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The Unofficial Advice Thread

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Frankly, you shouldn't be doing anything distracting while driving at all, even if you're stopped at a light. You'd still get hit with a distracted driving ticket if caught.

 

If you're on the road, you're driving, whether you're actually moving or not. I'd be pissed if someone was distracted at a light and rammed into the back of my car because they didn't realize their foot had come off the brake.

 

Seriously, don't do it.

Edited by Omega Entity

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When I said I'd like some preoccupation while driving, I mean in traffic, obviously, not while moving. Well, I suppose the music solves that too.

Keep your eyes on the road.

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biggrin.gif I see. Thanks for that piece of advice. Alright, so all I need to do is download a music playlist everytime I go on the road.

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I don't, or rather can't, download games in my phone. I tried that once and it helped me a ton in waiting in the MRT. However, my phone usually hangs. sad.gif It has very low memory.

How about a device to listen to podcasts on? There's so much variety of free podcasts. Stories, media reviews, educational, etc.

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Georgexu94 - I think podcasts are a good idea or audio books. If you can find some stuff with like brainteasers, riddles, etc. that you can answer in your head and stuff like that, it may be helpful. Looking at things can be considered dangerous, I guess, but you can play games in your head as well if you can think of any.

 

Maybe plan your week? No idea. Just trying to think of safe stuff, which is hard.

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When I said I'd like some preoccupation while driving, I mean in traffic, obviously, not while moving. Well, I suppose the music solves that too.

I wouldn't suggest doing anything other than listening to music and maybe an audiobook if you can concentrate on driving while listening to an audiobook.

 

Make sure that whatever you choose is a) safe and B) not illegal. Operating any device, including a GPS and a mobile phone, is illegal in some countries unless you have parked your car.

Edited by Raistlin24

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I need a Dragon Cave forum collective creativity. I want to occupy myself with a menial task that I can do while waiting. This includes waiting in line while standing, etc. i have a list of things to do while waiting sitting down, such as drawing, writing, playing shooting stars and tic tac toe on a scroll of paper. However, I cannot do these while standing, waiting for the train at the station.

I know we got focused on the driving part, but I just want to point out there was more to the question than just driving. ^^

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I know we got focused on the driving part, but I just want to point out there was more to the question than just driving. ^^

 

Yeah hm

 

...

 

I need a Dragon Cave forum collective creativity. I want to occupy myself with a menial task that I can do while waiting. This includes waiting in line while standing, etc. i have a list of things to do while waiting sitting down, such as drawing, writing, playing shooting stars and tic tac toe on a scroll of paper. However, I cannot do these while standing, waiting for the train at the station.

 

For standing in lines...uhhh

 

- Find some apps on your phone that you like if you can

 

- Get some headphones and listen to music while you wait,

easily take them off/out when you are done waiting in the line

 

- Think about existence

 

- Come up with a story in your head and pretend you're the main character

and you have to wait in line for some reason

 

- Bring a snack bar or something and keep it in your pocket

until you find yourself in this situation, eating passes time

 

- Memorize jokes and tell them to yourself in your head

 

- If there's cracks/tiles on the ground try to avoid them,

step in the middle of the tiles or over the cracks while you move forward in line

 

- Count how many people are wearing a certain color

 

- Think about how a year ago you thought that the current time that it is now was far away, but you're already here and you'll probably feel the same way a year later from today and so on.

So that means you'll think "Wow I have to wait 20 minutes" but time moves ever onward so eventually it's gonna be 20 minutes, and you'll be doing something 20 minutes later,

even though 20 minutes ago you were annoyed at how it was going to take 20 minutes to get to where you are 20 minutes later

 

That's all I got right now

Edited by Silverwinter

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Oh there we go! While driving, I can look at how many cars are green. Something that I can keep my eyes on the road and not get bored. Plus it is not dangerous.

 

Thinking about existence for me might be dangerous while driving. Yup, have to keep my eyes and mind on the road. tongue.gif

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Good morning/afternoon/night wink.gif

 

So, I've been wondering about something.

For the last 14 years of my life, I have been a natural human repel.

Reasons:

1. In my class, people tend to not talk to me.

2. Teachers tend to not look at me when they're talking to someone and me.

3. Even my brother pays less attention to me than my sister.

4. Whatever others are doing, they won't tell me if I don't ask them directly.(I always thought it might be something I shouldn't ask about so I didn't)

5. Even if I made or have something awesome, they'll think it's my sister's. I feel like a shadow(they like my sister a lot)

 

I've thought about why they don't like me much and this is what I came up with:

1. My face. I'm not beautiful and my face is very different.(yes, they like to hang out with pretty people)

2. My personality. I'm quiet and don't really smile. But that's how I am.(After some childhood trauma)

3. My hobbies. I like English and they don't.(I'm from Asia. Surprisingly my sister like English too but they like her) I love drawing but my sister is better at it so I feel like a shadow again. I used to sing but after a childhood trauma I don't have the courage to sing anymore.

4. People always misunderstand what I said because I'm bad at talking.

 

I think I need to have something more special that others don't have to make myself feel better.

But at the same time I feel like I'm just jealous of my sister and I don't think I should since her being better than me is the truth. I want to try playing instruments like violin or guitar yet I don't have the chance to. I keep thinking of me being the shadow and supports the sun to look brighter which is just sad.

 

Since I'm bad at talking, if what I said don't make any sense then please forgive me.

Edited by Laluna_Silverfire

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Good morning/afternoon/night wink.gif

 

So, I've been wondering about something.

For the last 14 years of my life, I have been a natural human repel.

Reasons:

1. In my class, people tend to not talk to me.

2. Teachers tend to not look at me when they're talking to someone and me.

3. Even my brother pays less attention to me than my sister.

4. Whatever others are doing, they won't tell me if I don't ask them directly.(I always thought it might be something I shouldn't ask about so I didn't)

5. Even if I made or have something awesome, they'll think it's my sister's. I feel like a shadow(they like my sister a lot)

 

I've thought about why they don't like me much and this is what I came up with:

1. My face. I'm not beautiful and my face is very different.(yes, they like to hang out with pretty people)

2. My personality. I'm quiet and don't really smile. But that's how I am.(After some childhood trauma)

3. My hobbies. I like English and they don't.(I'm from Asia. Surprisingly my sister like English too but they like her) I love drawing but my sister is better at it so I feel like a shadow again. I used to sing but after a childhood trauma I don't have the courage to sing anymore.

4. People always misunderstand what I said because I'm bad at talking.

 

I think I need to have something more special that others don't have to make myself feel better.

But at the same time I feel like I'm just jealous of my sister and I don't think I should since her being better than me is the truth. I want to try playing instruments like violin or guitar yet I don't have the chance to. I keep thinking of me being the shadow and supports the sun to look brighter which is just sad.

 

Since I'm bad at talking, if what I said don't make any sense then please forgive me.

This is tough to give advice on! However.. I can give you is a new perspective from being older, since I went through this similar thing when I was your age. The only major difference is I did not grow up with brothers or sisters, so I'm not sure how to give advice on that front.

 

I'll try my best to give you some things to think about, okay?

 

First of all, two things: 1. Everything will be okay, 2. You're not alone. Try to remember that as often as you can.

 

I'm going to try and address these things you brought up and reassure you on some stuff:

 

My wording is bad, I hope this all sounds helpful and not aggressive or mean, I don't intend to come off this way but sometimes I accidentally do.

 

I've thought about why they don't like me much and this is what I came up with:

1. My face. I'm not beautiful and my face is very different.(yes, they like to hang out with pretty people)

 

1. I can see why you feel this way, not because I agree that you're "not beautiful", because I'm sure you are wrong about that! What I want to tell you is that people in school are very judgmental, but the way to think of it is that school is not the whole world. You are at a seemingly slow-moving point in your life, trapped with these people who are not the greatest to deal with, and it can make you feel worried about the silliest things. The truth is this: As you progress in life, you'll find that for every one person who makes a judgment like that, there are a thousand more people who would never even think that way - a thousand more people who know that a friend is more than their looks. The chances to find amazing friends are very high if you never give up.

 

2. My personality. I'm quiet and don't really smile. But that's how I am.(After some childhood trauma)

 

2. If it helps any, I was like this in school as well. I didn't smile often and was incredibly quiet. People did make fun of me for it, they avoided me and started rumors about me too - I look back on it now and think of how ridiculous it was to do something like that to someone. Really, even if it were true that it's because you're quiet, you are who you are. And going through childhood trauma, the impact it had on you, whatever it was, is something you cannot control. The thing is, Kids your age tend to not understand these things, and it's because they are kids. From my experience, later on, they will be completely different people, having learned it's not okay to judge someone simply for being quiet. It's hard to think of now, but I assure you, there's nothing wrong with you for being quiet or not smiling, nothing at all.

 

3. My hobbies. I like English and they don't.(I'm from Asia. Surprisingly my sister like English too but they like her) I love drawing but my sister is better at it so I feel like a shadow again. I used to sing but after a childhood trauma I don't have the courage to sing anymore.

 

3. Your hobbies are important, stick with them as long as you can. Try not to change them just to make people like you, doing that usually leads to misery. As for drawing, well, I've not seen your art but I'm an artist, so what I can say is that comparing your art to anyone else's, even your own sister's, will usually demotivate you. It's hard to resist, though, but I know you're a truly good artist because every good artist I know has done this with their art (they compare it to others art and get discouraged). It shows that you care and that you want to improve; you have passion. You may feel like a shadow now, but never ever give up on your art..it will all pay off in the end.

 

P.S. I'm sorry about your singing, I hope that someday you have the courage to sing again if that is ever your goal, I believe people should do what makes them comfortable and happy.

 

4. People always misunderstand what I said because I'm bad at talking.

 

4. Talking isn't easy. People make it SEEM like it is or should be, but it truly isn't. Sure - for some people, they develop speaking skills naturally. That's good for them. Just don't let that make you think there's something the matter with you, because there isn't! If it's important to you, though, and you want to work on your talking skills, there are things to help with that! ^^ I personally think your wording and talking skills are fine from reading your post here!

 

I think I need to have something more special that others don't have to make myself feel better.

But at the same time I feel like I'm just jealous of my sister and I don't think I should since her being better than me is the truth. I want to try playing instruments like violin or guitar yet I don't have the chance to. I keep thinking of me being the shadow and supports the sun to look brighter which is just sad.

 

I think it's awesome you want to try to play instruments, I'm not sure why you don't have the chance to, but I hope that you get a chance in the future. It's hard for me to suggest alternate things for you because that's something I'm not the best at, all I can do is hope that you find something you love that makes you feel better. And again, comparing yourself to someone else is always hard to resist, but it always will make you feel bad. You're your own person and you do things the way you do things, you're sister isn't better than you, she's just a different person. You'll find your own way to manage things, I guarantee it.

 

Okay there's tons more I can say...but I don't want to overload you so I'm going to end this here by summing this up...

 

Thinking about why people don't like you will always result in feeling bad about yourself, your brain will come up with the silliest reasons that probably aren't even true! And you aren't a natural human repel, you just haven't met the right people yet, which is usually very hard to do in school. If you just hang in there, I'm sure you'll get through this and meet the most wonderful people who understand you. There are a lot of people to meet down the road, lots of experiences to take in, so please, like I said, hang in there. I'm sorry things are rough and you feel like this.

 

And sorry this was a messy mixture of advice AND lecture AND inspiration stuff, but I really wanted to help you feel better somehow.

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Okay so here we go:

 

My boyfriend of three months dotes over me and buys me things and constantly tells me I'm beautiful. He tell me I'm everything to him and that if he lost me he might kill himself and that's all fine but he always makes jokes about cheating. I know he would never cheat because thats what broke his parents up, plus he only thinks about me and doesn't see anyone else like that as long as he has. Sometimes it hurts though but I don't say anything because he always says he's happy that he's able to joke with me about those things. Should I tell him that I don't want him to tell those jokes all the time, or just know that I can trust him and that it means nothing?

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Okay so here we go:

 

My boyfriend of three months dotes over me and buys me things and constantly tells me I'm beautiful. He tell me I'm everything to him and that if he lost me he might kill himself and that's all fine but he always makes jokes about cheating. I know he would never cheat because thats what broke his parents up, plus he only thinks about me and doesn't see anyone else like that as long as he has. Sometimes it hurts though but I don't say anything because he always says he's happy that he's able to joke with me about those things. Should I tell him that I don't want him to tell those jokes all the time, or just know that I can trust him and that it means nothing?

Okay, so all relationships are different and some people genuinely are okay with this kind of talk, but this language always sets off all my warning bells!

 

Threatening/"joking about" suicide so they don't lose a partner is a common tactic of abuse/manipulation. It puts the responsibility of their life on their partner's head, trapping them in the relationship, when the truth is that's gross and not okay. While it hurts when people leave, yes, in a healthy relationship, people should be able to leave if whatever reason calls for it. It's not a partner's job to stay just to make sure the other doesn't commit suicide.

 

I just don't find that kind of talk about suicide cute or romantic or funny at all. =U

 

However, to address your actual question: all healthy relationships require communication! I am bolding that because it's so important. It doesn't matter if it's familial, friendly, romantic, or sexual. A relationship cannot succeed if there is not open and honest communication.

 

Yes, definitely talk with your partner, and let him know how you feel about the jokes. Do try to avoid just placing blame. So instead of "your hurt me when you insinuate you might cheat" stick to something more like "I know it's supposed to be a joke, but I am hurt when cheating is treated like a joke. I would really appreciate it if the cheating jokes could disappear. I'm just uncomfortable with them". His reaction to your reasonable request will say a lot.

 

He may actually be joking. He may actually be saying this stuff because he's self-conscious and, simply because of what his parents did, is afraid you might cheat and is trying to dull himself to the possible pain of it happening. In any case, it is something that hurts you, and you shouldn't have to hide that to make him happy. If he is hiding worries like that, hopefully he will take this as an opportunity to discuss and be honest with you as well.

 

I hope that you two are able to communicate and discuss and things work out.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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Hello there smile.gif I hope this is the right place for this!

I'm looking for some advice on naming a thread. I have some ideas, but I don't know if they are any good and I was hoping to find a person or two to discuss it with. I'd prefer to do this through PM please!

 

Basic info about my problem:

* It's about anxiety.

* I need a three word name with a nice abbreviation.

 

Again, hope this is okay, and thanks for considering! ^.^

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A good number of you are pretty creative in how you approach things.. lets see how you do with my current predicament:

 

My mom is turning 50 this year. All this month, she has been making comments about wanting a birthday party, because she never gets one. My brother is tied down, waiting on his new baby to come, the youngest one.. isnt very helpful for anything, which leaves this on me to figure out. Except: I dont know how to throw a birthday party. I only ever had one, and it was horrible. I don't throw parties for our kids. We just do small gatherings at some place they like with just family, and do one big party for both kids halfway between their birthdays.

 

Mom wants a big party, with all her friends, and family that can be bothered to show up. I can NOT throw a party here, and would not at her house either. I cant afford to do a party at a restaurant, but I know its considered rude to ask people to pay for themselves. I could plan a camping trip, or a fishing trip, which is what she normally asks for, but getting a large group of people to actually show up would be difficult. I dont want to let her down, but I honestly have no idea what to do for her.

 

We do have a park nearby, and could easily "rent" one of the pavillions and just bbq all day for her, but im not sure that would be something that matches her idea of a party. So... ideas please?

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I'm at a very emotionally unstable point in my life. I mean, I don't think I'm too bad, as I can function adequately enough in daily life, but it doesn't mean it's easy. I have a lot of highs and lows, and I am often times more sad than I am happy. I just want to be...okay. Professional help is kind of an unavailable option for me atm, but I plan on obtaining it in the future. Other than that, is there anything I can do for myself, in order to regulate my emotions? I most often feel sad, lonesome, frustrated and anxious. Sometimes, I lash out to people who don't deserve it as a result. I have tried to take out these feelings on sports, but school has got me tired to the bone. Any suggestions are readily welcome.

Edited by andromedae

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I need somebody to look at a website I'm working on and give me their opinion about it, make some suggestions, etc. Please PM me if you're willing to help... I really appreciate it! ^~^~

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I'm at a very emotionally unstable point in my life. I mean, I don't think I'm too bad, as I can function adequately enough in daily life, but it doesn't mean it's easy. I have a lot of highs and lows, and I am often times more sad than I am happy. I just want to be...okay. Professional help is kind of an unavailable option for me atm, but I plan on obtaining it in the future. Other than that, is there anything I can do for myself, in order to regulate my emotions? I most often feel sad, lonesome, frustrated and anxious. Sometimes, I lash out to people who don't deserve it as a result. I have tried to take out these feelings on sports, but school has got me tired to the bone. Any suggestions are readily welcome.

You already mentioned sports. Physical exercise is good to keep happy. One, it takes your mind off sad things. And two, your body produces those happy hormones (serotonin) when you exercise.

 

However, you did say that school takes some time and energy. I suggest that you seek some sports that is not too strenuous for you. Next, you can also try certain hobbies such as painting or writing.

 

smile.gif Also, the keys to happiness are doing what you love, proper exercise and proper sleep.

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We do have a park nearby, and could easily "rent" one of the pavillions and just bbq all day for her, but im not sure that would be something that matches her idea of a party. So... ideas please?

Ok, I don't want to sound too nosey, but what about your dad/Moms partner? Can you count on his help with this, or is it all on you?

 

I agree that asking guests to pay for it is a no-go, soo...The park option sound the best, but it demands a bit of work and/or creativity to make it more Mom-styled party. Are there any options to make it like a really fancy barbeque? Can you rent someone to make food for you, or find a proffesional barman? You know, like the open air wedding reception, with long dresses, music, stuff like that?

 

And maybe it would be a good idea to team up with Moms best friend.

 

 

(my mum is also turning 50. I am lucky she doesn't want to celebrate, I only have to find her a pet Axolotl rolleyes.gif )

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Ok, I don't want to sound too nosey, but what about your dad/Moms partner? Can you count on his help with this, or is it all on you?

 

I agree that asking guests to pay for it is a no-go, soo...The park option sound the best, but it demands a bit of work and/or creativity to make it more Mom-styled party. Are there any options to make it like a really fancy barbeque? Can you rent someone to make food for you, or find a proffesional barman? You know, like the open air wedding reception, with long dresses, music, stuff like that?

 

And maybe it would be a good idea to team up with Moms best friend.

 

 

(my mum is also turning 50. I am lucky she doesn't want to celebrate, I only have to find her a pet Axolotl rolleyes.gif )

Im on my own, trying to plan around work schedules, and cant expect help from anyone else. I think im gonna stick to bbq at the park.. I think her big thing is just wanting people to show up, more than anything else.

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Well, this might sound a bit stupid but I would appreciate some different opinions on the matter.

 

I have been writing for a few years now, and by a few years I mean over 18 years. I have written some pieces of trash I have readily discarded, and some decent things. By decent I mean entertaining, light, adventure stuff. Lets be honest, these are not masterpieces nor do I strive them to be. Nothing thoughtful, deep, or absolutely fantastic, although I do try to get decent characters, a dynamic story and a correct spelling and grammar.

 

On to the main topic. I want to try at publishing in Amazon. Why? Because I really can't bother with the traditional publishing industry. I live in Spain, the industry here is practically in ruins, your chances at getting published being a nobody are close to none and getting an agent is equally impossible. I've tried, they won't even bother to read your manuscript unless you're actually someone, and I can't waste hundreds of euros I don't have on the mild chance someone will be willing to look at my thing.

 

Anyways, I've been wondering whether it would be a good idea to translate the thing, which is written in spanish, to english to maximize the public I can access. I would do that myself, as again, I can't pay the thousand bucks that would get the thing translated. In my country there are not many readers, and even less that enjoy urban fantasy, so I thought by publishing in both languages I would be able to broaden my horizons.

 

Any ideas on promotion? So far I've thought about Facebook, webpage, blog, Youtube.... not sure what else I could do. I'm not too sure what to write the blog about, either, as I don't think I'm in any position to teach anyone how to write good books. I was thinking something along the lines of sporking bad books for laughs, even getting into my very own stuff to rip it apart (which could be a lot of fun), but I'm not too sure as the only blog I ever kept was one concerning dog training and behavior.

 

Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for your time, guys. smile.gif

 

Edit; Forgot to add, this is not about the money. I'd love if I could make a living out of this because I could spend my time at home, care for the dogs, do something I truly love, but it's not really about that. I guess, like most writers, it's about getting my books out so people have a chance to read them, love them, hate them, spork them, make memes and insult the writer as much as they wish.

Edited by DragonNighthowler

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I do not know about the other advisors here, but for me, I would need more information since that is what advise is about- having enough info. As you said, it's not about the money. Then, what is your drive for having your works out to the hoi polloi (the public)? Do you see your works inspiring the people? If yes, then by all means. Have your works publish! biggrin.gif

 

On the other, if it's merely for entertainment (e.g. fiction, sci-fi) then think more of your ultimate goal. Also, will this be beneficial for you (e.g. Financially, socially, etc.)?

 

I see some hint that you are for inspiration and for people to gather wisdom, but I am not sure. However, I support having your works published!

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I do not know about the other advisors here, but for me, I would need more information since that is what advise is about- having enough info. As you said, it's not about the money. Then, what is your drive for having your works out to the hoi polloi (the public)? Do you see your works inspiring the people? If yes, then by all means. Have your works publish! biggrin.gif

 

On the other, if it's merely for entertainment (e.g. fiction, sci-fi) then think more of your ultimate goal. Also, will this be beneficial for you (e.g. Financially, socially, etc.)?

 

I see some hint that you are for inspiration and for people to gather wisdom, but I am not sure. However, I support having your works published!

To be honest, I don't think my words will inspire anyone. laugh.gif

 

Like I said, it's merely entertainment, light urban fantasy adventure that doesn't try to be anything else. I guess I only want people to read it and if I get a few bucks in the process that's perfectly fine.

 

Thanks for your words and support. smile.gif

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Any ideas on promotion? So far I've thought about Facebook, webpage, blog, Youtube.... not sure what else I could do. I'm not too sure what to write the blog about, either, as I don't think I'm in any position to teach anyone how to write good books. I was thinking something along the lines of sporking bad books for laughs, even getting into my very own stuff to rip it apart (which could be a lot of fun), but I'm not too sure as the only blog I ever kept was one concerning dog training and behavior.

Your promotion plan sounds quite good to me. As you already said, try to reach out as many social medias as you can and link them somehow together, good choices being Facebook, Twitter and maybe Tumblr, and then a webpage for your book. Try to suggest your book to your friends and relatives, ask them if they know someone who might like it etc. Regarding the blog, I don't know either about the content in there. If you feel like you can write about writing, then go ahead! You could also write about reading other books, for example doing reviews and stuff like that.

 

These were just a few ideas that came to my head. Your project sounds fascinating and I can't wait to hear more about it, good luck!

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Your promotion plan sounds quite good to me. As you already said, try to reach out as many social medias as you can and link them somehow together, good choices being Facebook, Twitter and maybe Tumblr, and then a webpage for your book. Try to suggest your book to your friends and relatives, ask them if they know someone who might like it etc. Regarding the blog, I don't know either about the content in there. If you feel like you can write about writing, then go ahead! You could also write about reading other books, for example doing reviews and stuff like that.

 

These were just a few ideas that came to my head. Your project sounds fascinating and I can't wait to hear more about it, good luck!

Book reviews sound like an interesting idea. Thank you very much. smile.gif

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