Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[catstaff]

Of course! I do, anyway.

 

Why wouldn't we have them handy?

[Lagie]

Because.

 

How do we use them?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

You use them to beat the flames out, of course.

 

Who needs written instructions?

[Lagie]

Nobody. Nobody reads them.

 

Where's the water?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

In the faucet.

 

What smells like melting plastic?

[catstaff]

Melting plastic, of course!

 

Who put the tupperware in the oven?

[Elnath]

Idk but they must have had at least one hand to open the oven so we're looking for a suspect with at least one hand 🕵️

 

How many hands do you have?

Edited December 6, 2021 by w0rmg0d

[Docthings]

Counting the ones that formed due to radiation exposure, 2.

 

Who wants to give me a high five?

[catstaff]

No one, you're too tall to reach for a high five.

 

Would you consider a low five instead?

[Docthings]

I would, if my knees didn't hurt when I bend down to your puny level.

 

Would you consider climbing a ladder to give me a high five?

[catstaff]

I would if I didn't have permanent hardware in my ankle.

 

Maybe you could find a hole to stand in?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

We filled in the hole with fruitcake.

 

Have you tried levitating?

 

[catstaff]

As a matter of fact, I have, but I'm no good at it.

 

Why'd you fill in the hole with fruitcake? I was saving it to build the outer wall of the new fortress.

[SomeRandomCorviknight]

Fruitcake makes a better floor then wall. Something to do with the structure.

 

How do i become tall?

[catstaff]

Learn to walk on stilts.

 

Why do I keep spending time in this forum when I should be writing?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

One of the fruitcakes does double duty as a writer's block.

 

Did you know 100 year old fruitcake makes asphalt look like weaksauce?

[catstaff]

No, but I'm not surprised.

 

Why do I feel so bad about putting my characters through so much angst?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

Because unlike me, your imaginary friends don't look at you with horror.

 

Why do I get rejected by my imaginary friends?

[SomeRandomCorviknight]

you need to give them more stuff.

 

How do i not cry over angst fan fictions?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

You don't. Tearjerking is the point.

 

Why are you reading angsty fan fiction if you don't want stirred up emotions?

[SomeRandomCorviknight]

because i need to collect suffering to feed to the cat.

 

 

Why is my cat ripping up paper on my desk and rubbing her face on my computer monitor, if i already gave her some collected suffering?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

Because she wants you to make construction paper chains for Christmas decorating ... whch she will also rip up

 

You realize she has claimed ownership of your monitor, right?

[catstaff]

You realize the cat's claimed ownership of everything, right? They just deign to allow us to live in their house, because we have opposable thumbs and can open cans of yummy stuff for them.

 

If they ever develop opposable thumbs, will they still let us live here?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

I have seen photos of cats with 'thumbs.' So far so good, but we shouldn't press our luck.

 

How many times has the world been saved by procrastination? 

[catstaff]

Dunno, I haven't gotten around to looking up that particular statistic.

 

Why does it always seem that people who are always too hot end up married to people who are always too cold, so that they're always fighting over control of the thermostat?