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sharlykng

Hatchlings OoC Thread

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The official approvers are Booo and littlelostdragon (LLD) as far as I know, and because of real life it might take a while for either one of them to respond. It also seems like I took too long to write this out. xd.png Darn chores. Since SaphireKat and Dusky have you covered noelle147, I'll limit my critique there.

 

Happykawaiicat: Those are definitely looking much better! Only things I can see is that the Personality/History sections are still a bit lacking; don't be afraid to go all-out on them! LLD is also particular about the specifics on powers, so be sure to give those a once-over and ask as many questions to yourself as you can, so you can cover all of the pros and cons of the abilities.

Riokua also seems to have lost a reason for why he has no wings; I know I said that his old past (which had the reason) was a bit illogical and Anti-Sue, but you could still put in a less Sueish reason for why he has no wings; maybe they just never grew in, or he lost them in a fight with another dragon? Some ideas so you don't fall back onto the "severed by rocks" scenario.

 

I see what you're saying here (that's the point of the powers in the roleplay, anyway xd.png), but I think Booo was questioning why the electrical abilities of the dragons were never mentioned, even though they're Electrics. Since they're not mentioned one could presume that they have both their abilities and the electrical powers normal for their species, which I think would count as two powers, which is no good. In this case I would suggest mentioning the electricity and how it is nerfed, because of the existence of the new powers. Maybe they can't generate it at all, or it's limited to specific tasks? I'm also still confused about how Kiouas' ability is a power and not talent; there needs to be something more to it.

 

noelle147: I only have one suggestion for you right now, for fleshing out your Extra and Personality sections, and even her History if you distribute the information right. You say she was fending for herself out in the wilderness, but something that drastic can heavily affect one's behavior, which is something you can utilize in order to make Crystal a more believable character. Maybe she's wary of strangers, is high-strung, or is stingy about sharing food? There is a lot of opportunity there! Also yes, you need to elaborate on Crystal's power more, especially its flaws; LLD is particular about this, so it's a good idea to make sure it's as fleshed out as possible!

 

BlaBlaDragon34: Yeah, you want to write out your entire character, regardless if the dragons in the roleplay know him or not. The character sheet is so we know who your character is and have an idea of how he looks, responds, and acts, other than representing what is or is not known about him in the beginning. So you want to fill out the whole thing.

I'm guessing this is your character sheet right now?:

 

My first suggestion is to change Auris's Appearance to what he will look like after he hatches (so as a hatchling), though since you're starting out as an egg there isn't much you can do about your Age/Stage section. For History, maybe say how he ended up where he is, or talk about his family a bit? The running scenario right now is that every hatchling has had something bad happen to it or its family because of the main antagonist (Evil Crusher), so you can use that as a base idea.

Another thing I found is that you say Auris will be found on the beach, but the Hatchlings are going to the desert right now (which delays introducing your character) and Yellow-Crowns are typically found in the Desert (correct me if I'm wrong, I haven't been egg-hunting lately). As an idea, maybe change his starting location to an oasis in the desert? There's still water and sand, but it isn't too far away where the Hatchlings won't go for a while, allowing him to be introduced faster.

Yes, I forgot to get the appearance xd.png

He's blue, entirely, and I'll take the oasis in the desert suggestion as well. Except his horns and head are yellow.

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Ok. I'm still kinda confused on if they accepted my bio or not. I can understand if they didn't but whats the status of my stuff here right now. I'm pretty sure its not accepted for various reasons, but i'm not entirely sure...

He would've told you directly if your character was accepted. Like Saphire said, we'd like if you could explain her power in a little more detail. Ex: How often she can use her power and if she's noticeably weakened after using it.

 

I have a couple of questions that I don't think we're asked yet. What do you mean by "many just have their purple crystals inside"? Are you saying that the crystals on her wings are purple while the crystals elsewhere on her body are pink? Or does she only have crystals on her wings like a typical Goede dragon?

Also, you say that she saw a bunch of dead eggs when she hatched and told some other dragons her story, but if she had just hatched then I wouldn't imagine she'd have much of a story to tell, let alone know what had happened to the eggs. So maybe you could add more to her history as well to fill in the gaps.

 

4. Bigger crystals? How much bigger? Purple-pink crystals? That seems like too big a colour change, as Geodes actually have blue crystals. Exactly where on her body did they form? Head? Legs? Chest?

Hatchlings doesn't follow the world of DC exactly so I don't see an issue with a Goede dragon having purple crystals. Artemis is a jade Shimmer-scale after all.

 

Speaking of Artemis, did anyone else notice that her resemblance to the new Almerald dragons is almost uncanny?

 

user posted image

 

I'm pretty sure Sharlykng intended for her to be a slightly lighter shade of green, but still...

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o: I didn't know Artemis was green, but now that you mention it she does look like an Almerald! Artemis the Almerald... That has a nice ring to it.

Also I will be writing my post shortly, I just had to do some actual writing for a book first...

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Idk what else to write. LeBoringJacques told me she's on vacation and that she won't be back until next week. No idea where Captain_Gonzou went.

 

I'm obviously not going to change Artemis's breed right out of the blue, but I think I might have her be an Almerald descendant. Sharlykng didn't write anything for her history and she's never talked about her past as far as I know, so it could be the reason why she looks the way she does.

Edited by Booo

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Hey, would it be possible to tweak Vulkoor's form a little bit? I feel like I left out a few things that would affect his character later on. It would only be to his personality and/or history. And that he maybe a little  to his appearence (I want him to have green eyes biggrin.gif )

Sure. smile.gif I'll add the changes to the OP once you're happy with it.

 

Right now I'm waiting for Skwerl or Dusky_Flareon to post so I don't get too far ahead without them.

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Username: SaphireKat

Name: Vulkoorvulon

Gender: Male

Type/Breed: Brute

Power: Through some accident, Vulkoorvulon found out he could freeze time, but only for a few seconds. The power is only triggered when he is in danger or is feeling fearful. Other dragons are always confused about how he can dodge their attacks so well..... However, if the power is triggered or used two much, Vulkoorvulon can become disorientatedand groggy. He also "forgets" how to think and becomes irrational. If it becomes too much for him, he can pass out, sometimes for days on end.

Personality: Vulkoorvulon is quite energetic and is into making "suprise attacks" on other dragons. He's also kind of smug and flaunts around his muscular frame, always reminding other dragons how he's bigger than them. Even though he's rough around the edges, he's still very caring and he's protective over younger dragons. And he will always put up a fight, no matter how big his opponent. Despite all of that, however, he can have moments that are extrememly out of character for a brute such as moments of timidity and shyness. This is all due to the way he was raised.

Appearance: From his energetic demeanor, his horns are chipped from running into to many things, and there are teeth marks in his horns where his mother dragon would grab him when he misbehaved or when he was beating up on smaller hatchlings. He also has green eyes instead of the classic burgundy of a brute.

Age/Stage: Mature Hatchling

History: Vulkoorvulon was hatched into a flock of mixed dragons. Many of the dragons didn't want to raise Vulkoorvulon for fear that his size and nature would lead him to hurt the other hatchlings. This left the female dragons without hatchlings to care for him, which left him with Bleeding moon or another Brute as his mother. The Brute, whose name was Fearslash, quickly adopted the new hatchling with pride, for it was the perfect thing to fill the gap from her lost son. Fearslash felt something special about the hatchling, and decided to give him a name in ancient dragon language.

Throughout the years after his hatching, he still had the rough personality of a brute, but grew out of it in a sense because of the fact he was raised differently. He was raised to be more gentle around other hatchlings and was often met with hostility when he was too rough. There were also other dragons that had scared him often in the flock.

An attack on the flock by an enemy group of dragons caused all the dragons to split, causing the fall of the flock. These enemy dragons were other Brutes, which captured Vulkoorvulon and Fearslash. Vulkoorvulon managed to writhe out of the grasp of the dragon that was carrying him, but Fearslash wasn't so lucky, and she got dragged away in the night by the other Brutes.

From there, Vulkoorvulon became lost in the forest.

Extra: Vulkoorvulon means Dark summer night in Dovahzul. May be called Vulkoor or just Vulon for short. Also, Vulkoorvulon's story is based off of my scroll and the dragons I have there smile.gifNo worries about powerplay

 

Revisions in bold. IDK if they make any sense but there are revisions to add to his character.

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OP updates:

  • New characters added. Welcome SaphireKat, Narvix, and Dusky_Flareon!
  • Also added Quinn since I've been RPing her more lately, but she's still a background character for the most part.
  • Grammar corrections because I'm finicky that way.

I just spent like an hour redoing Quinn's history and it's way past my bed time. Wtf am I doing with my life? sleep.gif

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Well their fishing, aren't they? Let's have them hurry up with that so they can finally fly off to the desert. And Irah just revealed herself so maybe he has something to say about her.

 

I forgot to mention earlier that Captain_Gunzou messaged me saying he's having trouble with his computer. No idea what's up with Skwerl...

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EP's waiting to see if Crusher has any questions. You could probably use that...

Edited by Dusky_Flareon

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Oh, I didn't realize that Dusky had posted already! (I'm pretty clueless at times.) I was waiting for someone else to post, since when I'm interacting with more then one person I try to let as many people post as possible before I write something up. I'll think of something really quick.

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At this point I think Cetn will have to do most of the fishing. tongue.gif Edited by Booo

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The official approvers are Booo and littlelostdragon (LLD) as far as I know, and because of real life it might take a while for either one of them to respond. It also seems like I took too long to write this out. xd.png Darn chores. Since SaphireKat and Dusky have you covered noelle147, I'll limit my critique there.

 

Happykawaiicat: Those are definitely looking much better! Only things I can see is that the Personality/History sections are still a bit lacking; don't be afraid to go all-out on them! LLD is also particular about the specifics on powers, so be sure to give those a once-over and ask as many questions to yourself as you can, so you can cover all of the pros and cons of the abilities.

Riokua also seems to have lost a reason for why he has no wings; I know I said that his old past (which had the reason) was a bit illogical and Anti-Sue, but you could still put in a less Sueish reason for why he has no wings; maybe they just never grew in, or he lost them in a fight with another dragon? Some ideas so you don't fall back onto the "severed by rocks" scenario.

 

I see what you're saying here (that's the point of the powers in the roleplay, anyway xd.png), but I think Booo was questioning why the electrical abilities of the dragons were never mentioned, even though they're Electrics. Since they're not mentioned one could presume that they have both their abilities and the electrical powers normal for their species, which I think would count as two powers, which is no good. In this case I would suggest mentioning the electricity and how it is nerfed, because of the existence of the new powers. Maybe they can't generate it at all, or it's limited to specific tasks? I'm also still confused about how Kiouas' ability is a power and not talent; there needs to be something more to it.

 

noelle147: I only have one suggestion for you right now, for fleshing out your Extra and Personality sections, and even her History if you distribute the information right. You say she was fending for herself out in the wilderness, but something that drastic can heavily affect one's behavior, which is something you can utilize in order to make Crystal a more believable character. Maybe she's wary of strangers, is high-strung, or is stingy about sharing food? There is a lot of opportunity there! Also yes, you need to elaborate on Crystal's power more, especially its flaws; LLD is particular about this, so it's a good idea to make sure it's as fleshed out as possible!

 

BlaBlaDragon34: Yeah, you want to write out your entire character, regardless if the dragons in the roleplay know him or not. The character sheet is so we know who your character is and have an idea of how he looks, responds, and acts, other than representing what is or is not known about him in the beginning. So you want to fill out the whole thing.

I'm guessing this is your character sheet right now?:

 

My first suggestion is to change Auris's Appearance to what he will look like after he hatches (so as a hatchling), though since you're starting out as an egg there isn't much you can do about your Age/Stage section. For History, maybe say how he ended up where he is, or talk about his family a bit? The running scenario right now is that every hatchling has had something bad happen to it or its family because of the main antagonist (Evil Crusher), so you can use that as a base idea.

Another thing I found is that you say Auris will be found on the beach, but the Hatchlings are going to the desert right now (which delays introducing your character) and Yellow-Crowns are typically found in the Desert (correct me if I'm wrong, I haven't been egg-hunting lately). As an idea, maybe change his starting location to an oasis in the desert? There's still water and sand, but it isn't too far away where the Hatchlings won't go for a while, allowing him to be introduced faster.

Hm, I think I'll do that here. Thanks for the suggestions!

P.S. Sorry about the miss-match parts of my form everywhere, if you see my comments, just put them together on a notepad. It'll probably make sense. xd.png

P.P.S Also, excuse my confusion here. I'm new to the forum, though my account is older, and I'm simply confused for what I must do. Though I'm not new to roleplaying.

 

Auris's Appearance: He's a very dark blue with bright gold where normal Yellow Crowned dragons have their yellow. The gold parts of him glow with a golden aura. This is how he got his name, base word aura.

Auris's Egg's Appearance: Dark blue on the bottom, a gold stripe in the middle, and sandy colored on top.

Auris's History: He was an egg of a female nomad Yellow Crowned who was with a pack of nomad dragons, travelling across the desert, when he was dropped near an oasis. He landed sandy-colored side up, and his mother could not find him. She had to move on, or the pack would leave without her. Later on, the pack was attacked by Evil Crusher, and most of the dragons were killed, including his mother.

Where You Find Him: Someone gets to trip over him when they run into the oasis! Since he's half buried in the sand, sandy colored side up, you guys don't see him till you trip over him. It dislodges him a bit and you see the gold and dark blue.

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That's ok, we'll figure something out. Thanks for letting us know. smile.gif

 

Hm, I think I'll do that here. Thanks for the suggestions!

P.S. Sorry about the miss-match parts of my form everywhere, if you see my comments, just put them together on a notepad. It'll probably make sense. xd.png

P.P.S Also, excuse my confusion here. I'm new to the forum, though my account is older, and I'm simply confused for what I must do. Though I'm not new to roleplaying.

 

Auris's Appearance: He's a very dark blue with bright gold where normal Yellow Crowned dragons have their yellow. The gold parts of him glow with a golden aura. This is how he got his name, base word aura.

Auris's Egg's Appearance: Dark blue on the bottom, a gold stripe in the middle, and sandy colored on top.

Auris's History: He was an egg of a female nomad Yellow Crowned who was with a pack of nomad dragons, travelling across the desert, when he was dropped near an oasis. He landed sandy-colored side up, and his mother could not find him. She had to move on, or the pack would leave without her. Later on, the pack was attacked by Evil Crusher, and most of the dragons were killed, including his mother.

Where You Find Him: Someone gets to trip over him when they run into the oasis! Since he's half buried in the sand, sandy colored side up, you guys don't see him till you trip over him. It dislodges him a bit and you see the gold and dark blue.

So this is what it looks like then?

 

Username: BlaBlaDragon34

Name: Auris

Gender: Male

Type/Breed: Yellow Crowned

Power: He has a faint gold aura that constantly glows around his tail, horns, paws, and wing-tips. Somehow, he can harness this aura and draw it up to his horns to shoot out a beam of light. However, it consumes a lot of energy and strength. The aura grows fainter and he usually falls asleep after using it. Until he is mature, this beam can only blind people.

Personality: He's fast and timid at hatchling. Once his wings grow in, however, he becomes semi-competitive, playful, and generally weird in whatever is going on under those blue-and-gold scales of his.

Appearance: His egg dark blue on the bottom, a gold stripe in the middle, and sandy colored on top. He's a very dark blue with bright gold where normal Yellow Crowned dragons have their yellow. The gold parts of him glow with a golden aura. This is how he got his name, base word aura.

Age/Stage: Newborn

History: He was an egg of a female nomad Yellow Crowned who was with a pack of nomad dragons, travelling across the desert, when he was dropped near an oasis. He landed sandy-colored side up, and his mother could not find him. She had to move on, or the pack would leave without her. Later on, the pack was attacked by Evil Crusher, and most of the dragons were killed, including his mother.

Extra: N/A

 

Just a reminder that we'd like you to post at least once every 3 days once your character gets approved and to let us know if you're going to be gone for longer.

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Sorry about my lack of response. I've been sick for a week now and super busy. Just haven't had much time to think of a reply. I'll make a post tomorrow night and get my duo with the other dragons at the river.

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I guess that makes 3 of us absent. xd.png I've been kinda busy, but I'll post something tomorrow.

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Time's up for TheBoringJaques so I guess I'm RPing Ranu again unless someone else wants her.

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Ahhh sorry it took so long :'D Venia and Roluth have made their entrance at the river with the fishing group.

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Peace has probably seen a few nightmare vampires, and nightmares have a way of being unwelcome memories sometimes. Hence the reaction. After all, it'd be pretty nightmarish if this dragon killed your children/family/friends. Or transformed your egg into... something else.

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Nothing new is happening to Cetn right now, though I plan on him catching some fish by my next post (sorry that part is taking forever, but it seemed unrealistic for him to charge his power up quickly...); I don't know what else to do with him at the moment aside from using more small talk.

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Maybe he could react to the Pygmy and Colossus hatchlings appearing. Or what about Crusher saying that the Vampire wants to "pit others against him"?

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Any reaction to Peace being a bit on edge when she heard that, out of curiosity? I can see Crusher shrugging that one off, but I think someone with less Vamp experience might respond.

Edited by Dusky_Flareon

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