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The Unofficial Advice Thread

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Welcome to the advice thread! This thread is for advice of all kinds, whether you need help with a family matter, how to handle a pet, how to make a new friend, or whatever. If you are posting in this thread, you are asking for opinions on how to handle something/what to do next/etc. If you have a more general question (such as a technical question), please direct it towards the Q&A thread. If you are looking for a shoulder to lean on or just somebody to listen to what you've been going through, please feel free to check out the support thread.

 

In this thread, you may receive a variety of different kinds of advice from people with all different kinds of backgrounds. This advice may encourage and help you to find your own answer. It may be given gently. It might be what you expect. It might not be. It may be open and honest. It could be something you don't want to hear. It may be eye-opening. It may just confirm what you already know.

 

When giving advice to others, please take a moment to think about their post. What kind of tone does it have? What kind of language did they use? Do they seem distressed or are they just curious? Please give your advice with this in mind.

 

If you are receiving advice and someone has been disrespectful towards you, please report the post. There is a report button in the upper right of every post near the quote button. Even if the post follows board rules, a report notifies mods that we should check in on the thread; if necessary, we can post and help to diffuse the situation or perhaps just add a different voice to the discussion.

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Thank you, Sock.

 

Reposting this since last time it got buried (it's the end-of-page-and-you'll-miss-it curse...)

 

This isn't really emotional support, so I'll post this here.

 

I've been struggling with a streak of... apathy? ever since summer started. I was done with my first year of university about a month ago, and despite the ongoing demands to prep my portfolio, look for a job, lose weight, and get the house ready for selling, I just feel like I don't care. I don't care about my education anymore, like it's someone else's problem. I've been getting into self-destructive avoidance habits like shutting myself off and mindlessly browsing the internet or binge-watching Netflix even though there are much more urgent things to do. More often than not, a list of things I accomplished within a day can be counted on half a hand.

 

It's gotten worse lately since several things in my mandatory e-course are a few weeks overdue. I just can't seem to focus on it for more than five minutes at a time. Any advice for my procrastination -- if it can even be called procrastination? I'm not feeling the last-minute rush.

Edited by TehUltimateMage

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Have you ever been evaluated for depression? Having suffered from it for a long time, one of the worst problems I have (outside of the overall feeling sad and useless) has been a lack of ambition and just an overall 'I don't give a censorkip.gif' mentality, and not being able to focus is another.

 

It may not be, but it's something to look into.

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Apathy can be a symptom of burn-out; generally this state resolves itself after enough rest but life's not always on that convenient a schedule. I'm no psychologist but given your choice of time burners- Netflix and such- I'd be willing to bet that at least has its part in it.

 

What sorts of things can motivate you to accomplish something? Sometimes using music can help a person focus. Another option is setting something fun/relaxing to do after you finish at least a portion of what you need to do, so you know there's relief ahead and it's not just going to be forcing yourself to slog through what might feel like an endless pile of work. Just cycle through that on a daily basis and gradually up it to a bi-daily and so on until you're back in the swing of it.

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well i need trade advice if that's OK

 

you see i have a CB jungle copper and someone just offered a black egg 2nd gen from a alt sweet ling

should i accept that offer?

is that a desireable dragon that could reward me if i breed it properly? (i don have a CB sweetling)

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well i need trade advice if that's OK

 

you see i have a CB jungle copper and someone just offered a black egg 2nd gen from a alt sweet ling

should i accept that offer?

is that a desireable dragon that could reward me if i breed it properly? (i don have a CB sweetling)

Theres a thread for that in the site discussion <3 Its called "Questions about a trade?" Its a great place to get opinions on rarity and questions about what could go for what.

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Thank you, Sock.

 

Reposting this since last time it got buried (it's the end-of-page-and-you'll-miss-it curse...)

 

It is kinda hard to get motivated when you don't feel like it. But it is one of the responsibilities that comes with growing up. One thing that I have found for myself is scheduling.

 

If given the chance, I would much rather spend my off days watching TV, searching the internet and neglecting the rest. So I set timetables for myself. For an example, the time is noon. From 12-1 is my relaxation time, if I want to watch some tv or play on the internet my time is set from 12-1. At 1pm, I will start a load of laundry and vacuum the carpets. My next chore will be doing the dishes. It will start at 2pm ( cause it does not take me an hour to vacuum all the carpets ), I get in a few extra minutes of me time.

 

To me, it sounds like you are a bit overwhelmed and it is causing you to shut down. You have a lot of big things on your plate and it is impossible to prioritize which is more important. You have to get ready to sell the house, you need to work on a portfolio. You got school to think about. It is a lot to process. I say think about what I do to help get you organized.

 

At 3pm I will go start working on the dining room. Things needs to be put up, boxed up, moved, cleaned and tossed. I will do this from 3 to 5. Set up a radio with your favorite station and have at it. Just having a little place to start will give a sense of accomplishment.

 

The same can be applied to some of your situation as well. Weight. I do a five/two. On my work days, I am true to my eating well. I drink my water, avoid the sugars and unnecessary carbs. I watch what I eat. On my days off, no. If I decide I want a cinnamon roll with my coffee, I will have a cinnamon roll with my coffee, without regret. Never tell yourself no, that you just cannot have X. If you do, it will set you up for a failure and binge eating. If you tell yourself not now, you can have a slice of chocolate cake in two days on your set up free day. You can then wait till your free-for-all day and it won't be stuck in the forefront of your mind. It makes it far easier to pass up things that will destroy your diet.

 

 

 

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I need some help trying to get some sort of job. Mom recommended writing a novel. I'd rather not retype everything, so:

 

http://lopsidelibby.deviantart.com/journal...RGENT-537330519

 

http://lopsidelibby.deviantart.com/journal...-once-543850115

Honestly the only way to earn decent money is to have deal with some people. Freelancing, in some way. You can try and use your writing skills to come together with a group of people and maybe help them create an animation or a web comic. Sometimes people will donate or sell merchandise to earn some money for the creators or to upkeep the site. The only other way would be to finish whatever story you are working on as a novel and try to see if its worth publishing.

 

No matter what though some human involvement will be necessary.Machines don't pay you, people do and the best way to earn some money is to work with someone to create something that people like and something that people would be willing to buy. You will need to interact with your market and know what appeals to them or what changes you can make.

 

Its not easy but trying to stay calm and taking things one step at a time. If your anxiety is bad maybe considering trying to find some place for therapy and finding out if there are exercises you can do to help you lessen your social anxiety or if there is some form of medication that can help you.

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Thank you, Sock.

 

Reposting this since last time it got buried (it's the end-of-page-and-you'll-miss-it curse...)

 

This isn't really emotional support, so I'll post this here.

 

I've been struggling with a streak of... apathy? ever since summer started. I was done with my first year of university about a month ago, and despite the ongoing demands to prep my portfolio, look for a job, lose weight, and get the house ready for selling, I just feel like I don't care. I don't care about my education anymore, like it's someone else's problem. I've been getting into self-destructive avoidance habits like shutting myself off and mindlessly browsing the internet or binge-watching Netflix even though there are much more urgent things to do. More often than not, a list of things I accomplished within a day can be counted on half a hand.

 

It's gotten worse lately since several things in my mandatory e-course are a few weeks overdue. I just can't seem to focus on it for more than five minutes at a time. Any advice for my procrastination -- if it can even be called procrastination? I'm not feeling the last-minute rush.

A). Try getting multiple things you need to do, sometimes it's easier to finish things if, instead of focusing on one, you switch between a couple of different tasks.

 

B). Is there any chance of having one day where you spend the whole time just resting? After a rest, maybe you'll be more in the mood for doing other things.

 

C). What kind of things do you enjoy doing? If this was me, I'd recommend reading a favourite book, or watch a movie a like.

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Any methods on how to force yourself to write a research paper after draining your writing skills and have nothing to write?

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Write dot points of what you need to have in the paper. Put them in a logical order, then expand them into proper sentence form. After that add all the information you have to each of the paragraphs, in whatever order you come up with them.

Try finding music that helps you write, and food that you can nibble on while you work. Anything else that helps you write.

Try to keep distractions to a minimum, if at all possible.

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Write dot points of what you need to have in the paper. Put them in a logical order, then expand them into proper sentence form. After that add all the information you have to each of the paragraphs, in whatever order you come up with them.

Try finding music that helps you write, and food that you can nibble on while you work. Anything else that helps you write.

Try to keep distractions to a minimum, if at all possible.

sad.gif All tried that. It helped me reach so far. I still need to prolong it. *finds some ways of having paragraph fillers*

 

smile.gif Thanks for your help!

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One thing I've learned about research papers, that it's almost always expected for you to pad it with bull**** to make it far longer than it needs to be. It's part of the reason why I hate them so much - I'm very a much a 'get to the point and forego all the useless crap' kinda person.

 

What I'd do, is if you've already hit the information you need to, see about adding in an extra sentence or three about each point. Whether it be an inane explanation of something that should be obvious to anyone who's reading the paper, or simply something tangentially-related to the fact being discussed (fun facts!), that has the potential to double your word count depending on how much you can squeeze in there.

Edited by Omega Entity

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One thing I've learned about research papers, that it's almost always expected for you to pad it with bull**** to make it far longer than it needs to be. It's part of the reason why I hate them so much - I'm very a much a 'get to the point and forego all the useless crap' kinda person.

 

What I'd do, is if you've already hit the information you need to, see about adding in an extra sentence or three about each point. Whether it be an inane explanation of something that should be obvious to anyone who's reading the paper, or simply something tangentially-related to the fact being discussed (fun facts!), that has the potential to double your word count depending on how much you can squeeze in there.

Right, but you can't fluff them TOO much either. IF you do, they will notice the lack of content as well. Just my thoughts.

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Ah, thank you everyone! I've been procrastinating on reading the responses, too. But while I still have trouble focusing on my summer schoolwork, a schedule and a few weeks in summer camp have cleared the stress a little. I still have a bit of trouble adhering to timelines, though, so I've scheduled a day or two where one of my tell-it-how-it-is friends will come to visit to remind me to get back to work when I slack off. wink.gif I feel that I work best when other people's expectations are present and immediate, rather than far-off and in email form. Though, maybe getting someone prompting me over skype might work?

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I've been looking for something like this for quite some time, hoping to obtain casual life advice.

 

For the past year or so, my mind has been split on two different sides of the career spectrum. Currently, my parents promote me going into the field of Biomedical Engineering, a field of study which I actually find interesting and can suit me pretty well in terms of how I work and study. In addition, I have always been invested in science and medicine, getting great standardized test scores, and maintaining a fair 3.7 GPA. On the other hand, however, I have always looked up to a military career; the idea of being able to see more of the world and live a different style of life appeals to me. Overall, I have maintained a good physique through a regimental workout routine since I stopped playing varsity sports for my school to focus on educational endeavors, so I am not at all afraid of the physically-demanding lifestyle. More, I am simply afraid that my parents will be disappointed in my preferences. I understand the existence of ROTC and that medical training can help with certain college courses, but I'm unsure of how this choice can affect the way that the rest of my life can plan out.

 

I would greatly appreciate advice from someone with experience on these sort of subjects, but I will still appreciate advice in general. Thanks in advance!

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I've been looking for something like this for quite some time, hoping to obtain casual life advice.

 

For the past year or so, my mind has been split on two different sides of the career spectrum. Currently, my parents promote me going into the field of Biomedical Engineering, a field of study which I actually find interesting and can suit me pretty well in terms of how I work and study. In addition, I have always been invested in science and medicine, getting great standardized test scores, and maintaining a fair 3.7 GPA. On the other hand, however, I have always looked up to a military career; the idea of being able to see more of the world and live a different style of life appeals to me. Overall, I have maintained a good physique through a regimental workout routine since I stopped playing varsity sports for my school to focus on educational endeavors, so I am not at all afraid of the physically-demanding lifestyle. More, I am simply afraid that my parents will be disappointed in my preferences. I understand the existence of ROTC and that medical training can help with certain college courses, but I'm unsure of how this choice can affect the way that the rest of my life can plan out.

 

I would greatly appreciate advice from someone with experience on these sort of subjects, but I will still appreciate advice in general. Thanks in advance!

My parents are both army reserve.

 

My dad went as soon as he was 17 to get away from his family. My mom started college first, realized she didn't know what she wanted to do, and so joined the army. My dad spent time in Germany and my mom in Korea. My dad is and always has been a computer scientist, so that's the avenue he took through the military. My mom pretty much picked randomly something that seemed interesting, which was decoding messages. They both later ended up at a college (which is where they met). My dad continued on with computer science and ended up with a Masters in it. My mom did a business/teaching degree.

 

My mom had some odd jobs here and there - random government jobs and the like - before she ended up teaching. My dad went into computer scientist - AFAIK, he's always worked on computer security/virus testing. When they had me (and then later my sister) my mom took time off to be a stay-at-home mother. When my sister hit mid-elementary school, my mom started subbing. When my sister hit middle school and I was in high school, IIRC, my mom started full-time teaching again.

 

My mom is a little less than a decade away from retirement. The problem with retiring on a teacher's salary is that there isn't a whole lot of money to do fun things and take vacations. However, since my mom has her army pension backing her up, she'll still be able to do some of the things she's been waiting and wanting to do.

 

My mom's talked about her army career with me a little. She really enjoyed what she did in Korea - plus the travel was a good experience. IIRC, it also helped her pay for her college. AFAIK, she doesn't have any regrets (but since she was the only driver there who knew stick shift, she got to skip out on getting gassed, lol).

 

My dad hasn't talked about his time as much, nor have I asked. I know he enjoyed Germany - he still knows some German and he talks sometimes about what he enjoyed in Germany.

He did get called to Maryland for duty once - for the Afghanistan war IIRC - for about a year, in which we only got to visit him like once.

 

Depending on the route you take - and I think that's something to discuss with a recruiting office - you can always go to college later if you join the military. And vice versa (within a certain age limit, anyway - 34 I think?).

 

Things I would think about:

-If you join the military, you're pretty much in for life. You willing to make that commitment?

-If you go to college first, how much of that 'training' do you think you'll remember for later or will you have to re-learn a lot?

-Are you morally okay with everything the military does?

-Which branch of the military would you join - do some research on their requirements and opportunities.

-Are there other options you haven't thought about? PeaceCorp, for example, also gives you the opportunity to travel. As well, if you go to grad school - you can apply internationally. Actually, undergrads have awesome study abroad opportunities, as well - you need only talk to your college about it. Some jobs, as well, afford you lots of travel (it's why I got into geology, and I met some interesting people on a bus ride once that talked about all the travel they do for their jobs).

 

It may be worth it to talk to a military recruiting office AND go on a campus tour or two. See the feel/attitude of both. Where do you want to be?

 

In the end, it's your life. Not your parents. You've gotta make your decisions for you.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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I've been looking for something like this for quite some time, hoping to obtain casual life advice.

 

For the past year or so, my mind has been split on two different sides of the career spectrum. Currently, my parents promote me going into the field of Biomedical Engineering, a field of study which I actually find interesting and can suit me pretty well in terms of how I work and study. In addition, I have always been invested in science and medicine, getting great standardized test scores, and maintaining a fair 3.7 GPA. On the other hand, however, I have always looked up to a military career; the idea of being able to see more of the world and live a different style of life appeals to me. Overall, I have maintained a good physique through a regimental workout routine since I stopped playing varsity sports for my school to focus on educational endeavors, so I am not at all afraid of the physically-demanding lifestyle. More, I am simply afraid that my parents will be disappointed in my preferences. I understand the existence of ROTC and that medical training can help with certain college courses, but I'm unsure of how this choice can affect the way that the rest of my life can plan out.

 

I would greatly appreciate advice from someone with experience on these sort of subjects, but I will still appreciate advice in general. Thanks in advance!

To add to Sock's advice, have a think, is there any way to combine the aspects you like of a military career with the aspects you like in Biochemical Engineering? Or is there some way of doing both jobs? (I don't know much about biochemistry, so I can't give much advice on that).

 

Also, if this is possible for you, I'd suggest reading Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher, because it contains a lot of useful tips on how you can combine two seemingly un-combinable jobs.

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First off do you think I'm sick enough?

 

I have hoshimotos thyrioditis, my pelvis is twisted so that one leg is 1-3 cm shorter than the other despite the bones being the same length and I have a 9/9 on the brighton scale with my Joint Hypermobility Syndrome. my spine's also twisted up in a S I don't function-at all until 30 min-a hour after I take my thyriod medicine (like I need to leave notes on the door telling me what to do assuming I'm cohertant enough to be able to read. Some days this doesn't work and my dad tells me to go take my pill) I have to wear ankle and knee braces when I walk.

 

I actually ended up getting fired the last time I tried to work as a cashier.... they complained that I was slow and unhelpful. ( I wrote up a review I can post if anyone's interested in how my possibly last attempt in the workforce went)

 

every night after my shift I needed a ice pack because I threw some joint out of where it's supposed to be or the uniform would rub my shoulder/neck bloody . and some days I was psychically unable to get out of bed because of bad popping and other problems

 

If my student teaching causes me the same kind of pain I'm going to go apply in person since I'm still a teenager (19)

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You've been fired for your disability (which I thought was illegal?). You've not been able to make it to work due to your disability. It certainly sounds like you should be qualified to receive disability. I might suggest talking to your doctor about applying to disability - they might know some better resources for you to contact about this sort of thing. D:

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I don't know anything about the application process, but I -can- tell you that employers are required by law to make allowances for differently-abled employees, and cannot legally discriminate in hiring practices so long as you're able to otherwise fulfill the requirements of the job.

 

That said, -I'd- think that you'd qualify, but I have no idea what the required criteria would be.

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First off do you think I'm sick enough?

 

I have hoshimotos thyrioditis, my pelvis is twisted so that one leg is 1-3 cm shorter than the other despite the bones being the same length and I have a 9/9 on the brighton scale with my Joint Hypermobility Syndrome. my spine's also twisted up in a S I don't function-at all until 30 min-a hour after I take my thyriod medicine (like I need to leave notes on the door telling me what to do assuming I'm cohertant enough to be able to read. Some days this doesn't work and my dad tells me to go take my pill) I have to wear ankle and knee braces when I walk.

 

I actually ended up getting fired the last time I tried to work as a cashier.... they complained that I was slow and unhelpful. ( I wrote up a review I can post if anyone's interested in how my possibly last attempt in the workforce went)

 

every night after my shift I needed a ice pack because I threw some joint out of where it's supposed to be or the uniform would rub my shoulder/neck bloody . and some days I was psychically unable to get out of bed because of bad popping and other problems

 

If my student teaching causes me the same kind of pain I'm going to go apply in person since I'm still a teenager (19)

Did your previous employer know about your issue?

 

If you feel it would be necessary with getting or maintaining a job: Sure, go ahead and apply. I'm pretty sure w/ a legal disability you will be able to get some kind of workplace accommodation wherever you may work. It's better than getting fired (looks bad on resumes and makes you look incompetent, especially if you're getting fired from fast-paced jobs such as a cashier).

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You've been fired for your disability (which I thought was illegal?). You've not been able to make it to work due to your disability. It certainly sounds like you should be qualified to receive disability. I might suggest talking to your doctor about applying to disability - they might know some better resources for you to contact about this sort of thing. D:

My doctor didn't give me a note saying that they had to limit my hours, only that to work what was manageable. 8-9 hour shifts with one 15 min lunch is not manageable when I can't phsyically stand for longer than four hours without my legs giving out and being unable to get up.

 

Techically what they did was legal in my state since I didn't have that doc's note .

 

DragonKing1337, I told them when I got interviewed .

Edited by Kiti

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