Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Lovecats]

If everyone unplugs from reality, not everyone is going to come back! Do we really want to go back to factory standard in this state? (which is probably just before the Pleistocene glaciation, at this point.)

 

Okay, so if we all go through with this plan, where's the plug socket?

 

 

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

You're thinking small. Think 'electric power stations and squirrels.'

 

Are you sure you want to reset to the factory standard?

[catstaff]

No, but at this point, factory standard is probably better than the bodge-job the last 50 years' worth of piecemeal updates has left us with.

 

Do you know a better way of fixing the mess?

[Docthings]

Yes I do. Just hand me the wrench, beartrap, teabags and an éclair.

 

Quick! How do we stop the water from rising?!

[catstaff]

Get the hair clog out of the shower drain.

 

Who'll stop the rain?

[Lovecats]

Oh, did you need to go out? Hold on, i'll get Sunrise. They'll make the planet just a little bit hotter so it'll stop raining. One mo.

 

Where did my favourite hellhorse go?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

*suspicious, sends out a decoy* Bind With Withered Wormwood

 

Why would you want to stop the rain when you can just turn off the shower?

[perzephone]

Because late August showers smell better than flowers.

 

Where does all the candle wax go when the candle burns down?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

The Wax Reaper takes it away.

 

Why are the skins of popcorn kernels perfectly made to get caught in your gums?

[Docthings]

Because they were created by periodontists to bring them in the big bucks.

 

Why does that cloud look like that red M&M from the commercials?

[catstaff]

It's cosplaying, of course.

 

Why are you so concerned about what that cloud is wearing, anyway?

[Kekyoin]

Because if they don't, how are we supposed to catch the first moon cheese?

 

Is it true that ruby-throated hummingbirds spin backwards at 2 in the morning to evacuate the cereal?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

Yes. It's why I'm up late at night so often. That and all the hummer infighting going on.

 

Who is going to go pick up groceries?

[catstaff]

I just did that yesterday.

 

Why didn't you tell me you needed something before I left?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

Because I ate the good stuff since yesterday and left the rest.

 

Why didn't you tell me you were going instead of just streaking through the open door at warp speed?

[catstaff]

I wasn't the one streaking through the door... I've never gone streaking!

 

And why were you looking at that streaker anyway?

[Lovecats]

I'm not a streaker, I swear! I'm just... fluffy.

 

Did you catch the game, last night?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

Nah, it cleared that fallen tree and disappeared into the thick brush. But only just barely.

 

Why can't we have nice things?

[Lagie]

Because @Fortune86.

 

Are we there yet?

[Long_Before_Sunrise]

No, we passed it six miles back. Stupid GPS.

 

What did Fortune do this time?

[Lagie]

Everything.

 

Is that a light at the end of the tunnel?

[catstaff]

Yes, but it's the headlamp of an oncoming train.

 

Did Pinky's teacher ever realize the poem he made fun of turned out to be one of the future rock star's biggest hits?
(*waits to see who gets the reference*)

Edited September 3, 2021 by catstaff

[Fortune86]

Yeo?

 

(I do not get the reference XD)

 

Why do I always get the blame for everything? 😧

[catstaff]

Because the Romans blamed you and they took over the world way back when. But I'll blame you for the good stuff too - both Iron Maiden and Auri drop new albums today!

 

(It's from the movie Pink Floyd's The Wall - the teacher grabs the kid's little notebook away from him and reads out the poem - the second verse of the song Money - to mock the kid.)

 

Why can't pasta and potato chips be low-calorie and lettuce be fattening?

[Docthings]

Because if that happened the world would crumble and the human population would fall into mass hysteria.

 

Where did that spider go?