Online Dating

[Rachel72]

Its totally possible... *points to Darien*

[georgexu94]

Its totally possible... *points to Darien*

Wait, what's with the story behind Darien?

[Rachel72]

Wait, what's with the story behind Darien?

lol, ask him if you'd like

[rilavision]

I online dated when I was about 13 (I'm 19 now btw) on this online site called Gaia Online (hoping some of you have played or have heard of it).

 

surprisingly Junior (the boy I was dating) lived in florida and went to the same exact school as my cousin who lives out there. We met when I went out there for summer vacation but broke up because of course obviously I was not even mentally ready for any kind of relationship. We stayed friends for a few months after that then lost contact. He was still trying to be very clingy (constantly messaging me on AIM where we would usually contact each other, I never gave him my phone number. I wasn't that naive) and I just wasn't into that.

 

I will neveronline date again, I don't really see any sense to it. Never know what kind of weirdos are out there and I don't want to plan on finding out

[Reidragon]

So I just decided to put this out there for those of you who say online dating is crap.

 

I've been considering online dating. I'm 27 now and grew up in a tiny tiny tiny town. My graduating class was 47 kids. 3/4th's of those were female. Not a lot of choice at all in my high school so I never dated anyone. Went to prom with my friends all of that.

 

I've had a total of one relationship as a junior and found out later he had been dared to date me by the football team. It was a huge blow to my self esteem. I lived and worked in this tiny small town at the vet office for six years after I graduated high school and just recently moved to another state.

 

Trouble is I have literally no experience with this kind of dating stuff and I'm not a 'bar girl'. So I have zero idea on how to meet anyone datable? Work is a no go. Most of us are female or already married ect. I'm to the point where I would really like some companionship in my life and I feel like online darting is my only option. But so many other people say it is crap x.x What's a girl to do?

 

Now I've been told before that I am not bad looking per say but you know family and friends can lie so here is a picture of me from summer of last year on a vacation to Florida with my best friend. http://imgur.com/4sKBG1i.jpg My hair has since grown out past my shoulders and while I don't think I'm drop dead gorgeous I consider myself 'okay looking'. Despite this I don't seem to get much attention from the male population. -shrugs- Suppose I don't have any of the eye grabbing features most males seem to look for these days xP

 

My main question is....if not online how am I supposed to meet good guys?

 

Since I am not comfortable AT ALL with the bar scene and going out by myself seems like asking trouble where besides online is a good place to try? Or is online decent? Like I said I have met tons of cool people online but most of you are saying it's no good date wise :/ That's a little worrisome lol. I don't want to end up alone for the rest of my life.

[MedievalMystic]

Useful Tips

 

 

Thought this might be worth reading.

 

 

Reidragon, you're a very pretty girl, very attractive....and you like reptiles. You sound intelligent. What more can someone want? Any guy would be lucky to have you.

 

I've never liked the bar scene either. Just what I want, some drunk trying for a one nighter. No thanks. Are there any events that go on in your area, or in areas close by? I live about an hour from Raleigh, NC and they always seem to have something going on...a new display at the natural history museum, carnivals, artsy events, food events, you name it. Is there anything fun like that going on close by? Maybe you and a friend could go. We have a few big lakes around here where people go camping and swimming and talk and mingle around bonfires and grills. There's got to be something going on besides the bar scene..

 

 

[georgexu94]

*looks at Darien* You have successfully dated someone online? (There is definitely a feeling of amazement in George's voice)

[Shienvien]

(There is definitely a feeling of amazement in George's voice)

Why the amazement? I know several people who have been married for years after getting to know one another online.

 

As for those who are concerned about "weirdos" - it is just as likely that you'll meet up with such face-to-face, sadly.

[Hisa]

Online dating can have it's cons and pros.

 

My sister has had most of the cons, guys cheating on her and lying about their real life informations.

 

Myself: I've never dated anyone IRL, I had my first Bf (that time 14y , norwegian ) over internet when i was 13 and it lasted for 2 years and we did meet irl many times but it all got wrecked due him getting jelous to my other male friends in the internet telling "go marry him, not me".

 

2nd bf (17y, portuguese) I had broke up with me since he cudn't bear the distance, this one lasted for 3 months and before that I had been single for year. We are still good friends thought and he likes my current bf-no homo way. We never got to meet irl thought because he cudn't travel because his mom having cancer.

 

3rd/current bf, (18, Slovenian) We've been dating now for 1 year and 2 months and we are engaged, he has about 2 years left till he finishes his studying and can after that move to finland. I'll be going to slovenia next month for a month (first time i go there) he has been in finland few times and it's all going fine. I don't see any problems that could break us apart, thought of course there could be some if really intented to do.

 

Where I met them? First one was in IMVU, that time very popular 3D online chatting program. 2nd after I quit playing Ether Saga Online, and he had played it also for 3 years with me as friends.

 

3rd/current: I got invited to a tinychat room by a friend who had been playing in the different server than I, I didn't know her that well. In this room was a nuce guy who I thought to be 20+ and taken but he wasn't. Tinychat isn't good place for meeting people online thought, not the public rooms atleast. This one was private.

 

It's all matter of ur lifestyle and personality wether online dating fits for u or not.

[Red_Dragon5]

The fact that the internet is one of the easiest places to deceive someone would mean that online dating would be very risky business, as anyone could lie about age,gender,occupation,etc.

Also,whatever you post sticks to you. An employer can search your full name and find any profile connected to your name and any picture as well.

As long as you know your risks and stay safe that's fine, but I find that the romantic relationship of today is very dirty and the fact that some people use their emotional hold on another person to hurt them is just disgusting.

I could go into loads of biased paragraphs explaining why online dating isn't good, but I'd rather not waste more of your time.

[Ember_Silverly]

My main question is....if not online how am I supposed to meet good guys?

 

First of all, I am all for online dating. It can really increase your pool of available people, especially if you are in a small town or are super shy in real life. You just have to use the same caution when meeting someone that you would use in real life. After all, just because I met a real live living being, doesn't mean that they are being totally honest with me about who they are.

 

But, to answer your question, the way to meet people in real life is to find an activity your interested in (IRL) and go to meet ups for it. Depending on where you live, there's groups for things like book clubs, sci fi clubs, outdoorsy groups, churches...whatever your in to, if you look for them (and lots of organizations post meet up dates online). Of course, you still have to be careful (possibly bring a friend the first time) but it can be a great place to meet new people, either in a platonic or a romantic sense.

 

There's also (if you the time and money) the possibility of taking a class or two (for fun) at your local community college to meet new people.

 

 

[Rachel72]

Online dating can have it's cons and pros.

 

My sister has had most of the cons, guys cheating on her and lying about their real life informations.

 

Myself: I've never dated anyone IRL, I had my first Bf (that time 14y , norwegian ) over internet when i was 13 and it lasted for 2 years and we did meet irl many times but it all got wrecked due him getting jelous to my other male friends in the internet telling "go marry him, not me".

 

2nd bf (17y, portuguese) I had broke up with me since he cudn't bear the distance, this one lasted for 3 months and before that I had been single for year. We are still good friends thought and he likes my current bf-no homo way. We never got to meet irl thought because he cudn't travel because his mom having cancer.

 

3rd/current bf, (18, Slovenian) We've been dating now for 1 year and 2 months and we are engaged, he has about 2 years left till he finishes his studying and can after that move to finland. I'll be going to slovenia next month for a month (first time i go there) he has been in finland few times and it's all going fine. I don't see any problems that could break us apart, thought of course there could be some if really intented to do.

 

Where I met them? First one was in IMVU, that time very popular 3D online chatting program. 2nd after I quit playing Ether Saga Online, and he had played it also for 3 years with me as friends.

 

3rd/current: I got invited to a tinychat room by a friend who had been playing in the different server than I, I didn't know her that well. In this room was a nuce guy who I thought to be 20+ and taken but he wasn't. Tinychat isn't good place for meeting people online thought, not the public rooms atleast. This one was private.

 

It's all matter of ur lifestyle and personality wether online dating fits for u or not.

Online dating can have it's cons and pros.

 

Yes it can, and does

[xChemi]

Personally, it depends on the person you know? preferences etc. But I can say it works, I met the love of my life online and we're still going strong

 

 

[Princess Fluffy]

When you get to know somebody on one your favourite sites in the internet, you have at least one interest in common, since people normally only visit sites that are interesting to them. And having things in common is an important part of a relationship, isn't it?

 

Of course, nobody should start dating after three days, even if it is obvious that you definately like each other. I made the mistake of "rushing" into a relationship (I don't know how I could describe it differently, I'm from germany), which of course didn't end well.

 

But now I have the complete opposite of this terrible experience, I'm in a relationship with someone I know for over 2 years. At first I actually did not recognize that we fit so well, but he came to visit me to my 18th birthday this year and that was when we both noticed that we REALLY like each other. A few weeks later I visited him, and that was when we got into a relationship.

 

These are examples for the pros and and the cons, I hope it shows that one must be careful, but if so, theres a good chance of meeting someone you could fall in love with, since there are so many people in the internet. =)

[shadowgrr]

I don't think it's working out. If you don't see someone face to face, you can't understand him. He/She might also lying bout him/her. And in the end, personal contact is the most important on relationships, (If you can't feel see, live someones life you can't be actually together. The other is always an uncatched dream and not reality, and if something happens, it lasts at the best of the occasions only a few of happy years).

Anyway, online dating is something I wouldn't try, because I always have people who care about me in real life.

[vintageandroid]

I met my girl (CaduceusCade) online in a non-dating context. We hit it off, started chatting online, became good friends, then realized we had feelings for each other. I flew out to see her in person a few times, and then I moved in with her when I lost my job. Our first anniversary's this month.

 

Long distance is crazy hard, I'll tell you that now. It's frustrating to not be able to see each other and hug each other and all that jazz. It does have benefits, though--you have to be really good at talking through problems and communication in general, which carries over when you're physically together.

 

It's true there's an element of risk with online dating, people can lie, etc. But people can lie to you in person easily enough, too, so that doesn't mean a thing to me.

[CaduceusCade]

It all depends on how you go about it really.

 

You're no more safe from lying and general bull in person than you are online, there's a bit you can lie about online you can't irl, like you can claim you're 14 and female when you're 44 and male, but you're not suddenly safe because you're in person.

 

You can be cheated on for years and years, people can live entire other lives you have no idea about. You can date someone who's a pathological liar. Think that's something that can be figured out pretty quickly? When you have someone who's either really good at it, or supported by other people in their lives, no you can't.

 

If you want to be perfectly frank, you're no safer with either option. So I have to say I am legitimately sick of hearing how dangerous or unsafe or whatver online dating is.

 

The real answer is to approach it sensibly and intelligently, regardless of what forum it involves.

 

My longest relationship ever started online, and I've been with him for ten years now. I've been with vintageandroid for a year of that as well. I also met heronline as well.

[CaduceusCade]

[snip]you have to be really good at talking through problems and communication in general, which carries over when you're physically together.[/snip]

Technically, "really good at communication" is extremely important, regardless of what sort of relationship you're having. If people communicated more, it's entirely possible that there'd be less relationship problems, or really human conflict in general.

 

Then again, maybe not.

[dark_kitsune]

I've seen some success stories and I've seen horror stories. My dad's 3rd wife - he met her online and they were married (happily) for over 10 years. She stayed with him right up until the end (RIP, Dad).

 

But on the other hand - I know a guy who met his 'girlfriend' online. He paid to move her from Oregon to Nevada and they moved in together (this is after only really knowing her online) and she turned out to be a total nut job. He actually feared for his life.

 

So....yeah. I'd say it's fine, just as long as you're careful and you really get to know the person.

[Shienvien]

You're no more safe from lying and general bull in person than you are online

- To add to it - some people are better at lying face to face because they either are always capable of remaining confident, are very charismatic, you might miss contradictions which you could go back to and check over in text, et cetera. And some people, in return, are innately bad at reading human emotions in general, which for them further nulls out the general benefits of face-to-face interaction.

 

People have gotten off with saying things which, once written down in plain unemotional text, leave one wondering how on Earth could someone fallen for something like that.

Edited June 1, 2013 by Shienvien

[senyi]

I don't mind online dating, as long as that the couple are mature enough to handle it and are committed to each other.

[Draco Knight]

I find online dating to be a double edged sword.

 

On the one hand, it's a wonderful tool for people to meet liked minded individuals. I'm a huge animal buff and I love to do outdoor things like snorkeling and kayaking. It's hard to randomly meet someone who will put up with my pets and habits, even harder to fine someone who shares them. Careful and cautious online dating has opened up doors I might not have been able to find.

 

On the other hand, it can easily be abused. People can get personal information, photos, etc... from you if you're not careful. Leaving out the people who use online dating services to straight up take advantage of people, it's still full of weirdos and the like.

 

Just like any other tool, you have to handle it correctly or you might injure yourself.

 

Be cautious, be aware, always break contact if something feels off.

[HeatherMarie]

Blah blah blah, it's dangerous, risks, can't know for sure who you are talking to, etc etc etc. I've heard it all.

 

And while it's true that you need to be *cautious* when online dating, it's really no different then real-life dating. I'm not going to tell some stranger in a bar my home address, well I wouldn't do that online either. Not until I trust the person, until they've *earned* my trust. And that comes with time and honesty.

 

In my experience, it's sort of easy to sort out the reals from the fakes. Now this is JUST in my experience, ymmv, but I've talked to plenty of potential dates online and one thing I've noticed: the "fakes" or suspicious ones don't tend to wait around. We email back and forth a few times, and if I'm fairly vague about any personal information and repeat phrases like "I won't talk about that until I know you better" and "I haven't known you long enough to send you a picture", well they lose interest fast.

 

On the other hand. Some persist, understand where I stand.... And that's how my two longest relationships started out online. The last one, I met her through an online journal community, we talked online and on the phone for 4 months before she made a trip to meet me (with my mom's approval). We stayed together over 3 years. And yes, it's *hard* to live two states away from the person you love, but *if* there is open communication and honesty, and if you are both on the same level of commitment, it *can* work.

[SandstormL]

It can work and I'm not against it, but, if the person is in a different time zone that's a big gap compared to yours, don't do it, just, don't.

 

My personal experience with it:

 

I only ever dated two people, and both were online. The first was very elusive, although her time zone was only two hours behind me, she wasn't online much, and very controlled by her overly religious family (who sadly happened to be bigots minus her sister). I couldn't call her at all due to her family, as they would not let her have a life online, since her mother was very technology stupid, she contacted me in secret for more than four years. We were very close and I loved her very much, even though we were from two completely different worlds. (I'm not religious, at all.)

 

One day she disappeared, in 2010 around Christmas. I got a friend that lived in the same area to call her. Turns out she had Mono, got a big e-mail from her. I sent a reply and then months later, no return e-mail. I got my friend to call her again, and it was the father that picked up and said, "She's out with her mother." I tried to get up the courage to call her, but it appears their number changed, because it's suddenly a number for a church now.

 

Either they figured it out, that she had a life online, or she didn't get better from Mono, or she just got better, upped and left, though that really doesn't seem like her considering all we've been through. It's been years since she disappeared, and she was known as Stelline around the web, I met her on Furcadia.

 

I was an emotional mess when she disappeared... I couldn't call in fear of endangering her life (she could of gotten thrown out of her house, or worse I fear), I sent her so many e-mails, looked around the net for news to see if she'd maybe lost her life due to mono, but I couldn't find anything. I still wonder today if she's alright.

 

I'll probably never know what happened, all her e-mails are deactivated and she hasn't been around Furcadia or DA for about 3 years now. (I still beat myself up about it a bit, I still wonder what would of happened if I called the police in that area...)

 

I still very much miss her, even today.

 

The second person, who I'm currently dating, I've already know for years before I asked. It took awhile to heal from the first before I actually could ask her out.

 

And this relationship is painful to be completely honest, requires a boat ton of sacrifice and late nights. I have been dating my gf for about a year and almost a half now, and we both are not healthy due to it. Our sleep and eating patterns are purely awful, and I have to stay up late on week days just to see her because her homophobic boss is just a *insert colorful word here* and REFUSES to give her a better time schedule that fits mine, she's 4 hours behind my time zone and it really sucks.

 

On the bright side however, she understands me like no other, pretty much taught me how to truly love, and has done nothing but give, give, give. Not sure what in earth's name I've done to deserve her in my life, I'm very happy to have her nonetheless.

 

The distance is practically killing me though, and I worry we may not be able to move in together due to how far apart our families are. We live on separate sides of Canada. She is however coming to visit soon, and I'm quite excited, but also very scared.

 

I have been VERY lucky with online relationships. I only ever once had a train wreck, and the circle of friends I have now online are all absolutely amazing, whenever I skype with them all, it honestly feels like I'm meeting them at the cafe for some coffee and a chat. Even more luckier so, one of my friend's gf's are also apart of that group!

 

So yeah, in conclusion, it does work, however when something goes down, it's VERY PAINFUL and leaves an everlasting impression on your mind.

 

Every since Stell disappeared, I have a constant fear that anyone else will go next...

 

And I nearly had that happen recently to boot. e.o

Edited June 2, 2013 by SandstormL

[Shienvien]

It can work and I'm not against it, but, if the person is in a different time zone that's a big gap compared to yours, don't do it, just, don't.

Depends on the person. I tend to be naturally active at varying times myself. In fact, my random living pattern has encouraged my socializing with people from other time zones, not vice versa.