Age Gaps in Relationships

[Spelunker]

I don't think it's a problem. Provided people are compatible, they can love whomever they want. Honestly, for me to pass any sort of judgement on other people's love would be hypocritical, as I'm for people doing whatever they want. If I met a man (or heck, a girl. I don't know at this stage of life.) that I loved who was older, or younger, or the same age, I'd likely go for it. (However, the situation may be awkward as the people I have crushes on are all close friends.)

[ary_lynn]

I think age gaps are generally quite common in relationships.

As far as I'm concerned; age makes no difference in regards to love (or gender for that matter). I've loved both those younger than me and older than me as well as both genders.

I do tend to prefer those older than me though, whether by a couple years or a few.

Although, I probably could not ever date someone old enough to be my grandfather, that would be completely awkward to me. Being friends with someone of that age is just fine though ~

 

As far as parents go... They probably just want the best for either way, which, is ultimately your happiness. If you're happy with the person, eventually your parents will understand.

 

[Esmeia]

As long as they're both old enough/adults, I generally have no problem. Really, once you become an adult, age differences usually aren't a problem, most of the time. I only get up in arms when it's an underage person/child, obviously, but I think that goes for most people.

Edited June 16, 2013 by Esmeia

[Lagie]

My stepmother is 18 years younger than my father (and only 10 years older than me). It's never been an issue for me, and still isn't, but I do notice now that she's almost 60 and he's over 70, that he looks and acts much older than she does, which wasn't as noticeable when they first got together (1981).

 

Now, my middle brother, their first son, who is 23, is dating a woman who's 45, and they seem really happy together. I hope they're able to make it work as I really, really, I'm so jealous like her. (His brother, at 20, is now engaged to a 22-year-old, and oddly, more people comment on that than on the other brother.)

[kiffren]

How has no one linked the xkcd comic yet?

https://xkcd.com/314/

 

Generally I find that the people who I like fall within that age range, with some exceptions of course. When I was 18 I dated a 24 year old, which is a couple years out of the "acceptable" age range as XKCD predicts.

 

I have no issue with it if the age gap isn't too large. That is, if one of the parties is old enough to be the parent of the other person things get creepy. So at around ~17 years things start to feel weird to me. It also depends on the two people. I know some people who are older but get along much better with people who are younger, and vice versa.

[wonton55912]

I can't say anything about age gaps because half the people I like are what... 30 years older? yeahdaddyissues...

 

Not like I'd act on them... I'm sane enough to know that it just isn't /right/

 

But I mean, as long as the two people are legal, I don't give a crap, they can do what they want.

[Princess Kiara]

Well, I'm sixteen, and my crush is twenty-nine and turning thirty this month. I know I can't even try to find out if he also likes me until I'm eighteen, for fear of spoiling his public image, but I would love to be his girlfriend and perhaps even marry him. He's strong, decent, extremely cute, an excellent dancer and singer, funny, playful and very intelligent (he speaks five languages, two of which I already speak, and I am learning a third, Romanian).

[J'Adore Julez]

My Partner is 6 years younger than me and it works just dandy age is, but a number!

[Pippyspot]

Providing both individuals are of age, and are genuinely happy with the relationship then I see no issue in that. I also find older men much more mature than men my age also, and my boyfriend is 5 years older than me. It works fantastically, and I couldn't be happier

 

You're only as old as you feel

[FireDitto]

Age gaps have never bothered me personally; my dad is 10 years on my mum. My step dad growing up had 30 years on my mum (his youngest son is older than my mum; they split up) and my first relationship, he had 22 years on me. I also currently RP a character who has almost 20 years on his male partner - they're 30 and 50. And a girl who is 20 to her partner's 30.

 

Ages are just numbers, and while there are some restrictions (underage, most notably) all they really indicate is a base line of maturity and life experience. Some people experience a lot in a short period of time, and are able to better relate to an older partner, or even subconsciously seek out the security they are better able to offer. Some people mature faster or slower, and so relate better to someone in a different age range.

 

Like many others have said, so long as the pair are both consenting adults abiding by their local laws, then what they do and whom they are involved with should be their own business.

[1337Forev3r]

From love's point of view, age does not exist.

This, this is a good quote.

 

But yeah, you don't need an age barrier (unless in situation where... don't worry)...

[PointOfOrigin]

It's all in the maturity. Thirty years old person going after fourteen year old usually sets alarm tones in me. 36 yo person with a twenty year old person, from the other side, sounds perfectly acceptable to me.

 

[Syaoransbear]

I've never been sexually attracted to people who were much older or younger than me(except when I was 5 and I liked all my older brother's 16 year old friends heh), so it wouldn't work for me. I've only dated people my age. My first boyfriend was 3 months older than me and my husband is 10 months older than me.

[Arredie]

My mum i 40 and my dad is 60. They are just divorcing. (I am 14...)

Relationship between younger woman and older man is for people normal. But when is the woman older, it is strange for other. I do not accept this access. I think if man has a moral right to marry with a younger woman, why when is a woman older than her partner people don't like it?

[Shienvien]

I think if man has a moral right to marry with a younger woman, why when is a woman older than her partner people don't like it?

Prejudice, that's all. Other than men remaining fertile for longer and growing up a bit later, there is no biological justification, and both of those things are mostly irrelevant these days.

[Moeru]

You can throw around "Love knows no age" forever, but you have to also consider that the so-called 'maturity' of a 16 year old (for the sake of argument) or an 18 year old is just NOT going to be the same as a 25-year-old or a 31 year old. They just don't have the experience.

Also, biologically, puberty doesn't end until around age 24. That's usually when people stop making really stupid decisions like "Let's drive to Mexico and snort cocaine off a dancer's stomach!"

(note that "usually" is a very very general term lol)

And of course all of you are already thinking "I'm 19 and I don't make stupid decisions so I am mature" and I thought the exact same thing when I was 19 and I actually DIDN'T make stupid decisions. But now almost 10 years later it is absolutely clear that although I did the best I could as a teenager, I just didn't have the breadth of experience that time will give.

 

That being said, a large age gap, especially in societies where sexes and genders are still VASTLY treated without equality, means someone is at a serious disadvantage in experience, judgment, rationality and respectability. The younger person is going to be pretty reliant on the elder. Have you seen our economy? If a 21 year old is dating a 53 year old it's not likely that they will be able to be on the same economic footing, creating further power imbalance. All these subtle inequalities just send up a lot of red flags to me.

[TikindiDragon]

You can throw around "Love knows no age" forever, but you have to also consider that the so-called 'maturity' of a 16 year old (for the sake of argument) or an 18 year old is just NOT going to be the same as a 25-year-old or a 31 year old. They just don't have the experience.

Also, biologically, puberty doesn't end until around age 24. That's usually when people stop making really stupid decisions like "Let's drive to Mexico and snort cocaine off a dancer's stomach!"

(note that "usually" is a very very general term lol)

And of course all of you are already thinking "I'm 19 and I don't make stupid decisions so I am mature" and I thought the exact same thing when I was 19 and I actually DIDN'T make stupid decisions. But now almost 10 years later it is absolutely clear that although I did the best I could as a teenager, I just didn't have the breadth of experience that time will give.

 

That being said, a large age gap, especially in societies where sexes and genders are still VASTLY treated without equality, means someone is at a serious disadvantage in experience, judgment, rationality and respectability. The younger person is going to be pretty reliant on the elder. Have you seen our economy? If a 21 year old is dating a 53 year old it's not likely that they will be able to be on the same economic footing, creating further power imbalance. All these subtle inequalities just send up a lot of red flags to me.

But if they're *happy* does any of that actually matter?

[Corvidae]

One of my friends dated a 21 year old and she was 15/16. They slept together several times. The girl (the younger one, we'll call her said she "was so in love with him" and "knew he was the one". But that didn't stop her from sleeping with my friend and then making it look like it was all his fault.

 

In some peoples' eyes, the age gap might seem cute or sweet, or right.

 

But in my eyes (and the law's), it's statutory rape. Anyone who has sex with a minor, even if it was consented, is illegal. And sick, in my eyes.

 

 

Now, continuing from that story above.

 

B broke up with her lovely older boyfriend, and got with my ex. I'll give you a brief history of me & him: He was a senior, I was a junior. Talked for a few days with him when he asked me out. I said "okay" because he seemed cool. The guy literally molested me at school a few days later. Put me in a corner and shoved his hand down my pants. Told my parents and they threatened to press charges on the ***. Now, B was extremely angry at this guy. She threatened him several times and hated him. But after about a week, B revealed that she was talking to him and secretly dating him all while she said she "hated" him, and that she had already "been to his house" several times. And we all know what that means. And yes, I know that it's what happened.

 

 

So. In my opinion, younger people do not have enough maturity or experience to handle dating someone much older than them. Many are immature, like B. So in my experience, age gaps are not good, unless both people are over 18. Hell, maybe over 21 at that.

[ary_lynn]

One of my friends dated a 21 year old and she was 15/16. They slept together several times. The girl (the younger one, we'll call her said she "was so in love with him" and "knew he was the one". But that didn't stop her from sleeping with my friend and then making it look like it was all his fault.

 

In some peoples' eyes, the age gap might seem cute or sweet, or right.

 

But in my eyes (and the law's), it's statutory rape. Anyone who has sex with a minor, even if it was consented, is illegal. And sick, in my eyes.

 

 

Now, continuing from that story above.

 

B broke up with her lovely older boyfriend, and got with my ex. I'll give you a brief history of me & him: He was a senior, I was a junior. Talked for a few days with him when he asked me out. I said "okay" because he seemed cool. The guy literally molested me at school a few days later. Put me in a corner and shoved his hand down my pants. Told my parents and they threatened to press charges on the ***. Now, B was extremely angry at this guy. She threatened him several times and hated him. But after about a week, B revealed that she was talking to him and secretly dating him all while she said she "hated" him, and that she had already "been to his house" several times. And we all know what that means. And yes, I know that it's what happened.

 

 

So. In my opinion, younger people do not have enough maturity or experience to handle dating someone much older than them. Many are immature, like B. So in my experience, age gaps are not good, unless both people are over 18. Hell, maybe over 21 at that.

Many times younger people do not understand their emotions and will often confuse love and infatuation. Infatuation is not love. Shifting blame is especially childish.

 

That being said. I applaud you for your smarts to tell your parents about your experience. Your parents have raised a very wonderful daughter if you have the brains to tell them when something wrong has happened to you. I don't believe that everyone should be restricted from dating till they're "of age" so to speak, as it just creates more teenage drama, and we know there is quite enough of that. Don't let one bad experience ruin them all for you. You'll know when you're ready for a relationship/love.

 

[Shienvien]

So. In my opinion, younger people do not have enough maturity or experience to handle dating someone much older than them.

I will, now, over a decade later, claim that my sixteen-year-old self (this was when I voluntarily moved to live on my own, taking no monetary or emotional support from my parents) was much more mature than many 30+ people I have seen. Age has very little to do with maturity and it simply isn't right to assess a person's level of maturity by the one's age, period.

 

[cfmtfm]

I think that as long as the two of them are happy, understanding and mature enough to be in a relationship (which should be justified by both of them) age doesn't matter.

 

However, I don't think they should have a sexual relationship until they are well of age and ready. Nor should they be in a relationship if they are cautioned not to. Just bringing this up (which has been in the news a lot recently).

[Kestra15]

While I was at first a bit wary of my close friend's age-gap (she was 17yrs, he was 27yrs when they got together), they're still together some six/seven years later. My previous girlfriends were at most a year younger than me and each lasted 4-5yrs. My lover is 5yrs younger. So it will always simply depend on the individuals.

 

I will admit that in younger (i.e. under 25yrs) I find a gap of more than a couple years is normally a bit odd as you need time for a person to develop and grow as an individual, and conversely a gap of several decades I find odd in any relationship. But ultimately if it is a consenting, non-damaging relationship then I don't care so long as people are happy.

I will, now, over a decade later, claim that my sixteen-year-old self (this was when I voluntarily moved to live on my own, taking no monetary or emotional support from my parents) was much more mature than many 30+ people I have seen. Age has very little to do with maturity and it simply isn't right to assess a person's level of maturity by the one's age, period.

I would say the same thing about myself. But at the same time I am still a lot more mature now than I was when I was engaged (18yrs) and planned another wedding (23yrs), and would even argue that I am more mature and aware of my own wants, needs, feelings and emotions now than I was even as close as a year ago. I certainly would be hesitant to take *any* 16yr-old's word that they know what they want, and would be frankly insulted if they though they were more mature than me.

 

You are right, there are some 30yr olds I wouldn't trust with a plaster much less life decisions, while I have met some astonishingly-mature children (normally those who have terminal/extremely life-limiting conditions). But if two 16yr olds tell me they are madly in love with one another and will be together for ever and ever, may I please be excused if I hold my breath on that one. I will wish them luck, joy and happiness, hope they don't make the mistakes I have, and that perhaps they will be that lucky one-in-a-million couple who do marry their childhood sweethearts, but I wouldn't clear a diary date for their wedding just yet.

Edited June 27, 2013 by Kestra15

[Kai]

Still shocked at how stupid I was last week, keep thinking I must have been braindead just a year ago, and as a child, wow, so stupid.

[Kestra15]

Still shocked at how stupid I was last week, keep thinking I must have been braindead just a year ago, and as a child, wow, so stupid.

Or, as one poster once put it:

 

[Ioanna]

My parents are five years apart and they are happy.