Gay Straight Alliance

[tyto_alba]

Wow, lucky you. ; All my parents did was say 'okay' the one time I came out, then go on the rest of the time thinking I just 'hadn't met the right guy'. orz.

Yeah, I guess I'm lucky, in a way.

 

And, you're parents sound like my grandma. v-v

[Pink]

Female asexual aromantic here.

 

Is the "You haven't met the right girl/guy" thing common?

I've been hearing that for a bit now, and I still don't have an answer for that.

 

I don't want to bother trying to explain this to anyone for real.

I figure in my case... why? I am an obsessive nerd in school, so I doubt anyone will bother me about it until at least after I graduate.

After that... I am screwed.

:x

 

I can just imagine I'll get the "Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?" spiel every other week.

 

 

 

[tyto_alba]

Is the "You haven't met the right girl/guy" thing common?

I've been hearing that for a bit now, and I still don't have an answer for that.

I'm guessing it is, sadly.

[Princess Artemis]

Is the "You haven't met the right girl/guy" thing common?

I've been hearing that for a bit now, and I still don't have an answer for that.

It...depends? After a while, people stopped asking me, but then, I had a horrid crush on someone in college, so it put off my figuring things out for a while. After college, people didn't care as much.

[Pink]

Do you suppose it may be like wishing "get well soon"?

That is, something of an empty statement (coming from the mind of the person speaking)?

 

What strikes me as curious, is why this would be so preferable.

So you're supposed to meet someone of the opposite sex, "like them" (still haven't figured out what this means exactly), get together, and then at some point (7 years on average according to national stats) you'll probably start hating them and break up?

Sounds brilliant.

:\

 

How did this idea get started anyways?

Was there a ideology behind this, or is it just because that's how it's always been?

 

Someone explain this. I have been curious as to this for some time (and I don't have the time, nor the fortitude to study human sexuality).

 

 

[Princess Artemis]

I'm thinking it's out of a genuine if misplaced concern.

 

I'd just as soon have a couple good friends myself, but then I have nothing driving me to get together with anyone. That's where the idea got started. People got together, mated, bonded. It wasn't a plan, it just happened. It happens with people and dogs too, but obviously not in a sexual way.

[Obscure_Trash]

Female asexual aromantic here.

 

Is the "You haven't met the right girl/guy" thing common?

I've been hearing that for a bit now, and I still don't have an answer for that.

 

I don't want to bother trying to explain this to anyone for real.

I figure in my case... why? I am an obsessive nerd in school, so I doubt anyone will bother me about it until at least after I graduate.

After that... I am screwed.

:x

 

I can just imagine I'll get the "Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?" spiel every other week.

Yep, common.

 

You may be interested in this: Warning for some forum censored language People Say to Asexuals (It is things said to asexuals so there are sexual mentions) based off the video collaborated by the wonderful swankivy, who does many awesome videos about asexuality.

 

49. You just haven't met the right person yet. This is a suggestion that you clearly know the future and the asexual doesn't. If you want the asexual to be open to the idea that in the future asexuality might not apply anymore as a definition, you need to be equally respectful of the fact that you don't know that will happen. Obviously unexpected things happen to some of us and they influence how we think about sex and relationships. But just like it would be inappropriate to tell a bride and groom that statistics show they aren't likely to make it to their tenth anniversary, it isn't appropriate to tell asexuals that one day everything they consider integral about their sexual orientation is going to spin on a dime at the appearance of "the right person." Don't hand down the "you'll see" platitude. It will just make you look like a jerk.

 

It also made #2 on her Asexual Top 10 (the 10 most common reasons people suggest she/asexuals can't really be asexual):

As a note, swankivy is an aromantic asexual and speaks from that perspective.

Points brought up:

-It could happen, sure, but it's not something she's hoping or desiring to happen

-It's not something she chose; it just is

-She's 30 and that hasn't changed

-There's no way to really prove to these people that she's asexual and doesn't desire a romantic or sexual relationship, so why do they matter?

-What's so wrong with just accepting and believing that she's being honest about herself? It's her life and her business.

[Wookieinmashoo]

the next thing that came out of my mother's mouth sounded so bigotted it was unbelievable "the relationship wouldn't of lasted long anyway she was bisexual" she said that like if my friend had lived her sexuality would have made some difference on their relationship like her being bi made her more likely to cheat than if she was strait

That was hard to read (no punctuation at all) but I've heard this before and I don't get why people think this.

 

But yeah, I've heard the "you haven't met the right person" almost as often as "you'll want to make babies someday, your thoughts will change when you get older"...still confused by both statements. I think I'm old enough now to be sure of these things. Sure I'm in a relationship now, one that's had its ups and downs, but who really would be the right person? Can anyone be sure anyway? I also don't get dating. My social studies class back from 6th grade defined dating as "an occasion for young people to get together and enjoy themselves". I do that with my friends. Am I dating all my friends? I think the author just worded it badly...because I don't mind hugging or occasionally snuggling any of my friends, but they may not like it since that is considered a "romantic" action among most people while I'll just consider it a friendly action.

 

@SPS: I did watch some of her videos a while back, and I'd recommend them to anyone trying to understand asexuality. Problem is I share this computer and youtube likes to keep track of what you last watch...solution? Watch lots of MLP afterward to avoid awkward questions. It's foolproof.

Edited March 6, 2012 by Wookieinmashoo

[Princess Artemis]

I heard the "you'll want babies some day" thing a whole lot more than anything else. No I won't. I have a dog.

[Kelkelen]

I really don't know how to categorize myself.

 

(mAjOrLy edited, because tl:dr, for serious, and too embarrassing)

 

Maybe I'm heterosexual, maybe I'm asexual, maybe I'm an asexual heterosexual? Or just a celibate heterosexual? An asexual romantic? Maybe I like girls, too, because I find them very beautiful -- I think that women are, by and large, more aesthetically pleasing than men, but that's probably because they're pressured to be, and take care with their appearances; I don't like modern men's clothing, hairstyles, etc., though I find men's fashion from the 17 and 1800s to be very attractive. I also find all women more or less lovely in their own way, while I'm really selective about what I think actually looks good in a man. The thing is, most men, I feel absolutely *zero* attraction to -- or something in the negative, like the idea of doing anything physical with them is very icky to me. And if they're one of the rare men I think looks good, I still don't ever spontaneously imagine doing anything physical with them, although I usually want to look at them some more.

 

All these labels. I feel like... if I'm ever truly in love with someone, I'll probably desire them physically. I have a hunch. But I also know that I hardly ever so much as get a crush on someone, or even think he looks good. And if I never meet someone, that's okay, too. I'd much rather be single than be with someone I'm not in love with, and I'm not particularly waiting or hoping for that, either. My life is great just the way it is.

Edited March 7, 2012 by Kelkelen

[Princess Artemis]

Kelkelen, I don't have much to say, just that I listened, I guess?

[Kelkelen]

Kelkelen, I don't have much to say, just that I listened, I guess?

That's okay -- thanks for listening. I guess all I'm saying is that I don't really know what labels describe me best, and I don't know how much of my POV is based in past events and how much is just how I'm naturally inclined, anyway. But, you know, definitely thank you.

[Pink]

I heard the "you'll want babies some day" thing a whole lot more than anything else. No I won't. I have a dog.

Dogs are better anyways. They grow up fast, obey on command, and they actually like you. Kids... ugh.

 

@Sock: I have seen Swankivy, but I hadn't seen that particular page yet.

Danke.

 

 

[7Deadly$ins]

Do you suppose it may be like wishing "get well soon"?

That is, something of an empty statement (coming from the mind of the person speaking)?

 

What strikes me as curious, is why this would be so preferable.

So you're supposed to meet someone of the opposite sex, "like them" (still haven't figured out what this means exactly), get together, and then at some point (7 years on average according to national stats) you'll probably start hating them and break up?

Sounds brilliant.

:\

 

How did this idea get started anyways?

Was there a ideology behind this, or is it just because that's how it's always been?

 

Someone explain this. I have been curious as to this for some time (and I don't have the time, nor the fortitude to study human sexuality).

When did the idea of being sexual start? From the conception of our species?

[tyto_alba]

*this is prolly a little random, but...*

 

Popping in to ask... Has anyone ever heard of/participated in the Day of Silence? I participated last year and I've convinced the the YOUTH Council leader and the principal of my school to make it a school-wide awareness day.

 

I'm hoping it goes over well at my school...

[Obscure_Trash]

Yep. My group organized it our last year of high school, as the previous organizers had graduated the year before.

 

I liked it. It's really eye-opening, whether it goes well or not.

[Xythus]

I really don't know how to categorize myself.

 

(mAjOrLy edited, because tl:dr, for serious, and too embarrassing)

 

Maybe I'm heterosexual, maybe I'm asexual, maybe I'm an asexual heterosexual? Or just a celibate heterosexual? An asexual romantic? Maybe I like girls, too, because I find them very beautiful -- I think that women are, by and large, more aesthetically pleasing than men, but that's probably because they're pressured to be, and take care with their appearances; I don't like modern men's clothing, hairstyles, etc., though I find men's fashion from the 17 and 1800s to be very attractive. I also find all women more or less lovely in their own way, while I'm really selective about what I think actually looks good in a man. The thing is, most men, I feel absolutely *zero* attraction to -- or something in the negative, like the idea of doing anything physical with them is very icky to me. And if they're one of the rare men I think looks good, I still don't ever spontaneously imagine doing anything physical with them, although I usually want to look at them some more.

 

All these labels. I feel like... if I'm ever truly in love with someone, I'll probably desire them physically. I have a hunch. But I also know that I hardly ever so much as get a crush on someone, or even think he looks good. And if I never meet someone, that's okay, too. I'd much rather be single than be with someone I'm not in love with, and I'm not particularly waiting or hoping for that, either. My life is great just the way it is.

Wow. This. Just...THIS. This is literally the exact explanation of my whole secret life and thoughts, before I came out to a few select friends as gay.

 

you for posting this!!

[LiLaLo1226]

*this is prolly a little random, but...*

 

Popping in to ask... Has anyone ever heard of/participated in the Day of Silence? I participated last year and I've convinced the the YOUTH Council leader and the principal of my school to make it a school-wide awareness day.

 

I'm hoping it goes over well at my school...

When I was in High School in my sophmore year(2006) Day of silence was rough. We had a church come and throw glass bottles filled fire caught paper. I unfortunately was one of the targets in being openly gay. Its rough out there when people cant just respect one another. We arent different from anyone, we dont want special treatment. People are just ignorant and dont understand that by nature homosexuality and bisexuality is one of the greatest advancements. Many animals exhibit these behaviors, chimps and gorillas and all the great apes in fact, exhibit this. "people" as a whole just want to be on a higher "purer" standard than anyone else.

 

 

Well.....that was a interesting second post haha.

 

Oh a tip for all those, stick close to the gay friendly people if you need to come out. I came out and had very few people to help me through and it was hard. Now I live with my best friend(my gorgeous Hag lol). We act like an old married couple haha

[nekoinu525]

*this is prolly a little random, but...*

 

Popping in to ask... Has anyone ever heard of/participated in the Day of Silence? I participated last year and I've convinced the the YOUTH Council leader and the principal of my school to make it a school-wide awareness day.

 

I'm hoping it goes over well at my school...

I tried participating in DoS, but I'm not in school, so it didn't really happen... :/ Maybe when/if I go to uni in a few years...

[Kelkelen]

*this is prolly a little random, but...*

 

Popping in to ask... Has anyone ever heard of/participated in the Day of Silence? I participated last year and I've convinced the the YOUTH Council leader and the principal of my school to make it a school-wide awareness day.

 

I'm hoping it goes over well at my school...

I've participated in it, at my college. It went well. Our school was a small, 1800-undergrads liberal arts college, and there wasn't any open opposition, that I was aware of. It's a good idea to have some kind of notecard you can show or hand out, to explain what's going on concisely, especially if you hand-write it in your own words so people don't lose the personal connection (a typed, printed page can make people feel like, oh, you just downloaded something from the internet and this is some kind of fad).

 

The only part that didn't go well was that, really, the Day of Silence only works in a setting like a school. I tried to participate again another year, once I was out in the working world, and it really just wasn't practical or useful.

 

But if you have a chance to do it in a university, go for it! And best of luck!

 

Also, @ Xythus, back at you! <3

[Pink]

When did the idea of being sexual start? From the conception of our species?

Not being sexual. I guess it's more the idea that it is implied that everyone should get married or attached (or the assumption that everyone either wants to or is greatly impaired if they don't or can't)?

 

Sexuality is a separate conversation, really.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[wonderwanders]

Interesting thread topic. I haven't had a Gay/Straight Alliance since college. I've been out since I was 18, I was pretty much asexual before that, reading what others have written here sounds pretty familiar. I consider myself a relatively well-adjusted lesbian, not really feeling the need for any particular support but willing to give it to others, or advice, or whatever.... hmm.... might I be a mentor? Does this thread HAVE mentors?

[Lord_Kishin]

*this is prolly a little random, but...*

 

Popping in to ask... Has anyone ever heard of/participated in the Day of Silence? I participated last year and I've convinced the the YOUTH Council leader and the principal of my school to make it a school-wide awareness day.

 

I'm hoping it goes over well at my school...

I will be participating this year even though it falls on my birthday Should be interesting...

 

Friends: "Happy birthday!!"

Me: *silence*

 

I hope nobody will think I am being rude to them lol

Maybe I will send out a memo to all my friends saying I am participating in this just so I don't hurt anyone's feelings

[tyto_alba]

I will be participating this year even though it falls on my birthday Should be interesting...

 

Friends: "Happy birthday!!"

Me: *silence*

 

I hope nobody will think I am being rude to them lol

Maybe I will send out a memo to all my friends saying I am participating in this just so I don't hurt anyone's feelings

If you go to the Day of Silence website, there are note cards that have a message on them that explain the Day of Silence and would explain why you aren't speaking.

 

Those and a memo would prolly be a good idea. (:

[Kelkelen]

I will be participating this year even though it falls on my birthday Should be interesting...

 

Friends: "Happy birthday!!"

Me: *silence*

 

I hope nobody will think I am being rude to them lol

Maybe I will send out a memo to all my friends saying I am participating in this just so I don't hurt anyone's feelings

It's probably a good idea to let friends and family know you're doing it ahead of time, or anyone with whom you'd usually have a lot of communication, especially on your birthday. Having a note to hand out, or a handwritten sign that you can show people, is very important to have on the day itself.