Posted January 21, 2012 RAAAAAGHGHAGH! I really don't know how to feel! Like, do I hate him or do I like him? Sometimes, I really, really dislike him, but then the next I just want to kiss him or something. Is this like, belligerent sexual tension or...Dare I say it? Something along the lines of kismesissitude? Oh God, why did I say that? I am not a troll. Homestuck is a web comic. I don't know if I love him or hate him. I don't understand. I. Don't. Understand. *head desk* I don't understand! Share this post Link to post
Posted January 21, 2012 Get up off your behind, go do your housework and get it over with. Then you can play some more. It's not that difficult a concept. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2012 If I see one more facebook post about temple run I'm gonna seriously punch someone. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2012 Methinks he's lying. He can't help himself. He's in immature child. What he's doing is unhealthy. But I guess it's fine since he thinks so. [/sarcasm] Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2012 Man, I seriously fail to see how that could be offensive in ANY context. Obviously SOMEBODY is offended, but I just don't get it. OH WELL~ Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2012 21... Going through a mid-life crisis, and wondering what the hell I'm going to do with my life... o.0; I can't bring myself to be -not- dramatic these days. I find myself scared to sleep, not knowing what tomorrow brings. I also find myself curling up into a ball hoping that no one else gets sick or dies within the next couple of months. I find it all absurd. My family is aging, and it should be expected... But I'm not sure how long I can deal with hearing my grandmother saying that all she wants to do is die, especially when she was the only sort-of mother figure in my life. Do I keep trying to force her to stay in relatively good health because I'm not ready to be on my own yet? Which means that I'm being selfish and forcing her to keep suffering when she things hell is on Earth, or do I simply let her go, and just let myself continue to plummet downwards. I try to tell myself that isn't what is going to happen, but it comes down to the fact that I don't know anymore. She's had 3 to 4 people die this year. I can't hold it against her when two of her brothers and her nephew died that she wants her time to come... At the same time, that means that that many of my family has passed away. In four years, she's had to suffer the loss of her husband, of a grandchild, of a sister in law, a brother in law, at least 2 brothers, and a few other people that she is close to. Why shouldn't I let her go? But I'm not ready yet. I lost my father figure too soon, even if he was old, and even if he wasn't my father... She's going senile, losing her mind, getting more and more irritating, and where there are days that I just want her to go away... I'm not ready yet, and I don't want to have to make this choice internally. So, a few months ago, I finally bit the bullet and tried to do something about my depression... But my medication doesn't cover this. I don't want to be an adult anymore. I don't want to be a responsible person. I want to curl into my writing, and into moderating, and not face the world. But it keeps staring at me with its ugly eyes. I don't believe in a deity, but there are days like today where I really wish that I did. I can't unload all of this on anyone. I can't explain to people how I don't want to live or breathe anymore. I don't want to die, I just want to cease to exist. It's been like this for years, and all these external forces are just pushing me over the edge. On the best day, my hold on my emotions are precarious. It's easier to smile, and nod, and act happy than show people that I'm ready to cry inside. But now I'm being told that I have to make choices about my life now, and I can't take more time to think about them... And I'm just not ready. Making these choices means that I have to give up everything I love doing. I have to turn myself into an adult by my mother's standards, and... Why would I want to exist in a world where I no longer feel motivated to do anything? It's been years since I've actually wanted to wake up in the morning. It's been months since I remember looking forward to something. However, the last time I cried was yesterday. There are days where I still cry for ignorance. I don't want to know... I want to have the blissful sleep that my girlfriend has at this moment, oblivious to the emotions that I'm going through. I want to remember that it's like to wake up excited for the day to come. To look forward to something and not let myself down. All these wants of mine are so selfish. I need to move forward, but I don't want to... I'm not ready to give that push. I want to cling to what I have for a little while. I've never been so scared of losing control of what I have... Of losing myself in the future to come. I've never been scared of tomorrow, but tonight, at this moment in time, I don't want to face it. I wish I had answers. Alas, I only have the solace of sleep, and the dread that in too few hours, I will be facing these emotions again, and smiling because that is what people expect of me. How I wish for oblivion. P.S. Khay, you use too many ellipses, and not even appropriately. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2012 Not really sure my advice is what you need to hear. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2012 *flops* Still feel like yesterday. Guess it's time to smile and say I'm fine. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2012 omg khay D: *hugglesqueezes* I feel like I've been gone too long. I missed this place. That's an insane goal but I'm still going for it. Eventually. Must prepare a bunch of stuff first. I need purples. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2012 what happened to the weekend? Sunday's almost over Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2012 I'M BORED!!!! D= I've things to do, but I don't feel like doing them. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2012 I have a funny feeling they'll be the next to go. If so, that'll essentially be an end to it for me. Besides, I have all sorts of RL stuff I should be focusing on. Share this post Link to post
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