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Grammar Patrol

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From the Mutamore (view page) description:

 

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However, when winter begins to wane, these normally grouchy dragons undergo a massive personality shift and become excessively chipper and incredibly social with the solitary focus of pairing up themselves—and other—dragons.

 

I think the em dashes (?) don't make sense like this.

 

 

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Their lusciously soft feathers and paper-thin golden spires are by no means the armor of a warrior, but an Erador Lindwyrm is a force to be reckoned with.



This may be grammatically correct, but I find it super-confusing to start a description with the word "They."

The first sentence would be better if it was something like:

Erador Lindwyrms' lusciously soft feathers and paper-thin golden spires are by no means the armor of a warrior, but they can be a force to be reckoned with.

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1 hour ago, Kakaru_of_DOOM said:



This may be grammatically correct, but I find it super-confusing to start a description with the word "They."

The first sentence would be better if it was something like:

 

I actually like it like this, something a little different.

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Females Blancblacks have longer tails than males, which they use as whips when defending a nest from predators.

Female Blancblacks

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A male only stays with his mate until her egg hatches, then he leaves and she joins the other nursing females.

 

"nursing" implies that the purple females are producing a milk with which to feed their offspring. My understanding is that DC dragons are reptiles, and to my knowledge no reptile produces milk. (Certain birds produce a 'milk' in their crop which they regurgitate; some spiders exude their own version from their abdomens, but no reptiles seem to have anything.) Either add a point under "basic appearance/anatomy" that states female purples produce a milk from glands somewhere, or (probably better) the phase should be updated to "child-rearing females" or "females with young."

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Despite their hoarding tendencies, though, Fire Gem dragons are social

 

From the Fire Gem adult description. Since the sentence starts with “despite,” “though” isn’t really necessary.

Edited by Niyaka
formatting

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Whiptail encyclopaedia entry:

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- Carnivores.
- Hatchlings eat a fair mix of meat and fruit to get the nutrients they need.

- Require less fruit as they grow older, consuming only meat once they reach adulthood.

 

I think the first bullet point should be "Carnivorous as adults." or "Adults are carnivores." to more accurately represent the changing dietary requirements.

 

Edited by Kakaru_of_DOOM
proofread!

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"Their delicate skin and thin scales are prone to external parasites, and so Sapo dragons are also fastidious groomers who will spend a considerable amount of time cleaning themselves, even using their bubbles to help blast away any unwanted debris."

 

The 'and' isn't necessary.

 

"Their delicate skin and thin scales are prone to external parasites, so Sapo dragons are also fastidious groomers who will spend a considerable amount of time cleaning themselves, even using their bubbles to help blast away any unwanted debris."

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1 minute ago, Lagie said:

"Their delicate skin and thin scales are prone to external parasites, and so Sapo dragons are also fastidious groomers who will spend a considerable amount of time cleaning themselves, even using their bubbles to help blast away any unwanted debris."

 

The 'and' isn't necessary.

 

"Their delicate skin and thin scales are prone to external parasites, so Sapo dragons are also fastidious groomers who will spend a considerable amount of time cleaning themselves, even using their bubbles to help blast away any unwanted debris."

 

the "also" could go, too.  "...so Sapo dragons are fastidious groomers..."

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Speckle-Throated

'Couples will perform acrobatic dances togther before breeding.'

-'together' is misspelled

'Males and females both protect friends from danger.'

- it's the 4th mention of friends... wasn't this suposed to be youngs/hatchies?

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Coral pygmy wyvern description:

 

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these tiny dragons pack a ferocious punch; painful to sharks, dragons, and other substantially larger predators.

 

What follows the semicolon is not a complete sentence. Either make a subject for the phrase after the semicolon or turn the semicolon into a comma.

 

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Xeno Obinar description : 

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act as natural camoflage

 

Camouflage has a u in there.

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The adult Aso:

"tendancies" => "tendencies"

 

The adult Umbras:

"crystaline" => "crystalline"

 

The adult Obidar:

"variey" => "variety"

"foilage" => "foliage"

and yes, "camouflage"

Edited by Ruby Eyes

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Would also add from Aso:

Aso dwell in the frigid waters of the far north and south, and are occasionally spotted near tundra shores and iceflows.

I think it should be ice floes? I'm not sure if floe/flow are used interchangeably.

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No they aren't - you're quite right !

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Thalassas are a unique variety of Xenowyrm in that they are the only subspecies known to dwell in marine environments.


Not anymore, they aren't. The new asoxenos appear to spend quite a bit of time in the water as well. Changing that to say they live "exclusively" in marine environments may help, since the asos spend much of their time on ice floes and tundra.

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the description for adult pseudo-wyvern drakes has the capitalization "Pseudo-wyvern" while the encyclopedia (and breed info on the dragon's page under gender/location) has "Pseudo-Wyvern" (which I think is the correct capitalization). i think the name should be consistently capitalized in both places!

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I noticed a couple of (small) typos in the Skystrider description!

 

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Skystrider dragons mostly hunt on birds and other flying insect, leading their presence to be welcomed . . . 

 

In this section, shouldn't "dragons" be capitalized and "insect" made plural? Also, this may be a nitpick, but I would leave out the word "other", as birds are not insects :)

Edited by cabuso

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1 hour ago, cabuso said:

I noticed a couple of (small) typos in the Skystrider description!

 

 

In this section, shouldn't "dragons" be capitalized and "insect" made plural? Also, this may be a nitpick, but I would leave out the word "other", as birds are not insects :)

Agree with most of this, plus the word "on" seems unnecessary and awkward. Seems like it should read something like this: Skystrider Dragons mostly hunt (or prey on, but not hunt on) birds and flying insects...

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Common Pygmy Encyclopedia entry:

  • Whenever they get the chance, they take the meat left over from other dragon’s kills.

Should probably be either

  • Whenever they get the chance, they take the meat left over from other dragons' kills.

or

  • Whenever they get the chance, they take the meat left over from another dragon’s kills.

 

  • Occassionally you see them catch birds or small mammals.

Should be

  • Occasionally, you see them catch birds or small mammals.

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A couple of issues on the Grave encyclopedia entry:

  • Faces have almost few muscles, causing their constant disturbing expression.

"almost no muscles" or just "few"

  • Tounges are very long like a snakes and black.

"Tongues are very long and black, like a snake's."

  • Enjoy music and may rarely make haunting tunes when left alone.

"may rarely make" seems off here; sounds like it should be "may, on rare occasions, make"?

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Vampire hatchling encyclopaedia entry:

Secrete a noxious smell which makes carrion lose their appetite



I think "carrion" should be "carrion-eaters". Carrion is the dead stuff baby vampires look like.

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I just have to ask...  Does anyone check the grammar and spelling before new dragons are released?

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