the two-sentence descriptions expanded, but with 1650 dragons that need describing, I need to keep most of what I write short if I want to make any progress. I'd like to get my personal backlog down to, say, double digits before I do any extensive revision.)

[Wizzie]

Hi hello! Could I ask for some help? I wrote a description for one of my favourite dragons, Zenithal Zealot, but I have some problems with editing it. There were some questions at first, but I had to change them to regular sentences, and sometimes I get impression that they really stand out and ruin everything. A lot of comments said that I have to use complete sentences and I'm not sure if I get the definition right and wrote them right. After the last edit moderator (and few users) said that the description is fine, but some sentences need some refining, and they proposed asking for some help in this thread - so here I am!
Thank you for your time and help in advance, here is the description:

 

Zenith - some tend to say an imaginary point, directly above something somewhere where the world above doesn't make sense at all. Imaginary points, imaginary celestial spheres and forces behind gravitation may not satisfy one. May leave with some sort yearning towards deeper cognizance.
Imagine what if another incredibly wise and eloquent Mageia will try to learn more than the shallow dragons around could possibly teach him. If he will doubt everything you can possibly doubt. If great wisdom is sometimes paired with a somehow childish way of questioning world. 
Not many can remember Zenithal Zealot from his youthful days, as he is one of the few first. He was brought from deserts when breath was cold and sunlight short. He gave himself teachings and a name, he questioned other's words and created beliefs, he witnessed it all, and thanks to him this day the Zenith to dragons from around here is something much more than just a point on the sky...

[Dirtytabs]

Quote

Zenith - some tend to say an imaginary point, directly above something somewhere where the world above doesn't make sense at all. Imaginary points, imaginary celestial spheres and forces behind gravitation may not satisfy one. May leave with some sort of yearning towards deeper cognizance.
Imagine: what if another incredibly wise and eloquent Mageia were to try to learn more than the shallow dragons around could possibly teach him. If he were to doubt everything you could possibly doubt. If great wisdom were sometimes paired with a somehow childish way of questioning the world. 
Not many can remember Zenithal Zealot from his youthful days, as he is one of the few first. He was brought from deserts when breath was cold and sunlight short. He gave himself teachings and a name, he questioned others' words and created beliefs, he witnessed it all, and thanks to him, this day the Zenith to dragons from around here is something much more than just a point on the sky...

 

I like the style! I've made a few additions/changes in red above. The second sentence in the first paragraph and the second paragraph can each work as a single sentence, too:

Imaginary points, imaginary celestial spheres and forces behind gravitation may not satisfy one, may leave with some sort of yearning towards deeper cognizance.

Imagine: what if another incredibly wise and eloquent Mageia were to try to learn more than the shallow dragons around could possibly teach him, if he were to doubt everything you could possibly doubt, if great wisdom were sometimes paired with a somehow childish way of questioning the world.

They may be more easily understood as long sentences, but I think either way works.

[Wizzie]

Thank you so much for your help, Dirtytabs!

[Dirtytabs]

I just saw it come through the description queue. Tossed an Approve at it, of course.

Edited August 6, 2017 by Dirtytabs

[Herk]

Public Service Announcement:

 

The Descripdoom Dischord is out of order for reasonsTM (of purely technical nature)

 

We'll announce as soon as it's available again.

 

OK here it is: 

 

DescripdoomDischord

 

Roles and subchannels will return as soon as people rejoined

Edited August 7, 2017 by herk

[Wolfarick]

Hey, someone mentioned this thread, and I decided to check it out. I looked through it a bit, and I decided to write a description for one of my dragons. Can I have some critique for my description? I want to know if there's anything I could word better or if I'm missing words. I was also trying to avoid passive voice, but I'm not very good at recognizing it, so correct anything if you can. Also, tell me if I can fix some paragraphing.

 

Stardust was originally given to his clan from another as an egg. When he hatched, he was quite calm for a young hatchling but curious as any other, and even as a newborn hatchling, the intricate designs on his back shimmered brightly like stardust, earning his name. The many dragons of the clan brought him to a cave where he stayed as they took turns helping nurture the young dragon.
As Stardust grew old enough to leave his cave, away from his frequent changing caretakers, he enjoyed exploring and finding all new things that he never saw in his cave. Most times though, he loved listening to the older dragons' tales of their adventures throughout their lives. When his wings began to color, the elders had told him he was a descendant of two extremely rare and beautiful dragons which earned the last part of his name.
Now fully grown, he every so often leaves the clan to explore the world, so when he returns, he brings back exciting stories to tell young dragons.

Edited August 10, 2017 by Wolfarick

[Dirtytabs]

"away from his frequent changing caretakers" -> "away from his frequently changing caretakers" perhaps?

Looks good to me.

 

Edit: Ah ha ha, EG, I'm not picky about long sentences as long as they're properly built. There's no harm in splitting the second sentence into two shorter sentences.

Edited August 11, 2017 by Dirtytabs

[Earth Gurl]

Quote

Stardust came to his clan as a gifted egg from another clan. When he hatched, he was quite calm for a young hatchling but as curious as any other, and even as a newborn hatchling, the intricate designs on his back shimmered brightly like stardust, earning him his name. The many dragons of the clan brought him to a cave where he stayed as they took turns helping nurture the young dragon.
As Stardust grew old enough to leave his cave, away from his frequently changing caretakers, he enjoyed exploring and finding new things that he had never seen. Most of all, he loved listening to the older dragons' tales of their past adventures. When his wings began to color, the elders told him that he was a descendant of two extremely rare and beautiful dragons, which earned him the last part of his name.
Now fully grown, he sometimes leaves the clan to explore the world, and when he returns, he brings back exciting stories to tell young dragons.

 

I cut down on the wordiness, but I'm not sure how to reword the first sentence to not be awkward. I honestly just probably stared at it too long.

TBE; Tabs just posted and mine is probably inferior.  

 

Also if you want to keep your descrip as-is it's fine other than the "frequently" thing.

Edited August 11, 2017 by Earth Gurl

[Wolfarick]

3 hours ago, Dirtytabs said:

"away from his frequent changing caretakers" -> "away from his frequently changing caretakers" perhaps?

Looks good to me.

 

Edit: Ah ha ha, EG, I'm not picky about long sentences as long as they're properly built. There's no harm in splitting the second sentence into two shorter sentences.

Okay, sounds good. Nice to have an extra set of eyes.

 

As for the second sentence, I'll split it into two. It is grammatically correct, but it's just long. I see no harm in splitting it.

 

3 hours ago, Earth Gurl said:

 

I cut down on the wordiness, but I'm not sure how to reword the first sentence to not be awkward. I honestly just probably stared at it too long.

TBE; Tabs just posted and mine is probably inferior.  

 

Also if you want to keep your descrip as-is it's fine other than the "frequently" thing.

Yeah, I see what you mean by the first sentence being awkward. I'll probably change it to "Stardust came as a gift from another clan".

 

Edit: Also, thank you both for your feedback. ^-^

Edited August 11, 2017 by Wolfarick

[Wolfarick]

Question, is the Discord that herk posted the same one as Sock was working on? Or is that a different one?

[Earth Gurl]

6 hours ago, Wolfarick said:

Question, is the Discord that herk posted the same one as Sock was working on? Or is that a different one?

 

It's a different one because Sock started the other and she wanted to leave it, so Herk had to begin a new one. The other one doesn't exist anymore.  

 

9 hours ago, Wolfarick said:

Yeah, I see what you mean by the first sentence being awkward. I'll probably change it to "Stardust came as a gift from another clan".

 

And omg that sounds great. Idk I'm off my game. Your description was fine, I just edited for flow. I would have accepted as-is.

[TheTrueMilkyBeast]

Um, I'm here from the dragon requests thread. It says there that I can come here and ask someone for help with the description for my dragon species. The thing is, I'm from Ukraine and though I speak English quite well I sometimes have troubles with laying out my thoughts... So can I PM someone to consult for help?

[Earth Gurl]

6 hours ago, ThermoDanone said:

Um, I'm here from the dragon requests thread. It says there that I can come here and ask someone for help with the description for my dragon species. The thing is, I'm from Ukraine and though I speak English quite well I sometimes have troubles with laying out my thoughts... So can I PM someone to consult for help?

 

You can PM me any time you need.   I'll be happy to help with proofreading/anything you need.

[TheTrueMilkyBeast]

3 minutes ago, Earth Gurl said:

 

You can PM me any time you need.   I'll be happy to help with proofreading/anything you need.

Thank you! As soon as I get to the computer, I'll share the descriptions I made with you

[purpledragonclaw]

My time has finally opened back up, so I'm back to reviewing descriptions. It's so refreshing to see the lack of queue.

 

Does anyone still want to do a description review like we did when we had the backlog? I'm still up for it for old-time's sake.

[Earth Gurl]

I could let them build up for a couple weeks. We actually get about 100 a week I think. (Or more) Then we could run a review thing. Rn we have 9 in the queue.