Gay Straight Alliance

[Walker]

In a way... women couples being seen as attractive carries it's own problems. You won't see nearly as men getting sexually harassed. Being... that carries a lot of stigmas and issues with it too.

[Lord_Kishin]

In a way... women couples being seen as attractive carries it's own problems. You won't see nearly as men getting sexually harassed. Being... that carries a lot of stigmas and issues with it too.

I am of 2 minds on that. Yes a higher number of lesbian sexual crimes (harassment one of them) is apparent but, there is also a stigma for just being male. The belief that because we are male we don't get harassed or worse because we are male, that could lead to less gay, trans or even straight males actually coming forward saying they've been sexually harassed by either men or women. I know the police didn't believe it when a gay friend of mine tried to report a sex crime :S

 

On a side note... SQUEEE! so many people on this thread!

[Walker]

Hmmmm, I guess it really depends on location, family, gender, etc. how much discrimination you face. It's more dependent on the person than the gender.

 

Asexual homoromantic, haven't experienced much, but I'm not out either, so that sort of accounts for it. I do live in the midwest though, so if I was I'd get crap for it, since I live in one of the more conservative parts of the country.

[Khallayne]

Hi there! I'm Khay, or I suppose you can have my first name, which is Sasha. =)

 

I may dress in female made attire only for proper fitting, but I'm rather genderqueer and simply don't associate with either gender. As for what to call me, I go by absolutely anything. Quite like 'it' but I know that people have negative connotations with the pronoun, so I just go by whatever people call me!

 

I generally explain to people that I'm 'lesbian', but I'm a pansexual romantically attracted to females, and aromantically to males. I suppose that makes me demi-sexual? I don't know.

 

I'm turning 22 on March 3rd, and I've been with my partner for over five years. Out of the closet (for the most part) and loving it. =) Whooo Canada. (Well, in a closedminded town in Canada right now. :| But I'll fix that soon)!

[RheaZen]

The straightest arrow you'll ever see sexuality-wise, but quite Fabglitter-Friendly.

 

Support to y'all!

[Windnose]

I'm a straight female. I most definitely support all sexuality and see nothing to be wrong about it at all. I actually have two female friends who will be getting married to each other later this year and I'm really happy for them. Unfortunately, a couple of my more religious friends aren't as supportive as I feel they should be, but they're at least keeping their opinions quiet; especially after I pointed out that those two girls would probably be much happier together forever than they would be with a man.

[BirdSpirit]

Ya I read about that too and I guess you're right that the media made more of a gay male couple kissing than the lesbian couple, society is weird... most people I talk to about gay couples m&m vs f&f the majority of those people have way less of a problem with lesbian couples than with gay male couples.

Its the way society portrays males and females. There's probably a bit of nature tied in with it as well. Females are often more friendly and touchy feely. Males are the other hand are portrayed as strong by themselves and more aggressive. Thus, two guys getting together is more out of their normal sphere as compared to two women getting together.

 

I'm gay (or maybe bi, who knows?) myself but I find myself thinking the same way as most people. It just seems like a knee jerk reaction based on experiences from society. I'm trying to change though. :/

 

 

Ah, and nice to meet everyone!

Edited March 2, 2012 by BirdSpirit

[JaziandCo]

Welcome!!! I so understand about living in a conservative place, the town where my mother lives is 99% Christian and I would get called all sorts of nasty words when I lived there even though I never once showed my sexuality to anyone. Stay strong and stay true to your beautiful self!

I live in a city that is 90% Amish, so while they're not violent conservatives the passive-aggressive comments hurt just as much. Luckily most people don't know what to make of me and assume that I'm just a butch lesbian, and I'm disinclined to speak up and say otherwise because I'm tired of being shunned for being different.

 

My mom knows (and is displeased), my sisters know (and are supportive), and the GSA at my college knows :3 I'm half in-half out of the closet at school, most people realize that I'm part of the GSA by now and just think, as usual, that I'm a lesbian but some have realized that's not it at all.

 

Personally I think it's none of people's business if they're not my partner. Just means I'll probably have to put off actually getting a partner until more changes are happening.

[dragonsoup]

and another supporter here.

 

No I'm not saying where ( or even if ) I fit into the "alphabet soup" but I hate the discrimination and fully support the aim of this thread.

[Lord_Kishin]

No I'm not saying where ( or even if ) I fit into the "alphabet soup"

that is more than all right, as it says in the first post

PLEASE DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO OPENLY IDENTIFY AS ANY SEXUALITY

 

[Natayah]

I support this thread. I am not even sure why its still up for debate anywhere.

[dragonsoup]

that is more than all right, as it says in the first post

Yeah I saw that . Either one condones the discrimination or one does not.

 

One's sexuality or gender identification shouldn't change that - whatever ithey are.

[Wookieinmashoo]

Honestly, I'm not sure about the GSA. It really does seem nice but I can easily see more people turning to hate such people because they're more open about it. It's great to be open about it though, which really just seems to make a viscous cycle. I'm guessing I'm wishing that people wouldn't care about one's gender or one's sexuality so groups like this are no longer needed.

 

I guess I just wouldn't know the difficulties people go through. The most people can throw at me hatred way is weird looks and "No, asexuality does not exist" comments. Some people don't even understand about genderless identity and are even less supportive of that. But it's more of a eye-roll, "okay you're making things up", kind of attitude. It never to my knowledge has escalated to violence.

[Rosedamai]

I am not even sure why its still up for debate anywhere.

Because some people still think it's a mental disease, at least where I live.

They also think that we're hideous freaks of nature and can't control our sexual urges and will jump on any person of the same gender that we see.

 

[Kelkelen]

Siiiiigh. Sorry to hear that, ylangylang! And sorry about all the other crap people posting in this thread have gone through.

 

I remember what a revelation it was for me when I realized that, "Hey, wait -- the media is portraying being gay and being a pedophile as the same thing! And that isn't true at all!!!" I know it sounds dumb, but it was a real eye-opener. Having grown up without knowing any gay (or gender-queer in any way) people personally, prior to college, I just didn't put that much thought into it until high school, when I suddenly had that epiphany.

 

Along with the first time I saw a photo (from a movie or something) of two men kissing and realized that I didn't feel the slightest twinge of "wrong" in my conscience -- somehow, just seeing the image was enough to dispel any doubt. I'd been told by the Catholic church for the past few years that it was a sin, and I'd tried to walk some kind of weird middle line of, "okay, I'm willing to agree with the church if they say it's right, but I don't want to judge other people and if someone sins it's their business, I won't say anything against being gay, either..." And then I saw that photo and realized that I was tying myself in mental knots, and didn't have any sort of moral or gut reaction against being gay -- I was just trying really hard to believe what the church wanted me to, but in the end, I didn't. And I accepted that.

 

I'm surprised that I was so fuzzy about it for so long, because I was bullied for a few years when I changed schools and rumors had people assuming I was a lesbian. I didn't shake them off easily, because I didn't have any kind of "ew, no, of course not!" reaction which seemed to be what they were hoping for; maybe it would have put me on "their side." I just went on being me and getting picked on.

 

Ultimately, I made friends with a young man who turned out to be gay, and knowing someone who was gay in person made everything fall into place. Any time I talk with friends who are very kind and well-meaning but still against homosexuality, I feel as if the main obstacle to their understanding is the fact that they are not personally close to any homosexuals. It's easy enough to hold to a theory when you don't have to imagine it affecting anybody that you care about.

[Princess Artemis]

I guess I just wouldn't know the difficulties people go through. The most people can throw at me hatred way is weird looks and "No, asexuality does not exist" comments. Some people don't even understand about genderless identity and are even less supportive of that. But it's more of a eye-roll, "okay you're making things up", kind of attitude. It never to my knowledge has escalated to violence.

It's true that asexuality and genderless doesn't get as much violent flack, but the fact that it gets any flack at all is worth changing. (I say "as much" because asexuals don't tend to get murdered for being asexual, but they do sometimes get raped to 'cure' them and that is hella violent.) That "you don't exist" attitude can be very damaging. I mean, I'm 37 and it was only in the last two years that I'd even heard of asexuality--that's a long time to have no idea that one is a perfectly normal part of humanity. It's also a ling time to think one is straight...if I'd been more romantically inclined, I might have gotten married to a very sexual person and gotten into a world of trouble that way.

 

So, while asexuals don't need allies to help stop murders, we could still use allies for other things, and still be allies to help stop other people from being murdered. It doesn't even have to be "out and proud" alliance if that's not what you're comfortable with or if it's not something you like--help change attitudes by being who you are and without denying it. That will help make groups like this no longer needed.

[kiffren]

Honestly, I'm not sure about the GSA. It really does seem nice but I can easily see more people turning to hate such people because they're more open about it. It's great to be open about it though, which really just seems to make a viscous cycle. I'm guessing I'm wishing that people wouldn't care about one's gender or one's sexuality so groups like this are no longer needed.

 

I guess I just wouldn't know the difficulties people go through. The most people can throw at me hatred way is weird looks and "No, asexuality does not exist" comments. Some people don't even understand about genderless identity and are even less supportive of that. But it's more of a eye-roll, "okay you're making things up", kind of attitude. It never to my knowledge has escalated to violence.

I'm more open online than I am in real life. I feel kind of like it's nobodies business but my own what my sexuality/preferences are. (I like females, just in case that hasn't been made clear over and over and over -nudges at rainbows in sig-.)

 

It's not that I hide what my sexuality is, I just don't tell absolutely everyone or be extremely open about it. I'll hold my girlfriend's hand, but no PDA other than that for me. However, I do look pretty much like a lesbian so people have to be pretty dense to not realize.

[Fuzzbucket]

I get puzzled about this stuff. My sexuality is not something I ever need to mention unless it's relevant.

 

Goes to craft class - say. Meets new people. Discusses paint types, metal clippers etc. Goes out to coffee with a few members. passes the sugar. Discuses dairy cream vs custard, Walks to subway with someone while we chat about insularity (you know who you are ). Goes home.

 

Where did my sexuality come up AT ALL ?

 

I do often wonder about this. I mean - it isn't really relevant except a} when it is - er - DEEPLY relevant (at the "may I take your bra off" stage...) or b} when some idiot says all lesbians are going to kill off men and take over the world and that stuff. At which point - yes, I bite. Hard. And I have all my own teeth and they are STRONG and you will be sorry.

 

ETA PARDON, kiffren ??

 

What does a lesbian look like ? Seriously ?

No I mean REALLY, seriously ? I imagine some would think I am if we are going that route - very very short hair, no makeup, jeans at all times.... On the other hand a lesbian friend of mine is very very girly... I do NOT believe you can judge sexuality by appearance. EVER.

Edited March 2, 2012 by fuzzbucket

[Alpha Gryph]

I do believe GSA groups are necessary at times. I wish I had had something like this in my life when I was first coming to terms with my sexuality. Since a majority of that time I spent in an icky depression and trying to convince myself I was straight.. The feeling of loneliness was unbearable. Not only loneliness due to not having anyone to share my heart with, but from not having anyone to relate to.

 

I guess people just tend to automatically equate "gay pride" to flaunting it in others' faces. Which of course isn't true, nowadays I'm very proud of my sexuality and who I am. But I never make a point of making it known to others unless it comes up in conversation. Or if I have to politely turn down a boy. It's good to have GSA's out there so people don't feel so alone and can maybe up their self esteem a bit.

 

But anyways, very good idea for a group. I'm Alpha, and I'm glad to be a girl that likes girls. Though I don't like the term lesbian so much for some reason (I like WereJace's suggestion of the term "sapphic" though ).

 

People don't tend to know I like girls though, because apparently I don't "look" like a lesbian. People tend to be surprised when they eventually find out. I find it amusing, since it's not like I make a point of hiding it or anything. :B

[kiffren]

@Fuzzbucket: You can definitely look like a lesbian. Not everyone who looks gay is gay, but a good portion of them are. (Some people go out of their way to look like the stereotype so that it's easier for other people to know they are gay, my friend Kat is one of these people.)

 

Think real quick, pull up the stereotype for a police.

 

You just pulled up the image of a man wearing blue with a badge and a gun. He's tall and strong and has a hat on. Most likely you pulled up a the image of a Caucasian man as well. That is the image that is engrained in our culture as to what police look like. This doesn't mean that there aren't police who are female or not white, it just means that when we think police we think the cultural image that has been ground into us.

 

The stereotypical lesbian has short hair, looks boyish, never wears makeup, wears loose clothes, wears pants and never skirts, etc. This is a stereotype, don't bother denying that it exists because it does. If someone fits that description, we will assume they are a lesbian. They may not be, but that is where our mind will go.

 

However, there are straight/asexual/bi women who fit this stereotype, my mother is one of them, there are also lesbians who don't fit this stereotype. That doesn't mean that the stereotype doesn't exist and that those who fit it aren't assumed to be lesbian.

 

For instance, I very rarely have anyone assume I'm straight. I'm almost never hit on by guys, and I don't really have to tell people I'm gay.

 

People judge other people's sexuality by appearance all the time. I know it happens, I see it happen to me.

Edited March 2, 2012 by kiffren

[Fuzzbucket]

@Fuzzbucket: You can definitely look like a lesbian. Not everyone who looks gay is gay, but a good portion of them are. (Some people go out of their way to look like the stereotype so that it's easier for other people to know they are gay, my friend Kat is one of these people.)

 

Think real quick, pull up the stereotype for a police.

 

You just pulled up the image of a man wearing blue with a badge and a gun. He's tall and strong and has a hat on. Most likely you pulled up a the image of a Caucasian man as well. That is the image that is engrained in our culture as to what police look like. This doesn't mean that there aren't police who are female or not white, it just means that when we think police we think the cultural image that has been ground into us.

 

The stereotypical lesbian has short hair, looks boyish, never wears makeup, wears loose clothes, wears pants and never skirts, etc. This is a stereotype, don't bother denying that it exists because it does. If someone fits that description, we will assume they are a lesbian. They may not be, but that is where our mind will go.

 

However, there are straight/asexual/bi women who fit this stereotype, my mother is one of them, there are also lesbians who don't fit this stereotype. That doesn't mean that the stereotype doesn't exist and that those who fit it aren't assumed to be lesbian.

 

For instance, I very rarely have anyone assume I'm straight. I'm almost never hit on by guys, and I don't really have to tell people I'm gay.

 

People judge other people's sexuality by appearance all the time. I know it happens, I see it happen to me.

They do it. But it bloody doesn't work !

 

What - HONESTLY - is "looking gay" ?

 

What DOES happen is that people see someone they think MIGHT be, and when they later find out that they ARE, they say to themselves "Oh, I KNEW it." If they later find out they aren't gay - they forget the whole thing. It's a perception.

 

Oddly enough we tested this with loads of photos on another forum I'm on. The right/wrong answers worked out at - 50/50 !

 

Which equates exactly to is/isn't

 

The BEST was the gay woman who supplied 7 photos. All of herself - and 4 were perceived to be of a straight person and three not. They were all ordinary photos of herself except the one in a pinstripe woman's suit. I defy you to identify my gay friends as such, with the POSSIBLE exception of one lesbian - who fits your description exactly except for the loose clothes bit - and I know for a fact that no-one at work realised she was a lesbian until she happened to say something once - not in four years.

 

OK though - I should be perceived as lesbian then. But unless you count the few lesbian passes I've received - it doesn't happen often ! I know it is a stereotype - but it's not a valid one. (Nor is your one for a cop in many parts of the world, by the way !) Oddly enough - people aren't hitting on people anything like all the time ! but again - it is the hits that don't fit that we remember. I didn't mind them in the least - but I admit I remember every time a lesbian hit on me - and I can't say that about the straight hits, which are "more me", though I am - shall we say - not unbent !

 

I think a lot more of this is in our own perception than we think.

[blah]

Looking gay does exist. Of course it would be very difficult with pictures alone, looking gay isn't just hair and clothes. Attitude, the way of moving, gesturing and talking to people of either sex, is all part of it.

 

And frankly, I'm thankful for that. Because I happen to find the stereotype really attractive

[WereJace]

(I like WereJace's suggestion of the term "sapphic" though ).

Sappho is awesome and guaranteed to make lady hearts flutter, which was what she was all about.

 

I too wish that GSAs had existed when I was in high school. I would have keyed in a lot faster, I think. As it is, it took me till 18 to figure out I was a lesbian and another four years to actually do something about it. My awareness of trans people lagged even more, though I think the self-examination I had to do when I realised it was possible to be a trans man was very valuable to my personal growth.

[kiffren]

Looking gay does exist. Of course it would be very difficult with pictures alone, looking gay isn't just hair and clothes. Attitude, the way of moving, gesturing and talking to people of either sex, is all part of it.

 

And frankly, I'm thankful for that. Because I happen to find the stereotype really attractive 

True, I did forget the attitude and gestures. The walk as well. Even the most feminine lesbians I know tend to walk differently.

 

Fuzzzbucket, ever heard of gaydar? If people don't look, or seem/whatever word you choose, gay then how would gaydar work?

 

Edit: And the cop stereotype is valid in the united states, not sure about the UK or other countries. However, it was tested in my writing class. We were all asked to form what the cop would look like and separately we came up with that.

Edited March 2, 2012 by kiffren

[Fuzzbucket]

True, I did forget the attitude and gestures. The walk as well. Even the most feminine lesbians I know tend to walk differently.

 

Fuzzzbucket, ever heard of gaydar? If people don't look, or seem/whatever word you choose, gay then how would gaydar work?

 

Edit: And the cop stereotype is valid in the united states, not sure about the UK or other countries. However, it was tested in my writing class. We were all asked to form what the cop would look like and separately we came up with that.

Yes I am aware of gaydar. I even believe in it. In a way.

 

In the same way as we can all sort of tell who is likely to fancy us and who isn't. But I do know what you mean. I think that part of it is the way we look at each other... which isn't even the same as mannerisms.

 

I know what you mean about the cop. Just - this is an international site and a lot of people - including me, though as a traveller I know what you meant - would NOT think of a cop that way. Especially not the gun bit. UK cops don't even have a badge of the kind you mean.