The Unofficial Advice Thread

[Kiti]

What state do you live in?

Missouri

[Omega Entity]

Alright. It looks like before you do anything, you need to see your doctor to get them to give you a written assessment of your ability to work (or lack thereof). Nothing can be done without your doctor first signing off on that. Your doctor should also know what you'll need to do from there, or point you in the direction of someone who does.

[Kiti]

Alright. It looks like before you do anything, you need to see your doctor to get them to give you a written assessment of your ability to work (or lack thereof). Nothing can be done without your doctor first signing off on that. Your doctor should also know what you'll need to do from there, or point you in the direction of someone who does.

Sounds like something I'll be doing on Wedsday then. I pulled my left shoulder and messed it up .I got a follow up appointment then,I hope I don't have to go to too many doctors though. I lost my insurence so I'm on the student health plan at uni. I've been with this new doc less than 2 months.

[Stormcaller]

@Kiti

 

While you might want to look into applying for disability benefits, you might also consider that you are so young that a life without the interaction a job provides, might be boring indeed. The thing is, you might not be able to do every job that other people can do, but there may be many things you could learn to do quite successfully. Why not check out the services of the vocational rehabilitation agency in your state and see what they can do to assist you. Here's a link to their website:

 

https://dese.mo.gov/adult-learning-rehabili...-rehabilitation

 

[michiyoLove]

i have 2 major things on my mind currently

 

first is that i have a hard time motivating myself to start doing work in my english class. i have no problem working on assignments or even getting ahead in my other classes, but i can't motivate myself to do my work that often. it's a writing class and right now we're writing an essay that i'm really not interested in working on (it's a scholarship essay where i write about my life goals and how they connect to my major and educational goals) and i already wrote something similar in one of my other classes. i have a problem in general with motivating myself to write essays and always do them last minute or extremely late, but since my teacher expects us to have multiple drafts and grades us for doing drafts i can't do that anymore.

 

secondly is that my friend has been hanging out with some people (with me) during our times between classes, and these people are really nice to us and i want to talk to them but i have a hard time doing so. i'm usually decent with talking to people once i can get a topic going, but starting one is really hard for me. it also doesn't help that people scare me a bit (especially when i first start talking to someone). i also have problems voicing my ideas/have problems saying words on occasion/have a very soft voice to where a lot of the time people won't hear that i'm talking and i'm really self conscious about all of that. from the conversations my friend has had with them, they have similar interests to us and are kinda awkward like i am but i'm still worried that i won't make a good impression and they'll like my friend over me. note: i think i may have social anxiety but i haven't gotten an official diagnosis since it's either college or therapy for me right now.

[Obscure_Trash]

first is that i have a hard time motivating myself to start doing work in my english class. i have no problem working on assignments or even getting ahead in my other classes, but i can't motivate myself to do my work that often. it's a writing class and right now we're writing an essay that i'm really not interested in working on (it's a scholarship essay where i write about my life goals and how they connect to my major and educational goals) and i already wrote something similar in one of my other classes. i have a problem in general with motivating myself to write essays and always do them last minute or extremely late, but since my teacher expects us to have multiple drafts and grades us for doing drafts i can't do that anymore.

What are you interested in? You might try out different methods to make writing essays easier on you.

 

What about writing an outline before you start? Or how about just writing a few paragraphs/sentences (depending on required length) a day so you don't have to do it all at once? Or write one in ye Olde English or something similarly odd/funny and then edit it to be serious once you're finished.

 

Or use a reward system. Limit your fun time, set yourself a schedule, and sit down and write. For every paragraph you get done, you get a reward that you find controllable. You get 10 minutes of internet or you get a handful of chips.

 

And if you've written a similar essay - take advantage of that! Work smart, not hard. You don't have to re-write the entire thing. Make necessary edits to the previous essay and use it. (Seems weird in HS, but I did this all the time in my undergrad college.)

[Stormcaller]

first is that i have a hard time motivating myself to start doing work in my english class. i have no problem working on assignments or even getting ahead in my other classes, but i can't motivate myself to do my work that often. it's a writing class and right now we're writing an essay that i'm really not interested in working on (it's a scholarship essay where i write about my life goals and how they connect to my major and educational goals) and i already wrote something similar in one of my other classes. i have a problem in general with motivating myself to write essays and always do them last minute or extremely late, but since my teacher expects us to have multiple drafts and grades us for doing drafts i can't do that anymore.

 

I can fully understand your lack of motivation in English class because after taking English every year of your school life, it can get mighty boring and tedious. However, if you plan to go to college, it will be to your advantage to be able to write essays quickly and easily. Your teacher is trying to instill in your mind the basic steps to do this and it would be a good idea to go along with it. Once you get to college you will find yourself having to write 20 page term papers and you might even have to do that for more than one class a semester. This is real work and you will want to spend your effort on researching your topic, not worrying about how to assemble it once you start writing. If you do the work now and build the skills and confidence you will need later, it will pay off for you in the long run.

[PixelShark]

secondly is that my friend has been hanging out with some people (with me) during our times between classes, and these people are really nice to us and i want to talk to them but i have a hard time doing so. i'm usually decent with talking to people once i can get a topic going, but starting one is really hard for me. it also doesn't help that people scare me a bit (especially when i first start talking to someone). i also have problems voicing my ideas/have problems saying words on occasion/have a very soft voice to where a lot of the time people won't hear that i'm talking and i'm really self conscious about all of that. from the conversations my friend has had with them, they have similar interests to us and are kinda awkward like i am but i'm still worried that i won't make a good impression and they'll like my friend over me. note: i think i may have social anxiety but i haven't gotten an official diagnosis since it's either college or therapy for me right now.

I do have SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder)/Social Phobia with a clinical depression which resulted from this. I completely understand where you're coming from. If I try to talk about negative feelings I feel to someone else, I become cowardly and start to cry. It's very strange. The best advice I can give you is to remember that, no matter what those friends think, if you slip one little thing up or say something they make fun of, they will not remember it for eternity. It's a simple thing that fades, and everyone makes mistakes. You've got a head start by knowing they have similar interests, so just talk about those things with them. It's a strange thing, perceiving the world around you, and fearing a potential friend would like someone else more than you. But just remember this: the world you perceive and feel isn't felt the same way by others around you. If you spill some water on your shirt during a conversation, it's likely people will continue to have their own conversation (unless they're speaking to you, as well)--I know because that's happened to me before. Nobody really noticed. So sometimes, it's good to be the quiet one.

Edited September 24, 2015 by PixelShark

[georgexu94]

Greetings! I am confused after reading the Revelations as to what it could mean. People say it's happening but I still do not understand the symbols- the beasts and the number "666". It is somewhat similar to the bar code that one stamps to the hand or forehead.

 

Also, for other religions such as Islam, do you have these? Would you like to share your versions?

 

Any answers are welcome and appreciated.

[sarrepta1]

Okay, so I'm not very good with people. I'm always too scared to start conversations (and keep them going), and socializing genuinely stresses me out. Because of this, I tend to ignore what's going on around me to preserve my energy, but when the focus of people's attention goes to me (such as if it's my turn to do something), I often freak out and act rashly, resulting in me committing very stupid and embarrassing mistakes almost every day. These mistakes encourage others to spread painful rumors about me to damage my reputation. As you may know, rumor-spreading people tend to be quite aggressive.

 

However, I've recently been thinking of taking back my standing in the social order. My idea is to sort of mimic the rumor-spreading people by being domineering. Is this a good idea?

[georgexu94]

Okay, so I'm not very good with people. I'm always too scared to start conversations (and keep them going), and socializing genuinely stresses me out. Because of this, I tend to ignore what's going on around me to preserve my energy, but when the focus of people's attention goes to me (such as if it's my turn to do something), I often freak out and act rashly, resulting in me committing very stupid and embarrassing mistakes almost every day. These mistakes encourage others to spread painful rumors about me to damage my reputation. As you may know, rumor-spreading people tend to be quite aggressive.

 

However, I've recently been thinking of taking back my standing in the social order. My idea is to sort of mimic the rumor-spreading people by being domineering. Is this a good idea?

I doubt that the idea is a good one. I strongly advice you to not. Simply beat the social norm if you don't like socialising because its social conventions. Be whoever you are comfortable to be. Be with the ones that you are comfortable with.

[azaria]

Hi guys.

 

I have a boyfriend who is absolutely wonderful in most ways, but he's really not accepting of people who are fat. We have talked about it a little and he keeps insisting that it's not healthy to be overweight (even slightly) and anyone who is should exercise regardless of if they want to. I disagree with his viewpoint, because it's a person's own decision to like or cultivate their body shape without being judged, but I don't know how to talk to him about it. Sometimes he'll like a photo on facebook that fatshames or whatever and it makes me feel gross.

 

any advice on how to deal with this would be appreciated.

Edited November 13, 2015 by azaria

[Omega Entity]

You might point out that thin does -not- equal healthy. Just as some people are naturally thin, others are at the normal weight for them with what others might consider 'extra pounds'. Ideal weight is not a 'one size fits all' scale.

 

As for those who a more than just a bit thick, there's often a number of factors at play. Some people can't just go out and exercise due to health conditions that prevent them from doing so. Others have hormonal imbalances that make weight loss especially difficult, and the same goes for medications. I have at least two family members who gained more than 20 pounds due to a simple change in medication, and as soon as that medication was changed they had little trouble losing weight once

 

Another thing you might ask him to make him think - how does he know that they aren't exercising? Does he watch them 24 hours a day so that he knows what they eat and if they exercise? Does he know that person's health history, and if they are taking any medications that make them gain weight or make it impossible to lose it? I have at least two family members who gained more than 20 pounds due to a simple change in medication, and as soon as that medication was changed they had little trouble losing that weight once their doctors changed their prescriptions.

 

 

Weight loss is not a fast process, not to mention that some people lose weight easier than others, and also differently depending on sex, hormone levels, diet, restrictions on what kinds of exercises they are physically capable of handling, etc. What may be a safe rate of weight loss for one person may not be safe for another, in which case moderation is required to keep them from doing permanent harm to themselves.

 

In the end, it's none of his damned business how people take care of themselves, and it affects him in no way whatsoever.

Edited November 13, 2015 by Omega Entity

[Kestra15]

However, I've recently been thinking of taking back my standing in the social order. My idea is to sort of mimic the rumor-spreading people by being domineering. Is this a good idea?

Don't mimic. Act like yourself. Forcing yourself into a shape you don't fit will just leave you worn, stressed and damaged, like trying to force a credit card into a toilet roll sideways.

I've been looking for something like this for quite some time, hoping to obtain casual life advice...

Do your degree. See if a job comes out of it. If not, or if nothing piques your interest, then go military.

 

any advice on how to deal with this would be appreciated. 

"Yes Dear" would work well, as would "You're an idiot."

 

Heavy =/= unhealthy. Have him look into the weights of many contact sport players and he'll soon see a lot of them are clinically overweight or obese. I am technically 'severely obese;' didn't stop me going to Everest or pulling off acrobatics.

Edited November 13, 2015 by Kestra15

[Draconiusultamius]

My parents won't let me have a pet, even though I'm almost 16. I've had a pet guinea pig before, but now my parents don't want another companion since he died. Apparently, my dad thinks there's too much emotional attatchment involved and my mom doesn't like the smell. Also, my allergy tests came back positive for cat, dog, mouse, hamster, and guinea pig. It's mostly mild, but my mom made a big deal about how I shoul even pet dogs or go near cats (my cat allergy is 7/10). I asked for a reptile and my mom said they contained way too much bacteria and viruses. I once owned two turtles who died for unknown reasons and my mom promised me another turtle. She refuses to awnoledge that promise. Rats are out because they're banned in my province (I live in Canada). So are giant African snails. So far, the pets I want the most are a breeding pair of scarlet macaws (breeding so they can possibly produce offspring to either help with repopulation or to reduce illegal trade via wild caught birds), a snake (I personally want a large snake, not constrictor large, but not cornsnake either. Maybe a slightly venomous species?), an axolotl, a tortoise, a Goliath bird eating spider or similarity sized one, a scorpion (NOT emporor. They're too common, I want something with a fat tail and tiny pincers), a centipede, a funnel web spider, a black widow, that somewhat recently discovered species of stick bug from southeast Asia, a bunch of polyphemus or grovers silkmoth larvae, a frog or toad, a salamander, a few giant water bugs, an eel, a stingray, a swimming sea cucumber, or a really cool fish (eg: stargazers and leafy seadragons). Just to name a few. The best thing would be to get a male and female of each so I can watch the full life cycle, but that's probably not going to happen. Ever.

[Exorian]

My parents won't let me have a pet, even though I'm almost 16. I've had a pet guinea pig before, but now my parents don't want another companion since he died. Apparently, my dad thinks there's too much emotional attatchment involved and my mom doesn't like the smell. Also, my allergy tests came back positive for cat, dog, mouse, hamster, and guinea pig. It's mostly mild, but my mom made a big deal about how I shoul even pet dogs or go near cats (my cat allergy is 7/10). I asked for a reptile and my mom said they contained way too much bacteria and viruses. I once owned two turtles who died for unknown reasons and my mom promised me another turtle. She refuses to awnoledge that promise. Rats are out because they're banned in my province (I live in Canada). So are giant African snails. So far, the pets I want the most are a breeding pair of scarlet macaws (breeding so they can possibly produce offspring to either help with repopulation or to reduce illegal trade via wild caught birds), a snake (I personally want a large snake, not constrictor large, but not cornsnake either. Maybe a slightly venomous species?), an axolotl, a tortoise, a Goliath bird eating spider or similarity sized one, a scorpion (NOT emporor. They're too common, I want something with a fat tail and tiny pincers), a centipede, a funnel web spider, a black widow, that somewhat recently discovered species of stick bug from southeast Asia, a bunch of polyphemus or grovers silkmoth larvae, a frog or toad, a salamander, a few giant water bugs, an eel, a stingray, a swimming sea cucumber, or a really cool fish (eg: stargazers and leafy seadragons). Just to name a few. The best thing would be to get a male and female of each so I can watch the full life cycle, but that's probably not going to happen. Ever.

Take steps to realize why the don't want you to have a pet. You said it's because of the emotional attachment, and the smells? Both are (semi) easily fixed. A cool fish would be really ideal, they can live for years depending on the species, and i'm pretty sure they don't smell.

 

A good thing would be to sit down with your parents, and go over why you want a pet in the first place, and why they are so against it.

[Kestra15]

My parents won't let me have a pet, even though I'm almost 16.

In a few years you can move out and get your own. So if they are going to remain set against it, just look forward to that.

[Draconiusultamius]

Take steps to realize why the don't want you to have a pet. You said it's because of the emotional attachment, and the smells? Both are (semi) easily fixed. A cool fish would be really ideal, they can live for years depending on the species, and i'm pretty sure they don't smell.

 

A good thing would be to sit down with your parents, and go over why you want a pet in the first place, and why they are so against it.

They also don't want to take care of the pet after I move out.

[Draconiusultamius]

In a few years you can move out and get your own. So if they are going to remain set against it, just look forward to that.

Yeah, but I don't think most university dorms allow pets. Especially not the breeding of them.

[PixelShark]

They also don't want to take care of the pet after I move out.

Keep in mind that several of the pets you named can be very high maintenance. Even a rabbit needs time outside of the cage (up to an hour or more), and they can make a mess in doing this--let alone the fact you would need a big, safe space for them to roam. For a first pet, I would definitely suggest some kind of fish, or a turtle (if you do your research on the latter). Yes, the emotional attachment is there, but think about it: who doesn't want a best friend who is incapable of judging?

 

Some universities allow you to have a fish. That's no problem at all. But something like a dog or cat or reptile might be harder to accept.

[Obscure_Trash]

Draconiusultamius - As mentioned, a lot of the pets you mentioned would be very high upkeep. Also expensive. Aside from food and the time required to give them the attention they need and cleaning up after them, cages and such can cost a lot. Reptiles, for example, typically need fairly big tanks as well as a consistent and warm temperature, so that means you're going to have to buy specific equipment to keep them healthy in. AND, you're nearing the time where you'll be graduating HS and mentioned going to college (and living in the dorms), which means you are putting all that care and maintenance on your parents. I don't blame them for saying no.

 

How much research have you done on these animals you want as pets? Since you want to breed them, I assume a fair amount. If you are dead set on a pet right now, here's what I would do:

-Pick a pet and research it.

-Make a list of what kind of equipment (and the price) you will need in order to keep the pet.

-Make a list of the food you'll need, how often they need fed, if there's any special storage requirements for the food, and the price. Look up how much of the food you can typically get at a time so it's easy to see how much feeding will cost over time.

-Start planning ahead for an alternative if your pet/s are still alive by the time you get to college. You're right that most dorms don't allow pets. So, see about living off campus. Do you have a friend who is going to work or live at home? Are you possibly going to be going to college near them? Will they keep the pet at their place while you're in a dorm if you continue to pay for it and take care of it? Keeping in mind you will need to make time in your quite possibly busy college schedule to go do these things.

-Take responsibility for the pet. Show your parents all this planning and see if they'll work with you when they see how seriously you are taking it. Tell them you'll do all the taking care of it. See what they'll help pay for if they agree.

 

However, I must say that I agree with Kestra. For the types of pets you want, especially since you want to breed them, I would suggest waiting until you are at a spot in your life where you can take care of them and pay for them on your own and do not need your parents permission. Sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it is the responsible thing to do IMO.

[Shadlok]

I've just got back from America two weeks go after flying out there to meet up with a person that I met online ~Removed~ and who I started dating. I've been dating him for four and a half years, and I've just discovered that I'm pregnant with his baby. He knew, but after an argument, he has listened to his friends, (who like to stir the crap), and has dumped me. I have no idea what to do, knowing I'm carrying his baby and he will not speak to me at all.

 

I was told on Thursday that I might be having an ectopic pregnancy, but he is still ignoring me, I have since found out that all with the baby is okay, but I feel so lost and depression is hitting me really hard. I'm terrified of doing this without him but it seems he has no intention to step up to the responsibility.

Edited November 17, 2015 by SockPuppet Strangler

[thewingeddragonofra]

My parents won't let me have a pet, even though I'm almost 16.  I've had a pet guinea pig before, but now my parents don't want another companion since he died.  Apparently, my dad thinks there's too much emotional attatchment involved and my mom doesn't like the smell.  Also, my allergy tests came back positive for cat, dog, mouse, hamster, and guinea pig.  It's mostly mild, but my mom made a big deal about how I shoul even pet dogs or go near cats (my cat allergy is 7/10).  I asked for a reptile and my mom said they contained way too much bacteria and viruses.  I once owned two turtles who died for unknown reasons and my mom promised me another turtle.  She refuses to awnoledge that promise.  Rats are out because they're banned in my province (I live in Canada).  So are giant African snails.  So far, the pets I want the most are a breeding pair of scarlet macaws (breeding so they can possibly produce offspring to either help with repopulation or to reduce illegal trade via wild caught birds), a snake (I personally want a large snake, not constrictor large, but not cornsnake either.  Maybe a slightly venomous species?), an axolotl, a tortoise, a Goliath bird eating spider or similarity sized one, a scorpion (NOT emporor.  They're too common, I want something with a fat tail and tiny pincers), a centipede, a funnel web spider, a black widow, that  somewhat recently discovered species of stick bug from southeast Asia, a bunch of polyphemus or grovers silkmoth larvae, a frog or toad, a salamander, a few giant water bugs, an eel, a stingray, a swimming sea cucumber, or a really cool fish (eg: stargazers and leafy seadragons).  Just to name a few.  The best thing would be to get a male and female of each so I can watch the full life cycle, but that's probably not going to happen.  Ever. 

 

One thing I want to point out, is that you've mentioned quite a few either rare, expensive, hard to keep, or dangerous animals. Why would you want to keep these species, in particular, especially as many of them are recommended for advanced keepers?

 

A breeding pair of Scarlet Macaws would not only need quite a big aviary, but would be super expensive themselves. I dont know how much they cost in Canada, but they're probably pretty high, PLUS birds are expensive to keep up and feed daily, as well as toys and maintenance of the aviary.

 

A Goliath Bird Eating tarantula is defiantly not recommend for someone who hasn't kept tarantulas, they're super aggressive and that bit harder to care fore - I dont believe there are any similarly sized huge tarantulas that would be good for a beginner. Same goes for the highly venomous tarantulas, defiantly not a good idea. Why not an emperor scorpion? They're cool, handleable, and pretty big, and a good beginner scorpion. Those with fat tails and tiny pincers are usually, again, for advanced keepers, mainly for the fact they can be more dangerous and aggressive.

 

Most of the fish you're mentioning are marine, and typically not available in the pet industry (even if they were, they would be very difficult to take care of. Also, very very expensive).

 

 

Now, for reptiles.

 

No dangerous venomous ones, plus (idk what its like in Canada) you'd probably need a license for something like a viper, or cobra. There are a few rear-fanged ones that are fine, but most I would not recommend (aside from a western hognose, which are really cool and would be a great first snake, but they're smaller than corn snakes, and you said you wanted something bigger).

 

Heres a few cool species that would be alright as a first snake, that are a little more odd/less common, since thats what you seem to want.

- Various Kingsnakes - there are LOADS of species, including less common ones, and some very pretty ones, such as an Arizona Mountain Kingsnake. Slightly bigger than corn snakes, still easy to keep and not usually expensive

- Brazillian Rainbow Boa - VERY pretty snakes, not too expensive, again fairly easy to keep.

- Carpet Pythons - can be a little aggressive, but if you do your research, they're not too hard, and can get a nice size and very pretty!

- Other rat snakes (e.g Russian Rat snakes, Taiwanese Beauty snakes would be the ones I think you might like the most) not all species are suitable for beginners, some can be very aggressive, but most are fairly easy to keep, some get bigger than others (like beauty snakes get quite big, up to 8ft).

 

I'le repeat what others have said, DO YOUR RESEARCH!

 

Finding one you fancy and researching it is the best way. I've just given a few suggestions and helped guide you the right way a bit. The worst thing you could do is get an advanced or dangerous species, and then it dying or you getting bitten. Dont learn the hard way.

 

Rethink why you want a more advanced/dangerous pet. Because its cool? Exotic pets ARE cool, and some can make wonderful pets, but some dont, and dont rush in too quickly just so you can say you have a dangerous animal just for the sake of it.

 

Reptiles and inverts are quiet, not particularly messy pets, so are probably the best for your household, but again can be quite expensive to set up. Listen to Sock's and the other advice too. If you dont have the money, or are not able to care for it properly and responsibly, dont get one in the first place.

 

I'm happy to offer any more help regarding exotic pets (my forte is reptiles, and i know my stuff with birds and most inverts). Feel free to PM me, too, or ask any questions regarding anything/a specific species.

 

Apologies for the really long post.

Edited November 16, 2015 by thewingeddragonofra

[Obscure_Trash]

I've just got back from America two weeks go after flying out there to meet up with a person that I met online who I started dating. I've been dating him for four and a half years, and I've just discovered that I'm pregnant with his baby. He knew, but after an argument, he has listened to his friends, (who like to stir the crap), and has dumped me. I have no idea what to do, knowing I'm carrying his baby and he will not speak to me at all.

 

I was told on Thursday that I might be having an ectopic pregnancy, but he is still ignoring me, I have since found out that all with the baby is okay, but I feel so lost and depression is hitting me really hard. I'm terrified of doing this without him but it seems he has no intention to step up to the responsibility.

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this on your own!

 

Whoever this is you're talking about - he's not worth your time. It's so ugly and disrespectful to just cut you out of his life like that, no matter what his 'friends' are whispering in his ear.

 

What have you done to prepare for this? You may not have your ex-, but what about family or friends? Yes, ultimate responsibility will come down to you, but you don't have to be completely alone. Many people are single parents. It is completely doable. I think talking about your options and sitting down and planning out how to handle some stuff may help you come to terms with the reality of what you're dealing with and how to deal with it.

 

Yeah, what you're going through is so scary, but you aren't alone and you aren't the only one who's been through it. Maybe there's even some group just for single parents (to be) that you could go to. If not, I'm sure there's a forum where single parents can gather. You may get some good advice if you approach these places. Reach out for help because there are people who can help you!

Edited November 17, 2015 by SockPuppet Strangler

[georgexu94]

Angel of the Inferno: Sock is correct. Listen to them. I hear that there are plenty of support groups out there. Groups of gay parents, single moms, etc. They are there to help each other. There are others who are older and have encountered the same experience. You can gain some insight from them.

 

~Removed~

Edited November 17, 2015 by SockPuppet Strangler