Hatchlings OoC Thread

[Happykawaiicat]

Um... I think you need to do some revisions first before you are accepted. I'll point out just what I see right now; please don't freak out if you see a lot of critique, it's just my nature. I don't have final say though, Booo and littlelostdragon are free to override me, these are just my opinions on what could make your sheets better, because right now I can confidently say that they aren't detailed enough to be accepted yet.

 

Riokua:

 

There isn't enough information here. What sort of visions? What's his limit specifically? How does he use this power? Does he need some kind of "fuel" or "source" to use it? Also, what do you mean by minor events? If you mean smaller, unimportant things, I'm not sure how this power would be beneficial.

 

 

My main concern here is that it's very Anti-Sueish (a character that's a "Mary Sue" means that it's "perfect" and good at everything; an Anti-Sue is like the emo version of that, where it's imperfect and bad at everything). This is generally avoided in roleplays because it doesn't play well. I can see how you can keep loneliness and depression in his personality though by fleshing it out much, much more. How was he before he became depressed? What caused his depression? Is there anything underneath it that can be brought out, anything that breaks through the depression and might make him laugh or smile now and then? Why is he a loner, and can it, too, eventually be broken through by some specific act?

 

 

I'm not sure what this means, it's not very clear. 9 failed breedings with what dragons? How did that pertain to the him and his siblings? Also I'm comparing the ages of your other characters (presumably both of his siblings) with his own, and the age gap between him and Kioua is huge; you might want to consider balancing it out more. The gap between him and Ri I don't have an issue with.

 

 

This is also dangerously Anti-Sue, so I strongly advise changing it. Same with his personality though, you didn't elaborate on why these things happened. Why is he suicidal? Was it because of his younger sister? Something else? How did he manage to lose both wings by sharp rocks and not die from shock/blood loss? Was there a dragon nearby to help him after the fall? Why is he still not trying to commit suicide/isn't dead right now, if he's so keen on killing himself? And again, was there anything prior to these events that made him a different, perhaps happier, dragon?

 

Kioua:

 

I don't know how this is a power. I can draw on trees too, just not very well; do you mean that she's particularly artistic? That would be a skill and not a power, since the powers are meant to be more supernatural.

 

 

Also Anti-Sueish; you need to add a lot more to this if you want to keep those traits, just like with Riokua. You also don't explain why she's mute or how that happened. A birth defect? An attack? From the attack?

 

 

I... have several problems with this. The first is that you say she was abandoned, but that would imply that her siblings weren't with her, since that's what abandonment is. The second part... is just wrong. Please remove it. It is mildly okay to imply the traumatic event, but don't actually say it, since it breaks the forum rules. That aside, why a random, adult, wild dragon? For what reason? What does this have to do with her?

 

Ri:

 

My only qualm with this is that another character already in the RP - a Soulpeace named Ranu - also has acute hearing. On the other hand, multiple abilities may have existed in the past, so this is ultimately up to Booo and/or LLD if it goes through or not.

 

 

This seems contradictory. If he was abandoned, how did he gain such an optimistic demeanor? Did he have a turning point much later on? And again, if he was abandoned that implies his siblings weren't with him, which I don't think you were going for.

 

----------

 

I think that's everything major. I have seen some other things, but I figured I would let you take it slow and not throw everything all at once. ^^' Little steps at a time!

As a summary, the biggest thing you need to do is elaborate on everything in your sheets; right now there is too little information for us to have a good idea of what any of your characters are like. Another thing that is desirable is to be semi-lit, meaning you have a decent grasp of grammar and spelling. I recommend using spellcheckers for finding your mistakes and then correcting them yourself; I've tried it, and it really cements the correct spelling in your mind!

I hope my giant post didn't scare you off, hah hah. I tend to write a lot. I just want to see you get accepted into the RP, which unfortunately, isn't feasible right now.

 

((End note for Booo/LLD; feel free to get on my case about this, I realize I've been rather critical as of late, and I still need to find the line between "being helpful" and "usurping <X>'s job"...))

sorry i didn't know of the emo marysue/garystu in the first place,I'll edit the forms to be more suitable,again I'm sorry for my idiotcal nature

[Renhart]

I got swamped in something again, but I'll look at thegamingfoxy's character briefly while I've got time. As for Happykawaiicat's characters, I think you may have covered everything Skwerl, but I'll get to that later.

 

@thegamingfoxy Dusky_Flareon made some really good points, but I'd argue that it's still a good idea to mention if your character breathes fire since not all dragons can do that.

Before I go on, I highly recommend you go over Chapter 2 in DC's guide on How to Roleplay (although you should probably scan through everything if you're new to roleplaying).

[Happykawaiicat]

I got swamped in something again, but I'll look at thegamingfoxy's character briefly while I've got time. As for Happykawaiicat's characters, I think you may have covered everything Skwerl, but I'll get to that later.

 

@thegamingfoxy Dusky_Flareon made some really good points, but I'd argue that it's still a good idea to mention if your character breathes fire since not all dragons can do that.

Before I go on, I highly recommend you go over Chapter 2 in DC's guide on How to Roleplay (although you should probably scan through everything if you're new to roleplaying).

i edited the form to hopefully to Skwerl and your liking,again let me know if i need to edit anything else

[BlaBlaDragon34]

Can I join? If I can, I'm new to Dragon cave and only have some eggs right now

So I'm gonna be an egg for a while, and you guys could find me, and take care of me until I hatch or somethin'.

 

Username: BlaBlaDragon34

Name: ???

Gender: ???

Type/Breed: ???(Yellow Crowned, though nobody knows yet)

Power: ???

Personality: ???

Appearance: It's a shimmery blue egg.

Age/Stage: Egg, apparently only a few days old.

History: It was left half-buried in a pile of sand on the beach.

Extra: ???

 

 

Edit: Forgot to add, if the egg doesn't hatch in time, I'll make it hatch in the rp anyways. Here's the link to it. /IGdH4 Please use lineage links for growing things by replacing /view/ with /lineage/ in the url.

Edited September 5, 2016 by SockPuppet Strangler

[DuskOfTheStars]

Alright, crits now.

 

1- You should have name and gender planned ahead of time. Wil they be male or female? What name will you give them when they hatch?

2-Same with breed, power, and personality. Ehat will they act like? What power will they have? Breed should be directly in its section, not ??? (Yellow-Crowned).

 

The reason these fields should be filled out is becsuse your dragon wil hatch eventually, and then what?

[Wolves-and-Wings]

Username: Noelle147

Name: Crystal

Gender: Female

Type/Breed: Geode Dragon

Power: If she points her Geode Crystals towards the sun, she can gain more energy, Enabling her to Do more.(fight, Work, etc.) She can also make a ball of light using her crystals to attack.

Personality: loving, energetic, feirce fighter, friendly to non-hostiles.

Appearance: Has bigger crystals than many of her breed, allowing her to have the powers she has. purple-pink crystals formed in and around her body, while many just have their purple crystals inside

Age/Stage: Maturing Hatchling

History: She can remember back to where she hatched from her egg, light pouring into the cracks as it soon deformed. when she came out, she was greeted by a very lonley cave, abandon a few weeks after she was laid, when many evil dragons attacked. she saw many broken eggs of dead dragons, so she knew she would not be able to stay, she then abandon the cave, tending to herself. One day she was wandering near her abandon cave in the forest when she spotted a group of hatchlings wandering about. She hid her self and watched their faces fill with horror when they saw the inside of the cave,she revealed her self and told her story. These dragons were not hostile, as far as she could see. so she took them as new friends.

Extra: Has skills/tricks with living in the wilderness.

[BlaBlaDragon34]

Alright, crits now.

 

1- You should have name and gender planned ahead of time. Wil they be male or female? What name will you give them when they hatch?

2-Same with breed, power, and personality. Ehat will they act like? What power will they have? Breed should be directly in its section, not ??? (Yellow-Crowned).

 

The reason these fields should be filled out is becsuse your dragon wil hatch eventually, and then what?

Well, I do have it planned out, I can add that here. That was the general form, of what the characters knew in the roleplay.

 

Name: Auris (Pronounced ARE-IZ)

Gender: Male

Breed: Yellow Crowned Dragon

Power: He has a faint gold aura that constantly glows around his tail, horns, paws, and wing-tips. Somehow, he can harness this aura and draw it up to his horns to shoot out a beam of light. However, it consumes a lot of energy and strength. The aura grows fainter and he usually falls asleep after using it. Until he is mature, this beam can only blind people momentarily.

Personality: He's fast and timid at hatchling. Once his wings grow in, however, he becomes semi-competitive, playful, and generally weird in whatever is going on under those blue-and-gold scales of his.

 

(However, since this character is based off an egg I actually have, once it hatches, if it's female the name will change to Aurea(ARE-EE-UH) so don't be surprised if suddenly that happens.)

[Renhart]

Your character doesn't have to perfectly mimic your DC dragon and what you decide on the form is what sticks, so you need to decide your character's gender in order to get approved. Also, it appears you've missed a few sections.

 

DC's guide on How to Roleplay is really helpful if you're new to roleplaying. Like I said to thegamingfoxy, I highly recommend you go over Chapter 2 to get a better understanding of what you need to get your character approved.

 

@Dusky_Flareon Part of the reason why I haven't been posting is that I've been feeling overwhelmed offline so I appreciate the help.

@noelle147 I'll get to your character soon. We've got a wave of people wanting to join all of the sudden and I just find it easier to only focus on 1 or 2 at a time.

 

i edited the form to hopefully to Skwerl and your liking,again let me know if i need to edit anything else

It's getting there, but I think their personalities need to be explained in a little more depth and there are still some typos, but only minor ones. Also, I'm curious why you didn't list their powers as anything having to do with electricity since their Electric dragons.

[Happykawaiicat]

Your character doesn't have to perfectly mimic your DC dragon and what you decide on the form is what sticks, so you need to decide your character's gender in order to get approved. Also, it appears you've missed a few sections.

 

DC's guide on How to Roleplay is really helpful if you're new to roleplaying. Like I said to thegamingfoxy, I highly recommend you go over Chapter 2 to get a better understanding of what you need to get your character approved.

 

@Dusky_Flareon Part of the reason why I haven't been posting is that I've been feeling overwhelmed offline so I appreciate the help.

@noelle147 I'll get to your character soon. We've got a wave of people wanting to join all of the sudden and I just find it easier to only focus on 1 or 2 at a time.

 

 

It's getting there, but I think their personalities need to be explained in a little more depth and there are still some typos, but only minor ones. Also, I'm curious why you didn't list their powers as anything having to do with electricity since their Electric dragons.

I don't like when dragons are forced to,by the creator have powers that fall under 'normal' for that dragon species,so that's why

[SaphireKat]

Hey, would it be possible to tweak Vulkoor's form a little bit? I feel like I left out a few things that would affect his character later on. It would only be to his personality and/or history. And that he maybe a little to his appearence (I want him to have green eyes )

[Wolves-and-Wings]

was I accepted?

[DuskOfTheStars]

was I accepted?

Not yet, your form needs crits. If nobody crits yours by the time my homework is done, I'll have a look.

Edited September 5, 2016 by Dusky_Flareon

[BlaBlaDragon34]

Your character doesn't have to perfectly mimic your DC dragon and what you decide on the form is what sticks, so you need to decide your character's gender in order to get approved. Also, it appears you've missed a few sections.

 

DC's guide on How to Roleplay is really helpful if you're new to roleplaying. Like I said to thegamingfoxy, I highly recommend you go over Chapter 2 to get a better understanding of what you need to get your character approved.

 

@Dusky_Flareon Part of the reason why I haven't been posting is that I've been feeling overwhelmed offline so I appreciate the help.

@noelle147 I'll get to your character soon. We've got a wave of people wanting to join all of the sudden and I just find it easier to only focus on 1 or 2 at a time.

 

 

It's getting there, but I think their personalities need to be explained in a little more depth and there are still some typos, but only minor ones. Also, I'm curious why you didn't list their powers as anything having to do with electricity since their Electric dragons.

Well, you see, that was only there to fill out once he hatches, I have his current thing a few comments above that. And he's not exactly like my DC dragon, it's just that I'd like to have it that way. But if it means my dragon won't be accepted, then his gender stays as male. Any extras or history for Auris will be filled out once he hatched, because then I will resubmit a form and roleplay his hatching.

[SaphireKat]

Username: Noelle147

Name: Crystal

Gender: Female

Type/Breed: Geode Dragon

Power: If she points her Geode Crystals towards the sun, she can gain more energy, Enabling her to Do more.(fight, Work, etc.) She can also make a ball of light using her crystals to attack.

Personality: loving, energetic, feirce fighter, friendly to non-hostiles.

Appearance: Has bigger crystals than many of her breed, allowing her to have the powers she has. purple-pink crystals formed in and around her body, while many just have their purple crystals inside

Age/Stage: Maturing Hatchling

History: She can remember back to where she hatched from her egg, light pouring into the cracks as it soon deformed. when she came out, she was greeted by a very lonley cave, abandon a few weeks after she was laid, when many evil dragons attacked. she saw many broken eggs of dead dragons, so she knew she would not be able to stay, she then abandon the cave, tending to herself. One day she was wandering near her abandon cave in the forest when she spotted a group of hatchlings wandering about. She hid her self and watched their faces fill with horror when they saw the inside of the cave,she revealed her self and told her story. These dragons were not hostile, as far as she could see. so she took them as new friends.

Extra: Has skills/tricks with living in the wilderness.

I'll do crits.

 

"Power: If she points her Geode Crystals towards the sun, she can gain more energy, Enabling her to Do more.(fight, Work, etc.) She can also make a ball of light using her crystals to attack."

Okay, so this was the same thing I was asked when I joined, What are the cons and limits to this power? Other than she needs the sun to use it?

 

"These dragons were not hostile, as far as she could see. so she took them as new friends."

Could you possibly identify these other hatchlings? I have no idea who they could possibly be.

 

"Extra: Has skills/tricks with living in the wilderness."

You may want to specify her skills. This is very vague and can leave someone confused.

 

You also have a few grammar mistakes but eh, they really don't impact how the form is read.

 

Still, I'd like to see what Dusky or someone else would have to say about this

[DuskOfTheStars]

Username: Noelle147

Name: Crystal

Gender: Female

Type/Breed: Geode Dragon

Power: If she points her Geode Crystals towards the sun, she can gain more energy, Enabling her to Do more.(fight, Work, etc.) She can also make a ball of light using her crystals to attack.

Personality: loving, energetic, feirce fighter, friendly to non-hostiles.

Appearance: Has bigger crystals than many of her breed, allowing her to have the powers she has. purple-pink crystals formed in and around her body, while many just have their purple crystals inside

Age/Stage: Maturing Hatchling

History: She can remember back to where she hatched from her egg, light pouring into the cracks as it soon deformed. when she came out, she was greeted by a very lonley cave, abandon a few weeks after she was laid, when many evil dragons attacked. she saw many broken eggs of dead dragons, so she knew she would not be able to stay, she then abandon the cave, tending to herself. One day she was wandering near her abandon cave in the forest when she spotted a group of hatchlings wandering about. She hid her self and watched their faces fill with horror when they saw the inside of the cave,she revealed her self and told her story. These dragons were not hostile, as far as she could see. so she took them as new friends.

Extra: Has skills/tricks with living in the wilderness.

Since Saphire asked...

 

1. Mmkay, I suggest running this through a grammar checker and a spell checker. By glancing I see grammatical issues aplenty. And a lot of spelling errors, too.

 

2. Saphire makes a good point. Like her, I needed to flesh out my character's power and establish weakness/strengths/cooldown. So how are her powers booted? Limits? What can she do and not do? How long sdoes it take to recharge or power up?

 

3. Expand on her personality please. Loving? What does that mean? Does she love them? Does she act really nice to them? Fierce (it's fierce, not feirce) fighter? Is she vicious in a fight? How far will she go? Why is she a fierce fighter if she's nice otherwise? Friendly to non-hostiles? What does that mean in terms of behaviour? Is sge trustworthy? What are her flaws? Does she trust too much? Does she reguse to believe xomeone can just be outright bad?

 

4. Bigger crystals? How much bigger? Purple-pink crystals? That seems like too big a colour change, as Geodes actually have blue crystals. Exactly where on her body did they form? Head? Legs? Chest?

 

5. Okay, how does an egg deform? I think the word you wanted was broke or cracked. Is the bit about why her cave was abandoned necessary? She wouldn't have seen it. Why did the evil dragons leave her egg alone? 'She abandon the cave, tending to herself' should be something along the lines of 'she left the cave, fending for herself in the forest/mountains/whatever'. Who are the hatchlings? Note that if they are the other player characters, you should not be dictating their reactions, as that is called powerplaying and is extremely rude. Powerplaying can also mess up characterization and and subplots, which are important. At least to the player who should be controlling the character. Is she really so naïve that anyone who doesn't outright attempt hurting her is her friend? There are ways to be cruel without laying a claw on your victim. Plus, I don't think she'd be THAT naïve if she had to survive in the forest.

[skwerl56767]

The official approvers are Booo and littlelostdragon (LLD) as far as I know, and because of real life it might take a while for either one of them to respond. It also seems like I took too long to write this out. Darn chores. Since SaphireKat and Dusky have you covered noelle147, I'll limit my critique there.

 

Happykawaiicat: Those are definitely looking much better! Only things I can see is that the Personality/History sections are still a bit lacking; don't be afraid to go all-out on them! LLD is also particular about the specifics on powers, so be sure to give those a once-over and ask as many questions to yourself as you can, so you can cover all of the pros and cons of the abilities.

Riokua also seems to have lost a reason for why he has no wings; I know I said that his old past (which had the reason) was a bit illogical and Anti-Sue, but you could still put in a less Sueish reason for why he has no wings; maybe they just never grew in, or he lost them in a fight with another dragon? Some ideas so you don't fall back onto the "severed by rocks" scenario.

I don't like when dragons are forced to,by the creator have powers that fall under 'normal' for that dragon species,so that's why

I see what you're saying here (that's the point of the powers in the roleplay, anyway ), but I think Booo was questioning why the electrical abilities of the dragons were never mentioned, even though they're Electrics. Since they're not mentioned one could presume that they have both their abilities and the electrical powers normal for their species, which I think would count as two powers, which is no good. In this case I would suggest mentioning the electricity and how it is nerfed, because of the existence of the new powers. Maybe they can't generate it at all, or it's limited to specific tasks? I'm also still confused about how Kiouas' ability is a power and not talent; there needs to be something more to it.

 

noelle147: I only have one suggestion for you right now, for fleshing out your Extra and Personality sections, and even her History if you distribute the information right. You say she was fending for herself out in the wilderness, but something that drastic can heavily affect one's behavior, which is something you can utilize in order to make Crystal a more believable character. Maybe she's wary of strangers, is high-strung, or is stingy about sharing food? There is a lot of opportunity there! Also yes, you need to elaborate on Crystal's power more, especially its flaws; LLD is particular about this, so it's a good idea to make sure it's as fleshed out as possible!

 

BlaBlaDragon34: Yeah, you want to write out your entire character, regardless if the dragons in the roleplay know him or not. The character sheet is so we know who your character is and have an idea of how he looks, responds, and acts, other than representing what is or is not known about him in the beginning. So you want to fill out the whole thing.

I'm guessing this is your character sheet right now?:

Username: BlaBlaDragon34

Name: Auris (Pronounced ARE-IZ)

Gender: Male

Type/Breed: Yellow-Crowned Dragon

Power: He has a faint gold aura that constantly glows around his tail, horns, paws, and wing-tips. Somehow, he can harness this aura and draw it up to his horns to shoot out a beam of light. However, it consumes a lot of energy and strength. The aura grows fainter and he usually falls asleep after using it. Until he is mature, this beam can only blind people momentarily.

Personality: He's fast and timid at hatchling. Once his wings grow in, however, he becomes semi-competitive, playful, and generally weird in whatever is going on under those blue-and-gold scales of his.

Appearance: It's a shimmery blue egg.

Age/Stage: Egg, apparently only a few days old.

History: It was left half-buried in a pile of sand on the beach.

Extra: ???

My first suggestion is to change Auris's Appearance to what he will look like after he hatches (so as a hatchling), though since you're starting out as an egg there isn't much you can do about your Age/Stage section. For History, maybe say how he ended up where he is, or talk about his family a bit? The running scenario right now is that every hatchling has had something bad happen to it or its family because of the main antagonist (Evil Crusher), so you can use that as a base idea.

Another thing I found is that you say Auris will be found on the beach, but the Hatchlings are going to the desert right now (which delays introducing your character) and Yellow-Crowns are typically found in the Desert (correct me if I'm wrong, I haven't been egg-hunting lately). As an idea, maybe change his starting location to an oasis in the desert? There's still water and sand, but it isn't too far away where the Hatchlings won't go for a while, allowing him to be introduced faster.

Edited September 5, 2016 by skwerl56767

[Wolves-and-Wings]

Since Saphire asked...

 

1. Mmkay, I suggest running this through a grammar checker and a spell checker. By glancing I see grammatical issues aplenty. And a lot of spelling errors, too.

 

2. Saphire makes a good point. Like her, I needed to flesh out my character's power and establish weakness/strengths/cooldown. So how are her powers booted? Limits? What can she do and not do? How long sdoes it take to recharge or power up?

 

3. Expand on her personality please. Loving? What does that mean? Does she love them? Does she act really nice to them? Fierce (it's fierce, not feirce) fighter? Is she vicious in a fight? How far will she go? Why is she a fierce fighter if she's nice otherwise? Friendly to non-hostiles? What does that mean in terms of behaviour? Is sge trustworthy? What are her flaws? Does she trust too much? Does she reguse to believe xomeone can just be outright bad?

 

4. Bigger crystals? How much bigger? Purple-pink crystals? That seems like too big a colour change, as Geodes actually have blue crystals. Exactly where on her body did they form? Head? Legs? Chest?

 

5. Okay, how does an egg deform? I think the word you wanted was broke or cracked. Is the bit about why her cave was abandoned necessary? She wouldn't have seen it. Why did the evil dragons leave her egg alone? 'She abandon the cave, tending to herself' should be something along the lines of 'she left the cave, fending for herself in the forest/mountains/whatever'. Who are the hatchlings? Note that if they are the other player characters, you should not be dictating their reactions, as that is called powerplaying and is extremely rude. Powerplaying can also mess up characterization and and subplots, which are important. At least to the player who should be controlling the character. Is she really so naïve that anyone who doesn't outright attempt hurting her is her friend? There are ways to be cruel without laying a claw on your victim. Plus, I don't think she'd be THAT naïve if she had to survive in the forest.

Dear god, I'm sorry I'm not the best role-player ever. I can under stand where I wasn't to descriptive but i'm gonna put my notes down here.

 

weakness/strengths/cooldown. So how are her powers booted? Limits? What can she do and not do? How long Does it take to recharge or power up?

K. so i wan't descriptive enough here. guilty as charged. Put ur sword down. Her cooldown Depends on where she is or what time it is. like i said, she can power up by Retrieving energy from the sun. if the area she is in is dark or it is a shadow covered area, it will be a downside to her powers and it will take longer.

 

Expand on her personality please. Loving? What does that mean? Does she love them? Does she act really nice to them? Fierce (it's fierce, not feirce) fighter? Is she vicious in a fight? How far will she go? Why is she a fierce fighter if she's nice otherwise? Friendly to non-hostiles? What does that mean in terms of behaviour? Is sge trustworthy? What are her flaws?

Your not the best speller in the world either, just saying. Ok. Loving in my opinion is nice. Fierce Fighter: She will fight HOSTILES until she feels as if she needs to back off. she is not a killer. So she will go as far as she feels like it.

 

Bigger crystals? How much bigger? Purple-pink crystals? That seems like too big a colour change, as Geodes actually have blue crystals. Exactly where on her body did they form? Head? Legs? Chest?

My fault, not descriptive enough. Her crystals are about 7 inches larger, they have to be so big to support her power, so back off my case. Why Purple Pink crystals? BEING CREATIVE. U can go with Blue if you want but whatever. U gonna judge my Avatar also? Her crystals mainly appear in her wings, as with most geode dragons, and her back.

 

Okay, how does an egg deform? I think the word you wanted was broke or cracked. Is the bit about why her cave was abandoned necessary? She wouldn't have seen it. Why did the evil dragons leave her egg alone? 'She abandon the cave, tending to herself' should be something along the lines of 'she left the cave, fending for herself in the forest/mountains/whatever'. Who are the hatchlings? Note that if they are the other player characters, you should not be dictating their reactions, as that is called powerplaying and is extremely rude. Powerplaying can also mess up characterization and and subplots, which are important. At least to the player who should be controlling the character. Is she really so naïve that anyone who doesn't outright attempt hurting her is her friend? There are ways to be cruel without laying a claw on your victim. Plus, I don't think she'd be THAT naïve if she had to survive in the forest.

Ok. I'm about done with this. I should have stuck to role-playing with my friends. Long story short- I was looking for the right word that seemed a little more creative, I was giving some background info, The egg she was in was hidden/was not seen, Those were the words i was looking for i just could not remember to put them in, The hatchlings were adventurers, NOT THE OTHER PLAYERS. IM NOT A IDIOT OK? she got to know the hatchlings, soon to befriend and put trust in them. her cave was near a forest.

 

Final thing: If you think i'm THAT bad, don't even bother reply to this and just ignore it like i never commented. I might ACTUALLY be that bad. And no, I'm not getting upset because you don't like my ideas. I'm upset because i feel that i did that bad with this.and if you don't no what i mean by "That bad" then i mean Throw this into the pool of coding you call the delete button Then delete the delete button so it can't escape and wipe ur memory of anything i have ever said to you because you think you might catch the lack of life disease.

Edited September 5, 2016 by noelle147

[little lost dragon]

sorry i didn't know of the emo marysue/garystu in the first place,I'll edit the forms to be more suitable,again I'm sorry for my idiotcal nature

Final thing: If you think i'm THAT bad, don't even bother reply to this and just ignore it like i never commented. I might ACTUALLY be that bad. And no, I'm not getting upset because you don't like my ideas. I'm upset because i feel that i did that bad with this.and if you don't no what i mean by "That bad" then i mean Throw this into the pool of coding you call the delete button Then delete the delete button so it can't escape and wipe ur memory of anything i have ever said to you because you think you might catch the lack of life disease.

 

Wow why trying to guilt those giving sheets crits? Not being perfect means one is bad and idiotic? When the heck did crits go from pointers to improve to "You suck!"?

 

No one is perfect right off the bat and we don't expect you to be perfect. Otherwise we'd simply turn you around instead of giving crits.

 

@noelle147 Your not going to get better at giving details when you post.... that stuff in your posts. We arn't saying your bad or anything, just giving you guys points to improve and make sure most confusion is eliminated. Something we've learned to do over the years of this RP.

 

As for Dusky_Flareon and skwerl56767 you guys seem to have what we are looking for pretty much down. Keep it up

 

I'm still around, but with resuming work ahead of schedual it has left me with more head pains again. But sure looks like when it comes to approving, won't need to crit much at all at this rate lol speeding the whole thing up.

[skwerl56767]

Oh good, nice to know that we aren't overstepping boundaries! I was so nervous.

 

Yes, the critique is just to help you guys improve; no need to freak out! The reason for it is to prevent future rule-breaking and powerplaying that can occur when someone has too sparse of a sheet (which has happened countless times before). This is to prevent those problems from happening, which prevents future tension and keeps the roleplay healthy. We aren't demeaning either of you or your characters, or saying you aren't good enough, just that the sheets need a bit more to help them be approved.

 

To noelle in particular: Please don't take the critiques personally; everyone receives them at one point, even me. You don't have to follow them, but you do have to be aware that your chances of being accepted with lower, because things that need to be changed won't be. If you feel like this roleplay demands too many changes for your sheet you can always try putting Crystal in another roleplay, or even one of your own. But we would like for Crystal to be accepted, which is why we are critiquing her sheet the way we are.

[Wolves-and-Wings]

Oh good, nice to know that we aren't overstepping boundaries! I was so nervous.

 

Yes, the critique is just to help you guys improve; no need to freak out! The reason for it is to prevent future rule-breaking and powerplaying that can occur when someone has too sparse of a sheet (which has happened countless times before). This is to prevent those problems from happening, which prevents future tension and keeps the roleplay healthy. We aren't demeaning either of you or your characters, or saying you aren't good enough, just that the sheets need a bit more to help them be approved.

 

To noelle in particular: Please don't take the critiques personally; everyone receives them at one point, even me. You don't have to follow them, but you do have to be aware that your chances of being accepted with lower, because things that need to be changed won't be. If you feel like this roleplay demands too many changes for your sheet you can always try putting Crystal in another roleplay, or even one of your own. But we would like for Crystal to be accepted, which is why we are critiquing her sheet the way we are.

yeah Sorry for flipping out earlier anyway, I just am grumpy and tend to snap because i am tired. I went on a trip recently and i was TIRED when i got home. I'm still recovering so by tomorrow I should be fine. Thanks for (Trying to) help on my dragon.( when i said trying, I meant trying to help although i wasn't being very nice.) Still very sorry for flipping the flip out!

[DuskOfTheStars]

yeah Sorry for flipping out earlier anyway, I just am grumpy and tend to snap because i am tired. I went on a trip recently and i was TIRED when i got home. I'm still recovering so by tomorrow I should be fine. Thanks for (Trying to) help on my dragon.( when i said trying, I meant trying to help although i wasn't being very nice.) Still very sorry for flipping the flip out!

Thank you for apologizing. That made me feel a lot better.

Edited September 6, 2016 by Dusky_Flareon

[Wolves-and-Wings]

Thank you for apologizing. That made me feel a lot better.

Yeah i didn't want you to walk away from this feeling bad. when i make people feel bad and they leave, It just makes me feel worse than ever because i know it will be hard to apoligize. I still feel kinda bad.

 

By the way, Do you want me to re-write that form or Should i just wait? I will back off from the role-play if you don't want me to stay in the RP...

[DuskOfTheStars]

Yeah i didn't want you to walk away from this feeling bad. when i make people feel bad and they leave, It just makes me feel worse than ever because i know it will be hard to apoligize. I still feel kinda bad.

 

By the way, Do you want me to re-write that form or Should i just wait? I will back off from the role-play if you don't want me to stay in the RP...

While I'm not the boss of this RP, I'll join LLD in saying that crits are given to help people improve their forms, because we want to see new people join.

[Wolves-and-Wings]

While I'm not the boss of this RP, I'll join LLD in saying that crits are given to help people improve their forms, because we want to see new people join.

Ok. I'm still kinda confused on if they accepted my bio or not. I can understand if they didn't but whats the status of my stuff here right now. I'm pretty sure its not accepted for various reasons, but i'm not entirely sure...

[BlaBlaDragon34]

The official approvers are Booo and littlelostdragon (LLD) as far as I know, and because of real life it might take a while for either one of them to respond. It also seems like I took too long to write this out. Darn chores. Since SaphireKat and Dusky have you covered noelle147, I'll limit my critique there.

 

Happykawaiicat: Those are definitely looking much better! Only things I can see is that the Personality/History sections are still a bit lacking; don't be afraid to go all-out on them! LLD is also particular about the specifics on powers, so be sure to give those a once-over and ask as many questions to yourself as you can, so you can cover all of the pros and cons of the abilities.

Riokua also seems to have lost a reason for why he has no wings; I know I said that his old past (which had the reason) was a bit illogical and Anti-Sue, but you could still put in a less Sueish reason for why he has no wings; maybe they just never grew in, or he lost them in a fight with another dragon? Some ideas so you don't fall back onto the "severed by rocks" scenario.

 

I see what you're saying here (that's the point of the powers in the roleplay, anyway ), but I think Booo was questioning why the electrical abilities of the dragons were never mentioned, even though they're Electrics. Since they're not mentioned one could presume that they have both their abilities and the electrical powers normal for their species, which I think would count as two powers, which is no good. In this case I would suggest mentioning the electricity and how it is nerfed, because of the existence of the new powers. Maybe they can't generate it at all, or it's limited to specific tasks? I'm also still confused about how Kiouas' ability is a power and not talent; there needs to be something more to it.

 

noelle147: I only have one suggestion for you right now, for fleshing out your Extra and Personality sections, and even her History if you distribute the information right. You say she was fending for herself out in the wilderness, but something that drastic can heavily affect one's behavior, which is something you can utilize in order to make Crystal a more believable character. Maybe she's wary of strangers, is high-strung, or is stingy about sharing food? There is a lot of opportunity there! Also yes, you need to elaborate on Crystal's power more, especially its flaws; LLD is particular about this, so it's a good idea to make sure it's as fleshed out as possible!

 

BlaBlaDragon34: Yeah, you want to write out your entire character, regardless if the dragons in the roleplay know him or not. The character sheet is so we know who your character is and have an idea of how he looks, responds, and acts, other than representing what is or is not known about him in the beginning. So you want to fill out the whole thing.

I'm guessing this is your character sheet right now?:

 

My first suggestion is to change Auris's Appearance to what he will look like after he hatches (so as a hatchling), though since you're starting out as an egg there isn't much you can do about your Age/Stage section. For History, maybe say how he ended up where he is, or talk about his family a bit? The running scenario right now is that every hatchling has had something bad happen to it or its family because of the main antagonist (Evil Crusher), so you can use that as a base idea.

Another thing I found is that you say Auris will be found on the beach, but the Hatchlings are going to the desert right now (which delays introducing your character) and Yellow-Crowns are typically found in the Desert (correct me if I'm wrong, I haven't been egg-hunting lately). As an idea, maybe change his starting location to an oasis in the desert? There's still water and sand, but it isn't too far away where the Hatchlings won't go for a while, allowing him to be introduced faster.

Yes, I forgot to get the appearance

He's blue, entirely, and I'll take the oasis in the desert suggestion as well. Except his horns and head are yellow.