Online Dating

[popcorncat11]

I've never personally had experience with online dating. Sure, it seems easier. You don't have to go out into the big world, you can just sit behind a screen, and nobody will know who you actually are until you meet face to face. But there's always a chance that the person you are falling head over heels for is a serial killer. I'd rather know who the guy is before I fall for him, romance via the internet can either lead to romance or disaster. I don't want to take my chances.

[7Deadly$ins]

I've never personally had experience with online dating. Sure, it seems easier. You don't have to go out into the big world, you can just sit behind a screen, and nobody will know who you actually are until you meet face to face. But there's always a chance that the person you are falling head over heels for is a serial killer. I'd rather know who the guy is before I fall for him, romance via the internet can either lead to romance or disaster. I don't want to take my chances.

There's always that chance in person too.

[HeatherMarie]

There's always that chance in person too.

Exactly. My mom met, dated, and married a man who turned out to be horribly abusive. Would it had turned out any differently if she'd met him online?

 

The world has risks. Everywhere. And it's mostly the *same* risks, everywhere. Even a teenager who starts dating someone in high school could end up in a very risky situation. I honestly get really sick of people acting like the internet is some secret-danger-society, when the fact is those dangers exist *everywhere*.

 

I mean how do you know that guy you meet at the bookstore, or at a mall, or at a bar, isn't a serial killer? You really think seeing him face to face and talking to him will somehow make it clear if he's dangerous? No, it doesn't work like that. In real life, AND online, the most you can really do is use common sense. With new dates, meet in public, don't give out too much information, never agree to meet alone or take them to your place until you honestly trust them. That's really all you can do, whether it originated online or in real life.

Edited June 3, 2013 by Marie19R

[RyukoDragon]

Risks are everywhere, online or at the local shopping center. It's all about figuring out who it is you're dealing with, which requires communication, a mind open to any signs (good or bad), and knowing when to trust someone.

 

I tried to date people here at home, but it just wasn't working out overall - guess I'm a bit too nerdy for the community! Then I met a fellow over the internet, via AMV.org, and we got to chatting. Almost a year later, this American guy had a chance to visit me in Canada for a few days, with my parents and all. We really hit it off!

 

We stayed in touch, but didn't make the jump to being in a relationship until about eight months later, when we could see each other in person again. That was about seven years ago, and we've kept communication open and honest with sporadic visits to each other since then.

 

Just over a month ago, he surprised me while visiting him and his family in the States, and now we're engaged! It's gonna take a loooooooooot of paperwork and time and negotiation to get him up to Canada, but we've waited this long, and we know it'll be worth it.

 

Online dating isn't impossible, a joke, a farce, or anything less real than dating someone locally. It can be more difficult, sure, but if you can survive it, then you KNOW you've got something special!

[Earth Gurl]

I honestly don't seem to find any point in online dating that requires actual long-distance. (Basically LOOKING for someone online. If you meet someone by chance that you fall in love with, that's a different story altogether). I believe online dating with people somewhat in your general area would be wiser. Or just finding someone near you the old fashioned way- by actually talking to people.

I've been through the online dating thing, and in my opinion, dating someone you can touch and physically bond with is much more important. Maybe that's just me, but I've been through the lying and there is much more of a communication gap in online dating because there's more wiggle room for lies. Definitely not my thing. Maybe I'm just too lazy to keep it going with all the extra crap that goes along with it.

[virtualoo]

I would look for someone to date online and would keep it distant until you have talked enough and over an extended period of time. With Skype now, if they cant use skype and you can see them on the screen moving and talking, you might have a problem

[Nectoblix]

I find them quite interesting actually but most of the time when they say kids shouldn't go on the site half of the people on the site are probably kids which I totally disagree with,Also say if your going to meet someone that you've chatted to online it could be anyone and it could be a potential danger for yourself. So I'm not that sure about them since I can girlfriends without looking around on the internet.

[Marrionetta]

I would look for someone to date online and would keep it distant until you have talked enough and over an extended period of time. With Skype now, if they cant use skype and you can see them on the screen moving and talking, you might have a problem

Skype was pretty integral to my relationship with my boyfriend.

 

Eruru found a guy in an imgur comment called Bearpants and introduced me to him a little over a year ago. We chatted in skype, then voice chat, then video chat. It took about a month but I really got to know him well and he asked me out. I'd dated someone I met online (on DC, as a matter of fact) once before, and that was a pretty serious relationship (2 years, all long distance) that crashed and burned spectacularly, so I was pretty hesitant at first. Bearpants turned out to be fabulous, and ended up moving from Idaho to Oregon to be with me right before our two month mark. It happened really fast! He got a job and is renting a studio in a house from my sister and her fiance and things are looking up. He's every bit the person he presented himself to be, and in a month it'll be a year for us. I'm excited.

 

Communication, transparency, patience. That's what it takes, and what I didn't have the first time around. Online dating really gives you the advantage of getting to know someone in a 'bubble' so you have a pretty good idea of who they are before you meet. Obviously standard warnings apply, but if you have good sense, it's pretty hard to fake a whole person convincingly and consistently over time. Be careful, but don't close off your heart. The human ability to reach beyond barriers and touch others' hearts is an amazing thing.

[Emmerz24]

When I was 15 years old I met a dude online a penpal site one day without expecting much as most of the other people on there were just losers. He was different, though, and we started talking every single day when we got a chance... and I don't mean just those little messages people do from time to time; I mean long, multiple paragraphed messages about our lives and our opinions on things and basically we were just best friends talking and had no intention of dating each other at the start.

 

But naturally after spilling so much of myself to him and learning so much about him, I started to develop feelings for Vik, but he had previously stated that he didn't think much about dating and said he wouldn't date someone who was 15 seeing as he was 18, so I figured that opinion stuck as a year or so went by. However in July 2011 I was feeling really down and nobody else was there to talk to except for him. He was there for me every horrible step of my life during that time. We started dating on July 9th of that year after awkwardly admitting that we had feelings for each other and wanted to be more than friends.

 

Over these two years we've had a lot of tough breaks. I've honestly wondered to myself thousands of times if this is the right thing to do or if we should wait until he's here with me to dive into a serious relationship. I fully intend on being with him forever, however...even though I'm sure that I'm going to have the trust issues I've got regardless of whether our relationship is online or not.

 

Long story short: Yes, I think that LDRs can work out as long as you intend on being physically together eventually.

 

Also, Skype has helped me a lot with it, too because I now know that it's a real person that I've been talking to, though I never really had a doubt about that haha. I will admit that I miss talking to him as much as we did in messages, though.

 

 

[LikeTwoPancakes]

I've has some bad experiences but I don't think it's bad to date online.

I much rather have a relationship where we can spend time together physically. The guy I was with couldn't even talk to me on the phone. Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship.

[Rachel72]

On-line dating can be tricky. just have to be careful out there.

[Total Reverse]

I think it's fine for anyone who wants to try it.

It would be very awkward if it was international, but if you lived pretty close (like same state or adjacent state) it would seem less wierd and would probably have a better chance of working out.

[Pippyspot]

It can work out - I met my boyfriend online, and we met irl, now we're living together and everything is perfect. You do have to be extremely careful, and a lot of trust is needed, but you can find the one

[Walker]

Okay, but I find myself at the point I'm in this situation.

 

For those who have done online dating, can you throw me some advice for ideas about long-distance dates online? I'm going to go out of my way to plan date nights and such since long-distance requires a lot of work and I want to spoil her. I've already compiled some games we can play together and sites where we can watch movies together, but if there is any other ideas/suggestions let me know! I'd love to hear the advice you might have.

[Matmetchi]

i've been dating someone long distance online for about 1 1/2 years and i've been really happy so far overall! i think it really tests your trust and communication skills, but also puts some strain on the relationship. you aren't there to get physical affection which can be a deal breaker for some people, and you do miss out on a large chunk of their life.

 

@Walker: things i've done with my datemate is watch movies, watch shows, watch our favorite youtubers, stream myself or watch them play games, stream myself or watch them draw, LOTS of voice and video chats, if you both have mobile devices try installing Couple which is an app that's for couples and has cute features like thumb kissing, drawing together on one canvas, a chat and list section, a memory sections of all the voice clips, video clips, and pictures you've taken with the app. it can be a lot of fun!

[Birdwhispers]

I think that as long as you're careful and safe with how you go about meeting people online, it can be a lot of fun! Currently 1 year 2 months with my BF in England. We skype everyday and we hope to meet each other some time this year. We've mailed each other some gifts (both which happened to be pokemon plushies and country-exclusive foods). It's really exciting and definitely amazing to have strong connection with someone who lives far away. I can deal with the distance quite well, as I don't require physical contact due to my somewhat withdrawn nature. Though being together would be really nice, I don't need it just yet.

 

Personally, I prefer online dating to standard irl dating. I tend to be very shy and distant, so it's hard to feel comfortable with guys around here ^^'

My parents don't really understand my choices but they're not discouraging of it, which is great!

[Starscream]

Well, to make a long story short. I met a guy online, and I said, why not visit for a bit. He was travelling from Africa and I offered him a place to stay in Canada, with barely my parent's permission. My stepfather asked me "how do you know he's not some sort of axe murderer" I basically responded "How does he know that I am not one?" We had chatted for a long time online beforehand.

 

When he came down, he ended up staying for 5 weeks. We connected and I realised, I really liked this guy and he went back to the USA and I wanted him back. He's from africa, how do I keep him?

 

I invited him back after moving out and said, I wanted to form a relationship of sorts. We really liked each other and he agreed to come back after a month of being in the USA again. It took two years for us to get his papers, and extended his visitors visa. We got married 5 months after meeting and we have been married for 17 years.

[LupaWulf]

I met a total jerk through an online dating site. Moral of the story, get their name and do a real criminal background check. Many states have people's records online now so it's easy.

 

On the other hand, I have met some really cool guys through forums where we have a mutual interest! One was a distance of only 3 hours or so. We dated for a ciouple of years, broke up for reasons other than distance. We would visit eachother most weekends.

One was 4000+ miles away. We talked on the phone so much- usually during my lunch at work and every single night before bed. We never ran out of stuff to say, this was before Skype and stuff really. We would cook at the same time, chat, just do everything. Send lots of pictures back and forth (not really risque, just goofy stuff from the house). I guess fun is how you make it. I'd go and eat dinner by myself while chatting with him on the phone (take out by the lake or stuff where a phone chat wouldn't bother people). We burned millions of phone minutes. It was fun.

 

I visited him once, he visited me, then I moved up. (after 9 months of that I think) Best decision of my life. He proposed to me, but it didn't work out after a couple of years. Sometimes crap happens distance or no.

 

Still the best decision of my life. If I had never moved up here, I think I'd still be super miserable back where I grew up. I have met so many awesome people up here thanks to meeting my ex on the forum! I would have never met my current boyfriend if it wasn't for him either.

[Starscream]

that is, an incredibly positive way of looking at a situation that did not go so well. Kudos to you for seeing it in that manner.

 

This other example of meeting someone online was actually a forum member TJsweepers, to whom I met at a convention more by accident than by trying. A small sample of the female population was busy sitting at a table where we were pulling apart and painting toys - sort of like a santa's workshop but with more nefarious purpose of changing the Autobot into a Decepticon. We got talking about our interests and I believe I made a comment about having 180+ starscream figures in my collection (My signature lies - well is old) then she asked if I was a mod on Dragcave.net.

 

It was awesome meeting someone so at random.

 

But when it comes to dating, yeah this is something you have to be careful about. Basically when it came to my foreign boyfriend now husband. He required background checks, medical checks, before they issued him a permanent resident card. So in a nutshell, I knew he had no criminal record.

 

The risk with online dating and conventional dating may be similar. You can still find creepy individuals going to a bar, or some other event.

[Shienvien]

The risk with online dating and conventional dating may be similar. You can still find creepy individuals going to a bar, or some other event.

This. It doesn't matter whether you meet a person online or face to face, some healthy scepticism is always in order. And it doesn't matter whether you're male or female; there are equal numbers of rather unpleasant individuals of either sex floating about.

[Rachel72]

It's personal preference for each individual... If it works great..if it doesn't thats okay, too

[LupaWulf]

that is, an incredibly positive way of looking at a situation that did not go so well. Kudos to you for seeing it in that manner.

 

This other example of meeting someone online was actually a forum member TJsweepers, to whom I met at a convention more by accident than by trying. A small sample of the female population was busy sitting at a table where we were pulling apart and painting toys - sort of like a santa's workshop but with more nefarious purpose of changing the Autobot into a Decepticon. We got talking about our interests and I believe I made a comment about having 180+ starscream figures in my collection (My signature lies - well is old) then she asked if I was a mod on Dragcave.net.

 

It was awesome meeting someone so at random.

 

But when it comes to dating, yeah this is something you have to be careful about. Basically when it came to my foreign boyfriend now husband. He required background checks, medical checks, before they issued him a permanent resident card. So in a nutshell, I knew he had no criminal record.

 

The risk with online dating and conventional dating may be similar. You can still find creepy individuals going to a bar, or some other event.

Well, the guy who was the catalyst for my moving is a good guy. We are still friends. It's more honesty than positive outlook. Plus I do admit, I woudl have never moved if I hated Alaska after visiting mid winter. Some people work better as friends than in a relationship.

 

 

True about bars. I've had more friends experience guys lying about criminal pasts via internet than in person. They seem happier to lie, but in person they tend to omit or say they don't want to talk about it.

[Black Blaze]

The idea of online dating always bothered me because you never know if the other party is being 100% truthful. There's always something they could be hiding and you'd never know, and I would always speak out against it.

 

And then my first SO happens to be through online connections. I guess I'm a hypocrite in that way. In my own defense, however, I've known him for over four years and he became one of my closest friends so in that case I trust him completely. However, I won't really know how things will turn out until I get to meet him face to face.

 

Although I still will speak out against online dating anyway. It can be dangerous, it can be hurtful. Sometimes they just don't turn out as you want them to. One of my friends was in an online relationship for a little while, and her boyfriend flew down to spend a week with her. After he left she realized she didn't actually have any romantic feelings for him at all and broke up with him not too long after.

[AnanoKimi]

Okay, but I find myself at the point I'm in this situation.

 

For those who have done online dating, can you throw me some advice for ideas about long-distance dates online? I'm going to go out of my way to plan date nights and such since long-distance requires a lot of work and I want to spoil her. I've already compiled some games we can play together and sites where we can watch movies together, but if there is any other ideas/suggestions let me know! I'd love to hear the advice you might have.

If you two know each other address, mail her something nice. I am in an LDR. We've known each other for 3 years and have been officially dating for 1 year. Before we started officially dating to where everyone knew, we were in this sort of secret relationship. after about 2 ish years we gave eachothers adress and every so often for valentines, christmas, my birthday, etc, he would mail me a gift or just something cute. Having something he personally sent me just made it so special and it always just made my heart want to explode.

 

So if you know her address then mail her an occasional surprise gift. If not little date nights are always nice. On dates like valentines or her birthday surprise her with a surprise song or draw something on paint and email it to her or just a random little act of "I care and I'm always thinking of you" will melt her heart.

Edited January 5, 2015 by AnanoKimi

[Shienvien]

The idea of online dating always bothered me because you never know if the other party is being 100% truthful. There's always something they could be hiding and you'd never know, and I would always speak out against it.

Humans *aren't* more truthful simply because you're in the same room as them. The only thing that may be easier to lie about on the net is your appearance - and this is the (without any puns intended) most superficial thing about a person. That friendly person who approached you in a bar could easily be hiding many a nasty thing in their past. Your helpful colleague may have been physically abusive towards their late SO. And so on and so forth.